01x02 - Elliot

[bunniefuu]

- Okay, what are we
looking at here?

A flock of cormorants.

A couple mallard.

Not a cormorant.

Well, wait, no, that's
a California towhee, I think.

Oh, people.

[sniffs] Yuck.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Ah, nah, that's just
a survey flag.

Well, here we are
at the exact coordinates

that Sky Shark Mark 92
laid out for a sighting

of the American avocet,
and as we just saw,

that was not an
American avocet.

It wasn't any kind of avocet.

I mean, all I've seen
out here so far

are a bunch of mallards,
a common crane or two,

a sea duck that
flew off course.

And I guess a few
black-necked stilts,

which of course are great,
but I mean,

I've already ticked them.

I don't even know.

But I am not prepared
to give up hope.

What?

What the heck?

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- [yelling]

- What is it?

- [yelling]

- What do you mean?

- Bag! Bag!

- You want my bag?

My bag?

- [yelling]

- Ju--

- Bag!

[gasping]

- Are you okay?

Sir?

You're good?

You sure?

Okay.

[grunting]

Sir? Sir?

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Wake up. Wake up.

Sir?

- Whoa!

Whoa, whoa.

I'm alive!

I'm alive.

Oh, God.

I thought that was it.

Wait.
- What--what happened?

- The pulley.

The pulley, oh, God.

You pull.

It's supposed to go down.

- Yeah.

- I went up.

It was so scary, so scary.

Oh, oh.

- You're okay now?

- I'm okay.

Oh!

Oh, yeah, I'm okay.

I'm sorry.

You must be so busy.

You do--yeah, you do you.

I'm--I got this.

I'm going to--

- Is there somebody
you want me to call or?

- No.

I think I'm just--

well, that's
a really nice camera.

Wait, wait, yes, yes.

You're not busy, are you?

Can you do me a favor quick?

- Well, I'm kind of--

- No, no, no,
I'll pay you $1,000 cash.

I need you for 10 minutes.

- As long as I can remember,
I've only had one wish.

It wasn't for $1 billion
or a million more wishes.

I just wanted to fly.

Cut to, it's 1994,

a young boy pops in
a VHS of a film

called "Terminal Velocity."

He's basking in the glow
of Charlie Sheen's brave

and incredibly
underrated performance

as skydiver Ditch Brodie.

And that boy knows his dream
is going to come true.

But he also knows
dreams don't come cheap,

and dreams need help,

which is why you might want
to hire someone professional

who might be able to make sure
that nothing bad happens,

which is why I contracted you,

your company,
Cloudaholics Skydiving,

to make sure
everything went okay,

so that, say,
I wouldn't be told,

pull your cord
anytime after 10 seconds

and accidentally get caught up
in the plane's jet stream,

sh**t straight up in the air
instead of sh**ting down.

Or--or I wouldn't be advised
to say, hey, go ahead

and just jump on your own even
though it's your first jump.

You don't need a buddy up there
when you're panicking.

There's nobody up there.
There's nobody around!

Or--or so that you won't end up


crumpled up on the ground, 90--

Too emotional.

- Huh?

- I said, it's too emotional.

It's too emotional, isn't it?

- Uh--

- I knew it, I knew it.

I knew it.

Look, it's too emotional.

Let me explain to you what
I'm trying to do here, okay.

I want to sue
Cloudaholics Skydiving.

I want to use the footage
you have of me

almost dying in that field.

But I need to combine it
with a perfect video.

And my video sucks!

It's too emotional.

- I don't know.

I think the emotion works.

- Really?

- Sure, yeah.

I mean, it shows you're
passionate, uncompromising.

It'll play with the jury.

- You just made me feel
so good.

You--I was just about to head
into a full shame spiral

of self-criticism,
and you know what you did?

- What?

- You saved me.

You saved me
for the second time today.

Because you are--

I mean, who--
who are you anyway?

You're an angel.
You know what?

Let me show you.

I've been focused on myself
this whole day.

Okay, who are you?

What's your name?

- Elliot.

- Elliot. [chuckling]
Elliot, phone home, ET.

Okay, what are you doing
out here, Elliot?

Tell me.

- I'm taking pictures of birds.

- Oh, yeah, I'm taking
pictures of you.

What's your blog called?

- "Feathers."

- That's a great name
for a blog.

But what are you doing
in the middle of nowhere?

Seriously, look at us.
We're nowhere.

What are you doing here?

- A guy on the community had
confirmed a sighting of a bird

that's on my life list.

- Hmm.

What's it called?

- The American avocet.

- Yeah,
what does it look like?

- It's a long-legged bird

with slightly webbed feet
and blue legs.

It's got a small, rounded head
and a long black bill

that turns slightly upward
at the end.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait,
wait, wait, wait there.

Did you say blue legs,
webbed feet,

small, rounded head,
and long black bill

slightly curved at the end?

- Yeah.

- Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, this is going to be
a good day, Elliot.

Elliot, come with me.

Hey, where's your car?

- You saw it?

- Okay, keep that camera on.
It could be here any second.

I swear, I saw a whole flock
of them right up here.

- Oh, man, I can't thank you
enough for doing this.

Especially with everything
you've been through today.

- Are you kidding me?

This is your wish.

I mean, what did you--
what did you call it?

A life list?

You have to see this bird
before you die, Elliot.

- [laughs]

- Look at you.

Look at that happy little boy.

I love how much
you love these birds.

It's so pure and beautiful.

Where does it come from?

- I don't know.

I guess I like
the whole thing.

I like sneaking up on them

and spending some time
with them

before they know I'm there.

When you spend that kind
of quality time with a bird,

you tend to get a little--

- Obsessed?

- Well, that's kind of
a strong term.

- No, obsession has a bad rap.

There's nothing wrong
with obsession.

It's natural.

I mean...

I'm a little obsessed
with you, Elliot.

I think you might be
a little obsessed with me too.

- What?

- I'm kidding!

Awkward humor alert.
Anyway, sorry.

Continue, please.

- Yeah, I mean, I guess I do
get a little deep into it,

but I'm not, like, a purist
like a lot of birders.

I mean, they look down
on the fact that I film them.

- Wait, what?

- Yeah, there's, like,
a whole thing about

you know, being out in nature

with the bird alone,
no technology.

But I don't know,
I guess I'm different.

For me, the way to enjoy it
best is to film them.

And then you end up with,
like, these tapes

you can watch over and over
and over again.

I mean, I have, like,
a whole closet full of them.

You probably think
I'm a weirdo.

[tires screeching]

- I don't think
it's weird at all.

- Huh?

- I think it's beautiful.

This is beautiful, man.

This--this sharing, this--
this honesty here, it's just...

While I have you,
just the two of us,

can I ask,

you ever bait your birds?

- What do you mean?

- I think you know what I mean.

You ever try to lure them in
a little bit with, like,

a "ca-caw," bird call,
or maybe some food?

- No, I'd never do that.

That's entirely unethical.

- What about capturing?

- Capturing?

- Yeah.

You ever want to, like--
like, jump on them with a bag,

and like, you know,

try and take
a little buddy home with you?

- No, God, no.

- Why?

Would the birds die in the bag?

- I don't think so.

It'd just be hard to catch
in the first place.

Besides, I never do that.

- Elliot, have you seen
the film "American Beauty"?

There is a line from it
that perfectly encapsulates

what we're talking about here.

- Shut up, shut up, shut up.

Did you see that?

- Wait, where--where you going?

Wait, wait. Elliot!

Come back!

- sh*t!

sh*t!

I'm sorry, man.

I thought for sure that--

Sir?

Hello?

Where did you go?

[scraping]

f*ck.

Guess I'm going to have
to go find him.

[both screaming]

[running footsteps]

- Elliot.

Elliot, don't you
walk away from me.

Don't you walk away from me.

I got something to say to you!

Hey!

Look, sometimes a man,
he can spend all his time

looking for a special bird,
and he doesn't realize

there's, like, a pretty decent
regular bird in front of him.

You feel your heart?

You feel the way
it's beating right now,

that gushing blood?

You were looking
for the--for that feeling

from that special bird,

and sometimes
there's a regular bird

right in front of you
that can--

that can give you
that same feeling.

Do you understand
what I'm saying?

- Yeah.

- Elliot, do not lie to me.

No more lying.

Do you understand
what I'm saying to you?

- Yes, yes.

- Come on.

[engine starts]

[dinging]

- Door's locked.

- Mm-hmm.

- The door is locked!

- I know.

- Okay, can you push
the little button?

Do you want to?

- Not really.

- Okay, what's going on?

- I can explain that.

- Yeah, I can explain it too.

This is bird bait.

And this is a liar.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Sir!

Sir!

[tires squealing]

- This is not going to work

unless we're honest
with each other, Elliot.

- What?

- I first need you
to admit that

you're a little bit
obsessed with me.

- I can't--I can't understand
what you're saying.

- I said, I'm not giving you
your car back

until you admit that
you're obsessed with me!

- Okay.

I'm obsessed.

- With me.

- Yes, yes, with you.

- Okay, good. That's good.

Now, second,
I need you to tell me

you understood what I meant
with my special bird metaphor.

- I--I think I understood.

- I don't think you did,
Elliot.

- Can I just have
my car back now?

- No, you may not.

Not until you tell me you
understood what I meant

with my special bird metaphor!

- Can you please just
come back here

so we can talk about this
without screaming?

- You are so frustrating!

God!

- Jesus Christ.

What?

Where? Where?

Where?

Where? Where?

- It's in the pond.

The blue legs, the webbed feet.

- [panting]

[sighs] Man, f*ck this.

Look, can I just have
my keys back now, please?

- No, Elliot.

No, you cannot.

Not until we clear up
all these lies.

- Oh, man, I am getting
so tired of this.

The sun is going down.

I know you think
I've been lying to you.

- No, no, Elliot.
No, no, no, no, no.

It's not you, it's me.

I'm the one who's been lying.

- It's okay.

We all do it.

I--I lied about the baiting.

- Clearly.

- Can I just have my keys?

And I will drop you
wherever you need to go.

- No.

No. No.

No.

I need you to understand

why I have been so emotional.

And I need to show you.

And when I show you, Elliot,

you are going
to understand everything.

Okay, you rolling? You ready?
- Yeah.
- Okay.

Here we go.

Uh, hold on. [chuckles]

Helps if there's
a little bit of wind.

Give that another shot.

It's just--anyway,
the point is that

the regular bag sort of
undulates and dances

in this very special way
because of the wind.

If you'd seen "American Beauty"
or listened

to what I was trying
to tell you before

you cut me off earlier,
you'd understand.

But fine, we're here now,
so it's--

it's really--
there's never any wind

when you need it,
is there, Eliot?

It's really frustrating.

- Yeah, I think I get it.

- No, Eliot,
I really don't think you do.

- I don't--
- No, you don't get it!

You don't get it!

Elliot?

- Yeah?

- I'm just trying--

I'm just trying to tell you
I think you're special.

That's all I'm trying
to do here, all day.

That's why I lied to you
about the bird.

It's why I lied to you
about Cloudaholics Skydiving.

I didn't get lost up there,
Elliot.

I found you.

I found you down here.

It was almost like--
like you were baiting me.

And so I came to you.

And then you spent all day

looking for that stupid
special bird!

And I'm just regular.

Why can't regular be special,
Elliot?

- Look, dude, I don't--

- Elliot, shut your mouth.

Shut up, shut up.

[whispering] The special bird
is right there.

Elliot!
I know you don't believe me.

I would not lie about this.

Look!

- Uh...

- Look!

Look!

- Holy sh*t.

It's the avocet.

- That's right, Elliot.

It's your special bird.

And now you have
a choice to make.

And this is not a test
in any way.

Special or regular?

- What are you doing?
- I baited you.

I baited you.

- What the f*ck are you doing?

Get away from me.

- Yeah!

Elliot!

Go!

- What are you doing?

[laughter]

[panting and grunting]

[grunting]

- It's okay.

It's okay.

It's okay. It's okay.

[panting]

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪