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20x03 - Television

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "QI". Aired: 11 September 2003 – present.*
Watch/Buy Amazon


Format of the show focuses on the panelists answering questions that are extremely obscure, making it unlikely that the correct answer will be given.

20x03 - Television

Post by bunniefuu »

I'm the new majority shareholder

of the Zenteno mine.

[tense music playing]

Ma, you okay?

This is a joke, right?

Where did you get the money from?

Frankly, that's none of your business,

but I assure you, ladies and gentlemen,

it's completely legal.

We don't all operate like this lady does.

Who wants to take a look?

Call security.

[tense music swelling]

It's all set.

[tense music continues]

Something doesn't add up.

Don't wear yourself out, Antonia.

- Have you forgotten? Huh?

- [Perla] Enough.

Why don't you behave yourself,

or I'll be the one

to throw you out of here.

I don't care what that damn paper says.

- This company is mine.

- Mom.

It was.

Everyone, my sincere apologies.

This is a family matter

we're dealing with.

- Give us a moment to talk?

- [Antonia gasps]

Thank you.

You should leave as well, my love.

What do you mean, this is a family matter?

Oh, what I mean is that Antonia, your mom,

she is my sister. I'm your aunt.

[intense dramatic music playing]

SISTERS' FEUD

[music fades]

[cell phone ringing]

[beeping on cell phone]

[sighs]

Dolores, would you mind

getting the car ready?

- [groaning]

- [Dolores] You're going out, sir?

[groans]

Neither Antonia

nor Pedro are answering my calls.

I need to know about the new shareholder

But sir Wait, be careful. Careful.

The doctor said you had to rest

and take care of yourself.

[Bernardo groans]

If you had a fall,

even a little one here at home,

- it could be dangerous, okay?

- [groans]

You need to take care of yourself so you

can go back to that mine you love so much.

- You're right.

- Excuse me, sir.

- [tense music playing]

- Why is she saying she's my aunt?

You never told him about me?

- Never too late for a reunion.

- Shut your mouth! Go on, love.

He's family. I assume he's ready

to find out the truth.

This woman and I have things

to discuss. You and I will talk later.

[tense music swelling]

You ruined my life once already.

Yes, once.

You and Bernardo sure got your payback.

- You k*lled your own daughter.

- Oh, how could I forget?

That inventive story from your sick mind.

You left her at an orphanage.

[dramatic musical stinger

and tense music continues]

Uh-huh.

How could you cause so much suffering

to an innocent child?

She was just like you.

When I learned my daughter was alive,

it was after she'd escaped that orphanage.

Know where I found her?

In prison.

[dramatic musical stinger]

And do you know

what happened to her there?

She was k*lled!

[dramatic musical stinger]

[tense music stops]

[horse whinnies]

[Orlando] Hurry up.

Everything for the wedding goes in

the main tent, all boxes and decorations.

[horse whinnies]

[Orlando] Hey.

Who are you?

- Itzel Cubillas, sorry. Nice to meet you.

- Hm.

I was just hired

by Ms. Antonia to work here.

What can you do then?

Anything. I'm a very good worker.

That's good.

There's plenty to do.

Pedro's getting married. Pedro.

Mm-hm. I know him.

- Oh, yeah?

- Yeah.

[Orlando] Hm.

[intriguing music playing]

I promise you won't regret hiring me!

Just gonna stand there?

Let's go.

You should be on your knees

asking me to forgive you.

You should be grateful that you

and Bernardo aren't rotting in jail.

And I should've k*lled you

when I had the chance to.

[tense music playing]

You are a sick woman. Truly.

I really don't know

how you got the papers,

but I'm gonna make you regret this.

Well, we'll see about that,

because this time, I'll defend myself.

And I will make sure that everybody

knows what a shitty person you are.

Starting with Pedro.

- Please, no! Please, not Pedro!

- In fact, I'll tell him now

- Why not Pedro?

- Pedro is very ill.

He needs a kidney transplant to survive.

Only his biological parents

are able to give it to him.

Please don't.

I haven't even told Bernardo.

I just can't believe it.

I mean, really, your lies

are getting more and more insane.

I'm telling you the truth.

And why would I care about your child,

when you m*rder*d mine?

Yes, you're right.

- [music becomes dramatic]

- [inhaling]

It's my fault your daughter is dead.

And I'm paying the price.

[music builds to a cl*max]

I'm sorry, I don't understand.

Are you trying to make me pity you?

No.

My son is dying.

Leave him out of it.

[music stops]

Ma never said anything about her.

I didn't even know she had a sister.

Well, Perla left Durango years ago.

A f*cking family dispute or some sh*t,

and that's the last we heard.

But why is she here now?

Why buy all of these shares?

Pedro, some inspectors are here.

They came to assess

the pipeline that broke.

[sighs] We were supposed

to fix that, Contreras.

They'll give us a fine.

Hey. And pay with what? Huh?

After what just happened?

[dramatic music playing]

What news do you have for me, detective?

[music fades]

You were right, sir.

Someone has been illegally withdrawing

funds from the mine accounts.

[tense music playing]

But there's no way

of knowing who's behind it.

- Wow.

- They've covered their tracks.

Are you sure?

I'm sure Mr. Zenteno.

It has to be someone very close to you.

If not, it makes no sense.

[intriguing music playing]

You're right.

It's a lot.

I must ask for your discretion, detective.

I don't want anyone

finding out about this. Understood?

- Of course.

- [music ends]

There was a nasty surprise for me

at the meeting today.

- What happened?

- I'm about to f*cking lose it.

POLYCYSTIC KIDNEY DISEASE

[door opens]

[knocking]

Hello there.

- May I?

- Yes, of course.

Ah!

I can't believe it.

How long's it been, Perla?

You must remember me.

Yeah, I do.

- You're from the Urrutia family.

- Right.

Which means you must be close

with Antonia.

- Well, more than that.

- Hm?

- I'm an investor in the mine.

- Yes, I know who you are now.

The minority shareholder

that saved the Zentenos' asses.

They would've lost the mine without you.

[chuckles] You know, all I really want

is a return on my investment.

I assume you do, as well.

Well, what I'm focused on right now is

investigating the crooked things

that my sister has done.

Ah, right.

You know, honestly,

I just can't understand

why a woman so lovely

would be interested in running a mine.

[sinister music playing]

Oh, well, that's just

That's just what a modern woman does.

She follows her interests

wherever they lead her.

[Máximo chuckles]

Yes, that's right.

I'll tell you something.

You and I

are gonna get along very well, Perlita.

Eh?

I can feel it.

Yeah.

[dramatic music playing]

Welcome home.

[music swelling]

[music fades]

What's the issue?

I haven't found the problem yet.

I think it's the engine, but

Hey!

You're the girl from the mine, right?

You look really good.

[chuckles] Well, I can't say

the same about you.

[chuckles]

I mean it.

You look great.

I saw when they got you out of the mine.

[scoffs] It was horrible.

Lucky for us, Pedro came to the rescue.

["Tu Calor"

by Pablo Fuentes Caycedo playing]

Wait, do you work here or at the mine?

I'm willing to work wherever I'm needed.

Right now, I'm here.

I'll go to the mine later, but

Well, here I am.

- Okay.

- The view here is much better.

I don't think it's the engine.

- May I?

- Sure.

["Tu Calor" continues]

["Tu Calor" stops]

I know, but we have an environmental

mitigation project underway.

If it's not implemented, it doesn't count.

[tense dramatic music playing]

But you are the only

environmental officer at this mine.

If this doesn't get fixed,

the municipal government

could take legal action against you.

It's not that serious. I'm sure we can

find a solution before it comes to that.

[tense dramatic music fades]

[object clicking]

All right, try it.

["Destino" by Generaciones

playing quietly]

- Come on, hurry.

- [chuckles]

[engine starts]

["Destino" playing more loudly]

[car alert beeps]

You owe me.

Itzel.

[tense music playing]

- What are you doing?

- Uh nothing.

- Did you fix it?

- Mm-hm.

How do you know about cars?

Uh My pops taught me.

Hm.

See that? I should give your job to her.

Let's go.

- You head back to the mine.

- [tense music stops]

Darling, I know

we've talked about it a lot,

but I still think

there's time for you to

To what?

Cancel the wedding?

Mom, I already told you,

I made up my mind.

[sighs] It's what you

and dad want, isn't it?

That was before you told us

that you were in love with a woman.

That was three months ago.

[quiet dramatic music playing]

Stop. What's important is

I'm marrying Pedro and everyone's happy.

Except you.

Since when has that mattered?

[contemplative music playing]

I just want to see you happy.

You'll be late to the salon

[sighs]

[music fades]

You have a sister you never told me about?

Yes, because, years ago,

I got her out of my life.

Why was that?

[dramatic music playing]

She betrayed me and slept with your

father on the night of our wedding.

[moaning]

[Antonia] My love.

[Perla gasps]

How could you do this?

[music builds to a cl*max and stops]

And you?

[dramatic music swelling]

- [gasps]

- [moody dramatic music playing]

Antonia! No, stop!

It wasn't your father's fault.

He's very easy to manipulate.

[inhales] Perla took advantage of that.

[sobbing]

[Perla] Antonia, please,

forgive me, please!

What are you doing?

- I'll never forgive you!

- Don't go!

- You can't drive, are you crazy?

- Let go!

- I hate you, I swear!

- You can't drive like this! No.

- Just stop it!

- I have to get out of here.

- I'll take you wherever you want.

- I need to go!

We can talk.

- [Perla] Let me explain.

- What's there to explain?

- How you f*cked my husband?

- Let go!

[Antonia screams]

Let go of me!

Somehow we lost control

of the car and swerved off the road.

[intense dramatic music playing]

[screaming]

[music continues]

[Perla crying]

When I woke up in the hospital [sniffles]

the first thing I heard from the doctor

was I'd never be able to have children.

Thanks to Perla, I'm infertile.

- [Bernardo] Hey.

- [Antonia] I tried to overcome it

- Stop.

- but the pain that I had never went away.

[intense dramatic music swelling]

[music stops]

- I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

- No, my love.

You have nothing to be sorry about.

The accident allowed me

to become your mother.

And that was the greatest thing

to ever happen me.

You're mine. Huh?

[dramatic music playing]

How did you have Jacinta?

The girl you had before adopting me.

Your father and I used a surrogate,

but we never told anybody.

My love,

your dad and I have worked

very hard to leave the past behind.

[music swells and fades]

And now all Perla wants

is to drag us back there.

[Pedro sniffles]

[ominous music playing]

[music fades]

[recording] You've reached the recipient's

mailbox. Please leave your message.

Hey. Just wanted to know you're okay.

I hope everything's going

well over at the house.

Please give me a call

whenever you can, Blondie, all right?

Talk to you later.

- [blows kisses]

- [call disconnects]

Itzel.

- How're things?

- Good.

So, all the flowers were delivered,

- and the guy came back with more wine.

- Okay.

Now, go find Dolores.

Ask where you can get a dress for tonight.

- Okay.

- Because you definitely can't wear that.

- [chuckles] Noted.

- Yeah?

Yup.

[tense music playing]

[music swelling]

[rattling]

[dramatic musical stinger and music fades]

[chuckling] No.

[moody contemplative music playing]

[young Jacinta] Look, Daddy,

a river like the San Clemente!

[Bernardo] No, my darling.

The San Clemente is magical.

When you swim in that river,

you forget all your troubles.

[dramatic musical stinger]

- Mr. Bernardo, I'm sorry.

- No, no, no.

- No.

- [moody contemplative music continues]

Have a seat. Please.

[Bernardo groans] What are you doing here?

- Itzel, right? Mm.

- Yes. Um

Ms. Antonia hired me.

She mentioned that.

Actually, I wanted to thank you for, uh

You saved my life, so I

wanted to offer my service.

I appreciate it.

Sorry.

Itzel.

Three things.

The first thing

Don't touch that doll or that book

ever again.

- They were my daughter's.

- [dramatic musical stinger]

The second thing

Nobody sits behind that desk but me,

And the third thing

You have no business being in my office.

Understood?

- Understood?

- Yes, sir.

- Very well.

- Excuse me.

- [moody contemplative music continues]

- [groans faintly]

- [knocking]

- [moody contemplative music fades]

Why are you here?

Just to say that I love you.

For f*ck's sake, Ana.

You know why I chose to get married.

I don't care, Sofía.

Your reasons don't matter.

- You never gave a sh*t about me.

- Hey.

- This hurts me as much as you.

- [sighs]

[moody music playing]

- But I owe it to Pedro.

- No, you don't owe it to Pedro.

You're only doing it to shut up your

father because you regret what you did.

You regret coming out

of the closet. That's it.

You know how hard saying that was for me.

[sighs]

All I'm asking you for

is a little bit of patience.

Okay. Great.

How long do I have to wait to be together?

Until Pedro dies?

Pedro isn't gonna die. They're looking

for his biological parents.

Okay, but how long do you really

expect me to wait around, Sofía?

Don't you see I can't let my dad

walk away from the mine?

The family's depending on him.

While I have to sit around forever

waiting like an as*h*le?

[moody music continues]

I don't wanna lose you.

And I know you don't wanna lose me either.

Sofía, no. No, no, no.

[moody music fades]

[distant shouting]

[Consuelo] Buey, get up!

[Buey] Am I getting out, or what?

Be calm and cooperate.

[Buey] Hey, hey, hey!

What're you lookin' at?

- [hard hit]

- [Buey grunts]

[ominous music playing]

- What the hell do you think you're doing!

- Shh!

Where are you taking me?

[Consuelo] Let's go. Come on.

[Buey] What the f*ck?

- Tell me where we're going!

- [Consuelo] Shut the hell up and walk!

[Buey groaning]

[metallic door shuts loudly]

[dramatic music playing]

[music becomes intense]

[grunts]

f*cking Efraín! I went through

all this sh*t just to see him?

Talk before I smash your face in!

Who ordered you to f*ck with me?

First, tell me who ordered you to take

my money from that deal, you b*stard!

[Buey grunting]

Hey, hey, hey!

You're taking this a bit too far, okay.

- I'm risking a lot for you.

- [Buey groans]

[dramatic music playing]

[music fades]

[Bernardo] Pedro, I've been

calling you all morning,

I want to know what's going on

with the new investor at the mine.

- Call me as soon as you can.

- Pedro.

I was told you met with some inspectors.

I would like to know what's going on.

I'd like to know how you got

your fingers in my family's company.

I'm part of your family, too.

[tense music playing]

No family would ever do what you did.

You slept with my father.

There's always two sides to every story.

- I hope you'll let me tell you the truth.

- I don't care.

Not interested.

I run this f*cking business

with my parents, end of story.

We're nothing to each other.

[tense music fades]

[cell phone ringing]

Give me a second.

I thought I told you never

to call me when I'm at work,

unless it's something urgent.

Somebody showed up today

who will keep Antonia really busy.

- It'll be easier to makes moves.

- [tense music playing]

[both grunting and groaning]

[Efraín] Who was it who gave you

the order? Tell me, you b*stard!

[Buey gasping]

Now we understand each other.

- [Buey gasps]

- Who is your boss?

You have no idea

who you're messing with, you as*h*le.

Soon as you show your face,

the gold mafia is gonna

cut your f*cking head off!

Who the f*ck is your boss?

[loud thud]

[Buey grunting and gasping]

m*therf*cker!

Talk to me, you son of a b*tch!

- [groaning]

- Who was it?

What's wrong with you? What the f*ck?

Cuff him! I'm taking him back.

That b*stard.

Consuelo, please.

I need to know who his boss is.

- [Consuelo] Take him. You're done Efraín.

- Watch your a*s, m*therf*cker!

I got friends hidden everywhere.

They're closer to you than you think.

- [Consuelo] Take him away!

- Please, just two more minutes.

- I'm sure that he'll tell me.

- No, Efraín!

- Keep me out of your sh*t.

- [tense music continues]

Fine. Goddammit.

- [loud thud]

- [grunts]

[music fades]

[birds chirping]

[young Jacinta] Look, Daddy.

A river like the San Clemente.

[Bernardo] No, my darling.

- [contemplative music playing]

- The San Clemente is magical.

When you swim in that river,

you forget all your troubles.

[engine stops]

[car door opens]

Hey!

Get out of there! Get out of there!

- No. Pedro, wait!

- The water is contaminated, get out!

- Pedro, what are you doing?

- We can't be here.

- sh*t, how

- Wait, hold on

- Oh, sh*t!

- [grunts]

- I'm very sorry. I'll just turn around.

- Yeah.

- I won't look. Forgive me.

- [chuckles]

["No Hace Falta"

by Maria M. Gutierrez Jaramillo]

You can wear this. It's windy.

I had to come here to measure

the water contamination level.

Isn't your wedding later today?

Yeah.

But I had to, uh

[chuckling] You'd better go

and get ready then.

You can take the jacket.

I'll get it later.

Oh, Okay. I'll give it back later.

Yeah.

["No Hace Falta" stops]

Zorro, I need to see you.

We almost got caught back there.

What's with you?

I've been thinking about

what Buey told me.

I don't like it, Consuelo.

[dramatic music playing]

Who the hell do you think is in

the gold mafia, and also close to me?

No idea.

What are you gonna do?

[sighs] Listen to me.

Don't get in any more trouble.

- And don't get me in any trouble.

- You have to understand.

Perla is alone at the mine

surrounded by wolves.

She and Jacinta need me

now more than ever! [sniffs]

[scoffs]

- You gonna be her bodyguard or something?

- No.

But I am going to find her the best.

One who will care like I do.

[scoffs] Yeah.

- And how's your sister doing?

- [dramatic music fades]

What's she been up to all these years?

Gray or blue, which one looks better?

Is that seriously

the first question you ask me

when I tell you that Perla

has come to steal our mine?

You're such a pain in the a*s, Antonia.

All right. Let's talk about this mess.

- Where'd she get all the money?

- [ominous music playing]

How am I supposed to know that?

Probably from something ill*gal.

Huh? All I know is she's screwing with us.

What did the lawyer tell you?

He's useless as well.

Says it's all legal.

But you know what?

I don't care how I have to do it.

Legally or illegally, I want my sister

- [snaps fingers]

- out of this business.

[ominous music fades]

You would have paid

to see the shock from Antonia.

Though my legs wouldn't stop shaking

the entire time.

[chuckles]

Well as for me,

I almost got caught by Bernardo.

What do you mean?

Blondie, this is serious.

- You can't take risks like that.

- No, I know. Nothing happened.

But

He caught me snooping in his office

and Mama it was really weird.

He had a bunch of stuff in there

from when I was a kid.

I don't know, I felt

[intriguing music playing]

I was angry, and I guess I was sad too.

I understand.

But that sadness will pass.

Just give it time.

We have to make sure that nobody

makes any connection between you and me.

- Mm-hm.

- No one can suspect us.

I had to tell Antonia that you were dead.

You told her what?

Of course, to protect you.

You understand?

- [sighs]

- This way they won't even look for you.

Besides, if they ever see you

and I together

we're not related.

Exactly.

Leave. I need to get ready

for the wedding and change into my dress.

Wedding?

- What wedding?

- [intriguing music fades]

["Al Diablo Contigo" by Estban Diamante,

Tony Tigre & Osho Slobotsky playing]

- Hold on tight to me.

- [gasps]

["Al Diablo Contigo" continues]

[knocking]

- [Julia] Darling.

- Come in, Mom.

It's for my parents.

Forgive me for not understanding.

I was raised the old-fashioned way.

My father would always say that things

should be done in one certain way,

and that's it.

Our dads sound really similar.

I know, but

I'm sure that, deep down, your father

is upset you're getting married like this.

Without love.

I don't think so. [scoffs]

Anyway, no one is forcing me, right?

I made a commitment to Pedro,

and I'm gonna keep it.

Sofía, listen, wait.

You don't have to do it.

What does she think?

Your friend.

Her name is Ana.

She knows exactly

why I'm doing this, all right?

She understands.

I really don't want you to make a mistake.

I don't want you to suffer.

["Al Diablo Contigo" continues]

[cell phone vibrating]

I WANT TO SEE YOUR SMILE

EVERY MORNING I MISS YOU

[sobbing]

["Al Diablo Contigo" continues]

["Al Diablo Contigo" fades]

[ominous music playing]

What's going on?

What are you doing here?

Does this wedding have guests

or has no one arrived yet?

- No, actually, you're the first.

- [chuckles]

No, no, no, no, no. No, no. Get out

of my house right now. What are you doing?

I came to wish you

the best on your wedding day.

I'm not interested

in you wishing me anything.

Who are you?

First my company,

now you're here at my house?

[tense music playing]

- Get out. Orlando!

- Okay.

Orlando, come here.

Could you please help me remove

this woman immediately? Show her the exit.

- Thank you.

- This way.

- [Bernardo] Orlando!

- Fine.

Orlando, let go of her.

[dramatic music playing]

[Pedro scoffs]

What? Did you invite her?

This woman has every right to be here.

She's your aunt, she's part of the family.

In any case,

we owe her a lot more than you know.

[Pedro scoffs] No, no, no.

This is my wedding.

You asked me to get married.

I decide who gets to attend.

Bernardo!

[dramatic musical stinger]

- [chuckles] What do you owe this woman?

- Nothing.

You already took the mine.

You have no reason to come to my house.

You don't care about my son.

Yes, I do care. I care about Pedro's life.

Get her out.

- [Bernardo] She stays!

- [Pedro] Please.

[dramatic musical stinger

and music becomes quiet]

[Pedro] Isn't it enough that you cheated

on Ma with this woman?

What kind of business

do you have left with her?

I think perhaps you need to hear

the other side of the story.

- [dramatic musical stinger]

- Last thing I want to do is bother anyone.

I'll leave. You don't need

to show me the exit. I know the way.

- [Antonia] Let her go.

- Perla.

[dramatic musical stinger]

I need to have a word with you.

In my office.

[dramatic music continues]

[dramatic music builds to a cl*max]

[music fades]

All good?

[Orlando] What are you doing here?

Let's go.

- Huh? Oh.

- Let's go.

[tense music playing]

- Do you and your sister have a problem?

- That's none of your business.

[Máximo] She owns more

than 50% of the mine.

She's the principal shareholder.

Of course it's my business.

That has nothing to do with it.

It's a family affair.

It has everything to do with it.

Look at this wedding.

It's pure business.

Your sister is bailing our asses out.

Don't tell me you're siding with her.

I'm on the side

that grows my investment in the mine.

And if that's her side, then I'm on it.

[quiet ominous music playing]

Perla.

Hello.

- I don't know why you're here.

- [scoffs]

I came to see how the rats are living.

[music builds to a cl*max]

[music becomes quiet]

[music stops]

[intense dramatic music playing]

[dramatic music becomes quiet]

[dramatic music fades]