01x11 - Crown Fools

[bunniefuu]

NARRATOR: And now DreamWorks'
"The Penguins of Madagascar."

[THEME MUSIC]

-Cute and cuddly, boys.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-Kowalski, just what
are we looking at here?

-Isn't it obvious?

-Looks like a regular
old fish to me.

-That's because it is.

Too

-Fantastic.

Thanks for clearing
that up, Kowalski.

Meeting adjourned.

-No, wait!

It's a regular fish now but
when I zap it with my super ray,

it will be a super fish.

Then when we eat the
super fish, we'll

get stronger bones, denser
muscle mass, and best

of all, remarkably
shiny feathers.

-Aces, Kowalski.

And here I that you'd
finally cracked.

Keep an eye on him.

I think he's finally cracked.

-Boring.

Don't like.

Don't want.

Don't care.

Used to like, not anymore.

Pass.

Wait!

Was that a mango?

So sweet and tangy
and juicy and sweet.

Did I say "sweet" twice?

Doesn't matter.

A mango can be sweetie-sweet.

And now it's gone forever!

-I'll get it.

-Wait!

Mort, come back!

That mango went into
the gorilla pen.

-We must do something.

But I cannot be leaping into
action on an empty stomach.

-Mango, where are you?

Ooh.

Mango!

-H-hello.

-Yo, Bing.

-Yeah, Badda?

-We've got us a trespasser.

-No.

We got us a thief.

You know what we do with
thieves around here?

-Kisses and huggies?

-Nope.

Thieves get bounced.

-All systems are go.

Prepare for laser enrichment.

[MORT SCREAMING]

[LAUGHS]

-Pretty light tickles.

[ALL GASP]

-Good heavens.

Mort, are you-- I mean,
look at-- how do you feel?

-I'm muscley!

Hee hee hee hee!

I love it.

[LAUGHS]

-Wait!

I need to do--

[CRASH]

-Tests.

-Uh, Kowalski, is this
going to be a problem?

-It was then I realised that
I must focus on the most

importantest thing in
all of the life-- me.

Are you getting all this?

-Hmm?

Oh, yeah.

I got it.

I got it all.

-OK, then.

Chapter two.

-Hi.

-Mort?

Whoa!

What-- is that-- are you--

-Is Mort back?

Did he bring the sweetie-sweet
sweetness of mango?

-No.

Mort failed.

[SOBBING LOUDLY]

-Mort, how many times
am I telling you?

One-- no touching
the royal feet.

Two-- no failing the royal me.

-Sorry.

I get mango now.

-You didn't notice anything
different about Mort?

-Uh, well yes.

He's obviously doing something
different with his hair.

It's nice, actually.

-You want your mango?

-Yes, please.

-Well, tell you what, friend.

We're not giving it to yous.

-So whatcha gonna do?

-Beat us up?

[LAUGHING] He's going to
beat us up [INAUDIBLE].

-OK.

[SCARED GRUNTS]

-Ooh.

-Here, take a mango.

-Take some bananas, too, huh?

-Please, just don't
hurt us no more, OK?

-You got all these
from the gorillas?

-Uh-huh.

You like?

-Yes, Mort.

I like very much.

How did you do such a thing?

-They told me to beat
them up so I did.

-Don't be ridiculous, Mort.

You're far too puny to
beat up such big gorillas.

-Your majesty, take a
really good look at Mort.

-Now that you mentioned it,
I suppose he is a bit buff.

-A bit?

He's huge, man!

-It's true.

-And because of this
hugeness, you got things?

Perhaps I can be using
this to my advantage.

[BOXING BELL DINGS]

-Elephant!

Give to me your peanuts.

-Sorry.

I don't have any.

-Oh.

Check the trunk.

-OK.

-Why do you lot want my hay?

You blokes don't
even eat the stuff.

-No, but there's something
else I like to do with it.

Make macrames.

Nice, huh?

-Touch me hair again and
I'll snap you like a pencil.

-Oh, really.

Listen, if there is
to be any snapping,

it will be you who is the
broken pencil, my friend.

Mort?

[FIGHTING SOUNDS]

KANGAROO: Get him off me!

MORT: Good day to you!

-Kowalski, tell me you've got
that antidote figured out.

-Gah.

Got nothing.

No matter what I do, the
formula's molecular structure

fails to achieve
low-energy orbitals.

-Hmm.

Tart.

Have you tried that in sugar?

-Private, please.

This is an intricate problem
that requires that-- sugar!

Of course.

That's the answer.

The monosaccharide will
stabilise the entire solution.

-Good job, Private.

-Yes.

-Well, I thought it needed
them mono-stereo thing.

-Eureka!

This will do the trick, Skipper.

-Saddle up, men.

We've got a job to do.

-Using Mort's muscles to loot
all this loot was geniusness.

I really must
compliment my brain.

Brain, good job.

Thank you.

I thought it nice
to have an idea

you didn't pull
out of your booty.

Hey, do not speak
ill of the booty.

Oh, booty, booty, booty.

Shut up about the booty.

You shut up about
the shutting up.

I am not talking to you.

Fine, I am not talk to do you.

Stupid brain.

Hey.

Anyway, now I will dive
into my Mort-gotten loot.

Whee!

-Can Mort have banana?

-Mort, you silly billy.

Of course you can't
have a banana.

This is the royal loot.

-Whoa!

-But, but, but I want banana.

[SCREAMS]

-Give me banana!

-Maurice, do something.

-Like give him a banana?

-Don't be ridiculous.

-Mort, now, let's not
do anything hasty.

-You no bully Mort no more.

-Yes.

OK.

You may have those.

They were a little
green anyways.

-You might want to peel-- no?

OK.

You do whatever makes you happy.

-Mort cuddle feet!

-Sorry, sorry.

Had an itchiness.

Go back to the foot cuddling.

Pretend I'm not here.

I am pretending I'm not here.

-Mort.

-Oh, thank goodness it is-- Ah!

-Mort!

Cuddle feet.

-What you lemurs do
you with your feet

is your own business, Mort.

But when you terrorise a
whole zoo, it becomes ours.

-Um, Skipper.

Given that we turned
Mort into the threat,

wasn't it already our problem?

-Not now, Private.

Anyway, you're
drinking this antidote.

Pronto.

-It'll reverse the
unfortunate, freakish

effects of the super ray.

-No Mort don't want antidote.

-Can't feel royal toes.

-Mort like big!

-Oh, boy.

-Mort like strong!

Nobody boss Mort around.

-He's in berserker mode.

Retreat men, retreat.

-Open up, Mort.

It's medicine time.

-Now, Mort, let's take a
moment to gather ourselves.

-Yes, Mort please.

Has anyone seen my spleen?

-I know you don't want to
go back to being little,

bullied Mort.

-Still, might be a
nice chance of pace.

Let's give it a swirl.

-But, Mort, that's a
natural order of things.

And being little and loveable--

-No!

Mort hate little.

-Whoa!

It does tickle.

-Ow.

[SCREAMS]

-I like beating up!

-Kowalski-- options?

-Only one, Skipper.

Close your eyes so you
don't see it coming.

-Yeorf.

-What the deuce?

-Wow.

Big penguin.

-Yes, Mort.

And you're supposed
to be little lemur.

So take your medicine now.

-OK.

I know I'm me again.

And I like me!

-Yes, Mort.

But I hope you've learned
a lesson of value.

Being a bully is no good.

-Wait a minute.

You used Mort to
bully everyone else.

-Oh, Maurice, please.

We don't play the
blame game here.

-Ahem.

-All of the blame is mine.

Just don't sit upon me.

-Well, nothing
left to do but whip

up another batch of antidote.

-Actually, I don't think
that'll be necessary.

-Private likes big.

Oh, boy.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-Screwdriver.

Callipers.

Spork.

Ostrich feathers.

And finally, bubblegum.

-Bleh.

-Blueberry.

-Bleh.

-Fine work, Kowalski.

What it is?

-I have no idea.

-Well, let's just keep it
under wraps until you do.

MARLENE: Hey, guys.

Guys!

-Private, interference.

Rico, stash the invention.

Kowalski, look natural.

-Guess what?

-Quiet, Marlene.

We're testing Kowalski's
new invention.

-Private.

-Top secret.

-Yeah, because you're going
to real good job of hiding it.

-I'll have you know we're close
to an exciting breakthrough.

-You want exciting?

Try this on.

Guess who's getting
a new roommate?

[SINGING] That's right, uh-huh.

It's me.

New roommate.

New uh-uh.

New uh-uh, New what, what--

OK, so they're transferring
someone into my habitat.

So, we can totally
hang out and swim

and style each other's fur.

It's going to be perfect.

-Too perfect.

How can you be sure
this new roommate

isn't actually some sort of spy?

-Come on.

A spy?

-Sent here to steal the plan
for Kowalski's new invention.

-Mm-hmm!

Ah!

-Here's a little
something that I

try to keep close
to my heart-- try

looking for the best in people.

Because you'll always find it.

-That's cute and naive, Marlene.

Manfredi and Johnson were
cute and naive-- well,

Manfredi was the cute one, until
the little Nairobi surprise

party.

-Friendliness beats paranoia.

Boop!

-Still cute, still native.

-Cute and naive.

Ha!

Mr. Always-Assume-the-Worst.

OK.

Just got to perk up
the place with some

fresh flowers, comfy pillows.

Oh, yummy snacks.

Gah!

Guys, guys.

I have a door, right over there.

-Sorry, Marlene.

-Skipper thought
you should see this.

-They're zoo transfer papers.

-Your new interloper, eh,
roommate arrived in country

this morning on a
class "F" freighter.

-OK.

-A class "F"
freighter is only used

for animals weighing


-If the average otter
weighs 15 pounds,

that means exactly


are header here right now.

-1,500 pounds?

No, that's gotta be a mistake.

Besides, if my roommate
really did land this morning,

it means she'd be here-- um, uh.

Excuse me.

Hi.

Hi, there.

I'm Marlene.

You must be my new room--

-Rat!

-Disgusting rat-- shoo!

Shoo!

Shoo!

-I'm not a rat.

I'm your roommate--

Really?

-Because with that rat face,
you must get mistaken for a rat

often.

-Well, actually no.

No, mostly because I'm an otter.

See.

And my name's--

[SPLASH]

-I'm Rhonda.

-Um, so help yourself to
the sardines there, Rhonda.

They're kind of "a welcome
to zoo" kind of thing.

And I actually thought,
you know, maybe we could--

[BELCHES LOUDLY]

-So, where do I bunk?

-Oh, yeah.

You must be exhausted.

We're a little tight on living
space, so we'll have to--

-This will work.

-Um.

-Remember, boys.

You may not be dealing
with 115.384 otters at all.

It might very well be one
giant mutant 1,500 pound otter.

-Or six large semi-mutated


-Or 1,500 tiny 1 pound otters.

Right, Skipper?

-I like where your
head's at, soldier.

-Yeah.

It's so not otters.

-You mean because
of how grotesquely

they've all been mutated?

-Huh?

No, no, of course not.

It's-- it's because my
new roommate is a walrus.

-For the record, is this
walrus spy mutated in any way?

-She's not a mutant
and she's not a spy.

She's just huge
and kind of gross.

I've tried to be nice to
her but nothing works.

-Well, we can always arrange
a nice, long trip for her.

Right, Rico?

-What?

No, no!

No, I can't do that.

I mean, she's not that bad.

It's just-- maybe we just need
to get to know each other.

-Wake up, Marlene.

You can't get along
with everybody.

-Oh, I am awake.

Yeah, mostly because
she snores really loud.

OK.

But still, with
the right attitude,

you can make any situation work.

You'll see.

I'll prove to you that I get
along with Rhonda just fine.

You watch me!

-[SINGING] Take me
out to the ball game.

Take me out to the ball--

-Good morning, Rhonda.

How's the water?

-Even better now that
I added my own bubbles.

[FARTS]

-You know what I mean?

[LAUGHS]

-Uh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I got that.

And all over my pond, too.

Thanks.

You know, you really
might want to consider--

is that hairbrush?

-Oh, this is yours?

-Here.

I'm done anyway.

Just be sure you clean it
before you give it back.

-Give it back?

But it's mine.

-That's what I said.

Just clean it before
you give it back, OK?

-But I-- you-- you
can't-- I don't-- OK.

OK.

OK.

Um, look Rhonda?

Maybe we need to set up
some ground rules here?

-Ground rules?

Oh, sure.

I hear ya.

-Great!

OK, great.

Now, if we work together and
just respect each other's--

-Heads up.

Booger alert.

-Wait, what?

Excuse me?

-False alarm.

[LOUD SNEEZE]

-Did I mention I have
a chronic sinus thing?

[LAUGH]

-Ech!.

That does it!

Listen up, sister, I--

-How are two roomies doing?

-Great, great.

We're doing great.

See?

We are like this sisters.

-Oh, really?

You seem a might worked up.

-No, I'm goo.

-Who are you anyway?

-As far as you're
concerned, I am nobody.

-Sheesh.

Does he always just
barge in like that?

Talk about pushy.

-My home.

It's ruined.

[INSECTS BUZZING]

-And what's-- ugh, ugh!

What's that's smell?

Oh, finally.

I'm exhausted.

Good night, Rhonda.

RHONDA: Oh, night-night.

[FARTS LOUDLY]

[MARLENE CRIES]

-[SINGING] Take me
out to the ball game.

Take me out to the ball game.

Take me out to the--

-Stop!

Stop, please!

Please.

Please, you are
driving-- Rhonda?

Rhonda, It is clear that we are
very, um, different animals.

And that's great, you know.

I believe in my heart that no
matter how much distance there

is between them,
two animals can--

-Hey, rat face,
where's that hairbrush

you were supposed
to get back to me?

-It's mine!

It's mine!

You can not use my brush to
describe your disgusting--

-Hold that thought.

Here comes another one.

-Oh, no, no.

Here, at least cover
your face with this.

Oh, no, no.

The towel!

No, that's me, the towel!

[SCREAMS]

[SNEEZES]

-That was a close one.

Thanks.

Rat face?

-Ah.

Why?

Why?

-An intruder!

Kowalski, initiate
the self-destruct.

-I want you guys to get
rid of Rhonda, tonight.

Right now!

-But you're like sisters.

-I don't care if
we're identical twins.

I want her gone, forever.

-Cancel self-destruct.

Now, I know you're
all worked up.

Maybe you should
calm down and think

things through before you--

-She used me as a tissue.

-Ew.

-Talk to me, simians.

-Here's it is.

Two shipping containers,
both scheduled to leave--

-Whichever one's going
furthest, put her in it.

Just makes sure it ships
out of here tonight.

You hear me?

-Kowalski, options.

-We can't close
the top, Skipper.

-We may have to abort,
wait until tomorrow to--

-Out of my way, soldier.

Hey, Rhonda-- I
got a song for you.

[SINGING] Take me
out to the ball game.

Take me out to--

Bye-bye, Rhonda.

Home, sweet--

-Marlene?

-Ah!

-You might want to
take a look at this.

It's the shipping label
on Rhonda's crate.

It's headed for Alaska.

-Private, I don't
care if that crate

is going to a
polar bear reserve.

I am done--

-But it is.

-It is?

It is what?

-Going to a polar bear reserve.

-But polar bears eat
walruses, don't they?

-Mm-hmm.

-What have I done?

We need to stop that crate
and bring Rhonda back.

-But I thought you
hated that spy.

-For the last time,
Rhonda is not a spy.

And yes, yes, I hate her.

But I'll make myself
even more if I

let something bad happen to her.

-Not on my watch.

PRIVATE: There's the crate.

-I'm on it, Skipper.

Marlene, wait.

-I've got to save her.

[SCREAMS]

-This is an ideal time
to try out my invention.

-Will it help?

-Couldn't hurt.

-Yes, throw it to her.

KOWALSKI: Of course, I suppose
it could hurt very much

and that I still don't
know what it does.

-Huh, so that's what this does.

-What the heck is
this doing here?

This crate's supposed to be
going to the Hoboken Aquarium?

Whatever.

-Well, at least
she wasn't a spy.

-Marlene, have you
see my invention.

-Yeah, sure it's
right up-- I mean,

it was right--
right lying right--

-Agent 12 calling Dr. Blowhorn.

I have a priority
one coded alert.

Take me out to the ball game.

Repeat.

Take me out to the ball game.

Agent 12 out.

[MUSIC PLAYING]