01x06 - Paternal Egg-Stinct

[bunniefuu]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[BOING]

ANNOUNCER: And now, DreamWorks'
"The Penguins of Madagascar."

[CLOCK CHIMES]

[THEME MUSIC]

[CAMERA CLICKS]

-Cute and cuddly, boys.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[CLOCK CHIMES]

-Private, status report.

-No sign of the enemy, Skipper.

And the objective
is still there.

-Outstanding.

Move out.

-Rico, enemy spotted.

And they're nearing
the objective.

-Huh-- Huh-wallggh!

Heheh.

Hm?

[METAL CREAKING]

-I think we can secure the
flag without lethal force.

-Mmm.

[GASP]

-Ha-ha.

-Private, go for the split!

-Oof!

-Oof!

-Noooo!

[BLOWS NOSE HEARTILY]

-Uh, does this look like
I am becoming sick to you?

A little yellow, greenish maybe?

-Ugh.

-Look at it.

-Oh, you are sick.

It's a flag, ringtail.

As in "Capture the Flag"?

-Capture the who what?

-Capture the Flag.

-It's a game.

-A training exercise.

-For elite forces.

AKA not you.

-Oh, who is more elite than me?

I shall play this
flag-capturing game,

and when I say play,
of course I mean win.

-Negative.

No civvies allowed.

-Oh, I see.

Are you a penguin or a chicken?

This calls for harsh mocking.

[SHRILLY] Mock!

Mock!

Mock!

Mock!

Mock!

Mock!

Mock!

Mock!

Mock!

Mock!

Mock!

Mock!

Mock!

Bawk!

Mock!

Mock!

Mock!

Mock!

-Hah!

-I am still mock, mock, mocking!

Mock!

Mock!

Mock!

Whoa!

Mock!

Mock!

Mock!

Mock!

-Well done, boys.

KING JULIEN: Mock!

Mock!

-Huh?

Whoa!

-Mock!

Mock!

Mock!

Mock!

Mock!

Mock!

Mock!

Mock!

Mock!

SKIPPER: [GROWLS]

SKIPPER: Mock Mock!

Mock!

Mock!

[SNORES] Mock!

Mock!

Mock!

Mock!

-All right, you win.

Mock?

-But now you're gonna lose.

Heh, heh.

Now the object of the training
exercise is simplicity itself.

First team to capture this wins.

--Hah!

done!

Where are my prizes now?

-Not that simple.

-Prizes.

Prizes.

Tell me about the prizes.

-If, by some statistically
remote chance you do win,

the rewards are
respect and glory.

-And a little
swagger in your step.

-These prizes sound cheap.

As your king, I already own
glory and respect, don't I?

-Glorify!

-Respectify!

-See?

But not a TV.

Yes!

Long have I been wanting a
box with tiny shouting people

inside.

-And you'll put up?

[GIGGLES]

-Is he housebroken?

-Ehhh.

-All right, deal.

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

KOWALSKI: Target sighted.

-Skipper, what if
we lose the TV?

-Not possible, Private.

Those lemurs don't
have the skills.

-Yes, but they do have the flag.

-I win!

[HORRIFIED GASP]

[SINGING] Prizes,
prizes, I get the prizes!

[GRUNTING WITH EFFORT]

Yes!

This will go nicely
in my breakfast nook.

-Goodbye, Telly, old chum.

[SOBBING]

-Buck up, men.

We may have lost the battle--

-And the telly!

[WEEPING]

-And that.

But not the w*r.

Right?

KING JULIEN: Do I hear a
rematch in the remaking?

-That was beginner's luck.

We go again.

-Hmm.

I do like possessing
your possessions.

[GASP] When I win, this
hi-fi will be my-fi!

-We'll see about that.

Actions speak louder than words.

-[ON LOUDSPEAKER] And this
speaks louder than actions!

-OK, lemur.

Let's play.

Package is ready for pickup.

[SKIDDING]

-Oof!

-Aii!

-Smoked salmon!

-I like winning.

-Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah.

-It's good.

It suits me.

Like losing suits them,
the loser penguins.

[GROWLS]

-It just doesn't compute.

No land mammal should be
able to move that fast.

-I'll take that.

--[SIGH] The whole
world's gone topsy-turvy.

-So it's up to us to
make turvy topsy again.

-I'm not sure that's
even possible, Skipper

-We want a rematch.

KING JULIEN: Shh!

Dan from San Diego is
going for the $50,000.

Foolishly, if you ask me.

-Now!

-Losers say what?

-Now!

-Oh, hello.

You penguins are so pokey slow.

-Rematch.

-New crown.

You like.

-Rematch!

[RECORD SCRATCH]

KING JULIEN: Ah, ah, ah.

Peekaboo!

I see you, losing!

-Rematch, rematch, rematch!

-Pay upwards, losers!

[GRUNTING WITH EFFORT]

Mock!

Mock!

Mock!

Mock!

Mock!

[WEEPING]

-From now on, I
name you Carlotta.

[PURRS] Talk to me, baby.

[GROWLS]

-Let it go, man.

-Keep it together, Rico.

-Thanks to you!

When you have more
goodies for me,

I will be happy to
shame-ify you again.

-Hah!

-Yay, shame!

KING JULIEN: Mort, high-five!

-Unh!

Hunh!

-No, higher.

Higher still.

Is that all you got, really?

Duh.

Fine.

Low five, then.

-This stinks.

-Perhsp we could
blow something up.

A powerful expl*si*n would
turn that frown upside down.

[COUGHS]

[GROANS]

-Nothing left, even inside Rico.

-Good news.

We have nothing left to lose.

-You know, it was enough
they had to beat us.

Why'd they have to
stoop to namecalling?

"Flightless."

That hurt.

-Flightless.

Flightless.

That's it!

Kowalski, what'd
you say earlier?

-Uh, this stinks?

-Before that?

-Mama, I made boom-boom?

-Too far back.

-No land mammal should be
able to move that fast?

-Bingo!

Lemurs don't travel by land.

-They travel by tree!

-Head of the class, Kowalski!

While we carried out
land-based operations,

our lemur foes were gliding
right over our heads.

We never stood a
chance-- because we

were playing the wrong game.

-It's as if life
has meaning again.

But wait.

We know how they beat us.

-But we don't know
how to beat them.

-Look to the sky, boys.

Look to the sky.

ANNOUNCER [ON TV]: Did you pay
too much for auto insurance?

-It is very possible.

Tell me more.

[STATIC]

Aah!

Mort!

No slacking.

How am I to know if I
have auto-paid too much?

[TV TUNING]

[FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING]

AEROBICS INSTRUCTOR
[ON TV]: It's one,

and two, and one, and two.

-[LAUGHS] Yes.

Yes!

Do it, Maurice.

SKIPPER: Lemur!

One last game.

All or nothing.

-But I have the all and
you have the nothing.

So how does that work?

-Kowalski!

Options.

-Sorry, Skipper.

We lost my options
clipboard two nights ago.

-Argh.

-Righty-o.

Maurice?

options.

-Um, they could swear their
undying loyalty to you.

-Grovelling,
obeying, and combing

the knots out of my tail?

-That'd be the idea.

-Ooh-hoo-hoo.

I likey.

-We accept those terms.

[CLOCK CHIMES]

-The enemy is on
the move, Skipper.

-Gentlemen, commence shaking.

Now light these candles!

[WHOOSHING]

-I'm flying!

I'm flying!

[BUG SMACKS MOUTH]

[CHOKING]

-What is it, Private?

Spit it out.

-Ptoo!

Yes, sir.

-Oh, a bug.

-Those silly-billy penguins
cannot be beating me.

It is un-possible!

SKIPPER: Think again, lemur.

[ZOOM]

-The un-possible
just became possible.

-The-- the-- the flightless
birds, they-- they--

-They're flying!

-Yeah!

-Terror from above!

-Whoa!

-Hah!

-Whoa-- yaaahh!

Terror!

[GASP] Ooh!

[ZOOM]

-Noooooo!

-Game, set, match.

-So when he said
all or nothing--

-He really meant all.

-Wee-hoo!

-Victory is sweetest when you've
tasted defeat, eh, Skipper?

-Oh, victory's sweeter
on the lemur's bouncy!

-[SIGH]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[FART NOISE]

MAURICE: Ooh, that's a good one.

[FART NOISE]

And now even bigger.

[FART NOISE]

My, that one tied off nicely.

-Merciful mercies!

What is taking so long?

-Sorry, Your Majesty.

Just securing these
balloons onto your, uh--

Super comfy pamper
time floaty throne?

Super comfy pamper
time floaty throne?

Sure.

Let's go with that.

All right, let's get the
pampering over with. [SHUDDERS]

[GROANS WITH PLEASURE]

-Oh, yeah, baby.

Brushy, brushy!

[CRUNCH CRUNCH]

That's right.

Groom me.

Groom me like you mean it.

Give me all the
grooming you've got!

-Ugh.

-Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.

There is only one
set of hands that

is fitting to be
touching the royal feet.

And that is--

[WHIMPERS WITH ANTICIPATION]

The hands of the king himself.

-Oh.

[HUMMING HAPPILY]

-Eeee!

Aaah!

Ohh!

[HEAVENLY CHOIR SINGS]

Mmmgnnh!

-There!

It is time to be
beholding the shiny clean

and perfectly polished royal--

-Eeee!

-No!

What?

Not the minty fresh king feet!

-Aaah!

Oh!

-Aaah!

-Hi.

[SCREAMING]

-Oopsie.

--[CLEARS THROAT] You have all
been called here to dig a royal

proclamation from
King Julien himself.

-30 peanuts says this
is about his feet.

-Make it 40.

-Deal.

--[CLEARS THROAT] From this
moment that is happening now

and on, those who touch the
king's feet-- which are mine--

will be punished most savagely.

I drew that.

Me.

I did.

[GROANS]

-No feet?

-Well, that's five
minutes of our lives

we're not getting back.

-Until I get my time
machine fully functioning.

-Wait!

This is a very
serious proclamation

that I am proclaiming!

Look!

It is posted right here
on the plastic volcano.

And anyone who dares to be
touching my beautiful feets

shall be banish-ed from
my kingdom forever!

[ECHOING] Ever, ever, ever.

-What are you doing?

-Echoing you for
dramatic effect.

-Oh, nice.

I like it.

Now go to rebuilding
my super comfy pamper

time floaty throne.

And make it floatier
and super-duper comfy.

-Banished?

Forever?

-Forever!

-[ECHOING] Ever, ever, ever.

[CLOCK CHIMES]

[WHIMPERING SOFTLY]

[KING JULIEN SNORING]

-Must not think about feet.

Must count sheep.

Yay, sheep!

One, two, three.

[YAWNS]

KING JULIEN
[VOICEOVER]: Feet, Mort.

Must count feet.

-OK!

[GIGGLES] [SNORTS] Ooh!

Oh no!

Not the feet.

But I must touch!

No.

No, no, no!

Oh, that's good.

Much better.

Aaah!

-Aah!

-Aaah!

-Aah!

-Aaah!

-What in the feets
are you doing?

-Aaah!

Aah!

-I-- wait-- I-- I--

-You-- you-- you
are hereby banish-ed

from my kingdom forever!

Maurice.

-[ECHOING] Ever, ever, ever.

W-wait, you mean that Mort
is exiled for eternity?

-Forever or for eternity.

I'm flexible.

But the No Feet Touching law
must be of zero tolerance.

[WHIMPERS]

Hm!

MORT: [WHIMPERING SOFTLY]

Ooh!

KING JULIEN [VOICEOVER]:
You cannot escape us, boy.

Hug us.

We need hugs!

-Oh, get away!

Go away!

Shoo!

-Hmm.

Hey-- hey.

Hey, Mort.

Yeah, I heard about the
whole foot banishing thing.

And if there's anything
I can do, just--

-Trust me, cure me,
fix me, save me!

-Whoa-- whoa.

OK, I'm an otter,
not a miracle worker.

But I do know someone
who takes the hard cases.

-Yippee!

SKIPPER: Negative, Marlene.

We are not accepting new
recruits at this time.

-Come on!

Have a heart.

-No thank you.

Besides, Mort would never
pass our psych screening.

How Rico slipped through is
still shrouded in mystery.

[DINK]

[DINK] Hey!

-Mort really isn't that bad.

Are you, Mort?

Mort?

[SMACK]

[SMACK]

[SMACK]

OK.

Yeah, he is that bad.

But that's why he needs you.

I mean, you're the only
one who can help him.

You are a role model.

You are a natural leader.

-Well, guilty as charged.

-[WHIMPERING] Please help me?

-Sad Eyes, fall in, now!

Recruit, I'm gonna mould
you like a lump of wet clay.

-Yeah.

Have fun with that.

-Oh, goodie.

I'm wet clay!

[BLOWS WHISTLE]

What's that, Mr. Foot?

You want a hug?

OK!

[ZAP]

Ow!

Oh, all right, hug then.

[ZAP]

Oh!

Well, if you must.

[ZAP]

Oh!

If you insist on hug--

[ZAP]

Aaah!

[SHAKILY] Did I do good?

-[SIGH]

PRIVATE: Say it with me.

They're just feet, not love.

-They're just feet, not love.

[BLOWS WHISTLE]

-Mm, what's that?

You want a hug?

OK!

[ZAP]

Ow!

No!

No hug for you.

Say please.

[ZAP]

Aaah!

-Huh, sure is empty
around here without Mort.

-Yes.

And quiet.

-[ECHOING] Quiet, quiet, quiet.

-Yeah.

I do not miss him
one little bit.

-Now Your Majesty, you
don't really mean--

-Maurice, I am not
hearing the [RASPBERRY].

Without the [RASPBERRY], my
super comfy pamper time floaty

throne will just sit here and
be a stupid chair on the ground.

[RASPBERRY]

-No!

No hug for you.

Or you!

-Ah!

-Don't look at me like that.

All right, I--

[ZAP]

Aaaah!

-Oh!

-When I find the wiseacre
who took my shoe,

I'm gonna-- waahh!

Quick!

Prolonged exposure could
contaminate the entire sector.

-This is for your
own good, Mort.

-Oh, I want to hug you!

But I shouldn't.

-You'll do more than
hug it, recruit.

Rico, engage!

-Oh, the horror!

-[GASP] King Julien feet bad!

-It worked!

[BLOWS WHISTLE]

-Bad feet.

No!

No!

Bad feet.

[GASP]

Oh, sweet foot.

Hug this!

[WHAP]

[SCREAMING]

-Wow, he's violent.

But cured.

-Like a Christmas ham.

-He is 100% lemur foot-phobic.

-He won't even be
touching his own toes.

[SCREAM FROM ABOVE]

PRIVATE: Skipper, look!

-Rico.

-Hulgggh!

-Help!

I am in need of helping!

SKIPPER: Kowalski!

-Gaining altitude at the current
rate, and given the crosswind,

I project the balloons will
be punctured in 22.6 seconds.

SKIPPER: Hot dog!

Ringtail's in trouble.

-King Julien!

-Suit up, men.

You too, Private.

-But I'm Private.

-All right, he's
Private Number Two.

-I like number two.

SKIPPER: Operation
Luftballoon is a go.

[FIRE CRACKLING]

-What?

Oh, hot, hot, hot.

Help!

[BALLOONS POPPING]

Aaah!

-Cheese and crackers!

Struggling will
just make it worse.

-Aaah!

I cannot hear you over my
frantic and panic struggling!

[BALLOONS POPPING]

-Hold-- still.

Almost-- gotcha.

-I-- aaah!

-I got you!

Yay!

[GRUNTING WITH EFFORT]

Oh, no.

-What?

What is with the stopping?

Yank me into safety already.

-King Julien feet bad.

-What?

No.

No!

Uh, feet, good.

Please!

I never thought I'd say
this, but touch my feet!

Grab them!

-Boy will never touch Julien's
feet again in his life.

-Hug my feet!

Squeeze them!

-He is 100% lemur foot-phobic.

-Mort!

Love them.

I'm

-They're just feet, not love.

-Feet!

-Aaaahh!

-Yay.

-This is about feet
again, isn't it?

-Deja-vu.

-We tried to make Mort
foot-phobic, but we failed.

-Ironically, if not
for our failure,

Julien would be sleeping
with the hot dogs.

Dead.

-Exactly.

That's not failure.

That redefined objectives.

-Riiiight.

-Attention people.

I am hereby decreeing that my
new No Feet Touching decree is

a decree I am
un-decreeing forever.

-[ECHOING] Ever, ever, ever.

[GRUMBLING]

-What?

OK, fine.

I also officially thank
Mort for saving me,

welcome him back to the kingdom,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

-I'm home!

-Oh!

Not the feet!

Fine, I shall be
permitting one hug.

How bad could one hug be?

-Hee hee hee!

-Aaaah!

It's bad!

-[ECHOING] Bad, bad, bad.

[THEME MUSIC]

[KIDS LAUGHING]