♪ I could be so good for you
♪ Love you like you want me to
♪ I could be so good for you
♪ Love you like you want me to ♪
[SHOUTS AND JEERS]
Fair old fight, eh?
I don't think
he's the 'great white hope'.
Neither of 'em.
That's not a point, Arthur.
It's value for money.
That's the thing about Eric's bills.
Value the money.
Fellers who like fighting.
GO ON, HIT HIM!
Guys who hate each other.
Yeah, I did notice.
One, two, three,
- That is. How's Terry?
- four, five...
In the best of health, thank God.
He'd love this.
Talking about fighting,
he really could fight.
Eric'll give him a bout.
Bouncers, minders, old fighters, has-beens,
he'll give everyone a chance.
Has-beens?
I wasn't talking
about your old Terry.
Eric likes people with bottle...
bottle AND heart.
You think I'd let my Terence degrade himself
by gracing this... pirate show?
I'm asking Arthur.
He still does a bit, don't he?
Taking care of people.
Supervising premises.
Improving his mind.
- Come on, behave yourself.
- I'm playing the juke box.
You use 10ps, it's not your boot.
Now go home!
I've left a pint of lager.
No, you haven't.
You threw it over the barman.
I'm being nice with you son,
you're probably under age anyway.
If you want to kick something,
go kick a football.
Why don't I just kick you instead?
- They get that from the telly, you know.
- What? Jackanory?
No, that's not his name.
A Chinese fella.
I'll tell you, fists are out.
He's young too.
I wonder what school he goes to.
Royal Bleeding Ballet School.
I knew you'd like the bill.
I don't know why they didn't fight
on the cobbles.
You should have a
word with old Eric.
Man like yourself,
always looking for a pound.
And he spends a pound and all.
Listen to me.
You still into real estate?
Yeah, I dabble, Harry.
I dabble.
Lovely flat.
Renovated, modernised, clean as a whistle.
Knock-out postal code.
You know my old Marge.
Loyal as a spaniel.
What's she gone and done?
Gone off
with a double-glazing salesman.
Never!
Thank God I've the
lease in my name.
No, no, no.
Too many memories,
especially the double-glazing.
What sort of money we talking about,
lease, everything?
I'm gutted.
Best years of my life...
..apart from that stretch in Hull.
But everybody knew I was innocent!
Well, here I have to concur
with you, Harry.
All that nonsense about the shotgun
in the boot of the car.
Any decent liberal judge
would've ignored that evidence.
Brace of grouse in the motor too.
That was the rub.
They were out of season.
And judges hate that.
Couple of pigeons
and you'd have had a result.
About your flat, Harry.
This is gonna be
a right needle fight.
Grand a piece they reckon
and a monkey on the side.
Oh dear, oh dear.
You can think they do
with supplementary benefit
and a couple of bus passes
on this side.
Don't knock it, Arthur.
Lot of money in this game.
Hey, hey! Stop, stop!
By the job centre?
Yeah, I wanna see a fella.
I won't be a minute.
- I'll take the fare now.
- You what?
I mean five minutes ago,
we were going to Berkeley Square.
Now, you're dashing
into the job centre.
You think I'm gonna do a runner?
A man of my stamp?
I'm an employer,
not an employee.
I don't care if you're
the chairman of the board.
They pull all sorts to strokes
these days.
- I hope you don't expect a tip.
- I don't expect you'll get a job either.
I don't believe it.
The humiliation?
- What's next - underneath the arches?
- Leave me alone.
What's going on? Look at it,
the idea of you, my friend...
associate, the man I brought up
from the gutter, taught, nursed, trained...
Look at them -
Maggie's Millions!
There's six of them.
Where's the rest? All tap-tap in a kipp?
Don't even get up for Breakfast TV.
All I'm doing is sussing out
the job market, alright?
Job market?
Motor cycle messenger, audio typist,
is that your limit of your aspirations?
Listen.
This isn't for you,
this is for civilians.
Workers.
Listen, I've had enough, right?
Standing on the door in some khazi
and acting lippy hooligans.
Kung Fu kicks now it is.
I tell you what.
I've got a season ticket to casualty wound.
Boracic an' all.
Can't even get me best shoes
out of the menders.
Why didn't you say?
Oh, look. That's good one.
Block of flats, handyman, 60 sovs.
Five-day week, 300 sovs a week.
That's a week, you berk!
- You drink that in a day, don't ya?
- Not true!
Anyway everyone
is feeling the pinch.
School fees are gone up,
'er indoors dayly wants an arm and a leg.
You're not the only one!
We're not asking for 'A' levels.
Maybe a diploma in physical education.
I used to be a boxer, you know?
A few years ago.
Rather they'd be
interested in that.
And now and again I teach at a youth club.
I teach them self-defence, that sort of things.
Let me take your name and address.
- Never mind all that. He's got a job.
- Ignore him.
And if you want know
about his youth activities
ask him about last night.
Two mere juveniles. Right-hander to one,
a left hook to the other.
- Look, I'll chin you in a minute.
- You see what I mean, miss? Aggressive.
Mind you, he had
a deprived childhood.
But he's no playleader.
And apart of it, he's got a job.
This man's gainfully employed.
He thought the job center
was a new pub. Didn't you my son?
I'm his Guv'nor,
I pay his stamps.
- Stamps! When've you...
- Don't interrupt.
He's not one of three million.
He's a fraud.
Do not be misled
by that angle of expression, young lady.
I'll really chin you in a minute.
I'll bring you tidings
with a real joy, Terence.
A wedge in your sky,
wonga in your wallet,
and an info for your ears only.
I suppose I'd better
have a word with him.
I would as well.
Job Centres?
I'd put this country on its feet.
Can you come back
and tell me what happens?
Yeah, I can come back about six,
how's that?
Could even take you out,
buy you a drink?
Yeah, OK.
See, you meet me
and suddenly get a result.
What's a nice girl like that
doing in a nasty place like this?
- What's this job, then?
- You fit?
- Fit?
- Yeah, you know, fit.
Yeah, I'm fit.
You know, fighters are like claret.
They mature.
You think about Archie Moore.
Two months off his 50's birthday,
he was still knocking 'em down.
Incredible man.
An' Jersey Joe Walcott,
here is another one.
a credit to the art.
I was at the show last night, you know,
pirate thing. Unlicenced.
'Er indoors could've knocked out most of them
but there it was, every seat full, Terry.
No.
Eh?
I know what you're gonna say.
The answer's no.
They were bums, Terry.
Weekend hooligans, pathetic!
You want me to be one of them,
do you?
They're giving money away.
You're taking a very selfish attitude.
Don't I deserve a favour?
I did you a favour seven years ago,
remember?
For influential people.
Yeah. Lovely people, weren't they?
Ain't your night, they said.
I held that bum up for seven rounds.
The price was right.
- You should've looked after me.
- I hardly even knew you.
I mean I could have been something.
I could've been a contender.
Been someone? You sound like
that block in On The River Bank.
You've lost your ma, wasn't you?
You was a contender.
That was the whole point.
You was to lose the fight.
- And then... Whatshisname...
- Wilson.
Wilson. Yeah.
He'd be the contender.
You'd have a return bout
and you'd m*rder him.
What happens? You go down
like a dying swan, smiling an' all...
And then you patting your hair.
- I had resin in my eye.
- Resin in my eye.
You looked like Sir John Gielgud
on a bad night.
I'm not suprised they
took your license away.
You're lucky they didn't nick you
for over-acting an' all.
Ali was older then you
when he was a world champion.
- Ah, leave it...
- And think about Sylvia.
Sylvia who?
Sylvia... Whatshisname.
You know. Rocky.
Yeah, I know it's only a film, but
that is the stuff what dreams are made of.
You should have a dog like him.
- I've got friends.
- Yeah...
Where are they?
Hey, Mr Daley!
- You've got a new motor!
- Yeah. But does it work?
Don't vex me, guy.
Black is beautiful.
It's yellow.
Best 50,000 miles service
you've had.
Hang about.
It's only supposed to be 12,000.
So, you've got a bonus!
This kid knows all about motors.
He worked at Dalston Bus Garage.
- Mmm. Terrific!
- He's ace man.
He tweaked the carbs,
electronic tuning.
But did he change the oil?
I even changed
the air in the tyres for you.
Just over there, I'm tidying up.
Now I see why they call you
Dirty Harry.
I used to be a ringer
for Clint Eastwood.
He's taller than me though,
isn't he?
He wouldn't park his poncho
in this guff!
- Whew! Can you open a window, Harry?
- No problem.
It's a bit knack.
Anyway I don't want
all those draughts.
Ah. Since the wife pissed of,
the whole place gone down hill.
I don't hoover anymore,
you know.
- A dustpan, maybe?
- Took it with her, didn't she?
You can buy them, you know.
I mean, we're not talking
about Bond Street.
I mean your corner shop.
They've all sorts of things.
Soaps, detergents,
polish. Remember polish?
For shining things.
See it on the telly sometimes.
Oh, dear. When you told me
you'd a flat on the market...
Lease and fittings, and...
- er, furniture.
- Oh, yes. It's definitely a furniture.
What d'you call it?
Middle period Hilda Ogden?
And you want money for this an' all?
Look at the ads in the papers.
Want bundles.
You've got bundles,
vermin, dreck...
It's a fashionable address.
- Sit down, Arthur.
- On what?
Hang on!
I haven't seen the cat
for a week.
I'm not suprised it probably
gone down to the Welfare.
Hear, the Arabs
there are buying up the flats.
They wouldn't stable their
camels in this place.
Is it controlled rent?
Where's the lease?
Solicitor's drawing it up.
- Ten grand.
- Ten what?
One and a nought?
Three. And you're lucky.
Minutes from the West End.
Six maybe.
Even the cat don't fancy it.
Arthur!
Look, that kind of dough
you put down for a mortgage.
Arthur, please!
Listen, a rotten squatter
will give you a blank.
And that's why
I'll never be a rich man.
Honest Arthur.
CAT MEOWS
Table or the bar?
- Erm. Table.
- Which one?
Maybe I shall buy the drinks.
I've got a job, remember?
Oh yeah, but it's my club, see? Members only.
What d'you want?
Gin and tonic.
All right. You sit down,
I'll be back in a minute.
- Hi, Tel!
- Dave!
- You just missed Arthur.
- A stroke of luck, innit.
Give us a large gin and tonic
and a pint of lager.
Well, the lady,
she can have whatever,
but you...
orange juice.
Do what?
You've got to get down
your fighting weight.
I don't even want you to go
into the ring...
but if you got to,
at least be fit.
- What are you talking about?
- That what Arthur tells me.
The great comeback -
he reckons you're ready.
I'll k*ll him!
Shell the guy you've gotta k*ll?
I don't want to see you do it,
but I'll be there.
Dave, I'm not fighting,
licensed or unlicensed. I've retired.
Well, I said that to Arthur.
But he said, "We'll win".
- We?
- Yeah, "We'll Win".
So it's a Vera and Philharmonic for the lady,
and orange juice for you.
[PHONE]
- Hello.
- "You alone"?
What d'you want?
"It's six o'clock, the air is clean,
no carbon monoxide."
- Are you Brahms?
- "I'm snuggled up in my pit."
"But you should be up, tracksuit,
woolly hat, heavy boots."
What're you talking about?
- What... What time is it?
- "I've told you."
"Pounding the streets, five miles.
A nice cup of tea, quick ½ hour breakfast TV.
See you in the gym."
"Punish yourself, Terrence.
Get up - this second."
Ta, bye.
Arthur Daley? A legend in your own lifetime.
My da even talked about you.
Yeah? Alright, I knew a few Taffs
in the old days.
'Count your fingers', he'd've said.
I'm an open book, Eric.
How is... How is the old fella?
Oh, He is...
He is still in Broadmoor.
Why don't you get yourself
a nice cup of tea? That's a good boy.
I want to be a millionaire
before I'm 35.
Ha-ha, yeah. We all felt like that
when we was young, didn't we?
You missed out though,
didn't you?
I get by.
I'm a radical.
You see, I'm into alternative
boxing game.
Well, to be honest,
I'm against the establishment.
Hey! You are not one of this
militant tendency, are you?
Power to the people.
No, my da had some strange ideas.
He would, wouldn't he?
Ow. No disrespect.
See, my da thought of boxing
as a folk art.
While this supper shows
like were last night fighting.
What I want is legalised
street-corner scraps.
You on my wavelength, Arthur?
Well, I like a bit of skill.
Skill? Skill's for snooker...
Blood. [THUMPS THE TABLE]
Wekk, I like a little bit of claret.
Talking of drink... erm...?
I never use it.
I let you have a grand
for your boy.
- You what?
- You heard?
I wouldn't set my alarm for that!
You think I'll let my Terry demean himself?
Do you know Jackie Wilson?
Yeah. He'd to prop him up
for seven rounds.
Would it be an attraction?
I'd sell 200 tickets myself.
Then you've two grand.
- 2½.
- It's not the Albert Hall.
What d'you want, blood?
[THUMPS THE TABLE]
Or Beethoven's Fifth?
- What're you doing?
- What's it look like?
You'll do yourself a mischief,
come down at once.
As your manager I insist!
My what?
We've a result,
money in the bank, Jackie Wilson.
I thought that'd make you
drop your chammy.
- What're you talking about?
- Come down!
Window cleaning!
Yesterday it was all...
steady... steady...
all that odd typing and playleader.
- Is this the best they can do?
- C'mon, what're you on about?
All right, so it's a pirate show,
you're top of the bill.
I've told you already,
I'm not doing it!
Oh. You had a better offer?
One night stand on the door of a disco?
Is your diary full?
Look. I'm offering you dignity,
respect.
You kidding!
All right, money,
of which you are severe deficient
at this moment of time.
That's true!
Hey, you still got your
old dressing gown?
I'll take it to the dry
cleaners personaly for you.
Sponsorship!
Nick'll love that:
'Two hour cleaning - our speciality'.
My shoulders ain't big enough.
Name on your trunks,
adverts on your 'arris.
You'll be a walking industry!
Want to share a teabag?
Look. You'd be top of the bill.
You'd be in there with Jackie Wilson...
..ex-champion of Britain
and the Commonwealth.
It can't be bad, can it?
What's he doin' it for?
Like his bretheren
frittered away his wealth.
Boozing all night, business ventures
that had no chance...
fair-weather friends
without an umbrella between them.
In immortal words,
as Willie Pep said..
- "First you lose your legs"...
- "Then you lose your friends". Yeah.
You've a month.
- He owes me, don't he?
- 'Course he does, you made him.
I could've been champ.
We'll have a teabag each.
Oi!
We're not fleeing
from the scene of the crime?
You kidding?
Why?
I see your face in unusual garb,
a residential area, 6 o'clock in the morning,
I've got to take notice.
I'm training, ain't I?
Yeah, but for what?
I'm makin' a comeback.
I'm fightin' in a month.
You had a fight last week,
as I understand.
That wasn't Madison Square Gardens?
Where's this venue then?
Ilford, I think, I'm not sure.
Well, a couple of 'briefs' for your local
custodians of law and order would be handy.
That's Arthur's department.
That'd cost me the Royal Box.
We'll get you an orange box.
Nice, isn't it?
If I wasn't going home now, I'd nick you.
- What for?
- I dunno. Sus?
Loitering with intent,
parking on a double yellow.
Been a bad week for me.
A nice bank robbery or a couple of transvestites
kidnapping the Mayor'd be handy...
I've not been in the local paper
for three months.
- I'll put a whisper about.
- I'd be obliged.
Reckon you're worth a bet?
Yeah, I do as it 'appens.
Well, go on. Up on your toes.
You've had enough practice, ain't ya?
Oh, my Gawd!
I hope you've got an oxygen tent in there.
My reputation's at stake.
Oh, Gawd!
I hope you haven't got a Richard
waitin' for you in your bedroom!
- Just make the tea, will yer?
- No, I've had tea.
I haven't.
What a 2 and 8.
I've more chance of beating Jackie Wilson.
- Look at you.
- Just shut up. Shut up!
- I haven't done this for a long time.
- Now listen. What you need is a trainer.
I'm training myself alright.
I do have to know a bit more
about boxing than you, right?
Really? Is it not my subject,
the noble art?
Oh, it's your start with it
at Hoxton University?
No. Cheap note, Terrence,
cheap note.
You've been found out, haven't yer?
Hey, come on in. Come on!
Who was the only man who won the
heavyweight title while be down on the canvas?
- Max Schmeling.
- Max Schmeling!
He got the title from
Jackie Sharkey on a foul.
You didn't know, didn't you?
Come on. Give us another one!
What's the time?
I'd go on TV on any time
with Angus Magnus.
- Who?
- See? You don't even know who he is.
The Icelandic Scotchman
with the electric chair.
As your manager
I call the shots,
and I nominate...
Sol... Soldier Atkins.
- Who?
- Soldier At-kin-s.
- Old Soldier?
- No. 'Don't knock the oldies', Terry.
Oh, my Gawd, I can hear it now
- 'Oh yeah, Tommy Farr, he was a good boy'.
'Len Harvey's that's another one.
A gent he was, a right toff.'
Soldier Atkins, oh, my Gawd!
Old Tommy Farr, no,
he could ever fight.
'Cos nobody took any
liberties with Tommy.
Then was Len Harvey,
what a gentleman!
In and out of the ring.
Sweetest straight left in the world.
Old Soldier knows all,
don't you, Soldier?
Yeah. What's in the bones,
the old family.
With my dear old mum
weighed in at 11 stone 7 pound,
your kind of stamp to it,
and a very similar style.
Walk-in fighter, old lady.
Undisputed champion of
the Co-op queue during the w*r.
Look. With no disrespect,
what're you gonna do for me?
I'm gonna make you a winner.
People say the last fight was a...
hooky?
- It was.
- You were on a good hiding to nothing.
It was a set-up.
A bit villainy, maybe.
They just wanted to be sure.
I had him all over the place.
Simple minded, ain't ya?
Come on, Arthur.
Tell him!
Erm... I mean he was favourite,
Jackie Wilson, I mean.
- Odds on, were they?
- As I remember it, yeah.
Hold on. What are you're trying to tell me,
he would've won anyway?
Well, so they reckoned.
He was gonna win.
They just wanted insurance, right Arthur?
Yeah, yeah,
that's about the size of it.
- They thought I couldn't win?
- Yeah.
Well, you kept shtum about that
for a bleeding long time, didn't you?
- Why not?
- Wilson was in on it.
It gets better and better, don't it?!
Do you mean to tell me he wasn't even trying?
Look, it doesn't matter.
It's all history.
Then you had your close encounter
with the law. Who cares anyway?
Who cares?
I care, that's who!
I reckon Wilson cares.
That's lovely, innit?
Couple of has-beens
trying to even a score.
I think he's got the hump.
Psychology, innit?
Little bit of a gee-up?
And you knew an' all?
Yeah, everybody knew,
except you.
To be fair,
he was a bit tasty.
Was he?
Yeah.
He is a clever fighter.
A bit flash
but you can't take away his record.
- What's that make me - a mug?
- Nah, nah.
I'd say a word you're is
a natural fighter.
That's why they need an insurance
all them years ago.
That's the thing about
a natural fighter...
Knock you down, you get up again.
Who needs all that, eh?
Hell of a way to make a living either.
Good, good!
Get up on your toes.
Be the guv'nor, put it in,
go on, go on! That's it.
Come on, Terry, move!
Use your right!
Good, that's it. Lovely! Lovely!
Inside, inside.
Cut him off!
Terry, come on! Put it in,
go on, be the guv'nor!
I'd like to see a bit more venom.
I'd like to see less nicotine.
- You all right?
- Yeah.
Just like the old days.
Straight.
Come on, come on.
Chris the butcher is one of the Fancy.
At least show your respect.
Come on!
You're a bit of a celebrity now, you know,
apart from working for me that is.
Oi, I pay you now!
Yeah, and what
do I get, a pittance?
Oi, oi, oi!
All that sparring, prancing around you do,
that's job satisfaction for you.
I'm schlepping around, contracts,
tickets, GBH of the earhole from Soldier.
- Yeah, he is good, isn't he?
- Hello, Chris.
- Watcha.
- Hey, Terry!
You're gonna win.
I tell you, I know.
- He knows.
- For you...
best Scotch sirloin.
- God bless you.
- Hey, hey, hey. He could eat two of 'em.
Why not?!
You got the tickets?
Here you are - four.
A score a piece, best in the house.
- Score, they say £15?
- Aha, let me tell you about these.
You're not gonna believe this,
but me...
I had to buy those
tickets from a tout.
On my landlord's life.
It's caught the
public's imagination.
All right, Arthur.
I want to see my old pal.
You haven't a side of beef,
have you, Chris?
We could've a lovely snapshot
for the local rag of Terry
bashing the beef
like in 'Rocky'.
All cut up.
Spring lamb?
- Yeah! That'll do!
- Hold on! Hold on!
I'm not punching
a little English spring lamb.
That's your problem, you see.
No k*ller instinct.
Hey, hey,
I'll have one of them steaks.
- You won't. They're for me.
- Don't I eat?
As you're selling tickets over the odds,
you can buy yourself a turkey, can't you?
- And some chipolatas.
- All right.
You hit them in the chin,
I'll hit them in the pocket.
- Bon appetite.
- Bon voyage, tosh.
- Hello, Terry!
- Hello, Brenda.
I thought you'd be helping Jackie.
You're always good for a photo
at the weigh-in, isn't you?
- Don't do a lot of training this days.
- Oh, no?
Don't I get a little kiss?
Don't tell me, Brenda, he's got the flu?
Or he wants to do a deal
with somebody who wants a huge bet.
Those days are gone.
Who are you, the two of you?
It's a laugh, isn't it?
Don't I get a drink?
Yeah. Orange juice or grapefruit juice
or a couple of tea-bags.
- You really are serious.
- Yeah.
He's not.
He reckons he could beat you any time.
I used to think that.
- Should be a good fight then.
- Yeah,
but he could lose an eye.
Whose idea's that, yours or his?
Doctor says
he's got a detached retina.
- He shouldn't fight then, should he?
- He's got his pride.
Brenda, don't tell me,
tell him, alright?
Look, the fight doesn't mean anything,
no headlines!
Three lines in the local rag.
Look, if he don't want to fight, call it off.
I don't care, I'll fight someone else.
And what's he gonna do?
He's skint.
But we got two kids, mortgage,
debts up to here.
It's a joke fight. All I'm saying is,
let it be a joke fight.
What am I?
An all-in wrestler?
Old ladies like it.
- Good solicitor. Top man.
- I know. Is he in the attic?
A-ha, Mr Daley!
- Take a seat.
- Ta.
Oh, well, may I trouble you
for one of your fine la-de-da's, eh?
Seems that I've mislaid
my own cigar case.
Now, this is the document in question,
Mr Daley.
Yes, I had superb chambers
in Lincoln's Inn some years back.
Wanted to get back to the people...
grass roots.
Should've had an
office on the ground floor.
This typing's
not all that clever, is it?
Ah, dear old Miss Penrose.
There is a valuable aid but I'm afraid
her limp fingers aren't what they were.
Now I'm accepting an order
of a new word processor this week.
How's business, Mr Lynch?
Oh.
I'd say slow... ish.
No problem, Mr Daley?
No, no, seems alright,
short.
Ah, yes. You were expecting
a more an intricate document.
No, I've dispensed with the ramifications
with the ground landlord.
This is what I call a simple transfer
from tenant to tenant.
Yeah. But is it... er...
dare I use the word 'legal'?
Mr Daley,
I've worked for some of the largest
property companies in the states in the land.
If I were to flourish the name
- the Duke of Westminster.
Hang above.
I'm not gonna swallow that.
Not recently.
No, no. I'm talking about the old Duke,
not the young one,
another kettle of fish.
Well, if you just take this
to your solicitor.
My solicitor?
I met him in the street the other day,
I said, 'How are yer?'
Got a bill from him two days later.
I think
I've heard that remark before.
Never!
Paint everything got to be paint in white.
Brilliant white.
Including the cat if you could find it.
And you got two days.
A bit strong, innit?
I'm not talking about your Davey Ex.
Just splash it on,
white, white and more white.
- You gonna works like blacks.
- Thanks.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
No disrespect intended.
I mean, it's figure of speech, innit?
You know what I mean.
No, no. Works like three
sweety Irish navies.
- That's better, isn't it?
- That's even worse!
- Wait a minute. I know you.
- Yep.
- Tweaked up the carbs, right?
- Great.
How come you're suddenly the fastest
painter roller in Notting Hill Gate?
I'm moonlighting.
But it's during the daytime.
Ain't I allowed to go to the hospital
occasionally?
Oh, I suppose you're a consultant porter
down there, are you?
- Well, I don't care. Two days.
- Guaranteed.
Is there any chance of a sub?
- Sub?
- For materials, like.
You've got all your materials.
We must have give and take in business.
You're not even sweating.
That's fun, not running.
Come on.
How about a nice cup of tea?
Tea'd be lovely!
Come on!
There's a shower from there,
if you want one.
OK.
You haven't asked me
to come to the fight.
I didn't think you'd like to.
I've never seen a boxing match.
Thus one won't have a lot to do
with boxing.
No, just...
good for the punters, that's all.
Old pros slow down, you see.
You can see all the punches
and all the misses.
A bit pathetic, really.
You make it sound sad.
It is a bit.
- Is it painful?
- Nah. Well...
Body punches sometimes,
I suppose.
Mean, all the blood always looks
much worse for the punters than it really is.
And it's funny with pain...
depends whether you win or lose.
Anyway, you wouldn't like it.
I mean those special
the birds who go to fights.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Relaxing?
That's my boy.
I woke up this morning
and said to myself, this is it.
'Er indoors had a dream -
you won.
And she's very hot
on premonitions thing, you know?
When I had that Crown Court business
she had...
Oh, my Gawd!
Remember Nicky?
This is Arthur.
You haven't? In broad daylight,
a few hours before a fight.
- Nicky's just had a shower.
- We were jogging.
- That's what they call it nowadays, is it?
- Arthur!
You realise what you're doing?
Draining your vital fluids.
As for you, Miss, any more like you,
there'll be four million on the old King Cole.
This is my day off.
Yeah, handing out
your supplementing benefits.
Well, listen you.
Look, I'm sorry,
I didn't warn you about him, did I?
And I don't like his innuendo.
Well, cover yourself up
for a start.
- I'm as liberal as the next man.
- No, you're not.
- I walk into a well known bird-bandit's lair,
- Shut up!
Find some comely Richard
flaunts her 'arris from the gaff...
We're just about
to have some tea.
Tea?! You're suppose to be
having a medical check.
Alright. No sweat.
No sweat?
I'm the one who's sweating.
Any illnesses recently?
- No.
- What?
No, I've been alright.
I'm fine.
- Nothing wrong with your eyes, is there?
- No.
No, they're fine.
He's deaf as a post.
Doesn't mean he's not a good doctor.
Here, I'd like to have a go at that.
- I'd like mine done.
- Course you can.
Might as well. I bet
I've got higher pressure than you.
Excuse me...
DOCTOR!
You gonna be at the ringside?
Ringside?
You know, that big square thing
with ropes round it.
Yeah, of course!
Open your mouth please.
What?
Couple of nasty cavities at the back.
He's a bleeding dentist!
- You should see your dentist.
- What?
Yes, and you should see
your doctor as well.
Why?
- What?
- I said 'WHY'?
- I don't want to worry you.
- Well, you are!
And I'm not sleeping well
at nights either.
- How high is it?
- High enough.
Good Gawd!
The entrepreneur's disease!
They're dropping like flies
in Throgmorton Street.
Look at you. Fit as a flea.
That 'cos you don't do any work.
- What am I doing tonight then?
- Manual, innit? Physical.
Terry!
Churchill had what I've got.
Can't you give me a tablet
to get me through the night?
Just try your usual
dozen large vodkas.
That's nice.
I suppose you think that's funny?
Don't worry, Mr Daley.
Oral hygiene
is very important
but nobody's ever been known
to die from cavities.
What's he on about?
I think he's saying you'll get by.
Listen, Doctor,
have you examined Wilson?
Yes, he's fine.
- What about his eyes?
- Oh, A.1.
- Are you sure?
- Are you doubting my competence?
Not at all, sir.
No, I wouldn't dream of it.
God help us. If he's the doctor,
what'd you reckon on the referee?
I hope you don't expect too much help from me
in the corner, Terry, with my problem.
Terry!
You could give me a heart attack!
Come on!
Cor blimey!
- Why ain't he saying anything?
- He's edgy, ain't he?
- Bit of pressure, see?
- Don't use that word. I'm ill.
- Is he confident?
- Course he is.
I haven't see 'em like him - mean.
I am here, you know? I can talk.
Len Harvey was the same.
Calm,
but at the same time, edgy.
Calm and edgy.
Wonderful, isn't it?
He's ready to do the business.
He's got inner-confidence.
Yeah?
OK, chaps?
A capacity crowd.
Yeah, I sold most of them tickets.
I still haven't had any of the money yet.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
- How's your boy?
- Oh, terrific, terrific!
All right,
let's do some shadow boxing.
Come on, up on your toes.
That's it. Inside, inside!
Good, that's it. Good, good.
Now that's the boy!
That's it.
That's for the tickets.
Any... betting around?
Plenty.
Even Steven, see.
You fancy him Terry?
I'm not a betting man,
but he's fit.
I... I hear Wilson hasn't
done a lot of work.
He likes er...
the odd drink and all that.
- But he's got the class.
- Yeah.
But you wanna bet on Terry?
Well...
Who do I see?
- Me.
- I should've known.
You're due a monkey on the purse,
why not you double it?
Yeah, but he loses,
I lose everything then.
Quick, aren't you?
Terry!
- What's that?
- That's Eric's cousin.
She fought Jack Bodell.
She goes to the loser.
Ladies and gentlemen!
This is the main event
tonight boxing.
A middleweight bout
of 10 rounds boxing
introducing the Fulham Typhoon,
Terry McCann.
That's my boy!
- Is that your idea?
- It's an image, innit?
And
one of the greats...
Ex-middleweight Champion of Britain
and the Commonwealth...
Jackie Wilson!
Your referee for tonight
is Bernie Shanilands!
I hope you got your notebook,
Andy.
There's plenty of faces around here
on the wanted list.
It's Archie Harris,
he's supposed to be in Parkhurst!
You've plenty of time, Terry,
let's feel him out.
Knock him out now.
Let's go home early.
Seconds away, round one!
[BELL]
Get him out, Tel!
Go on!
Use your left! Your left!
Go on, Terry, be the guv'nor.
Launch his boat, Terry!
Fight with him, son!
Come on, Terry!
Come on, Tel,
you can do better than that!
[BOOS, JEERS]
[BELL]
Don't let him sit down,
he'll go to sleep.
- What's going on?
- He don't want to fight.
That's no reason for you
not to fight.
- I've got dough on this.
- On who?
Who else?
The Fulham Typhoon.
So let's get busy.
You do something.
Tell him about Len Harvey
and Tommy Farr!
Just settle down.
You've got nothing to beat.
Be first, son!
Seconds away!
Round Two!
[BELL]
Take it easy, eh?
I'm knackered.
- I've got a dodgy eye.
- Fall over, then.
Break it up.
I don't mean anything.
Don't hit my eye.
- What then?
- Body shots, thats OK?
- Bloody fall over then.
- Make it good then.
Don't need...
- He conned me.
- It's over, son.
No, it ain't.
Come on, Terry boy!
Terry!
Come on, m*rder him, come on.
Don't bloody stop 'em, Bernie.
Right, Bernie.
It's the best fight of the night.
Let him through.
Let him through.
- Hey! You owe me money, Taff.
- Oh. You reckon?
Definitely.
He won, didn't he?
Well, that's a point of debate.
I mean, the ref stopped it.
You tell that to Wilson. We're not
talking about Missis Queensberry's Rules!
- You know what I'm gonna do, Arthur?
- No.
Well, like those fights
that my da talked about.
Never say that I'm not generous.
You've got a result, Arthur.
- Proud of you, son.
- Street fight.
Yeah. Well...
Most fighters start there.
Great!
We're on again next month.
- Forget that.
- Forget it?!
The world is your lobster, my son.
You've a new career.
People's champion.
I had a career seven years ago.
Remember?
Get him away at all!
He'll have my bleedin' teeth out.
What are you doing?
You supposed to be taking us to lunch!
Couple of minutes. I'm just refurbishing
one of my new properties. Hang about.
- Does it hurt?
- Nah, a little bit, that's all.
If you had a real job, you could claim
industrial compensation.
Compensation from Arthur?
Ha-ha-ha. Ooh, ooh.
Who are you?
I might ask the same of you.
I happen to own this apartment.
What are you, a squatter?
I live here.
Oh, no!
Not Harry's wife!
I'm afraid you've been blown out,
my dear.
If you will go off
with double-glazing salesman,
desert the domestic home.
I'm not surprised
Harry's sold the gaff.
Sold?
This is a council flat!
Madam, I happen to be
the legal tenant.
- What did you say?
- It's a council flat.
Oh, my Gawd!
I'm sick.
- A good lunch'll sort you out.
- Oh, food...
- Yeah, and you're paying for it!
- Terry, I want to go home.
You all right?
Dirty Harry's ripped me off.
And a jack's just gone right up my Haywain.
No, don't make me laugh.
Owh!
DENNIS WATERMAN:
"I Could Be So Good For You"
♪ If you want to
I'll change the situation
♪ Right people right time
♪ Just the wrong location
♪ I've got a good idea
♪ Just you keep me near,
I'll be so good for you
♪ I could be so good for you,
I'm gonna help you
♪ Love you like you want me to
♪ I'll do anything for you ooh-ooh
♪ I'll be so good for you
♪ I could be so good for you
♪ I'll do it like you want me to
♪ Love you like you want me to
♪ There ain't nothing
I can't go through ooh-ooh
♪ I'll be so good for you ♪
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