06x07 - Great Meatballs of Fire

[bunniefuu]

I was dancing.

Next thing I knew,
I was getting arrested.

You do another one
and you get arrested, dee,

You're gonna be crying
your a*s off.

"Let's make it official."

Hearts are breaking
across the country right now.

Situation
is off the market.

I want, like, kids,
marriage, relationship,

Puppy, house.

I need to know
where we are.

You should just have
your summer and do your thing.

I work too hard for what I have
to jeopardize it.

Dj pauly delvecchio!

I'm going
to jersey shore, b*tch!

All right,
we got a situation.

I'm the sweetest b*tch
you'll ever meet.

After I have sex with a guy,
I will rip their heads off.

Go, vinny!
Go, vinny!

You like the boobs?

♪ Do something crazy ♪

Roger, I live with you.
We have a house together.

No, you don't.
You move...

And we've been together
two years!

Every couple months, you move
away for months at a time...

Two years!

So you really live
with your friends

More than you live with me.

It's two years.

I don't wanna throw it
down the toilet.

If I lost roger,

I'd feel like a big chunk
of me is gone.

I found someone
that I feel like

I could spend
the rest of my life with.

You know, I've told you
a million times.

Stay out of it
when guys are fighting.

Stay out of it.

You wanna act all hard,
all tough.

You're not hard,
and you're not tough.

I never acted like that,
but I'm going go...

If I feel like I should go
after you to stop you,

Then that's how I feel.

I can't change
the fact that I feel like that.

How did that work out,
stopping me?

How'd that work out?
Obviously it didn't.

It never does.

I'm done with the club scene
with you.

I'm done with that.

I'm not coming out
to the clubs with you, jenni.

I'm not doing it anymore.

Are you gonna continue
being with me?

I'm not breaking up
with you, jenni.

I'm not breaking up
with you.

I don't know
if we're okay.

I just know
we're communicating.

Cool. So I can see you
tonight, right?

No.
Why not?

You can make fun of my foot.
This'll be good.

I don't know.
I'll call you later.

Maybe.
I don't know.

You just made me smile.

I'm hoping that me and roger
can move past it.

Sometimes you really have
to go through the bad sh*t

To become a strong couple.

And I hope what happened here
is really gonna make us

Stronger than we ever were.

All right.
All right.

Love you.
See ya.

Bye.
Bye.

I was like, four summers,
and I know how she acts.

And all of a sudden-
switched it up a little?

She switched the game up
on me.

Like, almost
like you get the title...

And she's like,

"Time for the sex
on the regular, son.

What up, though?"
And I was like...

She didn't say,
"what up, though?"

But that's, like-
you ready?

Oh, so you got turned on?
I just...

It was a little bit,

Because I knew her
for four summers,

And it just caught me
off guard.

It's only day one.
I'm gonna stick it out.

It's only day one.
I'm gonna stick it out.

I'm gonna stick it out.
It's only day one.

Already you're f*cking ready
to jump ship?

You're pulling 'chute
already?

Wow.
Are you really?

No! I said
I'm gonna stick it out.

I just was unprepared.

She was a little bit
more outgoing than normal,

You know what I mean?

She just-
you know what I'm saying?

She was being a girlfriend.
Yeah.

The four summers
that I known her,

She would speak
when spoken to, and...

She would obey
is what you were saying.

I didn't mean it like that.

I didn't mean it like that.

Bro, I've had sex
that's gonna last longer

Than your relationship.

The fact that mike's saying that
he's trying to stick it out,

It's only been one day,
I'm just like...

Bro, you've been through rehab.

I mean, I think you can get
through a relationship.

Hi.
What up?

Hi, how are you?
Hello.

How are you?
What up? What up?

Danny, I heard
you have a present for me.

So I got you
a little something different

For today's uniform
for you to wear.

This is awesome.
What the f*ck is going on?

Yes!
I got you a jumpsuit.

Really?
Yes.

Really, danny?

It's a little too soon to be
making jokes about my arrest.

This is too big on me.
Did you get a men's one?

But I like to have fun.
I like dress-up.

So I rocked it with pride.

Does this even look
fashionable?

When are you gonna
pull 'chute, bro?

I will say
that I don't like to be caged

Or confined.

Most... Most dogs don't.

But I'm gonna
make this work.

All it is,
is a f*cking title now.

And she's checking up on me
a little bit more... That's all.

Normally, I'd pull the 'chute
immediately.

But it's only been one day
that me and paula are going out,

So I'm trying here.

There is, like,
one or two things

That bother me about her
a little bit,

But I can fix that.

It's like these little,
little things, you know.

What?

What I'm talking about
is easily fixed.

You know, you go to the dentist
or whatever.

You know what I'm saying?
He fixes things.

It can be easily fixed.

What, you don't like
her teeth?

No, I didn't say that.
I just said that, like...

You know what I'm saying?

He's saying,

"I'm gonna get her
an appointment to the dentist."

No, I'm just saying I can
spruce her up a little bit.

Paula is a natural 8.2.

Like, she's got a pretty face.
She looks good naked.

All she needs
is a little fixing up.

You can always just
put a bag over her head, mike.

No!
f*ck, bro.

You know, a girl should be
spoiled and have nice things.

I have no problem
sending her to the store

With some... For some clothes.

Mike just thinks
he just bought himself a doll.

I don't think treating
a girl like a princess

Means making her
into your life-size barbie doll.

You take them
for whatever they have.

I guarantee you,
once I spruce her up,

She's gonna bounce on me.

Once I spruce her up
a little bit.

Oh, sh*t, shh.
Here she comes.

What the...?

f*ck.

Oh, sh*t.

What's the odds
of that happening?

She's never come by
the shore store.

Oh, hey!
Hi!

What up, girl?
What's going on?

How are you?
Look at you.

What up?

He's gonna be freaked out
she came here.

What are you doing tonight?

We're having
a little girls' day.

For real?
Oh, okay.

Go do that, then.
All right.

Okay, cool.
Go do your thing.

He's gonna jump ship.
Yeah, he is.

He's gonna pull 'chute.

All right?
All righty.

All right.
Well, have fun at work.

All right.
Bye.

Bye.
Bye.

I feel like paula
is a little too comfortable.

And when you're
a little too comfortable

In a relationship,

Sooner than later,
you don't have a relationship.

You got a calendar?

We're gonna have a pool
in the store.

It's gonna be called
the paula pool

To see
when you're pulling 'chute.

Who's got a blank piece
of paper?

Yeah, right there.

I got ten days.

I give it...

Until the week
before he leaves.

Poor girl.

She didn't know
what she was in for.

Who wants in on this?

Big money, big money.

Yo, mike!
You want in on this bet?

No. I want nothing to do
with that.

You sure?

I want nothing to do
with that.

All right.

So f*ck you!

f*cking as*h*le. No!
Stop already.

f*ck you!
You have no idea how I feel.

Can we go?
Mm-hmm.

Cool.

Bye, babe!
Let's go.

You want me to drive,
or you wanna drive?

You can drive.

Yo, what are we gonna do
to deena?

Something good.

Deena is like the b*stard
little stepsister of this house.

Deena's just funny to prank,

So we just constantly
bust her ba*ls.

Hmm.

Maybe we can do some...

Can we put our faces
in there?

Yeah, replace these pi-
can we go to...

Let's go to a photo booth.

Take these same pictures.

Put 'em in here
and then hide the pictures.

That's exactly
what we're doing.

The pictures
is all she has of chris

When he's not in this house.

So, if we remove those pictures
and put our pictures,

She's gonna be super pissed.

Prank w*r champions!

Oh, right here-
photos.

We wanna reenact
these photos,

So we go to this photo booth
right next to the shore store,

And we take
every single picture.

Computerized voice:
three... Two... One...

Prank w*r champions!
Prank w*r champions!

Yes!

We're k*lling it,

The pictures
come out hysterical.

And I cannot wait
to see deena's reaction.

All right,
we gotta blow these up.

We print them out,
but they're just too small.

So now we take these photos
to old time photo,

And then old time photo
blows them up for us

So they're exact size
of deena's pictures,

And then we replace them
in the frame.

This is a great prank.

Where do I put the ice-
in the freezer?

Yeah, put it
in the freezer.

Are both escalades there?

Are they?

f*ck.

The girls usually take, like,
ten hours to run one errand,

But today, like,
the girls did their errands

In, like, three seconds.

Can we put 'em, like,
right behind that wood?

f*cking dickheads.

If she's in the shower,
we'll come back out and get 'em.

Busted!
Where's my pictures?

What are you doing
in my room?

Looking for my pictures.
I didn't take your pictures.

Deena is very easy
to distract,

So that's what we have going
in our favor right now.

I mean, you can, like, you know,
get a laser pointer,

Put it on the ground,
and deena will be distracted.

What pictures?

Come on.
What pictures?

What are you doing
going through my stuff?

Looking for my pictures.

That's cool.

Oh, yeah.

The-

I don't want them!

What do you mean?
What do you mean?

What happened?

Nobody touched your pictures.
What are you talking about?

I think it looks better.
No!

You don't like it?
No!

It's like a montage
of you and me.

You better leave that sh*t.
Hell, yeah.

So where's the pictures?

Prank w*r champions
strike again.

What time is it, ron?
It's 5:00 somewhere.

Ready to go?
Let's do this.

Bye, guys.

Don't get arrested.
See you in a little bit.

All right, let's go.
All right.

Here we go.
Here we go.

Let's do it.

Let's go play
on the boardwalk.

That's three.
Oh, four!

Can I have the little turtle?

And can we have a funnel?

Beachcomber.
Let's go.

I'll take a shot.

I'm feeling nice.

Yeah, you're feel-
you're looking like...

Feeling great.

Oh, crab!

This is smitty.
Here, take the crab.

We'll take your crabs.
What?

Not the first time
you said that.

No, I never had crabs.

I don't do sex
with randoms...

Only chris.

But now I'm in a relationship,
and I love chris.

And I would never hurt chris.

But we have good sex,
so I don't care.

He's the only guy
that ever made me orgasm, ron.

The drunker deena gets,

The more she talks
about herself.

I never orgasmed till him.

Yep. It's crazy.

That's when you know
it's real.

Here she goes
talking about her sex life.

I'm like...
"Oh, my god."

Yeah, I never wanna hear that
conversation ever again, please.

All right.

We're gonna take
that conversation,

Put it in that little box,

And never open that box up
ever...

Ever, ever, ever, ever, ever,
ever, ever again.

Only guy
that ever made me orgasm.

He cares if I orgasm.

If I don't orgasm, he's mad.
He's like, "really?"

Now put it in the box.

If an extremely hot girl
wants to bounce up and down

On my lap
for one song or two,

Not a big deal to me.

♪ Give me the signal,
give me the go ♪

♪ Blackout, blackout ♪

♪ T-turn the lights out,
lights out ♪

Feeling great.

I'm not going in the street,
I promise.

I'm a little bit scared
of cops right now.

After getting arrested,

I'm a little bit,
like, paranoid.

Can I ask you
a quick question?

Oh, my god.
Uh-oh.

Here we go again.

As long as I'm
on the boardwalk, I'm all good?

You can-
you can do whatever you want.

Can I hug you?

So I'm okay
on the boardwalk.

Yeah, you're fine.
All right.

You're fine on the boardwalk...
I just wanna make sure

Because I don't wanna
get arrested again.

That scared
the sh*t out of me.

Let's go dance and stuff
and have a good time.

I just wanna dance.

So I'm like,
"all right, let's go home.

"Let's get ready for karma,
and let's keep it going.

Let's rally."

See, this is
what a meatball is.

I'm bombed right now.
I can't wait to go to the club.

I am drunk.
I am drunk.

Good-bye.

They don't call me
"the blast in a glass"

For nothing.

So we all decide
to go to karma,

And I'm gonna
try it out again.

And plus, I feel like everyone
wants to hang out with me.

Hello.
Are you bombed?

f*cking bombed.

I love her to death,

But if she talks
about herself anymore,

I'm gonna f*cking...

Tell her.

♪ ♪

It's hard being fresh.

Hey, mike!

Cabs are here!

Let's go.

Yo, stay away from them.

Hey!
Joey!

Oh, my god.

I see my best friend, joey,
and then I look more,

And I see anise
and courtney and jay...

Oh, my god!

And basically all my closest
friends on long island.

Are you happy?
Are you happy we came?

Yeah!

I can't believe roger
did this for me.

It's just such
a great feeling.

I knew there was no way
he wouldn't be able

To hang out with me
for the rest of the summer.

I'm so glad I decided
to dress up.

Where's jionni?

There he is.

What's up, man?
Hey, amigo!

How ya doin'?
How ya feelin'?

I got bigger.

I feel like I haven't seen
jionni in, like, a year,

And it's only been,
like, a week.

And I just miss his face.

I just want
to spend time with him.

I want to cook you dinner
at my place.

You're gonna cook me dinner?

And if it tastes like sh*t,
you have to tell me.

I can't tell you
if it tastes like sh*t.

Be honest with me.

Hi!

Ohh!

♪ ♪

I'm danielle.
Nice to meet you.

Where's mike?

Mike is not acting like
he has a girlfriend right now.

He is going out
looking for chicks,

And you can't do that sh*t
when you have a girlfriend.

Show your abs!

It's probably not
a positive sign

When you're going out
with a girl

And you are contemplating
other options.

You guys staying here tonight
or going home?

We're staying here.
We're on m street.

So mike right now

Is getting a little cozy
with a paula look-alike.

I knew this was gonna happen.

♪ We're sunstruck,
no room for dumb luck ♪

♪ She's not my lady tonight ♪

♪ We're ravens
of the night prowling ♪

♪ Howling with the wind ♪

♪ And, yes,
we're moving in ♪

I am sitting here,
minding my own business,

And if a extremely hot girl

Wants to bounce
up and down on my lap

For one song or two,
not a big deal to me.

♪ Give me the signal,
give me the go ♪

♪ ♪

If paula saw
this situation right now,

She would be definitely
upset, crying,

And just the same way
that mike would feel

If paula was out
grinding on dudes.

♪ Give me the signal,
give me the go ♪

Hey, mike,
I'm friends with paula.

Can I talk to you
for a second?

Paula loves the f*cking sh*t
out of you, dude.

Loves your family,
loves everything about you.

You know that.

This is a f*cking girl
that you, like,

Don't want to f*ck.

You know what I mean, dude?

Right now
this guy's talking to me,

And I'm like,
"damn, I'm caught!"

Paula's like,
"oh, yeah, we made it official."

What did you see?

What did you see?
I didn't do anything.

Apparently paula has a number
of spies after me tonight.

I didn't hook up with anybody.

Is deena there?

She's on the boardwalk
right now.

Well, you know what?
I have news for you.

I will be down there.
Okay.

And I know
no one's gonna stop me

Because she
is not gonna wind up

In the same situation
she was last week.

♪ ♪

Hey, mike,
I'm friends with paula.

What's up?

Paula loves the f*cking sh*t
out of you, dude.

Loves your family.
Loves everything about you.

You know that.

This is a f*cking girl
that you, like,

Don't want to f*ck,
you know what I mean, dude?

I'm allow... I'm allowed
to go to the clubs, right?

You know what I'm saying?

She goes,
"oh, you know,

Let everybody know,
me and him today are official."

Just giving you a heads-up.
That was, like, an hour ago.

All right, thank you.
Thank you.

Thank you.

What the f*ck?

This guy comes right up
to my face, and he was like,

"I know you made it official
with paula."

And I'm like, "you shouldn't
be coming up to me right now.

Go get some girls."

Yeah!
Whoo!

♪ ♪

I saw that.

I'm smiling,
having a good time.

And then I look to my right,
and there's whitney.

Paula's friend-
I'm caught.

I didn't do anything.

Yo, I didn't do anything.

What did you see?

What did you see?
I didn't do anything.

Apparently paula has a number
of spies after me tonight.

I didn't hook up
with anybody.

You know.
You know.

Whitney i.d.'D me.

Whitney. Whitney.

Technically,
I didn't do anything.

Technically.

That's right.
You just fell like this.

Oh, stop, stop, stop.

I saw!

We didn't see you hook up.

Exactly.

Let's go.

Hey, yo, let's go.

Bye.

All right, thank you.
See you, all right?

I could pretty much take home
any girl that I please,

But, um, I'm not
gonna cross that line.

And, uh, I do like
flirting with disaster,

But I'm going home
by myself tonight.

Really?

Ron, you have my clutch?

Yeah, I got
your f*cking clutch.

You're my best guy friend.

Ron is my best guy friend.

I'm the best every guy friend
in this house.

Me and ron
had a great time today.

Except he said that you talked
about yourself all day long.

Yeah, you talk too much
about yourself, dee.

No, I don't.
Yeah, you do.

So I'm like mike.

You're, like,
way about "i, i, i, i."

And I'm like,
"I can't take this anymore."

Me too.

Ron says
I talk about myself,

And I'm like,
"this is me.

"I've been like this
for how many houses?

Like, I can't be myself
in front of you people?"

I didn't know
I was all about myself, ronnie.

No, get away from me.

Oh, my god.

I felt like me and ron
had such a good day,

And, like, why do you
have to be a d*ck now

And, like, ruin it for me?

Why are you
so sensitive, dee?

No, because I didn't think
I was doing that today.

Deena, I'm not
getting mad at you.

I just said what you did.

I had a great time today.

Don't go to bed mad, dee.

But it hurts my feelings.

But... Come on.

Don't be grumpy.

Why are you grumpy?

Deena's crying
because meatball day is over.

She's so mad
because, like, you know,

It's everything about you.

Ronnie, I hear you
talking about me.

I'm telling you,
you tostito'd.

You know I do that,
so who cares?

I didn't know
you did that that much.

All right, so that's my life.
That's what I do.

I'm not mad.
Yo, dee, I'm not mad. Relax.

Then don't hang out
with me.

What are you so mad about?

All right, so what?
That's...

We had a good day,
but that's what you

Have to bring it back to?
We had a great day.

We had so much fun today,

But "deena
talks about herself."

Like, that's what's shitty.

That's what's shitty
about this f*cking house,

To be honest with you.

I hate this f*cking house!

Stop.

I f*cking hate it!
I wanna go home!

O.m.g.!

I think it would be a miracle

If i, you know, got through
this whole cooking experience

Without burning down
the house.

When the f*ck
did I get here?

Deena is on
a two-day meatball bender,

And she is obliviated
right now.

Yo, she is not coming
to karma tonight.

No, I don't think so.

Hello?
Mike.

Hey, what's up?

Hey. I haven't talked to you
in a day. How are you?

Good.
What are you up to?

I just woke up
a little while ago.

I tried calling you last night,
but you weren't home.

Well, did you, um-
I told whitney.

I saw whitney at karma
last night.

Yeah, she said,
"he talked to me last night."

Yeah, yeah, I spoke to her
a couple times

Throughout the night.

Last night I was grinding
on all types of chicks,

And I feel like
I'm caught right now.

She said you were saying
good things. I'm like, "yay."

No, i-i-
it's very hard to say

Anything bad about you,
you know what I mean?

As for...

I mean...
Aw.

All right, so I'll either
see you in a little bit

Or call you in a little bit
or whatever.

Okay, bye, babe.
Bye.

That is a success
in the situation's book.

Oh, hey, deena.

What up, deena?
Better today?

You good today?

I wake up this morning,
I give ron a hug

'Cause I'm like, "I was drunk-
we were stupid arguing."

He's like my brother.

I got to eat.
You guys ready to go?

We're leaving.

We going to aztec?
Yeah.

Up in here?
Yeah, right here.

I'm gonna get
a coffee.

I don't think
you can grind on chicks

When you have a girlfriend.
No, I know you can't.

Yeah, I know, i-
I just found out.

Yeah.

Oh, god, a stalker.


Yep.

Yo, your stalker
is there, bro.

You got that right.

f*ck,
she stays on your eyes

Until you catch her.
Yeah.

That's very f*cked up.
That's what she does.

I never seen anything
like it in my life,

But she gives you
this blank stare,

Tilts her head,
and just stares at you.

I can't look in that direction
without her looking

Directly into my eyes.

My god!

As soon
as she sees you look up,

Like, it's not like
she's looking away.

It's just f*cking awkward.

She's just like this.
She's got this, though.

Her eyes
are piercing me, son.

Could I have a hemorrhoid?

I have, like, a swollen butthole
from pooping so much.

Is it bleeding?
Blech!

No. Sorry.
I had to tell somebody.

I want to make sure
it's all right.

I'm ready to go.

Today the guys want
to go gtl.

I'm not in the mood to gtl.
I want to do my own thing.

So I decide to go
hang out with the girls.

Let's go, h*s.
Do you have, like, ointment?

Can we stop talking
about her a*s crack, please?

It really hurts.

We're gonna go to ej's.
Ej's...

This is where it happens.

And I can run wild there,
and no one even cares.

Can I buy you a shot?
Sure.

All: cheers.
Jersey shore! Whoo!

Oh, my god,
I forgot eggs.

What the f*ck?
Where's the flame?

I'm really excited
to cook for jionni,

Just because I want
to impress him.

It's not looking good.

This is serious. Like, this
is gonna be my husband.

I actually want to do
a good job.

Oh, my god.
sh*t.

Oh, no.
It's burnt.

This is gonna be bad.

This is the scariest
f*cking thing I've ever done.

The oil's burning and whatever,
so I decide to call my dad.

Oh, my god!
It's smoky!

Hello?

Dad, my place is, like,
burning down right now.

You're what?

And all of a sudden,
the room starts, you know,

Being filled with smoke.

Hello?

O.m.g.!

I think it would be a miracle

If i, you know, got through
this whole cooking experience

Without burning down
the house.

So you put the garlic
in the oil,

And then you put
the tomato sauce over it?

Put a little oil
in the pan.

What is that?

Are they-
are they whole tomatoes,

Or are they all in chunks?

All right, I have to go.
Bye.

This is the worst day
of my life.

Ow!
f*ck!

Ow!

Ow!

Ugh!

What time is it?
I have to shower.

It's only 8:00.


I have to go home
and shower.

I'm not trying
to go home right now.

I'm not going home.
I have to shower.

Why? Just get
your f*cking clothes on.

No. I'm not a dirt,
like you.

Say something back.

And she gets-
I don't care.

She said,
"I don't care. I'm a dirt."

I'm want to get out of here.

I'm not deena's mom.
I'm her good friend.

And when deena tells me

She doesn't want to come home
with me,

I'm not gonna force her
to come home.

If you want to stay out
and be a meatball,

You've done it before.
You can do it again.

Will you smoke a cigarette
with me?

Of course.

Right now I'm kind of
meatballing it by myself.

But it's all right

Because meatballs can hang
by themselves.

We kind of wander
on our own anyway.

Cheers to you.

Hello?
Hi. Is deena there?

No, she's on the boardwalk
right now.

Is she causing havoc
out there?

Um...

She's having fun.

But is she... She's not drunk
having fun, is she, sam?

Um...

Yes.

She's not as drunk
as she was sunday, was she?

Um...

Deena!

I don't think so.

I'm a little upset here.
Okay.

If she's drunk
and she's by herself...

Nobody could have dragged her
back in the house?

She wouldn't come.
Okay, well, you know what?

I have news for you.

I will be down there.
Okay.

And I know
no one's gonna stop me

Because she is not
gonna wind up

In the same situation
she was last week.

All right.

So tell her
she better call me,

Because if she's that drunk,
she's gonna be seeing me,

And so is everybody else.

I'll have her call you
as soon as she gets back here.

Okay. Thanks, sam.
All right.

Bye.
Bye.

Oh, awkward.

Like, I actually feel bad now
for leaving dee

On the boardwalk
by herself.

Maybe that wasn't
a good idea.

I gotta move this.
For 35...

I just peed.

Oh, god.

No!
f*ck you!

You have no idea
how I feel.

You have no idea how I feel.

All right,
so go home, deena.

f*ck you!

Poop!
Did you see my balloon?

Thanks, babe.
Hi, babe.

Wow, it smells so good
in here.

No, it doesn't.
Stop lying.

I swear.

Whoa!
Looks awesome.

Can we eat?
I'm scared.

Babe, it's horrible.
I'm not even kidding.

Let's start with the salad.

All right.
Is this first course?

Yeah. Ooh!
Jionni...

He is very excited to try it
and eat it,

But deep down inside,
I know he's gonna hate it.

What's on the menu?

Holy sh*t ba*ls.
Whoa!

They look awesome.

This is amazing.
I'm not kidding.

You didn't try it yet.

What's the second meal...

The macaroni
or the chicken cutlet?

Whatever you want
to throw up first.

Babe, why you...

Jionni, I tried it.

You try it first?
Yeah.

I'm really embarrassed.

Oh, god.

That's mine?

Babe!

Really good.

No, it's not.

Nicole, I swear to god
it's good.

No, it's not.

Nicole-
you made that throw-up face.

I saw it.
No, I didn't.

That's not my throw-up face.

I feel like he's lying.

Oh, god.

I feel so bad for you.
Ooh!

I told you.

What's wrong with it?
Are you kidding?

Babe, it's really good.

He's not gagging.

He didn't collapse
and die on the floor.

And he actually said
it doesn't taste that bad...

That it tastes good,
he actually said,

Which surprised me,

Because I thought
it tasted like sh*t.

Nicole, I'm not kidding.

There's enough macaroni
for 35...

I gotta move this.

For 35...

I just peed.
Oh, god.

Could we go one dinner
without you peeing?

I gave myself, my...

Not doin' anything bad.

I don't wanna get arrested.

Home, home.

Where is everybody?

This blows.

This blows.

Hello?
Who is this?

Mom?
What are you doing?

Mom, I'm drunk.
All right.

So you didn't learn
your lesson.

What?
I didn't get arrested.

Can I tell you something?

You can go to jail
for that arrest you had!

Why are you mad?

Why am I mad?
Why are you getting this drunk?

No one else
is getting drunk like that.

How come you have
to get drunk like that?

Why do you have to be nasty?

Why am I nasty?
Do you understand?

It's not only you
it reflects on,

It reflects on me
and your father!

And you have no idea
what you're doing

To your reputation
by doing this.

And then you go out
on the boardwalk

And get f*cking drunk again?

I'm fine.
You're not fine, deena.

Who are you trying
to bullshit?

You're drunk out of your face.

I know you.
I know when you're smashed.

Whoa. And I'm not gonna
just sit by

And have you drunk
on the boardwalk

Making a fool out of yourself!
Okay?

I'm coming down to get you.

No, please don't come
and get me.

It's done.

Pack your f*cking bags.
I'm coming to get you.

All right. Bye.

I haven't heard my mom
this pissed off

In a very long time.

She's gonna come
and pick me up,

Which is, like, cool.

This sucks.

I'm going home.
Why would you go home?

'Cause she wants me.

So you're gonna go home?
That's what she wants.

She's coming to get you?
Mm-hmm.

Don't go home.
Put this back.

Why would you leave?
No, I'm going home.

Don't go home.
There's nothing I can do.

♪ When you think
about the way it is ♪

♪ You'll cry a little ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I will take you out again ♪

♪ And I will never
let you go home ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Hey ♪

You're wearing that tonight?
Yeah.

I don't really
know what to do.

Am I leaving?

I feel like my mom's really
disappointed in me right now.

Maybe she could be right
wanting to take me home.

Am I leaving?

No, you're not.
I'm leaving.

Why?
Just hang out.

Yeah, we're gonna go out.
No, I can't have her come.

I definitely feel confused
right now.

I'm like, "am I staying?
Am I going?

Is she really
coming down here?"

I don't know
what's going on.

Hello?
Hi.

I won't go home!

Can you promise me
you're not gonna be

Getting this drunk anymore?

I can't promise you that.

Why?
I don't understand that.

'Cause right now
I'm drunk.

You don't have to drink...

Not that much.
It's so stupid.

Why can't you have one
or two drinks social?

Then I want to go home.
I want to go home, then.

Okay, dee, we're coming now.

♪ Never pick your place
'cause you wanted to ♪

I think
she feels embarrassed,

And that's why
she wants to go home.

What the f*ck?
This is hot.

♪ ♪

Do you want to go
to karma?

Oh, sh*t,
she's really knocked out.

How did I get here?

Damn! Yo!

That was like wake and bake.

I don't even know
when I got here.

When the f*ck
did I get here?

Deena is
on a two-day meatball bender,

And she is obliviated
right now.

Yo, she is not coming
to karma tonight.

No, I don't think-
I don't think so.

I'm coming to karma.
No, you're not.

You need to take
the night off, girl.

No.
Punch out. Go to bed.

I just need to go
have fun.

I've seen deena
pretty wasted before,

But I don't know if I've ever
seen deena this wasted.

Deena's not coming, right?
Yeah, I don't think so.

Really? She tapped out?
I can come out.

Dee, you're not going.

You need to sleep it off.
Yeah, I'm going home.

Oh, bye.

Every day you want
to go home,

Crying over
the same damn reason.

You need
to make up your mind.

It's like, you either want
to be here, or you don't.

I want you to come get me.

I'm not coming to get you.
I gotta wake up tomorrow.

I'll come get you tomorrow.

I want to go home.

Yo, I'll help you pack, dee.

You want to go home?

Bye-bye!
All right, bro!

I'm not happy.

And I thought I was
a little unstable.

Everybody's kind of,
like, laughing

And think this is a joke now
because we've heard this

Over and over and over again.

And the next day,
dee forgets it,

And she's, like, happy again.

So it's kind of like,
is she being for real,

Or is this a joke?

I need to go home.
I'm so sick of everybody.

Can you please come tonight?
I want to go home tonight.

They think it's a joke.
They think I'm, like...

They think
I'm f*cking f*cked up.

No, but I need to go home.

Ronnie, stop.

But I can't,

'Cause she was so happy
f*cking two hours ago.

I'll come get you tomorrow.

They're so f*cking annoying.
I need to go home.

Deena, I can't.
Don't be selfish.

All right, bye.

No, you guys are
so f*cked up.

You guys make fun of it
like it's a f*cking joke.

I don't feel good.

What don't you feel good
about, dee?

No, then just
leave it alone!

Because you're crying
for no reason, dee.

No, it's not.
Yes, you are.

I want to go home.
Why do you want to go home?

You were just so happy
two hours ago with me and sam.

No, I want to go home.

Now you want to go home?
Don't make fun of me.

I'm not-
because enough is enough.

You don't know how I feel,
ronnie!

You don't know
how I f*cking feel... At all!

You have no idea
how I feel.

So f*ck you,
f*cking as*h*le!

No, f*ck you!
Yeah.

You have no idea how I feel.

You have no idea
how I feel.

All right,
so go home, deena.