03x11 - Gym, Tan, Find Out Who Sammi Is Texting

[bunniefuu]

I went spray tanning naked today.

So am I going to get all orange later?

I haven't seen roger for a while,

and I was just- ooh, excited to see him.

He's so cute.

Hi, sam.

Aah! What the hell?

You look happy. Yeah, I am.

Guess what. Sammi's back.

[Inhales through teeth] uhh.

So single sammi or...?

Yes. Good.

I'd rather have nothing with you

than have everything and be by myself.

Ronnie is reformed.

I love being with him now just because he's happy

and he's different.

[Laughs]

[get crazy by lmfao]

dj pauly delvecchio!

I'm going to the jersey shore, b*tch!

All right, we got a situation.

I'm the sweetest b*tch you'll ever meet.

[Laughing]

after I have sex with a guy I will rip their heads off.

Go vinny! Go vinny!

You like the boobs?

[Rock music]

♪ ♪

Sure you know how to drive?

I think. I tried it once.

♪ ♪

Yeah, buddy. All right, y'all.

We're officially in staten island.

[Claps] yeah, buddy.

Sing the song. I love that island.

Sing the song. ♪ I'm going to staten island ♪

♪ I'm going to staten island ♪

♪ I'm going to staten island ♪

vinny asks me to go with him to staten island,

which is great.

Um, I've never been to staten island,

and I'm really curious to see what it's like.

And, um, I love vinny's family.

♪ I'm going to staten island ♪

♪ it's an actual island ♪

♪ it's an actual island ♪

I did not know staten island was an actual island

until we went over the bridge.

♪ ♪

What... What- what are you doing?

Nails, gtl.

You're gonna go get nails done?

I gotta get out of this house.

You could get an eyebrow.

I'm gonna get a pedicure.

[Door slams]

aha! I found somebody.

The rest of the house left the situation,

but I got lean cuisine,

and we're going to take over this whole house.

Want a dorito?

We have mastered the breakout.

You ready? Go.

I broke lean cuisine out

and made it look like he broke out.

Oh, yeah. Oh, it just looks like they jumped on it.

Boom! Break the gate.

Don't worry. I won't tell anybody.

Grab that pizza. It's right there.

You want me to help you get to that?

Ooh, a little pizza. A little bit. Oh, sh*t!

It looks like you're having pizza for lunch.

I'm coming in, sneakin' some serious amenities.

Guess what I got for you.

I get some peanut butter.

A little peanut butter.

He wants peanut butter. I can speak to them.

Fluff time.

The big one likes fluff.

You always gotta have a little fluff with peanut butter.

They love me.

See, you bribe these guys with peanut butter and fluff,

they'll do anything for you.

Now I can sit back and watch the master plan and soup.

[Lively music]

[horn honking]

♪ ♪

Hello. Ah, it's so nice to see you.

Aw. [Laughs]

♪ and all I need is your smile ♪

ah, he's here. How are you?

This is cousin joe.

How are you doing? Nice to meet you.

What is with that haircut, man?

Bride of frankenstein ain't got nothing on you.

[Laughter]

I love vinny's family.

They're like my own family. Old school italian.

It looks like a guido circus.

Chachi needs a haircut.

I know. You can barely see her face, right?

You know we have two dogs now like that?

At the house?

Yeah, they're jenni's. Yeah, jenni's dogs.

Jenni's dogs, yeah. No way!

They're pretty well behaved too.

I thought they were gonna be...

Sometimes they go

to the bathroom or whatever, but...

Yeah. Piss right on the rug.

Oh, hell yeah. Yeah.

These b*stards are running rampant.

The master plan is going down.

Uh-oh. Oh!

Hell yeah!

You're taking a sh*t right in pauly's room.

Right in... Oh! Right in pauly's room!

Pauly and vinny are not gonna be happy about that one.

[Laughs]

oh, sh*t.

Want a piece of bread, salami?

I want to try a piece of that.

Go ahead, go ahead.

My uncle's pizzeria.

In jersey? Amazing.

That's where this is from?

Amazing.

They have so much food.

It started off with pizza,

and then we got into, like, the pasta.

Chicken cutlets, mashed potatoes.

We have potato salad. We have eggplant.

Corn. So much food.

Joe, joe! Give me some of that romaine salad.

Romaine. Romaine.

He's on the other end. Sorry, pauly.

I don't want to get it in your hair

because I know it's gonna be damn hard to get it out.

[Laughter]

oh, h*!

You ain't gonna leave here with no empty stomach,

that's for sure.

You won't need to eat for three days.

Oh, yeah. Take a sh*t over there too.

Wow. You guys are doing a great job.

Takin' care of business, guys. Keep it up.

Maybe if I play like I'm sleeping upstairs.

The dogs got out.

[Laughs]

all right, we gotta go. Yeah.

Aw, vin! That was good.

That was good food.

Tell everybody we said hello. We send our regards.

Seriously, you know what I mean?

I will.

Wish the whole crew would be here.

They're all good kids.

You say good-bye to everybody, vin?

To see my family is the best feeling in the world.

Hey, paul. Take care.

The dinner was amazing.

Uncle nino telling jokes, of course.

I miss those things.

I'll say good-bye to you again.

Bye. Take care.

See you, guys.

[Horn honks]

bye, kids! Bye, vinny!

Love you! See you later, vin!

[Rock music]

♪ ♪

Don't worry, lean cuisine. Nobody's here yet.

You watch the back, I'll watch the front.

All right? Go back there.

♪ ♪

[Barking]

what?

Something smells like poop.

[Groans] is that poop right there?

We get home, and the stench is so bad.

Is that pee? Is it on my bed?

And there's piss and sh*t everywhere around the house.

It's disgusting. Jenni!

There's poop here.

There's poop over here.

I can't deal with dog poop.

What'd you have, a field day

pooping all over the house?

I don't get it.

[Laughs] is there poop on the rug?

[Laughs]

don't worry, I won't say nothin'.

It was probably mike.

Yeah, he smells- she smells like mike.

Tell me this doesn't smell like mike's cologne.

Right? Okay.

It's definitely mike. Yep. It smells just like him.

Evidence!

What, did you let the dogs ruin the house?

No, no. I was sleeping the whole time.

You didn't let 'em out? No, what happened?

I was sleeping most of the- I wasn't... I wasn't...

Thought maybe you let 'em out.

Those dogs are, like, roaming the house.

Poop, peeing everywhere.

Oh, sh*t. For real?

Lean cuisine was running rampant?

Both of them. sh*t.

Juice box and lean cuisine.

Thought you let them out. No, that's crazy.

Me and lean cuisine, don't mess with us!

[Lean cuisine barks]

[rock music]

♪ ♪

Boys! Hello, girls and ronnie.

How was it? Good.

Why are you so quiet? I don't know.

Are we just staying home tonight?

[Laughs] you're going out?

Are you f*cking kidding me? Thank god.

What kind of question is that?

What's everyone wearing tonight?

No idea. Black dress.

I'm getting it in.

♪ ♪

Cabs are here! Cabs happen to be here.

♪ ♪

Straight to the bar.

♪ ♪

[Club music]

♪ ♪

Yo, there's some dope girls here right now.

♪ ♪

So I met this guy at karma.

I have no idea what the f*ck his name is,

but he looks like pauly.

How old are you?

.

What's your last name?

Stefano.

It ends in a vowel?

Yeah. "O." Okay.

Whoever I have babies with, he's got to be italian,

because the last name needs to have a vowel on it.

And I want my kids' last name to have a vowel on it

and be tan, obviously.

♪ I've been watching you ♪

♪ working, working your body ♪

♪ let's flaunt it ♪

♪ I've been watching you ♪

♪ burning, waiting to tell me you want it ♪

♪ let's get in it ♪

♪ look at your body screaming you want it ♪

♪ once we're in it ♪

♪ we're gonna be changing just like the climate ♪

you're drunk.

I don't care.

Kiss me when you're not drunk.

No, no. I'll do it whenever.

♪ ♪

I thought sam was, like, done with ron.

Here we go again.

Come on, let's go.

You want to go?

Are you okay? Well, we're going.

If you want to go, let's go.

Vinny. Yeah, see you, pal.

See you later, bro. I'll see you next week.

Bye.

[Pop music]

♪ the moon weighs heavy in the sky ♪

♪ they want to see what you will do ♪

♪ they are so jealous of you ♪

watch it. Watch it.

♪ The day is yours... ♪ I'm good.

[Shrieks] uh-oh.

Ow!

Am I bleeding?

You need a first aid kit.

Aah!

Are you all right, baby girl?

No. Are you sure?

No, I'm not all right.

I love ron, but I was drunk

and I let my guard down.

I'm very confused and I don't know what to do.

What did I do to you?

You walked out.

I stood here, you walked out.

How come you didn't chase me?

It was better for you.

Obviously I love you that much

that it was better for you.

I had to get away from you.

You're better, right?

[Pop music]

♪ ♪

♪ Eyes burn so defiantly ♪

♪ we run from every chance you give me ♪

♪ here in your bed, we never... ♪

Little alcohol pads. [Laughs] ow! Ow!

What, do you think you're a f*ck' doctor?

I'm pretty pleased with the way

nick took care of me tonight with my knee,

and for that, he's getting it in.

Lay the f*ck down

and lay with crocadilly.

I can't trust ron in general

after everything that I've been through.

I'm not ready to be in a relationship again.

It's too soon.

♪ ♪

♪ You know I'm not a sl*ve ♪

♪ to you ♪

♪ ♪

Is that roger?

[Horn honks] oh, he's doing the dip.

All: oh!

I had like a small problem

when you did the dip on us.

I don't know, I guess I'm done for right now.

Call me back if you want to explain yourself. Bye.

Fire in the hole!

One little water balloon incident,

and then a w*r breaks out.

Oh, hey, dude. [Gasps]

hey, you guys have a good time tanning.

Getting spray tanned?

Oh, I should! Whoa, where are you going?

You're going to get- to tanning?

Tanning. I want to come.

All right, come.

Every day I've been here, my roommates have been

busting my ba*ls about me being so white.

You know, I'm sick of being casper the ghost,

so today, I'm gonna get a spray tan.

Vin, you're gonna get your tan on?

His spray tan on.

I just showered, so I'm exfoliated.

[Laughter]

what the hell's so funny?

No, you're exfoliated. That's good.

What the hell? What's up, guys?

What's going on here?

Yo.

I'm all showered and exfoliated.

Oh, are you ready to go?

Can I get a spray tan? Yeah.

What color you want?

Black.

You want to be really dark or...?

I want to be black. All right.

'Cause I'm gonna make it really dark.

No, I'm kidding.

Ooh, that tickles. [Laughs]

so I'm standing there in my skintight briefs, you know.

I look like a total tool.

And the spray tan is freezing cold.

Aah! It's like ice!

But I know that it's gonna be for a good cause,

and I'm gonna get tan, so you know, pain is beauty.

Oh, my god! I'm a different race!

[Laughs]

the finished product, I looked mint.

I looked like a fist-pumping guido.

It feels good when you have a tan.

You see all the cuts from your muscles more

when you have a tan, and you know what?

I was mint before.

I'm even more mint now that I've got a tan.

Vinny, you look like you belong now.

I know.

Is that roger?

[Honks horn] that's his car?

Is it? [Laughs]

is it? Honk again. [Horn honks]

yeah. He has no f*ck' clue.

He doesn't realize.

Either that or he's with a girl. Uh, I mean...

Oh, my god. Shut up.

Busted big-time, yeah. Busted big-time, yeah.

Busted big-time, yeah. He's such an idiot.

Aw, he's doing the dip. Oh!

[Laughter]

he's doing the ill dip.

As I attempt to pull up to roger's car,

he starts zigzagging away.

We're gonna roll down the window.

All right. And he's going through.

Oh, oh, oh!

Oh, no!

Gone like the wind. What was that about?

The only reason that you're doing dip

from the girl that you just slept with

is 'cause you've got a girl in the car.

I'm done. I don't know how...

You want my honest opinion? That right there looks suspect.

No, that was shady.

Jenni's laughing to the ball busting,

but really, inside, I can see jenni fuming up.

There's smoke coming out of her ears.

She's f*ck' chasing roger down.

I gotta make a call once I get home.

I know. What the f*ck was that?

♪ ♪

Oh, I can't wait for this.

Call him asap so he's not, like,

in the shower or something.

♪ ♪

[Phone line ringing]

what the hell did you do to my friend?

You sprayed your a*s? Yep.

And you c*ck?

He didn't answer?

He's in the shower, maybe.

It sounded like a click-off.

Ew!

[Recorded message] I'll call you back as soon as I can.

All right, so I have, like, a small problem.

I was just behind you on or whatever it's called,

and you did the dip on us, and basically, my roommates said

that, you know, you had a girl in the car.

Don't put it on me, yo. So, uh...

He's bigger than me.

That being said, um, I don't know,

I guess I'm done for right now.

Call me back if you want to explain yourself. Bye.

Wait, what the f*ck just happened?

[Gasps] jenni.

One excuse, I'm out.

Are you serious with me right now

or are you just, like, trying to create a situation

that is completely, like, made up?

Cheers! Cheers!

I'm vinny.

The guys look really good from afar.

Once they come up to our table, they are jacked hideous.

My roommates said that, you know,

you had a girl in the car,

so that being said, uh, um, I don't know.

I guess I'm done for right now.

Call me back if you want to explain yourself.

Wait, what the f*ck just happened?

Really, jenni? Are you sure it was him?

I know % it's him.

There was no girl in the car.

I would have followed his a*s. [Laughs]

jenni, you shouldn't have left a message like that, though.

Then he should have answered me

and not did the click on me too.

Exactly.

And he should have answered her phone call just now

'cause I know he's seen the number.

But he was probably in the shower.

He just got out of the gym.

I'm so upset right now. [Laughs]

yo, he's probably getting that message right now.

I would have been like, "yo, what?

I was with my grandmother. She's dy..."

I mean, so he's gonna make some mad, good excuse. Watch.

I know. I'm going warm up the grill.

Yo, do that and, um, I'll get the salad started.

This corn is gonna be so good.

[Laughs]

stop touching me.

Don't touch me, I'm tan.

Where were you? Committing suicide.

Busted big time. Yeah!

I want to hear the explanation.

He didn't call back. He's not gonna call back.

What are the chances of him not seeing us?

I don't think there was a girl in the car.

I think he was coming home from the gym.

I don't understand why he was trying to be, like,

cool, suave, and, like, do the dip.

I don't understand.

I know he said he had

an appointment with pedro, like, : or :.

Well, maybe that's why he didn't answer his phone.

'Cause he was getting a haircut.

See, jen? Oh, no!

See? Idiot!

And you left him a nasty message.

Roger, really sorry about that last message.

I'm having a bad day. Um...

Yo, roger, you don't call me back and get your a*s beat.

You don't call me back...

Vinny, mike, pauly: get your a*s beat.

You don't call me back, get your a*s beat.

Get your a*s beat, get your a*s beat, get your a*s beat.

[Laughter] I hate you all.

That sucks.

[Guitar music]

I didn't know we were getting our flying utensils out.

Bro, look at this kite. I want to fly it.

Don't even f*ck' think about it.

I want to fly my helicopter.

Yo, that's a big kite you've got there, bro.

Wow, deena. Are they up there?

Water balloons now.

Yes!

We have water balloons upstairs.

When fireworks start to go off,

we'll just start spraying them

and chasing them upstairs.

We're gonna get these guys hardcore

with these water balloons.

Hit ron! Oops!

Look at these wieners right here.

What do they got? Water balloons.

[Laughter]

what an idiot.

f*ck' thing exploded in her hand.

Do we have any more?

Yo, let's b*mb the girls with water balloons.

You want to?

We'll just b*mb away.

Let's go get more balloons and let's just have a w*r.

I... Oh, sh*t! [Laughter]

all right, when they come back out,

somebody needs to sneak down somehow and lock 'em in.

Where is vinny?

Vinny's hiding because he just got spray tanned.

Go. Oh, no.

Aah! Red team, go! Plan "b"!

Plan "b"! Plan "b"! Plan "b"!

Oh, no. What did we just start?

I need to take cover.

Fire in the hole! Fire in the hole!

Aah! Red team, go!

Red team, go! Red team, go!

Aah!

[Shrieks] oh!

Those f*ck' hurt!

Aw! Red team, go!

Red team, go!

[Whooping]

retreat, retreat! Retreat!

I'm a f*ck' girl.

We're delicate princesses,

and you shouldn't be throwing water balloons at us like that.

So I would watch out, boys, because you know what?

I am gonna come after you.

You gotta move quick, girl.

You fill, I'll tie.

One little water balloon incident,

and then a w*r breaks out.

Oh, hey, d. Hi.

Hey, blast. [Gasps]

yeah, buddy!

That's the way we do it, girl. Get it.

Get up there, d. Let's go.

Uh-oh.

Get the bag, get the bag.

Aah! Aah! Oh!

No! Stop!

O'doyle rules!

Truce? It's over? It's ove... Oh! Oh!

Everything seems to, like, be okay with me and ron.

We're both, like, having a lot of fun

just taking it day by day.

[Phone quacks]

hello. Hey, is jenni there?

Who's calling? Roger.

Yeah. Sure. Hold on one second.

Jenni? Yeah.

Roger. Oh, h* h*! No.

A long story, and I actually feel

like a really f*ck' big as*h*le right now.

What the hell was that message you left me?

I pulled up next to you on route ,

and my roommates were saying

that they saw a girl in the car with you,

and I really got upset.

I got to the gym at, like, :, all right?

By myself. And I left by myself.

I had five minutes to make it to the barbershop.

So where the f*ck do I pick up a girl in five minutes?

Are you serious with me right now?

Are you just, like, trying to, like,

create a situation that is completely,

like, just made up or what?

Because you know it's not true. Sorry. I apologize.

I feel like an as*h*le and...

Can you give me a little room to breathe,

like, from now on?

All right. All right?

Good night, baby. Good night.

I thought in the beginning with roger,

he'd be, like, a rebound.

Someone just to, like, have fun with.

But I'm really developing feelings for the kid.

♪ Gotta make it work, girl, 'cause you're my world ♪

♪ my days ain't the same when you're not there ♪

get your a*s over here, girl.

We need to talk. Tell us.

I'm an as*h*le. At least he knows you care.

I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

I don't know either. [Laughter]

♪ ♪

I think we should work things out.

I do love you.

But I'm scared.

Arvin is an old friend of mine.

He's like, "hey, mike, I'm supposed to meet sam here."

What? She was like, "meet me here."

Sammi, caught you, you sneaky b*tch.

♪ Oh, baby girl ♪

♪ oh, baby boy ♪

♪ please be worth it ♪

♪ oh, no ♪

♪ 'cause I think I'm strong enough to last ♪

♪ I think that I'm strong enough to make it ♪

are you packing here? Come on.

I miss you.

I think we should work things out.

Why?

'Cause we love each other.

We've been through everything and can get through everything.

I've changed, you've changed.

I feel happy you feel happy.

I like the person that you've been.

So if we continue to be those people,

I think we could be together and do it.

Like, in my head, I'm like, I love ron.

This past week, I've, like,

fell really hard for ron again,

so why would I want to walk away from that?

You're my best friend.

We both know that.

And I do love you.

But I'm scared.

Then you don't want to do this, then?

I need to know.

I do, but I'm scared.

Okay, so we don't have to be together.

We'll be working things out. Okay.

Let me prove to you that I'm not the same person.

I can do that.

♪ I promise I will give you more ♪

♪ than I gave before ♪

♪ just let me ♪

♪ make it round ♪

come outside with me? Yeah.

♪ I swear that I see the change ♪

♪ I'm starting to feel my age ♪

♪ and I don't know if it's my fault or yours ♪

you made out with ron? Mm-hmm.

Did you? What's up with that?

I wanted to.

So what's up with that?

I think, since being here,

like, for the past week,

I just see, like, a major difference.

It doesn't mean anything, but I started, like...

He asked me if I wanted to work on things.

I was like, "yeah."

I love him, and we could work on things

and see, you know, if he changes

and if he really has changed.

Sam is breaking right now.

She's been so strong,

and she's having so much fun with the girls,

and now she's waiting for ron.

But still be fun sammi.

I... That's one thing that I still, like...

That's what I'm worried about.

No, I'm so- I told him this.

I'm still living in that room with you guys.

I want to keep it separate.

Do I think they're gonna end up

probably arguing and fighting?

Back to the same sh*t? Of course.

It's the same sh*t, different toilet

for ron and sam.

Let's go, let's go, let's go.

Yo, let's roll out. Cab's here.

Peace.

♪ I like parties ♪

I can't believe we're really doing this.

♪ I like your friends ♪

today, we're gonna go to jenkinson's.

It has a little bit of a boardwalk

and I'm really excited to get out of seaside

and try something different.

I can't wait. I love jenks.

[Rock music]

♪ ♪

Man, let's do the batting cages.

Can we do that? Yeah, yeah.

Oh, a tip on the bat, huh? [Groans]

cheers! Cheers!

So we get to jenks, and right away,

it's gorilla central.

♪ ♪

Take your glasses off.

[Needle scratching record] okay.

What? Oh, nothing.

My theory on jenks...

The guys look really good from afar,

but once they come up to our table,

they are jacked hideous.

See you later. Toodles.

It reminds me of the aquarium next door to jenks,

where it's just good to look at 'em.

The moment you tap on the glass and make them come to you,

it freaks you out.

We're gonna meet a penguin.

Oh, I want to meet the penguin.

We're gonna meet a penguin. Isn't that exciting?

Well, this is dancer. [Gasps]

oh, my god.

Can I pet him? I wanna pet him.

Now, boys and girls,

what kind of animal is a penguin?

What kind of animal?

What kind of animal? Mammal?

A bird? A bird! Good job! Yeah!

Oh, my god.

We're all like, "mammal"? We need to go back to school.

I... That's what I thought.

Roller coaster?

[Voices overlapping]

house of cards, let's go to it.

♪ Then it's off ♪

♪ I'm mesmerized, I'm mesmerized ♪

♪ I'm mesmerized come as no surprise ♪

♪ I'm mesmerized ♪

what time should we be ready tonight?

I don't know.

What am I gonna wear tonight?

What's on your face? Where?

Like, three red dots. Oh. I broke out.

I got the sh*t for that, man.

Yeah? You want it? Come here.

I have the best face wash ever.

And all types of masks and sh*t.

Mike washes his face a lot.

He's, like, obsessed with cleaning his face

and his facial cleansers.

I have so many face washes, it's crazy.

I think it's a little girly, but it's his thing.

I'd probably go with this one.

This is real serious roommate care right here.

I kind of hooked snooks up with a little facial.

Nothing wrong with a roommate

hooking his female roommate up with a facial.

Aah! My eyeball!

Let me just finish the mask and you go outside

'cause it's got to dry anyway.

Oh, my god. I look like a pale freak.

I feel like vinny.

I can't move my mouth.

Ten minutes, you'll be good.

I don't want to look in any mirrors.

What that hell? She looks like the crow.

Snooki is the darkest girl in the house,

so to see snooki white, she looks like a mime.

Vinny, pull on the rope.

Now there's a glass window in front of you.

You can't get in. You're trying, you're trying.

You got it. There you go.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We started yelling out things to snooki.

Like, "get in the box," "pull the rope."

[Bleep] me off. [Laughter]

we're going to the circus tomorrow.

It takes me minutes to do my hair.

The plan for tonight is going to karma.

The taxis are here.

Cabs are here.

Let's go.

♪ Step on it, it, it, it ♪

♪ if you got it, got to step on it ♪

♪ it, it, it ♪

♪ yes, I got it and I step on it ♪

♪ hey, hey, hey ♪

yo, it's good to see you, man.

I haven't see you in a while, bro.

Real good to see you.

I run into my boy arvin.

He looks like a jacked-up guido macgyver.

What's new? Where's samantha?

What? Where's samantha?

Is she here? She's around here.

As soon as I seen him at the club,

he's like, "yo, where's sammi?"

And I was like, "where's sammi?"

Right off the bat, I was like,

I want to know about this.

[Overlapping chatter]

she was hitting me up.

She was like, "meet me here." What?

Is she with ron tonight? Yeah?

What?

Holy sh*t. Are you serious right now?

Here's the texts.

I will f*cking go confront

that guy arvin and mike together.

So let's go. Let's go.

Arvin's my friend from school.

I don't give a f*ck. I want to see it.

Gtf- gym, tanning,

find out who sam is texting behind ronnie's back.

Hello.

[Club music]

♪ ♪

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Arvin is an old friend of mine.

Sammi hit me up last week. What?

She was like, "meet me here." Yeah?

Is she with ron tonight? What?

He's like, "hey, mike, I'm supposed to meet sam here."

You're not lying to me, are you?

'Cause that's serious.

Holy sh*t.

He's like, "sam has been contacting me

to meet her and hang out with her."

As soon as she left the house.

So when ron is crying on my shoulder,

good old sammi, the sweetest b*tch you ever met,

is calling another dude.

Pure evidence of treachery I've just seen.

Sammi, caught you, you sneaky b*tch.

In order to make this not biased...

When you get a chance, I really need to speak to you.

I brought the evidence to jenni.

Sammi sweetheart, the sweetest b*tch you ever met,

she's been texting him, like, every day.

Like, "what up," you know?

I mean, "I want to see you. Meet me here."

This, that, and the other thing.

Oh! No.

Yes. Wait, wait, wait.

She went home. She gave you a call.

Like, did you see her when she was gone for the couple of days?

No, but she'd been telling him

to meet up with her on his phone.

He showed me. Can I see?

Aah! [Laughs]

yo, do you want to get the other dudes in this

so everybody knows?

[Laughs]

come on, alex. No, arvin.

Sorry. We've got to find our other roommates real quick.

He comes here, and he's like,

"yo, I'm supposed to meet sam here."

What? That's crazy.

You're caught! Busted!

Really? Are you lying?

I came here to meet up with her.

He came here to meet up with her.

He came here to meet up with her.

Yo, I don't believe that. Boo, I've seen it.

I'm very close to him, but at the same point,

I'm friends with ron, so I'm definitely gonna tell ron.

You know what I'm saying?

It's guy code to tell ron

and it's girl code to tell sam.

I'm gonna talk to sam. Let me talk to sam.

♪ Fasten up your seat belt ♪

♪ get ready for the takeoff ♪

♪ it's gonna be a bumpy ride ♪

I want to talk to you alone right now.

Yeah.

Well, I definitely want sam to know

what's going on before ron finds out first.

What's the guy you've been texting?

I don't text anybody.

What's his name? Arvin?

Well, mike is coming up to us,

showing us all these text messages

saying that you did...

Did what?

You texted him to come here tonight and all this sh*t.

No, I didn't. No, I didn't. No, I didn't.

I just want to tell you right now.

Don't get mad at us.

Ron is going to freak out. This is gonna be bad.

What's going on?

I want to know everything that's going on right now.

Okay.

Mike pulled me aside

and said there is this guy named arvin.

He said, while you left, that you hit him up

and you were like, "I want to see you."

And it shows in the bbm.

With your picture and everything.

I will f*cking go confront that guy arvin

and mike together.

So let's go, let's go. Do it. Let's go. Find him.

Because let me tell you something.

Arvin's my friend from home.

I don't give a f*ck. I want to see it.

But... But stop. Don't touch me. Let's go.

I want to see it. Don't touch me.

The first time I'm hearing about arvin,

I'm just like, you know, something's going on.

Let's go. Prove it.

You're my friend. Yeah.

That's it. So?

That's fine. I'm gonna go to the bathroom.

No, stop, stop.

I gotta go to the bathroom.

Stop! f*cking d*ck, look at me!

Enough! Stop touching me.

Stop touching me. I need you to know this!

I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine.

Quit following me.

Stop following me! I have to go to the bathroom! f*cking...

You hit the guy up. The guy comes to meet you at karma.

I mean, you know, it's like, little things

are just gonna set my mind to believe

that you're- you're being sneaky.

We're finished. We're done. Really!

Have fun with the girls.

I didn't f*cking call no girls while you were gone.

I had every chance on thursday

to bring the f*ck' hottest girl in the club home,

and I f*ck' didn't.

And I was crying like a little b*tch over f*ck' you!

Really? Me too! Me too! You obviously weren't.

You were hitting up f*ck' arvin!

Me too! f*ck' stupid b*stard.

The thing that's making me mad

is the fact that sam went home,

and a day later, she hits up some guy.

Listen, ron is freaking out.

I didn't do anything.

I know.

Good-bye!

Whoa, whoa, whoa. I didn't do sh*t.

You started sh*t.

You got caught. I didn't get caught!

Listen, listen, I don't care, all right?

I don't care. I want nothing to do with you.

I didn't do sh*t. You started sh*t.

No, no, no, no, no. You got caught.

You were supposed to meet him here.

Listen, you got caught, and you know what? Bye.

I didn't. Bye! f*ck you. Have a great life.

You're shady. f*ck you.

f*ck you. You still hit him up.

You're a shady person.

Little do we know, it's not -.

Sam was always up one. Hello.

I'm gonna sit on the couch, get some popcorn,

and watch this f*ck' movie.

[Rock music]

♪ ♪

You started sh*t.

No, no, no, no, no. You got caught.

You got caught. What?

You were supposed to meet him here.

Listen, you got caught, and you know what? Bye.

I didn't. Bye! f*ck you. Have a great life.

I need a lighter. f*ck.

What the f*ck just happened?

Arvin is not your friend. No, he's not.

Arvin is a d*ck.

I knew mike before I knew arvin.

I think sam's dogging ron.

Until we get the facts straight,

you know, it looks pretty bad on sam's part.

Let's get out of here, bro.

[Club music]

♪ ♪

No grenades!

Yo, mike, what's for dinner right now?

I'm making me a peanut butter and fluff.

Dog, I want to know what really went down.

Yo, in order for me

not to look like I was starting sh*t,

I ran and got jenni and snooki.

I'm like, "yo, you need to talk to this kid."

And then he showed them the phone,

to make it look like I wasn't starting sh*t.

Not you. Yeah.

I don't want them to think that, hey,

I'm f*ck' starting drama.

I'm just saying, hey, this is what happened.

You were just trying to air it out.

Yeah, I'm airing it out. You get... Blast it out.

Yo, bottom line is, you're looking out for ronnie

by doing that.

Yo, she's gonna come in this door,

screaming like a b*tch.

f*ck that. It's over. You got caught.

Yeah, but she didn't just get caught, bro.

Red handed. Gtf. Gym, tanning,

find out who sam is texting behind ronnie's back.

Hello.

Yo, she said, "he's my friend."

Oh, god. It's her friend? Oh!

That's what she said. That's a good cop-out.

Good cop-out. Good for her.

But I'm not buying it. You?

No, no.

Gti. Gym, tanning, I'm not buying it.

[Laughs]

it's funny, 'cause, like,

ronnie was always in the wrong.

Everyone knew that.

No one knew that sam was doing it the whole time.

Every time she finds out something, she gets mad,

she's over it, they smush, they're back together. Bang!

On it, poppin'. -.

Little do we know, it's not -.

Sam was always up one. Hello.

And it's like, you know what?

Let me get this m*therf*cker back.

How's everything today? Good?

Then you got to think if sam, if...

Hate to bother you. Know you're busy.

If jenni and snooks knew.

I'm gonna sit on the couch, get some popcorn,

and watch this f*ck' movie.

World w*r iii, yeah. Oh, yeah. Busted, yeah.

We got no popcorn, though. Oh, sh*t.

♪ I've been here before ♪

♪ and it looks like I'm here again ♪

♪ ♪

So, what, nothing? It sucks.

It's like when you pay for a pay-per-view fight

and like, the guy f*ck' gets knocked out in a second.

Shady, shady aftermath.

Yo, what time's the party start?

I think mike is the shadiest person

in this f*ck' house.

How 'bout that one? Really?

I think you're the shadiest person, if you're...

I think you're f*ck' shady.

You're the shadiest person.

You're grimy and you're two-faced.

Yo, uh, I am not two-faced.

If you're texting another dude,

you're obviously doing something that you...

You know that me and arvin are cool, like friends.

Actually, he came up to me and said,

"mike, I'm supposed to see sam. Where is she?"

I'm like, "you're supposed to see sam?"

He goes, "yeah." That's what he said.

You need to get a life and stop worrying

about other people's sh*t.

Listen, um, it's called boy code,

and I'm sticking up for ron.

Really? Why? Yeah.

Because if somebody comes up to me and says,

"yo, I'm supposed to meet sam tonight."

I go, "really?" He goes, "yeah.

She's been texting me for the whatever it...

You know what? Bullshit, you're shady.

f*ck you! f*ck you!

You still hit him up. You're a shady person.

That's my friend, you f*cking idiot!

[Rock music]

♪ ♪

I think mike is the shadiest person

in this f*ck' house.

How 'bout that one? Really?

I think you're the shadiest person, if you're...

I think you're f*ck' shady.

You're the shadiest person.

You're grimy and you're two-faced.

We come back home, and sam's just, like,

trying to act like, "I didn't do anything."

And it's like, yo, you got f*ck' caught red-handed.

Your hand was in the f*cking cookie jar.

Like, how are you gonna sit there

with the crumbs on your lip and be like,

"I didn't eat the cookie."

Mike, you're shady as f*ck.

No, don't put it on him for your mistakes.

You still hit him up. Think about it.

He's a friend. Yeah, exactly.

Why isn't he in your f*ck' phone book?

Why haven't you talked to him since you've been here?

Like, seriously, yeah. You're a shady f*ck' person.

No, I'm not. You're not?

Think about it. f*ck' think.

I haven't f*ck' called one girl

since I've f*ck' been here.

I haven't called one guy.

Oh, you hit him up as soon as we f*ck' break up.

Yeah. So f*ck you.

First of all, jenni even was right there.

No, no, stop, stop.

Listen, jenni, you were with me with the dude.

Both you guys were with me. Shut up!

She was with me when I confronted you too, you p*ssy.

Look at you! You got caught!

You got caught!

I sat in this house and I f*ck' cried.

I didn't call one f*ck' girl!

She has the ba*ls to go home and hit up some f*ck' guy?

Why do you think I f*ck' went home?

'Cause of you!

I'm not even gonna listen to this.

Good, don't listen. Don't listen.

Walk away, walk away. Bye.

'Cause that's all you're f*ck' good at.

Don't follow me! Oh, how does it feel?

How does it feel?

Sam is definitely playing ron out.

Ron is calling for roses, crying on my shoulder,

listening to michael bolton.

And she's texting other dudes. Go figure.

You're not walking away. You're not walking away.

Look at me.

You're not wrong for telling him to meet you at karma?

Yeah, to talk to. He's a friend.

You told him to meet you at karma, though?

God!

Dude, it is what it is. I'm not trying to start sh*t.

The dude said he was looking for sam.

Even if you did start sh*t, you're not even wrong.

I'm not wrong. Am I not wrong? I'm not wrong.

You did start sh*t, but you're not wrong.

You're not wrong.

If this relationship continues,

I'll k*ll myself.

Exactly, exactly. That's all I'm saying.

There'll be no more dj.

I will k*ll myself if they're still together.

I will k*ll myself.

I hope they don't get back together,

for the sake of the house.

I can't even get a t-shirt right now.

So why would you tell him to meet you at karma?

I f*ck' didn't!

Come here. So, tonight, you never told me...

You admitted to me- he's a friend!

Girls don't have friends that are guys.

Look at me, look at me. Get the f*ck out of here.

So go home! Go back home!

Go back home and call f*ck' arvin!

Go back home and call f*ck' arvin all you want!

Leave me the f*ck alone! No!

'Cause you don't get it! 'Cause you can't handle it!

You can't handle it! You can't handle it!

I didn't give a f*ck anyway.

Why the f*ck did arvin show up tonight?

I don't know.

As soon as he showed up, he said, "where's sam?"

He's a friend. I don't know.

I didn't tell him to come out tonight.

You didn't tell him to come to karma?

No, i... Not! No! What do you mean, "no"?

Look at me! Let me go!

No!