01x14 - Little Zoo Coupe

[bunniefuu]

ANNOUNCER: And now, DreamWorks'
"The Penguins of Madagascar."

[BELL RINGING]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

-Cute and cuddly, boys.

MALE VOICE [ON PHONE]: OK,
that's one order of General Tso

shrimp, one fried
rice, one veggie chow

mein, and two kung pao scallops.

COMPUTER VOICE: You are correct.

-OK, that's $35.84.

We'll be there in 20 minutes.

-I got $1.17.

-Ta-da.

-And Rico got of
the rest, which is

the both impressive and gross.

-Pack it up, boys.

We're on.

-Here you go, sir.

COMPUTER VOICE:
Here's the change.

-It's all change.

COMPUTER VOICE: You are correct.

-My friends, dinner is served.

-Fret not, Maurice.

Tonight, chow mein
is my main chow.

Ugh.

Take another note, Maurice.

Never am I eating
chow mein again.

[BELCH] Excuse me.

-Oh, General Tso and his
shrimp beat me tonight.

Oh, well played, General.

-Skipper, I hope you saved
room for a fortune cookie.

-Private, there's always
room for a fortune cookie.

-I say, would you like Phil
and I to read your fortune?

-Knock yourselves out.

-"Your decisive skills
make you a natural leader."

-Well, thanks, but what
does the cookie say?

-That was it.

-Oh.

Well, the cookie's
quite perceptive.

-Kowalski?

You are careful and considerate.

-After careful consideration
I concur with the cookie.

-Ooh, read mine.

Read mine.

-"Your heart is a
fountain of joy."

-It's true.

It is.

-How about yours, Rico?

-Uh, blech.

-Uh.

-Egad, man.

Are you certain you're
reading that right?

-What's it say?

-Uh, "Your smiles are
like rays of sunshine--

warm and inviting."

My, look at the time.

We must dash.

-Hold up, chimps.

I smell monkey business.

-You do?

-Yeah, I do.

Rico, smile.

That is not a warm
and inviting smile.

-More like creepy
and unsettling.

-Right.

So chimps, what's that
fortune really say?

-Oh, fine.

It says, "You will
soon meet a foul end."

[GIBBERISH]

-Rico!

Get a hold of yourself, man.

Fortunes don't mean anything.

-What a minute,
Skipper-- yours did.

-That's called the exception
that proves the rule.

-And mind did, too.

-The other exception.

-And Kowalski's.

-OK, they were
exceptional cookies.

But that doesn't prove anything.

-Fortunes are mere
superstitions.

-Yes, these stitions are super.

That is why you
must listen to them.

This is a curse.

Your friend has been
given a misfortune cookie.

-A what?

-A misfortune cookie.

It is like a regular
fortune cookie,

except it is filled with hate
and bile and sugar and evil.

-That doesn't sound good--
except for the sugar part.

-You need the sugar or the bile
will overwhelm the flavour.

Anyway, it is only a matter
of time before Chico--

-Rico.

- --Rico meets his foul end.

[MUMBLING]

-Come on, Rico, you're not
going to believe this retail nut

job over your level-headed
friends, are you?

-Uh-uh.

-Good man.

-Got any nines?

-No, go fishy.

-Maurice, I worry
about those penguins.

What will make them
believe in curses?

-Short of that penguin
meeting a foul end, nothing.

-A-ha, but what if
we made Freako--

-Rico.

- --Rico meet a foul end?

Then the penguins would believe.

-Maybe, but then it
wouldn't be a curse.

-Wouldn't it, Maurice?

Are you sure?

-Uh, yeah, I'm pretty sure.

-And I'm pretty not.

No way, no.

Uh, I'm pretty--
very, very pretty.

So pretty.

Mort, tell me that I'm pretty.

-You are pretty.

-Thank you.

See, Maurice, Mort agrees
with me-- case closed.

-All right, what did
you have in mind?

[CRASH]

-Huh?

[CRASH]

[SCREAMS]

-Rico, you can't hide
in there forever.

-Uh-huh.

-True, an unusual
series of events

seems to be conspiring
against you,

but does that mean
you're cursed?

-Yep.

-Rico, say you are cursed.

Do you really think a fortress
of pillows will protect you?

-Aargh.

-Look, curses aren't real.

There's another explanation out
there, and I intend to find it.

-This cart is incapable
of self locomotion.

-So the cart was pushed.

-Precisely.

-I was just standing there
eating my hay when something

sharp like a needle just
poked me right on the butt.

-Hmm.

Compelling.

-Skipper, look-- lemur fur.

-Lemur fur with a
lot of hair products.

This can only mean one thing.

Don't play dumb
with me, ring tail.

-Who says I am playing?

-We know you're behind
these so-called mishaps.

-This is an outrageousness for
you to accuse me like a snake.

-Yo, we got a snake bite Rico.

This'll convince those penguins.

Yeah, yeah, forget it.

-OK, you caught me
with a red hand.

I did it all.

-And you are going
to undid it all.

-And so it was me who made
all those scary things

happen on you.

-See, Rico, there was
no curse after all.

-Uh-uh.

-Eh, I don't think
he believes me.

-Uh-uh.

-Options, I need options.

-I have an in with
this the sky spirits.

I can ask them to
break the curse.

-Oh, come on.

Your mumbo jumbo is no more
real than a fortune cookie.

-Yes, but if Rico is willing to
believe in one superstition--

-Perhaps he'll
believe in another.

-No way, ring tail's
done enough damage.

Kowalski, give me
some more options.

-OK, um, give me a minute.

An, here we go.

We can replace Rico's
brain with a wombat's.

-How would that help?

-I don't know.

I've got to do
something with this.

-OK, I guess we do it your way.

-Yaa.

I'll get my curse
breaking crown.

-Huh?

[GIBBERISH]

-Rico, I was wrong--
oh, so very, very wrong.

The curse is real.

It's up to the sky spirits now.

Go to the ring tail.

Go.

-Come closer.

Closer.

A little more closer.

Wait.

OK, that's too close.

Take one step back.

Another one, little half step.

Right there.

Tell me, flightless bird Pico--

[IN UNISON] Rico.

-Rico, why are you here?

-You know why he's here.

-Excuse me.

Are you wearing the big hat?

No.

Trust me, it's
part of the ritual.

Go on.

[GIBBERISH]

-OK, I didn't catch any of that.

So let's skip the Qs and the As
and move right into the cruse

removal.

Three terrible trails await you.

The first the journey
of 1,000 tears.

You will walk this
sacred path of tikis,

peeling an onion while
you are repeatedly

smacked by the fishes.

-Ow.

Ow.

Ow.

Eh?

-Next is the journey
of a thousand burdens.

You will carry the heavy thing
and whistle while you do it.

[WHISTLING]

-Finally, is the
trampling by 1,000 rhinos.

Uh, slight glitch, though.

We only have one rhino so
you'll have to do 1,000 times.

Flightless bird, you have
completed the three trials.

By the way, sorry about the
extra rhino tramplings--

I lost count.

And now, by the power invested
in me by the sky spirits,

I pronounce you curse free.

-Yaa.

-Woo-hoo!

[GIBBERISH]

-Julian did it!

Rico's cured.

-Or at least he thinks he is.

-Works for me.

-Look out!

-Oh, dude, sorry.

My bad.

Oh, this is uncomfortable.

-Blech!

-That men is why we don't fly.

-Skipper, do you realise
what just happened?

Ducks are waterfowl, and so
a duck's bum is a foul end.

-Uh.

-Rico met a foul end.

The curse was real.

-Told you.

-Yaa.

-How you doin'?

Hey, I got a big box from
the Hoboken Zoo there.

-Live cargo?

-Hey I just drive
the truck, lady.

-Dump it around back.

I'll get to it when I get to it.

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]

-Aargh.

[HORN HONKING]

-Kowalski, tell me
this is our shipment

of sweet Alaskan salmon.

-Negative, Skipper.

Some sort of containment
unit, I'd say simian.

-Fish and chips, man.

Rico, chimp habitat-- stat.

-What the dickens?

-You didn't see anything.

Hmm.

-Oh, fresh air.

[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]

-I say, who the dickens are you?

-Lulu.

What?

Didn't they tell
you I was coming?

-No, actually.

-I'm sorry to put you out,
boys, but I'll only be here

for a few days-- just
until they fix up

my habitat back at
the Hoboken Zoo.

Is your friend all right?

-He's a chimp of few words.

Phil, don't be rude.

Phil?

Oh, dear.

Pardon us.

Gorgeous?

Why, Phil, you dog.

Help you win her heart?

Well, I haven't the foggiest.

Bus perhaps--

-Wait, you came
to me for advice?

No one ever comes
to me for advice.

This is like so exciting.

I don't even--
all right, OK, OK.

So anyway, um-- a
girl chimp, huh?

-Yes.

Phil is positively
head over tail for her.

-OK, top of my head
here-- candles,

moonlight, acoustic guitar--
no, no-- Spanish guitar,

muy romantico.

Then after your touching
tender serenade,

you present her with a bouquet
of oysters on half shells

arranged to spell out
her name-- Marlene.

-Yes, but her name is Lulu.

--Yeah, I know.
Whatever.

Anyway, do that
and you can't miss.

-No offence, but
I'm not sure this

is the way to capture
a chimp's heart.

-You heard the mission--
help the silent simian

capture the lady chimp's heart.

-Kowalski, I want an
action plan on my desk by--

-Yeah, hey, hey.

They came here
for my advice, OK?

Therefore, my mission.

-Ah, but use of the word
capture automatically

makes this a penguin operation.

-Uh-huh.

-Sorry, Marlene.

Those are the rules.

-Aargh.

-Men, I need to love options.

-Skipper, our intel
shows there is

one sure way to
a female's heart.

You start with a
four-inch incision--

-I hear that the way to
win over a girl's heart

is to sit on her egg through
the long, cold winter.

-All right.

Private, you and Bravo Team
will secure Lulu's egg.

-I'm afraid Lulu
is not a penguin.

-Exactly.

Like I was saying--
candles, moonlight--

-Marlene, please.

Don't bring all your
sappy emotion into this.

This is love.

What we need is an operative
on the inside-- someone who

can tell us what
makes that chimp tick.

-No.

No, no, no.

I'm really not
comfortable-- oh, fine.

[CLEARING THROAT]

-Right.

-Fine.

Excuse me, Lulu.

I-- I have-- well,
I have this friend

who is interested
in courting you.

-Oh, really?

And just what does
this friend look like?

-Decent enough, I suppose.

A wee bit like me.

-Oh, you're a shy one.

The answer is yes-- of
course I'll go out with you.

-Oh, that's fanta-- wait, what?

Oh.

Eh.

Sorry, old bean.

I'm afraid I've made
a right mess of it.

-Not to worry, chimp.

We've got you covered.

Private, options.

-Hello, I'm the options guy.

-Not when it comes to
affairs of the heart.

That's where young
Private here's shines.

-True, I do struggle
to comprehend emotions

and feelings and women.

-Yeah, duh.

-You're on, Private.

-Uh, uh, let's see.

Um--

-Come on, Private.

You know what to do--
moonlight, guitars, oysters.

-Mm, sorry, Marlene.

But maybe if Phil could
somehow show off his machismo.

-Machismo-- Espanol, I like it.

-Well, yes, I do rather
enjoy poetry, fine cuisine,

and-- well, the
ballet, of course.

-Oh, Mason, what a
sensitive soul you are.

-Reach for the skies, chimps.

-What?

-Egad, penguin desperadoes.

And they've got sticks.

-Aar.

That's right, mateys, and
aar and shiver me timbers.

-Kowalski, we're supposed to
be desperadoes, not pirates.

-Really?

-Oh.

-Well, the point is we
want all your bananas.

-And there's no one tough
enough here to stop us.

-Certainly not this [INAUDIBLE].

-Hold on, now.

-Mason may not be tough,
but me-- I'm from Hoboken.

-Aargh!

[ANGRY CHIMP NOISES]

[FIGHTING]

-There, there, love.

Those nasty penguins
won't bother you again,

you sweet, sensitive soul, you.

-No, I imagine not.

-I've got other
options, Skipper.

-Private, I've heard enough
of your options, thank you.

I'm going with your plan.

-Me?

-I was pointing at Kowalski.

-Operation Love from Above.

Mason will lead our target
to a designated location

where a heavy crate--

-Excuse me.

How many times do I have to
say it-- moonlight, candles--

-Where a heavy crate
of bananas will fall.

-I thought I'd be
homesick, but I've barely

thought about home
since I met you.

-Lovely.

Now excuse me one moment.

Don't move an inch.

Actually, move an
inch your right.

Uh, your other right.

Perfect.

-That's the signal.

-Go.

-It won't cut.

-Oh!

What are you doing?

Get off me.

[ANGRY CHIMP NOISES]

-Blast it all.

What the devil is the problem?

-The problem was I based my
calculations on cotton rope,

but we used nylon.

I've made the adjustments
so we're ready to go again.

-Aargh.

-Or not.

-Gentlemen, it's time to
break out the big g*ns.

Yes, I'm talking about
Love Potion Number 37.

-Thirty-seven?

-Thirty-seven?

[GIBBERISH]

-I know it's risky-- so is love.

Look what happened to
Manfredi and Johnson

when they fell hard for
those chinstrap sisters.

They lost their hearts, a
lung, and 15 feet of intestine.

-Thirty-seven?

-What's in there?

-Flamingo sweat and garlic.

-Ooh, baby.

[INAUDIBLE]

-Well, I hate to it,
lads, but perhaps

Phil and Lulu just
aren't meant to be.

-Wait, wait, wait.

You still haven't followed
a certain someone's advice.

-Gad, Marlene is right.

-So you have come to me
for the romantical advice.

-OK, this is not
what I had in mind.

-To impress this girly monkey
you must knock her feet off.

That is how I have gotten
my many girlfriends.

-What girlfriends?

-You don't know them.

They all live in Canada.

But trust me when I
tell you they are made

up-- uh, with lipsticks
and powders and such.

But you know, tastefully.

-Oh.

-OK, my secretest two words
I am now about to say to you.

Get ready.

Wait, those weren't
the two words.

And those weren't either.

Or those.

-Just tell us the two words.

-OK.

Roller disco.

[SNORING]

[DISCO MUSIC PLAYING]

-What?

Not that guy again.

Still, he's a
bloody good dancer.

-Ah, the victim approaches.

-Whoa!

What are you doing?

-Hate to say it,
but the ring tail

may have actually
pulled this off.

-No one can resist the
allure of the roller disco.

-Oh, Philly, I had no idea
you were such a romantic.

-May not be a total loss.

[CRASH]

-Admittedly, things
are looking a bit iffy.

-Now release the dogs.

[BARKING]

LULU: Oh, help!

Get them off me?

-Don't you mean doves?

-Uh, on second thought,
doves would have been better.

Good to know.

Good to know.

-Lulu, please come out.

-Absolutely not.

You're all loonies.

-Nail the thing shut.

We won't let her out until
she falls in love with Phil.

-No, no, no-- listen.

We put him in the crate with
her then, then nail it shut.

Then they will fall in
love-- or die trying.

-Give me 15 minutes.

I can crack open more
than enough oysters.

-Phil, don't be rash, man.

-What?

What's he doing?

-He's going to speak to her.

-Biscuits and gravy!

We didn't run a
scenario for that.

-What now?

Lulu, I'm sorry for all I've put
you through but I didn't know

how to tell you that I think
you are fantastic, beautiful,

and amazing and-- and-- oh,
I'm not getting that last part.

-And I wish we could spend the
waning hours we have left here

together in each
other's big, hairy arms.

His words, not mine.

-Well, Phil, why
didn't you just say

all that in the first place?

-So just talking-- that works?

-So the data would indicate.

-Huh, who knew?

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]