- [water burbling]
- [boat engine humming]
[Ro laughing loudly in distance]
[Ruthie] Oh, no!
[Elliott] Ruthie, you're fine.
I'm not even driving that fast.
[Ro] It's your birthday,
b*tch! It's her birthday!
You're legal now. Now you
got legal butt cheeks.
[Ruthie] Oh, my God. You
can't say sh*t like that, Ro.
[Ro] Oh, now we gotta stop
here so you can get with some,
- like, random girl, but whatever.
- [Ruthie] Yeah.
[Elliott] She's not
some random girl.
We've been, like, flirting with each
other since f*cking grade eight.
I gotta at least sh**t
my shot before I leave.
[Ro] Hmm, if this works, you've
officially gotten every girl in town.
- Every single girl.
- [Ruthie] That's true.
[laughing] That's not
true. That's not true.
- [Ro] Oh, sh*t!
- [Ruthie shouting] - I'm-I'm so sorry.
- [Ro] Holy sh*t.
- I'm so sorry.
- [Ruthie] Are you okay?
- [Ro] Is my neck still there?
[Ruthie] No, you're good,
you're good, you're good.
I'm gonna be honest and I'm gonna
tell her I'm leaving in three weeks.
If that leads to us banging...
that must have been God's plan.
That's out of my hands,
you know what I mean?
- [all] Oh!
- You gotta slow down. You gotta slow down.
[Ro] Bro.
[Elliott] I'm sorry, I'm like,
I'm so used to driving boats
that drive like this, not
this twisty wrist sh*t.
[Ruthie] Maybe you should actually,
like, get your boating license.
I've been operating heavy machinery
since I was eight, Ruthie.
- [Ro] Are you sure... Oh!
- Oh, sh*t, sorry.
- [Ro] You know...
- [engine stops]
- it's an idea.
- [Elliott] Help me pull it in. Pull it in.
[straining] I don't think boating
licenses are, like, a real thing.
It's like a formality.
- [Ro] You guys got it? Okay.
- [Elliott] Yeah.
Okay, grab that rope at the end.
[Ruthie] Oh, my gosh.
[Ro] Life and f*cking death
experience right there.
- Christ.
- [Elliott] Okay. [sighs]
- Made it.
- [Elliott] It's go time.
You're alive. You got this.
- [Ruthie] Have fun in there.
- [Elliott] Thank you.
[Ro] You be safe,
kid. Wrap it up.
[Ruthie groans quietly]
- [Ro] Oh, b*tch, my back is thrown.
- Oh, my God.
[Ruthie] I know. Like, my neck.
They're, like, they're
a medical marvel, right?
- That's true.
- They, like, cure our UTIs.
- That is true.
- Right? We need them.
- Yeah, you're welcome.
- They fight for us, we should fight for them.
[Elliott laughs]
So...
You said you're leaving
town really soon, right?
- Twenty-two days.
- Okay, sh*t! It's like that?
You have to do a countdown?
You're just so in a rush?
Oh, yeah. [chuckles] I mean...
There is one thing I'll
really miss about this place.
[Leith Ross: "(You) On
My Arm" playing quietly]
[Chelsea clears throat]
- [breathy exhale]
- [chuckling]
[laughing]
I wanna be, I wanna buy you
Pretty little things
And never ever lie
[birds chirping]
Her hair is starting to melt.
It's going to ruin the surprise.
[older boy] That
looks like a sheep.
Took me an hour.
She'll be here soon.
[Ro] No, so listen:
I had a uncle, 'cause
my aunt married this guy
but then they got divorced,
but he had a guinea pig.
The PetSmart that
he bought it from,
he had... she had a kid, and
the kid gave me the drugs.
Uh, so, a literal stranger.
No, I just told you...
No, listen, he said
that they're super rare
and that they're
from South America.
Africa.
Do you just chew them?
I'll-I'll look it up.
Yeah, yeah. These South America?
How do you spell
"hallucinogenic"?
That's Africa.
I-I don't know. "Mushrooms."
Um, I think you, like,
chew them or, like, maybe,
I heard you can make, like, some type
of herbal tea with them or some sh*t.
- Finally!
- [Ruthie sighs]
No, we're not making
tea with them.
I heard if you make tea with them,
you can't control how high you get.
- Look at you.
- [phone buzzing]
- [Ruthie] What were you doing?
- [Elliott groans in frustration]
- Not now, Mom!
- Kathy, we're very busy, huh!
- [Elliott] I'm trying to do drugs, Mom!
- [Ro laughs]
[Nelly Furtado:
"Say It Right"]
- I-I... Okay, wow, wow, wow. Okay.
- [Ro] Oh. Oh.
- [Elliott whooping]
- I mean, if you're driving like that.
In the day
In the night
Say it right
Say it all
You either got it
Or you don't
You either stand
Or you fall
Oh, you don't mean
nothing at all to me
No, you don't mean
nothing at all to me
[girls exclaiming, laughing]
- But you got
- Pull.
- What it takes to set me free
- [indistinct chatter]
[laughing]
Look, before we get too far into it,
should we make, like, an emergency plan
in case, in case
anything bad happens?
No! Nothing bad is gonna happen.
That's, like, the
whole point of shrooms.
Nothing bad happens on shrooms.
What if one of us, like, gets too high
and, like, says something f*cked-up
and it, like, changes the fabric
of our friendship forever?
And at fault
From my hands I
could give you
Something that I made
From my mouth
I could sing you
Another brick that I laid
- From my body
- From my body
- I could show you
- I could show you...
- [Ruthie] Um, ten!
- [Ro] Two point five.
[Ruthie] No, not the whole
bag. That-that's way too many.
[Ro] That's why you
gotta get your weight up.
To Elliott.
- You old b*tch!
- [laughter]
May you experience a
f*cking, I don't know, like,
a new level of consciousness
or some sh*t tonight.
- [Ruthie sighs]
- Mm.
[laughing]
[song fading]
[Ro slurping]
- [scoffs] Ro.
- Ro.
- [burping] - Oh, my God.
- You're burping.
- Oh, my God!
- [Ro] I thought we were...
- Don't you guys want to get there?
- That's so...
- Yes, but...
- All right, one, two, three.
- Let's go, let's go.
- Mm.
- Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug.
- I can't do it.
- Chug it, chug it, chug it, chug it, chug it, chug it, chug it, chug it.
- [yells] It's so bad!
Chug it, chug it, chug
it, chug it, chug it.
- [insects chirring]
- [Ruthie] Oh, I'm scared.
- [Elliott] Like, are you?
- [Ro] No, actually, I'm a little...
- I'm a little scared, too.
- [Ruthie sighs]
I'm weirdly not.
[twig snaps]
- [Ruthie] Oh!
- [loon wailing in distance]
- What the f*ck was that?
- [Ro] Um...
- Okay, um... - I feel like I need to call my mom.
- There are bears here.
- Let-let... Shh. Shut up.
- My mom told me.
Let's just be normal, guys, and talk
about something-something normal.
- Something... Something.
- Let's just talk about something normal.
Um, can you, like, talk about your hopes
and dreams or something, Elliott, please?
- My hopes and dreams?
- Yes.
- [Ro] f*cking yes. Hopes and dreams.
- Word, word.
- I've got hopes and dreams. Okay. [laughs]
- [Ro] Mm-hmm.
Well...
I-I'm... I'm just excited that my
life is, like, finally about to start.
Um... I don't know. Even
though the world is, like,
literally on fire and...
full of uneducated racists,
I'm just, like, trying to
force myself to have hope.
And I just feel like moving to
Toronto and, like, living in the city
and going to school, like, it
all just feels right, you know?
Ugh, like, mad respect
to my ancestors,
but I do not want to be
a third-generation...
I can't be a third-generation
cranberry farmer and, like,
live in a town with 300 people.
And I always feel bad every
time I say that, but it's, like,
- I've got energy, I've got hype.
- [Ro sighs]
Like, the world... the world is
literally our f*cking oyster.
Like, we've got to live.
You know what I mean?
[Ro] Yeah. [laughs, squeaks]
Holy shi...
- Oh, my God.
- [Ro squeaks]
Are you tripping? Are
you guys tripping?
I don't know.
I feel like grooving,
man. I feel like grooving.
[Elliott] What the
f*ck? Ru... Ruthie?
- [Elliott gasps] Oh, my God.
- [Ro] Ooh, ooh, ooh.
- [Ro laughs]
- Ro!
[Ro] Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.
[Elliott scoffs]
- They feel like grooving, man. Wow.
- [Ro] Whoo!
[Ro] Whoo.
I don't feel anything.
- You know, it's 'cause you don't tolerate drugs well.
- What the f*ck?!
- Hey, freak.
- Who are you?
[gasps] Oh, my God!
This is Maude Island.
My God, I used to
love this place.
Damn, it's a shame some dickhead
rich guy bought it all up.
That sucks.
Oh, yes, yes, yes,
yes, yes. [blows]
Oh, yes. Oh, yes.
Oh, my God, I miss
chemicals. Mmm.
Who the f*ck... are you?
Where did you come from?
You tell me. You're the one that took a
bunch of mushrooms and summoned me here.
Do you work for my dad?
Did he send you
here to spy on me?
[laughing] That is so
something he would do.
That's funny. But no.
God?
[sighs heavily]
I don't know how to say this.
[whispers] Yes.
- Elliott, come on.
- [slaps knee]
Dude, I'm you.
Well, I'm... I'm
39-year-old you.
- What?
- What's up? [chuckles]
What the f... What
are you talking about?
You're me? f*ck off. What?
- You f*ck off.
- Your teeth.
- Those aren't my teeth.
- So? What about my teeth? What?
There's a f*cking gap in your teeth.
I don't have a gap in my teeth.
Yeah, dude, f*ck you.
Wear your retainer.
And your hair. It's
so dry and it's dark.
- Take it easy.
- You have bangs.
I don't have bangs,
I have no plan
- on getting bangs.
- Take it easy, b*tch. First of all...
And your boobs are saggy.
My boobs aren't saggy.
Okay, you can't
even see my boobs.
- I don't see it.
- Oh, my God.
Forgot how f*cking dense I was.
Let me show you something.
Um, this...
Right? Nine years old.
Falling off that tractor
onto the broken fence.
Hurt like hell.
Left boob... one cup
smaller than the right.
- [gasps]
- And, uh, no.
It never catches up to
the right, but, honestly,
you get used to
it and it's okay.
Guys can't really
tell. Girls can, but...
Okay, more. Um, okay.
[grunts] Okay.
- Ta-da!
- [Elliott gasps]
It's our missing pinkie toe.
- [groans]
- Remember?
From the tequila accident
at Ruthie's second wedding?
Oh, f*ck! That has
not happened yet.
sh*t, I shouldn't have
said that. [inhales]
Actually, I kind of miss
my toe. Can I see it?
[chuckles] Holy sh*t.
[laughing quietly]
[laughs] Okay. I'm high.
- Yeah.
- Nice!
- Okay. I'm feeling it.
- [Older Elliott chuckles]
I'm having a reaction
to the shrooms.
They are working. I'm...
I'm hallucinating.
[laughing]
I'm actually kind of hot
for being middle-aged.
Okay, f*ck you.
I'm 39 years old.
That's not middle-aged.
- No, that is middle-aged.
- No, it's not.
I am a very young adult.
- Really?
- Yes.
- I'm kind of getting MILFy vibes.
- Ooh, nobody says "MILF" anymore.
[laughs] I'm kind
of gagging over it.
Nobody says "gagging
over it" either, so...
Wait, oh, my God. Okay.
Tell me everything. Where
do we live? Do we have kids?
Are we, like, so
happy and fulfilled?
Oh, my God, that is, yeah, wow.
I forgot how simple
everything seemed.
Wait, that sounds dark.
Do you die? Am I dead?
Does the planet just burn up and,
like, explode and we all just suffocate
- and die?
- Oh, my God. Chill out.
- No, is there...
- Like, no, we're alive, we're alive.
This is turning into a bad trip. I
feel this is turning into a bad trip.
And I'm trying to
have a good time,
but you're giving me a
f*cking panic attack.
- Okay, no, chill.
- Just tell me something good.
Um, something good. Um...
Why are you struggling to find
something good from the future?
Ooh. This is good.
- Okay.
- You're going to be f*cking psyched
- to know...
- Okay, tell me.
That you are a PhD student.
- [fire crackling]
- [insects chirring]
f*ck yeah.
No. What? You're joking.
But I don't want
to tell you in what
because I want you to have
something to look forward to.
- Look forward to?
- Yeah.
Did you just tell me I'm in my
40s and I'm still in school?
Thirties! Thirties!
Dude, what the f*ck?
Did you honestly think that
you were going to be married
and have multiple kids and your
dream job by the time you were 40?
Oh, you did. Okay.
Wait.
I just got the best idea.
You tell me who
the next Apple is,
I'll invest now, and we
can get insanely rich.
- Okay, I don't think that's a good idea.
- Why?
Because I don't know
how this sh*t works.
I don't want to, like, f*cking get
bad karma, or, like, I don't know.
One thing happens and then the other
sh*t happens and, like, I don't know.
What is the point of this conversation
if you can't give me some, like,
solid advice and then I can
just make our life better?
All right, that's not, like, the fix. I
don't, I don't think that's, like, the...
You're telling me that wouldn't fix
at least a couple of your problems,
- your current problems?
- I just, I don't think I...
Or is our life just so...
flawless and perfect, you
don't want to change anything?
[insects chirring]
Can you avoid anyone named Chad?
What?
Who the f*ck is Chad?
You have one chance to
tell your younger self
your biggest life regrets,
and you ask me to avoid
someone named Chad?
- Yeah.
- Are you high?
No.
- Just do it.
- [phone buzzing]
This is the weirdest
f*cking thing.
[both] Oh, my God.
- [buzzing stops]
- [gasps] Why didn't you answer?
I'm not FaceTiming
Mom when I'm high.
Dude, I know Mom can be annoying,
but, like, be nice to her.
[scoffs] I'm so nice to Mom!
I literally let her talk to me yesterday
about a hummingbird for 45 minutes.
- That's cute.
- It was annoying.
Honestly, you should
hang out with her.
Like, hang out with
her. Do stuff with her.
Oh, my God. That's who
you look like! Mom!
- [groans]
- That's who you look like.
You look exactly like
Mom. What the f*ck?
- I know. I know.
- Do you get that?
Yes. All the time.
Everybody says that.
- No.
- Everybody.
Holy sh*t. That's crazy. Everyone
just turns into their mothers.
Yeah, basically.
Honestly, I thought it was a bad
thing, but I kind of like it now.
- Mom's cool.
- It works. It works.
- Mom's cool.
- It works.
[Elliott laughing quietly]
Can we hug?
- Get in here.
- [Elliott chuckles]
- This is so weird.
- Mm-hmm.
[insects chirring]
[Elliott] I thought
I'd be happier at 40.
You are happy, and
I'm not 40, as*h*le.
You don't look happy.
I feel like...
you're having a midlife crisis.
Well, I feel like you're high on
mushrooms so you don't know sh*t.
True.
I have an idea.
- Can we kiss?
- No.
- What? Why?
- Why?
It's just a kiss. It's
not, like... sexual.
- A kiss is innately sexual.
- No, it's not.
Why do you want
to kiss yourself?
You don't want to know what
it's like to kiss yourself?
I mean, yes, I do, but it's like
you're younger so it's weird.
Okay, can I at least
touch my old a*s?
Oh, my God. You need
to be locked up.
- Just a quickie. I'm not gonna, like...
- Fine, do it.
- I'm not gonna, like, shove tongue in your mouth.
- Fine, kiss me, I don't care.
- Really?
- Fine.
[kissing]
- Oh, my God.
- What?
I just wanted to know what
it was like to kiss myself.
- Okay. Well, now you know.
- I loved it.
- Now you know.
- Wow.
That was f*cking
hot, and you know it.
[both giggling]
Okay, can I say one last thing?
[yawning] Oh, God.
I mean, you already told me I'm
a mature student in the future,
so it literally
can't get any worse.
No, I'm serious.
You are so lucky.
Life will never be the
same as it is right now.
Great.
You're gonna go to the city
and everything's gonna be
exciting and busy and...
You don't even go home for
Thanksgiving this year.
You stay in the city.
You should go home.
[yawning]
The only thing you
can't get back is time.
When you get older, it
goes by so fast, dude.
So fast. It sucks.
Elliott.
Elliott.
- Oh, my God.
- Mm. What?
[sighs, scoffs]
Where's your phone?
Phone.
t*tties.
t*tties?
[knocking on solid object]
You weirdo.
[Elliott grunts softly]
[gentle melody plays]
[Elliott yawning]
[Ro howling]
[kisses]
[Ro whooping]
[Ruthie sighs contentedly]
[Ruthie] And then the bunny sang
and it sounded like Celine Dion.
Like, so beautiful and good.
And then, like, hundreds of smaller
bunnies all came out of the woods.
They spoke Mandarin,
though, so, like,
I'm not sure what the lyrics
meant, but they felt beautiful.
I'm so jealous you
guys had good trips.
[Ro] Nah, I mean, meeting your
older self sounds lit as f*ck.
[Ruthie] I feel like you don't
tolerate drugs well, Elliott.
- [Kathy] Oh! I didn't know you were here.
- [music fades]
Yeah, I got back
a little bit ago.
I tried to call.
We had a cake for you.
- No.
- Yes.
Mom, you guys had a cake?
Yeah.
- I'm sorry. I...
- No, it's okay.
I thought I told you I
was leaving early with Ro.
Oh. Well, maybe you did.
You know, I probably forgot.
I'm sorry.
No, don't be sorry.
Did you have fun?
Yeah.
You know, it was
so cold last night.
I was wondering if you
had enough blankets.
Yeah, we were, we were fine.
Yeah? Well, at least
it didn't rain.
You know, I was
looking at the radar,
and it said there was 15%
chance of rain at 7:00,
but, you know,
then it went east.
Yeah, we were good.
[necklaces clattering]
Okay, uh...
I'll leave you to it.
[phone buzzing]
[sets down necklaces]
[gentle melody playing]
[soft moans, kissing]
Mm, I've never hooked
up on a boat before.
- [Elliott laughs]
- [soft breaths]
- [waves lapping gently]
- [giggling]
[music fades]
What are you guys doing?
Spencer!
What are you doing down here
at the a*s crack of dawn?
It's 11:00.
[Elliott] It's 11:00? sh*t!
[Elliott] I'm here! I'm here!
I'm sorry I'm late.
[Tom] Almost gave
up on you, kiddo.
[Elliott clears throat]
[grunting]
[whimsical music playing]
[birds chirping]
[water sloshing]
- [screams]
- Whoa!
What the f*ck?!
- Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you.
- What the f*ck?
How long have you been here for? I've
been here for, like, five minutes.
About five minutes, then.
What were you doing
down there for so long?
That's some weird sh*t.
I was just swimming around. I
wasn't doing any weird stuff.
Okay, well, f*ck, I'm naked,
so don't come over here.
Or, like, don't go under and
open your eyes or some sh*t.
Okay.
[whispers] Oh, my God.
Just so you know...
there's, like... zero
visibility down there.
Like, I couldn't even see, like, a Subway
sandwich length in front of me, so...
You're okay.
Okay. All right.
I had such a fun first day.
I learned so much stuff
about cranberries.
[blows sharply]
Did you know that a cranberry
has four pockets of air?
Wait, wait, wait. You
work here, Washington?
Yeah, boy.
Tom is actually such a cool guy.
You're lucky he's your dad.
[scoffs] How did you
know he's my dad?
'Cause you got the
exact same face.
- [Elliott scoffs]
- Except you're the girl version.
- Sick.
- Same cheeks.
Thanks. I love hearing
that. It's really nice.
[sniffs]
What's your real name?
Chad.
[tense music playing]
What? What did you just say?
- I said my name's Chad.
- [music becomes brighter]
Is that short for anything?
Chadwick? Chandler?
Uh, Charles, Chad
Michael Murray?
- Nope. It's just Chad.
- No? Okay.
Oh, my God. I gotta go!
I gotta go! Turn around.
- S-Sorry.
- Like, close your eyes or something. Jesus.
[Chad] Hey, wait.
What's your name?
It's, um... Ray!
Raymond Romano!
Like that guy?
[bird calling]
[exhales]
[screams]
Ooh. A bowl of rice.
That's never good.
They're supposed to be waterproof.
Or, well, water-resistant.
Cool, yeah, thanks, Spencer.
[rain pattering]
[thunder rumbles in distance]
[sighs heavily]
[phone line ringing]
[Older Elliott] Holy
sh*t! This worked.
Who is this? Who
the f*ck is this?
I'm serious, you do not want to
f*ck with me. I'm not the one.
Oh, wow, you sound so tough.
Elliott, you freak, it's me.
It's me! I put my number in
your phone the other night,
but, honestly, I did not know
this would work. This is crazy.
Wait. So, are-are you
following all of my advice
and hanging out with the family?
[gasps] Oh, have you
played golf with Max yet?
I really think you should.
No! No, I haven't
played golf with Max yet
because up until two
hours ago when I met Chad,
I thought you were just a figment
of my f*cked-up mushroom brain.
So give me a f*cking second...
Oh, my God, you're so dramatic.
To comprehend the fact that I'm
on the phone with my old a*s.
I thought that was funny.
I didn't let you touch
it, so I felt bad.
Wait. So are you, like,
at the farm right now?
It must be... Oh, it's
6:30. Oh, my gosh.
You guys are gonna sit down
for dinner. That's so sweet.
Did Dad make his salmon?
Ugh, I miss salmon so much.
Eat all of it now while
it's still around.
[gasps] You know what
would be so funny?
Do the fish lip thing that Mom
loves. It'll make her laugh.
- Wait, is Mom dead?
- What?
Are you telling me to make Mom
laugh 'cause she's f*cking dead?
No! No, no.
We just can't do the-the fish...
What? No. She's
totally alive. Chill.
Thank God. I need to
die before Mom dies.
Dude, that's f*cking dark.
I have to tell my
therapist you said that.
- [air raid siren wailing over phone]
- Oh, wait a minute. Hang on.
[shouting] Basement! Basement!
Uh, look, dude, I gotta
go. I-I'll call you later.
[phone line clicks, beeps]
[sets phone on desk]
[rain pattering]
[pensive music playing]
[cutlery clinking]
[Kathy] Sweetheart, do
you need anything else?
Here, yeah. Can
you pass me that?
[Elliott] I can't
believe this is, like...
[spits] ...real.
[Older Elliott] I know.
Me either, honestly.
- [Elliott chuckles]
- So weird.
Okay, what do we do now?
Uh, I don't know.
I guess you take my advice
and make our life better?
- Jesus. No pressure.
- [water running]
But I don't want to
tell you too much, okay?
I'm afraid I'll ruin, like, the
surprises of life or whatever.
No, no, no, no. It's fine.
We hate surprises, remember?
Yes, we hate them. Also, we have,
like, no idea how this works,
so maybe you don't
tell anyone about this?
Yeah, I was not
planning on that.
And you won't tell our gorgeous wife
and three children either, right?
[laughing] Three children?
Oh, my God, Elliott.
Nobody's allowed to have
three children anymore.
Look, just listen to me.
Don't do anything stupid,
and we'll be fine.
- It's gonna work. I promise.
- [Ro] Elliott. - [Older Elliott] I think.
- [Ro] f*ck! f*ck! sh*t!
- [Elliott] Oh, sh*t!
- [Ro] Whoa-h*! sh*t!
- [Elliott squealing]
[Elliott] Got you, got you.
Okay, and if I don't k*ll us,
will you tell me when we
have our first threesome?
[Older Elliott] Oh, my God,
dude, I wish I had the energy
- to have sex with one person, let alone two.
- [Elliott] Come on!
[Older Elliott] Go hang
out with your brothers.
- Alakazam!
- Oh!
[Elliott] I don't think you
remember how annoying they are.
Why do you even want to come?
Because I'm leaving soon,
and I want us to bond.
Anything new in your life?
Not really.
[tender music playing]
Are you gonna miss
me when I'm gone?
No.
- Fair.
- [club strikes ball]
[ball bounces in cup]
[Elliott] Dude, there's absolutely no
way this is making our life better.
[Older Elliott, laughing] Dude,
you played one game. Try harder.
- [head thunks]
- [Elliott] Ow! Max!
- [door closes]
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Can I help you with anything?
Uh, you can take
out the garbage.
[Elliott] This advice
literally sucks d*ck, dude.
- [Older Elliott] Shut up. You literally suck d*ck.
- [Elliott laughs]
Ray! Raymond!
[Older Elliott] Wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait. Is that Chad?
- Yo, get the f*ck out of there.
- [Elliott] I am.
- [Older Elliott] Run!
- [Elliott] I literally am.
[Older Elliott] I told you
to stay away from that guy.
[Elliott] I know.
I got this. We're-we're good.
You're stressing over nothing.
I'm not gonna f*ck this up.
[quietly] Oh, f*ck.
[burbling scream]
[screaming]
[Chad] What's going on?
I saw one of those m*therf*cking
evil snakes! I swear to God!
- What did it look like?
- It was, it was brown and it was, like,
this big and it f*cking looked
right at me and laughed!
I'll be right back.
[deep breaths]
[yelping and shouting]
- [yelping, shouting continue]
- [Elliott laughing]
Look, I got him!
[Elliott laughing]
I got him.
He put up a good
fight, but in the end,
I was stronger, smarter
and faster than him.
[Chad snarling]
Something is wrong with you.
[Elliott laughing]
How much horsepower
does your boat have?
How do you know I have a boat?
Because I saw you driving it.
- Okay, Peeping Tom.
- I wasn't Peeping Tom-ing.
I was just looking
out at the open water.
Will you take me
for a ride sometime?
[Elliott scoffs]
No!
No, I'm not going to
take you for a ride.
I barely know you.
You could be, and you most
likely are, a f*cking m*rder*r.
I'm not a m*rder*r. I promise.
- You, I... You are a m*rder*r. I'm, like...
- [both laughing]
I won't m*rder you.
How 'bout that?
Plus, it's, like... it's a tiny
bit broken right now anyways.
What happened?
I have no idea. I went down
earlier and it just didn't start.
Maybe I can fix?
What are you, a
mechanic m*rder*r now?
No.
But I worked at my dad's
mechanic shop my whole life.
Oh.
Are you bonded and insured?
Just let me fix the
damn boat, Romano!
Can you hand me those pliers?
Are you gonna take
over the farm one day?
[Elliott sighs]
I have zero... zero
desire to be a farmer.
Plus, my brother wants to do it, so
I'm just, like, "Cool, you do it."
My middle brother.
My younger brother just
wants to move to Ireland
and marry this famous actress
whose name I can never say right.
Saoirse Ronan, right?
[laughing] Why do you know that?
Oh, 'cause I love her, man.
Have you seen Little Women?
Yeah. A hundred times.
So, if you weren't a farmer,
what would you be doing?
[exhales] I don't know.
Not totally sure yet.
What was that?
I just thought that if you didn't
want to take over your family legacy,
then maybe you'd have some
sort of big aspiration.
You know, like, saving the planet or...
becoming prime minister or something.
Well, I can't
speak French, Chad,
so my dreams of becoming prime
minister have sadly been put to bed.
Like, what the f*ck?
[Chad clears throat]
(IN FRENCH) J'ai
rpar votre bateau.
Le conduit de
carburant tait lache.
De rien.
[quiet music playing]
On peut faire un petit tour?
[phone buzzing]
[sighs heavily]
Okay, I'm never going on a
boat ride with you, okay?
You can speak French.
Yeah, well...
I'm smarter than I look, Chad.
I think you look smart.
[frustrated grunt]
Stop being so nice!
Okay!
f*ck!
No!
[Elliott] Okay, can
you just tell me, like,
what does this
Chad guy do, again?
'Cause, honestly, he
seems so harmless.
Like, I've never been less
threatened by anyone, I don't think.
[Older Elliott] Oh,
God. What happened?
- Nothing. Nothing happened.
- Tell me.
He was acting all nice and
he fixed the boat and...
You let him fix the boat? No.
He basically made me let him.
- [Older Elliott groaning]
- Okay?
Don't you remember that?
[Older Elliott sighs]
Yeah, I do.
He's like...
[sighs]
He's like this weird mix
of being so lovable...
- Oh, my God.
- That I just want to protect him,
- and then being so basic I want to punch him...
- Oh, my God.
In his weirdly symmetrical face.
Elliott, do not
have sex with him.
Jesus! I'm not gonna...
I can admit someone's face is
symmetrical and not f*ck them.
[Older Elliott sighs]
- God.
- God.
Hello?
[sighs] No more boat
rides with Chad.
Promise?
Dude, are you okay?
You should get some
sleep. It's late.
[phone line clicks, beeps]
[Elliott] Have you ever, like,
off-roaded with this thing?
Just, like, like,
monster truck style?
- [Max] No.
- [Elliott] I would.
[Max] Sorry I'm
not cool like you.
[Elliott] Hey, you're cool.
[Max] Mom and Dad tell
you to say that, too?
[Elliott] What does that mean?
I know they asked you
to hang out with me.
Otherwise, you'd
never be seen with me.
You're an idiot. They didn't
ask me to hang out with you.
Do you actually think I wouldn't
want to be seen with you?
I mean... yeah.
Why?
[laughs] 'Cause I'm
everything that annoys you:
I like farming, I play
sports, I hate Euphoria.
On my last birthday card, you wrote,
"I'd wish you a happy birthday,
but cis white men don't
need any more happiness."
[Elliott laughs]
That was a joke.
It was!
Okay, sorry. I
should have written,
"The gender binary is k*lling us all.
I hope you don't outlive the planet."
[birds chirping]
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I know
I've been, like...
like, narrow-minded about some
stuff, and that's f*cked-up.
So, I'm sorry.
And I genuinely
think you're, like...
the realest, like...
good person vibes.
And I'm not embarrassed
to be seen with you.
I thought you were embarrassed
to be seen with me.
Oh, I am.
- [both chuckling]
- [tender music playing]
Didn't realize it was
such a precise sport.
- This is why I say that the form is important, all right?
- And I'm sore. Why am I sore?
'Cause you're not... You
don't have the right form.
- [Elliott] Hi.
- Hi, pumpkin.
[Elliott] How was your day?
It was fine.
How was yours?
Very good.
Good.
[Elliott] Okay, if we
weren't the same person
and you just met me at a party,
do you think you'd even like me?
[Older Elliott] Okay.
You want to know
what's one of the best
things about getting older?
[Elliott] What?
[Older Elliott] You stop worrying so
much about if other people like you.
- [Elliott] Mm.
- [Older Elliott] It's kinda great.
[Elliott] I feel like...
feel like I've been
kind of an as*h*le.
[Older Elliott]
Ah, you're just 18.
Honestly, everyone's kind
of an as*h*le at that age.
Why?
Are you okay?
Elliott? Hello?
- [mouthing]
- [Elliott] I just feel like everything
- that used to make sense doesn't anymore.
- [mouthing]
- [Older Elliott] Yeah.
- [Elliott] Like, even Chelsea.
Like, she's... she's literally
been my dream girl for so long.
- [Elliott] Like, you know how long.
- [Older Elliott] Yeah, I know.
- [Elliott] And she's so hot and the sex is so amazing.
- [Older Elliott laughs]
- [Older Elliott] Yeah.
- [Elliott] I'm-I'm so confused. Like, why aren't I more into this?
[Older Elliott] Well, this
isn't gonna be the last time
you get exactly what you want and
then realize it isn't what you wanted.
[Elliott] How do you ever
know what you want, then?
Like, when you actually fall in
love, how do you know that it's real?
[Older Elliott] Uh... you don't.
I feel like it's just, like,
everything feels right,
even when it's really hard...
correct me if I'm wrong.
Uh, yeah, you're wrong.
You're very wrong.
[laughing] Sorry. It's
just hard to explain.
Try! Give me something!
Okay. God! I mean, okay.
Love... like, healthy love...
I guess it's like...
safety and freedom all at once?
Sick. Sick.
Safety and freedom. Okay.
Okay, look, I know it doesn't
sound romantic to you, but it is.
Trust me. God.
[moaning softly]
[tender music playing]
[shuddered breaths]
- [gasps, panting]
- [music stops]
- [excited chattering]
- [birds chirping]
[Tom laughs] Wow. That's-that's
pretty impressive.
[Spencer] Did you
see any monkeys?
[chattering continues]
[cutlery clinking on plates]
[chattering continues]
[Kathy] Give your
little brother a break.
Oh, good morning, Elliott.
Have you met Chad?
- Um...
- [Kathy] He's working here this summer.
He was kind enough to come and help
Dad with the tractor this morning.
Come on, sit down. Have some
pancakes before they get cold.
Here, yeah. Could
you pass me that?
[Tom] Yeah.
[cutlery clinking on plates]
Sup? [clears throat]
[Kathy] So, uh, you were telling us
about your plans after undergrad.
Oh, yeah. Um...
Yeah, well, I originally
wanted to get into engineering,
but now I think I'm leaning
more towards biotechnology.
- Hmm.
- And, um,
hopefully getting my master's
in pharmaceutical science,
uh, to focus on, like, underfunded
cancer drug research and stuff.
- [Kathy] That's very cool.
- Yeah.
- A literal angel in our presence.
- [Chad laughs]
If you want to be a drug doctor,
why are you spending your
summer on a cranberry farm?
Ah, for the money and the fame.
[Tom] He's a
Chatsworth, Elliott.
One of the original cranberry
farmers in the area.
Owned the place two lines down.
His grandfather was close
friends with your grandfather.
You two are-are
practically blood.
[coughs]
- Are we... related?
- [Chad laughs]
Well, I think it's wonderful that
you're staying with your grandmother.
She must be thrilled.
Yeah, I-I never, um, met
my grandfather or, um,
uh, even got to see the farm
before it got sold or anything,
- 'cause he died before I was born, but...
- Hmm.
[Chad] Yeah, it's been,
it's been really nice.
I think I just wanted to...
get in touch with my roots,
if that isn't the cheesiest
thing you've ever heard.
- No. It's not cheesy.
- [light laughter]
That's wonderful.
- Mm. - [Kathy] No. I think that's nice.
- [Tom] No.
We're late for
our tee time, Max.
Oh, uh...
Chad, do you want to
come golfing with us?
You want Chad to come?
- You don't have to. You really...
- I, if...
I would love to, if that's...
Okay, great. Let me get
you some coffees to go.
[club strikes ball solidly]
- [Max] Oh!
- [Chad laughs]
Dude, what?
- You're insane.
- [chuckles]
You're the real deal.
- You're a professional golfer. Okay.
- [Max] Come on.
[Chad] You should have told me.
I'm about to embarrass myself.
[Max] Oh, come on. I'm sure you're
better than you think you are.
Nope.
Elliott, uh, Elliott said you were
gonna take over the farm, man.
- You should just be a golfer.
- [Max laughs]
[Max] Yeah, I mean, my mom and
dad are selling the farm, so...
- might be my only option now.
- [club strikes ball solidly]
What?
Who told you Mom and Dad
are selling the farm?
Uh, Mom and Dad.
What?
Dude, what the f*ck?
Actually, what are
you talking about?
What? Like they would
tell you and not me.
They thought you wouldn't care 'cause
you're not taking it over anyway.
- What?
- All you do is talk about leaving.
Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait.
Mom and Dad are not
selling the farm.
We'll go to them and be, like,
"This is f*cked, you can't sell it,"
- and they won't sell it.
- I already tried that. It didn't work.
f*ck, really?
- [pocket zips shut]
- Max!
Why are you acting like
this isn't a big deal?
- Why are you not upset?
- I am upset.
- You don't look upset at all.
- Well, I've known for a while.
You've known for a while?
So, I'm old upset.
Old upset is different
than new upset.
How have I been so
left out of this?
You kind of leave yourself
out, Elliott. [scoffs]
Max!
Dad! You're selling the farm?!
This is insane.
This? This is our lifeblood.
This is our roots.
Our-our blood, sweat and tears,
our history, our literal life.
I'm really sorry, Elliott.
[laughs] I honestly
didn't think you'd care.
Are you selling it because
I'm not taking it over?
No, there are lots of reasons,
none of which have to do with you.
[sighs softly]
I'm really sorry, Elliott.
It's already in progress.
We got a really good offer
we couldn't turn down.
We'll pass it over
after the fall harvest.
And you were just never
going to mention it?
Of course we were.
We tried a few times.
Hard to peg you down, kiddo.
Thought you'd be happy about it.
All you talk about is
leaving this place.
My God! I assumed it
would always be here!
You know what they say:
Assumptions are made. Most
assumptions are wrong.
Is that what they say, Dad?
Why don't you put it
on a hand towel, then?!
[Andy Shauf: "Martha Sways"]
[phone line ringing]
[Elliott] Where are you?
Why are you not answering?
I've sent you, like,
50 f*cking messages.
[line ringing]
[line continues ringing]
Max told me about the farm.
Is there anything I can
do, like... to stop it?
Pretty just like you
I only have a week left here.
Just please call me, okay?
I held her close
Like I held you
Martha sways
And I follow suit
She fills my glass
And I toss it back
Into the space
that once held you
[line ringing]
[line continues ringing]
[engine rumbling]
[grunts]
[turns off engine]
- Are you doing anything right now?
- [song ends]
[sprinkler whirring]
You want to help
me sell my boat?
[Chad] Yeah, I had
heard some rumors, like,
about zoning changes and it was
affecting the reservoir ponds and...
Something like that,
and I... I don't know.
I didn't know it was a
for-sure thing, but...
f*ck.
So even the summer boy workers
knew about it before me.
Whoa! Summer boy workers?
I was fine leaving.
I was really excited
to leave, but...
I just always thought it was
going to be here to come back to.
So, it feels really
different now.
'Cause when I leave, I'm
saying goodbye forever.
And I hate goodbyes.
I just really wish that time
would just stop for a second
so I could enjoy it for
a little bit longer.
Sorry. I shouldn't be
venting all this at you,
- like, throwing it at you.
- What?
Dude, no, I... I
actually, uh, I get it.
Do you remember the last time you
went out with friends as a kid
and just played
pretend the whole day?
I remember doing that a lot.
Yeah? Do you remember the very,
very last time you ever did it?
Isn't that sad?
You know, to think
that there was a time
when you were out biking
around with your friends,
pretending you were
getting chased by zombies,
you were just all dirty and sweaty
and having the best time and then...
you went home and parked your bike
in the garage and went to bed,
not realizing that that was the last time
you were ever going to get to do that.
But then, the thing about not
saying goodbye is that you also miss
savoring when it's gonna be, like, the
last time you get to do that thing.
I don't know, I, I...
sort of...
It doesn't make sense.
- It was deep as hell, Chad.
- [tender music playing]
[scoffs] Yeah.
I went to Poetry University.
Majored in deepness.
- [Elliott] Oh, my God! f*ck.
- Oh!
[Chad exhales heavily]
Sorry. [clears throat]
[Elliott] No, you're good. I...
[engine rumbling]
- Um...
- Um...
[Chad clears throat]
Sorry, uh...
No, it's... Yeah, I...
I have to go. I have
a dentist appointment.
- You... you have a dentist appointment?
- Yeah.
I, my tooth... My tooth is...
f*cked-up, so I have to,
I have to go, but can
you just get the, um...
At this, this dock, can you just
take it the rest of the way?
- [Chad] I-I mean...
- [Elliott] Just back to my house is fine.
- Just, I just have to go.
- Okay.
[Elliott] Do you have
your boating license?
- [Chad] No.
- Okay.
[phone line ringing]
- [water burbling in distance]
- [birds chirping]
[ringing continues]
[sighs heavily]
[ringing continues]
[Elliott] f*ck.
[Ro] I mean, there's only a
few stems and broken bits left.
That should be enough
for just me, right?
- Yeah, sure.
- Okay.
Wait, yo. What's
going on with you?
You've been MIA as f*ck lately,
and then you show up here
manic as hell on a Wednesday
during the random-a*s part of
the day asking for-for shroomies.
I've been so busy. The
busiest I've ever been.
- Right.
- It's like... it's not like that.
Why are you looking at
me like that? I'm fine.
Is this about the farm?
[whispers] It's
about so many things.
But just trust me when I
say it's so complicated.
Okay? Okay.
I mean, I'm not just gonna
let you go alone in the woods.
[birds chirping]
I mean, uh... Oh, it's... I
think that's a good amount.
[groans]
Delicious. [clears throat]
[Elliott exhales]
f*ck me.
Do you think I'm high yet?
No.
[Elliott] Okay, so I just
did the shrooms. Again.
Don't get mad! I'm
just trying to...
conjure you again because you
won't answer your f*cking phone
and I really need to talk to you
and I don't know how this works,
so if you get this,
I'm on Maude Island.
And I'm high.
Well, I-I will be high.
[loon wailing in distance]
Oh, my God.
[sighs]
Ro?
- [insects chirring]
- [owl hooting]
Ro?
Dude, this isn't funny.
Ro?
Dude, what the f*ck?
[Chad] Hey.
What are you doing here?
Ro texted me and said you wanted
to talk to me about something.
What?
They just left.
What the f*ck?
What did you want
to talk to me about?
[owl hoots]
[Chad sighs gently]
Ro said something about you wanting
to let me inside of your world.
[slow rhythmic ticks]
[bass thumps]
[rhythmic drum
sequence continues]
What the f*ck is going on?
I think I'm your one less
lonely girl, Elliott.
How did you know about my Bieber
fantasy as a nine-year-old?
I know that while all the other
girls screaming in the crowd
wanted to be the one
less lonely girl,
you wanted to be Bieber
handing out those roses.
[whispers] Now's your chance.
- [girls screaming excitedly in distance]
- [drumming continues]
[over speakers] All
right, let's go.
[girls screaming louder]
There's gonna be
one less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
There's gonna be
one less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
How many "I told
you's" and start overs
And shoulders have
you cried on before?
How many promises?
Be honest, girl
How many tears you
let hit the floor?
How many bags you packed
just to take 'em back?
Tell me that, how
many either or's?
No more
If you let me
inside of your world
- There'd be one less lonely girl
- Oh, oh, oh
Saw so many pretty faces
Before I saw you, you
- Now all I see is you
- I'm coming for you
I'm coming for you
No, no, don't need these other
pretty faces like I need you
And when you're
mine in the world
There's gonna be
one less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
- [music stops]
- [Elliott panting quietly]
[stifling laughter]
What the f*ck?
- [music resumes]
- Fix up your broken heart
I can give you a
brand-new start
I can make you believe, yeah
I just wanna set one
girl free to fall
Free to fall
Fall in love
Her heart's locked and
nowhere to get the key
I'll take her and leave
the world with one less
There's gonna be
one less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
There's gonna be
one less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
One less lonely girl
- [music stops]
- What in the f*ck?!
Who are you?
I'm changing, I'm growing.
- You are!
- I'm learning.
Do what you want to do
and fly like a bird.
- [Elliott laughing]
- Wow.
I actually don't ever want to
talk to you about this ever again.
- Why?
- I got what I needed from this conversation.
Moving forward, there's nothing...
We're not talking about it anymore.
[both laughing]
Okay.
Oh, God. Justin f*cking Bieber.
[both sigh]
I could use some butter.
- Maybe some, um, salt.
- [Elliott clears throat]
Okay.
I have a confession.
Low-key. A low-key
confession, okay?
I have, like...
weird feelings for someone.
Okay.
But...
the f*cked-up part
is it's, um...
[giggles]
It's a guy.
Oh, sh*t.
You like a guy?
Wow.
This all makes so
much sense now.
- Am I bi?
- Oh, sh*t.
What does this
actually f*cking mean?
I...
I-I mean, sh*t, if
you like him and...
I've just always been so sure
that I was only into women.
Like, it's never been
even a thought for me.
I don't know. Like,
I've just always...
[sighs]
I've just always
been into women.
But I'm just, when
I'm with him...
Like, dude.
- f*ck.
- No, it's f*cked. It is actually f*cked.
Just 'cause you like a man
doesn't make you any less q*eer.
I don't think any less of
you for being straight.
- [thumping]
- [laughing] No, sorry.
- Straight?
- [laughing]
That's the f*cking worst thing
you've ever called me in my life.
Like, you said it yourself
about-about labels and sh*t,
and if they feel
useful, then use them.
And if they stop feeling
useful, then stop using them.
- Hmm.
- You told me that.
Listen to yourself. Listen to your
heart. Your m*therf*cking gut.
Listen to your gut.
But I've also gotta
listen to my old a*s.
You like asses now or something?
- Yeah.
- Same.
I've been wanting to talk...
I've been wanting to talk to
you about this for a while.
- I, like, want to meet him.
- Shut up.
Is he cute?
[giggling]
[Spencer humming a happy tune]
Oh!
- [Spencer] Do you love it?
- Spencer!
I still have three walls
to finish before I move in.
Could you not have
waited till I left?
I actually thought you left.
I'm not sleeping in that bed
tonight with her staring at me.
Girl, this is not okay.
Could you put this up there?
I need to see the balance.
[chuckling]
- [Elliott blows through lips]
- [Spencer laughs]
Where?
Right there.
- Here?
- No, uh, over there.
Uh, up. Uh, down.
- Uh, little to the left.
- Oh, my God.
[Kathy] Ugh. Can't believe
you leave in a few days.
[Elliott sighs]
You excited?
I was thinking about
you last night.
And about how, when
you were two...
and you still hadn't slept
through the night. Ugh.
[laughing] Oh, God, you were
such a terrible sleeper.
- [Elliott laughs]
- I had to rock you for ages,
and you were so specific
in what you wanted.
I had to sing
"Twinkle, Twinkle."
- [Elliott laughs]
- And you needed your blanket.
And you had to have two pacis,
one in each hand, and a bottle.
- Why was I so demanding?
- I don't know!
- It tracks.
- [both laughing]
And I remember one night,
I think I must have been singing
"Twinkle, Twinkle" for about 45 minutes.
And my throat was so dry
and my legs were all cramped
and I thought, "Oh, Lord. I just
can't do this for another second."
You should have thrown me in my
crib and told me to get over myself.
I know.
So, what did you do?
I kept rocking you.
Mom! Self-care!
- I know.
- [Elliott laughs]
But I remember one night,
shortly after that...
you turned to me and
you just said, "Crib."
All matter-of-fact.
And so, I put you down
and you looked at
me and you smiled.
And then you rolled over
and you fell asleep.
Just like that.
And I was so proud of you...
'cause you didn't need me
to get you to sleep anymore.
But, at that moment...
[emotional sigh]
I also realized that I wasn't
going to get to rock you anymore.
And I guess that's
how I feel now.
Really proud of you...
but also a little bit sad.
[tender music playing]
I'm gonna miss you.
- So much.
- Aw.
And I still need you. Like,
I'm literally an idiot.
- I don't know anything, so...
- No.
You're not an idiot.
[sniffles]
[Kathy laughing]
[Kathy groans]
[tender music continues playing]
[sighs quietly]
[bird calling]
- [Ro giggling]
- [Elliott] Shh. Shh.
- [Ruthie] I'm so excited to meet him.
- [Ro] Whoa.
- Why am I sweating?
- Why are you so nervous?
You introduce us to
every girl you're banging
- within, what, like 30 seconds?
- We're not...
- That's true.
- Oh, you're not banging?
Hey.
Um, these are my best friends.
This is Ruthie, and this is Ro.
- Hi. - [Chad] Hey.
- Ro.
- [Chad] Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
I cannot believe someone actually
wants to purchase this boat.
I know! Right when I came up with
the perfect name for it, too.
Ready?
Piece of Ship.
- [Ro] Womp-womp.
- [Chad] No? - [laughter]
- That's the best you could come up with?
- Okay.
My alternative was
Motor? I Hardly Know Her.
Right there!
Golden. Much better.
Or I had, I had Ship-Faced.
Master Baiter.
- Master Baiter. That's classic.
- Um...
- Playbouy.
- Play... Yo, how-how does she have so many names?
- [Elliott] That's What Sea Said.
- I see why it works.
That's What Sea Said is
good, too, yeah. There...
- There's so many options.
- [Elliott laughs]
Wait, did...
Did you clean her?
Uh, yeah, you know,
just a little bit.
This looks amazing.
All the rust is literally gone.
How did you do that?
You know, just popped in a
podcast, little bit of soap.
Four to six hours of scraping.
It was no... it was nothing.
I was, I was chillin'.
You want to take her
out for one last spin?
We're, no... we're actually,
we're late for something.
We gotta head out.
- If there was, like, four of us on this boat, we would all sink.
- Yeah, right?
Like, we gotta go,
yeah, but, bro.
[whispers] Way to
make it obvious.
[Chad] It was good
to meet you guys.
- [Elliott laughing] Bye.
- Have fun.
- [Elliott] Bye, guys.
- You guys... be so safe, okay? - Be safe!
- [Elliott] Mm-hmm. - Nice to meet you both.
- [Ro] Nice to meet you.
[Ro mocking] Don't
rock the boat too much.
- Ignore. Ignore. Ignore.
- Sorry.
[Coeur de Pirate:
"Comme des enfants"]
[song continues in French]
[talking indistinctly]
[Elliott] What are you doing?
[laughing]
[Chad] Whoa!
[song continues in French]
[Elliott screams]
[Chad howling]
[Chad yipping]
How's it chillin' over there?
I'm chillin'...
chillin' good over here.
- [song stops abruptly]
- [both] Oh!
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
No, why are you laughing?
What the f*ck? What do I do?
- Do we go back and get it?
- You know what?
- We cut the price to 350.
- [Elliott laughs]
Motor's at the bottom
of Lake Muskoka now.
f*ck!
Don't worry, don't
worry, don't worry.
My dad's got, like, a whole
stack of old motors in his shop.
- It's fine.
- [laughing]
[thunder rumbles]
sh*t.
- [Chad] Go, go, go, go!
- Oh, my God.
[Chad groans loudly]
- What the hell? Why is the rain so cold?
- It's so f*cking cold.
- It's so f*cking cold. Hoodie?
- What?
- Wow.
- I know. I come prepared.
Turn around.
Don't look.
[laughing] I'm not looking.
[thunder rumbles]
[thunder rumbling]
[Chad sighs]
Thanks for the sweater.
Anytime.
It's warm.
[laughing] Good.
Do you feel like you found what you
were looking for by coming here?
What do you mean?
You mentioned something about...
like, wanting to get in
touch with your roots.
Like learning about cranberry farming
and stuff, so I just, I don't know.
I wanted to know if you
felt like you did that.
Yeah, actually.
[chuckles] Um...
My whole life, my
family's been telling me,
you know, how much I remind
them of my grandfather.
So I-I, I think...
at least coming here,
I-I got to know him or...
understand him a
little bit better.
Which is cool.
It's very cool.
Where do you normally live?
- Toronto.
- What?!
- Yeah.
- I'm going to U of T in, like, a week.
I go to U of T.
Wait, what?!
How have we never f*cking
talked about this?
- I don't know, man.
- [chuckles]
Cold?
[thunder rumbling]
I'm g*y.
[quietly] Cool.
I thought I was g*y.
You thought you were g*y?
Yeah.
Till I met...
this person named Gary.
- Gary.
- Gary.
And Gary made me
realize that, um...
I don't know, I'm
bi or maybe pan.
I've, like, yet to
figure that out.
But yeah.
Okay.
And then my friend...
[groaning] Oh, my God. And
then my friend was like,
"Ah, don't do it.
Gary's bad news."
Whoa. Bad news?
Mm-hmm. Bad news.
What, what did Gary do?
Well, she wouldn't tell me
exactly what Gary did, but...
I just... it... yeah, it was... I
just was not supposed to go there.
With him.
Hmm.
This friend of yours
sounds rather elusive.
Oh, yeah. She's a real
f*cking buzzkill, but...
I'm supposed to
listen to her, so...
[Chad] Hmm.
What does your gut
tell you to do?
Re: Gary.
My gut?
My gut is, um...
pretty interested in
what Gary's all about.
- I see.
- Mm.
I like looking at your face.
I like looking at your face.
I want to kiss you.
[whispers] I want to kiss you.
Stop copying everything I say.
Sorry, you know I
don't have a brain.
- Don't make me insecure about it.
- [laughs]
Sorry, I'm bad at this, so...
[Feist: "Let It Die"]
Let it die
And get out of my mind
We don't see eye to eye
Or hear ear to ear
Don't you wish
That we could
forget that kiss
And see this for what it is...
I've never had...
d*ck sex before.
Do you want to have...
d*ck sex?
Maybe.
Of a broken heart
Isn't the ending
So much as the start
[birds chirping]
[song ends]
I'd invite you in, but...
I don't really want my parents to know
I hooked up with a summer boy worker.
- How embarrassing for you.
- It's not good for me.
See you later?
Mm-hmm.
- Okay, you need to go.
- Okay.
- I don't want them to see you.
- I'm going, I'm going.
- Stop staring at my butt!
- [Elliott laughs]
- Psst!
- Oh, my God.
- What was that?
- What the f*ck?
What the f*ck are
you doing here?
- Were you kissing Chad?
- No.
- No?
- No. A little.
What the f*ck is that?
[Elliott] Dude, where the f*ck have
you been? I thought you f*cking died.
Dude, I was gone
for four days, okay?
Four days on my Hubbya retreat.
I get back, I have
200 messages from you.
What the f*ck is Hubbya?
It's, uh, transcendental
meditation, but better, actually.
Penelope Disick invented it.
Oh, f*ck, I was so
worried about you.
I had to eat, like, three pounds of my
girlfriend's friend's weed to get here.
- Oh, f*ck.
- Are you okay?
What is that? Why? Why?
It's not even
dragonfly season yet.
There are no dragonflies, dude.
Dude, I told you, we
don't tolerate drugs well.
- I don't know what to tell you.
- Oh, my God.
I'm really high. I need
water or something.
You can't just
disappear like that.
You should have told me you were
going on some hoobie retreat.
- Hubbya.
- I found out about the farm.
- And then all the Chad stuff happened.
- What?
What Chad stuff?
- What? What?
- I, uh...
That's what I've been trying
to, like, talk to you about.
- I've been trying, okay? Really hard.
- Uh-huh.
And I get it now. Like, all
the other advice was so good.
Like, I was taking so
much of our life and...
our family, like, for granted.
Yeah, I see that now, okay?
- Okay, well, you're welcome.
- Mm-hmm.
But I...
I was just too
scared to tell you...
when I started falling
in love with Chad.
- [sighs]
- I know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I didn't want to
let you down or...
like, mess up our life
or something, but...
Just say it.
- [whispering] We had sex.
- [groans]
I know. I'm sorry.
I know you told me not to.
But...
Dude.
Everything about him...
like, feels so right.
I'm sorry, but I've tried so hard
to find one bad thing about him,
and I literally can't.
Dude, I don't understand why we
wouldn't want to be with him.
I just need you to
tell me what he did.
Like, just f*cking lay it out 'cause I'm
not gonna be able to stay away from him.
Like, the connection
is too real.
So, just f*cking
tell me what he did.
- No.
- What did he do?
- Tell me what he does.
- I can't.
I swear to God... Tell me.
It literally cannot be that bad.
He died.
That's what he did.
Chad dies.
And he dies after you have
fallen so madly in love with him
that you can't see
straight, okay?
After you can't imagine loving
anybody else ever again.
And no, you can't save him.
I know that's what you're gonna
say, but no, you can't save him.
There's nothing you can do.
And-and you can't find
anything bad about Chad
because there isn't anything
bad about Chad, okay?
[tender music playing]
Elliott, it is so hard, okay?
It is so, so hard, and I do not
want you to have to feel that sh*t.
[Older Elliott sighs]
[Older Elliott sighs]
[breathes deeply]
[sniffles]
No.
No?
No, I'm gonna fall
in love with Chad.
I'm gonna love him...
so hard for however
long we have.
Yeah, you're just saying that
because you're young and dumb.
Okay, but if you
weren't young and dumb,
you'd never f*cking be
brave enough to do anything.
If you knew how shitty
and unfair life would be,
you'd never leave your house.
You'd never enjoy
spending time with anyone
because you'd just be thinking about
the fact that they're gonna die someday.
But when you're young and dumb,
you don't even think about that.
And that's what lets
you actually live.
So maybe being young and
dumb isn't such a bad thing.
Have you ever
thought about that?
[Chad] Hey, Elliott.
You dropped this.
Sorry to interrupt.
Can you see her?
See her?
Yes.
- Am I not supposed to?
- [Older Elliott laughs quietly]
Cool, cool. Um...
- This is my Uncle Michelle.
- Michelle.
Hey. I'm Chad.
Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you, too... Chad.
I've never met an
uncle named Michelle.
[Older Elliott
laughs] That's funny.
[Chad] So, I hate to be
the bearer of bad news,
um, I think this got
run over by a car.
Like...
I don't know, but it wasn't me.
- I don't know what happened. Uh...
- [gentle melody playing]
we can try to get it out with,
like, like, bleach or something.
And, you know, some...
some good old scrubbing.
But I just thought I would
get it back to you...
- [Chad continues indistinctly, distantly]
-
[Chad continues distantly]
[Chad] ...could be a new
thing, roadkill chic.
[laughs]
[Chad] Um...
I will catch you guys later.
No, no, don't,
don't leave. Um...
I was about to
leave, so you stay.
- [Elliott] What?
- Stay with Elliott.
- No, you weren't.
- Yes, I was.
No, you weren't.
Yes, I was.
It was really nice
to meet you... Chad.
Yeah, it was good
to meet you, too.
[laughs softly]
[sniffles quietly]
[sniffles]
[Chad] Is she okay?
Yeah, she'll be okay.
Are you okay?
Yeah.
I think this is more of
a baking soda situation,
now that I'm thinking
about it, 'cause I...
I-I think if we put bleach on it, it
would turn it all orange and stuff.
But, I don't know. Either way,
it's like a cold-water thing.
I really like you. Like,
really... really like you.
I really... I really,
really like you, too.
I'm really grateful for
this moment with you.
I'm very grateful for
this moment with you, too.
- [insects chirring]
- [birds chirping]
[music fades]
[water sloshing]
[Kathy and Tom
talking indistinctly]
[Kathy] Well, you're gonna
have to get it yourself.
- [Tom mutters]
- [laughs]
[Kathy] You want
one of those things?
[grunting]
[Older Elliott] Hey.
Um... [scoffs]
Curve, curve!
- [Older Elliott] I'm sorry. I...
- I'm curving. [laughing]
- [Max] I'm going this way.
- Hope...
you're okay.
- [Spencer talking indistinctly]
- [Older Elliott] Um...
I wanted to send you
one last message.
[Elliott] Come in.
- [Older Elliott] You're right, Elliott.
- [family chattering]
I should listen to you.
I never realized how
wise my young a*s was.
Okay, that sounded weird, but...
[over phone] What I'm
trying to say is...
[sighs heavily]
you're right.
You shouldn't live your life
for me or for the future
or get stuck in the past,
because that is not living.
[Older Elliott inhales,
exhales deeply]
[exhales]
I'm so happy you fell
in love with Chad.
- [Older Elliott inhales]
- [sniffles]
Because... loving
Chad is a gift.
And being loved
by him... [scoffs]
[Older Elliott's breath quivers]
it's the best f*cking
thing in the world.
[sniffles, crying]
So just, f*ck it, just
keep being the naive,
dumb, pore-less, smart...
- [laughing]
- Happy, confident, brave,
self-centered optimistic
idiot that you are because...
it's perfect.
And go live your life with Chad.
Or Chad and your three wives
or whatever you decide
is right for you.
- And I'll go live mine again, okay?
- [laughing]
I love you.
[sniffles]
Now, go say goodbye
to that lake for me.
And wear your retainer and
moisturize, please, thank you.
[bright melody playing]
Whoo!
[gentle melody playing]
[lighthearted music playing]
[music fades]
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My Old a*s (2024)
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