(bright music)
(energetic guitar music)
(energetic guitar music continues)
(energetic guitar music continues)
(bikes whooshing)
(energetic guitar music continues)
(energetic guitar music continues)
(biker gasps)
(biker shouts)
- You okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
(biker laughs)
- He looks not okay.
(gentle music)
- [Biker] Do you think
anyone ever rides down there?
- I reckon we got
mountain bikes for a reason.
(fence clatters)
(intense music)
(intense music continues)
(bikes rattle)
(eerie music)
(door rattles)
(door squeaks)
(eerie music)
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(intense music)
(intense music continues)
- Come on, ready?
(door clanks and squeaks)
(intense music continues)
(footsteps thumping)
(intense music continues)
- [Biker] Hey.
(metal clatters)
- Wait, what about where
it says hazardous materials?
- Dude, hazardous
materials is definitely code
for this is where we keep
all the old machine g*ns.
- Come on, give us a hand.
- One, two!
(door rattles)
(dramatic music)
(growling echoes faintly)
(door rattling)
(dramatic music continues)
(zombie growling)
(intense music)
(biker screams)
(biker screams)
(intense music continues)
(biker whimpering)
(biker screams)
(energetic guitar music)
(energetic music continues)
(energetic music continues)
The wind and the waves push
some luck in my direction
- Ah.
You're getting closer. I
guess I'm getting rusty.
- This cube sticks.
- Ah, sure, good buddy.
(eerie music)
- Tiger birds.
Very rare.
- Thought they were extinct.
- Just 'cause we ain't seen one in years
don't mean there ain't none.
Especially in there.
(eerie music continues)
- They never leave the canyon.
- They did today.
(eerie music continues)
- Something must have disturbed 'em.
- You're not thinking of
going in there, are you?
- Something feels strange, Tec.
- You see a bunch of extinct birds fly by,
and now you're feeling odd?
- It's not just the birds.
It's, it's, some feels different.
(intense music)
Different inside.
- Like inside your body or,
or inside the canyon?
- Tec, you feeling anything?
- Just thought it was my IBS.
- Shaz, what the hell kind
of coffee is this anyway?
- Yeah, did you put something in this, Shaz?
Like peyote or something?
- It's not the coffee.
My old ones say there's
bad medicine in that canyon.
- Chef, you put something in these eggs?
- Now why are you old Watchdogs
suddenly suspect you're being drugged?
- You know, it's not my gut.
I feel, I feel more alert.
- Like wide awake.
- Yeah, more than ever.
- Something's awake.
There's something down there
in that canyon, all right.
And it ain't afraid of us,
our little pop-g*ns, nothing.
(eerie music)
- You boys remember who framed these?
- Who would want to?
- That's what I'm asking.
- There was an accident.
- It was more than an accident.
- We're not going back
down to the mill, Mose, okay?
- I'm stepping out for
some sunshine, fresh air.
Like civilized people.
- Now don't go snooping around now, Mose.
- It's a free country.
(dramatic music)
- Where's he going?
(dramatic music continues)
(motorcycle rumbles)
- 30 years ago, that accident,
that's why we're still sitting here today.
Strange that it's, it's
suddenly buggin' Mo.
Something that happened in
that mill in that accident,
something that none of us can remember.
(dramatic music continues)
- I've been here before.
Not supposed to go back.
Why?
(eerie music)
(footsteps shuffling)
(intense music)
- Hey!
Hey!
Hey, son. Says no trespassing.
(dramatic music)
(figure growling)
(dramatic music continues)
(dramatic music)
- (sniffs) What the hell?
(zombie growling)
(Mose whimpers)
(Mose shouts)
- 22.50, same as always.
- It's time for the check already?
- Mose never came back.
- How long's he been gone?
- Didn't you notice you ate a
whole breakfast since he left?
(eerie music)
(door squeaks)
- Whoa, check this place out.
The tomb of the ancients.
What's up, old dudes?
- Hey, sorry to barge.
Are you guys open?
- Yeah, we're always open
- Door looked old. It
thought it'd be hard to move.
- Everything in here is old and hard.
(camera snapping)
- What the f*ck? Look.
This is the place I was talking about.
- Kirsten, literally chill one sec.
Is that a quirked up Kappa Continental?
- You know it. Direct
copy of a Fender Mustang.
- What do you think he's
doing with that calculator?
- More importantly, what
are they doing in here?
- Ain't had a new customer in 30 years.
- We're looking for the Steen Mill.
- What do you kids want with that old mill?
- We're making a movie.
- A documentary.
- A documentary movie.
- Well, find something
else to make a movie about.
That Mill's off limits.
- No trespassing.
- Condemned.
- Federal property.
- We just drove like 100 miles to get here.
- That's like a lifetime without coverage.
- Can't you guys take us? Looks
like it used to work there.
- Off limits is off limits.
(dramatic music)
What don't you kids understand
about federal property
of the United States government
upon which there is no trespassing?
- Chef, get these kids
some grub. You look hungry.
- Okay.
- Dehydrated.
- But if you guys take us,
it wouldn't be trespassing, right?
- Yes. And it used to
be your job anyway, yo.
- We're the Watchdogs.
That's our job, and there's
no way we're letting you
anywhere near that mill.
(dramatic music)
- Sorry, kid. The answer's no.
- Even if I told you that mail
belonged to my grandfather?
(dramatic music continues)
- What's your name?
- I am Walter of Walter's
World. 300,000 subscribers.
- Kirsten Steen.
I believe you used to work with
my grandfather, Henry Steen.
(dramatic music continues)
- Tector, get the keys.
(energetic music)
Chicka chicka pow-pow
Chicka chicka now-now
Wicky-Wicky wow-wow
Chicka-Chicka pow-now
Woo
- Now he's gonna learn it.
- Great.
- Are you ready? (laughs)
- How old is this Bronco?
- It's a Land Cruiser, kid.
Here we come
It's time to get down
Here we come (indistinct)
- Can you turn on the air condition?
- Wastes gas.
- After leaving the tomb of the ancients,
we're now in the chariot of the gods,
crossing the land that time forgot.
- 30.
- 30 what?
- How many days in 30 years?
- 10,871,
factoring leap years.
- Is that true?
- And just how many of those
days can you recall, clearly?
- Something was in that coffee.
Shaz, you put something in that coffee?
- Chef makes the coffee the same every day.
(chef sniffs)
(eerie music)
(eerie music continues)
(Chef sniffs)
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(dramatic music)
(device whirring)
(device beeping)
(dramatic music continues)
- [Walter] Hey guys, is Count Dracula home,
or do we just walk in?
(door squeaks)
Okay, for the record,
my car totally could have made this drive.
(eerie music)
- Do not film me with
that crappy light on my skin.
- [Walter] I won't.
- We should have stayed at the diner.
- We spent enough time at that diner.
- Yeah, but we spent enough time here.
- In the middle of nowhere,
a lonely bike stands on its kickstand.
No evidence surrounding,
light breeze in the southwest.
Who left it here, I wonder.
- Hey, that's Mose's bike.
(door slams)
- Now that is a mystery.
And if you like mysteries,
smash that subscribe button.
There's something going on here.
- It sure looks like it.
(dramatic music)
- They don't make them like they used to.
- Hey!
- Yeah, wait!
(dramatic music continues)
- (sighs) g*dd*mn it.
(eerie music)
- It smells like someone died in here.
- Hey.
- Whoa.
- What are you doing?
- Watch out for tailings.
Don't breathe that stuff in.
- [Smelly] They will make you glow.
- Mill tailings. Sandy
process waste material.
Eat your shoelaces. Rot your souls.
- Ore residue.
Contains radioactive
decay waste from uranium.
- Think heavy metal, kids, but heavy metal.
- So what?
- Just don't eat off the floor.
Looks like they sold off
everything of value in here.
Just left this junk behind.
(eerie music continues)
(dramatic music)
(eerie music)
- I got a bad feeling.
- I hate this place
- Tec, if I don't wind up
alive at the end of today,
will you write my, my...
- Alive? What are you talking about?
- My daughter?
- (scoffs) When do you get a daughter?
(laughs) Criminy, Smelly.
I don't even recall you
losing your virginity.
- Why would you?
- I don't know.
- That's me. There's old Tector
standing right beside him.
That's old Mose,
the guy that we're all down
here looking around for.
And right there, kid, that's
your grandfather, Henry Steen.
(eerie music continues)
- None of us recall nothing,
ever.
- What are you getting at?
- I,
I was with Mary Josie Townes for years.
Yeah, (laughs) me and Mary Townes.
- You and Mary Townes?
That's just not possible.
I mean, look at you. (laughs) Look at her.
Look at you.
(laughs) I mean.
- Yeah.
- You know?
- But we shined
for a good while.
We were married, had a daughter.
Her address, it's in my boots,
my daughter's address.
My cowboy boots that I keep in my trailer.
Tec, I, I never wear
those boots. I forgot.
I never wear them, 'cause, 'cause,
'cause, I, I keep important stuff in them.
Important paperwork.
- I've never seen his picture before.
Mom didn't keep any.
Hi gramps. Nice to meet you.
(gentle music)
- Henry led our platoon. (sighs)
We all came back, different.
It, it was like we, we never left.
Nobody even noticed we'd been gone on.
- Tector, (gentle music continues)
if something happens to me,
you gotta write her.
Let her know that I love her.
My daughter,
her name is
Emily,
Emmy.
- Yeah, sure I'll do that, Smelly.
But there ain't nothing
gonna happen to you, okay?
You're gonna be okay. It's just the mill.
(eerie music)
(footsteps tapping)
- Henry kept us together.
Still had his business sense.
He had a degree in electrical engineering.
Brought us all out here
to the mill, gave us jobs.
Good times.
And then, and then we...
What year was that?
(eerie music) We...
Anyway, (sighs) your grandpa
was a great boss, a great leader.
Good man.
- [Smelly] Darlus, look at this!
(eerie music continues)
- I've never seen him talk that much.
They've all been acting strange today,
remembering stuff.
- Waking up.
(eerie music continues)
- Down there is where the accident was.
(dramatic music)
- Yeah, right. The yellow cake vat.
- [Smelly] They were attacked.
- We're going down there.
- What do you mean we? (sighs)
(eerie music)
Great.
Going down to the deepest,
darkest part. Love that.
- (laughs) Ectoplasmic residue.
Now we're getting to the good part.
- No, you kids wait here.
We'll go check it out.
- Can't we come?
- No.
- Why?
- You three wait up here.
Shaz, keep an eye on 'em.
- Man, we can't go down
into the terrifying depths
of some terrifying basement with you guys?
Come on.
- Kid, just let us check it out.
- (sighs) Let's just do
it. He can't stop us.
- I heard that.
- Sorry, but you're kind of old.
You can't stop me if I
wanna run right past you
and get down there first.
- The three of us are going
down. You kids wait here.
- Okay.
(door squeaks)
(eerie music)
(stairs squeaking)
(eerie music continues)
- Darlus, you think Mose came down here?
(eerie music continues)
- Someone did.
(eerie music continues)
- Memories.
- Been a long time since
we worked here, boys.
Used to seem like just yesterday.
Now it seems like another lifetime.
- What was it called, that
stuff we found in the mine?
- Steenium.
- (laughs) 'Cause we named it after Henry.
(door squeaks)
(eerie music continues)
- We brought it in for processing.
- He thought that stuff was
more valuable than uranium.
- He thought we'd found
something better than gold.
(stairs creaking)
(eerie music continues)
There was some sort of chamber.
- Yeah, like a room, a hollow.
- Down deep.
(dramatic music)
Didn't that one fella fall in the vat?
- The kid from Olathe.
- Just a teenager.
- I think his name was Pete.
- Pete?
(Pete growls)
Pete Leonard?
Oh man. What, what happened?
What are you doing down here?
(eerie music)
Do you remember me, Pete?
Your old crew buddy, Smelly?
(Pete growls)
We didn't run out on you, Pete, I swear.
We went to get help, but
tin hats did what they do.
(eerie music continues)
And then we were asleep,
too long.
(eerie music continues)
But, but we're awake now.
We can get someone down here to fix you up.
And it's gonna be okay, Pete.
(Pete wails)
(dramatic music)
- Pete, new guy. Didn't talk much.
(dramatic music)
(dramatic music continues)
(liquid bubbling)
- Maybe he didn't fall.
(dramatic music continues)
(dramatic music continues)
- Pete. You sure that was his name?
- Smelly?
- No Smelly's Smelly's name.
- I mean, where is Smelly?
- Back upstairs.
(dramatic music)
- And we have filing cabinets.
Lots and lots of filing cabinets.
(eerie music)
- All of grandpa's history is in here.
(eerie music continues)
- We should have done the basement.
Oh, someone sealed this place up.
- Not someone, the government.
This place is-
- What?
- Uh, shut down.
Been here centuries.
- Come on. Centuries.
- Yeah, dude.
Last century plus this one.
(eerie music continues)
It's more than one.
- Walter, get me doing this.
- All right. And action.
(cabinet rattling)
Little harder. Oh, there you go.
Little harder.
(cabinet rattling)
Lemme get a tight shot
of you opening the drawer one more time.
(bright music)
- Allow me.
- Very old purchase orders.
- Ha-ha.
(eerie music)
- I know nothing about my grandfather.
My mom wouldn't talk about him
or answer any questions about him.
She was mad at him for
disappearing on my grandmother.
- Bummer.
- (laughs) Idea.
On action, dial zero. Ready?
- That's kind of like my grandfather.
He disappeared on my grandmother
but then returned a year
later with three extra wives
and two new sets of twin daughters,
so I have like 25 aunts.
- And action.
(dramatic music)
- You have to dial it.
- I don't get it.
- All right. Put your finger in.
Now spin it.
No, you have to...
Use your hands, spin the dial.
(bright music)
- Oh my God. It's turning.
- Now pull your finger back out.
(phone whirs)
- That is so cool.
- [Operator] Bravo tango
sierra golf niner decimal five.
- Are you filming this?
- Oh, I'm filming it.
- [Operator] Sierra golf niner
slash 70. Please identify.
- Hi, it's Chalee.
- [Operator] What's your operating number?
- What's my operating number?
- Don't mess with that, dude.
- What? Dude, it's just a phone,
bro.
- Dude.
(dramatic music)
- What the hell was that?
- Never rang before.
- Since when?
- Since I don't know when the
guy that was here before me
said none of these phones
ever rang for him either.
- Get the S.O.P.
(dramatic music continues)
(pages rustling)
- There.
- That can't be right.
- Check the T.I.N.
Bravo, 13, stroke, niner,
dash, 6. (dramatic music)
- That can't be right. An ETB?
Check the Macintosh.
(dramatic music)
Oh my God, what?
(keys tapping)
(computer beeping)
Oh my God.
- Look at that one.
(computer beeping)
(dramatic music)
(pages flipping)
- This cannot possibly be correct.
- It is, unfortunately, correct sir.
It's a genuine blue site, sir.
- Sir, activated as of 13:22 hours today,
20 minutes ago, sir.
- I know what time 13:22 is, Major.
- Yes sir.
- I also damn well know
it was 20 minutes ago.
- Yes sir.
- Sorry sir, but this order has an alarm
of 7 dash B slash
09,
0091 dash Gamma 0
5 6 slash 2
hyphen, hyphen, hyphen A.
- Nuclear strike compulsory, sir.
- Nuclear strike required, sir.
- No, no.
Let's not get ourselves all
tizzied up in a curler dander
like a couple over-pampered show poodles.
- But sir, apparently if
this stuff has gotten loose-
- Uh, woken up.
- It's gotten loose, sir.
- Woken up.
- Yes, true.
But technically, sir, it's gotten loose.
- Correct, but theoretically it's woken up.
- Gentlemen, which one is it?
- Sir, it could be unstoppable.
- It could get in the groundwater.
- Into the streams.
- Aquifers.
- Under improper circumstances,
it could become airborne.
- It could get to Vegas.
- It could reach Los Angeles.
- Now, whoa, whoa, let's just slow down
just for the moment and put
those little yellow canaries
back in their gilded cages.
I'll get on the horn to
Farnsworth and see what he thinks.
- That's serious, sir.
- Serious?
Are you not the soldier
who just used the words nuclear strike?
- No sir. That was him, sir.
- Dude, you said it right after me.
- Gentlemen. Now, I don't
want to sugarcoat this.
This situation is a bit of a tight taco.
A nuclear strike is required,
but after extraction
- To evacuate civilians, sir?
- No, to retrieve the weapon.
- Who was on the phone?
- I don't know.
- Ask her. She was the
one doing the talking.
- Don't blame me. They
didn't say anything anyways.
All they said was some
numbers and some letters.
- Numbers and letters?
- Yeah, you know, like
A, B, C, D, E, F, G
and 1, 2, 3, 4?
- You don't just pick up a
phone in a place like this
and start making outgoing calls.
- I would hardly define what Chalee did
as making a whole outgoing call.
All she did was dial one little number.
- I literally dialed like the zero.
- You can't pick up a
phone in a place like this
and literally dial like the zero.
- What is the big deal?
You guys totally invited us to come here,
and now all of a sudden it's,
oh, don't go down into
that creepy basement.
Oh, don't touch what's on the floor.
Oh, beware that dial from 1987.
- We shouldn't touch anything in here
- Guys, listen to this.
"April, 1991, deep in the canyon,
we mined perhaps too greedily,
and that's where we found it.
A large container with no
corners, no nuts nor bolts.
Took everything we had to crack it,
and therein it lurked,
Steenium.
Seemed at first an ordinary,
if not strange mineral,
but once we began to process it-"
- What the hell are you reading?
- It's our grandfather's journal.
- Henry Steen's Journal, dude.
- "Oh, for the love of all that is holy,
I now wish we hadn't named it after me.
Damn my blazing ego.
Now the name is stuck.
My precious, once respectable,
once golden family name
aligned now and forever with the worst
of all possible elements,
and not even an element from this earth,
but an alien element
from the dirty, icy
hinterlands of outer space."
- I'm gonna stop you right there.
It's really boring to sit here
and listen to you read to the class.
- "Dare I write now what
I really think of Steenium
down on paper?
No, I dare only an acronym.
T.M.D.S.I.T.U."
- The most delicious
salad in the United States.
- Tiger Magic Durango Sarlacc Tupac...
Uh, what was the rest?
- Hmm.
- The most dangerous
substance in the universe.
(dramatic music)
(people screaming)
- The Steenium.
- The Steenium.
(people screaming)
- Holy sh*t.
- Wait, did you just have a flashback too?
- That stuff was alive.
(dramatic music continues)
(people screaming)
- Steenium seeks to
absorb into its hive mind
all the sentient of the universe.
- Are you serious?
Come on, mama always
said grandpa was a loon.
And this just proves it.
- Dude, let her keep reading.
I'm just saying it's boring.
- A device that was
attached to the container
could be our salvation,
but I no longer have it.
It was stolen.
One of my own men went crazy, babbling,
took off into the desert.
When he showed up again, he
had no memory of his actions.
(eerie music)
- My people speak of a legend
of bad medicine in the valley.
Controls minds. Erases memories.
(mouthing)
- What if he didn't abandon mom?
What if he was working on something here?
(dramatic music)
Wait, why are we running?
- Instinct.
We're both seeing funny
things that aren't there.
There must be some kind of
fumes or something down there.
- Instinct. It's probably
why Smelly split.
He's got those feelings.
He's such a sensitive man.
(metal rattles)
Do you hear that?
- Darlus.
Tector.
(eerie music)
(eerie music continues)
- We should keep running.
(dramatic music)
(dramatic music continues)
- Darlus, come on!
(door slams)
- Tector, help, help me! (grunting)
(dramatic music continues)
Come on. Let's get outta here.
(Smelly growling)
(dramatic music)
- You guys hear that?
(dramatic music)
- We're leaving.
- What did you find down there?
(glass shatters)
(Chalee screams)
(glowzie shrieks)
- Nice throw, kid.
- Oh, Smelly.
- Yeah.
- Smelly.
- Smelly.
What did they do to you?
- Smelly, buddy.
What happened?
- You're glowing all green.
(Smelly grunts)
(glowzies growling)
(dramatic music)
- Tec. Door.
Tecdoor.
- Tector.
- Tecdoor.
Joy-en-us.
(glowzies growling)
- Join us?
- I think he said Janice.
- Who's that?
(glowzies growling)
(glowzies grunting)
(glowzies grunting continues)
- That worked. We got to call for help.
- Oh now you want to use the phone?
- What phone?
(eerie music)
- What can stop these things?
(fighter jet whooshes)
(dramatic music)
(hammer thunks)
(phone rings)
- Maxim, Jefferson, Vindicate,
Snowbird, Colorado, X, 2 dash 1.
Please Repeat. Over.
(voice murmurs from phone)
Wait. Home-base sending what?
The situation's under control.
And we have several friendlies on site.
If breakout occurs, we are ready,
so no need for me to evacuate,
and no need for a nuclear strike.
Uh, thanks, but no thanks, sir.
(voice murmurs from phone)
Sir, with all due respect,
we have several friendlies on site now
scoping the problem face-to-face.
And if I don't alert 'em,
they'll all be destroyed,
and some highly unnecessary friendly fire.
(voice murmurs from phone)
With all due respect, sir.
(voice murmurs from phone)
(sighs) Yes, understood.
(voice murmurs from phone)
Yes sir.
(voice murmurs from phone)
(phone beeps)
(gentle music)
(dramatic music)
(glowzies growling)
(Smelly roars)
(glass shatters)
- Great. Now we're trapped.
(glass shatters)
- (screams) Hey!
(Tector screaming)
- Hey, let go of my head!
This is my favorite hat!
(dramatic music continues)
(glowzie shouts)
(glowzies grunting)
(dramatic music continues)
- Tec, Tec, talk to me fella.
- I'm okay.
- Walter, grab another cabinet.
- How many fingers am I holding up?
- Ah George Herbert Walker Bush.
- Right. Who's the president?
- Four.
Okay, you're good man. You're good.
(bright music)
(door rattling)
- A Sony Stereo Tapecorder
500A reel-to-reel.
The coolest.
- Wally!
No!
(door rattling)
- And Allied Knight KN-3002 floor speakers,
15 inches at least.
(glowzies growling)
(Walter gasps)
(tapecorder clicks)
Here goes nothing.
(tapecorder whirring)
So pack up your little
thongs and your cutoff jeans
The biggest waves
(glowzies growling)
And the prettiest babes
Something about the
sun, these summer days
The biggest waves
And the prettiest babes
- Shut that crap off.
Something about the
sun, these summer days
(glowzies growling)
- The glowzies, they've stopped.
- Glowzies?
- I just came up with that.
You know, just off the top of my head.
- It's really clever.
- Because did you notice
how they're glowing?
- Yeah, they glow.
- Yeah, glowing.
- Yeah, glowzies.
- I should play you a surf ballad
when we get back to the diner.
- Okay.
(glowzies growling)
- They're messed up somehow.
(glowzies growling)
- Look at 'em.
They're dizzy.
- They malfunctioned.
- Whistle. See what they do.
- No, don't draw attention.
- No, just see what they do.
- Leave 'em be.
- Yeah, but something
happens, so just whistle and see.
- I vote no whistling.
- I'm with that.
- Yeah, let's just stay quiet
- Or whistle and see if it's safe.
- We need to know if it's safe to pass.
(eerie music)
(Darlus whistles)
(dramatic music)
(glowzies growling)
- sh*t!
- Don't whistle. Don't whistle.
- Obviously a terrible idea.
- Reverse whistle. Reverse whistle!
(glowzies growling)
(dramatic music continues)
- Hit the music. Hit the music.
What the hell are you doing?
- Hang on, I gotta change songs.
(group groans)
- [Chalee] Come on. Hurry up, Wally.
(glowzies growling)
(glass shatters)
- Music! Music!
- I can't just play the same song twice.
- Music!
- Music, Walter, music!
- Kid, hit the tunes!
(Walter yelps)
- Are you kidding me, man?
Come on dude.
- [Kirsten] Seriously, Wally, hurry up!
(glowzies growling)
(dramatic music continues)
(dramatic music continues)
(Chalee shrieks)
(group screaming)
(reel whirring)
- Walter!
Cowabunga, dudes
(energetic music)
(glowzies growling)
Hey, hey, hey
(glowzies growling)
(glowzies growling)
- It's working.
- Oh my God.
- They hate music.
- Henry used to play
this stuff all the time.
- Now's our chance. Let's move.
(energetic music continues)
- Better hurry. This song's
only three minutes long.
- I can rewind it.
- No, you go near that machine again...
- Are you pushing or pulling?
- Pulling.
- Push!
Yeah!
(energetic music continues)
(energetic music continues)
(glowzies growling)
(energetic music continues)
(reel whirs)
(glowzies growling)
- (squeals) I don't like it. Ew, ew, ew.
Ew, ew, ew, so gross.
Ew, ew, so gross, so
gross, so gross. (squeals)
(camera snaps)
(glowzies growling)
Oops. (screams)
(glowzies growling)
(dramatic music)
- Chalee!
(Chalee screams)
- Walter!
(glowzie roars)
(glowzie growls)
(Chalee screaming)
- Come one, come on. No!
(Chalee screaming)
(glowzies growling)
- Forget it. Forget it.
She's gone. We've gotta skin out.
(dramatic music continues)
Shaz, Kirsten, Walter!
Darlus!
- Tector!
(dramatic music)
Get the truck started.
(Tector gasps)
Whoa!
Come on! Roll it up.
Oh man, close it. Close it!
Punch it! Punch it, Tector!
(tires screeching)
Come on, come on, come on, punch it!
(tires screeching)
- Darlus.
- God gave us windshield wipers.
(intense music)
(windshield wipers squeaking)
(Walter gasps)
(gentle music)
(Walter gasping)
- Sorry about Chalee, kid.
- That's all right.
At least for posterity's sake,
I got her last few days on video.
I'm sorry about your buddy.
- Sorry. Smelly was a real good dude.
Chalee seemed nice.
- She was.
It's pretty cool how you
rolled up that window
so fast with that handle.
Never been in a truck like this
with one of those ancient
handles, so good job.
- It's all in the wrist.
- Mm-hmm.
(eerie music)
(dramatic music)
- [Fighter Pilot 1] Niner
five Beeswax, target in range
in one and one half hour, copy.
- [Fighter Pilot 2] Copy
that, Pinkie. Coming in hot.
- [General Edwards]
Hold position and be ready.
Friendlies on the ground.
Let's give them the professional courtesy
of cleaning this mess up
before we get too dirty.
- [Fighter Pilot 1] Solid copy.
- So what are we gonna do?
- What are we supposed to do, kid?
It's up to the authorities now.
- We were just supposed
to keep an eye on the place.
Our job here is done. We're
gonna get outta this valley.
- My grandfather's journal mentioned
something about a control device.
- A what?
- Watch out.
(dramatic music)
- [Loudspeaker] This is the US government.
Stay where you are.
You, in the 1987 Land Cruiser,
step out the vehicle now.
- Which is it, stay or step out?
- Everyone take it slow.
- Just, just, just wait a minute.
- [Loudspeaker] Don't worry,
guys. We're US government.
We're just here to help.
(eerie music)
Driver, turn off the ignition
and exit the vehicle now.
- I don't care much for this.
(eerie music continues)
- I don't care much for this.
I don't care much for this.
I don't care.
- Walter, Walter, Walter.
- I just don't care. Mine.
- Walter, Walter!
- Mine!
Walter, Walter!
- Mine.
- Walter! Walter!
(loudspeaker echoes faintly)
(g*nshots whistle)
- Walter, Walter, Walter!
Walter, Walter, Walter!
(Walter cackling)
(dramatic music continues)
- [Loudspeaker] Hey, congratulations
on losing those guys.
That's the third time
this month. Great job.
(intense music)
- Why did they just take off and leave us?
- No idea. We'll be fine though.
Don't worry. I got you.
(gentle music)
(car hissing)
(intense music)
(intense music continues)
(Tector and Darlus groaning)
(eerie music)
(people chattering faintly)
- The end! The lab!
The guy!
(eerie music continues)
(people shouting)
- What the hell are they doing down there?
- This might be bigger than we thought.
- [Soldier] That's it. More, more.
(Walter sniffing)
(dramatic music)
- Walter.
- Pull! Pull!
- Come on.
- Whoa, buddy, hey,
you know, this kid ain't
exactly our responsibility.
- He is now.
- [Soldier] Pull! Pull harder!
(dramatic music)
- Darlus, where the hell are we?
- In Boulder Valley, trying
to catch a loose teenager.
- But isn't this familiar?
- [Soldier] Sir, yes sir.
(eerie music)
(eerie music continues)
- We were the ones who dug it out.
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
- All these memories
because we, we came back.
- I think it's because
the Steenium came back.
- Pull!
- Pull!
- Pull!
- Pull harder!
- In which case, we have to move.
- I still think Chef's been
putting drugs in our coffee.
(dramatic music)
- (gasps) Wow.
Oh wow.
- Oh my.
(gentle music)
- Some of these look new.
- I've been all over this valley.
How have I missed them?
- Recent.
Styles much older than the petroglyphs
were accustomed to in this region.
They don't make sense.
Dabbled in archeology at
the university. (laughs)
- Look.
(bright music)
(bright music continues)
- That's why you never saw them.
(gentle music)
Some kind of shape.
A, a rock, a blob
- k*lling a dude.
- Looks like it came out of a cave.
- Over here. Let's go.
- Come on.
(soldiers shouting)
- Pull, pull, pull, pull!
- That's not a blob. That's Steenium.
- Sun and moon together
means the Steenium's always been here.
- Since they brought it
down from outer space.
- Crashed here.
- Buried here,
like nuclear waste.
(dramatic music)
(dramatic music continues)
- [Soldier] Come on, man, you
can do it. Bring it on closer!
(Walter sputters)
- [Soldier] Let's get
this thing outta here.
(drill whirring)
(intense music)
- Look here, they, they
stop the blob with that,
that thingy.
- It looks mechanical almost.
That must be the device.
- The device.
(intense music)
(Walter panting)
- Walter!
What are you doing? Are you okay?
(dramatic music)
Come on.
Come on, kid, we gotta get move!
- Freeze!
- It's mine.
(soldier grunts)
(gentle music)
- [Faint Voice] Into the shadow.
- Good.
- Who the hell are you?
- Who the hell are you?
- I'm Tector. He's Darlus.
- Oh, you are the famous Watchdogs.
Well, good boys, alerting
us with your barking.
And even better, finding this.
- What's going on here?
- You really don't know, do you?
Well, it's been a long time
since you were drugged
so you'd forget that you
were here back then.
- Drugged, you say? Just so we're clear?
- Mind wipe therapy.
It kept you quiet and compliant.
They probably just didn't
know what else to do with you.
- Sure. Because we knew
about your little project.
- Section 32 figured they'd wait
and see if your exposure to the Steenium
would aid any further research.
(dramatic music)
Actually, we just sort
of, uh, forgot about you.
(box rattles)
It's an alien element, Steenium,
not from this world.
All alone on its island of stability
Off the periodic table, element 144.
So exotic, it can't exist.
Yet here it is.
- Lady, we have heard enough of your crap.
If you're gonna sh**t, sh**t.
- Oh. (laughs)
Well, you are right, sir.
We certainly wouldn't
want to drag this out.
(Dr. Bar beau screams)
Help! (screams)
(Dr. Bar beau screams)
- Easy!
(eerie music)
(soldiers gasping)
- [Soldier] What is that thing?
- Oh my God.
- Stay back.
(eerie music continues)
- [Soldier] Oh my God.
(soldiers murmuring)
- [Soldier] Look at that!
(soldiers murmuring)
- I feel you.
Darlus, Tactor, we are awake now.
I remember you.
The time has come for you all to join us.
The time for unity. Rejoice, rejoice!
Your planet's problems are over.
- Oh sh*t!
- Oh sh*t!
(Steenium roars)
- Look out!
- Come on!
(soldiers screaming)
(g*nshots popping)
(soldiers screaming)
(g*nshots popping)
(soldier sputtering)
(soldiers screaming)
(dramatic music continues)
- [Tector] Come on!
- [Darlus] Come on, come on.
(glowzies growling)
- Now I know why we
feel more awake than ever.
- Our encounter with the
Steenium 30 years ago,
somehow we're still connected.
(intense music)
- Got that?
- I can't reach!
(intense music continues)
(glowzies growling)
Come on!
I can't reach!
(Chef grunts)
(Tector yells)
- I got you.
(tires skidding)
(energetic music)
(energetic music continues)
- You okay kid?
- Fine! F-fine.
Never better. All good now, see?
- I'm glad I found you boys.
- Yeah, it's pretty convenient. Chef.
- Chef, tell me something.
Tell me you didn't drug us,
drug us into standing guard in the middle
of this godforsaken
nowhere for the past 30 years.
- Did you do it, Chef?
Did you put the drugs in the hash browns?
Or did you put it in that soulless coffee?
- Soulless!
- Look fellas, I'm sorry,
but this mind wipe therapy
stuff has been happening
long before my watch.
I just retired here the
last 10 years, all right?
Hey, I'm just another someone out here
watching over the Watchdogs, as such.
(energetic music continues)
(device squealing)
- What is going on with this thing?
(eerie music)
(gentle music)
- Back then, the old ones used the device
to drive the glowzies into
their container, but also...
- Music. They the used music.
- You're sharp as a tack, little bird.
- We need to find that device
- Before the world ends.
That's tough.
- Yeah. Before the world ends.
(car horn honking)
(car horn honking continues)
(intense music)
(Tector shouts)
- Get him back!
- I'm tryin'!
(energetic music)
(music whirring)
(intense music)
(car ignition rumbling)
- Shaz, Kirsten, thanks.
Everybody good?
- Not feelin' so hot.
I think I might. (retches)
(Walter retching)
(Walter retching continues)
(Walter sputtering)
(eerie music)
- The most delicious salad.
(gentle music)
(Walter gasps)
- How are you even alive?
- I'm built different.
- Well, electrical's fried,
which means we're toast.
We'll never make it to a
minimum safe distance on foot.
- What's coming, Chef?
- What do you think?
Scorched earth.
(dramatic music)
- Oh, a nuke.
Surprise. Surprise.
- That Steenium's too dense.
Hit it with a nuke,
it'll turn it into aerosol.
Evaporate up into the clouds
and come down as rain in Denver.
- That'll spread that
stuff through the Midwest,
turn everybody into zombies.
- Glowzies.
- Yeah, they're called glowzies.
- Oh my god. You guys found it.
- Yeah, we don't even
know what that thing is.
- We think it can control
the Steenium. Maybe stop it.
- You know what? That makes sense.
See, command was looking
for a device for a long time,
but they gave up years ago.
- 30 years ago.
(gentle music)
30 years of running.
I'm through running.
If this thing works, then
maybe, maybe we have a chance.
We don't have much time.
Maybe we can stop that stuff
before it leaves this valley.
- What's the plan, boss?
- We need somewhere to make a stand.
(dramatic music)
(light buzzing)
We reinforce the Eat, hunker down.
(joints popping)
(intense music)
Tector, Shaz, barricade the windows.
Walter, you get that jukebox ready.
Kirsten will help me figure out the device.
Hopefully that Steen blood
comes with the right intuition.
Chef, you'll handle the
perimeter preparation.
- Can do.
- You still have good comms?
- Listen sir, you cannot nuke us.
First off, we are ready
to stand our ground.
Second, a nuke will send the
Steenium every which way,
so please stand down the jets
and let us handle this the best way we can.
Okay? We are moments away from engagement.
(dramatic music)
Yes sir.
It's a diner whereby we
will make a last stand.
No, no sir. Not a sandwich, a stand.
And yes sir. It's an old-school diner.
No sir, the food isn't very good.
But then again, I wasn't
that much of a cook.
Sir, listen, we have a device
that may stop this
substance from spreading.
- We were in the Jeep
and it turned on by itself.
How'd it do that?
- This looks more like a range mode?
Or that might power it.
- Yes sir. No other troops will
arrive in time to reinforce.
That is understood.
(dramatic music continues)
Yes sir.
Your pilots may have
to use the nukes anyway
if they see we are being
overrun, that is understood.
(dramatic music continues)
Thank you sir.
(guitar music buzzes)
It's been a pleasure to serve.
Major Phillip Marion Jefferson
Magnuson Chef The 3rd,
over and out Sir.
(dramatic music continues)
- Go Watchdogs!
(light buzzing)
- Tector, what did you do to
turn this thing on last time?
- I, I didn't do anything.
- Do you think it activates
in proximity to the Steenium?
- So the plan is to wait
until those things get close?
- And just hope the device turns on?
- It could have turned on any
near Walter or that vault.
- And maybe Walter
didn't have Steenium in him.
- Glowzies inbound.
(intense music)
(glowzies growling)
(intense music continues)
(intense music continues)
(glowzies growling continues)
(intense music continues)
(glowzies growling continues)
(intense music continues)
- We need more time.
Take over, kid.
- Wait, but you can't,
I don't, I, I don't know what I'm-
- Do you believe in destiny kid?
This could be yours.
- I'm gonna go make
some green eggs and ham.
- No pressure, but we're definitely dead
if you don't figure this
thing out real quick.
- Worse. Become part of
whatever's oozing towards us.
But you got this, little smart bird.
- You're doing great.
(intense music continues)
(intense music continues)
(intense music continues)
- Why do you fight us?
- There's gotta be more
weapons hidden in here, right?
- What? No! Dude, no.
Stay out of there. Dude.
- Why do you fight us?
- We offer no strife. We offer no pain.
We offer life,
forever.
- (growls) Come to our side.
- You'll not age. You'll not sicken.
You'll not forget.
- Everything will be
better once we're together.
- Join us.
(glowzies growling)
(intense music)
- Join what?
(glowzies growling)
You mean be absorbed.
- Darlus, your employers have lied to you.
They are the enemy.
We are not the enemy.
Your kind causes its own
pain, and leaves many to die,
poisoning the very planet you live on.
- Yeah, but you're gonna
solve all of that for us?
- Yes,
yes indeed.
- Look, Chef's some kind of agent.
He's gotta have a spy vault somewhere.
- Here. Dude.
- Dude.
- How about you go back
to wherever you came from
and let us sort out our own problems?
- Don't tread on us, man, woman.
- Your kind is unable to function.
A disease that can't spread
beyond this planet.
(intense music continues)
- Look, it's a rocket launcher.
(intense music continues)
- This is your last chance.
Join us.
(intense music)
(intense music continues)
(Smelly growls)
(glowzies growling)
- Hey slime ball,
join this.
(dramatic music)
(rocket launcher clicking)
(glowzies growling)
sh*t, I...
- Just wait a second. Safety's
behind the trigger kid.
- Safety's behind the trigger.
- Okay.
- Blast him. Walter.
(dramatic music)
(expl*si*n blasts)
(feedback whistles)
- That was loud, right?
- What?
- Ah, great shot kid. Let's rock.
(triumphant music)
(g*nshots popping)
Yeah, I'm thinking I should
have brought more a*mo.
- Darlus!
(intense music)
(glowzies growling)
Don't get any of that green gunk on you!
Hyah!
- b*ll*ts don't do enough damage.
We gotta bust 'em up.
- Get inside. I got this.
- Like hell you do!
- You gotta get that thing working. Go!
(intense music continues)
(glowzies growling)
(intense music continues)
(Chef roars)
(goo splatters)
- Yeah, okay.
He might not need us.
(intense music)
(intense music continues)
- Please, tell me you
have that thing figured out.
- I'm making progress, I think.
- Look at his muscles, dude.
I don't think he can bend his
arms past like 70 degrees.
He looks like an action figure
with just a few points of articulation.
- Yeah, I bet If he punches normal people,
they just explode and candy flies out.
- I bet if he flexes, he becomes so dense
his body starts absorbing
carbon dioxide from the air.
- Yeah, if he flexed for a solid week,
he could end global warming.
- Yeah.
(intense music continues)
(glass shatters)
- Walter, music!
(intense music continues)
(hammer banging)
(intense music continues)
- This thing just ate the quarter.
- Again?
- It does that.
- Why wouldn't you tell me that?
- Don't you have extra quarters?
- Why would I have extra quarters?
- That was your one job.
Remember when we fortified this place?
You didn't think to test the jukebox?
- Yeah.
(glowzies growling)
(glowzies growling)
(device clicking)
(Kirsten yelps)
(glowzie yells)
(suspenseful music)
- Don't your kids carry cash?
- I only do contactless payments.
(quarter rattles)
- G7.
(intense music)
(glowzies roaring)
(door squeaks)
(glass shatters)
(glass shatters)
- Fellas.
(intense music continues)
(glowzies growling)
(energetic music)
Out where the ocean meets the sky
The waves unfold and the seagulls fly
We carve a path and make a wave
Through the turquoise tubes we love to play
We carved on and before too long
We took our cues and lit the fuse
We turned loose, we felt the juice
Boom goes the dynamite
Boom goes the dynamite
(energetic music continues)
(goo splatters)
(energetic music continues)
(glowzies growling)
Boom goes the dynamite
(energetic music continues)
(goo splatters)
- Did that work? (laughs)
- Hell yeah! (laughs)
- They almost had us. Not gonna lie.
- Whoa, dude.
- What?
- High five. Open that up a little.
(hands slap)
It's wet. I'm sorry.
(Tector speaks faintly)
(triumphant music)
(Walter groans)
(eerie music)
(indistinct)
- I see it.
(eerie music continues)
- Ew. Ew.
- I see it.
- Wait, it's leaving
- Kid, that's called a regroup.
(eerie music continues)
(intense music)
- That means the real
boss fight's about to start.
- We haven't seen its final form yet.
(intense music)
(intense music continues)
- This isn't good. Not at all.
(intense music)
- That thing never went off like before.
It must be primed to go.
- Yeah, but look at all these switches.
I mean I could-
- Kid, we're out of time.
- [Steenium] I tried
to make it easy on you.
(intense music continues)
I know you're in there. (cackles)
(intense music continues)
- [Kirsten] Music.
- [Steenium] Join us.
(electricity buzzes)
(Steenium cackles)
(intense music continues)
Join us.
- Kid! You gotta solve it, now!
- [Steenium] Ah, Darlus, my fine fellow.
You still work for me.
(intense music)
- Darlus!
- Tector!
- [Steenium] We'll be one!
(intense music continues)
- Here goes nothin'.
(guitar twanging)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, the sun is hot
Yeah, yeah, yeah, the waves are big
Yeah, yeah, yeah, the sun is good
I'm gonna surf
- Oh that!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're gonna rock
Yeah, yeah, yeah, the surf is nice
Yeah, we're savin' the planet
- [Steenium] As you say, the surf is up!
(Shaz and Walter shouting)
(intense music continues)
- Kid!
Surf music. Tempo! (screams)
- [Steenium] Darlus, join your friends.
(intense music continues)
(Darlus screaming)
(device clicking)
(intense music)
(goo splatters)
(expl*si*n blasts)
(eerie music)
(Darlus coughing)
- Kid. You did it.
You did it. I knew you
had it in you. (laughs)
- What happened?
- Holy crap, that stuff tastes terrible.
(Darlus coughing)
- Anyone seen my guitar?
- Oh.
- Hi.
- I knew it!
- [Fighter Pilot 1] Threat eliminated.
- [Fighter Pilot 2] Whoa,
boys, did you see that?
Looks like they had their own nuke.
- [Fighter Pilot 1] No Steenium left active
according to sensors.
Abort mission.
- That sure is convenient.
Mission aborted. We're heading home.
(triumphant music)
(everyone coughing)
- Whoa. Hi, gramps.
(gentle music)
- Hey.
Why isn't Chef coming back?
- He must have stayed in too long.
We got out in the nick of time.
10-hut. Officer on deck.
(gentle music continues)
(phone ringing)
(suspenseful music)
(suspenseful music continues)
- Open it.
- Like Star Trek. (laughs)
(gentle music)
- Hello?
- Well this must be the man
who saved the planet.
- No way. Is it really him?
- Dude, I gotta talk to this guy.
- No, this isn't the man
who saved the planet.
It's the team that saved the planet.
- Must be quite a team.
- We're the Watchdogs.
- (laughs) Watchdogs.
- Watchdogs.
- Yeah!
(energetic music)
(hands slapping)
(hands slap)
- [Walter] Oh yes!
(laughs) Oh man, that was crazy!
(energetic music continues)
(energetic music continues)
(energetic music continues)
(energetic music continues)
(energetic music continues)
(energetic music continues)
(energetic music continues)
(joints crackling)
(energetic music)
(triumphant music)
(triumphant music continues)
(triumphant music continues)
(triumphant music continues)
(triumphant music continues)
(triumphant music continues)
(triumphant music continues)
(intense music)
(intense music continues)
(intense music continues)
(intense music continues)
(intense music continues)
(intense music continues)
(intense music continues)
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Glowzies (2023)
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