02x02 - The Hangover

[bunniefuu]

Aah!

We love jersey, but it's freezing out there,

and we're gonna head to the warm weather

in south beach, b*tch.

We're in florida!

Is this us? This is us.

Is anybody here? Hope not.

The b*tch of staten island is back.

Hey. What the...

Angelina. Like, I thought I saw a ghost.

Oh, I love you!

I think angelina made a big mistake leaving last summer.

That's not the issue I have with her.

The issue is, is she talks sh*t behind my back.

I'd go handle that right now.

Doesn't bother me that they're being immature.

You want to go outside right now,

we'll f*cking go right the f*ck outside.

Like, are you kidding me? We're in a cab.

Hi. Oh, my god. Hello.

I'm entering a house with my ex-boyfriend.

I guess the reunion was the breaking point

of our relationship.

You just said you guys are done?

I guess so.

We just ended it.

[House music]

I'm single, you know what I'm saying?

Do whatever I want.

Yeah!

I still, like, am in love with ron and I care about him.

I don't know how he feels about me.

Yeah! That's a good night!

Dj pauly delvecchio!

I'm going to the jersey shore, b*tch!

All right, we got a situation.

I'm the sweetest b*tch you'll ever meet.

[Laughing]

after I have sex with a guy, I will rip their heads off.

Go, vinny! Go, vinny!

Um, hello!

[House music]

♪ ♪

Somebody just grabbed my a*s.

I think it was the situation.

Wow, you got in trouble on your first day.

I did nothing tonight.

I did nothing. Wait. What happened?

You were dancing- you were dancing with...

Yeah, with your girls.

You were not dancing with any of those girls.

Are you serious, bro? Yes.

You gonna do me like that, mike?

Mike, you gonna do me like that, bro?

That's complete disrespect.

I'm sorry, but I feel like I did mad work tonight.

Dude, you did. You did. I did mad work, bro.

You did. You did some work tonight.

I'm proud of you. Are you saying you're proud?

I'm proud of you.

And I'll go sleep with my girl in the bed.

How about that? You know what I'm saying?

Oh.

I'm not hating. Go do it.

How about that one?

How you feeling about yourself?

Do you, baby. Do you.

I'm pauly d, and you're f*cked.

Who said? They don't know.

Oh, they don't know nothing.

They ain't gonna know for a while.

Unless you- unless it comes from you.

I'm not like that, bro. I'm not like that.

Don't even come at- I ain't like that.

It's none of my business.

Ronnie is at the club

hooking up with grenades,

and then he is boasting,

"guess what I'm gonna do right now, dog.

I'm going home, and I'm gonna sleep with sammi too.

What?"

And we're just like, "really?"

Ronnie, man, you in rare form today, dog.

I'm not hating, dog. You had fun tonight.

You had fun tonight. You had fun tonight.

That's good. That's good.

Once sammi finds out that the same night

ronnie was hooking up with all these ugly girls

was the same night that he came home to her

and cuddled in bed,

it is gonna blow up,

and it's gonna- it's gonna be crazy.

I don't know what to say. I'm actually left speechless.

Bro, he's out of control. He's out of control.

That's why I can't even- dude, he's not comprehending.

He's crazy.

The whole sammi-ronnie situation...

[Whistles]

bad situation.

♪ No matter where we go we make it home ♪

♪ we got to lay our head like a rolling stone ♪

♪ and we know it's gonna be okay ♪

♪ no matter where we go we make it home ♪

♪ we got to lay our head like a rolling stone ♪

♪ and we know it's gonna be okay ♪

I'm feeling a little hung over

from last night.

This morning, I woke up, and I'm just like,

what the f*ck?

I didn't even remember how I got into the bed.

I woke up, and I was in the bed,

and I was just like...

All right, I'm home.

Vincent. Vincent.

What happened last night?

Dude, I don't remember anything from last night, bro.

Nothing, bro.

That's what's up.

That's not... [Laughs]

ronnie was twisted last night.

He doesn't remember a thing.

I was twisted too, but I don't think I was that bad.

That's 'cause...

I was drinking the patron, bro.

My name's pauly d.

And, like, ronnie's name is f*cked

'cause of last night.

You don't even understand.

Like, the boys just went out last night kind of.

And we, like, broke away from the girls.

Oh, my god. Ron-ron.

It's so bad. Like, probably...

Yo. I had a snook night.

That's what I had. I had a snooki night.

Like, the next day when snooki woke up

and she was like, "what happened?"

That's how I was this morning.

Sammi has no idea,

and, like, we was creeping hard-core

in the club last night, ronnie and i,

like, we're onstage on a stripper pole.

Sammi has no idea.

He comes home and goes to bed with sammi.

Oh, my god. Did I really?

That's gangsta. Yo, did I really?

Yeah. Ahh.

That's something I would do. That's gangsta.

Oh, man.

So his new name is f*cked,

'cause when that hits the fan...

I'm f*cked.

Ronnie's new nickname now is i.f.f.

I.f.f. Is the I'm f*cked foundation.

He's a client and the president.

I didn't...

I didn't... I didn't three-way kiss anybody, did i?

Yeah.

[Laughs]

that, you definitely did, my dude.

Dude, you're supposed to stop me

when I get like that.

You're supposed to be the mature one.

There's actually no stopping you when you get to that point.

We tried.

No, you didn't.

We did.

If sam finds that I three-way kissed

some girls at the club,

she might get a little mad.

You know what I'm saying?

She might get a little mad at that,

but she really don't have grounds to get mad,

because we're not together.

[Laughs]

hey.

[Laughs] what's up?

What's going on?

Tired. Where is everybody?

I guess everybody's sleeping.

Why'd you guys leave last night?

You don't even remember?

What?

Didn't you guys sleep in the same bed?

Oh, my stomach.

This guy had too many miami vices.

Want to sit here so you can eat?

You were obnoxious.

When? All night.

At the club, you were f*cking obnoxious too.

All night, right?

You fought me. I fought you?

You called me fat. I don't remember that.

Yeah, well.

Last night was a little dramatic and crazy.

You're being a f*cking c**t.

Open the door and f*cking realize it.

Bye. Do you tonight.

I will. I will. Have a great time.

Did you do you last night?

What? No. You told me you were.

I don't remember that.

I don't remember anything.

So I don't remember what we fought about.

Same sh*t. We fight and make up.

Story of our lives.

Who said we made up?

Right now, I just don't know

what he's thinking.

Like, I don't know why he slept in my bed.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I'm never drinking like that again.

You don't remember anything?

Hmm.

Is he all over girls?

No, no, he was just a little out of control.

He was drunk and loud and sh*t.

Vinny, what do you know that I don't know?

I'm not gonna tell sam what I did.

I'm gonna deny, deny, deny.

I'd like to place an order for pickup, please.

What's your name?

Situation. The name?

Yes, that is situation.

Ronnie, he was out of line last night.

It was like his first day out creeping, like...

Who are you talking about?

All of us.

Ronnie. Wait. What?

It was just like- was he all over girls?

No, no, he was just a little out of control.

A little wild, you know. He was drunk and loud.

Vinny, why are you laughing?

What do you know that I don't know?

What a sneaky b*tch? Vince b*tch.

Tell me. I know you know something.

There's nothing. He was just so drunk.

He was a little- he was drunk.

Yup.

To say the least.

[Laughter]

pauly.

I'm ready!

Now I'm aggravated and frustrated.

You know what you need?

A c*ck.

[Phone rings]

hello.

Hi, may I speak to angelina, please?

Angelina is actually still sleeping.

Sleeping? Yeah.

Okay. No problem.

All right. Ronnie!

Let's get the hell out of here.

I didn't do anything wrong

besides coming home and cuddling with her.

Yo, you know, angelina's gonna say something to her.

Try to get on her good side.

That's gonna be the thing that she's gonna use, the tool.

Sammi was eavesdropping on us.

Was she? Yeah.

She's like, "wait. What? Wait. What? Wait. What?

"Wait. What? What'd you say?"

Oh, man, I'm just gonna tell her, I think.

I think that would be the easiest way.

I'm gonna tell her...

I'm gonna lie about the kissing,

but I'm gonna be like, "yeah, I was dancing with girls."

Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

I'll be like, "yo, ask them.

"Angelina's lying about the kissing.

It didn't happen."

No, there was no such thing as kissing.

I'm not gonna tell sam what I did

because I'm not gonna start a w*r.

I'm gonna deny, deny, deny

until angelina says something

and it gets confirmed

and f*cking world w*r iii starts.

If she asks me again, I'm gonna be like,

"yo, I danced with, like, one or two girls.

It wasn't even anything serious."

Where is this place? I see...

I think it's called funky sex store.

Shopping here in miami is, like, cool.

They have different, like, kind of styles than at jersey.

Funky? There it is. Funky, funky.

We went to, like, a tr*nny shop

'cause there was hot, like, club clothes

that, like, you know,

everything tr*nnies would wear.

These are very unique styles, I feel.

Wait. Are these for boobs? I don't know.

I'm gonna- I want to wear this.

[Gasps]

this is the- is this the top?

This is the top, right?

Unless you put your legs through.

The sex shop is perfect.

Perfect, perfect, perfect.

Try it on. I want to see it.

It's my scene, and when I get into my scene,

I get into my clothes.

Let me see. Let me see.

I feel like, one wrong move,

your whole boob's gonna hang out.

Feel like I'm gonna be in a rap video.

Wow.

The glasses are pretty much all crystalled out,

all bling-bling.

But if I get pulled over,

I'm gonna get in trouble for these.

But when you put them on, you can't really see.

So I don't think you can drive with them,

because you'll get a ticket.

Oh, god, how much are the glasses?

You're gonna k*ll me right now.

So I had to get the glasses.

He was like, "$." I was like, "uh."

He was like, "oh, I'll give you a discount."

Yeah, it was $ off.

Thanks.

I got to get out of this sun.

I can't see. You want my glasses?

[Laughs]

damn. Somebody squished my bread.

Who squished my buns?

Tonight we're gonna cook a little bit

of chicken and some steak and possibly some pasta.

Damn, that's strong, that barbecue sauce.

Yeah, right?

Fun night, ronnie?

I don't remember. Neither do you.

No, I don't. I don't remember anything.

Angelina, really... You know, we're not the best of friends.

But, you know, right now, I really can't f*ck with her

because she's got dirt on me.

I don't remember anything.

I don't even know what the f*ck you're talking about.

Exactly.

So are you and her- like, are you guys okay?

Yeah, we're cool.

For now.

Look, I think that, personally, like...

Like, me being your friend,

like, I feel like you should just be single.

Yeah, I know.

Like, it's too much drama with that.

Like, I'm not just saying that

because, like, I don't like her as a person,

like, just, like, in general, you know what I mean?

Especially now, though, in south beach.

See, I still love her. I like her.

Got feelings for her, but you know what I'm saying?

Sometimes it's not the right time.

Oh, perfect.

Watch when you open up that fridge, dude,

that meat don't fall over somebody.

That'd be f*cking funny as hell.

I can't see.

I'm walking blind here.

Did you get me pickles?

Ooh! Oh, my god.

Pick it up. Hold on. Hold on.

Oh, no.

There goes the dinner on the floor.

I didn't do it!

[Laughs]

oh, no!

They got on my slippers.

Snooki just is a walking disaster.

Everywhere she goes, she falls.

Everything she touches drops.

You know, it's not her fault.

She just attracts drama.

I don't feel like cleaning this sh*t.

It's not my fault.

My first thought was,

"I don't want to clean this up."

My second thought was, "I just f*cked up dinner."

My third thought was, "what the f*ck am I gonna eat?"

Mike! What?

Snooki opened the fridge,

and the chicken fell on the floor.

Wow.

What do we do, wash it or something?

They actually left it on the floor

and then called me and said, "what should we do

with the chicken on the floor?"

Pick the sh*t up, dog.

Who did that? Snooki?

Yeah. Snooki did that.

Oh, my god.

It's not my fault

some as*h*le put it on top

of the fridge where, if you open the fridge,

it's gonna fall.

No, no, no, stop with the paper towels.

What do you want me to use?

A rag or something. Don't keep using paper towels.

Snooki cannot clean.

She doesn't know how to f*cking wipe sh*t off of the floor.

I'm teaching you how to be a woman.

If you're gonna be my wife one day...

Yeah.

You got to learn how to at least clean up.

It's called a maid.

Don't lift it up off the ground.

Vinny, do you want to do this?

I'm trying to help you.

I want to ask you something.

Who is caroline in your phone book?

Why are you going through my phone book?

I just feel like maybe ronnie

is, like, mind gaming me a little bit.

So f*ck you, okay, and enjoy your life.

I see you! No!

I can see everything right now.

What? Let me see.

Oh, boobies!

Snook, we're making progress, I think.

So we're all hanging out, not really doing anything.

Tan line. Damn, that's miami, baby.

Next thing you know, like, I'm sitting at the phone.

I was looking at the phone books,

and I'm like, "oh, let me check out ron's."

I open up his book, and I see the name caroline,

who is ronnie's ex-girlfriend.

Weird.

I want to ask you something.

Who is caroline in your phone book?

What happened? Who is caroline?

Why are you going through my phone book?

I just want to ask you one thing.

I don't understand- listen to me.

I just feel like maybe ronnie

is, like, mind gaming me a little bit,

and it's not cool.

I have nothing to say to you,

'cause I would never, ever write

a f*cking ex-girlfriend's number in a phone book.

Could you sit down and talk like a normal person?

I'm over it. Get that.

Why would you write that?

Answer my question. Why would you put that down?

Do you talk to her? Answer my question.

I've talked to her. When?

Like, two weeks ago.

So f*ck you, okay, and enjoy your life.

Okay.

I don't think any boyfriend or girlfriend

has a right to go through each other's stuff, you know.

We weren't even together. That makes it even worse.

Psycho going through my f*cking phone book.

What are you, out of your f*cking mind?

Who? Sammi.

You guys don't stop. Crazy, bro?

So he wrote

his ex-girlfriend's number in that book?

And she went through it. What an idiot.

So even if he did that... Idiot!

No. He's fine. Put joe or something.

Yeah, but she shouldn't be going through his phone book...

That's true. To begin with.

Regardless, you got to prepare for that.

You got to prepare for that. I would have.

I would too. I got you.

Sam, can you talk to me

so we can do this the right way?

I'm over it.

Over it.

So back the f*ck away from me.

I obviously love him a lot,

and I obviously care about him a lot.

And I'm in this position

where my mind is f*cked up and twisted.

[Sobs]

so hold on one second.

Our dinner? Oh, yeah.

That was on the floor.

Throw it out.

It's raw. You got to cook it anyway.

So all germs are gonna get k*lled.

I don't know. I know.

I know, but I'm not eating anything off the floor.

I'm not eating anything off the floor.

I think that's only if you boil it.

Ron, what do you think? What the hell is that?

This fell on the floor. Would you eat it?

Probably not.

So what are we having for supper, granola bars?

She's gonna ruin it.

She's gonna- she f*cking told me,

like, "I'm over you. f*ck you.

Stay the f*ck away from me."

Like, come on.

'Cause you saw her number in my phone?

You saw- and we're not together.

What do you want to do?

I did want to be with her.

Last night- I got wild last night.

I three-way kissed.

I was onstage motorboating the jell-o shot girls.

Kidding me?

I woke up this morning,

and I was just like, "what did I do?"

I feel like a piece of sh*t.

I'm gonna tell her myself that, like, yo,

I was dancing with girls last night.

Are you?

No, I'm not gonna tell her now. f*ck her.

[Line rings] delivery.

Yeah, I'd like to place an order for pickup, please.

What's your name? Situation.

The name? Yes, that is situation.

Capital s-i-t-u-a-t-i-o-n.

Whatever, man. What's the order?

[Laughs]

delivery from big pink's. Yeah, it's our food.

Mike, snook, the food's here.

Hey, do you have any ketchup?

[Gasps] can I have your pickle?

No.

Ew. This is awesome, by the way.

Do you want some? I'm not gonna eat all of it.

I think I need a shower.

Jenni, I see you.

Bad? Yeah.

You can see her? Yeah. Go look.

I want to look. Don't move.

I see you! No!

I can see everything right now.

What? Let me see.

I can't see.

Right there.

Oh, sh*t.

Oh, boobies! I see your boobies.

I see your boobies.

Why, I found a hole.

[Screams] [laughter]

that was awesome.

[Phone rings] angelina, phone.

Hello?

Can I speak to angelina? Hi.

That's incredible.

Angelina is on the phone all g*dd*mn day.

Angelina's on the phone.

The phone's ringing, it's for angelina.

Hello?

Can I speak to angelina, please?

Hello? Hi.

Can I speak to angelina, please?

[Phone rings]

situation speaking.

Hi, is angelina available, please?

For angelina.

[Laughs] hold on.

I mean, enough's enough with this friggin' phone.

[Phone rings]

angelina. Hello?

This cannot be for you. Hi.

I need to use the phone right now.

All right.

Angelina's on the phone talking -.

I'll call you in a little bit. Bye.

Like, you know, if you want to be here,

interact with everybody.

But not like I want her to.

The bridge is burned.

She should have came up to us like a woman

the first day we got here and apologized.

When she left last summer,

she was running her mouth like crazy.

And she was blasting everybody in the house.

She said that tom's better...

Too good... Too good.

To be with me, and same with emilio.

About me? Listen, all I have to say.

It's one thing to talk about us,

but to bring our boyfriends into it.

I don't care if you talk sh*t about me.

Talk sh*t about me all you want.

But if you talk about my girls,

my boyfriend, or my family,

that's when I'm gonna f*ck you up.

I need to have a talk with you.

Me? Yes.

I don't know why you're on my sh*t so hard.

It's fine to talk about me to anybody.

It's fine when I find out.

But when you talk about my boyfriend,

that you don't even know...

He's the sweetest kid ever in the world...

I've never talked about your boyfriend.

You're lying. Just admit it. To who? To who?

When you were in long island one night.

You were talking sh*t about emilio.

To who? Saying how did I get this guy?

He's a- this is bullshit.

This is high school sh*t.

You are high school sh*t, angelina.

Okay. So much sh*t that you talk.

You're listening to everybody else.

No. Once you start talking sh*t, you keep going.

That's how you are. No.

You don't know me. You don't even know me.

I don't want to know you.

You ran your mouth to my best friends.

To who? I want to know their names.

J. Joey yanks.

You want to get your a*s beat,

you'll get your a*s beat.

You can stay, get your a*s beat.

You can stay, get your a*s beat.

I look up. I see angelina.

She's dancing with girls.

I mean, it's not really surprising.

But it's interesting.

If you have something to say, say it to my face.

I'll say it to your face.

And I'm looking at you right now.

Blast my boyfriend. Do it all. Do it all.

I don't blast your boyfriend.

No, you do. No, I don't.

You do. It's pathetic. You're pathetic.

That's how you are, angelina. No, I'm not.

You're listening to everybody else,

and you're not listening to me.

I hang out with everyone from long island.

I'm friends with everyone from long island.

Jenni, am I not right about...

I want to be cool with everybody here.

I don't want to fight with you guys.

You ran your mouth to my best friends.

To who? I want to know their names.

J, joey yanks, bill...

J? I only saw him one time.

I want to be cool with everyone here.

I don't even want any problems.

But you can't be cool if you keep talking sh*t.

I'm telling you I'm not talking sh*t.

Angelina is fessing up to nothing.

That's stupid.

Why are we all gonna make up this sh*t?

We're not, because it- it's real.

I'm here, I'm having this experience with you guys...

You're not having sh*t with us.

I'm gonna be here forever.

You want to get your a*s beat, you'll get your a*s beat.

You can stay, get your a*s beat.

You can stay, get your f*cking a*s beat.

Okay.

You can stay, get your f*cking a*s beat.

All right.

Plain and simple. Okay.

[Laughing]

you want? You want some pretzels?

Some pretzels? Popcorn, popcorn.

I got no popcorn. Pretzels. Got it.

Regardless if you're not gonna fight me back,

I'm gonna swing.

Okay. But that's not classy, though.

Sleep with one f*cking eye open.

I'm here like everybody else is...

I'm gonna make you sweat it out.

Okay, okay.

Jwoww is- I see her in the gym,

and she's throwing out combos, okay.

I've also got a little taste of a smack myself.

Punch me in the face. Oh!

So I have an idea of what angelina's

about to go through.

And it's like rocky versus apollo.

You know what I'm saying?

Rocky doesn't have a shot right now.

Sweat it, b*tch. Yeah.

I got you. Don't worry. Mm-hmm.

I'm not gonna downgrade myself.

Downgrade? You're gonna get your a*s beat.

Listen, I'm not apologizing

because you're yelling at me, whatever.

I'm being real. Okay, whatever.

That's mature to walk away too.

[Phone ringing] hello?

Hello? Who's this?

Can I speak to angelina, please?

No, she died. She...

I got not strength to f*cking fight with people.

I'm not here to fight. I just want to have fun, party.

[Phone ringing]

who the f*ck is calling?

Hel... Hello? Angelina died?

Who's this? How'd it happen?

I didn't die, as*h*le.

It's gonna be a long two months.

Ron told me he three-way kissed.

Ron told you? Yeah.

Ron{\i} told{\i} you?

Oh, sh*t!

He told me everything. What is he thinking?

No, listen, I don't...

Now that you know... Yeah.

Yeah, now that you know, let's talk about it.

You want to hear the good sh*t?

This girl would not leave any of us alone.

We just kept shrugging her off, shrugging her off.

This girl was nasty! He's like, "come here."

Was she fat?

She played, like, tight end for the giants.

No, he made out with two ugly girls at the same time.

And he was loving it. He was like, "yeah, yeah."

They were fat.

He's like, "dog, I'm doing work right now.

I'm doing work." Doing work?

Doing work, son? I'm like...

We're promoting a grenade-free america.

[Laughing] I'm like, "dog."

He's like, "these girls are hot as hell."

I was like... Should we hit them with the topper?

What he said when he was about to come in?

Aw, don't say that. Why?

Don't say that. Please.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not gonna...

You can't say that and then not say it.

We're talking to girls right now.

Just make something up.

That's, like, the worst thing in the world.

Make anything up, bro. No, please?

He... He was just, like- don't even say it.

Say it. Shut up, vinny. Mike.

Mike just, like, keeps wanting to tell jenni

about ronnie coming home and boasting

how he's gonna go sleep in bed with sammi

after he just hooked up with girls.

Is it dirty? It's like... No, it's not dirty.

It's disrespectful? Like, horrible stuff.

Anyone... Pertaining to someone in the house?

Yeah. One of us?

None of you guys. It was just... It was just...

Mike, shut the f*ck up.

Shut up. You know what?

I kind of trust jwoww a little bit,

'cause... No? vag*na, she has a vag*na.

She has a vag*na? [Sighs]

mike's a f*cking instigator.

Seriously.

They should call you "the instigation."

[Laughing]

I did call my ex-girlfriend once.

I love you so much. And that's my downfall.

I didn't do anything.

Like, you don't care. Like, I'm here...

You're drunk. Please go to bed.

You just don't care. Like, seriously.

What? I'm done.

Last night, I honestly feel bad,

because I feel like, I made a mistake

by, like, lashing out.

I would never, ever write a f*cking ex-girlfriend's

f*cking number in a phone book.

So f*ck you, okay, and enjoy your life.

I just want to, like, apologize if you think...

What? What'd you say?

Want to apologize if you think, you know.

Have fun.

Hope you find somebody good.

Is that what you want?

What do you care what I want?

Why do you want to listen to me talk now?

Like, you know what?

Yeah, you know what?

I did call my ex-girlfriend once.

I called her one time. You know why, sam?

'Cause everybody I turned to at that time

said to f*cking leave you and never talk to you again.

Do you know what she said?

Give you a chance. Work things out.

That's what she said.

So you should call her up and thank her

that we're even sitting in here talking right now.

Because she's the reason that I even gave you another shot.

My weakness with you is that I love you so f*cking much.

And that's my downfall

is that I love you so f*cking much.

It's, like, you know,

I'm gonna be around there, so it's like...

And I care about her and love her, so it's hard.

It's a f*cked-up situation. That's exactly what it is.

Sorry, vin.

Go in your room.

I love ron.

And I don't think it'll just go away.

I don't know what to do, sam,

because part of me loves you so much.

Like, so much, it's, like, sickening.

What do we do?

I don't know what to do, sam.

Oh, god.

If we f*cking love each other,

then we f*cking love each other,

then that's it.

f*cking work on the problems,

and you f*cking grow from it.

If you can't f*cking grow from it,

then we can't be together.

And it's that simple.

If you're, at this point,

like, not ready, like, for anything,

then you're not going to be.

What did I just say to you?

Like, you're not listening to anything that...

I'm listening to everything you're saying to me.

I just said if you want to work on sh*t,

we can work on sh*t.

You don't mean that.

We can work on things.

You know, it's weird, you know what I mean?

We're ex-boyfriend and girlfriend,

and we're hanging out with each other.

Like, you know, it's awkward, bro.

Like, it's not {\i}saved by the bell.{\I}

we're not f*cking zack and kelly.

Like, you know, it's weird.

I'm just upset we got to go to work.

I won't think about work until I'm there.

Let's go.

Ooh, the seats are gonna be hot.

My a*s is gonna burn. My a*s is gonna burn.

Unfortunately, we're gonna be working this summer

down in miami at the gelato shop.

Gelato, smoothie. This is it.

At least there's a/c in here.

How are you guys? How are you doing?

How are you doing today, boss?

My name is enzo. Hello.

We meet the boss. Seems like a nice guy.

You know, he seems stern

but not really too much of a prick,

so that's always a plus.

Gonna tell you how works my shop.

I'm gonna teach you how to make the ice cream.

You are to wear a hat.

For him, I don't know if you have to cut your hair.

I don't know. I don't know how you're gonna handle it.

My boss seems to think that my hair

is gonna fall off and go into the ice cream.

This hair ain't moving, my dude.

Miles an hour on the highway, on a street bike,

doesn't move.

What makes you think it's gonna move in a gelato shop?

Hey, you, I don't know

what you're gonna see with that glass.

[Laughing]

okay, when you make an ice cream,

you make a couple of scoops like this.

Don't make bigger than that.

Otherwise you have to charge double, okay?

Who want it?

You want it? You want it? You want it?

Go. This is my baby.

We're gonna work here in this place.

This is the best ice cream in miami.

People loves it. So gonna be very fun.

All right, rock it on, miami.

Let's go. Okay, let's go.

All: thank you. Thank you.

See you tomorrow. See you tomorrow.

See you tomorrow. There we go.

Like, I was just feeling like I wanted to do something crazy.

You know, I was, like, kind of in a bad mood,

and I think I needed to feel some pain.

So I decided that I want to go

get a tattoo in the worst place

that you could possibly ever get a tattoo.

You're gonna have to take it easy with the sun

because, you know, tattoo's gonna be fresh.

You want a tattoo to heal right.

Just out of nowhere, like, kind of, like, surprisingly,

like, ron was like, "oh, I want to get a tattoo."

I didn't know he would do it like... That.

So when he decided to do it,

I was like, "all right, I'll go with you."

I'm there for ronnie through anything,

so if he needs me, then I'm gonna be there.

I feel like you're going under or something right now.

[Needle buzzing]

♪ I'm wondering why ♪

♪ why did I do it ♪

♪ and watching you cry ♪

♪ can barely get through it ♪

♪ I'm sorry, I swear ♪

♪ I'm sorry for what I did ♪

[muffled speech]

holding her hand actually, like,

took a lot of my mind off the pain

that I was going through.

All right, I'm gonna give you a little break.

But sam definitely helped out being there

for four hours getting the tattoo.

Bye, thank you. Thank you, boss.

Bye. Appreciate it.

Why?

So we walk home, and, like, he's being so cute

and, like, so nice.

♪ We ♪

♪ will never be the same ♪

♪ we ♪

♪ will always be changed ♪

don't worry about what the f*ck I'm doing.

The whole house does not like you.

You don't want me on your bad side, trust me.

You just don't care. Like, seriously.

You just smacked him!

♪ So, baby, what I know ♪

♪ there's no stop 'cause you are go ♪

♪ no way I can tame it ♪

[horn honking] watch out, mike.

♪ Baby, I can name it ♪

♪ you shine like a cadillac ♪

♪ if you got sold I'd buy you back ♪

♪ 'cause you're so pony ♪

what'd you guys eat here last time?

Spaghetti and meatballs. [Giggles]

[snorts]

I'm the only girl hanging out with the guys,

so it's like- it's good.

You know, I get along with guys

more than I get along with girls for some reason.

You right now are part of the i.f.f.

What's that? I'm f*cked foundation.

Which... Yeah. Yeah.

But you knew that coming in here.

How am I f*cked?

Every girl in the house is, like, out to get your a*s.

And so you're f*cked.

At least everyone's airing out

all their things with you, you know what I mean?

Yeah, I'm the biggest sh*t-talker in life.

Whatever, it's not like, you know, anybody's

gonna be my friend after this anyway.

That's true. [Snorts]

you're a d*ck, pauly.

I'm only teasing.

I'm gonna take a shower real quick.

Showered.

[Laughing]

I got the fresh-to-death kicks on.

Me too. I got some jeans on.

And I got the shirt.

But I ain't wearing the shirt when we go out.

This is the shirt before the shirt.

Yeah. Vin, you know the deal.

We even got vinny on the...

Vinny is even on the shirt before the shirt.

We have an abundance of wifebeaters.

They're white or black tank tops,

and we wear them before we go out.

It's t-shirt time, pauly. You sure?

We sit on the couch with our tank tops

until it's t-shirt time.

T-shirt time.

Right before we go out, we take off the tank,

and then we put on our fresh shirt.

Snooks, purple?

See purple?

Or yellow?

Purple? Purple.

Hello? Who you talking to? Purple.

Yo, let's go. Let's go.

♪ You say that you want me ♪

♪ but I don't know if you're ready for me ♪

♪ I guess we'll find out if it's horror or a love story ♪

♪ you know I do this all the time ♪

I just wanted to get everything off my mind,

so I just started drinking.

And I got so drunk, you know?

♪ I don't know if you're ready for me ♪

♪ I guess we'll find out if it's horror or a love story ♪

I look up. I see angelina.

She's dancing with girls.

I mean, I think a lot of girls

like both nowadays anyways,

so it's not really surprising.

But it's interesting.

♪ You say that you want me ♪

♪ but I don't know if you're ready for me ♪

♪ I guess we'll find out if it's horror or a love story ♪

I just needed to just forget about all the stress.

[Screaming and laughing]

she's like, "the girl you were hooking up with was this.

The girl you were hooking up with was that."

And then I'm like, "whoa, wait a minute.

"Don't worry about what the- what our girls are.

Worry about you."

She's like, "blah, blah, blah, I love you.

And I'm like... I'm like,

"what the hell did you just say?"

Me and pauly were having a good time.

And angelina starts to give pauly sh*t.

I can just see it coming, that's how she is.

A little bit of alcohol, and throughout the night,

it gets worse and worse and worse

until voila!

Mrs. c*ck of the century comes out,

and that's who she truly is.

So are you.

Seriously?

Like a -year-old. Are you touching me?

Got work in the morning. I know.

I'm actually hungry. You hungry?

Yeah, but- right?

I don't think we got anything.

We got to do something about that.

You okay, babe? No.

What are you crying about, baby?

Tell me what's up. You know what?

I know I got tenders in here, dog.

You want some tenders? I got, like, numbers.

I'm f*cking starving. You know what I'm gonna do?

I'm gonna start the grill at the same time.

If that don't work, the grill's ready to go.

You're being Ret*rded, seriously.

What'd I do? What the hell did I do?

Talking to a girl that aka was married.

What do you think, I'm trying to find a girlfriend?

Wasn't her boyfriend married in jersey?

Come on. I'm in miami for how long?

I'm not looking for a girlfriend.

Who knows? I don't know.

Don't worry about what the f*ck I'm doing.

Don't worry about what I'm doing.

You do not want to play this game with us.

The whole house does not like you.

You don't want me on your bad side, trust me.

We're being cool. You hung out with us.

We didn't say nothing to you. I paid the whole f*cking bill.

Whatever, you had one drink. It doesn't matter.

Michael, michael, I love you. Just chill.

Just what I'm saying is,

you talked to some guy tonight, I didn't say nothing.

He talks to a girl...

I didn't even look

'cause I don't give a f*ck who you talk to.

I don't even care who you talk to.

Yes, you do! You obviously do.

I love you. I f*cking stand by you.

I stan- what?

I want to marry you. What?

I think about you every day.

What?

Me and situation did hook up

with angelina at one point.

Maybe there was feelings or not.

Whatever it is, like,

I don't have those feelings for angelina.

And she's fine with that, so she claims.

I'm ending this conversation on a good note.

Do you, and we're gonna do us.

Please stay out of it.

In other words, let us do us. You do you.

And we'll support you- what was I doing before that?

I don't give a f*ck what you're doing.

I was doing- stay out of my business.

I was doing whatever- stay out of my business.

Before that. Stay out of my business.

Okay. That's all I'm saying.

You know I'm not like this.

I know. You know that.

So why are you acting like this, babe?

Because you're upsetting me.

I'm done with this conversation.

Are you serious?

[Sniffles]

babe, I know you're crying right now, baby, but...

You just don't care.

Like, seriously. [Sniffles]

babe, you... What are you doing? You just smacked him.

You don't care. Like, you don't care.

Like, I'm here...

You're drunk. Please go to bed.

No! You're drunk!

You're acting f*cked up right now.

He didn't do anything. No, you and him...

You just smacked him! Are both...

Yeah, I'm telling you right now,

you do not want to play this game.

So I sit back, and I'm like,

I can't believe this girl just smacked me.

So I'm just gonna shut up and hope she goes away.

Sorry. Listen.

We are the only ones that are being cool

with you in this house.

I love you guys.

Then why are you acting like this right now?

Because of him.

Because of him? He's pissing me off right now.

What did he do?

Nothing about you. Okay.

I love you.

Okay, I'm gonna step off, then.

Then now it's just between you two.

You're pissing me off right now.

Pauly, you're being Ret*rded.

Don't talk to me.

You're being stupid right now.

You and him both.

From here on in, the only friends you had in the house

were me and situation, you don't have anymore.

So now you have zero friends in this household.

[Sniffles]

she got drunk, and she's f*cking acting

like a c*ck-f*cking-block.

Like, seriously? Like a -year-old.

Are you touching me?

Stop touching me. Stop touching me.

I'm done.

You know how you used to chill with us and come with us?

Now you're on your f*cking own.

You're on your own.

You don't have me, and you don't have situation.

So who do you have? No one.