03x11 & 03x12 - Antics on Ice/Showdown on Fairway 18

[bunniefuu]

NARRATOR: And now, DreamWorks'
"The Penguins of Madagascar."

And now, DreamWorks' "The
Penguins of Madagascar."

[BELL RINGS]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-Cute and cuddly, boys.

-Oh, rested and ready.

Time to greet the night--
Oh, thank goodness.

That was a close one.

Oh, gah, stinky, very stinky.

Who would do such a-- Penguins.

-Private, pillow report?

-Fully fluffed and
ready, Skipper.

-Kowalski, Rico, snack status?

-Popped fresh and with curious
hints of the briny sea.

-Nothing will stand
in our way tonight.

Except that foul stench,
oh, what is that?

-I presume this is yours.

-Affirmative.

That's our anti mammal
defence m*ssile.

-Could have sworn
I set it to Lemur.

-Nice.

-Yum.

-Sorry about that, Leonard.

You fancy sticking around
for tonight's mission?

-Fancy hearing me scream, No!

-Did I mention it will take
a minimum of eight hours

for the odour to
dissipate from your home?

-Did I mention that you
fill me with blind rage?

-Cage that rage, mister.

You're just in time
for-- movie night.

-And just what, exactly,
are we watching?

-Shirtless Ninja Action Theatre.

We begin our all
night movie marathon

with Kick Fist, the
man with foot hands.

-What, you guys don't get
enough violence during the day?

Need to watch it at night too?

How could he do that?

How could you break a
wall with your face?

-Shh.

-Just doesn't seem plausible.

That's all I was trying to say.

-TV on, you off.

NINJA [ON TELEVISION]:
You have shamed

my family, friends,
and local grocer.

Now prepare for
the chiro-cr*cker.

[SNAPPING]

[GROANS]

-I didn't know a spine
could bend like that.

Fascinating.

NINJA [ON TELEVISION]: And that
concludes our all night action

movie marathon.

-No, action, action,
I need more action.

-Stay tuned for traffic,
weather, and playful banter

amongst people who can't
really stand each other

on good morning, five Boroughs.

-Morning?

Whoa.

Better vamoose.

[SNORING]

[NINJA FIGHTING NOISES]

NINJA [ON TELEVISION]:
Shirtless Ninja Action Theatre.

[NINJA YELL]

[CRASH]

[NINJA NOISE]

[BOOM]

-Phil, really.

You've been behind
there forever, come on.

There are two of us in this
habitat and only one tree.

Try being a little
more considerate.

If you're here to use
the tree, get in line.

I should've let him go first.

-Oy, fuzzy, get
out of my habitat.

Can't you hear?

I said--

[NINJA NOISES]

-I'm getting kind of sick now.

-Ow, ow, ow.

[SNORING]

-Oh, It's hard being cute and
cuddly on so little sleep.

-I want my Binky!

I mean, something science-y.

-Guys, guys, emergency.

-Stand down. man.

Though I do love your hustle.

-Look you guys can play your
little exploding games later,

Leonard's lost it.

-The hippie's flipped.

-Told ya.

-He's got nun-chucks.

Sort of.

-I break faces, yay.

-I am so firing my body guard.

-I am not your body guard.

-Not with that attitude.

-Leonard's nocturnal.

What's he doing
up in the daytime?

-Yes, Kowalski, explain
the inexplicable.

-Leonard's
uncharacteristic increase

in aggression during
his slumber cycle

can only mean one
thing, sleep fighting.

-Dun, dun, dun.

-Really?

That's possible?

-Yes, it's like sleepwalking
but more violent.

-Dun, dun, dun.

-So he thinks he's a ninja?

-Of the shirtless variety.

-Dun, dun, dun.

-Hey, Rico, real quick.

That's not so much
dramatic as it

is, what's the word, annoying.

-Wah, wah, wah, wah.

-What?

Don't start nothing,
there won't be nothing.

[SPLASH]

-Ugh, man, my mouth was open.

-Hey, who invited
the butterball?

[LAUGHTER]

-I break the face.

I break the face.

-What's all the racket?

Whoa, whoa, wait.

Seriously?

Aw, you lost little man?

It is so on.

-You cannot be touching
me because as a king,

I have the diplomatic immunity.

See, Mort?

He can't touch--

-Where's the koala?

-Boss?

[LAUGHTER]

-Yes, it is funny because
he is seriously injured.

-Excellente, Kowalski.

Boys, let's get
this package home.

[LAUGHTER]

[SCREAM]

-What is this?

What's happening?

Don't touch my spleen.

-Relax, no one's going
to touch your spleen.

Sorry, boys.

Maybe next time.

-Aw.

-Apologies, Leonard, but we
think you've got a problem.

-You've been flying
off the handle

with temporary fits
of violent lunacy.

-Coo-coo.

-Um, that sounds more
like you than me.

-It does, but we're fully
awake for our violent lunacy.

-You, on the other
hand, are throwing

punches while catching Zs.

We can't have that.

-But good news, I've
got a plan to k*ll you

that's both untested
and dangerous.

-Lay it on him, Kowalski.

-Rehabilitation via Lunacorn.

-Sweet.

UNICORN [ON TELEVISION]:
Gosh, Princess Self Respectra,

you'll be my best friend
for ever and ever and ever.

-Yay.

-Eight hours of pacifist mush.

-Star kisses, moon hugs,
use your happy words.

-The Lunacorn cure worked.

-That mean we can turn it off?

Like right now?

-Those guy are crazy.

I wouldn't hurt a fly.

-Buzz.

Buzz.

-Do I know you?

-Oh yeah, and I got the
bruises to prove it.

-Look, I kind of don't
remember doing that,

but I'm sure if somehow I did,
I'd be really, really sorry

so if it's all right with
you, I'll just be going.

-Oh, oh, that's cool.

Let me just punch your ticket.

-Ticket?

-For the pain train.

-It appears the rats
are out for koala blood.

Wimpy, non fight-y
nighttime koala blood.

-That royal rodent
won't be satisfied

until he settled the score.

Boys, time to initiate
operation understudy.

-Where'd he go?

-He's gotta be here somewhere.

-Fluffy bears can't just
disappear into thin air, right?

-Hey, rat, let's do this.

I mean, I'm Leonard.

I'm a weak and whiny weenie.

Please don't hurt me,
mister strong mouse man.

-Uh, boss, I don't
actually think that's--

-Go time.

Oh, yeah.

Who the man?

-Oh, please no more.

I surrender like the
peacenik hippie I am.

Don't you forget it, punk.

Boys, we're out of here.

-Wow.

He's as dumb as he looks.

I mean, I wouldn't
have thought it--

-Shh.

-I looked down and
there's the proof.

-Attack!

-Wait, listen, before
you pound in the face,

I have just one thing to say--

[SNORING]

-Oh, come on.

There's no fun in beating
up a sleeping guy.

I mean, not that I
won't, or anything.

-Skipper, look.

UNICORN [ON TELEVISION]:
Gosh, Princess Self Respectra,

you'll be my best friend
forever and ever and ever.

-It's better to
befriend than offend.

-What are you doing?

-Hugs are happiness circles
we make with our arms.

[YELL]

Peekaboo.

-Kowalski, analysis?

-I think Leonard's
Lunacorn conditioning

may have worked a
little too well.

-Me and you, we're going to
be besties for ever and ever.

-Retreat!

-So, I guess we won, then.

-Um, technically Leonard's
no longer a threat,

so mission accomplished.

Right, Skipper?

-What do you think?

ANNOUNCER [ON TELEVISION]:
Sunday, Sunday, Sunday,

one night only at the
Metro w*r Memorial arena.

The mechanised
mayhem of King Crush.

-King Crush.

Monarch of the monster trucks.

Ten feet tall, 572 cubic inch
engine, 1,500 horsepower,

weighing in at a
lean 10,000 pounds.

-Oh, baby.

-Oh, I am dying to
see the King mangle

some sub compact fuel
efficient dweeb mobile.

How about you, Private?

Excited, right?

-Wha-- Oh, yes.

Over the moon.

-I can't wait.

To the Metro w*r Memorial Arena.

Last one top side
is a rotten egg?

-Hello, Mister
Skipper, silly penguin.

-Hi guys.

Thanks for watching
the kids today.

-Today?

As in, today, today?

-Well, yes.

I made arrangements with
Private just yesterday.

-Oh, fiddlesticks.

I forgot.

Well, you guys just go to the
festival of dirt and fumes

without me, and I'll
stay here and what

these adorable ducklings.

-That's a noble sacrifice,
soldier, but you know,

can you handle all those
ducklings by yourself?

-Honestly.

I'd be more comfortable
if it was just Private.

[BOOM]

-Ah!

-Now, kids, what should we do?

Macaroni art?

Or-- what?

NINJA [ON TELEVISION]:
Shirtless Ninja Action Theatre.

-Yay, ninjas.

NINJA [ON TELEVISION]:
Tonight's feature, Zombie Ninja

Master II, the Nightmare Maker.

-No, that show is way too
violent and non educational

for your impressionable
little minds.

But instead, I've got something
I know you'll really love.

A big picture book of bunnies.

See how cute they
are, hopping about

on their furry little feet?

-Lame.

-Excuse me, Mister
Private penguin,

we are not hatchlings anymore.

We want to do something.

-Jump off a skyscraper
and learn to fly.

-Well, that's not very safe.

-Ride the Rhodesian Slasher.

-No, no that won't--

-Sucker punch each other
and see who cries first.

-That's a horrible idea, Samuel.

-I'm Bradley, he's Samuel.

-What if we just went swimming?

-When did you last eat?

-Don't swim too fast, or
too close together, or too

far apart, and no
splashing, Samuel.

-I'm Ramona.

-Oh!

Sorry.

But you do have to admit,
you look an awful lot alike.

I mean, who can tell you apart?

-JJ!

Sup, Samuel.

Looking good, Ramona.

Awesome as always, Bradley.

What happenings are
you up to today?

-Not sucker punching,
that's for sure.

-Mister Private penguin does
not believe in having the fun.

-Yeah, he won't
even let me kick box

my brother in the solar plexus.

-Ugh, uncool.

Hey, you know what
you guys should do?

Have a boss pool party.

[CHEERING]

-No, no, no.

I'm watching these
kids for Mama Duck.

-Great.

You can watch them
have a boss pool party.

Maurice, whip up a guest list.

-The arena's defences
are slip shod at best.

Infiltration will be a cinch.

-Then it's the
madness of King Crush.

Heads up, novelty
hat at 6 o'clock.

-Sorry, no outside beverages.

-Aw, man.

This hat is a total babe magnet.

-I don't make the rules, sir.

I just beat up the people
who don't follow them.

-Colour me frustrated.

-Wow, corn dog, yum.

Want some?

[MUSIC PLAYS]

-You might get
dizzy and fall off.

-The trick is keeping
the outside crispy

and the inside gooey.

-Ducklings shouldn't
be near hot grills.

-What is it that I am smelling?

-Could it be barbecues?

-We should invite ourselves.

They say no, we
sting their face.

-More punch?

-Sucker.

-Those are empty
calories, Bradley.

-I'm Samuel.

-What?

I thought sucker punching
was Bradley's thing.

-Who do you think taught him?

-The point is a growing
duckling shouldn't-- Wait.

Where's Eggy?

-Somebody better call
a doctor, because I'm

burning up with dance fever.

Woo.

[DiSTANT PARTY NOISES]

-How are we supposed to spread
pestilence with all this noise?

-Hey, how long have
you been under there?

-Listen up, everyone,
this party is over.

[GRUMBLES]

-Sorry, you don't have to go
home, but you can't stay here.

-Good, then we get foods.

[SCREAMING]

-The ducklings, where
are the ducklings?

-Mm.

-The inside is gooey.

-No!

-Hey, come back with foods.

-Oh, dear.

-Hey, can you keep
it down up here?

We're trying to-- whoa.

That's a lot of chow.

SECURITY SYSTEM
[VOICEOVER]: Lock down.

Lock down.

-Hey, let us in, bird.

Let us in.

-Open up, or I sting your face.

-If I open up, then
you will sting my face.

-Who told?

-Uh, Mister Private
penguin, sir?

How long with those
doors be holding?

-Oh, not to worry.

We should be safe in
here for several--

[BANGING]

-Minutes.

-You open up, now.

-Open up, we want the food.

Give us the food.

-Deploy toilet plunger.

Coat hangers, go.

-Deja pee ew.

-Another corn dog?

[UNINTELLIGIBLE MUTTERING]

-OK, OK, OK, don't panic, that's
the most important thing, OK?

Everything is OK.

You got that, Ramona?

-I'm Samuel.

-Whatever.

-Who's panicking?

-Open up, oh come on,
we won't do nothing bad.

We will, I'm just getting
all up in his head.

Cute.

Send out another one.

How about some Gouda?

-Not to worry, still OK.

-I sting your head.

Sting, sting,
sting, sting sting.

-Leave now, or things
will get inconvenient.

-Yes, things will get
inconvenient for your face.

-Wait, stop.

What are you--

-And now, for my next
act, we sting your face.

-Kids, I'm going
to level with you.

Things may not, at this
moment, be entirely OK.

-I spy a hatch.

-Bingo.

-And release.

This is going to be--

-At least we didn't
land in the garbage.

-No corn dog.

-It's opening.

-No it's not.

-Help.

-That tape won't
hold forever, bird.

-He's right.

I give up.

No matter what I
do, sooner or later

those rats and hornets
will get in here.

So why fight it?

-What are we doing?

-Giving up.

Now, hide.

SECURITY SYSTEM [VOICEOVER]:
Lock down released.

-Hey, what are you doing here?

-We are taking over lair to
enjoy delicious food stuffs.

-Wait a minute, that's
what we're doing.

-Oh, yeah?

Here is witty retort.

I sting your face.

-Yeah?

I break yours.

[FIGHTING NOISES]

-Wow, that looks painful.

-This is better than
Shirtless Ninjas.

-If I'm not watching
total vehicular mayhem

in the next five minutes,
my head will explode.

Rico, door knocker, please.

Knock, knock, King Crush.

-Yeah, just let me
in through the--

[BOOM]

-Skipper?

-Run.

-I sting you.

-Yay, I won.

-Oh no you didn't, now shoo.

-Can i at least snag a banana?

OK, OK.

-Thank you, Private for taking
such good care of my babies.

-Yes, thank you Mister Private.

-You're very welcome
Ramo- Brad- Uel- Y?

-Close enough.

-Bye.

-Adios.

-Thanks.

-See you later.

-So, how was King Crush?

-Well, oh, it was
none of your business.

brought you a souvenir.

-Should have stayed
here with you.

[MUSIC PLAYS]