03x22 - Private and the Winky Factory

[bunniefuu]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-Cute and cuddly, boys.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[EATING NOISES]

-Peanuts are so yum-yum.

I keep in them in my tum-tums.

What?

[expl*si*n, YELLING]

-That doesn't bend that way.

SKIPPER: Good work, boys.

We've captured the elephant.

-If you guys want some
peanuts, just ask.

-Oopsie.

-False alarm.

Seems to be a calibration error.

ROBOT VOICE: Alert.

Enemy detected.

Alert.

-Here we go.

Enemy movement in zone two.

I calibrated, all right.

-Move, move, move.

-The blood's
rushing to my trunk.

[expl*si*n]

ROBOT VOICE: Alert.

Enemy detected.

-False alarm.

[expl*si*n]

ROBOT VOICE: Alert.

Enemy detected.

-False alarm.

[expl*si*n]

ROBOT VOICE: Alert.

Enemy detected.

-Um.

ROBOT VOICE: Alert.

Enemy detected.

-[SHOUTING] Stop going off!

Kowalski, your new alarm doodad
is targeting the entire zoo.

I can't even hear my
own voice anymore.

Am I yelling?

I want to be yelling.

Make sure I'm yelling.

-Hey, what?

-I don't understand.

The science is so simple.

Built-in bio-emoticon
sensors scan a subject

and instantly detect if
they are a friend or enemy.

-A-ha.

Silly, silly, Kowalski.

Friendship is recognised
by our hearts.

Even a newborn
lunacorn knows that.

-Permission to slap
the Private, Skipper.

[MACHINE BEEPING]

-I'll show you how to fix it.

[YELLING]

-Skipper!

Did that hurt?

ROBOT VOICE: Enemy,
enemy, enemy.

-All of you.

Don't come any closer.

-What are you do--

[YELLING]

-Nice try, but you won't take
me that easy, you enemies.

-Enemies?

-Enemies.

-Rude.

What got into him?

-Gadzooks!

There's the problem.

I accidentally installed the
bio-emoticon sensor backwards.

That's why the alarm
thinks friends are enemies.

[LAUGHING] Classic me.

-But why did Skipper attack us?

-The alarm programming must have
downloaded into Skipper, which

means-- [GASPS] his
sense of friend and foe

has been reversed.

-Enemies.

Enemies.

Enemies.

I need backup.

Someone I can
trust with my life.

-Hans's log.

Evil Plan 204 to defeat
the penguins has failed.

You always try to finish
it with the fish hands.

Let the fish go already.

-Hiya, Hans.

[YELLING]

-Skipper?

What're you--

-C'mere, my best buddy.

-Best buddy?

-Yeah.

You and me, old chumly.

We're the dream team.

[LAUGHING]

-Oh, I see.

This is a dream.

Specifically, the
secret one I have

where you and I are
BFF chumsy fumsies.

Oh, you didn't hear me say it.

-So what do you say?

Ready to lay the smackdown
on some penguin foes.

-OK, I'll go with it.

-Skipper is an expert at
anti-tracking footwear.

Thus, we must
search for him using

a one-footed, counter-clockwise,
flippy-flop wobble pattern.

[LAUGHING]

-Look at me.

-And just what are
we supposed to do

if Skipper goes
all commando on us.

[GRUNTING]

-Fear not, Maurice.

I need merely attach one of
these scientifically designed

suction, uh, thingies
to Skipper and he

will re-zap to his normal,
friend-detecting self.

Yes?

[MUFFLED YELLING]

-Great move, palsy.

-Stay frosty, mi amigo.

We're surrounded by hostiles.

-Amigo?

-Yeah.

I am his primo amigo.

-Oh, Hans stole our friend.

-Deploy BFF handshake.

Go.

[CACKLING]

-[SHOUTING] Hey,
shut up down there.

Trying to catch our z's.



[expl*si*n, YELLING]

-You too, Maurice.

Jeezy Louise-y.

-Rico, try a knockout b*mb.

-OK.

Ugh.

Oh, wait a minute.

I don't that, I don't that.

Oh, no, no.

[expl*si*n]

[YELLING]

-Make your move, you
two-time turncoat.

-Hi-ya.

-Oh, come on.

I mean, punch or something.

-I won't do it, Skipper.

Just like the lunacorns
say, friendship

is the art that's in our heart.

And that's not all they say
on the topic of friendship.

Remember?

-Remember my friends.

[YELLING]

-Those fiendish
penguins escaped.

But don't worry.

There's a whole zoo
of foes to round up.

-Yay for besties.

-La la la la.

[expl*si*n]

-I don't want to go
back to on the train.

-Haha, I just want to talk.

-Egads, they captured
the whole zoo.

-Skipper never took
wacky photos with me.

I mean, what are we
going to do, Kowalski?

-I'm out of options.

We simply can't get close enough
to zap Skipper with the alarm.

-Ah!

[HUMMING]

-Hey, hey.

Ring-Tail, my mammal.

Looking sharp, my friend.

-Hey, back at you, fellow fresh.

[SINGING] Gonna find the funk.

[YELLING]

-So you are saying the Skipper
is all wackadoo backwards

and thinks his precious stink
pile guys are the enemies.

-Yes, but not you.

-It would appear that Skipper
thinks you are a close friend.

-But, uh, wait?

Let me unpack that
in my brain a little.

Hm, I think that would
not mean he's not

thinking I am a friend
in the real life.

-Um, roughly.

[GASPS]

-Whatever.

I'm not crying.

I said I'm not so stop
asking me about it.

Would you let go, man?

It's so ridiculous.

I don't care.

Excuse me, I almost
have to sneezes.

I do not care.

I am-- [SOBBING]

[SLURPING SOUND]

-Oh, nothing like the satisfying
taste of cold justice.

Could use some more
herring, though.

Not to be a whiner.

-Oh, oh, oh, I know
just the place.

It's a bit far.

The fish is the fishest.

Be right back.

Budsy wudsy.

-Finally.

I thought he would
never be leaving.

-Ring-Tail!

Bro!

What are you doing here?

-Uh, I am not distracting
you from secret penguin

manoeuvrings.

That is for certain.

[LAUGHING]

-No.

I love you, man.

-Haha, say what now?

-I love you.

Come on.

Your mangled language.

Your party attitude.

Your dance-like gyrations.

I dig it all.

-You like me?

-I love you, man.

Why kind of sad, mixed up world
would this be if I didn't?

-I change my mind.

Penguins.

[YELLING]

-Once you dark souls
are shipped off,

I can fill this place
with some real friends.

-Real friends, Skipper?

-Yeah, like the rats and Savio
and that awesome Officer Eggs

dude.

-But Skipper, they are enemies.

-Nice try, actual enemy.

It's always the quiet ones.

[SHOUTING] I don't
want to hear it.

-Hey Skipper, check
it-- dance confetti.

Am I thinking what
you're thinking?

Cuz I'm thinking we throw down a
majorly two-bunny congada line,

huh?

-Oh yeah.

Congada approved.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-Oh Skipsie, they were
out of the herring,

so I got anchovie--
[GASPS] What?

-Oh yeah.

Congada.

-What is the meaning of this?

-Oh yeah, there have been
upgradings of the B double-F's

around here, so,
uh, shut up, OK?

[YELLING]

-Whoa, fellas.

Cease fire.

Skipper is my palsy-palsy.

-Shut up, OK?

-Wait.

Hey, maybe we can do the saw him
in half thing and be sharing.

-Taking that.

-BFF handshake.

-Huh?

[YELLING]

[GROWLING]

[YELLING]

-Kowalski, this is our chance.

Skipper, are you in there?

-Private, man, what-- was I
congada-ing with Ring-Tail?

-He's cured, baby.

-Hans.

-Hah!

Oh.

Uh, palsy-walsy?

Hans will return and I
will vanquish and conquer

and-- can I keep
our BFF photo snaps?

-Nope.

[YELLING]

-That never gets old.

-It's good to have
you back, Skipper.

-What is so good?

Now who will be my friend?

I will be-- don't even
right now, OK, Mort.

-Buck up, Ring-Tail.

This could be a chance for
us to start another chapter

in our sometimes
rocky relationship.

Maybe learn to see each
other's point of view

and work together.

-Why is he being stare-y at me?

-The feet are
[SHOUTING] enemies!

-Not the friend.

[YELLING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-Now as I'm sure you
know, the annual Zoo

Snooze begins in just one hour.

[CHEERING]

-Hello.

I, of course,
completely understanding

what you are talking about,
but Mort has a newbie question.

Mort?

-Um, yes.

If a cow sneezes, does
milk come out her nose?

-No, Mort.

That was not your
stupid question.

Your stupid question was, what
exactly is this Zoo Snoozing?

-No, I'm pretty sure my stupid
question was about the cow.

-Shh.

-This time each
year, children spend

the entire night
camped out with us.

-Yeah.

And it's great.

They sing songs,
they play games.

-It's an all-night
buffet of contraband.

-It was over Snooze
that I tasted

my first peanut butter winky.

-Oh, now I am loving the sounds
of this annual Zoo Snoozing.

[CHEERING]

-All right, all right.

Now, commence kid countdown.

Everybody get in your places.

And remember, you can't
lose when it's Zoo Snooze.

Do you like that?

I made it up myself just
now, totally off the cuff.

Let's have some mugs made,
maybe some keychains.

-Welcome to the
annual Zoo Snooze.

Remember, these are live animal.

Let's keep it that way.

Hello?

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

-Kids?

-Talk to me, Kowalski.

Where are all the
rambunctious ragamuffins?

-I can't explain it, Skipper.

Sales were brisk.

A total sell-out.

We should be up to our
beaks in adorable moppets.

-Sweet Nimidtz dinghy.

It's-- it's them.

-Let's get this
Zoo Snooze started.

-Zoo Snooze.

You lose.

-Whoa, whoa, whoa.

I'm not letting you trust
fund delinquents in here.

You have to.

We paid.

-That's a lot of tickets.

-That's all the tickets.

-We wanted the whole zoo all
to ourselves, all night long.

-Who says money
can't buy happiness?

-This is a nightmare.

Those boys are monsters.

Absolute monsters.

-The Vesuvii's crimes against
zoomanity are well documented.

They shaved Marlene's
tail, greased the gorilla's

tyre swing, and
painted Pinky green.

-My name made no sense at all.

-Everyone, sacrifice
yourselves to save me.

-Aye, King Julien.

-You blokes got it all wrong.

We're not trapped in
here with those twins.

They're trapped in here
with us and our mercy,

if you get my drift.

-Wet willies.

-Wallies.

-Wedgies.

-Atomic wedgies.

[CHEERING]

-Whoa, whoa, whoa, h*, h*, h*.

Now hold on, everybody.

Let's just think this through.

The Vesuvius twins are
just little children, which

means we got to wait till Alice
falls asleep, then [SHOUTING]

pow, we swarm en masse.

No holds barred.

Revenge.

Who's with me?

Who's with me?

[CHEERING]

-No feeding the animals.

No touching the animals.

No licking the animals.

If you get eaten by an
animal, see the fine print

on the back of your ticket.

-Revenge.

Now say it with me.

Reee-veeenge.

-[TOGETHER] Reee-veeenge.

-No taunting the animals.

No mocking the animals.

-Private?

You didn't join in with
the mindless mob mentality.

-No, Skipper, I didn't.

And that's because--

-Oh, Private.

You're gonna louse this whole
thing up with some drippy

sentimental
claptrap, aren't you?

-No.

-Good.

-Well, maybe slightly drippy.

[GRUNTING]

-Yes, the Vesuviuses are rude,
churlish, and nasty lads,

but they're still children.

Maybe if someone is kind
and nurturing to them now,

they will come to
see the good in them.

And then some day
that seed will sprout,

and those boys will grow
into mighty oaks of virtue.

And it can all
begin here, Skipper,

with a simple act of kindness.

-Yeah, right.

-Whoa!

-Nice try, Private.

But nobody is going to buy that
lunacorny mush, right, Skipper?

[SNIFFLING]

-No making [YAWNING] the things.

Do things.

[SNORING]

[SNIFFING]

-Men, new mission objective.

We protect the Vesuviuses
Kowalski, get your freeze ray.

-Sweet, I'm going to
bag me some-- big game?

-Um, shouldn't they
be in their cages?

-No prisoners!

[YELLING]

-Oh, I got one.

-No.

You don't.

-Where'd the little
gutter snipes go?

-You.

You did this.

[SHOUTING]

-You had a roasting of the
marshmallows without me?

-Out of the way.

Hey.

You guys swiped
the Vesuvius twins.

-Thus denied us our rightful
reprisals and whatnot.

-Twins?

Golly, that was tonight?

-Don't play dumb.

It was so you.

-Yeah.

Smoke bombs are your
signature thing.

-Smoke bombs?

Eh, oh, I don't think so.

Rico, hork up a variety
of standard expl*sives.

Let's see.

We have time bombs--
whoo-- stink bombs,

and, oo, Hollywood
big budget bombs.

-Commodore Danger in "From
Sweden with Furniture."

What were they thinking?

[expl*si*n]

-All right.

They can't have gone far.

Spread out.

Find them.

-All clear.

Get those frozen pops below.

[WHIMPERING]

-Classic square peg,
round hole scenario.

I suggest we find another
place to store the twins.

-Sorry about this, but trust me.

It's better than mob justice.

-Come on.

I'm getting edgy
to give a wedgie.

[WHIMPERING]

-So, how long will
your freeze ray last?

-Skipper, when you're talking
bleeding edge technology like

this, it's impossible to even--

[SCREAMING]

-Now.

The freeze ray'll last till now.

-Yo, I heard them coming
from over this way.

-Secure the screamers.

[SCREAMING]

-Rico, signature move.

[YELLING]

-Oh man, Leonard was right.

They do use smokebombs.

-No kidding.

-C'mon, they gotta
be here somewhere.

-All clear.

OK, boys, we need to
lay low until sunrise.

And the best way to
lay low is up high.

-Did you think anything?

-No.

And that really burns my trunk.

-Well, they can't just
disappear into thin air.

-They bought it.

In bulk.

Didn't even comparison shop.

Suckers.

-Now what, Skipper?

-Now we just wait till
the break of dawn.

-Skipper, I've been
crunching the numbers--

-Oh, good, because otherwise
those numbers might've stayed

uncrunched, and we wouldn't
want our numbers uncrunched,

would we, boys?

it's a darn good thing you're
here, Kowalski, to keep

those numbers good and crunched.

-You, uh through?

-Hm, yeah.

-Anyway, I--

-Nope, I'm not.

It's not the numbers I'm
worried about getting crunched.

It's us.

OK, now I'm through.

-Anyway, I've-- [CLEARS THROAT]
I've done the maths,

and between the four of
us and the two twins,

this branch is at
maximum capacity.

[INSECT BUZZING]

[YELLING]

-Nobody's coming.

We may be in the clear.

-Hey guys, I just heard
four penguins and two brats

fall out of a tree.

-Well, we're not cleared.

[SHOUTING] Pogo!

Well, not my top choice,
but sometimes you just

have to hide out in
a filthy, stinky,

disease-ridden cesspool.

Comes with the jog.

-Filthy?

Stinky?

Cesspool?

-Yeah.

-True words, but that tone of
voice, it sounds so judgmental.

-Look, vermin monarch, we don't
need your hot head in the way

right now.

-Oh, gee, too bad.

Because look what
you just found.

[YELLING]

[WHIMPERING]

-Um, this is still
better than what

the other animals
would due to you.

Really.

JOEY: I found them.

-Grab a kid and run.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-Yo birds.

Just give us the Vesuviuses
and nobody gets hurt.

-Nobody but the naughty boys.

Capish?

-Well, all I can say is,
I guess, is, uh-- Rico.

Smoke b*mb.

[GRUNTING]

-Wait a minute.

Hold on a second.

[GRUNTING]

-It seems we've exhausted
Rico's smoke b*mb supply.

-See, it's their thing?

-Drat.

Well how about
Twilight's last gleaming?

[GRUNTING]

-Bring'em down at Ring-Tail.

-Roger that.

[GROANING]

-Time to vamoose.

-Still, you know, what we
did was not as bad as what

the unleashed animal
mob would've done.

Debatably.

[YAWNING]

-Morning all ready?

That wasn't so bad after all.

Still, beat it, you two.

-What'd we ever do
to deserve all that?

-I have zero idea.

-Hey.

What's this?

Whoa.

I guess sometimes we have
been sort mean to the animals.

I never looked at it this way.

You know what?

Maybe it's time to grow up.

-Yeah.

Time to behave in
a way that would

make mother and father proud.

-I gotta hand it
to you, Private.

Looks like the twins
are indeed growing

into mighty oaks of virtue.

-From now on, we'll
only be mean to people.

-People who have less
money than we do.

-Or maybe just poison oaks.

-Human problem.

Not oru jurisdiction.

[MUSIC PLAYING]