02x12 - Chapter 12: The Replacement

[bunniefuu]

Night, Mom.

You ready to turn in?

I think so.

It's been another long, eye
-opening,

somewhat harrowing day

and I enjoyed it very much.

[yawns]

Good night, Alfur.

[Alfur] Good night, Hilda.

[lively music]

[meowing]

[yawns, gasps]

[Alfur] This is very odd.

[yawns]

[Alfur clears throat]

[yawns]

Morning, Alfur.

Whoa!


- Who are you?


- Yes, who are you?

Ah. Alfur, you're awake.

A pleasure to meet you.

I'm Alvin.

Your replacement.

[birds chirping]

[theme music]

Hilda ♪

My replacement?

I am not being replaced!

[scoffs]

You've been replaced.

This can't be right.

[clears throat]

"Effective immediately.

You are hereby relieved

of your post as Trolberg Correspondent.

A special elven delegation

will arrive at noon today

to escort you back

to the Northern Counties."

But how can they…

[inhales, exhales]


- [gasps]


- [thuds]

You'll see I already took

the liberty of packing your belongings.

And moving in your own ones I see.

Did you know you had an animal in here?

Hey, that's a nitten.

And her name is Peppercorn.

[Hilda] Why on earth

does Alfur need to be replaced?

It has come to the attention

of the Prime Minister and his Cabinet

that your Trolberg reports are full

of embellishments and exaggerations.

In fact, there's a strong suspicion

that you occasionally go

so far as to make things up.

[gasps]

Never!

Do you really expect us to believe

some of the crazy claims

you've made in your reports?

[Hilda] Crazy claims?

I mean, it's hard to know where to begin

but according to Alfur, he has…

participated in smuggling

a troll rock out of a school for humans,

chased down the footnotes to the footnotes

of an ancient soul
-stealing spell,

and negotiated

with a fire
-breathing dragon

for the release of a contract.

[scoffs]

While these wild tales

may please your dedicated fan base…

[Alfur, Hilda] "Dedicated fan base"?

Dreadful as they are,

Alfur's reports are the most requested

from the official archive.


- I had no idea.


- [Hilda] Well done, Alfur.

Yes, well, all elven reports must adhere

to a strict standard of accuracy,

regardless of popularity.

[Hilda] But all those things

you mentioned really happened.

I should know, I was there.

That's it.

We'll file an eyewitness

confirmation form!

[Alvin] No. I'm afraid she doesn't qualify

as a reliable eyewitness.

[Hilda] I'm completely reliable.

And, in any case, please note

that a hold has been placed

on any additional paperwork

that you may wish to file in this matter.

[meows]

[somber music]

You mean,

I've reached the end of the paper trail?

I'm afraid so.

This is totally unfair.

I won't stand for it!

Phew. Perhaps I need to draw up

a No Drama Agreement?

I don't believe that will be necessary.

I will be ready by noon… as required.

Alfur, you can't just leave.

[sighs]

Have you ever heard the saying,

"Desperation begins

where the paper trail ends"?

No.

Well, it's a common saying

among my people.

There's nothing to be done, Hilda.

But you don't just work here,

you have a life here.

You're my friend.

After all we've been through, you're…

you're like family to me.

[chuckles]

[gasps]

What if we find a way

to trick the delegation

into going back home without you?

Hmm. I believe your people have a saying,

"Desperate times

call for desperate measures."

I'm going to take that as a yes?

I thought that was obvious.

[tense music]

Ooh.

[snorting]

Was Agnes really the only option?

She volunteered.

Uh, and when Agnes volunteers,

there's no refusing her.

[spits]

She'll do fine.

No spitting at the delegation though.

Now, look sharp.

Here they come.

[tense music]

[Alvin panting, grunting]

[thuds]

[Alvin] Hilda, Alfur, and, locals,

may I present the Delegation

for the Return of Wayward Elves.

I am Aloysius, head of the delegation.

This is Rupert, Gertrude, Ulrik,

and our keeper of the notes Adeline.

Hi.

I am Bartell, leader of The Lost Clan

and acting representative

of elf
-kind in Trolberg.

And this is Alfur.

Always has been, always will be.

Honor to meet you, Alfur, sir.

I'm a big, big fan of your work.

Your reports make Trolberg

sound so magical.


- Mm.


- [grunts]


- [gasps]


- Well, we're all feeling rather emotional

and goodbyes are hard

so let's make this quick.

Bye, Alfur! Safe travels, everyone!

Hold on. There's paperwork

that we must attend to before we depart.

[growling]

Easy. Easy.

You must hereby surrender

your passport immediately.

[growling, grunts]


- Ooh…


- [grunts]

Alfur, what is the meaning of this?

[screams]


- [growls]


- [all screaming]

Agnes never surrenders.

Looks like we'll have

to settle this with combat!

[all screaming]


- [grunting]


- [whimpers]

Agnes, Bartell, stand down!

[groans]

Please, I insist, no combat!

What is the meaning of this?

Alfur, wait!

[birds cawing]

Hmm?

It's me! Alfur!

[all gasp]

[groans]

Thank you

for your support, Agnes, Bartell.

But I think it's best you leave now.

Alfur, are you sure?

Yes, I'm sure.

[chattering]

[spits]

Oh. The spitting elf from the reports.

I really rather hoped you'd made her up.

No, she is the real Agnes.

And I am the real Alfur,

the one you've come for.

If it pleases the delegation…

Oh, we are far from pleased.

Surrender your passport at once, sir.

[sighs]

Of course.

[somber music]

What?

But you'll have to catch me first!

Don't let him escape!

[grunts, panting]

[all yell]

Go, Alfur!

[Alfur panting]

[groans]

[grunts, panting]

[groans]

[grunts]

He's in the lettuce!

Search the leaves, every last one!

That scoundrel

is hiding in here somewhere!

Ha! Something's out to get my lettuce!

[sniffing, groans]

This way!

Alfur!

I'm sorry we have to meet

under these circumstances

because I really enjoy reading your…

Uh
-uh
-uh! Stop where you are!

Oh, dear!

[all gasp]

[screaming]

[groaning]

Twig!

[Alfur screaming]

[indistinct chatter]

[Alfur screaming]

[groaning, grunts]

You can't hide in the potatoes forever!

Hey, who said that?

Oh! My potatoes!

[Alfur] Oh, sorry!

[groaning]

Hey!

[grunts]

[panting]

[groaning]

[grunting]

He's over there!

[tense music]

Aha! He's going into the lighthouse!

[grunting]

[groaning]

[grunts]

[sighs]

We're coming for you!

Spirits! They're coming for us!

And our produce!

Alfur!

Hilda!

Jump! I've got you!

Jump? Are you insane?

[grunts, screaming]

[Alfur grunts]

[grunts, panting]

Oh!

[screaming]

[grunts]

Got you! See?

There they are!

[panting]

[rumbling]

[clear throats]

Gerda Gustav,

Assistant Deputy of Safety Patrol

is at your service!


- Hey, that's great!


- Lock them up!

Whoa!

You may return to your business.

I have the situation under control.

Um, Deputy Gerda, what are you planning

to do with that lighthouse?

Take it back

to Safety Patrol Headquarters,

conduct a thorough investigation…

[all screaming]

…and then determine

the appropriate course of action.

This is unprecedented.

We've got to save them!

Right. Let's see.

[clear throats]

We need to convene a council,

draw up a detailed plan,

sign off on the detailed plan, and then…

[Hilda] Are you crazy?

We don't have time for all that.

Alfur and I will figure something out.

To the Safety Patrol Headquarters!

[grunting]

Oh, dear, there's no way out of this box!

Adeline! What are you doing?

Making notes for our report.

We're on a genuine Trolberg adventure.

I can barely keep up!

[Hilda] See anything?

They're not in here. Next window, please.

This is taking far too long!

Do you have a better idea?

Actually, I…

No.

[Hilda] Going up.

[Alfur, Alvin] There they are!

What's happening?

It's Deputy Gerda.

[gasps]


- [gasping]


- Hide!

Okay, full disclosure.

I've never interrogated spirits before

so bear with me.

[clear throats]

To begin, what type of spirits are you?

This woman is a loose cannon.

She thinks we're spirits.

To be fair, she can't see us.

Are you still there?

What if they escaped?


- Hello!


- [all screaming]

Aha!

Reveal yourselves!

Speak, mysterious spirits, speak!

Hm.

There must be some kind of protocol

for getting spirits to talk.

I'll be back shortly.

[Alfur sighs]

She's gone.

Now's our chance.

[grunts]


- [grunting]


- [groaning]

Come on, if you want to help me.

Help you do what?

Get down, she's coming back!

Not you, you're invisible!

According to this old

Trolberg Official Handbook of Spirits,

a surefire way to get spirits talking

is to submerge them in water.

So, I'm going to give it a try.


- We're going to drown!


- [thumping]

Look, it's Alfur and Alvin!

Oh. They're all doomed.

Perhaps not. I have a crazy idea.

Why am I not surprised?

[all gasp, screaming]

[screams]

[yelling]

[clears throat]

Deputy Gerda!

[screaming]

[gasps]

Who said that?

I am Deputy Alfur

of the Spirit Safety Patrol.

I apologize for the ill*gal

and unlicensed behavior

of these rogue spirits.

[spluttering]

What ill*gal and unlicensed behavior?

[Alfur] Well, haunting a produce stand

without a license for one thing,

and disturbing the peace

without a permit for another.

Not to mention

the misuse of a commercial sign

for residential purposes.

Would you like to add anything,

Deputy Gerda?

No, no, that's a very thorough

breakdown of the offenses.

Why thank you.

Offenses?

Yes! But thanks to the good work

of Deputy Gerda,

you've been caught

and can now be released into my custody.

Um. Released to your custody?

I don't know if I can do that…

Oh, well, you absolutely should not do it

without the proper paperwork.

You'll need an Official

Transfer of Custody.

Please sign and initial.

It's so tiny.

My apologies.

We have, um…

storage issues in the spirit world

so we've had to miniaturize.

Do you have access to a magnifying glass?

It's standard
-issue

for conducting investigations.

Indeed.

"Whereas… in violation of…

shall be remanded into custody…"

This looks to be in order, I must say.

A fellow safety professional

such as yourself knows the drill!

Do you ever feel as if you're surrounded

by people who just don't get it?

All the time,

but it's part of the job, I guess.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I appreciate

your positive attitude, I must say.

If you could sign this copy for my records

while you keep the original.

Certainly.

Thank you.

Thank you.

And now if you'll be so kind

as to open the holding box.

Right away.

[light music]

[light music continues]

It's been a pleasure working with you

to resolve this matter, Deputy.

Likewise, Deputy. Shall I get the door?

Oh, that won't be necessary.

We spirits prefer

to pass through the walls.

But I'll close the window

as a sign of our departure.

Farewell!

[spits]

[thuds]

[gasps]

Amazing.

Alfur, that was brilliant!

The important thing is it worked.

Let's get out of here, shall we?

[sighs]

I must say that this experience has been…

Exciting?

Unnerving.

I'm not sure anyone will believe it.

Don't worry,

I've got it all down in my notes.

[Aloysius] I'm sure you have.

Alfur, your actions today

have not gone unnoted by this delegation.

However… Um…

I know. I still have to go.

Oh, Alfur.

[Alvin] Hold on! Hold on! Hold on!

In light of our recent adventures…

[groans, thuds]

[clear throats]

In light of our recent adventures,

and your impressive ability

to deal with the unique challenges

of living in this city,

I cannot, in good conscience,

remove you from your post

as our Trolberg Correspondent.

[gasps]

[all] Huh?

[Alvin] Furthermore, this delegation

will inform the Prime Minister that,

based on observation and analysis,

your reports,

as far
-fetched as they may seem,

are undoubtedly true and accurate.

An eyewitness confirmation form?

So, I can stay?

[scoffs]

You must stay.

Yes! [chuckles]

[chuckles] I don't know what to say.

We shall return to the Northern Counties,

effective immediately.

Keep up the good work, Alfur.

I'm not sure

which has been more thrilling,

meeting you or getting to

make notes about meeting you.

About those notes…

I'll have to file a report

on your visit, of course,

and I'm wondering if you'd be willing

to co
-author it with me?

Are you serious?

Yes, of course, it would be an honor!

[giggles]

[Alvin] Goodbye, Alfur.

Meeting you hasn't exactly been a pleasure

but it has been…

Unprecedented?

Hmm. Quite.

Bye!

[Alfur] Farewell!

[Hilda] Come on, Alfur. Let's go home.

[light music]


- [yawns]


- [meows]

Night
-night, Peppercorn.

[meows]

[closing theme music]