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04x07 - A Big Round of Applause for Alyson

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Penn & Teller: Fool Us". Aired: 7 January 2011 – present.*
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A magic competition television series in which magicians perform tricks in front of American magician-comedian duo Penn & Teller.

04x07 - A Big Round of Applause for Alyson

Post by bunniefuu »

[jazz music]

♪ ♪

[cheers and applause]

- From the Penn & Teller Theater

at the Rio Hotel in Las Vegas,

here's our host,
Alyson Hannigan!


♪ ♪

[cheers and applause]

- Welcome to "Fool Us,"

where we pull out
the world's best magicians

like a magician pulls
a rabbit out of a hat.

Wait, that analogy was
a little too on the nose.

I'll figure out
a better one later.

For now, please welcome
the Penn and Teller of magic,

Penn and Teller!

♪ ♪

[cheers and applause]

If any of our performers
successfully fool

our two titans of magic,
they win a slot

performing in Penn and Teller's
world-famous show.

Let's meet our first
potential fooler.

[fireworks explode]

- My name is Riccardo Berdini.
I'm from Italy.

That's why I'm so full of life!

During my childhood,
I was obsessed with music.


I started to be a successful
musical theatre actor.


[guitar strums]

I played roles like
Jean Valjean in "Les Mis,"

which gave me the award as
Best Musical Performer in Italy.

I was always attracted to magic,

but I decided to be
a professional magician


just recently in the past
two, three, years.


Combining magic
and music together,


that's where I wanted to focus
my way of being a magician.


It's beautiful to see how music
can influence our emotions,


our decisions, our choices.

It's incredible.

[cheers and applause]

- All the way from Italy,
here is Riccardo Berdini.

[cheers and applause]

- Thank you very much.

Today, I'm gonna try
to demonstrate to you

the incredible connection
between magic and music,

attempting an experiment
in memory and forgetting.

Alyson!
How is your memory?

- Uh, I forgot.

- A big round of applause
for Alyson!

[cheers and applause]

- Hi.
- Hey, nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you.

- I got a simple question
for you.

- Okay.

- Are you able to hold
two thoughts at the same time?

- Hm, sometimes.
- I knew that.

- Yeah.
- I knew that.

Okay, perfect,
I'm gonna show you two words,

and you have to try your hardest
to remember them, okay?

- Okay.
- And then with the magical

power of music,
and my Italian accent,

I'm going to delete them
from your mind

and replace them
with something else.

- Okay.
- Okay?

- All right.
- One thing.

It's very important.

Please, do not say
anything out loud, okay?

The same for you, guys.
Please, don't say any word,

no matter what you're
going to see, all right?

Okay.

Ladies and gentlemen,
this is the first word.

Penn and Teller, can you see it?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

Alyson, look at this word.

Lock it in your mind.

You got it?
Okay, perfect.

Wow, very good.
I'm proud of you.

[laughter]

Okay, and this is
the second word.

Can you see it?
- Yeah.

- Perfect.
Alyson, look at the word.

Remember.
Remember it, okay?

Perfect, wow.

Much better than I expected.
[chuckles]

Okay.
You know, guys,

the history of human kind

is full of amazing tales
and stories,

combining together
magic and music.

For example...
[guitar strums]

The word "enchantment" itself

derives from the Latin word
cantare,

which means to sing.

That's what I'm gonna do
right now.

I'm gonna cast a spell, Alyson,

enchanting you singing a song.

♪ ♪

♪ Ay, ay, ay ♪

♪ Ay-ay-ay, ay, ay ♪

♪ Ay, ay, ay ♪

♪ Ay, ay, ay ♪

♪ Ay, ay, ay ♪

♪ Ay-ay-ay, ay, ay ♪

♪ Ay, ay, ay-ay-ay ♪

♪ Ay, ay ♪

[ding]

[laughter]

Do you feel anything?

How do you feel?
You can talk right now.

- Oh.
- You can talk.

- It's lovely.
- Oh, thank you.

Do you think
I affected you somehow?

[laughter]
- Uh...

I mean, it was a lovely song.

- Okay.
Well, let's see what happened.

Okay, Alyson,
for the first time,

can you please tell us

the first word
that I showed you.

- "Forgotten."

- Forgotten?
Have you forgotten?

- [giggles]
"Forgotten" was the word.

- Oh, "forgotten" was the word.

Oh, interesting...

And what's the second word
that I showed you?

That was easy
to remember, right?

- Right.
- Okay, what was the word?

- The second word?
- The second word, yeah.

- "Riccardo"...
- Yes? What?

- Was the second word.

- Oh, the second word was
"Riccardo."

- Yes.
- Oh, cool, yeah.

You know, I like to
leave a signature

when I go into the mind
of someone else.

Yes, okay, Alyson,
I gotta tell you something...

- Yeah.

- The two words
that I showed you

were not "Forgotten"
and "Riccardo."

- No.
- Okay, Penn, please,

can you tell us, what was
the first word that you saw?

- "Enchantment."
- "Enchantment."

People in the audience,
is that the word that you see?

- Yeah!
[applause]

- And Penn, what was
the second word that you saw?

- "Remember."
- "Remember."

Is that the word that you saw,
guys in the audience?

- Yeah!
[applause]

- Well, Alyson, it looked like

somehow I changed your memory.

Ladies and gentlemen,
the enchantment worked!

[cheers and applause]
- [laughs]

- Oh, no, wait a second,
wait a second!

Alyson, Alyson, I don't want to
leave you like this, okay?

I have to delete
the enchantment, okay?

Look at me.
[imitates reverse singing]

[laughter]

How do you feel?
Same as before, right?

- Uh...
- Nothing's changed.

- Okay.
- You think so.

What are you reading now?
- "Enchantment."

- And?
- "Remember."

- Ladies and gentlemen,
thank you so much!

A big round of applause
for Alyson!

[cheers and applause]
Thank you very much.

- Riccardo Berdini!
- Thank you, Penn and Teller,

for allowing me to be here.

It was a pleasure.
Thank you!

- Oh, okay.
Well, all right.

You know, now I'm confused,

but there you go.
Let them talk.

- But you're free
from the spell,

so now you can be
yourself again, okay?

- Thank you so much.
[laughter]

So how did you get into magic?

Or, uh, mind games.

What did you do to me?

- Think about music.
Music is a mystery.

Music is something that
we still don't understand.

I mean, music can really affect

our emotions, our feelings,

our thoughts sometimes,

so it's magical.

If you think about it,
music is the real magic of life.

But I love magic so much,
and slowly, slowly,

magic started to be
not only a hobby.

It started to be a side job,

and now it's almost my main job.

- All right, well, let's see
if Penn and Teller love you.

- Well...
[cheers and applause]

Of everyone
we've had on the show,

you're the one who seems
to need magic the least

to get partners.
[laughter]

Why would you bother with magic?

You're Italian!

You've got everything else
going for ya.

I mean, it makes
everybody else on the show

look like they're 99 monkeys.

Then the hundredth monkey
comes out...

- [laughs]
- And just kills us,

being Italian, good-looking,
well dressed,

and playing guitar!

You've got everything.
Everything.

- You got it.
[all laugh]

- Wait--wait,
so that's how he did it?

- And you know something?
You also do really good magic.

- Oh, thank you.
- It's also really good.

- Aww.
- Thank you very much.

- All right, so I think you have
a date with Penn later...

- Yeah!
- Well, I would love to--

- Thank you so much.
You didn't get a trophy,

but you charmed them.

Riccardo Berdini!
- Thank you very much!

Thank you very much.
- Thank you, thank you.

- Thank you all!

[cheers and applause]

- What a great way
to start the show.

We've got more magic in store,

including a trick from
the masters of magic,

Penn and Teller.

[jazz music]

♪ ♪

[jazz music]

[cheers and applause]

- Welcome back to "Fool Us."

When we put our shows together,

we don't just grab
any clown off the street.

No, we grab a clown
from the Russian Circus.

Take a look.

[fireworks explode]

- I grew up in a Russian circus.

I originally was performing
as an acrobat,

and then kind of
transitioned into clowning,


'cause acrobatics
is way too dangerous.


Had way too many injuries.

The European-Russian style
of miming and clowning,


it's very theatrical.

You need to have
a lot of different skills,


whether it's acrobatics
and flexibility


and juggling and balancing
and miming, obviously.


When I first got into magic,
I realized that


some of the most simplest
magic tricks in the world,


like the sponge ball one,
get such huge reactions.


To me,
that it was magic is about.


It's not necessarily
something super technical.


It's about the reaction
you get from people,


the smiles, the laughs.

That's what it's about.

[cheers and applause]

- Please welcome
the magic of Yan Markson.

- ♪ I feel happy ♪

♪ Bop ♪

♪ So, so happy ♪

♪ Bop, bop, bop ♪

♪ I feel happy ♪

♪ So, so happy ♪

♪ Bop, bop, bop ♪
- Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.

You know what,
I'm just so happy to be here.

[exhales sharply]
Wow.

I look good on TV.
[laughter]

You know what,
I wasn't always a magician.

It took me a while to get here.

You see, when I grew up in
the Russian Circus,

both of my parents
were famous clowns,

so I knew that I had
really big shoes to fill.

[laughter]
Now--yeah.

You know,
they wanted me to be a juggler,

but I didn't have the ba*ls,
so instead...

[laughter]

Instead,
I decided to become a magician.

Now, it's not easy
to be a magician.

There's lots of secrets,
but luckily, these days,

there's an app for that.

This app right here
called AutoMagic,

yeah, it does
all the magic for you.

It does all the instructions.

You get the magic in the mail,

so, you know,
I'm always set to go.

You guys wanna try one out?
- Yeah.

[cheers and applause]
- Yeah? All right.

Let's see, this one here,

Master Mind Reader.

Ooh...
[crowd oohs]

Let's see how it goes.
- Hello.

Thank you for trying
AutoMagic...


- You're welcome. [chuckles]
- The world's first

artificial intelligence app
for magicians...


- It's intelligent.
- Perfect for magicians

with low intelligence.

- That's right--wait, what?
[laughter]

- For this trick, you will need

random country names in a bag...

- Got it.
- A chalkboard...

- Yep.
- And a volunteer.

- Okay, well, you know what,
there's no one better

to perform magic with
than Alyson Hannigan herself.

Give her a big warm welcome!

[cheers and applause]

Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.

- Come up a little closer.

All right, so let's see
what we gotta do, right.

There's a little bit of
instructions here.

- Next, ask the volunteer

to randomly select a country
from the bag.


- Okay, that's easy.

You know what,
why don't you grab a couple.

Grab a couple, read them out

to make sure that
they're all different.

Go ahead.
- Okay.

- There.
- Canada.

- Ah, that's where I'm from.
- Oh, all right then.

- Yeah, so what's the other one?
- Uh...

S--oh.
- Sweden.

- Well, misspelled.
- "Sweded," yeah.

- Okay.
- This company is strange,

you know, yeah.
- Right, yes.

- It's a Canadian spelling,
actually.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

Would you fold these up
for me, please?

- Yes.

- And just throw them back in.
- Yes.

- Yeah, so we're gonna give it
a little shake.

- Okay.
- [maniacal clucking]

That's for me.
- Thanks.

- Gonna shake it up over here.

Go ahead, reach in.

This time, make sure
you don't let me see what it is.

Just keep it in your mind,
all right?

You have a country?
- Yes.

- You know what it is, right?
- Yes.

- All right, so I'm gonna
try to figure out

what you're thinking, all right.

Now, it's not easy, but luckily,
there's these instructions here.

- Next, now this is
where the magic happens.


- All right.
- It's easy.

- Good.
- Grab the chalkboard

and write down Egypt.

- Okay, wait, what?
[laughter]

Really? Egypt?
- Yes, Egypt.

- All right.

Wow, that is easy!

- With a Y.
- Right.

[laughter]

- Next, it's time to ask
your volunteer


to reveal the country
they are thinking of.


- Okay, now, Alyson,

you did not tell me
what you're thinking of.

Obviously,
it's just in your mind.

So for the first time,
can you please tell everybody,

what is the country that
you thought of in your mind?

- France.
[laughter]

- I'm sorry, what?
- France.

- France. [laughs]

Oh, you know what,
that is exactly--

that is exactly
what I was thinking,

you know, France.

Je m'appelle, en Francais.
Oui, oui, oui.


France!

Alyson? Yes?
- Wow.

- Wow! Yay!
- Fantastic, whoo-hoo.

[cheers and applause]
Yay...

- Thank you.
You know what, give Alyson

a big round of applause.
Thank you, Alyson.

Thank you so much.
- Thank you.

Go back? Okay.
- [indistinct]

Put it right here.

You know what,
the great thing about this app

is that there's so many other
magic tricks we can do.

[laughs]

Let's see,
I brought all this right here.

Some other props.

Let's try this one here.

Yes, okay.

- Thank you for trying...
- Oh, we know this part.

- AutoMagic.
- I'm just gonna skip--

I'm gonna skip this
a little bit--

[tape fast-forwarding]

- Perfect for magicians
with low--


[tape fast-forwarding]
Low intelligence.


For this trick,
you will need two props...


- Okay.

- One is a square
of thin blue fabric...


- Okay.
- And second, a yellow bandana.

[laughter]

Pick up the bandana.

- [laughs]

- Now fold the bandana in half.

[laughter]

That's right.
Fold it in half.


[upbeat string music]

Now fold it one more time.

[laughter]

Take the folded bandana

and hide it in your left hand.

Remember to keep your hand
in a natural position.


This is called palming.
- Palming.

- Now that you've mastered
palming,


open up the folded bandana.

- Oof.

♪ ♪

- Show the audience
that it's a regular bandana


by waving it up and down.

If an audience member doesn't
believe it's a normal bandana,


allow him to wipe
his face on it.


- Oh, no--[indistinct]
It's okay.

- Now pick up the square
piece of fabric


and gather the four corners
together,


making a little makeshift bag.

♪ ♪

Using your free hand,
fold the bandana


along the creases
you've made earlier.


- [groans]

- And drop it into the folds
of that makeshift bag.


♪ ♪

- [indistinct]

- From the outside of
the makeshift bag,


squeeze the bandana into
a small little ball.


- [indistinct]
Okay.

- What the audience didn't see

is that you never put the
bandana in the fabric at all.


You really kept it hidden
in your left hand.


Remember palming?
[laughter]

Again, remember to keep
your left hand held naturally.


Just relax and look natural.
- [cheerful exhale]

[laughter]

[drum roll]

- And for the grand finish,
lift open the fabric


and receive
your well-deserved applause.


♪ ♪

- ♪ I feel happy ♪

♪ Bop ♪

[cheers and applause]

- It's France!

France!
[laughs]

- ♪ So, so happy ♪

♪ Bop, bop, bop ♪

♪ I feel happy ♪
- Yes!

- ♪ So, so happy ♪

- Yan Markson!

- Thank you.
- Wow!

[cheers and applause]
- Thank you.

- So both your parents
are clowns.

- That's right.
- That's so exciting.

- Yeah.
- Did you go through that phase

where you're, like,
embarrassed by them,

or did you just embrace it?

- No, I didn't know
any different, you know.

I grew up in a circus, so...
- That is--

- I thought that is normal.
I thought these guys are weird.

[laughter]

- So what other skills
did you learn in the circus?

- Skills?
I can walk on a tightrope.

I can walk on my hands...
- That's great.

- I started off being a clown,
doing acrobatics as well.

I'd had way too many injuries,

and realized that there's
a better way to entertain people

without having to
break your bones.

- Oh.
[laughter]

Do you do a backflip,
like, every performance...

- No. [laughs] No, no, no.
- Or just special for us?

- I actually just kinda
thought of that this morning.

Just might as well
do a backflip.

And then when I dropped
that banana,

I was a little bit worried
about the backflip.

I was like--
- Yeah. [laughs]

Yeah.
- Yeah.

- I mean, we've all heard about
the banana peel.

- Yes, that's right,
although that wasn't a peel.

- That could go terribly wrong.
- What people don't know

is it's actually the banana
that's more slippery

than the peel itself.
- Oh, well...

- Yeah, fun fact.
- See?

All right, well, let's check in
with our two clowns...

- [laughs]
- Penn, Teller!

[cheers and applause]

- You know...

one of the things
that's wonderful

about sitting here
and watching these acts

is seeing classic bits
being done.

So we are familiar with
Tom Ogden's version...

- [laughs]
- Of banana-bandana.

Wonderful to bring it up to date
with an app and everything.

Was great at the top,
with the countries,

to see a clear bag for a change.

But I have an idea for you.

I think you should go back
and petition the producers,

and say to the producers
that you think

that not only should
we be able to explain

every little thing and little
bits of code words and so on,

but if we really know
what trick is done,

we should be able to
come up there and do it.

And then you just
stand over to the side,

watch us do the France thing,

watch us do the banana-bandana,

and then both watch us
break our asses

when we try the backflip.
[laughter]

That's what I think
you should go for.

It was such a great act, man.
I loved it.

[cheers and applause]
- Thank you.

- All right--[laughs]

So are you gonna
take their advice

and make them do a backflip?

- No--[laughs]--as much
as I'd like to see that,

I don't want them injured, so...
- True.

- How kind of you.
- Aww.

- Thank you so much.
- Thank you, guys.

- But you do know
that they figured out

how you did the trick?
- Yes, yes, of course.

- Okay...
- It was a wonderful act.

- Well, thank you
for being so entertained.

- Thank you, Alyson.

- Yan Markson,
ladies and gentlemen!

Thank you!
- Thank you.

[cheers and applause]

- More magic coming up,

including an amazing performance
by Penn and Teller.

[jazz music]

♪ ♪

[jazz music]

[cheers and applause]

- Welcome back to "Fool Us."

Our next magician
comes to us from Prague,

so let's Czech him out.

[fireworks explode]

- I'm Ondrej.

I come from Prague,
Czech Republic.


And Prague is
a very magical city,


and since I love magic,
it's a perfect match.

We have a kind of nice
magic community


back in Czech Republic,

but because of communism,

we stopped
for about 30 years or so.


[growling]

I'm trying to bring
world-class magicians to Prague,


because the close contact,

that's what teaches you
the most.


The ultimate question is,

am I going to fool
Penn and Teller?


No, I'm not.

I'm gonna try something else.

[Tchaikovsky's "Dance of
the Sugarplum Fairy" plays]


[cheers and applause]

- Our next performer's name
is so hard to pronounce,

I'm going to introduce him
as though I were Teller.

[laughter, applause]

- Good evening.

Almost every card trick
in the world starts with,

"Pick a card," and ends with,
"Is this your card?"

And Penn and Teller have seen
every one of those.

So I set out on a search
around the world,

looking for someone
who could help me

and give me a fighting chance

of fooling Penn and Teller
here tonight.

After many months,

I finally found my guru.

Hidden away
in the Carpathian Mountains,

who shared an ancient secret
of magic with me

so complex, I confessed

I could not master it.
[record scratch]

But he whispered to me,

"There was one person alive
who could."

Alyson Hannigan.

[cheers and applause]

Alyson,
would you please join me?

- What?

- And Penn, you too.

Right here, please.
- Really? Huh...

I can't even say your name,
and I'm the person? Really?

- Pleasure to meet you.
I'm Ondrej.

- I know, hi, Ondrej.
- Penn...

- Hello, sir, how are you?
Nice to meet you.

- Penn, thank you for helping.

Would you please
shuffle the cards?

- I'll give a try.

- Well, of course,
the cards can be marked,

so I'm gonna be looking away

for the entire
selection procedure.

- Okay.
- And...

while I get lost
in Alyson's eyes...

[laughter]
Penn Jillette, sir, please,

pick a card...
- I sure will.

- But don't show it to anybody.

Make sure you are
the only one who sees it.

- I will.
- But memorize the card.

Also, confirm that
all the cards are different.

Yes?
- Uh, yes, they are.

- Put the card back...

And immediately
shuffle the cards.

- Okay.

- Alyson, it was a pleasure.

I'll look back now.
- Okay.

- Penn, are you happy?

- Uh, yeah, I'm doing all right.

- Thank you so much.
- There you go.

- Well, as I said,

it is impossible for me
to find the card,

but Alyson can do it.
[laughter]

Would you please come here?
- [laughs]

- And put on these headphones.

- Ooh.

- And perform...

the secret card trick
of Carpathia.

[laughter, applause]

[soft instrumental music]

- Okay, let's do it.

♪ ♪

Magic...
[laughter]

♪ ♪

[laughter]
Magic.

[laughs]

- [laughs]

- Penn, what was your card?

- The eight of hearts.

♪ ♪

- Give it up for
Alyson Hannigan!

[cheers and applause]

You were wonderful.
- Ah--[laughs] Aww.

- Fantastic.
- Thank you!

Ondrej Psenicka!

- Do you think you fooled them?
- [laughs] Here's hoping.

I think the flare of
the ring flying off my--

- No, that was great.

- That was pretty awesome,
right?

- That was unexpected.
- [giggles] Yes.

You seem to have a unique
approach to your performances.

- Oh, yes.

You know, I really feel
that a lot of magicians,

they just steal
the focus on them.

"Look what I can do," you know.

"Look how I can
accomplish this."

But I really like when
that goes to the audience,

to the spectator,

so look what you can do, Alyson.

- [giggles]
- That was fantastic.

Wasn't she fantastic,
by the way?

[cheers and applause]

- Thank you.

Aww, thank you.

Well, let's see if Penn
and Teller were impressed.

Penn, Teller...

- Well, we don't wanna
misgive credit.

You're just the vehicle here.

You're just some mountaintop
guru that we're dealing with...

- [laughs]
- And then to Alyson.

You're barely
a catalyst on this.

I don't even know
why I'm looking at you.

But your guru was
very aware of the fact.

The person onstage
has so many things to do,

they can't watch that carefully.

Your guru also knew that,

probably,
if you picked me for this,

that I would know whether I had
a free choice or not,

and I do think
I had a free choice.

And if I didn't, you win.

I also think
those cards are beautiful.

You know, we've looked at
all kinds of cards,

and that's a beautiful deck,
with the little--

are they butterflies
or is it a Rorschach test

and actually my mother
being attacked by a polar bear?

Were those butterflies
in the back of--

- Yes, those are butterflies.
- Very, very pretty deck.

I only got to look at it
for a moment or two.

You got to look at it a lot.

I think looking at that deck
is a great deal of fun for you.

And for Alyson,

I think that the headset
really helped you key in

to what you were gonna do
on that trick, didn't it?

- Maybe.
- Yeah.

I don't wanna give you
any credit,

'cause it was Alyson,

but Alyson, you did
a wonderful, wonderful trick...

- Thank you.

- And I think with what
I've said, you didn't fool us.

What do you think?
- Could you just clarify

what exactly did I see
when you said--

- Yes, we can.

Do you wanna just tell him
in a couple words?

When the going gets tough,
Penn and Teller become Teller.

[laughter]

- All right...

I don't know why Teller's
ignoring me in this.

- Oh!
[cheers and applause]

- I mean, it is my trick,
but okay.

It's fine.

- Oh, now we're gonna
discuss again?

- Oh, do you think
I fooled them?

- Uh, you may have, actually.

- Hm.

Who gets the trophy?

[laughter]

- We have to sketch out
what we think it is.

- Okay, okay.
- It's a little bit too hard

to do it this way, but we think
we've sketched it out here.

- Does it involve the ring?

- No, it does not
involve the ring...

- 'Cause I thought
that was pretty flashy.

- But, Alyson, uh...
[cheers and applause]

You fooled everybody.
- What? Yay!

[fireworks explode]

[cheers and applause]

We fooled them!
- Thank you so much.

- Hey!

Awesome!

[cheers and applause]

[indistinct]

- Thank you.
- Ondrej Psenicka!

Whoo!
- Thank you.

- [giggles]

Well, it's official.

Penn and Teller have been fooled
for the first time tonight.

We just might sneak
another one by them

before the night is over.

Stay with us.

[jazz music]

♪ ♪

[jazz music]

[cheers and applause]

- Welcome back.

One "Fool Us" trophy
has already been awarded,

and we might give out
another one

to this next magician.
Take a look.

[fireworks explode]

- Hi, I'm Glenn Morphew.
I'm from Orland Park, Illinois.

Back when I grew up, my brother
brought a friend home.


His name was Joe.

And he says, "Joe does magic.

Would you guys
like to see some magic?"


He did probably six,
seven tricks,


really good ones.

Pretty much in a trance,

I walked to my bedroom,

got all the money
I had to my name,

which was $26.

So I said, "This is all
the money I have in the world.

"Would you please buy me
whatever I need


"to be able to learn how to do

the kind of things
that you were doing?"


So that was the beginning of it.

I'd do my homework after school,
then I'd be up.


"Mom, Dad, pick a card,
pick a card," you know,

so I'd drive 'em crazy.

The trick I'm gonna
perform tonight,


it's a classic
with an updated handling


and updated presentation,

and I'm really looking forward
to performing.

[cheers and applause]

- Please welcome
the deep-dish magic

of Chicago's Glenn Morphew!

[cheers and applause]
- Thank you.

Alyson, could you do me a favor
and come on over here?

I'm gonna need your help
for a second.

What I need you to do is just
write your name nice and big

right across the middle
of each of these cards.

And it's important.
I'll tell you why in a second.

- Okay.
- Okay.

I'm exhausted.

I've been spending
every waking moment,

and a lot of moments
I should've been sleeping,

on studying
Dr. Sheldon Cooper's work

on Einstein's
theory of relativity,

as it relates to
teleportation, worm holes,

black holes, mind power,
and optical physics.

And I have to tell ya, this
science stuff is complicated.

So I'm thinking,
rather than discuss it,

I'm gonna demonstrate some of
the things that I've learned.

So the first thing
that's important

is that I want you to see

that there's nothing
in my pocket, okay?

And I had Alyson
sign these cards,

because it's important
that science experiments

are done under test conditions.

So here's the cards
that we're gonna use.

We have the ace, two,

three, four, five,

and the six of hearts.

So the experiment
is basically this:

The cards are gonna teleport
one at a time

from my hand to my pocket.

So right now, the ace is here.

In a second,
it's gonna be over here.

So under the cover
of darkness...

Shoo! The ace goes.
[cheers and applause]

So I now just have
the two, three, four,

five, and the six.

Now for those of you
that aren't that familiar

with teleportation,
basically here's what happens.

The ace had to dematerialize
into its atomic constituents

while it was over here.

Then it rematerialized
over here

in my previously-
to-be-shown-empty pocket.

[cheers and applause]
I know.

[smooth bass music]

I'm thinking as cool as that is,

can you imagine
when people can do this?

I mean, let's say,
for example, I'm the two.

I could be in Vegas one second,

and the next second
I could be over here in,

let's call it Hawaii.

♪ ♪

Aloha.
[cheers and applause]

♪ ♪

We're gonna do something
entirely different

with the three.

I'm gonna take the three,

and I'm gonna trap it
right here against my thigh,

because then I can work it
right through a worm hole

in my pants.

Now this just leaves me
with the four,

the five, and the six.

Now I'll be honest,
it's a lot easier for me

to find these worm holes when
I'm wearing my silk loungewear,

but hey, here's proof
you can find worm holes in wool.

[cheers and applause]

♪ ♪

All right, it's starting
to get interesting.

We've got three down,
three to go.

Now I'm gonna demonstrate
optical physics,

and there's a good chance I'm
the only guy you'll ever meet

that could demonstrate this,

because what I have to do
is move my arm

back and forth so fast,

it just looks like
it's moving super slow.

[laughter]

That's what most people do.
They tend not to believe me,

which kinda ticks me off,
but people start to believe

once they see I just have
the five and the six left.

See, what they fail to realize
is while they were sitting there

thinking, "Yeah, right,
this guy's full of [bleep],"

they missed the moment
when faster

than the human eye can follow,

I slipped the four
into my pocket.

[cheers and applause]

♪ ♪

Now I'm gonna demonstrate
telepathic teleportation,

even though it wears me out.

I have to concentrate,
focus, visualize.

Yes.

And I send the five.

Now in this case,
I didn't send the five

to the right-front pocket.

I figured I'd send it
to the left-rear pocket,

because hey,
I've got a vivid imagination.

[cheers and applause]
Now when I clap...

I send the six to a black hole
somewhere in the universe.

It's gone forever,
but not forgotten.

And I'll be honest,
I sent the six by clapping,

because I figured, hey,

when you get to witness
teleportation,

worm holes, black holes,
mind power, and optical physics,

you should clap,
if not for me,

certainly for Dr. Cooper
and Dr. Einstein,

because without those two guys,

I wouldn't have been able to
show you any of this.

Thank you.
[cheers and applause]

- Glenn Morphew, everyone!

Wow...

Whoa.

I don't know how you did that.
- [laughs]

- I wonder if they do.
[laughter]

How long have you been
doing this?

- This particular trick...
- Yeah.

- I put together
about two and a half years ago.

- Wow, and then
when you get the call,

"Like, okay,
you're coming on the show,"

did you immediately know
you wanted to do this trick?

- Yeah, yeah, this is one--
it's a classic.

It used to be, as a magician
in the 1900s

up to the 1930s, 40s,
everybody did this trick.

And how you were judged
was how well you did the trick.

- I mean, obviously,
you say it's that old,

so they've clearly
seen it before.

- They've seen versions of it.
- Right.

- They haven't seen this one.
- Oh, good.

All right,
well, let's see what they think.

Boys?

- The idea of a tough guy,

who's also a learned gentleman,

is just a wonderful thing
to see onstage.

- Oh.
- It's a beautiful character.

The way you carried it
is just gorgeous.

It's a classic of magic,
cards to pocket,

which we've seen
a zillion times,

but you had the cards signed.

You had Alyson sign
each and every card,

which gives the impression
that she examined 'em,

you know, 'cause she signs 'em.
- Mm-hm.

- You know, she signs 'em,
makes it all on the up and up.

And then the routine,

we've been going through it
and dissecting it

with notes and notes and notes.

You do our favorite thing
in magic,

the thing that has to
be done in magic,

which is, you're repeating
the exact same thing

over and over again,

and you never do it
the same way twice.

So every time
you do the next trick,

it cancels out the trick before.

You're always cancelling.

Obviously, everybody--

there's palming
going on in this,

but it is such good palming,

and always when the people
think it's not.

Every time we think
you got it palmed,

you're flashing that you're not.

It's in very sneaky places.
No one saw that.

Wonderful,
wonderful sleight of hand.

Sometimes, one card
is going into the pocket,

sometimes two.

Sometimes, you have
cards here that look like

more than they are,

but it moves across
and cancels it.

We think--with all those steps,

we think we kinda
sorta followed it,

but boy, did we love it.
It was just great in every step.

[cheers and applause]
Do I have to, uh--

- So are you convinced

that they know
all your tricks?

- Well, I think
they've been studying

Dr. Sheldon Cooper's work too.

[laughter]

- Ladies and gentlemen,
Glenn Morphew!

- Thank you so much.
Thank you.

[cheers and applause]

- Back with
the best magic on TV.

More "Fool Us" after this.

[jazz music]

♪ ♪

[jazz music]

[cheers and applause]

- Penn and Teller
have been performing

thousands of tricks
in front of millions of people,

and they show no signs
of slowing down.

Here to close out
tonight's show,

Penn and Teller!

[cheers and applause]

- There's a Russian saying,

which is,
"Think it; don't say it.

"Say it; don't write it.

Write it; don't be surprised."

And that's used a lot
in computer hacking.

If you have a computer password,

do not write it down.

There's a piece of paper
in this bottle.

Now we need someone
in the audience,

no kidding,
who's willing to give up

his or her real
computer password,

a real computer password
that they've used.

Not a jive one, not a silly one,

but a real computer password.

Okay, you're willing
to give up your real password?

Come up here, yeah.
Right up here.

You fool.
Right up here, yeah.

If I knew your name,

there's some sort of
social phishing I could do,

so I'm not gonna use your name.

I'm gonna call you
Edward Snowden, okay?

[laughter]
Right over here, Snowden.

Now you see, there's a piece
of paper in that bottle.

You can see one
or two characters on it,

but you can't read
the whole thing.

That seems pretty safe.

It seems like that written down,

you wouldn't be able to
figure it out,

but once you write
something down,

by the techniques of
surveillance in our country,

and also by magic techniques,

someone can figure it out.

I'm gonna take this
and put it right here,

and Teller's gonna raise it up.

Now there's about 500 of you
in the audience.

I don't wanna pick
one of you to do this,

but decide among yourselves.

You can draw straws,
or do rock, paper, scissors,

but pick one person
in the audience

to stare at that bottle
for the whole trick, okay?

[laughter]
It'll be important,

while the rest of us
are watching this trick.

Now you said you would give up
your real password, okay.

We only want eight digits.

Is your password
longer than eight digits?

- No, I have one that's eight.
- Eight characters?

- Yes.
- Okay.

Give us your eight character
password

right here, Snowden,
would you please?

- Capital S.
- Capital S.

- I.
- I.

- Lowercase I. [giggles]
- Okay, there you go, I.

- Lowercase O.

- O.
- E.

- E.
- Lowercase V.

- Okay, good.

- E.

R.

- One.
- One.

How do you pronounce that?

- Sio-ever-one.
[chuckles] Yeah.

- Sio-ever-one.
Now this is not, as you know,

a perfect password,

because in here you have
the word "ever," right?

Which could be searched,
which would you give you

only these other four
to figure out.

So we're gonna replace
three of the characters here.

You pick which three
of the characters

in your real password
you want to replace.

- I's and the E's.
- The I

and the E's--
and the two E's

we'll take out right there.

Now that'll make us
an unbreakable password.

We're gonna replace
two of those with numbers,

and the only way we get
random numbers in Vegas

is with tumbling dice.
Here you go.

Throw these back to me
right now, would you please?

Just throw 'em back.
Bounce 'em around,

throw 'em right back up here.

Tumbling dice, right up here.

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.

And Snowden,
I don't wanna even touch these.

I want you to see
I'm doing it all fair.

What number is that, Snowden?

- Six.
- That's a six.

Where would you like
that six to go?

Which one do you want to
replace?

The last E?

- Yes.
- The six right there.

And this one
way over here, Snowden.

Watch me,
so I'm doing nothing tricky.

I'm picking this up;
I'm leaning it forward.

What number is that, Snowden?

- A three.
- A three right there.

Okay, and where do you want
that three to go, Snowden?

- In the front.

- Three right there.

Now we need a mark
of punctuation, okay.

Any sort of mark of punctuation,

a question mark,
quotation marks, anything.

I'm gonna pick--well, I just
quoted the Rolling Stones.

You're wearing a "Sticky
Fingers" T-shirt right there.

Give me any mark
of punctuation you want.

- Question mark.
- A question mark, he says.

We'll put the question mark
right there.

Now there's our unbreakable
password.

S-3-o-?-v-6-r-1.

That's a pretty good,
pretty deep password.

Now if you need a quick
down and dirty password,

one of the things you can use
is your porn name...

[laughter]
The name you use

when you do pornographic videos.

And the way you generate
your porn name is very easy.

Your first name,
your given name,

is the name of a pet you had
when you were a child.

And the last name, the surname,

is the name of
the street you grew up on.

You can generate
really quickly that way,

remember it really quickly,
and it's pretty hard to break.

For instance, in my case,
when I was a child,

we had a kitty-cat
by the name of Ron,

and we grew up on Jeremy Street.

So that's the way
you would generate

your porn name, just like that.

Now, Snowden,
I want you to come over here.

Take this piece
of plastic with me,

and take that side
that says "stage right."

Hold that in your left hand,
if you would, please,

your left hand,

and kind of center it
under there.

Now someone in
the audience tonight

has been staring at that bottle.

It just went up and down.

Nothing else changed.

Watch this carefully, Snowden.
Watch it very, very carefully

through the plastic, Snowden.

[glass shatters]

Now, Snowden,
I don't need to tell you

that Teller is
one of the finest

sleight of hand artists
in the world.

I do a little magic myself.

Also, I play upright bebop bass,

and I'm a juggler.

Let me ask you
something, Snowden,

are you a brain surgeon?
- No.

- Okay, you have
the least to lose.

Reach into the broken glass...
[laughter]

Right there.

Big white piece of paper there.

Pull that out there, Snowden.

Now I want you
to see this, Snowden.

My hands are empty.

With me...

open that out,

and you take that side

and put it right over
your old password,

and we'll see
the unbreakable password.

S-3-o-?-v-6-r-1.

[cheers and applause]

That's your new password.
Totally unbreakable.

Thank you so much.

Edward Snowden!

American hero right there.
[cheers and applause]

- Ah!

This is Vegas, so you know
we could go all night,

but CW has cut us off,

so rest up and come back
for more "Fool Us" next week.

See ya soon.

[cheers and applause]