- It is a snowy
blustery day clear skies
over the best f*cking skyline
of any city that has
ever been or will ever be
it is New York City, baby.
- I'm Pete, I am not
doing well on the inside.
- My name is Sophie Ellie I'm sorry,
no it is Sophia Bicicleta.
- Hey I'm Kugrash.
I live in the subway
tunnels and I take care
of the discarded people of New York.
- My name is Kingston Brown.
I am a steward of New York City.
I will be here until I die.
- I'm Misty Moore.
I'm a Broadway diva lover
dance and light and brilliance.
- I'm Ricky Matsui.
I'm a firefighter and
I'm just here to help.
- But first of Santa Claus is real.
- Awesome.
- Santa Claus clones himself
millions and millions of times
and each of those clones
goes to the separate houses.
Santa deposits his defective clones here
in the city that is Santa Con.
Something's wrong, these Santa Con clones
they're they're not like normal
they're really dangerous.
You have been awakened
into the Unsleeping City.
Make your way to Times
Square as soon as you can.
You see the Times Square is empty.
In the center is an enormous icy cocoon.
You look and see swarming
Santa Con clones.
Hello and welcome back
to the unsleeping city.
My name is Brennan Lee Mulligan.
These are our intrepid heroes.
Say hi intrepid heroes.
- Hi, intrepid heroes.
- I love it.
We descend into Times Square
with this strange icy fortress
throbbing with an icy blue light
and these horrifying Santa
mutant clone f*cking monsters.
- Did you try to make
the most disgusting thing
so we couldn't call them cuties.
- For everyone watching at home
the term is corn gremlin.
All right guys, I'm gonna go ahead here
and clear away some of
our lovely Times Square.
- This one has a little candy cane.
- Santa's little helpers,
that's who we're fighting.
- They ave ripped a man apart.
- Guys, you guys arrive
at the southern end
of this part of Times Square.
- The colored bases is
really doing it for me.
- We begin, you guys
see these are horrifying
mutated Santa clones.
Some with huge insectoid hair faces.
Some with tentacles moving around
where their arms should be.
Some of them instead of
faces have circular mouths
that open up like
like little alien mandibles all going
You guys arrived at the southern end
here you see it they bristle and chitter
and spines erupted from their skin.
Kingston you're the first to act.
- Oh man!
Can I do like a, can I look at this
this this this shell thing and just try
and get a read on it of some kind.
- Give me an inside check.
- All right.
Twelve.
- It is throbbing with
some kind of energy.
There is something inside
of it that is growing.
This is a cocoon.
- Got it, fantastic.
And then well with the rest of my turn
I'll bless Kugrash, Ricky and Sophie.
- Thanks man.
- Thank you.
This is way better than Communion.
- Yeah, your subway token glows
and the strength of the
city fills your bodies.
That's gonna be Ricky Matsui.
- I look around I see them
tearing that guy apart.
Just have to go in
but I also see that she seems
like she's about to run in there.
So, I I cast shield of faith
as a bonus action on Sophie
and then try to walk forward
and attack the closest one.
- Cool you can move.
Your speed is thirty
so you've moved six squares.
- One, two, three, four, five
six, yeah.
- Yeah.
- What is shield of
faith dude due to my AC?
- You get plus two.
White's a constant station.
- So, I'm just gonna just take a
just a regular attack at it.
- Hell yeah go ahead and roll your attack.
- That is only 13.
- Only a 13.
- I don't add blessed to that, do I?
- You do add blessed to that.
- It's D4.
- Yeah, dude its
- 14.
- You hit.
Go ahead and roll damage.
- This one.
- Okay, it's the two pyramids.
- Yeah.
- Two pyramids.
- It's been a while.
I hit for 11.
- 11 points of damaging, awesome
you run up to that Santa
and just first of all you like grab Sophie
what do you say as you cast
Shield of faith on Sophie.
- Just promise me you'll be careful
cause you seem like you won't.
- Anything Mr. March.
- You take a
and you see that your ax thuds in to
that first mutant there.
Roll an inside check for me.
- Okay.
Some of these Santa's look
to be a little bit more
singuiey and tentacley.
The one that you ran up to is a thicker
and like kind of rocky or
has like bone and carapace.
So, you see that your
ax does hurt him badly.
Thuds into him but the the
sort of rocky crunchy exterior
kind of swallows your ax up a little bit
as it like then you pull it back out
but you do f*ck him up.
You do deal some damage to him.
That is going to be the chrysalis.
The chrysalis begins to
glow a little bit brighter
and then these mutants.
Ricky sweet boy please don't hit me.
You see that that Santa
right there does not jump.
You see it goes
and a burst of plasm comes
out of the backside of him
and he rockets up on to
the roof of that place.
- f*cking d*uche bags
are ruining this city.
- This is horrifying.
- They're closing and you guys see
rushing out of the
chrysalis are three more.
One, two and three.
They like squirm and pop out of these
very small openings in
the front a chrysalis.
The ones around Ricky
are going to take swings.
Rick reminded your armor class one more.
- 18.
- That's going to be.
One of them hits you for
for seven points of damage
with his horrifying claw.
- I'm at 23.
- I think you need a role to
maintain concentration, right.
- When I get hit?
- Yeah.
- Oh!
- Go ahead and get roll.
- It's 16.
- Red, the one up on top of the roof
rips open his stomach and goes
and is going to make an attack on Pete
and he goes ahead and
deals six points of damage
to you as a burning hot chunk of coal
shoots out of his innards
and into your face.
He goes
That's going to be
- I'm at 16.
- Sophie.
- Okay, well I've learned a lot today
and my brain is working
overdrive to process everything
so I'll just do what I do best
and get into the fray.
Now, I probably have a bit of experience
like assessing my opponents
because I've been in
many school yard scraps.
Who looks like I wanna go after them
cause I'm used to going
after the biggest guy.
Do you have any kind of like sense of like
you're the biggest threat.
- They all look pretty slimy
and gross to you at the moment.
- Okay, all right then I'm
just coming from Mr. March.
I'm coming to save you.
- My name is Ricky by the way.
I just wanna make sure that you're aware.
- And I'm gonna attack
one of the guys who's attacking him.
- Hell yeah go for it.
- Does a 17 hit.
- A 17 does hit, yes.
- Yes b*tch.
So, that's gonna be six
and then with my other elbow
it's gonna be three.
We're just gonna leave it at that for now.
- Hell yeah, you see six and three.
Yeah you ran up, pow pow.
You hit this one as well.
Give me an insight check as well.
- 19.
Wait no it's gonna be more than that.
It's gonna be 22.
- You run up to one that I believe yours
has a little tentacle there
that you're hitting, right.
- Yeah.
- Yours is like a little
slimier and squishier
and you hit it with your fists
and you feel that it is hurting it badly.
You did deal damage to this thing.
The ones that like Ricky is fighting
look more even though they're harder
they're also more brittle
as a result of that.
Just as you're fighting them,
just a weird thing that occurs
cause you hit this guy and he just kinda
squishes a little bit.
That's that's going to be Pete.
- Okay, I'm freaking the f*ck out.
I haven't slept in four days.
I think I'm trying to
channel whatever that like
dark voice that took care of my dad was.
Like that button isn't
still on my bracelet.
- Yeah, you touch your bracelet
and you hear a bunch of
voices whispering help me
- Okay, yeah I invoke that.
- Awesome.
What is Pete sort of
thinking at that moment.
What's Pete wanna have happen.
- I'm like I need to blow
as many of these away
as I f*cking can.
This day is crazy.
- Cool, go ahead.
If you wanna cast scorching ray
I think that's probably gonna surge up.
So, your role spell attack.
- Four.
- Plus your spell attack.
- Which is right.
- That's, so you got a
ten on the first one.
- A ten does not hit
but you get two more attacks.
- I got you.
Okay, yeah.
So, 15.
- 15 hits.
- And 12.
- And 12, 12 also hits.
- Cool, all right great.
- So, you can either send
about two different people
or you can send them at the same person.
You can also, they're
each separate attacks
so you can see what the first
attack does and then decide.
- Okay, I'll do that.
I'll se what this first attack is.
- Cool, roll to D6.
- I guess I'll aim for
that guy right in front of me.
- Cool, go for it.
- okay, nine.
- Nine damage, you f*cking explode him.
Your fire spell appears
to work even better
than it nor
it's like a small amount of fire
but it hits him and
- Oh, cool.
- You hold your hand out
and you hear behind you like
this just these whispers going like
and that Santa looks you
right in the eyes and goes
and just explodes and
peppermint everywhere
and then a little five
feet area around him
peppermint shards fly
out in all directions.
- God job kid, you're really good at this.
You're good at k*lling people.
You're gonna fit in great here.
- I could k*ll anyone honestly.
- I'm gonna go for this
guy kinda in the cluster
also in front of me.
- Thirteen.
Sick.
- When that happens he
explodes into peppermint.
Roll me a dexterity saving throw.
- Yikes.
- Oh, blessed.
- Your blessed.
- You're all fourteen.
- Yeah.
- You're fine.
You only take three points of cold damage
as this f*cking horrifying
mutant erupts in fire
and peppermint goes everywhere.
That is going to be Misty.
- I would like to do an
investigation or kinda
check on this situation.
- Go ahead, role either one.
- Great, I don't have good
for either of them but
sixteen.
- You're looking at it
and you can tell that
something inside of that
is again pupating, is about to come out
and that it's not only
producing these clones here
it is transforming actively
within that chrysalis.
- I turn to Kingston and say
there's something in
there we gotta get it.
- Do you wanna go inside
that's my question.
- I'm thinking about it.
- I'm also thinking about going inside.
- Did you guys see how
I just lit them on fire.
- Yes, you're magical.
You'll get used to it.
I didn't even have to use my g*n.
- Just be careful with that in the future.
- Okay, I will.
Thanks bro.
Kingston, he's really annoying.
- What?
I say we I'm trying to go inside, I think.
- So, I'm gonna move as close to
can I take a dash
action and and get as close
to this thing as possible?
- Yeah you can move.
You can move 12 squares
with a dash action.
- 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12.
I'm gonna just wait here
cause a bunch of things
are gonna come out of here in a second.
- That's misty, that is your turn.
- What are your hit points total.
- 27.
- Okay, okay, okay.
- Unless unless you
wanna use a bonus action.
- Oh, yes and I will
turn around and say by the way Kingston
as always that coat looks fabulous on you
and I give you body conspiration.
- Thank you Misty.
- Kugrash that's you baby.
- Sweet, I start rushing
towards the old cocoon here.
One, two, three, four, five.
I have 25 speed
and then I'm going to
create a flaming sphere
and send it in.
- f*ck yeah!
- I make it as an action within 60 feet.
So, I'll do it like where I can see it
and then as a bonus action
I can move it up to 30 feet.
So, I'll
- Oh, hell yes.
Do you make an attack role for that
or is it a saving throw.
- The sphere stops.
If it hits someone they have to do
a dexterity saving throw
if they're in the way.
- Gotcha and you're sending it like up
through the channel.
- Yeah, I'm just gonna send
it in the in the old doorway.
- Hell yeah!
Go ahead and roll damage for
me from the flaming sphere.
- Okay, sweet.
I think it's just 2 D6
damage on a failed save
it stops like once it hits one person.
So, it doesn't like go
through a bunch of people.
Eight damage.
- You send it in there
and you guys hear the
deepest most terrifying
From within there and the
light inside the chrysalis
begins to glow.
- f*ck you too man.
f*ck you come out of your stupid cocoon.
I know you're not a butterfly.
Butterflies are nice.
- Yeah and the thing you
said in there by the way
it's like I imagine Kugrash just like
whips a dirty rat hand
along and just sparks
some of the residual oil in the asphalt
and this nasty trash ball
of like oil fire that's like
it's like one of those where
you think of magical fire.
You think like a brilliant bright
this is like most so smoking that
you almost can't see
the fire in the middle.
- Awesome, that's gonna
go back and be Kingston.
- I guess I'm gonna chase
after these other two
so yes we go one, two, three, four, five
can I go through this way?
- If you're taking a yeah
you can take a double.
- Six, seven, eight, nine.
Okay, now I have to stand up.
Nine, ten, eleven, twelve.
- Hell yeah.
- Good.
- Awesome, that's gonna be Ricky.
- Okay, so the one in
front of me is the the kind
that it seemed brittle
and then one to the
right of me seems softer.
- Yes, correct.
- Okay, I'm just gonna hit the softer one.
Just to see what would happen
if I hit it with like slashing damage.
- Cool, go for it.
Roll and attack.
- 19.
- 19 definitely hits.
- Cool.
- And are you going for the
one that Misty already kinda
yeah, cool, awesome.
- Sophia.
- Oh Sophia.
- Yes doing that one.
Yeah, no.
I hit it for 15.
- You hit it for 15.
This thing looks and it's just
this gooey oosing tentacle
and as he looks at you and says
and you split it it explodes
and each of you need to make
a dexterity saving throw.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- I only got a five.
- I got sixteen.
- You got 16 and you got a five.
You take four cold damage.
Sophie, you take two.
- Okay.
- But you see that yeah
it's super effective.
Your ax glows bright and the
power of civic responsibility
flows through your veins.
That guy dead.
Then
- Forgot they explode.
- Now it's gonna be
these dudes, I'm afraid.
You feel something in there
battering its way out.
Trying to like hatch
out of this chrysalis.
- Hey you don't do it buddy.
It's fine.
Stay asleep.
- Kugrash stop yelling at it.
It's just speaking in bug.
- You see these f*cking mutants.
This guy comes here,
this guy's taking a step over here,
this guy comes over here, this guy here.
Okay, but you see that no other Santa's
come out of the chrysalis
now that the fire's in there.
- Dope, tight.
- And this guy is going to fly down
and f*ck with our boy Pete.
Cool, Pete go ahead make a
deck savings throw for me.
- Five.
- Cool, you go ahead and take
five points a cold damage.
I'm going to need
this is gonna be brutal.
I'm gonna need Kugrash to make
two dexterity saving throws.
- Okay.
- Remember You're blessed.
- You blessed dude.
- I am blessed, good.
I have pretty good decks.
Not 20.
- Cool and roll me another one.
- Ten.
- Ten is exactly what you needed.
- Thank goodness.
- The first one you take no damage from
the second one you only take
three points of cold damage.
I'll describe what's
happening in a moment.
I'm gonna need Sophie to make
three dexterity savings first.
- Okay.
- Three.
- Disgusting.
Whatever is happening
right now is disgusting.
- First one is gonna be 25.
I'm a dexterous b*tch.
Not one.
Yeah two one's, so
that's gonna be an eight,
And then other one is gonna be a 18.
- 18, cool.
You take, Jesus you take
- Jesus like whoa
- You only take seven
points of cold damage.
Ricky I'm gonna need you to make
one, two, three, four, five
dexterity savings throws.
- Come on, that's too many.
- How does this math workout?
- You definitely bless the right people
- Eight for the first one.
- Failure.
- Eight for the second one.
- Eighteenth and the third one.
- Cool.
- Not twenty.
- No damage.
- And then this is 12.
- Okay, I will need Kingston and Misty
to each make two savings throws as well.
- Dexterity?
- Yeah, dexterity.
- 11, first.
- Ricky takes 12 points of cold damage.
- Okay am at 4.
- 11 and 15.
- 11 or 15.
- I yeah, I got an 8 and a 24.
- Kingston you take 4
points of cold damage
and Misty you take 7
points of cold damage.
You guys see that all these
the thing inside here screams
all of the mutant Santa clones go
and pull their mouths open and go
and a torrent of razor-sharp
peppermint spines
as they all breath weapon
all over you guys at the same time.
Shredding your bodies with
like cold and peppermint.
And the smell of like pine and mint
and bile and sh*t is mixed
into the air together.
- It's fine, it's fine.
It's f*cking New York what do you expect.
- The New York you live
in and the New York
that I live in is very
different my friend.
- You know, same place.
- Incredible that's going to be.
- I actually have to roll
the maintain concentration
cause I got more flaming
- Do I also need to?
- So, you're
- I got a twenty.
- Cool, great.
- I got, I don't think
I did it I didn't do it.
I only got a nine.
- Yep, the flaming sphere is gone.
- Do I have to do it for blessed.
- For blessed yes you do.
- Great.
- On a constitution check.
- This constitution I do not.
- The bless disappears as you guys are
eviscerated by this peppermint storm.
That's gonna be Sophie.
- Okay, I am done wasting
my time with henchmen.
I'm going after that chrysalis
and I'm gonna use a key point to dash
so that I can run over here and into here.
I'll take their attacks of opportunity.
- Okay.
They miss you.
So you take a dash.
- So, I take my dash.
I wanna slide in here
like Colton play style.
- So, go ahead and give me an acrobatic
you also see by the way that
and I'll throw this at you you
as you're running towards it.
Because of the fire and
because of the thing
inside battering its way out
you also see that the structure of this
also looks incredibly weak right now
just throw that out there.
But if you want to slide in
you're totally welcome to.
- I wanna slide it in and
attack whatever is in there.
- Absolutely.
- While it's trying to form itself.
So acrobatics.
- Cool.
- I gotta 11.
- You slide in and the
ice tunnel closes on you
and you're not able to slide all the way
into the tunnel.
- sh*t! f*ck!
- But you you have an action left.
So, there's a you it's
cause you did your movement
you had a bonus action dash
so you have a full
action left if you want.
Can I just heave that sh*t off me?
- Yeah. You got to do
athletics or a saving throw.
- Okay, I'll do athletics.
- You trapped under here, go to lift
and as you were going there
you hear a voice somewhere deep inside you
go it is what it is.
You fling the entire
chrysalis all into the sky
you feel a power in your body
and a sense of purpose that you honestly
haven't felt in a long time.
And you guys watch the ice scatter
and the dome fly into the sky.
- Oh! Is that Santa.
- Oh wait Santa's down there.
- What the f*ck?
f*ck yeah!
- Honestly guys, more like
Miracle on 42nd Street.
- We just watched a drunk
woman flip a giant ice cocoon.
And just up in the sky.
It like shatters against
one of the buildings
and turns into snow.
- I'd turn to Kingston be like
just like old times.
- I mean I'll tell you.
- Hey did anyone see that.
- Pete, that's gonna be you.
- Jesus Christ.
- Santa's like friend
of these f*cking dead.
Very hurt, he looks awful.
- Okay. Can I run up unto this?
- Yes either use magic to do
if you have magical you can do that
or you can make an acrobatic
strike to get up on there.
- Yeah I'll do that.
- You are a bad roller.
What is that?
What do I add to that?
- Just your acrobatics.
- It'll just be your decks
unless you have three so eight.
- Eight.
- You go to climb up on here also this
Santa's gonna get an attack
of opportunity on here
- Is there's one there?
- There's one that yeah f*cked with you.
- Oh, yeah.
- Definitely hits for and deals you
five points of damage with a claw
as you rush past.
And you start to try to clamber up
and you hear a voice in your head saying
and you can't get up.
You're like scrambling to try to get up.
You feel the weird rising
sense in your stomach.
Also one thing we forgot to do last round
when you were doing some magic
was to roll for wild magic surge.
Please go ahead and roll
for a wild magic surge now.
- Oh yeah, cool.
- 17, we're also gonna be doing
a home brew rule here with your wild magic
which is that every time
you don't wild magic surge
the chance of you wild magic
surging goes up by one.
- Okay, so I have to roll twice.
- All right, you can roll at the same time
but now on a 1 or 2 you surge.
- Oh, it grows.
- The longer it grows.
It like builds up.
You can't make it up there but
you do have your action left.
- Great, yeah yeah.
So, I'm going to get back
in touch with that darkness
cause it felt like it was like helping me
and these new friends.
So, I'm gonna try to
attack this like big daddy.
Can I reach that with 120?
- 120, yes you can definitely do.
- Okay, I'm going to do scorching ray
but this time I'm gonna
use a sorcery point
to add one more.
So, instead of like people I can do four.
- Is that one of the is that
one of the powers you have?
- Yeah sorcery I guess I
can use a point per level
per level of the spell to add like a
an extra,
like an extra.
- What's the name of that ability?
- I think it's just something
I can use for sorcery.
Sorcery points for
- Okay, I'm not seeing but
in order to do extra damage
or are you doing sorcery points
to make an extra spell slot.
- It would be using a sorcery point
to pick an extra person to attack.
- Oh, you just get one more ray with that?
- I think so.
- Okay.
- Well, I could be wrong.
I'm down to check.
- You know what I'm down.
You can take another ray
with a sorcery point.
We'll figure it out later.
- Does that sound
- I think it might just be spelled slots
but I haven't played
- I think it's just spell slots.
If you wanna use two,
both your sorcery points
to add another ray
I'll house rule that we
can do that this time,
cool, go ahead and roll your four attacks.
- Cool, 11.
- Plus here.
- Oh, right.
So, 17.
- That hits.
- 19 plus 625.
- That hits.
- 21
and 9.
- Roll damage for your
first three attacks.
- Cool.
These are D6s.
- Yeah, one more.
- Yeah, one more.
- There you go.
- Nice, yeah.
- Hell yeah!
- All on big daddy?
- All on big daddy.
- Pete go ahead and tell me.
You reach out to the voice
and the voice of the darkness goes
it is right to wish for power.
What happens as Pete raises his hand?
Did you feel this is powerful magic?
- Yeah, I feel I do feel like it's evil
but I'm like I have always been
someone who lives in the night.
And maybe that's just me now.
So, I'm like thank you.
And then I attack.
- Your the flesh and bone of your arm
explodes out like a banana peeling apart
and a torrent of flame shoots out.
And you see the flame is
filled with these little
beaked goblins or something made of fire
going like yay we're all coming.
As sh**t out
and rend the chests of
this giant Santa thing
and your arm starts to like
stitch itself back together.
You feel insane and like high.
This is awesome.
Go ahead and roll another
wild magic surge for me.
- 17.
- You're good.
- What's the worst thing that could happen
in a Wild magic surge.
- You could k*ll your entire party.
- I'm here for it.
- That's going to be.
That's going to be a Misty.
- I would like to take
a five foot step back.
I can take a five foot step back without
getting a night attack
of opportunity, right?
- A foot step is actually a 3.5
as long as you don't leave the
threatened area you're fine.
- So, I would like to cast fairy fire
which is the first level spell
on this little monster guy
and he has to win a
he has to beat a dexterity saving throw
and if he does not beat the dex throw
he regain advantage on
all attacks against him.
- Really?
- Yes.
- That seems extremely
- I'll read it out to you if you like.
- No, that that's great.
So, he has to roll a deck save.
- Yeah.
- What's the DC for your spells?
- DC is 14.
- Ooh boy!
You know what it's first battle
let's bring out our old
friend the box of doom.
Once again bringing out our
old friend the box of doom
for important rules here.
Our friends are in the middle
of a frozen Times Square fighting these
horrifying Santa's and they're.
We're not going to roll cause that Santa
is gonna make a little old saving throw.
Tell you right now that this santa
makes that throw on a 13 or higher.
To see if the spell affects it.
Will go ahead and roll.
It rolled a five.
- Misty, what does your spell look like
as you cast it?
- A beautiful sparkly
almost like Disney princess
circle of lights enshroud him
and like ding off of him in
little train like blinky bells.
Darling, I love to be naughty.
- Incredible.
Kugrash, it's gonna be you.
- Sweet, oh boy everyone's so f*cked.
Okay, Kingston you get you got to
you got our friend Ricky here.
- I'm I think I'm gonna head
back for Ricky in a second.
- Okay, then I'm gonna
I guess I'll create another flaming sphere
and sh**t it at him.
That'll be my last second level spell
but I'm gonna I'm gonna do that.
- Hell yeah go ahead and
this guy's gonna make a save.
What's your DC on that?
- My DC is 14.
- Awesome, go ahead and roll damage.
- Cool.
- Yeah, f*ck yeah!
- And then I'm just gonna
have it chill up in his sh*t.
- This garbage oily fireball
attacks this giant monster.
Kingston that's you.
- Can I, what's the state of Santa?
- You look attack, make
a medicine check for me.
What is the state of Santa?
That's gonna be that's gonna be 28.
- Santa is badly injured
but still breathing.
- Okay, right.
I think of my old friend Santa
but I notice how awfully hurt
Ricky Matsui is right now.
- I can heal myself.
- To what extent though?
I haven't cure wounds and a lay on hands.
- Still.
- If you felt like
healing Santa, heal Santa.
- I kinda wanna heal Santa.
- You gotta do it, heal Santa.
He can take care of himself,
he's a big strong boy.
- Fine, I heal Santa.
I think I'll do healing words
so I don't have to get
all up in the juices
with the hive Queen.
- Don't talk about the juices.
- Okay, so you're gonna bonus
action healing words, awesome.
- Do I just roll D4 plus
my spell casting modifier.
- Yes you do.
- This could be eight.
- What do you say to Santa?
- Santa, get your a*s up.
- He vomits a bunch of peppermint eggs.
you see yes Santa
because he's crawl to his feet.
That's your bonus action
you have movement and action left.
- I guess I'll move toward Ricky Metsui
just in case I know Ricky I boy
I know you could take
care of yourself but.
- And you have an action
so you could do a disengage
and not get attacks of opportunity.
- Great, I'll do a disengage
and not get attacks of opportunity.
- Kingston rushes back over to Ricky.
Then that's going to be Ricky.
- Okay,
I might I don't they're gonna go before
you get a chance to heal me.
So, I think I gotta heal myself first.
So, I'm gonna do cure wounds on myself.
- Cool.
- Damn, so my spell
casting ability modifier
is just one, right?
Okay, so anyway, so for four
- Glad I came back.
- This a true charisma?
- My charisma is three.
- Charisma is just forecasting.
- I'm at 10 now and then
I don't really have anything else to do
other than I guess I could try to move
forward towards the thing but they're
gonna get a hit on me right?
- Yeah, they would.
- Yeah, I think I probably
shouldn't get that way
so, I'm gonna try to move one,
two, three, four, all right
three, four, five, six.
- Cool, so two of them I got swings on.
- Okay.
So you're moving right here.
- Eighteen is my AC.
- Two swings on you, 18s the AC.
That's too misses baby.
Yeah, you rushed
you're so f*cking buff
these goopie Santa Clauses
just muscle your way through.
Then it's going to be.
This thing picks up Santa.
- No.
- Are those bodies?
- Oh, yeah they're bodies.
- Yeah, they are.
- Is that a pregnant woman?
- Comes over here.
- Trying to get the Dunkin Donuts.
It's in the DD perks.
- I'm gonna need
dexterity saves from Ricky
and from Misty.
- 13.
- 11.
- Who got a 13?
- I did.
- You did, okay.
- Is 13 the worst one.
- Unlucky 13.
- Misty you take 16 points of damage
and you take eight point damage.
- Alright I'm at 2.
- I'm at four.
- You see that Santa goes
just the coldest shards of tinsel
just tinsel vomit
lacerate and shred you guys
with this freezing cold energy.
And then the mutants go
One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight
- Am I gonna be down
- It's you two who can
bring people back right?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, I can heal people.
- You have heals too.
- I have a heal.
- I don't think I have any kind of heal.
- Hey, then don't kick a*s
dude, leave that to us.
- I know, I feel bad though,
I always play healers.
Heal yourself man.
Let other people heal you.
- Okay, Kingston what's your armor class?
- 18.
- You take five points of damage.
- Okay.
- From a slashing
one of the tentacles tackles rips at you.
- 21 minus 5.
- Kugrash what's your AC?
- 17.
I got a little shield.
- You take eight points of damage.
- What do you have?
- Ten and I have to roll
to maintain concentration
to keep my sphere.
Absolutely f*ck me.
I don't do it.
- Pete, what's your own class?
- Thirteen.
- You take four points of damage.
- Down to two.
- And then that's gonna be Misty and Ricky
that's a miss on Ricky
and a miss on Misty.
- Do I have two for concentration
he hit me for sixteen.
What is my that spell it's gone right?
- Verifier?
- Yeah.
- You could theoretically roll
is it it's a constitution saving throw.
- Okay.
- So, you should roll
a saving throw to see
Half damage is eight.
- Yeah, so no advantage
over him whatsoever.
- Damn, these saving
throws are f*cking us.
- That's going to be now
those were all the mutants that went
you see that Santa
- Come on Santa.
- Santa from within the
claws of that thing goes
"well I'm very very sorry
"you deserve better than this especially
"during this holiday season.
"But let's see what else I can do."
And you see that he reaches into his bag
which he's still got.
- Presents.
- Yay!
- He just gives us a PS4 and that's it.
- But it's a one D12 weapon.
- Ricky catches it but it still beaks.
- So he reaches in and
takes a little bit of snow
and goes every single one of
you gains eight hit points.
- Thank you Santa.
- We wish you a Merry Christmas.
It's crushing me.
- Oops! I did it wrong.
- Back up to 24.
- Waking up Santa was the right move.
That's gonna be Sophie.
- Okay, I would like to run,
jump up on this exposed rib
and use it to monkey bar myself
to uppercut him with my feet.
I wanna concuss this f*ck.
- One, two, three, four, five,
six, seven, eight, you make it there.
You got a speed of 40, right?
Cool, go ahead and roll your attacks.
- Okay, is 18 gonna hit.
- 18 hits.
- Okay, so that's for seven
then I'm going to hit him again.
Does 16 hit?
- 16 hits.
- For five then I'm gonna use
so it's seven five.
I'm gonna use a key point
for a flurry of blows
do I have to roll no I
do I have to roll again
- You have to roll and attack, yeah.
- Roll and attack, yeah okay.
First I'll roll for another five.
- Nice.
After flipping this f*cking
chrysalis into the sky
you guys see Sophie is fast.
Runs up, you flip
- Can we say I did like the gymnast thing
where I like do a circle
on the exposed rib.
- Like this off balance high
queen wobbles around and
you jump up and get in the ribcage
and you kick this m*therf*cker
right in his peppermint heart
and he vomits a bunch of
viscous half-formed presents
like weird organic like
bows and ribbons and sh*t
come out of his mouth.
Incredible.
Yeah, you are now deep
in this dude's ribcage.
You see that Santa looks to you and says
Sophie Bicicleta it's
wonderful to see you.
- Oh my god!
Was it really you who I used to go visit
at the Staten Island mall.
- No, that was an alcoholic vagrant.
I'm Santa Claus.
That man got a seasonal
job because it's a you know
that's sort of oh you can handle.
- I see, well he was really nice.
Make sure you give him a good present.
- I always do.
You are yeah you're
inside that giant Santa Claus.
That's gonna be Pete.
- f*ck! Oh, okay.
Someone's in front of me, right?
- They'll get a hit on
you if you move, right?
- Yeah don't really have
these level spells left
all I have is fire bolts.
- And I guess they explode still.
- Yeah.
- You've used your second
level spells, right?
- Yeah yeah yeah.
Cool, so wait can I do you
think sleep would affect
these people or?
- You could make a make
a arconic check to see.
- 14.
- The powers you've been drawing on
are starting to make
you feel a little bad.
You do feel like another
part of you sort of coming on
this thing something else
you can reach out to.
If you wanted to try and catch sleep
you definitely could.
- Cool, yeah.
- hell yeah!
You go ahead and cast
sleep so go ahead and roll
I think it's what its 5D8.
- Yeah.
- And that's how much,
who are you doing it on.
- What would make most sense.
- Probably the little guys
just to take them out.
- Okay, I've got 4D8.
Great, 12 and then 15.
- 15 altogether.
Hell yeah this you go
ahead this guy right here
you hit this area and this guy
goes to sleep as you
hit that group of them
you see that a different voice.
You suddenly see a flash of that little
gray faced child.
And you see the child says
and weird gray gritty city dust.
It looks like the kind of dust that kicks
off out of the weird gutters
and sidewalks that would then
like hit you in the eye
but also mixed with like
little pieces of diamond
and the glittering star
light appears in your hands
and escapes and hits that
guy in his weird oculus.
And he goes
And it's snoozing.
That's gonna be Misty.
- I turned to the big
boy and I say hey big boy
let's dance do it incredible
lead first like time step
with my beautiful silver shoes of titania
and I cast irresistible dance
on the big boy.
- Can't believe I'm getting
a free Misty Moore show.
- Darling with me everyday is a show.
My life is a show.
- So, you see that this
thing looks you goes
it has no legs but just sort of squirms
and it poops out a couple
half formed Santa clones.
That's now going to be.
- Before I do that sorry I am
I go to Sophie and I go hey kid
I like you you're great
and I give you budork inspiration.
- Oh my God! Oh my god!
My new friends are awesome.
- That's going to be Kagrush.
- Sweet, okay I'm gonna do
something a little risky here
cause I'm a f*cking rat.
And I'm gonna just take
hits from these guys
maybe to get up to here.
I wanna get in the
middle of my friends here
within a 30 foot aura.
- Dope, cool, go for it.
- Unless I get struck down.
I'm at 18 right now.
- One of them really clobbers.
- f*ck!
- For 14 points of damage.
But you do get to that spot.
- Okay, then I am going to I'm
a circle of Shepherd druid.
I'm going to call upon a
spirit totem of a unicorn.
Just my other ones are real shitty
but this one is an actual majestic unicorn
and everyone in 30 foot or
anytime I cast a healing spell
they get healed for my druid level.
So, they'll get healed for three.
Actually, you know what I can only catch
cured ones on myself
because I can't touch anybody else.
- You need to do that anyway.
- Oh, it's a bonus action.
They call it the spirit totem.
- You guys see this incredible
unicorn tears made of snow.
You guys recognize this
is the Enwood unicorn.
And then you can heal yourself.
- It's not for much.
I just healed myself for six.
- Kingston, it's gonna be your turn.
- We're at do this and
then Misty, Ricky, Kingston
you each get three.
- So, Pete you're at ten.
Pete's a ten and in the corner by himself.
- But the person in front of me is asleep
but still yeah
- I think I know this.
- This other guy fell asleep.
- Yeah you've got you still
have a guy next to you.
- You're still
- The guy I front of me isn't
the one who got attacked.
- You didn't roll high
enough to make that dude
who's it in front of you
who's uninjured go to sleep.
- f*ck!
- Kugrash you're at?
- I'm at ten.
- Ten.
- Ricky you're at?
- Thirteen.
- Thirteen.
And if I move out of
this this like trifecta
of dirty Santas I've found myself in
they'll all get attacks
of opportunity on me
unless I disengage.
- Correct.
- Okay.
- Lets all watch dirty Santas.
- So many Billy Bob Filners.
- I think I'm gonna disengage.
One, two, three, four, five.
Yeah, can I disengage from these three
move one two three like
over near the sleeping Santa
and then cast healing
word on Pete the Plug.
- Yes, you can.
- Great.
- Go ahead and roll that one D4.
- Oh, lovely.
That's nine.
- That's good.
- I forgot so roll first sleep.
- Go ahead and roll.
- Is that an artlin?
- For sleep.
- But maybe it'll be something good.
- Could be something good.
- Very exciting our
first wild magic surge.
- I'm trying to be honest
but I didn't wanna be that honest.
- You feel yourself as
you get healed by Kingston
your two types of magic interact again
of this again this like golden light
mixed with you're insane with rainbow
you get hit and all your
sorcery points are restored.
- The most insane uprise
you've ever been on.
You're f*cking cooking right now.
- f*ck yeah.
- Now, we're going to
that was Kingston, Ricky that is you.
- How f*cked up is this
big old bad Santa doing?
- Big old bad Santa is not looking great.
Big old bad Santa's gotta be like
dancing and sh*t.
- I think I'm gonna try to just
- Join me.
- Just run up and divine smite him.
- Do yo have any spells
let to divine smite with?
- It's my last one.
- Last one, cool.
- I've used two so far.
- Cool, one, two, three.
- You run up.
You see, yes Sophie's in
the ribcage kicking the sh*t
out of this things heart.
- Hey, just hang on Santa.
I'm coming to get you.
You're the opposite of Santa.
- Go ahead and take your attack.
- That is a 17.
- 17 hits.
- Cool and then for so I
add to D8 on top of the D8?
- Yeah.
- You get two D8.
Holy sh*t.
- So, fourteen.
sorry that was a seven and then a three
and then an eight.
- Whoa! Eighteen!
- So, seven three eight
and then plus seven.
- So, 14, 17 and 25.
- You guys see, you
rush up to go save Santa
you go you're the opposite
you leap up and fully
decapitate the entire thing.
You just leap straight up into the air.
You guys see that Ricky's ax
glows with this incredible
brilliant light and actually the blade
like elongates not the metal part but
the light cleaning off
it elongates to perfectly
and safely sever.
- Wait can I
can I safely catch Santa
so we can land together.
- Go and get me acrobatics check.
- Don't drop Santa.
- 24 baby.
- You land with Santa Clause
perfectly in your arms.
- You do so much for all of us
someone needs to look out for you.
- Well now it looks like I'm on your lap.
- Someone take a Polaroid
I'll put it on my fridge.
- I'll do the selfie.
- Incredible, you see
that the decapitated but
actually the head falls away
but the decapitated body
starts to dance up Broadway
and like spurt blood
and eventually collapses
over by the sparrows.
You see cool, the mutants
all sort of scream
and they're no longer
possessed with purpose
but they are violently lashing out still.
So, that is Ricky's turn.
Santa's there, Ricky's there.
These guys actually you're gonna run.
Misty you get an attack of
opportunity on that one.
- Great.
- I mean I'll use my umbrella
with a knife inside of it.
- Hell yeah! Go for it.
- To go for his little ribs.
No wait not 14.
- 14 hits.
- Great. That is four points of damage.
- Not bad.
- Dope! You see
I know it's just your reaction
so that's just for free.
These are gonna take some swings now.
Two of them are going for Ricky,
one of them hits you Ricky for
six points of damage.
I'm still at seven.
- Let's see six of these guys.
Cool, one's gonna take a
swing at you Pete, misses.
Three of them are gonna
take swings on Kingston.
Actually, two of them take
swings on Kingston, miss.
I'm gonna need you to roll
a dexterity saving through.
- Not 1.
- You take five points of frost damage.
It's one of them belches peppermint at you
Two takes, One takes a
swing at Kugrash, misses.
- Can you dex save.
- Wait, Kug is down?
- No I'm in dex save.
- Oh! Dex save.
- But I'm a proficient.
Oh, no I'm not proficient.
Just nine.
- Eight points a cold damage.
- f*ck I'm so hurt.
I'm at two.
- Down in 20.
- Okay.
- Down to 20.
- Yes, these seems like clobbering,
encasing the slashing you with tentacles.
You see that Santa looks at
these clones as he's like
sort of sitting in your lap
and you see that he looks at
these two right around Ricky.
And you see he says, this he sees the
Bloods coming from his head.
He has like incisions in his stomach
and his coat's torn
where something with laid eggs in him.
And you see he goes, "well,
this simply won't do at all.
"You too good in the bag."
And opens the bag up.
You see that these two Santa's
are sucked into his bag and are just gone.
So he says, "Some things
are better left in the bag."
- That's gonna be, Sophie.
- Okay, I'm gonna gently place Santa down
and then I want to I wanna run.
Actually, maybe I'll keep
hi in my arms as I run.
I carry, I wanna shove
myself in between Kug
and these two guys.
- Okay.
- can I do that?
- Yeah, you can actually
make like a shove attack
if you wanna make an
opposed athletics with one.
- Hey, I'm walking here.
- Yeah, well would that be
like I can't do like a
regular attack on them
then if I do that.
- You have plenty of attacks.
So, you can make one of
your attacks in athletics
to push them away and then
take your other attacks.
- Okay, cool so I'm making
athletics to push them away.
You got a beat a 14.
- I got a 14 and then
I'm adding six to it.
So, twenty.
- Yeah, you just roundhouse this guy
and knock him back
five meet you get in between Kugrash.
You're still holding Santa.
Santa goes like, " Yes, you
are a gifted martial artist."
- Well, you know cardio
kickboxing has its benefits.
More than just for the nice glutes.
- She needs shoes.
She's got shoes, she's got bags.
- And then I'll run attack
the one that I didn't.
- Go for it.
- Okay.
Okay, ten is gonna hit, you said?
- Ten does not.
- And then do I still
get my bonus action to
when my like unarmed or when
am I hit or I used that.
- No, I think you used that.
- All right.
- But you got a guy away from Kugrash.
That's gonna be Pete.
- Cool, with wild magic surge
did you want me to roll like the D
- I actually rolled that over here.
- Oh! Cool, cool.
Okay, great.
Okay, I
I don't know, I could do
Yeah, yeah, true.
Okay, yeah I'm gonna do.
- It sucks that they blow
up when you k*ll them.
- Yeah, fully.
Man, I don't know.
I guess I'll cast sleep some more
and try to like effect more people.
- Yeah, there's some injured ones around.
Yeah, for sure.
Go ahead you cast sleep again.
Go for it, roll 5 D8.
- Cool and then
I can can I do use those sorcery points
to add more to the sleep thing
or do you think that's.
- You can you can do the sorcery points.
Well, what I would say actually also
is that you know these guys
are hurt by fire a lot.
So, firebolt's not a bad idea either.
If you just wanna just
want to keep using it.
- Or scorching ray.
- Scorching ray's out
cause I already used
my second level spell.
- but you could use your socery points
to turn them into a spell.
- Exactly.
Hey, you know what we got there.
I use sorcery oh no sorry.
I use two.
- You actually use all
three of your sorcery points
be able to do that.
- Okay, cool, yeah.
Then I'm gonna do scorching ray.
I can do.
- Three attacks with that.
- Yeah, okay, so for the first one 16.
Next one 13 with 6 is 19.
f*ck yeah 17.
- All of them hit.
Roll to D6 and let me know
which ones your attacking.
- Okay, there's one right
in front of me, right.
- Yeah.
- Get him for six.
- Not down but badly badly injured.
Okay, so no.
Probably another one.
- Another one will do it. Yeah.
- Whatever, 8.
- That'll do it.
- And then the final one
I'll aim it this one.
- Go for it.
- Come on two sixes, come on.
- 8, you see badly badly injured
that one by Kingston.
You pull on this like
weird nightmarish thing
you see it again
your arm like opens up
into tatters for fire
to like come out of the center of you
blasting out of your arm.
Dude, sh*t.
That's going to now be Misty.
- I'm gonna 10 I'm gonna come over here
and cast cure wounds on kugrash.
- Thank you so much.
- Sorry, that doesn't do it.
Yes, she do it
- So, that's at nine points
and then I try to find something on you
that I can compliment
and I'm just like you.
You seem very nice.
- Kugrash, after that lovely compliment
that's gonna be your turn.
- Awesome.
Okay, I wanna do.
I wanna hit as many guys as possible.
So, I might take an
opportunity attack here
from this one guy.
So, I want to do thunder wave
which is a cube or Jade
or originating from me,
so I need to get away if I
don't wanna hit my friend
so I'm gonna take a hit from this guy.
So, one, two, three
I'll move over here.
- Cool.
- A four, I wanna try to I want to hit
these three guys.
- Dope, awesome.
- So, they make dex saves.
- Rad, the one guy misses you.
I think thunder wave,
my understanding is that
the cube is a 15-foot
cube originating from you
meaning you're in the center, right?
Or is it?
- Yeah.
- Well, would that be that
would be a 5-foot radius.
So, this is so can you put
the cube wherever you want.
- I think it's for me.
- It's or himself.
- So, I think it only
affects in five to you.
- Okay, so then I'll just go back here
and get these two.
- Cool.
Awesome, go ahead and roll your damage.
- Sweet, eight.
- You see that the one
that was injured by Pete
is blown away.
This guy is fully knocked.
What direction do want
this guy to go flying in?
- Ten feet, let's send him that way.
- Send them my way.
- Blown back, Pete's is gone.
- I light up a dirty puddle.
It smells like sh*t,
just sizzling f*cking
- And we can tell you like it.
- You wanna know how it
smells, you're curious.
- Kingston, it's gonna be you?
- Cool, I mean we seem
to just be chilling.
Everyone seems to be doing fine.
So I'll, hell, let me
get in on this action.
I'll sacred flame the dude
who seems to be almost dead.
- Go for it man.
Go ahead and roll your attack roll.
- I think you just make a
dexterity saving throw for them.
- Yeah, sacred flame.
- They succeed or they take one D8.
- He fails.
- Hell yes! Great!
With joy, a seven.
- Yeah, you miss occasion turn around
you raise your hand your
eyes glow brilliant white
and a boom,
burst of like
again it's an it it's hard to tell
if it's moving like air or fire
but this brilliant thing goes
and they say the Santa Claus goes.
Rad, that's going to be Ricky.
- How hurt, I guess I should just
k*ll the one next to you, right?
I'm just gonna run up to
the one next to Kingston
and just attack it.
- Hell yeah!
Go ahead and roll a roll attack.
- Only got a 11.
- 11 actually hits.
- That's a 12.
- Hell yeah.
- It's the brittle kinda again.
- Yes.
- Do certain ones hurt us
when they explode or not?
- Yes some of them
some of them hurt you when they explode.
- Good thing we picked up on that now.
- Cool, that one is not down yet
but you thud your ax into the side of it.
That's going to be this guy now.
You see this dude opens
up for peppermint breath
on a dex saves from Sophie and Misty
- I got a in nineteen.
- I got an 11.
Does that save or do I
need o find that out.
I'm gonna use my Bartok inspiration.
- Go for it.
- Oh! You make it!
You take two cold damage.
Misty Moore's right behind you.
What could go wrong.
That's a real celebrity.
- How many points of damage was that.
- Two.
- Okay, great, so I'm on 13.
- One of them takes a swing at Sophie
misses like crazy.
It's gonna take another swing at Ricky
and this is Ricky.
These guys are down for the count.
You see Santa looks at
the two next to you Sophie
once again you see he says,
"my, what impressive people."
And then he looks again these two and goes
"back where you came from, the bag".
They disappear into the bag.
That's going to be
and then Sophie that's you.
- All right, only one guy left, right
- That's right.
- All right, I'm going at them.
- You put down Santa yet?
- Nope, me and Santa are going.
Actually, can I take and go
Santa first with the bag
and we just try and
trap them with the bag.
- Absolutely, go ahead.
- So I say Santa, go and get the bag out.
- Go ahead and make an
opposed acrobatics check.
You've gotta beat a 17.
- I did.
- You see that you just
Hulk Santa into the air
and he goes
That one is fully gone.
And Times Square has been
cleared of mutant Santa clones.
- Just a bunch of dead people now.
- Just a bunch of dead people
who have been fully fully k*lled.
You see that Santa looks over at you guys
and says " well, what
the f*ck happened here?"
- Someone laid eggs in you.
- Yeah.
- You look and see a bunch
he's holding kind of see-through gel eggs
that have a bunch of little tadpoles
with Santa hats on them.
This is very bad, very very bad.
- Who did this to you?
Do you know?
- I don't remember much.
We were accosted by well I you know I
had to come here to deposit to my clones.
Not all of them mostly
again the vast 99.9%
of the clones turned out fine
but the defective ones
had to be brought here
to be deposited within the
sphere of the umbral Arcana.
So, that it would not raise suspicion and
I landed the sleigh near
Belvidere Castle in the park
and before I knew it something happened
some of the clones that I
was pouring out of the bag.
They acted up.
Normally, the clones are very,
they'll vandalize things
or they'll explode
or other things like that
but they're not generally this harmful.
I don't know what's happened this time.
Something knock me unconscious.
Something attacked me in the sleigh.
Where's my sleigh?
- It's still in the park.
- Covered in some fancy script.
- He sort of look a this,
"well, this this is very strange indeed.
"I need to go to my sleigh at once.
By the way hello I am Santa Claus."
- Good to see you again Santa.
- Hi Santa.
- Big fan, big fan of your work.
- What kind of bag is that?
- It's a magic bag
bigger on the inside than the out
and it contains many things
which not see the light of day.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Hello young man, and what is your name?
- Jeffrey.
- Jeffrey, Jeffrey, Jeffrey.
I don't think that's true.
- I should probably get
outta here you guys.
I panicked man.
You never say your real name.
- So, all of you guys here in Times Square
you look around there are dead bodies,
peppermint blood everywhere.
The horrifying Santa's k*lled.
there still that one sleeping mutant Santa
and this twitching carapace
you know larval body
of the Santa clone queen.
Santa looks around at you guys and says,
"something very strange is happening here.
"But then again it's New York City,
"I wouldn't expect anything less.
"Greatest city in the world."
- You're hilarious Santa.
- This guy gets me.
How you doing Kugrash.
- Good to see you.
- Kugrash, wonderful.
Huge fan of your work.
- Huge fan of your work.
- What you do is incredible.
- Are you kidding?
What you has changed lives.
- Can I ask you a question?
- Yeah.
- Have you ever considered
doing a Christmas album?
I don't want to push the idea.
- You know I've really
been thinking about it
because you know between you and me
they sell like wild fire.
I'm very Misty Christmas.
I'm I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna do it.
- I would buy that so fast.
I'm sick of my Josh Groban one.
- You know, I do love Josh.
He's a good sweet boy.
- I know, but I've listened
to it so many times.
- I get it.
- I understand.
Kingston.
- Good to see you Santa.
You have to come by.
I need to take those eggs out of you.
- Oh, I am filled with eggs.
But you come by whenever you get a chance.
- I should get up to the sleigh
but maybe after the sleigh
we'll head over to the hospital
and I do appreciate it.
I also have a weird it's not a mole
but it's basically, just I don't know.
- I'll take a look at it.
- Oh, there's another egg.
- It's just a big brown egg.
- Can I have an egg?
- Santa don't give this boy an egg.
- I just want to see the egg.
- You don't need an egg.
- You've been a very good
and he reaches into the sack
and pulls out a beautiful
little like Christmassy
nutcracker faberge egg.
That's for you.
- Cool, fancy egg.
- A very fancy egg for a very
- Thank you.
- Not fancy boy.
Ricky.
- Hi, Santa.
- We haven't met before
but you don't seem that
fazed that I'm here.
- Yeah, it just seems fine.
You're told when you're a child
Santa's you know coming so.
I've just known about you for a long time.
- Has there not been a
has there not been a dip
for you as an adult
where there was a period of time
where you thought I I am real.
But are you saying that you haven't had
any time where you
didn't think I was real.
- No, I pretty much I've
always believed in you.
It would be crazy if you weren't real
because you're such a good person.
- You see, he look at you and says,
"Sophie, you are welcome at the North Pole
"anytime you'd like to come."
- I love to travel, I'll be up absolutely.
- Now, I know how I
can find out your name.
Let's head up to, you would you mind
showing me to where my sleigh is.
- Yeah, absolutely.
- Very well, here we go
and you guys are whisked
away on snowy wind.
Santa goes, "I could also
change all of your size
"as well, you know for
chimneys and the like
"but also for fun"
- Maybe even smaller.
- I'll make you so so small.
You guys all shrink.
- Do you just do it on my waist you know.
- I can't spot it like
that but that'd be nice
you know if Santa's got a
little bit of a gut here too.
- Hey, you know, you lived in.
- Honestly, Mrs. Claus likes it.
- I'm not surprised.
- You guys are so tiny.
The Giants snowflakes are
like these skyscraper size
structures around you.
"Yes, Christmas magic! h*! h*! h*!"
You guys arrive in Central Park.
You see that the sleigh is still there.
There are now a lot of cops around here.
It's been like cordoned
off as like a crime scene.
You see again this like
whispy shadow fire stuff
over the sleigh as a bunch of
humans are kind of like looking at it.
And you see that one of the
cops looking at it says,
"g*dd*mn looks like
somebody took their Camry
"and drove it all the way through the park
"and crashed it the over
here into this tree.
"These crazy drunk drivers man, it's nuts.
"Car like this, I amazed
they got this far."
And you see that all the
cops looking at the sleigh
appear to be seeing a Toyota Camry.
- Kug what I have seen a
Toyota Camry in the past.
- Yeah, have you seen it, before you
- Like the cops,
like I think she started
hanging out with you
I've been seeing a lot of crazy sh*t.
I thought you weren't real
and then all you introduced
me to all your friends
and I've been seeing crazy sh*t.
So, I'm saying was I on the other side?
- Yeah, you you would've seen this
as a Toyota Camry a couple
days ago I would think,
when you weren't drunk.
- I think I'd go up to Santa and say,
thanks so much for all your help.
I can't be around this many cops though.
And I go to shake your hand
but I press like a bag of
cocaine into your hand.
- What? A little bit of magic snow.
- You know you got to
stay up all night so.
- This is cocaine.
- Mm-hmm.
- I can't take this.
- No, no, no hey it's free.
It is on credit but it's free.
So, next time you see me then
maybe you can get me back.
- Well, I appreciate the offer but I'm a
spirit for children and
I shouldn't have cocaine.
- So, want what 2 CB?
I got stuff that makes
you up but you get it.
- Pete, your soul was in jeopardy.
- What?
- I am not going to lie.
I need to find something.
See that Santa moves he sees it
just turns into a little whirlwind of snow
moves past the cops.
You guys see that there
is one police officer
that recognizes you guys
and starts to walk over to you.
There's only a group of people
kind of like gathered around.
It's like onlookers and people like that.
Pete and Sophie you guys are looking
at like a Central Park
horse cop for a second
and then that shadowy stuff kind of
peels off and a full sentor.
She walks up to you she's
got like the cop uniform
and like the helmet.
Stern, strong looking
face walks up and says
Nurse Browne good to see you.
- Epona good to see you.
- Yeah, how's it going?
You guys know anything about this?
We think Pixies.
- Who's this kid?
- That's Jeffrey.
- Hey, Jeff you wanna say hi to my horse.
- I do love horses actually yeah.
- Make a deception
check for me real quick.
- Okay.
Oh a lot 19.
- Oh 19 yeah she kind of narrows
her eyes and looks at you
looks back at the rest of you
sort of pipes down and says,
any idea what happened here?
- You know Santa was knocked out.
I saw some pixie stuff around here.
- But it was weird pixie stuff.
I think that maybe it was somebody
trying to cover up and make
it look like it was pixies
because underneath it with infernal.
- Infernal, you're not kidding.
You guys have any more of
this sort of evidence anywhere
or anything we could take a look at.
- Didn't you bite the glyph
off the glove the glove box.
- Yeah, I got that.
- I mean aren't some of
us like covered in goo.
- Yeah, you guys covered in goo.
- You could just kinda
take a cotton swab to me.
- She nods, here's a little forensics kit.
Swabs you guys.
Looks at the glyph and says.
All right I'm gonna
enter this into evidence.
All right with you?
Takes the glyph
you see that she looks over at Santa
coming back from the sleigh.
See that she's sort of you know
salutes to Santa's he approaches
he comes back and says,
"it's gone, it's gone."
- What's gone santa?
- My list.
My list.
- Like your good and bad list.
- Sounds like someone's
been very naughty indeed.
- It's it was in the
glove box of the sleigh.
That's right.
- Can you just make a new list?
- Yeah is it really that important, I mean
- You how much work goes
into making that list.
- It's a f*cking magic list.
- So, presumably if someone
had access to that list.
They would know who the bad people were
thus the corruptible souls.
- My goodness! Oh, dear!
They would indeed know
the corruptible souls.
- Do you know who was on the bad list?
- Am I on the bad list.
- Ricky, no.
You are not on the bad list.
- Santa, what are we talking about man.
Like are you what like what could
somebody do, how powerful is this list?
- It's extremely important that we find
this list and get it back.
- Have you thought about
maybe just for the future
as one old fellow to another
you digitized the list
put some kind of.
- I'm not digitizing
- You could put the list on the cloud.
- My cousins helped me do it
and it was I've been very thankful since.
- I need to get back to the North Pole
this is quite bad.
So, the naughty and nice list
was something that we work very hard on
at the North Pole.
And it's actually so
well done and well kept
that about I was reached out
to by some other entities
to sort of use the list,
not the physical list
which is very important
that I have on me but.
Well, you know basically
St. Peter reached out to me
and said that it was crazy
for him to keep his book
and me to keep the list at the same time
and that it would be better to just
sort of consolidate that effort
and I got reached out to by him
well you know all
downstairs fellow as well.
So, Heaven and Hell have kind
of been using my list for
- Santa, are you Cambridge analytica?
- Oppressioned commentary.
Yes, I am that.
- That's bad, seems like me could just
keep their own lists.
- You would think that wouldn't you?
- Yeah.
- Wait, so they already had it?
- No, no I mean Heaven and Hell
have been using my list for
their bookkeeping purposes as well.
Cause we were basically, we were making
a bunch of versions of the same list.
Hell has to keep a record
of everyone's good and bad
and heaven has to keep a record
of everyone's good and bad.
- You're saying this that someone could
maybe use that to get out of Hell
or something like that?
All right, like if you
didn't have the list.
- I should go, I should
really get out of here.
Can we go to the hospital.
- Sure.
- Okay, well.
- Does that list have the kind of power
that if you wrote someone's name
that it could change?
You could change their status?
- I don't think just anybody could write
on that list.
- Say a powerful magic user.
The type that could take down Santa
and destroy his sleigh
and scatter his reindeer
to the wind I guess.
- I need Pete to that very
last spell that you cast.
I need you to roll wild magic
surge for me real quick.
- Five.
- Five, good nothing happens.
You feel a welling up of
magical energy as all this.
Your world was normal yesterday
or as normal as your life ever got
and you feel swelling up
and suddenly that little gray child's face
appears in your vision again says,
"the words of Lazarus"
and disappears.
Well,
suffice it to say this is very bad.
I have much work.
I'm already behind schedule.
I've been here longer than I should have.
Kingston we can go to
the hospital if you want
or if there is work that needs to be done
at the North Pole that
I should get back for.
So he goes and does this loud whistle
and you see that a bunch of
the flying reindeer come back
and you see that land in the park.
He begins like hitch them
back up to the sleigh
and looks over at you guys and says
I need to go back to the North Pole
and tell people what has happened.
- Yeah, again man.
Maybe just get a phone.
- Misty, what's a dry wit.
I could do that.
- Get with the times.
- You know I just like the
aesthetic of the analog stuff.
It just feels more in keeping with the.
- Who knew Santa was such
a hipster, am I right.
- Who want's to go to the North Pole
and see a bunch of elves
with iPads, you know.
Not I.
- Who's going to the North Poles?
- Nobody.
- I thought I was invited?
- Oh, Sophie, you are invited.
Yes, yes, yes.
- I probably maybe maybe April break.
- Great, April's not a busy time for us.
- Yeah.
- The elves of course busy
but I'm sure you know
me and the deer only work
one day out of the year.
All right, you've all been wonderful.
Happy holidays, I wish you all the best.
If you hear anything about that list
the fate of the world may depend on it
but it might be you I don't know.
I don't really know but
I'm going to figure it out.
Take care.
You sure don't wanna tell me your name.
- Yeah, my name's Pete.
I will say that there
has been this dark force
inviting me
and I think I
I think it said to me, I leave today.
This morning.
- That's sounds like something
you all should check out.
Farewell.
You see that a bunch
of the human cops look
as this weird you think of like shadow
treads up to the sleigh.
They all look as the
sleigh just disappears
and they all stare at it for a long time
and they all go,
" yep, I guess that tow truck
"just got the Camry off to the
"impound good, good, good, good."
And they'll start to walk away.
- So embarrassing I
used to live like that.
- Epona looks at you guys and says,
"you, any of you all
need a hand with anything
"or are you all right?"
- You got a bottle opener?
- Bottle opener, I don't
have a bottle opener.
- It's fine I'll use my teeth.
We're magic, how about that a magic aura
hides my hard lemonade and I open it
with my teeth.
- Okay, I'm a have to give
you a ticket for that.
- Really?
- Open container in Central Park.
I might be a sentor but
sometimes rules are rules.
- All right, I'll take the ticket.
- What are you doing?
- And that's where this episode
of the Unsleeping City.
Tune in next week, we'll
see you guys there.
This is a very special
moment in the history
of the Unsleeping City.
- Mario what the f*ck are you doing here?
- Sophie what the f*ck are you doing here?
- Running up in a Mafia's wedding
is not a good way to get answers.
A way to get the sh*t kicked out of you.
Do not take it lightly that
a wizard is in your debt.
- I feel sad.
- Somebody's going home.
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03x02 - Mutant Santa Melee
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A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.
A tabletop role-playing game show produced by and broadcast on Dropout and created and generally hosted by Brennan Lee Mulligan as the show's regular Dungeon Master.