01x08 - Penguiner Takes All

[bunniefuu]

And now DreamWorks' "The
Penguins of Madagascar."

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-Cute and cuddly, boys.

-And here.

-Lookin' good.

Hey guys.

-Course is set.

Ready to roll.

-Oh for pity's
sake, if the cones

are going to move
themselves, why do I measure?

-Guys, what are you doing?

-Marlene!

Who was on cone stowaway duty?

-I didn't stow aw-- you just--

-Officially, you have no
idea what we're doing here.

-Yeah, um-- unofficially too.

[SIGH]

-I am totally bored.

I am-- stupid-fied.

-Help.

Me.

Please.

Make.

Me.

Stop.

-Is there nothing
that can amuse me?

[SCREAM]

-Ouchie!

-Nice hustle, Mort.

I give it a six.

[TYRES SCREECHING]

-What-- what is this in my ears?

-How'd we do, Kowalski?

-Exceptional, Skipper.

Shaved four seconds
off our best time.

-Yoo-hoo!

It is I, King Julien,
your furry little friend

and favourite next
habitat neighbour.

-Buckle up, boys.

We might need to
beat a hasty retreat.

-Eh-- I could not help
but notice with my eyes,

your very pretty car.

I do not suppose that maybe
I could hop behind the--

-This vehicle is for
official use only.

-Please!

Please, oh, please
let me drive it!

Please!!

-Find your own ride, compadre.

-Yes, that is it.

My own very amazing
King Julien mobile.

Oh, I'm so glad I
thought of that.

-Ooh.



-Hello, fellow
motor enthusiastics.

I now have my own
sweet ride, yeah?

-Maurice, I am
stepping on the gas,

but I am not rubber burning.

-Doing the best I
can, your majesty.

-Oh, stop.

Maurice, you are a lemon.

Clearly, I need some
other vehicle worthy

of my kingliness, but where
to find such a-- Whoa!

-Maurice, look!

-What?

I only see Alice's zoo cart.

-It is handsome.

The most handsomest
thing which I have ever

seen-- besides myself,
which goes without saying,

but I said it anyway.

Why?

I don't know.

Tonight, that magnificent
machine is mine.

-I don't know, but
I think you could

get in some big trouble
for grand theft zoo cart.

-Tonight, Maurice,
tonight, mine tonight.

-Yours tonight.

-I like the way you think,
you little fluggywuggy.

-Look at the shine, Skipper!

-This car is so clean,
you could eat off it.

Is that good, Rico?

-Oh, hello, penguin drivers.

How do you like my
King Julien-mobile?

-Fish and chips, man.

You almost squished us.

-Ha!

You are ruffling
your feathery parts,

because I have this big,
beauteous ride, while you

have the puny,
little babyish car.

-Our car's not babyish.

-It's strategically adorable.

-Bab- y.

-Well, it could run circles
around that monstrosity.

-Care to put that
money in your mouth?

-Are you challenging
us to a race?

-Am I?

Yes!

You understand what I am doing
before I am even doing it.

Winner take the loser's car.

I would you want two cars.

-One for commuting, one for
weekend errands around town.

-Better stock up
on subway tokens.

We'll race tonight
at 12 o'clock.

-Make it midnight.

Wait, wait, when is my pedicure?

-Midnight.

-Ooh.

Uh, can we make it 12:15?

Does 12:15 work for you?

-Fine, 12:15.

-Then later, suckers.

Heh--

-Whoa!

-According to my
calculations, Skipper,

there's 0% chance our
car can beat Julien's

At least not in
its current state.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

-Outstanding work, boys.

Ooh baby.

-Cool cars go faster.

That's a scientific fact.

-Gentlemen, our car
is officially boss.

-It's a lovely night for a race.

So lovely, I may
not fling any poo.

Oh, all right, Phil, we can
watch the race and fling poo.

Just like we did in Talladega.

-Steering wheel?

-Check.

-Comfy seat?

-Check.

-Brick?

-Checkity-do.

-Hey, lemur, are you ready to
have your lunch handed to you?

-Oh, why actually yes,
that would be very nice.

I'll have a BLT,
hold the T. And-- oh!

This is some of your
trashy talk, yes?

Well, I too can
talk of the smack.

-Gentle mammals and
birds, start your engines.

Ready.

Set.

Go.

-Ha!

I am the greasy lightning.

Maurice, did they go squash yet?

-Nope, they're still back there.

-OK, then bowl them away.

-Evasive!

-Still there, and
coming on strong.

-It's time to gum up the works.

-We're on it.

-Incoming!

-Oh, not in the fur.

-Did that sticky them all up?

Tell me yes.

-Uh-- OK, yes.

-Yes.

Wait, Maurice, are
you just telling to me

what I want you to tell me?

-Yes.

-Yes!

Wait, no.

-You're going down, lemur.

-And you are going left.

[SCREAMING]

-Yo, now this is a sweet ride.

-Hang on to your lunches, boys.

-Uh, your majesty, they're back.

Actually, they're front.

In front of us.

-Maurice, are you
now just telling

to me what I do
not want to hear?

-Just look.

-No!

I cannot be the loser guy.

Maurice, throw
something at them.

-Like what?

We've thrown
everything we've got.

-Must I spell it out?

-The homestretch.

We've got this one
in the bag, boys.

-Silly losers.

-I flew.

-Kowalski, progress report.

-We seem to be losing.

-Wrong.

Private, take the wheel.

-Oh-- Rico, bean up.

-Ha-ha, I can taste
the taste of victory.

Mmm.

It tastes yummy in my tummy.

Oh, no!

Now I smell the smell of defeat.

And eww, it is stinky.

-Say hello to the
winner's circle, boys.

Here they come.

-Road hazard.

-Ha-ha!

I am the winneriest
winner of them all.

-We lost?

-Men, I take full
blame for this.

You'll have my resignation
first thing in the A.M.

-You, simian, you
cost us the race.

You can't go
throwing your banana

peels around willy-nilly.

-Well, he's got you there, Phil.

It's not like poo,
there are consequences.

[LAUGHTER]

Silly penguin,
when will you learn

that nothing can
stop King Julien?

-Nothing but a brick wall.

-Come on, speak to me, man.

How many fingers?

-Ugh-- is this a
tricky question?

What have you done?

-Um-- your majesty,
you did that!

-Maurice, enough with the
what I don't want to hear.

It is sad.

Very sad.

I would shed tears, if
I did not have your car.

Ooh.

-He doesn't have to
be so gloaty about it.

-I feel your pain, Private.

But you roll the dice,
you pay the price.

-Not necessarily, skipper.

-Hey, does this
have a seat warmer,

because my royal tushy
gets freezy in the winter?

Look!

Me!

On a pushy button.

-Kowalski?

-Lemur ejecting seats,
my own personal touch.

-Sweet.

-Well, well, trying to bury
a secret, Ms. Zoo-keeper?

Pity for you,
penguins never sleep.

[SNORING]

-Penguins never sleep.

Look alive, men.

I've got my freak on for recon.

-Whistling, awfully cheery for
someone pushing a suspiciously

human-shaped sack,
wouldn't you say?

-I don't know, Skipper.

Sometimes a good
whistle makes me

feel like a pretty
little butterfly.

-Can the sweet talk, Private.

You know, Rico has gooey
love mush sensitivity.

-Looks like she's burying
the evidence, Skipper.

Above ground, standing up in the
busiest crossroads of the zoo.

-Putting her gruesome
handiwork on display?

How sick is this woman?

-Please no zombie,
please no zombie.

-No.

It's worse.

-Hello, Mr. Robot Guide.

Can you tell me where
to find the otters?

-Otters, thatta
way, little rangers.

Works like a dream.

Goodbye annoying
tour group questions.

-It's too horrible for
words, except these ones.

The words I'm saying right now.

These are fine, but
anything else, no go.

-But Skipper, it doesn't
look that horrible.

-I like that fearless attitude,
Private, but only a fool

could fail to see the danger
in this metallic invader.

-Step to the sides
that way, now can you

not see that I am
coming through?

Oh, metal wiseman,
show me who is

the smartest of all creatures.

-Hey, that is right.

Yes, me.

-Make the shiny
man do magic again.

-Now show me who has the
most attractive bottom.

Amazing.

How does it know?

-Take a look at
our future, boys.

Phase two-- robot animals.

-It's a classic
cost-cutting manoeuvre--

replacement and elimination.

-But there's-- one,
two, three, four--

four things they
didn't count on!

The w*r on robot starts--

-Skip?

-Now!

-Come on, Rico.

These prissy party
favours won't take

down that pile of
evil robot steel!

-What now?

-That is just disturbing.

-Dynamite.

The classic time b*mb bundle
with the LED countdown delay.

Maximum explodability matched
with maximum get-away-ability.

Rico, you're a mad genius.

That Robo Zoo guide goes
sayonara in half an hour.

-High noon.

-Skipper!

Alice, incoming!

-Time to take your medicine.

-There.

That should keep your lunch
down where it belongs.

-That dame is a riddle
wrapped in mystery

and dunked in nasty sauce.

OK.

Mission time.

Rico, re-regurgitate
that time b*mb.

-Rico?

Are you all right, buddy?

-Skipper?

-Yak Attack Anti Vomiting Syrup.

We'll take the U out of spew.

Advertising.

Sorry, old boy.

Looks like you're all plugged
up till the medicine wears off.

-23 minutes, 17 seconds
from detonation, Skipper.

-So that's their game--
blowing us up one by one

with un-regurgitatable
gut bombs.

I'm horrified, yet impressed.

-It's so obvious.

I-- I should have
seen it coming.

I'm sorry, Rico.

I blame myself.

-No Rico?

No!

-Not Rico.

Not anybody.

Kowalski, status report.

-22 minus, 46 seconds.

-Then we've got 22
minutes and 45 seconds

to get that b*mb of
our buddy's belly.

Rico, my friend, we are going
to teach you to spew again.

-Try to keep it in
the bag, please.

-Shields up.

-Woohoo!

-Not to worry, men.

There's more than
one way to make

a penguin puke his guts out.

-Really?

How many--

-17.

Just don't ever ask
to see number 12.

-I smuggled this out
of the souvenir shop.

-A nature documentary?

-Wait for it.

NARRATOR [ON TV]:
This is Antarctica,

icy home to the
playful penguins.

-Hey, that looks
like Uncle Nigel.

NARRATOR [ON TV]: Prey
for the insatiable

blood thirst of
this leopard seal.

-Oh, that image will haunt me.

-It's just a boring documentary.

NARRATOR [ON TV]: Bet you
can't eat just one, Mr. Seal.

-Well, Rico, I'm sorry
it's come to this,

but I had Kowalski whip
up a little concoction

called Number 12.

Two scoops of squirrel
lint, a dash of baboon spit,

used kitty litter, one
hippo toenail, and anything

we could find in
the monkey cages.

Whoa, mama.

-Bottoms up.

-Mmm.

[BURPS]

-Only four minutes,


-Kowalski, ideas.

-That b*mb is not coming out.

We could send a man
inside to defuse

it if we were about yay tall.

-Well, how close are we
to shrink ray technology?

-700 years.

-Curse you, shrink ray!

-Make that 712.

-Who is burping up this
stinking fog of lint, and spit,

and unspeakable
things from a kitten,

and-- I don't even want to
know what that part was.

-It smells like the circus.

Am I going to the circus, too?

Why is the circus
so dark and slimy?

Hey, there's bonbons down here.

Hooray!

-Bird's gone carnivore!

-Quick.

We must flee.

Maurice, distract
them by being eaten.

-Tiny lemur, listen very
carefully to Kowalski.

He's going to talk
you through this.

-OK.

-All right.

Mort, you need to get to
the bottom of the stomach.

-Down the spiral staircase?

-Take the elevator.

It's quicker.

OK.

Do you see the time b*mb?

-I see an old squeaky toy.

Oh, I see it!

I see the b*mb!

-Good.

Now very carefully separate
the blue and yellow wires

from their sheathing,
reverse their polarity,

then splice both
into the ground lead,

which should be a slightly
thicker copper filament.

Am I going too fast for you?

-OK.

Which of the colours is blue?

Is this a blue wire?

-No, I believe that's a kidney.

-Sorry, amigo.

Looks like game over.

I never thought it
would end this way,

but I want you to know I love
you, you crazy knuckle head.

-I also love you in the same
way expressed previously, dude.

-I love you, too, Rico.

-And I love this popcorn.

It's a little wet, though.

-What is that noise?

-I know I'm not good
with words, Rico.

And-- well, either are you,
really-- I just want to say,

you are my brother.

-That's poetry, Skipper.

-I don't know about
him, but this mush

is making we want
to blow chunks.

-Do you mind?

-Wherever the sun
lay softly its head,

there will the land
whisper, Rico, Rico.

-OK.

OK, now that's poetry.

-I just want to see
a penguin throw up.

-Woohoo!

-Mort, the b*mb!

Get rid of the b*mb!

-I got the b*mb!

Mort is amazed!

I am the winner!

Mort is--

[SCREAMS]

-Lil' ranger.

-We-- we won!

And Rico is still alive!

Come here, boys!

-He was the only one who
truly appreciated my bottom.

He's still loving my booty!