03x32 & 03x33 - Best Foes/Night of the Vesuviuses

[bunniefuu]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-Hit it!

-Cute and cuddly, boys.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-Lay some sweet morning
surveillance on me, boys.

-Get along, little doggy.

Yee-haw!

-I don't know what's going
on at the lemur habitat.

But I do know we
want no part of it.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-Oh!

Two-second rule.

Still good.

-Marlene, A-OK.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-Something strange at the
chimp habitat, Skipper.

SKIPPER: Hmm.

Looks like they're-- needle!

Code red!

He's got a need-- ugh.

Is the start of a
needle free for all?

First the chimps, then who?

Roger?

Marlene?

Mark these words!

It ain't gonna be me!

Mark 'em!

Not me!

-You needn't worry, Skipper.

Judging by this National
Space Programme insignia,

and this attached
picture of Phil,

I deduce he has been
drafted for space

exploration, specifically lunar.

-Whoa.

Whoa!

Whoa!

Whoa.

The rocket nerds
picked a poo-flinger?

Why not a penguin?

Men, for too long
chimps have been

the go-to species for
space exploration.

No more!

This time a penguin
is going to the moon!

-Yes!

-I'll disguise myself as Phil,
take his place, and then, once

on the moon, reveal
my penguin identity.

Boom!

Bam!

Little human minds
blown everywhere!

-Brilliant, Skipper!

-Instantaneous respect for our
dignified and proud species.

-Yeah. [BELCH]

-Just one small flaw,
a tiny, teeny error.

[CLEARS THROAT] I
should be the one to go.

-You?

-Why you?

-Because traversing the
inky black void of space

is complicated
business, requiring

a disciplined,
scientific intellect.

-They were gonna send a chimp,
a chimp who eats his toenails!

The only skill involved
will be smiling and waving

for the cameras of the world.

-Right.

Which is why I should go.

I am the most photogenic.

Sorry.

-I wanna go!

-You, Rico?

Well, I hardly think--

-Fine!

We're going to
compete for the glory.

Now, does that appeal
to your child-like sense

of fairness, Private?

-Space is way, way,
way treacherous.

Exiting the Earth's
atmosphere will subject

the astronaut to
intense G-forces.

-Hit it, Roy!

-Consider it hit.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-[CRYING]

-[SCREAMING]

-Losing conscious-- oh!

Stupid G-forces.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-Weightlessness could
induce space queasiness!

Which is a lot like regular
queasiness, but in space!

[STOMACH GROWLING]

-Oh, no.

Oh!

Oh.

-Good golly, man!

You're vomiting everything
but the kitchen sink.

[SCREAMING]

[CRASH]

-Stupid-- oh.

-Factoid.

There is no oxygen on the moon.

Holding one's breath
could mean the difference

between life or death.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-[GASPING] Oh!

-Oh, now you're
just showing off.

Stupid lungs!

--[LAUGHING] I'm
going to the moon!

Yay!

-I say, chaps.

What ever are the gas masks for?

-Silly question.

The knock-out gas.

-Oh, well that makes--

[expl*si*n]

-This is it, Private.

You're off.

-Oook.

Oook.

I fancy a bananer.

Oook.

Ook.

Ook.

-Mmm.

Looked better in the picture.

CHUCK CHARLES: And so
the mission begins.

One brave little monkey
is on that rocket,

destination, the moon.

Correction.

Brave little penguin.

-Destination, the history books.

Hoo-ha!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-Private, report.

PRIVATE: I'm
approaching the moon.

It's-- it's magnificent!

CHUCK CHARLES: Chuck
Charles, coming

to you live from
mission control.

We are moments away
from monkey touchdown.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

MISSION CONTROL: Initiating
subset thrusters.

Contact on lunar
surface, three, two, one.

Oh yeah.

We nailed it.

-High five!

CHUCK CHARLES: The
chimp has landed.

PRIVATE: Oook.

Ook.

Look at me.

I'm on the moon.

Where are the bananers?

I win!

You guys, the moon is fantastic!

I could eat peanut butter
winkies and iced lollies

all day and I'd still
float like a feather!

-Focus on the mission, Private!

Time to knock those pencil-necks
on their corduroy keesters!

Unmask, Private.

Unmask!

PRIVATE: Roger, Skipper.

Unmasking now.

-Tell us, hardworking
scientist, what happens now?

PRIVATE: Wait.

Zipper seems to be stuck!

-Well, Chuck.

We'll check on the chimp
in another 25 years or so.

But right now, we
bring the rocket home.

-Hey!

-That's right, world!

I am no chimp!

I'm a penguin!

[ROCKET ENGINES]

-And now we are a go for lunch!

-Yeah.

-All right.

Lunch.

-Uh, check my science, Kowalski.

Private needs that rocket
to come home, right?

-Uh-huh.

PRIVATE: Ha-ha!

A penguin, that's right.

Oh, I wish I could see the
look on your silly human faces.

This is the greatest
moment in my life,

the greatest moment
in any penguin's life!

[LAUGHING]

-Uh, Private?

Great work.

Really great stuff.

But, uh, we've got a slight,
uh, snafu here on the ground.

PRIVATE: Um, OK.

-But still, good job.

Really, really good job.

Ooh, another call.

Gotta go.



Private's stuck up there for--

OLD PRIVATE: 25 years.

Golly, how I've
missed the Earth.

I can't wait to catch
up on the Lunacorns.

There must be hundreds
of episodes waiting!

Oh, boy.

-Private.

The Lunacorns were cancelled.

-Cancelled?

-Like two days after you left.

-No!

-I won't allow it.

I can't allow it.

I will not let him grow a beard!

This, boys, has just turned
into a rescue mission.

KOWALSKI: But Skipper, each
of us failed space training.

We can't-- not try.

Not try was totally how I was
going to end that sentence.

-That's right.

Private!

Sit tight, buddy.

We're coming for ya!

-Um, Skipper, the rocket ship
seems to be going somewhere.

Is that a problem?

SKIPPER: No!

No.

Um, no.

Why should you be worried?

Kowalski, odds of
Private surviving this?

KOWALSKI: One in 12.

And Skipper, your flipper
is still on the button.

SKIPPER: [GRUMBLING]

-Let's see.

Rooftops.

Upper atmosphere.

Moon!

[BEEPING]

Here come the G-forces.

Keep it together, Kowalski!

Don't faint!

Awake!

Stay awake.

Awa--

Thanks, Skipper.

I needed that.

I didn't faint.

I did it!

I am spa-- Oh.

-Sorry.

Kind of looked like you
were about to faint again.

-No it didn't!

-Kinda did.

To the moon!

-Totally didn't.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Oxygen is flowing.

-Hey, Rico.

How's the astro affecting
the gastro, buddy?

-[MOANING]

-That's it.

Pay no mind to be unbearable,
unrelenting nausea,

that feeling you've
crammed 30 pounds of spew

into a three-pound bag.

-Now it's just a
little hunch, Kowalski.

But maybe you should
shut your fish-hole!

Please!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-Some fun!

Rude!

Skipper!

-Suit up, soldier!

Your ride is here!

-Yay!

How was the trip?

SKIPPER: Oh, it was fine.

Made good time.

Kowalski managed not to faint.

And Rico only horked once.

PRIVATE: Um, Skipper?

Rico didn't happen to hork
up a chainsaw, did he?

-Yeah.

Pretty gross.

-Oh!

-Tell me about it.

-Gah!

-Yeah.
Yeah.

I get it.

I was there, remember?

Ah!

Your oxygen!

-Gah.

-No air!

But you can hold
your breath, right?

You nailed that
competition, remember?

You can hold your
breath all day long.

-Gah!

-And me, not so much.

But on the other hand,
you didn't expect this,

and, uh-- well, isn't this
a moment drenched in irony.

[GASP]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-[GASPING] Oh, Skipper.

You saved me!

I just want to take this
opportunity to say-- uh, sorry.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-[GASP] Mission accomplished!

Kowalski, take us home.

-Course already plotted.

And away we go!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-I don't remember
home being so red.

-Yeah.

-Kowalski?

-OK.

So I may have plotted
that course wrong.

But hey, positive note.

We beat the chimps
and humans to Mars!

Up high!

Yeah?

[SCREAMS]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

TV ANNOUNCER: It's a battle
in the bayou as the New York

Behemoths collide
with the Miami Mayhem.

-Ready to get your
game on, Skipper?

-Oh, yeah.

Got my pregame hike, my
super-fan gear, my tasty array

of greasy,
artery-clogging snacks.

Rico!

-What?

I'm hungry.

-Oh, great.

Now we got to execute
another snack mission.

Come on, boys.

-Well, actually
Skipper, Private and I

are going to pass on the game.

-Pass?

What?

I mean, well, Private I get.

He thinks soccer is football.

-Makes more sense than
throwing a misshapen

ball with your flippers.

-So what's your
excuse, Kowalski?

-Fall is the perfect time
to observe the annual end

of photosynthetic
glucose production.

-Plus, the leaves are so pretty!

-Yes.

Pretty leaves.

Anyway, since the forecast
calls for a change in weather,

this might be our last chance.

-All right, boys.

Report back on those leaves.

You know I don't trust
anything that turns red.

Well, compadre, looks
like it's just me and you.

-Ah, pregame.

-Hey, I can't carry
all those family

fun pack sized snacks myself.

Take at least two of us.

MARLENE: Got two
hands right here,

my friends, with digits even.

Plus, I don't got all snarl,
growl crazy outside the zoo

anymore.

-I don't know, Marlene.

You on snack retrieval?

I'm not sure you're
mission-ready.

-Come on.

If we hurry we can get
back before kickoff.

PRIVATE: Oh, look at that.

It's like a ruddy scarlet.

-Hey, guys.

What you doing?

-Hi, Fred.

We're watching
the leaves change.

-Oh.

Uh, change into what, though?

-I will not engage.

I will not engage.

I will not engage.

[WIND BLOWING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

SKIPPER: Coast is clear.

Welcome to nosh heaven, Marlene.

If it comes in a wrapper,
carton, or screw-top

they have it here.

-Ooh.

Slushiccinos.

OK.
Let's see.

Lemon.

Mmm.

Cherry.

Pineapple.

And whatever this blue
colour is supposed to be.

I don't--

-Try them all!

Live dangerously.

Hmm.

Let's start with the
sticky food group.

TV WEATHERMAN: It's
freakish and it's

here, the storm of the century.

If you're outside, get inside.

And if you're
inside, stay there,

because this is Snowmageddon.

-Oh, that guy's always wrong.

Hey, Marlene!

What channel is the game on?

[DOOR OPENING]

-Uh-oh.

[FOOTSTEPS]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-X!

Why did it have to be X?

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-Um, Fred, do you mind?

-Mind what?

-It's starting to snow.

-No, I don't mind that
it's starting to snow.

-Oh, precipitous precipitation!

Perhaps we should
head back before-- oh!

Private!

Give me the camera.

Oh!

It's X.

-As in former animal
control exterminator,

temporary zoo keeper,
fish monger officer X?

-That's him.

-He's in there with Skipper?

We've got to-- oh!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-[SNIFFING] Otter and penguin!

-Run, Marlene!

Run!

Oh, look.

Snowmaggedon.

X: Gotcha!

-Oh.

Argh.

My head hurts in five--
oh, six different-- oh!

Seven.

No time for that now.

Skipper needs us!

Ow.

-Oh, dear.

This seems to be some
very hard-packed snow.

KOWALSKI: Yes.

Very.

-It'll take a while to dig out.

But on a brighter
note, Rico's bound

to have noticed the weather.

He's probably already
on his way to rescue us!

TV ANNOUNCER: Douglas
drops back in the pocket,

fires, and touchdown Behemoths!

-Woo!

Yeah!

All right!

Hey!

Yeah!

-We are not getting out of
here anytime soon, are we?

-No.

But listen, Private.

There's something I'm
even more concerned about.

We need to keep a
close eye on Fred.

-Oh!

Really?

Why?

-Limited space combined
with limited intellect

makes Fred a prime
candidate for the winter

madness known as cabin fever.

FRED: Wait, wait.

We're in a tree.

What do you mean, cabin?

-Gosh, I'd think
if anyone would get

cabin fever it'd
be a smarty pants.

You know, someone who actually
understands our dire straits.

-Huh.

Never thought of
it that way before.

--[SNIFFING] This hiding
space is not so sweet.

-Sweet?

Really?

That's the joke-- I mean, aah!

X: This spot is fizzed out.

-Better, but-- aaah!

X: And that one
was just garbage.

-It's too much.

Too much.

-Now, where is your penguin pal?

-Hey, Mr. X. I'm
not a fan of you!

--[GRUMBLING] I know you're
here somewhere, penguin.

And I will catch you, no
matter where you hide.

[LAUGHTER] Oh, yeah.

I will.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-Acorn?

-What?

Oh, no thank you, Fred.

I'm not hungry.

-What?

No, I was just asking if you
think this is in an acorn.

You know, it kind of
looks like a pecan to me.

But you're probably right.

It's probably an acorn.

Yeah.

It's definitely an acorn.

-Do you have to talk so much?

Don't you understand?

Each inane word, each
banal syllable consumes

more and more of
our precious oxygen!

[GASPING]

-Kowalski?

-Cabin fever!

But, but, but I can fight
it with my intellect!

Yes!

All I need do is devise a
mental puzzle to keep me-- ow!

Sharp.

But what puzzle?

Godel's paradox?

No, no.

Too easy.

-How would a pair of ducks help?

-Paradox!

-I'm sure it makes
sense to Kowalski.

-Boo.

-[SHIVERING] Skipper?

Do you have a plan here?

-Do I?

We hang tight until
this cow juice expires.

Then we use the putrid
scent of curdled milk

to stun and overcome X.

-Um, I'm not sure about that.

-No, you're right.

We'd totally miss the game.

OK.

Now try this on.

That window.

It's a little high and getting
there would be a little-

-Good.

Let's go.

I'm freezing.

Skipper!

It totally worked!

We can-- oh!

-A bird in the
hand is infinitely

better than an otter in a rush.

But why not have both?

Aargh!

-I believe the sign says all
employees must wash-- oh!

-Otter's gone.

But it don't matter.

You penguin are the triple-power
lotto grand jackpot prize.

The otter was just
a $2 scratcher.

-I'm not even sure
I get that analogy.

But gosh, I think I
should be insulted.

-[MUMBLING] Carry the eight.

Yes, yes, yes.

This is making sense!

Yes!

Yes.

I think I've got--

-Acorn?

I know what you're thinking.

It's gonna taste like corn.

But weird thing, it doesn't.

-You, you interrupted
me for that?

I, I, I, I was this close to
solving an ancient mystery that

has haunted science
since the dawn of time!

How much wood could
a woodchuck chuck

if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

I almost cracked it!

Almost!

But then you had to
offer me an acorn!

-It tastes, uh, nutty.

You know what?

I think they should
call it an a-nut.

-Ooh!

That's it!

No, no more fi--
no more fighting!

I've got--

[DING]

Cabin fever!

-What's with him?

-Well, he'd very much like to
leave this tree, as would I.

-Oh.

So why don't you just go
out through the basement?

-Fred, what makes you think
a tree has a basement?

-'Cause it's my house.

-This is your house?

-You couldn't have
mentioned that earlier?

[TOILET FLUSHING]

-Thanks, Fred.

-No problem.

Oh, and Kowalski, a woodchuck
would chuck about three logs'

worth given a standard
diameter of 14 inches

and a typical
hardness of an oak.

You know, if they
could chuck wood.

-Oh.

-We're coming, Skipper!

X: Animal control?

Let me speak to the top dog.

No, I don't want to
talk to an actual dog.

I want to talk the boss lady.

Why, yes, it is
indeed former animal

control officer X. Who is this?

Dave?

Well, I don't know why you
need to know that, Dave.

All you need to know is I need
to talk to Supervisor Eubanks.

Well, yes, it does have
to do with a penguin.

What of it?

I-- hello?

Dave?

I never liked Dave.

But that's OK.

I'd trudge through 100 blizzards
to deliver you to justice.

MARLENE: If you're going to
do that, be sure to hydrate.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-Whoa-ha-ha!

-Really?

You couldn't have
done that sooner?

-I really hate the
taste of licorice.

-So what do you think?

Pretty good, huh?

-Remember to hydrate?

Little weak.

But the action, that was
pure penguin gold, Marlene.

-Well, uh, thank you.

Actually, I was kind--

-Thought no one was
minding the store, hmm?

Wrong.

X is always on the job.

[LAUGHTER] Oh!

-Hey!

Hoo!

Skipper, we're here!

-And ready for act-- OK.

Never mind.

-Skipper.

We were so worried about you!

-Ah, you nervous Nellies.

X was nothing Marlene
and I couldn't handle.

-We bad!

-Now let's get
back home so I can

at least see the
end of the game.

TV ANNOUNCER: A real nail-biter!

Never have I see a
more exciting finish!

-Woo!

Wow.

TV ANNOUNCER: But in the end,
the Behemoths take it, 27-26.

-Hey, where you been?

[MUSIC PLAYING]