Louder Than Bombs (2015)

[bunniefuu]

Okay.

- We'll get the hang of it.
- Yeah.

Okay. There you go.

[shushing]

Where'd you put the food? I'm starving.

Oh, sh*t!

Oh, God. I...

I put the food by the door.

I'm so sorry.
I will get you something else.

I'm okay.

No, you're exhausted and you need
something to eat.

I will go get you something, okay?
Lie down.

The stuff they brought earlier
was f*cking disgusting.

Yes, I know it was disgusting.

Could you not say f*cking
around the baby, maybe just like...

- Give it a week, don't you think?
- Yeah, one week.

Okay, one week. All right, lie down.

Okay?

I'll be back in a minute, all right?

Your daddy's gonna get
your mommy some f*cking food.

- A week.
- And he'd better f*cking hurry.

That's very funny.

[door closes]

Excuse me, do you know where--
Is there-- Okay.

Erin...

-Jonah.
-Hi.

Hi.

I... I thought you moved to Brooklyn.

Yeah, no, I did. I...

My mom still lives here so...

I'm here with her for...
for a little while, I think.

I heard you were still at the college.

Yeah.

- Teaching or...?
- Yeah, I'm a professor now.

- That was fast.
- Yeah.

I hope it's nothing too serious, is it?

Yeah, you know...

It's tough, she's not even 60.

sh*t.

- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- No, it's...

I really always liked her.

Yeah, she... she really liked you, too.

You actually...

You actually made
quite the impression on her.

She's... been kind of tough
on my boyfriends

ever since we broke up.

- Come on.
- No, really.

Are you okay?

What are you doing here?

Well, my wife...

[nervous chuckle]

Amy, she...

Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.

Yeah, thank you.

Thanks.

What took you so long?

Nothing. Everything was closed.

[baby whines]

- Sorry.
- It's all right.

Isabelle, it's all right.

Isabelle, look at me.

It's okay.

You're okay.

[children screaming]

[children screaming]

[g*nf*re]

[woman]
It's very difficult conditions of work,

you have no infrastructure.

When you get to places,
you just have to wait most of the time.

[screaming continues]

[g*nf*re continues]

[man] Very often, we'd be
working together somewhere.

You know, photographers everywhere.
Something would happen,

they'd go to it like bees,

looking at the same thing,
focus on the same thing.

She'd get the shot.

[man 2]...producing memorable images
under extreme hazards.

Congratulations.

[applause]

[woman] When I first started, I thought
the job was to get as close as possible.

The exciting part of it was probably
what drew me to it.

Then I became confused
and I thought I had to stay

until after the tanks had left
to show the damage, maybe,

- The consequences, the toll of w*r.
- The consequences.

[phone ringing]

But, yes, the other side of the w*r.

Yeah, I think that's most of
my photographs,

my recent photographs
are the testimony of.

[Charlie Rose]
How long will you do this?

And when will you know it's time?

I think it's...

Yes, it's my responsibility.

No, I don't think I should stop.
Why should I?

[woman] In a twist of fate,

having finally quit the hazardous world
of conflict photography,

Isabelle Reed died in a car accident

less than a mile from her home
in Nyack, New York.

She was 57 years old,
leaving behind her husband and two sons.

Well, you get the idea.

It has to be this brief.

People don't like to watch long films
as part of an exhibition.

Sure, sure.

Well, it seems...
it seems totally fine to me.

Some of the prints of her photos
are already done.

Did you see them on the way up?

No, I didn't get a chance.

- [woman 1] They look great.
- [woman 2] Yeah.

- Good.
- [woman 1] We wanted to ask you--

I know it's been a while, but have you
kept any of her material at your house,

something we could take a look at?

I'm afraid it's...
it's all a bit of a mess.

Could there be something
from her last trip?

The one to Syria.
I never saw any pictures from that.

Well, I'll run it by Jonah and...

Well... I don't see any reason
why you can't have a look.

Great, we appreciate it.

Did they tell you I'm doing an article
about Isabelle for the New York Times,

- sort of a build up to the exhibition?
- Yeah, they told me.

She always thought the one in print

had been cropped a bit too much
on the right, down here.

- Oh, yes.
- I see what she meant.

So... when I write this article,

I don't think I can avoid
mentioning how she died.

That it wasn't really an accident.

Yeah.

So, are you saying that you
want to write that she k*lled herself?

Gene, I don't want to be a part
of romanticizing what we do.

Isabelle wouldn't either.

I mean, this is hard.
It takes a toll, and...

Well, I don't have to tell you,
but it was hard on her.

Yeah.

- Yeah.
- So... it's been a few years,

so I just wanted you
and the boys to know before the...

before the article comes out.

And they know
what really happened, right?

Well, Jonah obviously does, yeah.

But Conrad-- Well, he was 1 2 so...

That's a conversation.

Here, let me show you something else.

[woman speaking
distorted in background]

[school bell rings]

[phone rings]

-Yeah?
-[Gene] Hey.

- It's me.
- Yeah, I know, Dad.

So what are you doing?

I'm just with Kenneth and some others.

Okay.

No I just wondered what time
you were coming home?

Don't know.

I'm making tacos.

Yeah, I'm kind of busy right now, Dad.
I'll talk to you later.

♪♪ [rock music plays on radio]

[door shuts]

Hello?

[door slams]

Can I come in?

[video game noises]

What are you playing?

Are you the girl?

- It's a sorceress.
- A what?

- I play other characters, too.
- Yeah.

You know that meeting
I had this morning?

Well, Richard was there.
You remember Richard, don't you?

Well, he's gonna be writing this
article, and it just reminded me

that there was some stuff that you
and I, we just needed to talk about.

Can you turn that off?

Or you can just put it on pause?

Conrad, can you...
can you please turn that off?

Get out!

Get the f*ck out.

Don't you speak to me like that.

I'm just trying to talk to you.

All right, stop this.
Stop this. Stop it.

This isn't funny. Stop it!

[door opens, shuts]

[crickets chirping]

Wake up.

[students chatter]

"But now as he sink further and further
from the waves above,

it wasn't the crucial moments
that came to him.

Instead his thoughts traveled
to the outer reaches

of his memory,
small events long forgotten.

He remembered a sentence he had read

in the paper a few days ago
and didn't understand.

He thought of an old suitcase

he had stored in his uncle's attic,

a brief glance from a stranger,

inconsensual fragments of presence--"

Inconsequential.

Inconsequential.

"Inconsequential fragments

all present at once
during his final seconds.

Seconds that were not seconds anymore,

but stretched out to minutes.

Time suspended."

"Seconds that were not seconds anymore,

but stretched out to minutes.

Time suspended. "

What could she have been thinking?

What went through her mind when she
realized the accident was unavoidable?

She remembered lying on the beach,
dozing off,

feeling the wind blowing
grains of sand on her face,

thinking that if she just kept
still long enough,

it would end up covering her.

Maybe she remembered places.

Our house.

The hallway.

The living room.

Maybe she even thought about him.

She could have.

Some little thing.

Something he himself had forgotten.

- Conrad!
- He was hiding.

- Listening to her calling out his name.
- Where are you?

He realized now she must have seen him,

all the time he was standing there.

She just pretended not to,

never straying too far away,

always watching him
from the corner of her eye.

[teacher] Conrad?

Conrad.

Conrad.

She seems to be implying

that the belief that
wisdom comes with old age is a myth.

Wouldn't you agree?

[cell phone buzzes]

- Yeah?
- [Gene] Hey.

- It's me.
- Yeah, I know, Dad.

So what are you doing?

I'm with Kenneth and some others.

Okay.

No, I just wondered what time
you were coming home?

Don't know.

[girls chattering]

- I'm making tacos.
- Yeah.

I'm kinda busy right now, Dad.
I'll talk to you later.

[wind rustles]

♪♪ [cafe music]

How about just a coffee.

Thank you so much.

[barista] Can I help you?

[Isabelle] And I was amazed because
I couldn't feel anything.

But it was like...

I felt like I was...

...outside of it.

All I could think was
this will destroy me,

my life will never be the same.

You make it sound like
that might be a good thing.

[Isabelle]
And you were there, too.

- [Gene] Really?
- [Isabelle] Yeah, just watching.

[Gene] Just watching.

[Isabelle] I couldn't see you,
but I could smell your cigarette.

[Gene] My cigarette?

In my dream, you are a smoker.

[chuckles]

So, why are you telling me this?

I'm just wondering what it means, but...

But it's only a dream.

You want me to tell you what it means?

Okay.

You think I'm passive and boring,
or something like that.

But really, you're bored because
you're hanging around the house all day.

And you want to pick a fight with me.

Interesting.

Did I touch a nerve?

Yeah, it did touch a nerve,
if you don't mind me saying so.

This guy who's...

...sitting there,
not saying anything, just watching...

But you were not doing...

No, you were just...

Was it like... Was it like this?

Or like this?

Or like this...

I don't know, but it was very scary.

Really?

[door shuts]

♪♪ [upbeat music plays]

Are you sleeping in?

- Great to see you.
- Hi.

- Good to see you too.
- So... where's Amy and the baby?

Yeah, we finally decided against it.

It's a six hour drive
with a baby in the car...

- Yeah, I understand.
- Yeah.

Sure. Okay, well...

Let me get dressed and I'll see you
in a moment, okay?

Sure, take your time.

You want a cup of coffee?

[Jonah]
Dad lets you eat that stuff?

Yeah.

That's interesting.

Whoops!

You can see that I've started there.
They're just...

- Yeah. Yeah.
- You know, put aside some junk.

You know, we can let
the agency deal with this.

We can't give this
to the gallery people.

I want to go through everything first.

Remember that tacky
photo book they made?

Listen, Dad, Mom was so protective
of her stuff, okay?

I wouldn't even know we'd be
giving them. Look at this.

Yes, we wouldn't want this to fall
into the wrong hands, would we?

What are you do--
What are you even looking at here?

This is your head shot?

People saw this and said,
"Yes, we would like him."

What is that look on your face?

You look like
you're about to m*rder somebody

on this side of the photograph.

Turn it over.

She kept it because she thought it was a
really good photo of me.

My agent thought my good looks would
hamper a serious acting career.

Yeah, your career might be hampered?
You were too attractive?

- That was your problem.
- Too attractive.

Why don't we get some breakfast?

No, I'm fine.

I think I have a pretty good idea
about how to do this.

Come on. You haven't
been here for a while. Let's...

- Let's do it together.
- Actually I'd love to just get started.

Okay, sure.

[knocking]

- How is everything?
- [Jonah] Fine.

Did you find the towel?

Yeah, the one that was on the bed.

-Yeah.
-Yeah.

I had my room all ready for you guys.

Good.

It's... It's really great
to have you here.

- Thanks.
- I've been thinking, you know.

I think it's time we told Conrad
what happened with Isabelle.

Wait...

Why... why now?

Because he is older.

And... you know this article
that Richard is gonna write.

I'm sure it's gonna be tasteful,
but he wants to mention it.

That's what he told me.

Well, I mean, he can't...

He can't do that.
Did you tell him he can't do that?

You know, I've really
been thinking about this,

and I think that Conrad
has a right to know.

Yeah.

It's not been so great
with me and him lately.

That's why I'm really thrilled
that you're here.

- So...
- Goodnight.

[door closes]

[Gene] He thinks I can't hear anything
when he's on those earphones,

but you know,
I know that he's up late every night,

playing with... games with these kids

from New Zealand or Japan or wherever.

So I got this idea to log on...

But you can't just start playing,
you know, you have to,

you have to make up a character,
so I spent hours doing that.

And then I spent a really long time

walking around in that world.
Looking for him.

So last night,
I log on, I am so excited.

I'm walking around in this world...

And suddenly I see him, there he is.

And he looks over and sees me,

and I'm looking at him
and he's looking at me.

[character groans]

[chuckles] Oh, no.

[Gene] Yeah. I just wanted us
to have some fun, you know.

[woman] That sounds like fun.

I mean, he didn't even know it was me.

Yeah.

It's kind of pathetic really, isn't it?

He's a good kid, you know.

It's just a difficult age.

♪♪ [jazz music plays]

[Gene] She was young.

Somebody had said late 30s.

No children.

But she seemed younger.

No, not when she smiled.

And how did he appear to her
in this harsh classroom school lighting?

Those earrings are just wrong.

Why wear something like that
to a teachers' get together?

Was it for him?

No, he was just being conceited.

She was just being friendly,
being new at the school,

being his colleague and all.

Oh, by the way,

I think you're going to have my youngest
son, Conrad,

- in your English class next year.
- Youngest?

I've got two boys.

And the eldest is finishing
his PhD in Sociology.

That's impressive.

He's gonna be teaching next year
and his wife is pregnant,

which means I'm gonna be a grandfather.

-I can't believe it.
-Congratulations.

Thank you.

Why the hell did he
have to mention that?

She was probably thinking
of her grandfather, now,

the odor of tobacco and urine.

Phones with large dials,
dying slowly of throat cancer.

- What's so funny?
- Nothing. Nothing. Not really, nothing.

[both chuckle]

♪♪ [R&B music playing]

Thank you.

[both laughing]

- Can I tell you something?
- Yeah.

I shouldn't really be telling you this,
but f*ck it.

This is the first time

that I've slept with somebody, properly,

since my wife passed away,
which was two years ago.

Properly?

Well, there were one or two...

- ...incidences.
- Improper ones.

I was... I was too tense.

Yeah... It's just...

It's, you know, when you get older,

you're just more conscious
of your body and the way it...

It's getting weird,
sneaking around like this.

It's uncomfortable
looking at Conrad in class

and pretending he's
just like the other kids.

Yeah.

[Isabelle]
It was early and freezing.

There was a group of men
preparing the burial of a young boy.

Children were dying daily.

I felt I had to get this one right.

That this might convey something
about what was going on.

And there was this man,

I thought he had to be the boy's father.

I was searching for some sign
that it was okay to be there,

that he accepted me.

I'm faced with this every time.

Can I take a photo
that tells their story?

The way they would
if they could tell it?

And is that my job?

Or shouldn't I instead use this family
to tell something bigger,

and in some ways, more important?

At the risk of reducing them
to an example, to victims.

In times of w*r or extreme poverty.

The codes for civilized behavior
are suspended.

In so called normal life,
no one would go into a house

where people are grieving
and photograph them.

I try to approach people with respect,

I try not to speak too loud,
or move too fast.

I want to be open.

I want to feel open
in my heart towards them.

And... they do sense it.

Even with no words at all.

Hey, buddy.

Come sit down.

I just wanted to talk to you.

And I wanted to know... if...

...if you ever think about Mom?

Do you ever think about
the car accident?

- Why?
- Well...

There's no story in a car accident,
you know,

so people... people have to make one up.

They have to invent some things
that they have something to blame,

- or something, you know. It's...
- [Gene] Hello?

It's very normal but...
honestly, it was just bad luck.

I mean, it's f*cked up but...

it's not like it was
anyone's fault or anything.

You know?

He's not doing that well.

I don't think you should tell him
what you told me last night.

- You know?
- I don't know. I--

Don't you think he deserves
to know the truth?

The truth? What is the truth?

What, some story that Richard
wants to write, how is that the truth?

He's gonna make her out to seem like
she's some kind of depressed person.

No, I don't think he will.

But she was depressed,
you know that, right?

I mean, you were away at college.
I mean...

Sometimes I think it must have been
really hard for you.

I mean, it was a tough year.

You didn't know
what was really going on.

I mean, it was...

Yeah. You couldn't know
what was going on.

Actually, I did know what was going on,

'cause she'd call me all the time,
like, when she wouldn't talk to you,

she would talk to me,
so I spoke to her all the time.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

Anyway, I guess this story
suits you perfectly,

'cause then you can make her out
to be the negligent parent

and you can be
like the perfect parent...

Yeah...

- I don't want to argue about this.
- No?

I guess I don't, either.

Just think really hard
about what you're doing here, because...

I mean, even if you see her that way,

I don't think Conrad has to.

[chattering]

- It's Gene's baby.
- It's not my baby.

- That's so cute.
- Yeah.

- That is priceless.
- Lt is.

Look at that. Is that the mother?

- She's young.
- She's 28.

Look at that one.

Yeah, this was taken
just after she woke up.

♪♪ [dance music playing]

Oh, my God!

That was so weird.

Oh, my God!

Dude, you're like the Billy Elliot
of hip-hop.

[soft chuckle]

Hey, man, I'm sorry.
No, no. It was funny. It was really...

It was really weird,
but it was really funny.

It was funny, it was funny. It was fine.

What was it anyway?
What are you watching?

- What are we listening to? What is that?
- It's old.

What else are you watching here?

Birds, skeleton, decomposing...
This is what you look at?

Here...

You're not gonna, like,
sh**t up a school one day, are you?

[Jonah]
What is this? What are we looking at?

What are we watching here?

- Just wait and watch...
- Okay.

[woman] Is there somebody in charge
that I can see?

- Dr. Scanlon.
- Dr. Scanlon?

Dr. Scanlon?

Dr. Scanlon...

- Excuse me, Dr. Scanlon?
- Wait for it...

Excuse me, doctor?

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God.

Is that real?

That's horrible. Don't look at us.

- Look at his hair.
- Oh, God, that's so creepy.

Yeah, sure.

- Wait, how did you find this?
- No, wait. Watch.

Any chance--

- Oh, my God!
- Are you okay?

Where are you? Where are you?
Okay, okay.

- No, look everywhere. Like up, down.
- Oh, my God!

- Everywhere...
- Okay, okay, okay.

Okay, I'm going up the thing.

Yeah, don't you think these games
are kind of stupid?

You're aware that this is like
a very one-dimensional

representation of US military
Intervention, right?

It's very realistic.

- It's like really being there, you know?
- Right.

And when you wear the headphones,
it's like everywhere.

Okay.

Right. But do you think it's fun?

Do you agree?

What is that?

[Conrad] I don't know.

- Did you write this?
- Yeah.

[Conrad] "Am I crazy thinking about
setting fire to Marion Wilkinson's hair?

Hair that burns always
smell really bad.

In 1999, three other boys with the name
Conrad Reed were born.

I use eight sheets of toilet paper,
sometimes 12.

I wonder if people use more or less.

I have 14 pairs of socks
if I count the warm woolen ones.

I got 14 pairs of underwear.

Twenty T-shirts,


sixteen DVDs, 121 films on my computer.

After Mom died in the accident,

Dad and I went on a trip to Egypt.

Kenneth didn't even know
that Egypt is in Africa.

I like clips that are short and real.

It has to be real.

Goosebumps are real.

I don't like when people
try to be funny.

I saw a woman wearing
Mom's green sweater.

Dad said it couldn't be her sweater.

He didn't give her clothes
to the Salvation Army

to avoid meeting her clothes like that.

I remember Mom giving me a hug
in that sweater.

It felt stiff like I didn't want her
to give me a hug,

but I really wanted her
to give me a hug.

My characters, Mechazar,
Orthac, Grimgash, Killz.

Lindir is the High Elf.
I played her till Level 41,

but I prefer playing a Nightblade.

The highest stamina I ever had
was Brian Bartu.

He almost didn't really--

Once we stopped over in London on--

The most times
I've jerked off in one day:

Sometimes when I wear my headphones,
I think I'm breathing too loud.

So I stop, but then when
I start again, it's even louder.

Jonah reminds me of Mom.
He's small and super smart.

And when he laughs,
his face looks weird, but in a good way.

I eat the green M&Ms last.

In the beginning,
it was because I didn't like them.

But now, I like them fine.

Red are the best.

Dad is everywhere.

When I turn around, he's there.

I can hold my breath for over a minute.

A body starts to decompose
soon after you're dead.

It's two times faster underwater
than in the air.

It's four times slower if you're buried.

If it's cold,
it slows it down even more.

In the tropics, a dead body
can decompose in, like, under a day.

Sometimes, I wish there were two of me.

Mom once showed me how she could
change the meaning of a picture

by framing it differently.

It had a profound effect on me.

Mom was one of
the best photographers ever.

It even says so on Wikipedia.

I know I know French.

I remember in France with Mom,

I'd understand stuff,
but I can't in school.

Listening and talking
must be different parts of the brain.

Brain cells die in minutes,

but skin cells taken 24 hours
after death can still grow in a lab.

People say hair and nails grow
after death, but they don't.

It's the skin that shrinks,
so it may look like it in a way.

In a dream, I was back
in kindergarten with Dad.

I told him stuff and he,
like, understood.

He looked at me and said things,

but didn't say stuff when I didn't want
him to say anything.

There are days when I'm invisible
and I can do whatever I want.

I must be careful
not to lose that ability.

When Mom was in Iraq,
we always had dates in the house.

I was nine and I found a b*llet
with some of Mom's stuff.

I swallowed it.

Maybe it's still inside me.

Dad followed me today
like he did just after Mom died.

I felt I had to do something important.

So I wanted to show him I visit Mom's
grave but I couldn't find it.

And I just fell down on another one. "

Dude.

That's amazing.

It's... Seriously,
it's really, really weird.

But, thank God.

Dad's really stalking you like that?

What the hell is he doing?
He can't do that.

Jesus. And you just fell down
on somebody's grave?

- Whose was it?
- Some random guy.

[chuckles]

- Valez or something.
- Really?

Valez.

It's, like, really weird,
but interesting.

It's really-- It's really good.

[door shuts]

Hi.

- Hi.
- Hey.

[speaks French]

Come here. Here, let me get your stuff.

I decided I would go
directly to the airport.

Yeah?

You had another fight with Dad?

Why don't you two just get divorced
already? Just get it over with.

The press has changed.
The public's attention is so fragmented.

There's too much noise now.

[man] So why do you still do it?

[Isabelle] Because I'm good at it.

I make a very good living out of it.

Yeah.

[Jonah] I would say
you're definitely good at it.

Yes.

[teeth brushing]

She's nice.

- [Jonah] Who?
- The girl at the party.

Is she your girlfriend?

No. No.

No.

No, I mean... I don't really...

I don't really think I have time for it.

You're so good at what you do.
You should have fun, you know?

Jonah?

I'm glad I came.

I had fun.

Recently, I have felt really tired.

I don't know why.

It's really good being here with you.

It makes me feel like...

Like I can still feel...

...passionate about things.

Tu dors?

Yeah, sorry. It's just, like,
it's such a mess up here.

My father just has not dealt
with any of my mother's stuff so...

But weren't you supposed to
lecture here this week?

It's not...
It's not my fault

if the gallery people keep, like,
f*cking it up, is it?

- I'm just trying to talk to you.
- Sorry, I know.

No, I know. Listen...

I'll be back later tonight, okay?
I've already packed.

I'll... I'll call you
from the road, okay? Bye.

♪♪ [rock music playing on radio]

- Hi.
- Hi.

I was driving around the neighborhood
and I saw your light was on.

Yeah.

I was wondering how you were doing.

No, I got to spend a lot of time
with her, which was good.

Yeah?

Yeah. I just...

Not really how you
want to remember someone.

- Sure. Yeah.
- You know?

And...

I'm sorry to drop by like this.

- No, no.
- No, it's stupid. I just...

Yeah, I just like...

I have a lot going
on right now, actually.

You know, we've actually had sex
in this bedroom before.

- Yeah, I know.
- Yeah.

You know what?

You know, I still haven't told Amy
about my mother,

about how she died.

- Why?
- I don't know.

I mean, when we first started dating,
it was not like...

...a wonderful topic of conversation,
you know?

But then, everything just moved so fast.

It became too late.

Sometimes I'm sure she's gonna leave me.

Really?

Does she still have her hair?

Her hair?

Yeah, that was the part that, like...

- really bugged me about my mom.
- Oh, her hair.

Yeah, she has her hair still, so...

- Great.
- Yeah. Thanks for asking.

Oh, my God.

What?

I was...

...clearing out the last
of my mom's stuff the other day

and I didn't realize that I...

Wait, did we just have sex
with your mother's condoms?

We might have done that. I think we did.

- Jesus Christ.
- Oh, my God.

What-- Could you check the date?

- Jonah?
- I'm sorry.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, she was this lively person.

She was not this depressed...

I know, you talked about her
all the time.

Really?

Did she live up to it?

Yeah.

Yeah.

But...

No buts, I...

You know, I didn't
expect her to be so...

...fragile.

Fragile?

Yeah.

I don't know. That's not the right word.

- She was--
- No. No, it's just interesting.

Would you have said that if you didn't
know what happened to her later?

- No, probably not.
- Right.

Oh, sh*t.

You're lucky.

I am? Why am I lucky?

[woman on PA mumbling]

No, that's not me.

Because you've got everything
you want in one place.

Except you.

Except me.

I've had this feeling lately. I...

I can't really explain it, but...

I feel that...

...every time you go away,

I half expect that you're
not gonna come back.

I understand. It's normal.

Is it?

After this, I slow down. I promise.

If it wasn't for you,
I would have stopped a long time ago.

You know most
of the other people I work with

don't have anything
to go back to like I have.

They...

They're like addicts.
As soon as they go home...

- Aren't you like that?
- ...they want to leave again.

Aren't you like that?

No, not at all.

I don't want to be the one
to tell you to stop.

I stopped. I gave up acting.

I never asked you to give it up.

I know, I know you didn't.
I know you didn't.

Do you hear what you're saying?
You hear how selfish that is?

No, it's our life.
It's our family's life.

- Me and those two--
- I thank you, I thank you.

When they call me
and they told me that you were hurt,

you know the first thing I thought?
About the kids, not about you.

Because that's what I've
been expecting for years.

And there it is.

"Afghan Refugees Camps
Struggle in Search of Aid."

It's great.

Anyway, thanks for taking me today.

You're welcome. I wanted to.

I know I said
I wouldn't do this anymore.

After this, I'll slow down. I promise.

[groans]

I can't believe they still do this sh*t.

- They're really good.
- Oh, yeah?

Yeah, they got second place in,
like, some competition.

That's amazing.

- There.
- Which one?

Gray hoodie.

What happened to her arm?

Man, she'll miss the game on Friday.

She--

- [phone ringing]
- sh*t.

- Hey, sorry.
- [Amy] Where are you? Are you okay?

[Jonah] Yeah. No, no. I'm actually...

I'm still here.
Did you not get my message?

[Amy] No. What's happening?

Yeah, no, no.
It's just been crazy up here.

Yeah, no. I kept thinking I would

actually make it
back and then I'm actually...

I'm in the middle of a meeting
with a gallery right now.

Yeah, there was kind of a mix up.

I really need to talk to you.

Yeah, I will Skype you as soon as I get
back to the house though, okay?

- Yeah.
- What was that?

No, I don't...
What? I don't know.

No, I don't know what that was. But...

I miss you and... yeah, I gotta go.

- Okay, call me.
- Bye.

You know, if I had a girl,
I'd never lie to her.

Yeah? Good luck with that.

I'm gonna give it to her.

- What?
- You know, the stuff you read.

To her? Are you serious?

Yeah. I want her to know me.

Okay, listen.

I thought you were kind of, like,
backwards and really weird...

...but it turns out you're not.

You're... I mean,
you're actually pretty cool.

And that stuff you wrote,
really, that stuff was...

It was excellent.

Still... and I'm telling you this
because I love you,

that girl is never gonna
go for you, no way.

I'm sorry. She's just not.

It's not your fault. I mean,
it's not her fault either.

It's high school.
And, like, the hierarchy here,

the status of looks
and social skills and all this bullshit

is stricter here than
anywhere else in the world.

And that's why you should never
give those notes to that girl.

I mean, look at her.
She's not gonna get it.

Look at her friends.
They're gonna laugh at you.

I mean, they'd be wrong, because you are
way cooler than they will ever be.

You really are.

But... but they'll destroy you.

Just lay low for a few years.

Sit it out, okay? It gets better.

Do you understand me?

Okay.

[teacher] Time's up.

This looks right. Just fill it back in.

No.

Why did you erase it?

It's okay. Just fill it back in
while I collect the others.

No!

That's not fair.

[students snickering]

Stop joking around. Just do as I say.

Sit down!

Sit down!

I must admit, I'm a bit lost here.

- Me too.
- And, Conrad...

You still have nothing
to stay for yourself?

You know, I don't think
this will happen again.

Listen... I'm not gonna see her again.

I know I f*cked up.

I don't always do the right thing,

and I end up making these
really stupid mistakes, I'm sorry.

Is it-- Is it difficult
for you to talk to me?

I mean, we don't always
have to agree about everything,

but I think it's really important

that you and I are
able to talk to each other.

You remember when... when you were
a kid and we used to just--

Please...

[chattering]
[horns honking]

Wow!
It's beautiful!

When did you do this drawing? Today?

No? Before I came back.

Look at this. Isn't it pretty?

Floating in the desert.
But you are very talented, Conrad.

Very talented.

I missed you so, you know?

Yeah.

I'm so happy to be back.

[printer whirring]

Yeah?

Could you give this to Melanie, please?

Melanie, it's for you!

- [Melanie] Who is it?
- It's a friend of yours.

Hold on, I'll be there in a minute.

[knocks softly]

Thanks.

I'd rather you went through it
than those agency people.

[Richard]
Do you take anything with it?

Black.

Sameena's moved to Jackson Heights.
With the kids.

And she has gone back to school.

She wants to be an architect at 45.

Oh, well, it's all good.

Look, I don't know
how to say this, but I've...

Did you have an affair with Isabelle?

Yeah.

Yes. Yes, I did.

Did it go on for long?

A while.

On and off.

But it was never here.

It was never stateside.
It wasn't like...

I wanted to be with her, Gene.

I was ready to leave Sameena
and everything.

But for her, it only made sense
when we were working.

So when she stopped going...

...that was it.

She wanted to be with you and the boys.

Yeah.

She wanted to make that work.

I never believed her.

[Gene] I was so...

I was just so angry.

I had this feeling all the time that...

...you know,
that one day she was just...

She was just gonna
get up and leave again.

[Isabelle]
One morning, you're over there

doing something you feel is important...

But it's hard as well, you know.

You can't wait to go back home.

Then finally, you're here.

You always arrive exhausted...

...having changed planes,
like, four times.

You follow your convictions,
your dreams,

your passions, and then all of a sudden,
one day, that's your life.

And you are split,
just right down the middle.

Yeah, but you don't have to,
you have a choice.

Yes.

But you can't plan for what happens
after you make that choice.

One morning, you find yourself
somewhere in the world,

doing what you believe in,
what you feel is important,

and it is frustrating as hell,

because you cannot wait
to get back home again.

And then you are home and...

...and you're exhausted, you've...

And it's been a day and a half...

Getting home,
changing planes four, five times,

and all you want to do
is get some rest, so...

You know, to catch up.

[Isabelle]
But you hear them.

Trying to be quiet,
just waiting for you to come out.

They don't know how much they have
changed since last time you saw them.

Thank you for the luggage.

You have to learn all the names
of the new things they're interested in.

Things that will change again
a month from now.

Television programs, films, you know,

foods that they like now,
which they didn't like before and...

[Isabelle] After a few days,
you feel better in the role.

No, it's not even a role.

You like it.

They want you there.

They love you.

You can feel it.

And you love them, too.
More than anything.

But you still feel like
you're in the way.

In the way of what they usually do.

Again, you get the feeling
you are in the wrong place.

It's not that they don't want you there.

But...

... they don't really need you.

[students chatter]

[Gene] Hello?

Hey.

You okay?

[Jonah] I thought you said it wouldn't
come out till the end of the month.

It's a really big piece.

He puts it into context,
just like you said he would.

And he seems to know her really well.

Is that what you wanted?

Did Conrad see this?

I don't know. I haven't seen him.

Hi, this is Conrad.
Please leave a message after the tone.

[Gene] Conrad, it's me.

It's kind of important.
I... need to talk to you.

Thanks.

Conrad?

Jonah?

[teacher] You've reached Hannah Brennan.
Please leave a message.

I think we gotta bring something,
you know?

We cannot, like,
not bring something, right?

I guess, yeah.

- Are you sure you don't want anything?
- No, I'm okay.

Is there any way if I, like,
pay double or something,

that I could... maybe buy some beer?

I think it's this way.

♪♪ [music blaring]

This should be it.

Is that T.J.?

Do we really want to do this?

I don't know.

We're here.

I think I'm gonna go.

Are you coming?

I'm sorry.

[chattering]

[horn honking]
[tires screeching]

♪♪ [music blaring]

[phone ringing]

[soft chuckle]

You...

You, like,
spat Miss Brennan in the face.

[laughing]

I have to get home.

I don't feel so good.

I'm, like, injured. I shouldn't be out.

You know, but I just...

You know, I never, like...
fall like that.

Mia has my place now.

She's... she's, like, really good,
you know.

Did you read the...

Did you look at that thing I gave you?

You wrote that?
That was...

You're Conrad?

Yeah.

Where... did you get all that stuff?

What do you mean?

Did you, like,
find it online or something?

- No.
- You came up with all that?

You know, I've...

Are you okay?

Oh, my God.

[gags]

Can you help me?

Can you help me with the buttons?

Tell me if anyone comes.

And no peeking!

Just a little peeking.

[chuckles]

You're peeking.

[peeing]

You're nice, you know that?

He could still, many years from now,
recall the scene in all its detail.

The lock of hair she carefully placed
behind her ear.

The way the washing labels stuck out
from the neck of her tank top.

The street lights that went out as they
passed Kevin Anderson's house.

That strangely familiar smell of damp
earth he couldn't quite place.

As a stranger passed,

he glanced at them as he went by,

probably thinking they were a couple.

She had said that she wanted to have
lunch with him Tuesday after English.

He knew that this would never happen.

That she would feel differently
Monday back in school.

But at that moment, he just enjoyed
that she felt like saying this to him.

That she maybe really felt
like having lunch with him.

That, while they were
walking there like that,

having lunch together at school

seemed to her like
a perfectly natural thing to do.

Okay.

Goodnight.

[line ringing]

[Gene] Where are you?
You okay?

So it's true?

The paper? It's true?

Yes, it is.

Why didn't you tell me?

I saw her, you know.

I saw how she was.

I was here.

I know.

I'm sorry.

Am I really that difficult to talk to?

No, it's me.

It's me, too.

It's difficult.

Hey...

I'm okay.

I know you are.

I'm okay.

You're sure you don't want something,
some breakfast, maybe?

[Conrad]
No, I've gotta get some sleep.

You shouldn't stay out like that,
you know?

I know.

You know, Jonah...

He's not doing so well.

Yeah.

Yeah, I know.

I'll talk to him. You get some sleep.

- Hi.
- So how you doing?

It's time to go home to Amy.

Yeah.

Yeah, I know.

I don't think I can drive right now.
I've been drinking.

Come on, I'll take you.

[Conrad]
Mom had been away like she used to,

in Africa or something,
and she came back for her exhibition.

But she had a baby with her.

And when I was little,
I thought she should do that.

Just bring them back here.

But this was Jonah's baby.

And me and Dad were very curious
because we hadn't really met her.

Not for real.

The baby was a very old man.

And it didn't feel strange.
It was just Jonah's baby.

He couldn't really talk,
being a baby and all,

but he was very nice
and he really liked me.

I could tell.

I can remember
we all felt proud, you know...

... that she was our mother.