- The Umbral Arcana is rent here.
All of the tears in the Umbral Arcana here
are connected to their
puppet master, Pete.
You feel the presence of insects,
the buildings are covered
in horrifying, gross webs.
And you see a horrifying
wasp centaur woman.
And you see a horrifying
wasp centaur woman.
The fist on your golden ring glows bright.
Flame streaks off of your fist,
and you obliterate this
bug lady's f*cking head.
- f*ck yeah.
- I'm looking through the hole
and I'm just like, awesome.
- La Gran Gata looks
over, however, and says,
something's missing from
the shelves of the bodega.
- Oh no, did the c*ck take something?
- You look up, and you guys see
a shattered piece of glass on the back,
and underneath it it
says, written in gold,
the Key to the City.
- Welcome one and all
to another episode of,
The Unsleeping City.
We return to find our intrepid heroes,
say hi, intrepid heroes!
- Hi, intrepid heroes!
- I love it.
Our intrepid heroes
are in Astoria, Queens,
as the dreaming
insect-folk, these vermins,
from the realm of Nod are,
sucked back through the rent
that is stitched together and sealed.
The magic recedes from Pete.
Those of you still in combat mode watch
as the insects and bugsters all disappear.
You arrive in the Irish
pub down the block,
still somewhat covered in webs,
people sort of leave and walk away.
Some of you look worse
for wear than others.
- Just had a fun night.
- I'm trying to get on your level.
- You guys all convene in this pub,
you begin to hear the noise of
people rushing away outside.
The Umbral Arcana slowly
starts to seep back in,
you guys can feel it, those of
you who are familiar with it.
But you see...
Sofia very injured, and
Pete with this kind of wild
dream magic receding from his eyes.
What do you guys do as you hear the
far away sound of distant sirens?
- I think I need some calories in me,
'cause I'm a little
drunk, so I'm going to see
if they have a Guinness.
- I was just going to say
I'm getting a Guinness!
You are kidding me.
- It's 10 o' clock in the morning.
- You're f*cked up. You're f*cked up.
- We both start pouring
Guinnesses for ourselves.
- I'll take a Guinness, if
you're going to have a Guinness.
- Alright. No!
- Do you want one?
- Stop!
Nobody is drinkin' a damn-
shut the f*ck up, Pete!
No, Pete, what the f*ck is going on?
- What was that?
You caused the bugs?
- I'd like to slap the
Guinness out of Pete's hand.
Pete, what the f*ck was that?
- Look, man, alright, I'll explain.
- Smack.
- Okay.
Look, I don't know how I caused that.
Okay?
Your guess is as good as mine.
And, you know what?
I just feel like a...
- There's a tap?
- Alright.
There are police coming,
and now we're destroying property.
- I Lay on Hands you for 15.
- Oh.
Mr. March, okay.
- Are you okay?
- Yeah.
- I'm doin' better now.
- Is anyone else hurt?
- No, man.
- I'm good.
But if you want to lay your hands on-
- Should we run to that bodega?
- Let's go back to the bodega.
- Absolutely, yeah, yeah.
- You guys rush back to the bodega.
You see La Gran Gata
on the counter perched.
She looks over at you and goes, ahh.
My chosen.
You have returned here to the bodega.
- Wh- What do you wish of me?
Anything you wish.
- She's so g*dd*mn drunk.
- This is why the Umbral
Arcana is so important.
- She bent the knee to a cat.
- I'm your champion, what do you need?
- I will come to you in my own time.
In a way you cannot expect.
Walk the streets of this New York City.
And I will come to you,
when it is time for you to fight.
- Okay.
I'll be waiting, but not in
an impatient, desperate way.
- You see the cat leaps
up onto your shoulder
and nuzzles your face.
- We'll leave, you can have a moment.
- What is happening?
- You'll wait for the cat?
- Chinny rubs, chinny rubs, chinny rubs.
- Her tail goes up, her back- Hai!
It feels almost too good.
You see, she looks at you and says,
Mija, know this.
You have a special role to
play in the times to come.
You are not the first
woman to turn to a cat
when her marriage has fallen apart.
- Yes, I know.
I'm very aware I'm treading in
dangerous territory here.
But you're going to be my only cat, so...
- And I will be your only cat,
for you have
sworn yourself to my service.
The cat disappears.
You guys see that your ring
and your little compact seashell
mirror gleam with light.
- Cool!
I offer you a cigarette.
- Look at how many pages!
- Any other cool stuff?
- You guys, the bodega
at the disappearance
of La Gran Gata, has gone back to a more
standard, the gold and ancient wonders
have sort of disappeared.
But you're welcome to search around
if you want to search
around in the bodega,
you can give me an investigation check.
- I'll do it.
- Sure.
- 19.
- If we're all doing it.
- Oh, nat 20!
- Searching around a not magical bodega.
- Mine is 20 but not nat.
- I also got a 19.
- Hey!
- Jesus Christ.
- Do I get advantage on it now?
- No, you do not get
advantage on investigate.
- What'd you get?
- Five.
- Aww!
- Aww, Ricky Matsui!
- Can I look for something for Ricky?
- Yes, you can look for something-
I'll say with that nat 20,
too, you guys root around.
- Yeah, I got a 15, I can see
if I can find something
for Mr. March over there.
Mr. March, Mr. March!
- You guys find a couple of items here,
they're not as gleaming
and wondrous as they were
when the spirit of the cat was
present here in the bodega.
You find a couple different things.
You find, Kugrash, you
are scooting around.
By the way, the bodega owner is still here
kind of looking at you guys,
scooting around looking for stuff.
You find an extremely
fascinating looking bagel
up in the bagel tray.
It's an everything bagel.
And as you look at the toppings
of the everything bagel,
it truly seems like this
bagel has everything
that there ever...
- My god.
- Is it the bagel of infinite holding?
- You can have lox and lox and lox
and it never doesn't fit your mouth.
- You can put whatever you want on it.
- I don't think any of you
guys have an Identify spell,
so some of these artifacts are
going to be a bit mysterious.
But you find an incredibly
potent magical bagel.
- Well maybe, maybe I'm magical,
maybe that's my magic, I put
my hand on it to identify it.
- Cool, you reach out,
do you have access to the Identify spell?
You put your hand out, and
it's a, it's a fine bagel.
You know, it's not like
H&H or anything, but...
- I'd eat this one
quick, 'cause it's good.
- Don't eat it man, don't eat it.
- Ricky's having a hard
time finding anything.
You also find something up
in the little thing of like,
of 10 Hour Energies, you find something
that is labeled "1,000 Hour Energy".
- I need that.
It's a thing called "1,000 Hour Energy".
- Ricky, you're the only one
I trust not to abuse this.
- Let me just taste it man.
- Get out of here.
- Let me just taste it.
- Put it in my like, little belt pocket.
- Kingston, you find a bottle of,
over by the laundry detergent,
there's something called "Holy
Grail Laundry Detergent".
- Great.
Can I take that over the
counter and pay for it?
- Sure, you see the bodega owner, he goes,
oh great, that'll be, this, $12.50.
- That's a little expensive for detergent.
I mean I'm going to pay
it, I'm just sayin'.
- It's a premium detergent!
- Okay.
It's premium detergent?
- I got it.
- I'm going to pay for it, I mean,
it's just, $12 for
detergent's a lot, right?
I can get Tide for eight.
- It's for 64 loads!
- I didn't see that, I
didn't see it was 64 loads.
Is this HOV?
- Hand you five dollars.
- No!
I don't need anybody's money,
I can buy it.
- I take it and walk out.
- I hand you $5,000 in a wad.
- I slap the sh*t out of it.
- And Pete, you actually
find a little holdover
from when it was a little
bit more golden in here,
underneath one of the shelves,
you find a chunk of gold,
and you think at first it's
like a bracelet or something,
but then you see it is
actually a diamond-flecked
golden grill for your teeth.
- No.
- Image.
- Oh god, I hate this.
- I have been warned about
cultural appropriation before,
- Wait, Pete.
Pete.
- So I will not
be wearing this.
- Might want to rinse that off
before you put that in your mouth.
- I don't know, it doesn't...
- It's fine!
- Why don't you turn it into a necklace?
- I put it in my mouth. How do I look?
- You look so cool.
- You pay for it.
You guys suddenly hear,
as the sirens approach
closer, you hear,
you see Alejandro, Esther, Ana, and Amelia
all teleport right outside of the bodega.
Alejandro steps in.
You see Esther walks out and begins
doing something to
affect the Umbral Arcana.
Ana and Amelia rush over,
preparing some kind of enchantment spell
as the police close in.
Alejandro walks into the bodega,
looking at all the carnage
and destruction and goes,
what has happened here?
- Pete happened.
- This m*therf*cker
can't control his sh*t!
- No, I was in a dream,
and I let these like,
bugsters into the real life,
but it was a dream, I thought
I could just do whatever.
I didn't think that it would
really happen in real life.
- What part of your situation
remains unclear to you?
- What part of your situation
remains unclear to you?
You are the voice of the dreaming realm.
Since you have come here, in the past-
it is Monday morning.
Since Saturday, Santa
Claus has been mugged.
His sled broken.
Did you just microdose
right now?
- No!
- I'm going to need you to make
a Constitution saving throw.
- It was a regular dose.
- 19.
- You see that Alejandro raises up
to try to lift you up off
the ground with telekinesis.
And instead, you anchor there
and everything else in the bodega
starts floating around you.
Alejandro looks totally surprised
by this magical event occurring.
Looks back at you.
You hear voices in your head, start to go,
he shouldn't
get to- he shouldn't-
he shouldn't get to tell you what to do,
he's just jealous of your power.
Let him know what real power feels like.
I'm going to need a wild
magic surge roll from you.
- 14.
- Cool.
What does Pete do?
- I really like Alejandro.
I think I'm ignoring
those voices a little bit.
So, I say, sorry.
I'm sorry man.
How do I work on this?
Also what does this grill do?
- Where did you find that?
- I found it on the
ground underneath a shelf,
I was flat on the ground in this bodega.
- You are...
- Special.
Sorry, I'm so sorry.
- You are a voice-
- Brave.
Sorry.
- He whips his cap off and says,
real people's lives are at stake!
- Okay, okay.
You are a fool!
You are a,
why do you not seem to care
about the real cost of
what these actions are?
These beings were released
into the real world!
People died!
Pete hears the voices again say,
You owe these people nothing.
We can take you away from here.
You don't have to be
yelled at by these people.
What do they know of your
life, your pain, your struggle?
There's nothing for you here.
- I take more acid to quiet the voices.
- Go ahead and give me
another wild magic roll.
- Great.
- Cool.
You're keeping the magic
down as much as you can.
But you can tell that while
you're being yelled at,
this is stressing you out.
And you can feel, while
you have control on it,
And you can feel, while
you have control on it,
that it's going to keep being a fight
while you're here getting yelled at.
- f*ck.
- Can we see kind of what's going on?
- Anyone make an arcana
check that wants to.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- Six.
- Six.
- 12.
- Ele-
A 12!
- You guys I don't think can fully see
what's happening at this moment.
- Can I like, crack, pop
open the door, and say like,
I'm just going to smoke, I'm
still listening, Alejandro.
- I want to try to
interrupt, and ask about...
Just go up to Esther, and tell her that,
someone took the key to the city.
- She looks and goes,
the key, one of the, Gran Gata's wonders?
- Yeah, they're going
across 59th Street Bridge.
- You see she says, okay, um,
do either of you want to follow them?
Or see if you can track them down?
- I'll go for it.
- Yeah of course, yeah.
- Awesome.
You guys, were you guys
just going to take off,
or are you going to let
them know that you're going?
- You guys want to go chase this key?
- Yeah, I mean...
- Can we take your bus?
- You can take my bus.
- Cool.
Now, Locate Object has
a range of 1000 feet.
So I'm going to actually need
an investigate check from Ricky
to see if you can keep up with this thing
as it's going over the bridge.
- Can I use Find Steed too, and just like,
chase after it on my steed?
Or is...
- You may absolutely
cast, well first of all,
give me the investigate check
to see if you can even
locate where this thing is.
- Okay.
I got an 18.
- 18.
Yeah, you sense it heading
over the bridge fast,
but you're going to have to hoof it.
- What about pawing it?
- Cool.
Ricky.
You're going to need help
chasing this thing down.
How does Ricky summon his steed?
- Well I just had become a dog, right?
And so I'm feeling this
sort of canine energy in me.
And I know I have to get over
there and I just...
So just calling out to the
dogs of the world,
Howl.
- You reach out and call
to these dog spirits.
You guys see a flash of morning light.
The sun coming up, it is about
And you see running around a corner,
this beautiful like, red
fire hydrant, golden light.
Like time slows down.
And the most beautiful
dalmatian in the world
starts running,
Begins to rush towards Ricky,
and leaps up into your arms.
- I lick it back.
- You're my best friend
in the whole world.
- You're my best friend.
- Whoa, it can talk?
- Oh, sorry.
That's only Ricky hearing that.
- Can I hear it too?
- You can hear it too.
- Awesome.
- You're my best friend.
I need some help finding
something right now.
- Okay.
- Big old key.
- Big old key.
- Can I get on your back,
or can I just run with you?
- As you run alongside your dalmatian,
you find that your speed greatly increases
as you enjoy running alongside your dog.
- I'm just having an incredible time.
- Incredible time.
So Ricky sprints off.
- I'd like to turn into a dog as well,
just a real busted dalmatian though.
And follow them.
- Cool.
- Just tongue permanently out,
- Just like,
f*cked up from inbreeding.
- just like, jaw broken.
- Oh god.
- You see that your dog looks
over at Kugrash and goes,
something's wrong with that dog.
- He's always got so much saliva.
- This is fun guys.
- Cool.
You guys I think, even with the bus,
are probably not going to be hoofing it
as fast as Ricky and
his dog and Kugrash are.
Does anyone else join,
or is it Kugrash and Ricky
peeling off to go chase them?
- Can I talk to Alejandro?
- Yeah, you see Ana and Amelia
kind of handling the cops.
Esther and Alejandro both
look very kind of serious
and downcast as you guys
are in the bodega. Um...
Also, by the way I will
say, as you guys take off,
it's 10:00 AM Monday morning.
So like, Ricky, your like,
shift starts in like,
an hour and a half.
And Kingston, you have like
rehearsal and stuff coming up.
- Yeah, I've got to get to work.
- You got to get to work.
- My schedule's open.
I'm a rat.
- Yeah, Kugrash is always open.
And yeah, and Pete, you,
you step outside to smoke,
so you're like out in front of the bodega.
So this is I think, Esther,
Sofia, Kingston, and Misty,
and Alejandro are all in the bodega still.
- Yeah, I think if they're safe,
I'll just chill in the bodega.
- Cool, awesome.
Alejandro looks over at you, Kingston.
This is very bad.
- Tell me about it.
- I am...
Listen.
Pete is a troubled young man.
- Mm-hmm.
- He's very very cool.
- I like the kid a lot.
- My man, you got to...
What flavor?
- Oh, this is, oh this is
melon-passion-fruit-guava.
- Why'd I even ask?
But you're right, I like the
kid, but this is bad stuff.
- Perhaps we should, we
have plenty of work here,
trying to clean up this mess
and restore the Umbral Arcana.
Maybe it would do for us
to meet later tonight.
And have a discussion
about what is to be done.
- Got a bunch of leftover
salad at my place.
If you just want to...
- Did that keep?
- I mean, it's salad.
We can probably get,
we can get a day out of salad.
- Sorry to interject, I'm pretty sure
I was still with the
tupperware before we left.
- Okay, great.
- Sorry, I'm gone.
- Okay.
Sure, we can come by and have
some salad at your place.
- You know Alejandro, I
think they've discontinued
those fruit flavored Juul pods, so,
maybe you should stock up on
them before they disappear.
- Okay nobody needs to
be stocking up on this.
- Yeah.
Kids were smoking them.
They were all like,
chocolate-banana flavored.
- There's a chocolate-banana flavor?
- Probably.
- Oh.
That rules, sorry.
- I'm going to show you
pictures of popcorn lung
when you come over to my place tonight.
I'm going to show you
pictures of popcorn lung.
And you're going to rethink-
- I am 92 years old, a little popcorn lung
is not a bad way for me to go
out and this tastes so good.
You can smoke it inside it's just vapor!
- Okay, you cannot smoke it
inside, laws are changing!
Okay, stop, stop.
I look over at the owner.
- A flock of smoke, of vapor
pigeons flies out of his mouth.
- Alright.
- Wonderful.
So, you guys, what's Pete doing outside
as he's like, catching up with himself?
- I think I'm just kind of
like, pacing, and like, angry.
- Uh, yeah.
Your phone lights up with
a little text from Priya.
Your phone lights up with
a little text from Priya.
- Great.
Cool, I read it.
- It does not address any of the things
in your wall of text to your ex.
It says, what's your schedule
like today, question mark.
- f*ck you.
- I write back,
I'm free before...
- A response back, splendid.
Do you think we could grab
a quick cup of coffee?
Wanted to talk to you about us.
- I leave it on read for a little while.
- Vicious.
- Yeah, wonderful.
You also have some like,
messages from 53\/3N,
you also have like, been
sleeping in Kingston's place.
- Yeah.
I really want to check in with my...
my like, criminal
network, and see if anyone
knows who Robert is.
Or like, do some investigating
instead of meeting up with him.
- Awesome, do you want
to send those questions
over electronic messaging,
or do you want to be like,
hey, let's meet up and talk,
and ask them in person?
- I want to make a couple stops
and ask some people in person.
- Cool, so I think Pete you just dip.
- Okay.
Pete dips.
- I only look in through the window
and say bye to Kingston.
- Nothing.
- Sofia sees this and is really hurt.
- I feel bad, but I just didn't
want to talk to Alejandro again.
- I look at the cigarette that you gave me
and I'm like, I guess it meant nothing.
- Do I have Sofia's number?
- Yes, I think you have Sofia-
- I text like, had to dip, bye Sofia!
Okay, I instantly feel great.
- Incredible.
We'll cut over first.
So Ricky, you are sprinting
at the pace of a full running dog.
- For the city!
- You just like, rip across
the 59th Street bridge
with these two dalmatians.
You've got the gleaming ax in your hand.
You rip across the bridge.
You manage to keep this-
You're like, sniffing
out this key yourself.
You get a little message from Esther.
It actually is like a magical
message, not on your phone.
She says, the key to the city
is a very powerful magical artifact.
Its signature should be easy to read.
There are certain pockets in
the city that are dead zones,
where things are hard to divine or scry.
Try to get it before you get
to one of those dead zones.
I'm going to need, for these
sort of like, running checks,
I'm actually going to need
Constitution checks from you,
I'm actually going to need
Constitution checks from you,
and your dog, to like,
set the pace and keep up,
and from Kugrash as well.
- Are these like, saving
throws or just straight up.
- They're actually checks,
nothing bad's happened to you.
It's about you full speed
running after a vehicle
trying to catch up with it basically.
- Cool.
- 11.
- Natural three.
- Okay, go ahead and give me
a roll for your steed as well.
- I don't know what I
would add to that though.
- By the way, what's the name
of your wonderful sweet dog?
- Oh, um...
- You can take a moment to
think about it if you want.
- Yeah, I'll take a second.
- Oh my god, I can't
wait for you to debut it.
- Can't wait for that debut.
- And then for the mount, I rolled a 15.
And do I add my Constitution to that?
- You would add it, which is plus one.
- Okay so 16 for that.
- Cool.
Your magical dog, magical
dalmatian is keeping up.
Kugrash, you have a hard time, your lungs.
- Come on Kug!
- f*cking so fast kid.
Your stupid magic dog.
Goddammit.
I hate my g*dd*mn life.
Why'd I follow you?
You're in such good shape, goddammit.
- Looking great, it's
awesome to exercise, man.
- f*ck you!
- Kugrash, you're hurting.
It's a hard time keeping up.
Ricky, you could probably
keep up with the car
but you'd be leaving Kugrash behind.
- It's fine, f*ck me, go goddammit!
You stupid kid, go!
You g*dd*mn beautiful boy!
You f*ck!
You absolute as*h*le!
- Are you okay?
- Go f*ck yourself, Ricky!
- Awesome.
- Ricky you are just sprinting,
just like, the awnings
of delis and storefronts
and the little umbrellas
and hot dog carts like,
just sprint down the street.
Your dog is like
just like, running beside you.
- Oh I've decided the dog's name is Ox.
- Ox.
- Yeah!
- A-U-X?
- Ricky!
Ricky this is the best time in the world!
You're my best friend!
- You're my best friend.
- I love to help!
- You're helping me a ton.
- Aww.
- f*ck you!
- That's incredible.
- Animal control has descended on you.
- Great.
- Calling 9-1-1
about a strange dog.
- I also need you to,
weirdly, actually make
a Stealth check for me,
as you catch up on the vehicle,
to see if it doesn't spot you.
- It was a car.
- How could nobody spot this hot man
and his beautiful dog?
- I rolled a 12.
- Okay.
Gonna make a little roll back here.
- People are already
Instagramming him and he's famous,
he's hashtag trending on Twitter.
- You have disadvantage on Stealth.
- Okay, so.
sh*t.
Okay.
So 10.
Oh wait no, seven, f*ck.
- Gotcha.
- You have disadvantage on Stealth, why?
- 'Cause of plate, I guess?
- Ricky has the effect of plate armor,
which normally gives you
disadvantage on Stealth.
But we're saying that Ricky's just,
doesn't have plate, but
has the armor class,
and doesn't have the
disadvantage, but is too hot.
So, it's hard to be stealthy.
- His like, muscles.
He has so much bulk.
- He's got them big thick pants too.
- That is so funny.
Yeah he's already fully
trending on like, online.
- Actually I'm going to
say a bunch of people...
- Have posted Insta, hot guy running!
- Hot guy running with dog.
- Hashtag beauty and the beast.
- Like Misty, you're like,
on your way out of the bodega
and you look at your
like, your social media,
and there's like an
incredible thing of like,
ooh, March in December,
what's this hashtag?
Ooh, Mr. March just-
Yeah, a lot of incredible things.
I'm also going to make a little
roll back here real quick.
You see that as you're running, Ricky,
while you're sprinting down the street,
there are a lot of opportunities like,
someone's like, baby
stroller almost goes out
into the street, and you like,
push it back against them.
Someone like, oh, I'm
dropping all these pies!
- Wow!
Thanks Mr. March!
- Smells great.
- Just another perfect day
for the luckiest, hottest man in New York.
Cool.
- Tom Cruise's characters
are all based on him.
Just following behind
like, how can I do this?
How can I bring this to my next role?
- Incredible.
- I barrel through all of
these people 15 minutes later.
- And you ruin everything.
You kick the baby, you crush the pies.
- Jump over the baby.
- Giant rat is pushing-
- Ricky give me one
last investigate check.
- Okay.
Come on.
Ugh, f*ck.
What's my investigation?
Okay, five.
- Five.
Cool.
You rolled a lot of really
great rolls in a row.
You sprint up down through Manhattan,
you get up onto the FDR,
going down the East River.
Running in between cars.
You get all the way down
to the financial district.
As you get there, your divine
sense tingles a little bit.
As you get there, your divine
sense tingles a little bit.
You're down on Wall Street, and,
it is busy down here,
but there is a faint aura
of death around this place.
Your Locate Object spell goes blank,
and kind of disappears.
And you see that Ox kind of,
huddles up behind your
legs, and crouches down.
- Come here, come here, come here.
- Big dog jumps up in your arms.
- Just looking around
holding my dalmatian.
- Like a giant baby.
- Everybody in the world
has heard of you now.
- Something's off here.
- This beautiful man
is holding a huge dog.
- Ellen is on the phone being like,
what are you up to this week?
- We need him, we need him.
- I take a selfie with the dog,
and send it to Esther, like,
made it to the financial
district, something's off here?
Smells like death?
How are you?
- She responds, very busy at the moment.
Thank you for the update.
You, with that five,
lose the car here.
But, you do have a sense of
the five or six block area
But, you do have a sense of
the five or six block area
where you kind of had line
of sight, you're like,
couldn't have gotten that far.
Couldn't have gotten that far.
So there's a couple blocks of buildings
where you think it probably
landed or could be in this area.
And it's the center of
like, Wall Street, like,
from like, you know, Trinity
Place and the church,
down like, down Wall
Street a couple blocks,
down to like, Stone
Street, maybe up to like,
Gold Street on the other side.
There's like this couple block radius.
But, these are high rise buildings,
and it is like a warren, like a hive here,
of different places and
buildings and companies
and stuff like that.
- Okay.
- Did he ever see the van,
or was he just following?
- Never got close enough.
I don't think any,
none of your investigate
checks beat a 20 I don't think.
- I don't think so, no.
- So you never actually
got full line of sight
to the vehicle, but, you've
sensed it with your spell.
- Okay.
Well.
I guess I start a group text.
I don't know if we have one going.
- Pete's on an Android, so it's all green.
- I don't f*ck with Apple, okay?
All you sheeple.
- Made it to the financial district,
I don't see it any more.
There's something wrong here.
- Wonderful.
And then you get a text
from the fire chief, Kevin,
being like, hey, Rick,
just making sure you're coming in today.
- Oh sh*t.
- I just text him back,
on my way.
And then, just,
one last look, and then head out.
you see Ox jumps down and
starts walking along beside you.
- Ox.
You've been great, and I'll see you soon.
You can go be light, I guess?
- Okay.
If you want me to be light, I can.
Do you want me to go be light?
- Yes.
Expands, and like diffuses into light.
- Aww.
- I run to the fire station.
- Cool.
You head to the fire station.
For those that are leaving the bodega,
what are you guys off to go do?
Obviously some of you have work.
- I have to go to rehearsal,
which I have not been to for...
- Well everybody can get on the bus,
and the bus can drop people off
wherever they need to be.
- Cool.
- Oh, and by the way.
Was talking to Willie last night.
- Hmm.
- He said the Lazarus
we might be looking for
might have something to do
with the Statue of Liberty,
or something like that.
So.
- Goddammit.
I'm stupid!
- What?
- Emma Lazarus, it's not
Lazarus from the bible,
it's Emma Lazarus!
- Who is that?
- Emma Lazarus wrote the poem.
- Which poem?
- The, bring me your tired, your poor,
your huddled masses,
yearning to break free!
- Wow.
- If I may interject.
Have you guys considered maybe it's both?
That maybe they're some kind
of, like, I'm saying like,
- Meta duality of Lazarus references?
- I'm saying Lazarus arose from the dead.
Emma Lazarus is all about immigration.
What if they're using the
thing to launder the souls
to sort of give these souls
a second chance in heaven?
to sort of give these souls
a second chance in heaven?
- I think it's possible.
I'm really worried about
anything that wants to...
break free.
- Hmm.
Well.
- I just wanted.
- Emma Lazarus, though, fun.
She was a fun lady.
- Oh I believe it.
- You know?
She was fun.
- Wonderful.
You guys head off to your
various places of employ.
The only people that, so
you guys all go to work.
Misty, you arrive at rehearsal.
You walk in, Perry looks
up to you and goes, well!
Miss Moore, hello!
Excited for you to grace
us with your presence.
Shall we go ahead and get it started?
- I'd love to get it started!
I- perfectly f*cking word
perfect, note perfect.
- Yeah, go ahead and give
me a Performance check.
- I'll give you a Performance check.
- Please roll low, please roll low.
- Oh my god, I want you to roll low too.
I'm sorry.
- Um...
Is this a Dexterity performance?
No, this is a regular
Performance check?
- This is a regular performance.
- I got a 13.
- A 13!
- She has a plus 10 in Performance.
- I have a plus 10 in
Performance, I did roll a three.
- Wow, okay.
- A plus 10.
- So, you go through this rehearsal.
There's all these people
dressed in these like,
crazy fairy get ups, it's like this like,
high, schmaltzy, Midsummer Night's Dream.
Perry goes like, alright,
from the top people!
You launch into the song, and,
you, how do you navigate through a 13?
'Cause it is not going to be word perfect.
- I get through the
first verse and a half,
and then I just start yelling, line?
And then I'm like, the beat is off,
there's something off with this-
Is this a new pianist?
I feel like the beat is off.
This is what we're doing,
a five, six, seven, eight!
This is where we need to be.
- You see your piano
accompanyist, Benjamin,
looks up at you and says, I'm
so sorry, the beat is off?
Someone help me figure this out.
The drummer looks over and says,
um, yes, if the beat, if
the beat was off, then,
I'll do a different,
I'll do it differently for you Ms. Moore.
- Pick it up, pick it up.
- I will pick it... up.
- We're singing a very slow ballad.
- At the end of rehearsal, you see that
Perry comes over to you, and says,
Misty.
- Darling.
Sweetheart.
Angel.
- You are a vision.
And I'm wondering if
there is anything I can do
And I'm wondering if
there is anything I can do
to make sure that...
- The show as a whole?
I mean that is your job.
- No, certainly!
I guess what I'm asking is...
- I just love your vision
for this whole play.
I just think you're doing a great job.
- Thank you.
- The flowers look wonderful.
Bottom's head is so expressive.
- You see that Alissa, your
assistant, comes up, and goes,
um, hi, Ms. Moore, so sorry to bother you.
I picked up these different
leaves of holly, and
a couple other things,
you wanted some salt, and some other,
it's a little silver.
- Sure, sure,
we don't need to do this now.
- But you wanted me to sort of build,
some little things.
- I'm having a conversation
with my friend here.
- I am so sorry.
- Just bring them to my apartment,
I'll deal with it then.
- I am so sorry, I'm very so sorry.
- Yeah, no, I know you're sorry.
- This is so painful.
- This will never happen again.
- No, it won't.
- She turns around, and just
broken, like shambles off.
Perry looks over to you and says,
Misty, there is nothing
more important to me
than your health and wellbeing.
So you let me know if
you're not feeling up to it.
- Darling, I've never felt healthier.
I mean, look.
know what I'm saying?
I'm kidding, I'm not that old.
- I know you're being cheeky.
What?
Ah, alright.
Let's take it again.
And you get back into rehearsal.
And then Kugrash.
What are you up to?
- I get to the financial district
way way way after Ricky has left.
And it's daytime, right?
It's like, kind of early?
- Yeah, it's like Monday morning.
- I would like to,
hopefully my son David is at work.
I would like to swing by his house
to see if I can't find something.
- Wonderful.
His house is,
he lives way out in Forest Hills.
So, you can probably,
you scurry out there.
You've got nothing else.
- Take the ferry.
- I'll take- Yeah.
- You scurry out, or take a ferry.
- Take the ferry down to Red Hook?
- Yeah, so you take the ferry to Red Hook,
you get out there however you get there.
Go ahead.
When you get there,
make a little Stealth...
- I would like do Pass
Without Trace on myself.
- Awesome.
- Oh my god.
With Pass Without Trace.
- Yeah, I'm going to
say, also probably like,
you shift into like an actual, like, rat.
- Yeah, being- I'm myself again.
- You, do that- You know rats
can fit through any opening
their skull can fit through,
'cause they're cartilaginous.
- Jesus I didn't know that.
- You get in under like a door,
like through like a rain
gutter, like.
And there's this lovely little house,
this is Forest Hills, so these are like,
one story houses out here.
You're way out in Queens.
This is like the kind of Peter Parker
kind of neighborhood out here.
- Looks like he's done well
for himself.
Start sobbing.
- You squidge through.
- A little rat crying.
- You get in.
You see...
your daughter-in-law is home right now,
she's working out of her home office.
And your grandchildren are
not here, they're at school.
But you see there, up
above the little fireplace,
there is a little soccer trophy.
And you see there's like a
little plaque or something,
having to do with someone
getting a first place
in a science project.
- So g*dd*mn proud of this kid.
Wish I could talk to them.
Then I would like to, I
guess see if I can find...
David's office, see if
I can find my old like,
financial records, anything like that.
Look for stuff about like, Robert,
'cause I'd worked with him before.
- Yeah, absolutely.
Go ahead and make an
investigate check for me.
- Oh god.
- Nat 20!
- Baby!
- Oh that's a good nat 20 to get.
- So inspired by my
grandchildren's first place,
I need to be good at things now.
- Incredible.
You scoot around.
Your son David is a lawyer,
who works for financial watchdog groups
to basically hunt down and
prosecute white collar criminals.
- Mm-hmm, yep, yep, this is good.
This is good.
- You see that there are...
a number of files in his sort
of home desk office area.
And there's a closet with a bunch of those
kind of legal files, you know.
A lot of legal stuff
is still done in paper,
and there's a bunch of those cardboard,
like legal file boxes, file
folders and stuff like that.
You see stuff in the back
that's been taped up.
And you see, it says on it,
Bruce Kugrich, on it.
Which is your name, there's
a lot of files on there.
You open it up, start
to go through your files
and everything like that.
And you see a lot of
financial information here.
You go back through a lot of deals.
There's a bunch of stuff
about your old hedge fund.
A lot of stuff about the deals you made.
There's some stuff there,
you see signatures,
like your signatures,
you also see signatures
from Gabriella Sinclair.
As you go further and
further through these files,
you arrive at deals where
you remember something
being made with this group
that had a long name in it.
being made with this group
that had a long name in it.
But, hold on one second.
- Sure.
- Sobbing the whole time.
- Just a little rat.
- Yeah, tiny rat lifting
up a file like this.
- Stealing from my son.
- I guess technically, this is mine,
so it's not stealing, but
it feels like stealing.
- Eye boogers getting
caught in all your fur.
- I need another perm.
- You find a...
file with financial information in it,
from an old, old money group.
The kind of, where, they didn't even like,
take meetings, they like, called you,
to come in and take
meetings with them, right?
Called O'Neil, Dwyer, Burns, and Moses.
And as you say that,
you suddenly remember being
at a party back in the 80s,
where you saw that guy Robert.
And heard someone refer to him
out of the corner of
your ear as Mr. Moses.
- Oh f*ck me.
- Go ahead and make a, with that nat 20,
make a history check, with advantage.
- 14.
- You suddenly think back.
Robert Moses is a figure
of New York history.
And as you suddenly realize
that you never got that guy's first name,
and now you got it here from Pete,
Robert Moses is a powerful
historical figure,
within the history of New York.
With a 14, you remember that he...
was not only sort of a businessman,
but also had a lot to do with like
the civic life of New York.
He was part of a lot of, never elected,
but was part of a lot
of government boards,
had a lot to do with the
building and infrastructure
of New York, specifically,
a lot with the building
of roads and highways.
- Hmm.
Causing interference in the magical world.
Highway hex.
- You also find in these boxes back here,
on top of the last box in this closet,
you see there is a little envelope
that is closed, but not sealed.
And it says, To Dad, on it.
I read it.
Goddammit.
- You open this letter up.
And start to read it.
"Dear Dad.
I don't expect this letter will
find you before my funeral.
Which I would hope that you had
the decency to come back to.
I don't know where you
are, or why you left.
Having raised a family
of my own, I can tell you
that it takes a lot of bravery
to steer kids right in this world.
And so I'm not surprised
that you couldn't hack it.
Because I can't tell it to your face,
I'll say it to you here.
Thank you.
Thank you for showing me the
type of person in this world
that you need to devote
your life to stopping.
I've spent my life's work raising kids,
being a good husband to my wife,
and making sure that people like you
who hurt people for profit
face consequences for it.
I think I've come to terms
with what you did to me.
I'm strong enough that this
is something I won't let stand in the way
of a happy and good life for myself.
What you did to Wally,
I can never forgive,
because he needed you.
Hope this letter finds you
well, and in good health.
For all you've done,
I still wish you nothing but the best.
And know that everybody
has a chance to turn their life around.
I don't think I'll ever live to see yours,
but here's hoping.
David."
- I leave the letter,
because I'll remember it.
- Jesus Christ.
Brutal.
- f*ck me.
- Was such a g*dd*mn rat.
- You finish the letter, put it down,
and there's a soft silence
as this furry little rat
stands in this little closet,
full of these financial
records and papers.
And, you hear a car pulling
up into the driveway outside.
- I leave.
- You sneak out the back, afraid to see
who's probably coming in the front door.
We'll go from Kugrash to...
We'll head over now to Kingston.
- Cool, what's going on with Kingston
as he gets over to St. Owen's?
- I guess I got to get through the day.
So I don't know, I think it's like a,
very like a head down
kind of day, at work.
- Hell yeah.
You're getting through
your day there at work.
You see that Emiko is
there, she smiles, she says,
you seen this crazy sh*t on Instagram?
- What, what is that?
- March in December?
- Shows you a bunch of
stories of Ricky running
and like waving at people
and catching like falling...
As he like, sprints through the city.
- That boy is crazy.
- Get that boy on The Bachelor.
- I swear.
- Like, accidentally flexing.
- You see she looks and says, I don't get,
it's just all these thirsty women online,
and a lot of thirsty men as well.
And I don't understand why he won't
let me sign up with my f*cking friends!
- Is he not, he's not...
I've assumed he is dating
thousands of people.
- I don't think so.
I also don't know when he would.
He works out two hours a
day, cardio and resistance.
Gets nine hours of sleep,
and works a full firefighter job.
And then also has this weird hobby.
He's part of like a Gramercy,
there's something in Gramercy he does.
- Oh, cool.
Something, cool, and in Gramercy,
that's a cool part of town, right,
there must be interesting
things going down.
- I guess so.
- He's not dating anybody?
- No, not that I know.
- Hey.
I mean, people's people.
- You're not wrong.
You get a call on your
phone while you're at work.
You get a call on your
phone while you're at work.
- Who is it?
- An unknown number.
- I pick up.
- Is this Mr. Kingston Brown?
- Yes, and who do I have
the pleasure of speaking to?
- This is officer Epona Cirillo.
- Oh, what's up Epona?
- How's it going, Kingston?
- I'm good, how are you?
- Listen, we're working with
the DA's office down here.
And we're looking to
collect a testimony from you
and we have no way of reaching Kugrash,
and we don't have Misty
Moore's number on file,
but basically, anyone who was a witness
to the events of Santa
Claus' as*ault in the park.
We'd love you to come down to
city hall today if you can,
we'd like to get a testimony from you.
- You want me to bring everybody,
or you want me to just come by myself?
- We'll take whoever we can,
if you have those other
people that were with you,
anyone that saw it, we'd love
to try to track them down,
but we can also collect
that information from you
down here at city hall.
- Okay, great.
- Cool.
What does Kingston do?
- Guess I'll head down
to city hall real quick.
- Great.
You head down to city hall.
As you head down there, you walk in,
and you see that Epona greets you.
City hall, massive building
with the golden statue on top,
huge stone steps everywhere.
Epona leads you up these stone
steps, meets you out front,
ah, Kingston, thanks for
coming down, I appreciate it.
- Of course, Epona, happy
to do my civic duty.
- She clip clop clip clop
clip clops her centaur hooves
up the stone steps.
- Hey does that ever get annoying to you?
- What?
- The sound of your own feet?
Now listen, I don't know,
I don't find it annoying personally,
I'm just, like, it's an interesting thing.
You know, 'cause when I put on nice shoes,
and I hear like the tip
tap tip tap, I like that.
But I don't wear nice shoes
all the time, so it's like,
for you, clip clopping all the time.
Is it clip clopping, is that... offensive?
I'm just trying to be respectful.
- Hey, you know what, I understand.
- I'm just trying to understand
you better, you know?
- For sure.
Kingston, I'm going to be honest with you,
first of all, I don't
have feet I have hooves.
- Okay my bad.
- That's alright, I mean, that's okay.
Second of all.
You know.
I mean yes, yes, it's a little annoying.
It's a little bit annoying.
Because it's a reminder
that you know, this,
listen, this city is not built for me.
- You want something for that?
I can probably get a guy
to make like a soft shoe,
like a soft horseshoe.
I'd probably find a guy for that.
- Yeah, you know, I'm good
Kingston, I appreciate that,
I really do appreciate that.
- You ever want a soft horseshoe,
you let me know, okay?
- f*cking Air Jordans for a centaur.
- I don't know, you know,
I don't know what kind
of flubber horseshoes
you're talking about here, but,
these horseshoes are fine.
- Okay.
- You see that she leads you to city hall.
As you go in, there's a bunch
of metal detectors there.
You see that there is,
they're gray and kind of
those beigey metal detectors.
And there's one metal
detector at the far end
that has a tiny little goblin
in like a clerk's uniform
that, it's like crazy
sparkling lapis lazuli
and amethyst, like.
- Mm-hmm.
- Hey, how's it going?
See he goes, Epona, is
this a guest of yours?
- She says, yeah.
We're going into the 17th circuit.
He goes, oh, alright.
Right down here.
Leads you through.
Sir, are you carrying any firearms,
weapons of any kind, flammable liquids,
spectral entities,
souls, memories, dreams?
- None other than my own.
- Sometimes people-
You stepped on my joke.
Sometimes people say, I don't have any,
no souls, and I'll go, oh
no! Not even your own?
This guy's, that's good.
Great minds, huh?
- That's a good one.
Next time I'll let you
have that one, alright?
- There, yeah, don't step on it next time.
- Yeah, I won't.
- You go through, beep beep.
And see that you walk
through, Epona steps around.
She leads you to a small room.
And she actually looks at you and says,
as Vox Populi, we don't have
to actually swear you in
'cause everything you
say is legally speaking,
admissible testimony and evidence.
However if you would like to be sworn in,
we're happy to do that.
Is there something you'd
like to be sworn in on?
- Can I take off my eternal
token and give it to her?
- You see that she nods.
She like, wraps your
hand around it and says,
Kingston Brown, offering testimony
on behalf of the city of New York.
Do you swear to tell the
truth, the whole truth,
and nothing but the truth?
To the best of your ability?
- Of course.
- Wonderful.
Redundant but here you go.
She steps into one of those mirror rooms
where you see a lineup.
You see there is a lineup of a...
giant, massive, like tree, with a face.
Up against the height thing.
A weird, like,
what looks like a mound of human excrement
with eyes and a mouth.
- Like an emoji?
- I was thinking the same thing.
- Yeah, it looks a weird,
horrifying poop emoji,
but its eyes are all yellow and jaundiced
and very bloodshot, like it just woke up.
And you see there are two
extremely tough, tattooed
And you see there are two
extremely tough, tattooed
little pixies, and they
have like, tattoos,
like undershirts, like tanktops.
And then seeing, the fifth
person in the lineup,
is a human who just is looking
around extremely confused.
You see that Epona asks,
Mr. Brown.
Did you witness any of these individuals
within the vicinity of the sleigh
when you were adjacent to it?
- No I did not.
- Okay.
Can you point to any of these people
that you recognize from personal affairs?
- I mean.
I text sometimes.
So I do recognize the excrement
with eyes as the poop emoji.
At least that's what the kids call it.
- You see she says,
that's very funny, but,
that's just a normal
excrement.
- A normal what?
- Normal excrement elemental,
from the sewers, so.
- That's Kugrash's business, not mine.
- If you can get Kugrash down here,
this guy actually asked for a lawyer,
and we offered a public
defender, said he wanted Kugrash.
- Okay, I'll make sure
he knows about that.
- That would be great.
- But I do, I was at the
Confetti wedding on Sunday.
And Don had told me that those two boys,
the tough looking
pixies, that they were...
- We should hold this
testimony for the DA.
If you want to come with me
that'd actually be great.
- Oh, great.
- You walk into a side room.
You see that that big thing of sh*t goes,
Whatever little device you
have is like, blowing up.
- f*cking leave me
alone you piece of sh*t!
- I'm going to cry just
reading the note again.
sh*t it texting me!
- Yeah, I don't know
how you have the saved,
this is Buddy, is what
he asked to be called.
But I don't know if you have him
saved that way on your phone.
Cool.
- Feel like you have 18
different Buddies in your phone.
- Buddy.
- Just call him Buddy man.
- Different numbers of Ys.
- Buddyyyyyyy. Buddyy.
- You walk into a side room,
you are seated at a comfortable
wooden table, Epona goes,
hey is there anything you want here?
Eat, drink, coffee, you
want something else?
- I'll just take a glass of water.
- Glass of water.
She walks out to go get
a glass of water for you.
She walks back in with the glass of water,
and right behind her is Liz.
- Oh, come on.
- Liz Herrera walks in.
She clearly knows who
she's going in to talk to,
so she has her game face on.
She sits down, looks at you.
Mr. Brown, thank you for coming in today,
my name is Liz-
- If you're gonna call me-
If you're gonna call me Mr. Brown...
Okay, okay.
- Are we going to do this?
- No, we're not gonna do-
- Are we going to do this?
- No, Mr. Brown's ready to talk.
- I'm at work.
So the thing with me here, Kingston,
is that I am at work right now.
- Okay.
- You see Epona puts
the water down and says,
I'm going to fully go.
She steps out.
You see that Liz turns a recorder on,
and keeps her voice professional,
but is just f*cking
staring daggers at you.
So, Kingston.
It's my understanding that
you attended the wedding
of Angela Confetti to...
Ronald Pigeon.
- Yes, I was on a date with Misty Moore
to the Confetti wedding on Sunday.
- Click.
f*ck you.
- No, f*ck you!
- f*ck you!
- f*ck you!
- Go f*ck yourself!
- You know I don't want to do this.
- I always knew there was something weird
with you and her.
- It was nothing!
- She's wanted to f*ck
you for years, I knew it.
You're such a piece of sh*t.
I never f*cked her.
- You are such a f*cking dog.
- Don't even do this, you know.
- You're telling me you were faithful,
voice to the city.
- I am faithful.
I was faithful.
I would've continued to be faithful.
It wasn't a date.
I just...
I'm...
I'm mad, okay?
It was, we just...
We were going there because
there was some stuff going,
some business stuff going on,
with the whole Santa Claus thing.
Yeah.
It was business.
I don't know why I said it was a date.
- Business.
So what's, the mummy's back or something?
- No, the mummy's not back.
Something's going on with Nod.
- Nod.
Refresh my memory, that is...
- It's the sixth borough,
it's the dream land.
It's, I don't know, there's
this new kid on the block
named Pete, who I guess
is the Vox Phantasma.
He's me, but for them.
Anyway.
- She clicks the thing back on.
So, Mr. Brown.
You were attending at the wedding.
Did you hear anything amounting
to criminal conspiracy,
having to do with the as*ault
on Santa Claus in Central Park?
- According to Don Confetti,
two pixies had gone downtown,
and confessed to being the ones, who,
you know, had hijacked, or, you know,
vandalized the sled.
- And the names of these individuals are?
- Pixie and Trixie or something like that.
I don't mean to be rude.
- No, their names are stupid. It's...
- Twinkle and Pinkie.
- There it is, Twinkle and
Pinkie, that's what I heard.
- Click, and because
I have to f*cking work
in this department now.
- Mm-hmm.
- I have to prosecute Twinkle and Pinkie.
- It's still law.
These are still people.
- It is of, I live in
a f*cking cartoon now!
- You don't live, this not a...
- Because of you I live
in a f*cking cartoon!
- This is New York City,
this is the real thing!
- Oh, oh, oh!
A horse woman just brought
you a cup of water,
and these two pixies I got to put away
for attacking Santa Claus!
- She's a g*dd*mn centaur!
- I go through, I would say
half a bottle of whiskey every night,
just to get through the day.
- That is so bad for you.
You have to come see me.
- Oh what so you can do your magic hands?
- I don't want to fight with you.
- I was on track to be the...
the district attorney.
I was on track to be somebody.
And now I'm here.
I had to watch them
fingerprint a pile of sh*t.
Today.
Do you know how unpleasant
that is to watch?
- I can only imagine.
Liz, what do you want me to say, alright?
I'm sorry?
I'm sorry I fell in love with you,
I'm sorry you fell in love with me,
I'm sorry we were married,
I'm sorry it didn't work out,
I'm sorry I brought you onto all of this?
What do you want me to say?
And please don't call me Mr. Brown.
- Click.
Mr. Brown, thank you
very much for you time.
- Ice cold.
- Great, I'll see you later.
Call me if you need anything,
and tell that pile of sh*t
I'll get Kugrash down here.
- Our lives suck so bad.
- Oh my god.
- You can't do a campaign
about New York City
and have people's lives not
be truly f*cking miserable.
Incredible.
- Greatest city in the world!
- Awesome.
We're going to cut over now to Sofia.
What does Sofia get up
to after the bodega?
- Okay, well.
First off I'm starting to sober up.
I think I go to a drug store.
I'm trying on some sunglasses.
Maybe I'm impulse shopping
some Christmas stuff.
'Cause they have, like, you
know, a nice display, and...
When you are missing
something in your life,
you try to replace it with material items.
Anyways, I text my brother, and I say,
Mario, I'm heading back to Staten Island.
I need to talk to you.
- You see he gives a text back and says,
missed you last night.
Sure, let's talk.
- Okay.
So I think that's my objective.
I take my huge bag of Christmas stuff.
And then while I'm on the ferry,
I also want to try to
meditate for the first time.
Actually, oh, you know what
I also do at the drug store?
Are there any self help books?
- You start looking at
these self help books.
Make a perception check for me.
- Okay.
- Okay, 11.
- You don't notice it.
But you hear a voice behind you go,
don't look at all that stuff,
that's all f*cking trash,
you don't need that.
- I turn around.
Who's there?
- You see a guy with a little
shopping cart in his hand.
He's like a five foot four,
extremely built older guy.
You see he's,
looks like he's probably
in his late 50s, early 60s.
Chinese-American guy.
He's got a Mets windbreaker on.
And a little Mets hat.
And you see that he has like, very comfy
kind of athletic sandals and socks.
You see he's got some stuff in there
that looks like rash cream and ointment
and stuff in his basket.
- I never thought how intimate it is
to run into someone at the drug store.
- But he sees you looking at it.
- Oh.
Well, you know, honestly,
I may look, on the outside,
very put together, but, that's
because I'm an aesthetician.
Truthfully, I want to make some changes,
I don't know if that
means I need to be like,
journaling or like, you know,
meditating or something like that, so,
I just was interested in a book.
It doesn't mean you're a bad person
if you turn to self help books.
- You see he shrugs and goes.
I mean, listen.
Meditation is,
maybe the most important
practice one can partake in.
Center oneself.
Become aware.
I get that 100%, it's just that,
these books are commerce,
they're not real wisdom,
you know what I mean?
- Then how am I supposed
to learn how to meditate?
A podcast or what?
Get one of those little apps?
That's commerce as well.
- You see he looks and goes,
forget it, do what you're going to do.
Hey.
It is what it is.
And you see that he walks.
- You sound real familiar.
Someone recently told me it is what it is.
- You see he turns around and
looks back to you and says,
f*ck you talk- f*ck you,
I didn't talk to you.
You see that a whisper of
sparkles appears around him,
and over his shoulders that he can't see,
La Gran Gata's eyes
appear, and wink at you.
And he goes, f*ck you,
what's your f*cking problem?
- I don't know, what's
your f*cking problem?
Also what's your f*cking name?
- My name's f*cking Jackson,
what's your f*cking name?
- My f*cking name's Sofia!
Lee, I mean, Sofia,
Bicicleta.
- He says, why'd you stutter,
what'd you say before that?
- I said my, ugh, whatever
the, I said my married name,
I was married, I was Sofia Lee.
I'm not any more.
Now I'm the crazy old woman
who's got a cat she loves,
and is shopping for self
help books in a drug store
and I've got a pocket full of Santas
that spit up colorful red and green M&Ms!
- Jesus Christ.
I didn't ask for your
whole f*cking life story.
- You asked what's my f*cking problem.
- You see that he looks at you.
He looks at you, and says, Sofia Lee.
- Sofia Lee, I'm getting into the M&Ms.
- You see that he looks at you and says,
you're a f*cking mess.
The f*ck you crying for?
- I don't know.
- You have, he says.
- Honestly I didn't sleep well,
I didn't sleep at all last night.
- You see he looks at you,
and puts down his basket,
as you go to eat something
else, he, lightning fast,
you can't even see his hand move,
snatches out from in front of your mouth.
- Oh my god, I got the sharing size,
you could've just asked for some.
- He leans back, kicks your
basket up into the air,
and all the candy scatters
everywhere and goes,
Come on, toots.
- Okay.
I fight him.
Alright, I take my earrings out,
I take my spanks off,
I shimmy out of my spanks.
Let's do this.
- You see that he says,
you f*cking get left by some guy,
you f*cking get a little bit sad,
and all of a sudden you got
to plow into some chocolate?
Have some f*cking self respect!
Pow pow pow pow pow pow pow!
And you see he just
boxes your f*cking ears.
Go ahead and give me an attack,
give me some attack rolls.
- Oh my god, I want to
f*cking do well so bad.
Nat 20!
- So you see that you, he comes at you.
He plows into your sternum,
and you straight up lose two ki points.
You just, he like...
- I only had one left for today.
- Oh he, robs
you of your ki points.
As you like, stumble back.
See he goes like,
I don't know who the
f*ck you are lady, but,
let me tell your right now.
You got to get your f*cking,
and you,
spin, roundhouse kick him,
right in the chin, and
you see that he skids back
about three feet.
Sets his jaw back in,
and he goes, that's a nice hit, kid.
- Thank you.
And I just want you to know
that I wasn't kicking to,
I wasn't kicking to k*ll.
- He says...
- This was a friendly spar for me.
- He looks at you and says,
yeah, we'll work on that.
- Okay.
Guess we f*cking will.
- He looks at you and goes...
And you see that La Gran Gata
appears on your shoulder.
And she goes,
Jackson Wei of the Order
of the Concrete Fist.
This is my chosen, Sofia...
Lee.
Or Sofia Bicicleta.
You see that he looks and goes, yeah.
Sofia Lee, huh?
Alright.
Listen.
If you are a chosen of the great cat,
and you wish to study at the
Monastery of the Midnight Sun,
learn the secrets of our art,
I would accept you as a student, but,
our monastery is extremely
challenging to get to.
It lies far away, in a remote place,
where only the most
dedicated can reach it.
- Yeah, I know something about that,
I'm from Staten Island.
- Oh, we're in Staten Island.
- Oh!
- No, that's what I was referring to.
- Oh my god!
Yeah, the monastery's in Staten Island.
- Oh my god, where?
How close are you to Spaghetti's?
- We're literally across
the street from Spaghetti's!
- I'm there every other day.
- Oh god, that's crazy.
Alright.
Yeah, that's where the monastery is,
it's in Staten Island.
- Oh, okay.
- Honestly, people think,
people usually guess wrong
about where the center of kung fu is in...
- Yeah.
- No, it's Staten Island.
- If you listen to Wu Tang,
there is a commitment to
Staten Island.
- Can I show you something?
You see he takes his wallet out,
and goes through some
pictures of his kids,
and gets a picture of Method Man and him
sparring in the Monastery
of the Midnight Sun.
- Oh my god.
- He was my best and greatest student.
- Yeah, well I'm hoping to
give him a run for his money.
Honestly.
- Oh, he says, we'll see.
- Okay, yeah.
- So you see that,
so you take the ferry.
You see that Jackson goes and
gets a little cup of coffee
and sits next to you, and goes,
so, you know.
Tell me a little bit about yourself.
You have to know you have a gift.
Your ki power is incredibly strong.
- Thank you.
Honestly until recently I
did not really understand,
I mean I always knew I
was like a tough cookie,
but I didn't know that
maybe that toughness
was coming from something magical.
I didn't know about, I
didn't see anything magical
for a while, but recently
I've been running
with quite a magical crowd,
and it's been really helpful
for some soul searching.
- He says, you know Kingston Brown?
- Yeah.
- Old friend of mine.
- Honestly, this is
going to drive you crazy
but I was just with him.
- What?
- Yeah!
- Ah, that son of a b*tch,
tell him to come by and visit,
no one ever visits Staten Island.
- I can't get any of them.
I have a huge house and no
one will f*cking come to it.
- I have a three bedroom!
My oldest went off to college.
- Yeah!
- And I'm over here with a spare bedroom.
Do I put a gym in there or an office?
I don't know.
- You think if I have the
guest rooms, they'll come stay.
They don't.
- You arrive in Staten Island,
and walk with Jackson, who,
you see immediately has
like, taken a shine to you.
And you keep seeing out
of the corner of your eye,
never fully manifesting, kind
of like spectral or ghostly,
La Gran Gata smiling and winking at you.
- Jackson, can I tell you.
So as you know I am the
chosen of La Gran Gata.
La Gran Gata loves you.
- Oh.
Well, you know, I'll explain
a bit what we sort of do is,
you guys walk up to the ferry and he says,
so I'm part of the Order
of the Concrete Fist.
We are dedicated to the
defense of New York City,
We are dedicated to the
defense of New York City,
against those things which break through
from the other side.
We have a number of spiritual practices,
and there are spirits like
La Gran Gata and others
that are actually of the
magic of the waking world,
of the treasures and splendor
and wonder of this place.
So, it's very wonderful that the great cat
has smiled on me in that way,
as she's chosen to smile on you.
- Yeah.
- Make an insight check for me.
- Nine.
- He gets like a little bit
of a sad look in his eye
when he looks at you.
And you see he just goes, yeah.
In any case.
I don't think it's an
accident that I found you
in that drug store, and,
I will be very happy to induct
you into this monastery.
And you see, as you get
to this little place
across from Spaghetti's, Jesus.
- Spaghetti's Bakery, was it?
- Spaghetti's Bakery.
We bake the best spaghetti!
You see that.
- Staten Island's specialty.
Baked spaghetti.
- There's a little three story
kind of apartment building
across from Spaghetti's.
You see that he,
you get there and you see that
there's like a little kind of,
a little like, fire hydrant.
And you see that there are
two metal buckets next to it
with one of those like, shoulder yokes.
You see he says,
alright kid, you ready
for your first test?
- I guess so.
My only question would be
maybe we start with meditation,
'cause I think I could give you,
I'm running on empty right now,
and I'm willing to
continue to run on empty,
but if you want I can...
- Yeah, there'll be healing at the top.
You see he points to a fire escape.
And you see that the fire
escape goes to the third floor,
and then you see kind of,
you can see that it keeps going up above
the top of the building.
And as you follow it, the
Umbral Arcana fades away.
And you see a, it's like
a gray overcast day.
The fire escape goes up into the sky.
- Okay.
You want me to climb that b*tch?
- I want you to fill these
two buckets with water
and bring it up to the top.
- Okay, yeah.
I can do that.
I'll see you up there.
Jackson jumps straight into the sky.
- Jesus Christ.
- I think I'll be able
to do that in like a day.
- So I guess I look for a hose.
- Yeah, you fill up the two buckets
next to this little fire, you
can undo the fire hydrant.
Fill up the buckets.
- God.
Okay.
- And you head off.
Pete, we're going to go over to you.
- Alright.
- Cool, what are you up to that day?
- I think I'm f*cking pissed.
I think I want to be as
intimidating as possible
as I just like, walk down the street,
and I'm listening to like,
f*cking, The Prodigy,
blasting out of my wireless headphones.
- Hell yeah.
Go ahead and make a check for me,
about looking over your criminal network,
for any like, clues about this...
- Oh cool, like... insight?
- Yeah actually.
Just do, I think do a flat
charisma check for me.
- Ga ga ga ga ga ga ga. Where's charisma.
- Cool.
You begin to like, hustle
your criminal contacts.
Do you go to see Priya that day?
- So I have a plan.
I'm going to get a tattoo,
'cause I need to calm down.
And I've been wanting to
find an eight letter word
to go across my fists,
and I'm going to do "fantasma", across.
So that I'm like, freshly tattooed,
and I'm just like, hey Priya.
Oh, weird.
- F-A-N-T.
F-A-N-T-A-S-M-A?
f*ck yeah, very cool.
- It's not going to look really cool,
you're going to have like,
bandaged.
- It's going to look so
red and cool, anyway,
I'm definitely doing it.
So, I'm getting that tattoo,
and then I text Priya back like,
oh, I happen to be in the
area of this coffee shop,
can you meet up there, and it's like,
the one that we had our first date at.
- She responds back, naturally.
- Oh, god this girl's
language is infuriating.
- I hate that I love it.
Okay cool, so I'm getting
that tattoo and then I...
I think I try to hit up my like,
the dealers who work with like,
Wall Street or like, business people.
Like the ones who look
very like, suit and tie
and can talk to these people
and sell them all like, drugs.
- Okay, you're looking for like,
so like the square, most like,
suity people in your network.
- Yeah, yeah, that might know
of Robert or sold around him
or something like that and I'm like,
getting a f*cking sick
a*s tattoo and bleeding.
- You get a f*cking dope a*s tattoo.
It's like that crazy playing card font.
You know what I mean?
- Exactly.
- Yeah, exactly
- Exactly, yeah.
- I get you.
I get you.
- Fantasma.
- Fantasma.
- What does the word asma mean?
Do you have asthma?
Did you misspell the world asthma?
- No, I don't have asthma, okay?
I smoke all the f*cking time.
- What's a fant?
- What are the letters, precisely?
- F-A-N-T...
- Oh, okay, so it's with an F.
- It's with an F instead
of a P-H, yeah, for sure.
So.
You arrive at the coffee shop.
You've started to kind
of put your feelers out.
- Ow!
- And you see Priya is there.
She looks gorgeous,
she's in this enormous green army jacket.
Her hair's kind of off to one
side, beautiful nose piercing.
She's got this like, weird
little shredded undershirt
that has a picture of like
a weird cartoon mouse,
saying k*ll me, and paint
spattered skinny jeans.
You can see she goes,
Peter.
You have some new ink on your fingers.
- Oh yeah, I've been
getting some new tattoos.
How are you?
- You know that phantasma's
spelled with a P-H, right?
- Oh not this one, no.
- You see she nods and says,
would you like some coffee?
- Hmm?
- Would you like some coffee?
- Yeah, I'll probably get some coffee.
How are you, how are you, you look great,
how are you doing?
- Well, I'm very sleepless at the moment,
I have a big gallery
showing on the 30th, and,
I am just absolutely inundated, as usual,
I've said yes to everything
when I should have said no,
and there's just too much going on.
How about you darling?
- Yeah, I'm good.
Um...
Uh...
Can I roll insight to
see what's going on here?
- Sure, go for it.
- 11, with...
- She's a little bit inscrutable.
You think that there's like
stuff she's sort of not saying.
See she goes, well listen.
I'd heard through the grapevine that
you were homeless at the moment,
and I wanted to make sure
that everything was alright,
because I know that things
didn't end well between us,
but I still do care about your well being.
I want you to be safe.
- Oh, that's f*cking really nice of you.
Oh, thanks.
I'm like, maybe going to cry,
and I'm like, I'm going to go
get the coffee really quick.
- Please take your time, absolutely.
- I get the coffee and I
hold all the tears back.
- You walk up.
You walk up, you go, there's
the barista is this like,
enormous jacked dude
with a handlebar mustache
and a neck tat.
You see he goes, hey man.
You want a pour over?
And we have a little
booth around the corner,
do you want to go, do that real quick?
I'll cover for you.
- Wait, what the f*ck?
- Do you need to go cry?
- There's a cry booth?
- Yeah.
We're all about it here.
- That's really nice,
but I actually wasn't
going to f*cking cry,
so I'll just take that pour over.
- You see he goes like, hey.
Dog, everyone's relationship
to their masculinity
is a journey, and I get that.
But this right here, f*cking kills me.
- What makes you think
I'm going to cry, dude?
- Dude, my f*cking dad died at f*cking 67
because he never f*cking let it out.
And stress clogs your arteries dude,
it's a f*cking medical condition.
- Where's the booth, man?
- He brings you around to a booth.
- I just let go in the booth.
I'm like heaving.
- He comes over and holds
you at a certain point
and he starts crying.
f*ck, dude.
sh*t's rough, man.
- That's f*cking insane.
Alright I get my pour over,
I'm back to Priya, I look great.
- She goes, everything's alright?
- Huh?
- Everything's alright?
- Yeah, yeah, we, he
mistimed the pour over.
That's so nice of you.
So nice of you to offer.
I do actually have a place to live,
I have a really good new
mentor and friend in my life.
- That's wonderful.
- I asked you to come here because...
I had a dream about you.
- Cool.
- I had this insane dream
like I was talking to a man
on a giant clock who was
like a broken glass man.
And I saw you and you were there,
and you started to run away,
and he was dancing, and,
I talked with my therapist about that,
and she basically said to me,
you are on a clock because
the time is now for you to...
you are on a clock because
the time is now for you to...
resettle what your
relationship to Peter was,
because even though it didn't work out,
he still means something to you.
And you see that she slides a
hand onto your knee, and says,
I think...
that there might be a role
that we have yet to play
in each other's lives, and I
want to discover what that is,
and I want to discover it with you.
- I am dating a lot of people.
- She says no, I don't want
to get back together with you.
- Oh, cool, 'cause again.
All the people that I am dating.
But yeah to just like, be
more in each other's lives.
Yeah I'm going to need
to think about that.
- Can I ask something?
It's just one favor that I want to ask.
- Yeah.
- Think about it.
And can you,
I'm nervous about my opening.
Would you come to my
gallery opening on the 30th,
and we can talk about it there?
- Sure, yeah, I would love to.
Do you have like a flyer or something,
or is it like an event,
story I can screenshot?
- No what's happening is,
we actually only have one invitation,
and it's being forwarded
from person to person.
And each time they do, they're
going to take a Polaroid
of the exchange of the invitation.
- That's cool, that's really cool.
Okay, cool.
The art world, it makes sense.
And it's very new.
It's always new.
Oh well that's so great Priya.
Yeah, I'll definitely
be at your show though.
Like I wouldn't miss, ahh!
It for the world.
Wouldn't miss it for the world.
- Wonderful.
I'm going to leave now Peter.
- I was also going to leave.
- Alright.
- Race you.
- I'll let you leave first.
- Hmm?
- You can go.
- So you can watch me go.
I like, flex my back.
- And Pete walks out of the coffee shop.
- We are all such rejects.
- Cool, couple real quick things.
Kingston.
As you are leaving city
hall to go back to work,
Epona comes up to you, and basically says,
hey, I wanted to talk to you real quick,
Kingston, if I could.
- Yeah.
- Look.
I was wondering if,
there were some people with you
that I didn't recognize before,
there was the firefighter
and that young woman.
- Ricky.
- And that young kid.
- Uh huh?
Pete.
- Who are these,
who are these guys?
Give me an insight check.
- Great.
- You just think there's
just a weird thing
where Epona's talking to
you outside of city hall
while this is happening.
And not talking to you in any of the rooms
that you were in where stuff
was being like, officially recorded.
Says like, yeah, so this
kid, what you said, Ricky,
and what was the other name you said?
- Yeah, they're all new people.
Would you prefer if we went inside
and had a chat about this?
It just feels informal, you
know, to be talking out here.
Seeing as you're an
officer and I'm a citizen.
- You see she says, no, man,
I'm not trying to bust
your ba*ls or nothing,
I just want to know about
the kid, just because,
it seems like, you know,
if we can collect statements from them,
or anything like that.
Or honestly if you even
tell me where I can find this kid,
I'll actually be able to go
and just talk to him myself.
- Why would you need to do that?
I mean, why can't they just come downtown?
This just feels like, you know.
What can I say, I'm one for,
everyone needs to do their civic duty.
And they should do it civically.
So, you know, I'll just
send them down to city hall.
How about that?
- She looks at you, nods, and
says, that sounds alright.
If you want to give them my information,
I'd appreciate that, Kingston.
- Of course.
- And Kingston walks away.
We're going to scoot over now to Ricky.
You're over at the fire house.
You're hanging out, having a ball.
- Having a great time.
- Having a great time.
- Literally playing with a
ball, 'cause you're a dog now.
- You're like looking at your phone
over like, texts from Esther.
And you see,
you know, looking at her
last messages were very curt.
You see that there's three
firefighters all named John.
- The Johns.
- The Johns, yeah.
You see the Johns are all kind of like,
lifting weights and one's
making a protein smoothie,
the other one's doing sit ups.
And you see they all look over,
and you see one of them goes,
Hey Rick,
what you looking at over
there on your phone, man?
- Oh I just...
Just going and looking at my texts.
- You see they all look
at each other and go,
texts from a girl?
Ooh!
Come on man!
They're all so jacked.
They come over and start shoving you,
and they're like, come on.
- Ah, come on, come on.
- Come on, man.
Dude!
Come on, like,
we were going to go to AC last weekend,
and you were like not about it,
and like, what's going on, man?
- You know, just...
Texting with this girl.
- All them pull up chairs
and sit them backwards
and go like, talk to me bro.
What's she saying?
- Well.
I think we're just kind of different.
And I'm just trying to, you
know, find some middle ground,
being on the same wavelength.
- How so?
Is she like a different
sign than you, incompatible,
or are you like, I mean talk to me,
like talk to me man, like...
- She's very...
She's so smart.
And I'm, you know.
- They all look and nod at each other.
- She's more of a learned person,
and I'm trying to become a
learned person. 'Cause you know.
- Bro.
I feel that.
'Cause here's the thing man.
It's f*cking hard in this
world for any educated person,
let alone, I mean is this,
are you talking like she's like, smart,
or you mean like, educated, like academic?
- Academic, yeah.
- You see that one of the
Johns looks at you and goes,
bro, I'm going to tell
you straight right now.
That's a hard obstacle to overcome,
because a women trying
to make it in academia
is overcoming so many
hurdles and obstacles,
and honestly, that is a
f*cking challenge, bro.
- Yeah.
I'm just doing a big fly.
- You see that one of them
is doing one armed pull ups
and is just like,
so like, talk to me, like,
are you getting a vibe from
this chick, or is it like,
do you think that she doesn't
feel that way about you?
- You know...
There are moments when I feel like
there's some sort of vibe
going on, but overall,
she's pretty much about her business,
which is something I really respect.
You know.
- Dude I respect that, I respect that,
I respect that too, man,
that's so respectable.
- Yeah.
You know, I'm not really
worried about it right now.
- You see they all nod and they go,
honestly dude, that's awesome, because,
here's the thing man, like,
if you have feelings for somebody,
and you feel that you
are attracted to them,
that attraction is a form of respect.
There's something about them
that you find beautiful.
And if you respect somebody, f*ck dude,
you have to let them go.
Right?
You see the other one's like.
You see that the fire chief
walks in and goes like,
who's by the alarm right now?
You're all out here working out?
Oh, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck,
f*ck, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck!
You guys sort of tumble out of there.
You guys start to get
little texts back and forth,
from Alejandro and Esther being like,
we want to have that meeting tonight,
as sort of tonight rolls around.
- Salads at my place!
- Cool, you guys arrive there.
Is Sofia going,
or did you want to go talk to Mario?
I do want to
talk to Mario, but I mean,
did I make it to the top of the ladder?
- Yes, you did.
- Yes!
- At the top of the ladder,
this enormous, awesome monastery
in the clouds is there.
You see it's all gray.
The walls look like they're
made of sidewalk material,
those big sidewalk squares
with like, gum on them.
And you see that, you're like, oh,
everything here is made
of sidewalk or floor.
And you see, because
it all looks like that,
the monks are able to walk on
walls, because the walls are,
everything here is floor.
- I put my foot to a wall.
Can I walk on it?
- You can walk on it.
Gravity shifts.
And you see there's tons of
other monks here training
who look and smile at you as you walk in.
You see that there is this incredible
yin and yang symbol up.
The yin yang is made of,
not black and white though.
There is a golden half that is
speckled with grime and soot.
There is a golden half that is
speckled with grime and soot.
And there' an incredible
like, purple pink blue half
with like star energy in it.
You see that Jackson looks
over at you and goes,
yep, there it is.
The Dreaming and the waking world.
- Ah.
- Let's get your training started, kid.
You heal, but,
you are healed by your
presence in the monastery,
but then also just spend a whole day
f*cking training in all
these awesome martial arts.
- This is too cool, I text
Mario and I'm like, rain check.
I'm like, it's super
pressing that we talk,
and it is really important,
if you're in Manhattan,
please let me know,
but for now, rain check.
- Cool, you get no response back.
Jackson is awesome.
The first thing he works with you on,
is he gets all the other students
to pile into this room,
and they start walking like a crowd.
He puts a bucket of water on
your head, and says, alright.
Crowd of people, Penn station.
Rush hour.
What are you going to do?
- Oh, I can do this.
- And you just do these sprints
through a crowd of people
with a bucket of...
- Can we say that part of
the reason I do it well
is 'cause I got really good hip movements?
- You see he goes, great
hip movements out there!
Your center of gravity's great.
Watch your hands, you're
sloppy with your hands!
- Oh, oh, sorry, sorry, sorry!
- He says, you're always
talking with your hands,
keep your hands to your side!
- That's a good point, oh!
- And he starts to drill you
in this awesome New York kung fu.
- Yeah.
- You train for the rest of that day.
So, Alejandro I think probably
calls up Ricky, Kingston,
Misty, and Kugrash.
calls up Ricky, Kingston,
Misty, and Kugrash.
But Sofia also heard about it.
So if Sofia wants to
go, she can go as well.
- I'm going to deferentially
refer to Jackson and say,
I have an invitation from
Kingston to talk some shop.
I'm cool to stay here and train.
However if you'd prefer
me lend my services there,
I can also do that.
- He says, kid.
You put in a hard day's work, alright?
Go for it.
- Alright.
- He says, remember.
We'll start working on
meditation tomorrow, alright?
- I'm going to start
doing it on the ferry.
I got these really big sunglasses
so I can close my eyes
and no one will know I'm meditating.
- He nods.
You head off.
You guys get to the meeting
place with Alejandro.
You see that he looks around at you guys,
Esther is there as well.
Pete is not here.
But he looks at the other
five of you, and goes,
friends of the Gramercy Occult Society,
thank you for answering this message.
Congratulations as well, to Sofia, for
being our newest member
of The Unsleeping City,
and joining the Monastery
of the Midnight Sun.
- You running around with Jackson?
- Yes, he speaks very highly of you.
He was asking for you.
- I'm telling you, that
man did damage in the 90s.
Whew!
- Alejandro looks around and says,
the presence of the Vox Phantasma
begs a question.
There have in the past been Vox Phantasmi?
Phantasmus, Phantasmas?
- Phantasamasas.
- Thank you.
- I'm going to say it's an English word
and we're going to say Phantasmas.
- Thank you.
- It's not a Latin...
We're not speaking Latin here.
- No, we are not.
- Language is mutable, you know,
it's a beautiful thing,
and we should use it as-
- Misty, sit down, sit down,
you don't need to stand up.
- You see that
Alejandro looks out and says,
there is a version of the
fight that happened in Astoria
that goes a very different way.
I want to offer forward the
question of what should be done
if young Peter loses control of his magic
in a way that is even more dangerous
than what we have already seen.
- I mean, I'm certainly worried about it.
I'm wondering actually if
your friend Jackson can help,
he's such a centered man,
focused on meditation.
- Jackson was really cool,
I'd love to spend more time with him,
should I text him?
This is a great first reason to text him.
Jackson.
- I mean, here's the truth, Alejandro.
If things get out of hand,
we put him down.
- What?
- Straight up.
- I think...
I have kids.
I have kids.
- What?
- I f*cked up.
I f*cked up raising-
- You have rat kids?
- No, you know I was a human,
you know I was a human.
- Oh you have human kids.
- Yes I have human kids.
And I've made this mistake before,
of overlooking people.
And making them angry and bitter,
and we need, Pete should
be part of this discussion.
- You know what?
Kug is right.
Kug is right because if
you mess up someone's hair,
you don't just, like if you
fry someone's hair dyeing it,
you don't just shave their head.
You do like a deep conditioning treatment.
- Yes.
- The problem is we are
not talking about hair.
We're not talking about your kids.
We're talking about the entire
population of New York City,
now if you're asking me to choose
between New York City or Pete?
- Can I just say, maybe we
should consider locking him
in some kind of magical cave for eternity?
We don't have to k*ll him.
- That's the worst one so far.
- I don't want to ki-
- Alejandro goes, Misty,
you cannot keep suggesting
to lock people in caves.
- It's a useful tool!
I'm just saying.
- You were trying to get us
to lock the mummy in a cave
for a long time.
- I saw one time when you
were at the first Sephora
that opened up in New York City,
and the person wouldn't
let you speak to a manager,
and you demanded to lock
them in a giant crystal cave.
- Those stores are confusing
and I don't know what's good.
I need some help.
And they don't clean
their brushes properly.
- Oh, they don't?
That's why I always get pink eye from it.
I wanted to know.
Just so I can better
understand this situation,
why would the,
is there a reason that the
inhabitants of the Vox Phantasma
is there a reason that the
inhabitants of the Vox Phantasma
would want to come here, instead?
What's wrong with what
they've got going on?
- You see Alejandro, he says,
when you continue your training
you should ask Jackson about that.
The Order of the Concrete Fist was created
because of the danger represented
by the realms of Dreaming.
It was the response of a waking world
constantly besieged by the forces beyond.
In dream, things are insubstantial,
chimeric and ephemeral.
Acts of sudden change and
chaos in the realms of dream
do not fundamentally alter
the nature of that plane.
But when raw, pure magic enters
forth into the waking world,
as often as it creates wonder, or joy,
it creates destruction and chaos.
It is not fair to the people
who have come to this city
or been born here and lived
here their entire lives, that...
their well being, safety, and in fact,
even their life or death
should be thrown into chaos,
because of what amounts to often a joke.
The spirits of Dreaming are...
frenzied and wild, and you
can even see from Peter,
the sense of weight or gravity
of his actions escapes him.
When a Vox Phantasma comes to New York,
in the case of Josephina
Gatsby, which you knew.
- Oh, so fun.
- She manifested dreaming through
delight and wonder and whimsy.
Peter actively courts the
darkness more than the light.
And the realm of dream has much
in the way of destruction to offer.
If Peter treads his path recklessly,
he could become something
far more dangerous
than we have the capacity to handle.
- Okay, so we just replace
all his drugs with Tic Tacs.
Right?
- I mean I think that's obvious.
- We're giving Pete
something to rebel against.
- We're having a meeting without him.
- Well okay, but we need, okay.
- Let's get Pete.
- No, you need to, no!
Hold on.
Y'all need to slow down, alright?
Because I get it.
I get that you feel that
Pete is being left out
and thus he thinks he needs to rebel.
He is already rebelling without that.
So we do need to have this meeting,
we do need to have this space,
because we need to decide how
we are acting towards him.
- Yeah I'm a big fan
of mischief, obviously,
personally myself, but
there's a difference
between mischief and danger.
I do need this city to
be stable enough for...
- For your show to come out.
- Honestly, for theater to happen,
because otherwise I can't live.
- 'Cause there's not a lot of
art during uncertain times.
- Truly.
- I'm all for keeping New York safe.
But that includes Pete in my mind.
- Again.
Just a magical cave, we
can make it a nice cave.
- Alright.
You can see that Esther looks up,
and looks at you Kingston and goes,
I agree with Kingston.
When Kingston speaks he speaks
for the people of this city,
and I think Pete is a swell guy.
I've also seen him multiple times
attempt to sell drugs to children.
And...
We would be really foolish
not to acknowledge the danger.
Why don't we let Alejandro hit the books?
I will as well.
And we can see if there...
I'm not saying crystal cave.
But I'm saying some magical
remedies to our situation.
Maybe something that can at least lessen
Pete's level of power while
he's learning about himself.
- Can I just interject?
Because I'm in a somewhat
similar situation to Pete here,
which is that this is all very new to me,
and it's all very overwhelming.
So magic feels really old
hat and normal to you guys,
but to him, he's barely
just beginning to grasp it.
So it's not the same as like,
mishandling magic that
he's known all his life,
it's mishandling magic
that he learned about
a couple days ago.
So I think that there's got to be
more of a grace window, for someone.
- Alejandro.
Make a persuasion check with advantage.
- Okay.
- 18.
- Alejandro takes the little
Juul out of his jacket
and looks at it and you see his eyes
water up a little bit and he says,
Sofia I think you are absolutely right.
There is research to be done.
Pete has only known of
his powers for a few days.
I would ask that we keep
this a secret from him
for the time being.
All of us are very busy.
You have new training.
You have your ward over the city.
The rest of you of course have your own
duties and responsibilities to attend to.
We will be in touch in a few days time.
- All I'm saying is Merlin,
after a couple of hundred
years, was happier.
- I cannot hear about this
crystal cave one more time!
You see that,
you guys head off.
A few days of downtime pass.
You're training.
All you guys were plenty busy
before the weekend from hell.
Pete.
You in your searches a
couple days after that.
You get a call from one of
your suit buddies, saying,
I know where the guy's going to be.
- I'm talking to him, right?
- Yeah, you're talking to him.
- Okay, uh...
- He's like, hey man, if
you're looking for Robert,
if you even want to get a beat on him,
or you want to talk to him,
I know where he's going to be.
- I have a card with his address on it.
Is this the same address?
- The guys says yeah,
you could probably also spot
him there if you wanted to.
- Okay, where's he going to be?
- He's like, a party up in Hell's Kitchen.
- Cool.
Nice.
What's he like?
Like what's his...
- You see he says...
- Who is he?
- He says, a big finance guy.
Old, old power behind the
throne in Wall Street circles.
But is he known for
anything, is he like, brutal,
does he have...
- You see he says, he's like,
no, he's not brutal,
he's a smooth operator,
and a pretty easy guy
to talk to, actually.
- Hmm.
f*ck.
Okay.
Thanks man.
- Cool.
So Pete has this info on this dude,
what's Pete going to do?
- Can I try to talk to
Alejandro's daughters?
- Sure, you can text them.
- Cool.
I'm like, hey.
Your dad, I hate it when men yell at me.
Can I talk to you?
- You see they both,
they both text you back
in this group chain,
and one of them sends a gif
of someone rolling over laughing.
And another one sense something of a
very old man falling over in
a walker with fail under it.
And you see one of them
says, g-pa sucks, what up?
- Yeah, okay cool, I try
to meet up with them,
because I have a bunch of questions.
- Cool.
You meet up with them.
You meet up on a corner.
You see, yeah, they arrive
and meet you on a street corner.
- Okay.
Do you guys know anything
about Vox Phantasma,
or like, what's going on, or...
- We can like, look stuff up if you want.
- One of them looks over and says, yeah.
Grandpa's super pissed.
I...
I would probably not hang out with him
much in the future.
- What do you mean?
He hasn't calmed down?
It's been like a week.
- You see they say, look, Pete.
We think you're awesome.
And just like, be careful, okay?
- What?
Why?
- The Society has to come first.
They vanish.
Make a perception check for me.
- Okay.
Nat 20.
- Jesus.
- There is a car idling, a black town car
idling at the street corner.
And you see that its doors unlock.
- I walk towards it.
- f*ck.
- A door, back door opens up.
- I mean I don't get in.
I like, kind of have my g*n.
- Cool.
And I'm like, what's up?
- You hear a voice from inside go,
friends let you down, huh, kid?
- I say,
who are you?
- My name is Robert Moses.
Do you want to figure it out?
Why don't you hop in?
We'll take a ride.
- I say f*ck you!
And I run.
I'm sick of all these men in my life!
I don't have a home to go to.
I think I go to an
Equinox for a free trial.
- You start, as you start to run,
you see that he gets out
of the backseat of the car,
and stands, and you see he says,
I like to talk in a town car, but,
you see he says, if that
makes you uncomfortable,
I'd be happy to talk somewhere else.
You have been running me down
through your criminal network,
so I thought you'd like
the opportunity to speak.
- How do you know everything.
Alright, you can come to this Equinox too.
- He starts walking with
you down the street.
- Get on the ellipticals!
- Get a date and peanut butter smoothie.
- He's just walking with
you down the street.
You see he starts walking and goes,
while we're heading to Equinox.
He says, you want a cubano my friend?
- Uh, yeah, I take it.
Can I like, check it?
- Yeah, go for it, yeah, check it.
- Eight.
- Seems fine to you.
- Alright.
- You see that he says, here you go.
And takes an old match case out and
lights up a match
and holds it to light the cigar.
He walks along with you and goes, well...
I want to apologize, I think
we got off on the wrong foot.
- How did you know that
thing about my dad?
- I make it my business
to know these things,
and I don't know if this is
going to catch you off guard.
But you're not the most subtle
Vox Phantasma there's ever been.
- What...
Okay, I have a lot of questions.
What happened with my dad?
Did I cause that?
- In a sense, yeah, you did.
- Hmm.
- You...
You got f*cked, kid.
I'm sorry.
- What do you mean?
- Well.
Did you sign up for
this Vox Phantasma job?
Did you weigh the health benefits?
Did you get a choice in the matter?
- No.
- No.
- Does it suck to be the Vox Phantasma?
- What do you think?
You're homeless.
You've got a bunch of problems.
- That's just New York.
- You see that he holds out a camera,
and plays something on his
phone and shows it to you.
You see a security cam footage
from the Gramercy Occult
Society, and see Kingston
talking about k*lling you.
- Oh, f*ck.
- And you see Alejandro and
Esther weighing that option.
- If things get out
of hand, we put him down.
We're talking about
- That's not real.
- the entire population
of New York City.
- No, that's not real.
- Your call, kid.
- You're asking me
to choose between
New York City...
- No.
I text Kingston.
Hey... What up?
- What's going on, Pete?
- He walks with you a little while.
You see that he goes,
texting Kingston Brown?
Why?
- How do you know everything?
Goddammit.
Alright.
He's my friend, man.
That must have been out of
context or something like that.
- You see that he turns around.
You are suddenly standing
sort of outside this like,
very big looking sort
of like nightclub place.
You see that he goes,
well, as another Vox, you should know,
Kingston Brown's the biggest
schmuck there ever was.
- You're a Vox also?
- No, hell no.
I don't do a job unless I'm getting paid.
- I'm not getting paid for this?
- No, you're not.
- Goddammit.
- Look, kiddo, you're a
businessman, I get you,
you're an entrepreneur.
- Yeah I am.
- You see that he opens this door
and walks into this nightclub,
and you see it is filled with vampires.
And there are a bunch of humans everywhere
who are like, having their
blood drunk around you.
who are like, having their
blood drunk around you.
And you see that he looks and says,
you get it, right?
They think you're some kind of threat
or something like that.
Everybody here chose to be here.
All these humans, you see people again,
looking like haunted and empty.
They all want to be here.
- What are you doing,
what's happening with them?
- Well, they need money.
These vampires need blood.
- So they're selling their
blood to these vampires?
- Look.
You get it.
I didn't create the demand.
People did.
- Um, f*ck.
So pissed.
I text the group,
the nightclub that we're at.
- Cool.
- And the address.
- You see as he walks through
with you, he looks and says,
there's nothing wrong with
you using these powers
for yourself, you don't owe
anything to anybody, alright?
This city is the gateway
to the American dream, kid.
Rags to riches, making
something of yourself,
that's your story, and it's my story too.
It's that little gray kid.
They put this curse on you.
It's this little gray kid
that made you this thing,
against your will.
- What, why me, and who's the baby?
- Nod.
- Yeah.
- You see that he walks
in a little bit further.
And...
He says,
So.
Here's what I'm thinking.
You want to make money.
I want to take care of my business
and protect my interests.
So.
Why don't both of us
do each other a favor,
and talk to this little gray kid
and see what the story is?
- Is the gray kid here?
- Could be.
I can't get the gray kid to come here,
but you're the Vox Phantasma.
- Goddammit.
I look at my phone to see
if there are any texts
from any of the crew.
- I would like to text
saying I'm on my way, yeah.
- I don't have anything else going on,
I was standing in front of
the mailbox trying to open it.
- Yeah, a lot of people
have been hitting me back
that they're interested,
so I'm going to be like,
that sounds really interesting,
I'm going to think on it,
and get a c*ck across the
street at my favorite bar.
- He nods.
And as you turn around,
you see that there's a large
mirror in the nightclub.
- f*ck.
- You see in the mirror
as you turn to look,
you see that you have no reflection,
and where your reflection
should be, is Nod.
Who looks around and goes.
You see Robert raises his hand,
a seam opens in his wrist,
and a rope of blood shoots out of his arm
around the child, and he rips
the child out of the mirror
as it skids onto the
floor in front of you.
- Okay, I point True Strike at Robert,
so hopefully that will activate next turn,
and I like, lunge to grab
the baby as like, my own.
- What is the emotion you're
feeling towards the baby?
- Protection.
Full protection.
- You grab it, roll for wild magic surge.
- Two.
- You go, hold on a second.
- Wait, two?
- I've already done so many.
- Every time they roll.
- You grab the child.
You see that Nod immediately,
its skin starts to like,
You see that Nod immediately,
its skin starts to like,
crack, as it is pulled
out of the dream world.
It starts to die, and you glow
with every color that has ever been.
You fill the nightclub,
incinerate about 20 vampires around you,
and Robert is flung backwards, fwoom!
You see that
Nod looks at you and goes,
I knew I chose right.
And kisses your cheek.
And you teleport away.
- What?
- And you are standing in the
Lorimer Street subway stop.
- f*ck.
- Far the f*ck away from that bad place.
Your wild magic surges, and
Nod is dying in your arms.
- f*ck!
But still alive.
You have service here, if
you need to text these guys.
- Okay, I retext, now I'm at the Lorimer.
Like this is an emergency.
- We got to turn around!
- So far away.
I try to get the ferry
driver to make a detour.
- You're on the ferry?
- You guys all descend
on the Lorimer stop,
it's from all the corners of the city.
You hoof it
there as fast as you can.
- Are we on the G stop or
the I stop on the Lorimer?
- You well, you are on the I.
Oh, the I stop on the Lorimer!
- Okay.
- Yes.
What does Misty say as,
do any of you text each other after that
to text being on that stop?
- G stop or I stop?
- G stop or I stop?
Am I going left or right
as I come down the stairs?
- You get a text from Alejandro
saying, I stop, I stop!
- Do you mention that you have Nod?
- Brooklyn bound or Canarsie bound?
- You remember, well Misty, you remember,
the I train, Canarsie bound,
- Goes to the...
- Goes to dream.
- Sleeping City.
Goes to dreamland.
- Goes to dreamland.
So, probably Canarsie bound, or Nod bound.
- Yeah, let's do it, let's go to Nod.
- Alejandro also on his way.
Does anybody, do you guys
call anybody else or no?
- I think I tell Jackson.
- You tell Jackson, cool.
- I probably text
Esther about it.
- Esther as well.
- I tell Jackson I probably also like,
in my heart I'm like, La Gran Gata,
just 'cause I feel like you should know
what's going on, but
you don't have to come,
I know you're busy,
but, sh*t's going down.
- You guys all arrive.
You get to the I train, you
see Pete standing there,
holding this gray child that's like,
skin is like starting to crack
and wheezing with breath.
You also see that...
So yeah, you all arrive there
on the train platform together.
- Pete, what happened?
- Okay.
- Cure Wounds on the baby.
- Cool.
You cast Cure Wounds on the baby.
See some of the damage
is starting to be healed.
- f*ck!
- Alejandro is there as
well and he says, okay.
Listen, it's a Friday night.
So, it's hard to tell when the train.
'Cause that particular train
to Nod is a little bit tricky,
the MTA, the f*cking MTA!
- God, we've got to be in
the front two carriages
and then move to the back two carriages,
after we get to Canarsie,
but we've got to be the
front two at the beginning.
- Alejandro says, okay.
I'm going to summon all of
my power, his eye goes gold.
We must make the MTA run...
Clocks appear all around him.
On time for once!
You hear another voice.
Hear a voice, clip clop
clip clop clip clop
clip clop clip clop clip clop.
Epona shows up.
She looks up and says,
oh my god, is everything alright?
- I say, I don't know
what the f*ck is going on.
- No, not at all.
- Can I do a perception check on Epona?
- Yeah I would like to do that too.
- Perception I can do twice?
- Yeah, do twice.
- I got a 17.
- Oh god.
- 11.
- Perception?
- I got a 29.
- You see that her police badge
is replaced by a different badge
than you've ever seen before.
It is a shimmering onyx badge,
and it is specifically crooked.
Zigzags woven into the
pattern of the badge.
- Epona?
What are you doing here?
'Cause clearly it's not police business.
- This is bad, right?
- This is very bad.
- Epona, and I cast Suggestion.
Wouldn't it be great,
I heard there's some
shenanigans going on downtown.
- You see that as you
start to cast the spell,
the spell is
sucked into the badge
and steam begins to coalesce
and form out of the subway.
- That's bad.
- You see she looks and says,
problem is Kingston, I am
here on police business.
- Oh, f*ck.
- I'm going to need all
of you to roll initiative.
- f*ck, f*ck, f*ck.
- That's all for this episode
of The Unsleeping City!
Tune in next week,
as we have a little rumble in the subway.
Hope the trains run on
time, see you then, bye!
We are here at the Lorimer I train stop.
Alejandro is casting
an incredibly powerful
concentration spell to
summon the train to Nod.
- I'm going to summon the
power of the juicy c*ck
and call upon my people, the rats!
- Kugrash is in his element.
- Doesn't have to go down like this,
if you just give me the kid!
The steam forms into shadowy,
spectral officers of the law.
The steam forms into shadowy,
spectral officers of the law.
New York's bravest
versus New York's finest.
You think you got what it takes?
- I know I do.
- Come on!
There are millions of people in this city
that rely on public transportation
to get where they need to go!
- Growo!
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03x07 - We Need to Talk About Pete
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A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.
A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.