04x22 - No One Said It Was Easy

[bunniefuu]

onth,
business was up 14 percent.

But you blew six of the 14.

- How do you figure that?
- You hired Bruce.

Why did you do that?

Because the man is essential

to the inner cleansiness of
this here joint.

See what I mean?

I hate to interrupt
this high-level discussion,

but do you tycoons think
you'll be having any dessert?

Wait a minute, Billie. Look,
if we're ever going to find

a buyer for Murray's share

then needless expenses
like Bruce are exactly

the kind of thing
that will scare them away.

I ain't looking for no buyer.

Come on, guys,
I have paying customers waiting.

- Some of them even tip.
- Will you hold it just a minute?

Bunker, you promised
Murray Klein you'd cooperate.

Murray Klein is far away.

Turkeys on wheat
for the turkeys on seven.

Actually, they're kind of cute.

Here we go.

Hey, Billie,
you are looking fantastic today.

Oh, thank you.

Billie, I had a dream
about you last night.

Do tell.

- We were stuck in an elevator.
- Man, I was great.

How was I?

Excuse us.

- I don't like this.
- What?

- Flirting with guys.
- Then don't flirt with guys.

Hey, I'm being serious here.

How come you had time to flirt
with those guys,

and you couldn't wait one second

to see what we wanted
for dessert?

Excuse me, but you're way out
of line here.

- Oh, I'm out of line?
- I'm not blind, you know.

Now, you're being
much too friendly with all

the guys in here, lately,
and frankly, I don't like it.

I enjoy being friendly
and it's part of my job.

What I don't like is
you watching over me all

the time like I'm doing
something wrong. Dump this!

You know what I'd like you
to do for me?

What?

Have a talk with Billie, huh?

Tell her she shouldn't
be flirting so much

with these guys.

She didn't seem too interested
in anything I had to say.

But that's because you don't go
about things in the right way.

When you're dealing
with women, you got to get

on top of things and stay there.

Do you ever listen
to what you're saying?

I don't have to listen
to what I'm saying but you do.

Well, do you guys think
you'll be having any dessert?

I don't know, Billie.

There's nothing on the menu
as sweet as you.

Thank you.

I'll see you tonight.

- He makes me so angry.
- Half the time,

he acts like my father,
and the other half,

like a little kid.

Well, that's Archie.

I'm talking about Gary.

Oh. Heh, well,

I hate to tell you,
but that's men.

That's so depressing.

Say, look, my boys are out
with their dad tonight.

What say you and I go
to a movie,

have a couple of drinks?

That sounds great.

Except that I always go out
with Gary on Fridays.

Okay, well, another time.

You know, I really don't feel
like seeing him tonight.

So I guess I wouldn't be
doing him any favors, would I?

I guess not.

Besides, I really feel
like talking. You're on.

- Hey, Harry.
- Oh, hey, Gary.

- Billie get here yet?
- Ah, she left this for you.

- What?
- Yeah. Your usual, coming up.

I can't believe it.

We've gone out every Friday
for a year.

One club soda.

Y... You know what, Harry, um,

I feel like
a real drink tonight.

Well, sure, Gary,
but I thought you didn't drink?

Well...

people can surprise you.

What's a good drink,
you know, a good strong one?

A dead man's eye opener.

Oh, I don't think so.

Eye opener?

That's appropriate.

Well, okay, Gary.

But I think I ought to warn you.

Make the drink, Harry.

Make that two, Harry.

And don't forget to put in
the chocolate mint brandy.

Hmm, looks like one hell
of a drink.

Oh yeah. I learned to mix
this one in the Army.

- Were you a bartender then?
- No, I was in expl*sives.

The note.

Harry... she left me a note.

Did I, did I tell you that?

- Yes, Gary.
- Well, she did.

Look at, look at this,
it d... doesn't even say...

"Love, Billie."

Just... "Billie."

You know how this makes me feel?

You told us eight times.

Women love to leave notes.

Blanche used to leave me notes
all the time.

Would you like to see
the last note that she left me

before she ran off for good?

I've had it laminated.

We've seen it, Barney.

Yeah. Well, they all said
the same thing, really.

"Bye-bye, Barney."

"I'm leaving with
the electrician."

"Bye-bye, Barney.
I'm leaving with the roofer."

"Bye-bye, Barney.
I'm leaving with the plumber."

But this was the saddest one
of all.

'Cause in this one, she said,
"Bye-bye, Birdie."

Barney, your tears are warping
the bar.

Things, things have been...
tense with us for a while now.

I don't know why I put up
with this.

Did you know why I put up
with this?

You're in love with her.

I'm in love with her,
that's why I put up with this.

In love with who?

Billie.

You're in love with Billie?

Where have you been
the last year?

- Right here, on this stool.
- I'm unemployed.

Barney, control yourself.

Oh, boy,

that chocolate mint brandy
is sure insistent.

So what do you say, Gary?

Ain't it time
for your bedtime now, huh?

That girl, that girl was
so right to get angry with me.

Hey, listen, I'll make you
a nice cup of black coffee.

Harry, I, I never should've
talked to her that way.

And then I'll get you a cab.

I gotta talk to her now.

Are you crazy?
It's after 3:00 in the morning.

- You're, you're right.
- That's right.

- I, I shouldn't call.
- I, I'll see you later.

- Hey, wait a minute.
- I'll take you home.

Just give me five minutes.

Billie!

Oh, Billie!

Billie, wake up.

All right, ten minutes more,
huh, Ma?

- Oh, come on, Billie.
- I gotta talk to you.

Ooh, Ma.
Not the cold water again, Ma.

Please wake up.

Hey, Ma! Pop's home.

Are you awake, darling?

I am now, darling.

Hi.

What are you doing down there?

Oh, oh, well, uh,
see I, I came to warn you

about the meteor shower.

Oh, oh, it's terrible.

I mean, there's big rocks
falling all over the place.

Well, you stay right down there

'cause I'm gonna come down
to have a word with you

and m*rder you.

Oh, no! God, help me.

Good work, God. Taxi!

Gary, what are you doing here?

Billie, Billie, honey, I, I came

to apologize but I can't talk
to you now.

- You've been drinking?
- Drinking? No. Gulping, yes.

Get going! Get going!

Colorado! Step on it.

Just gonna drive off in that cab
and there he goes.

And I hold you responsible
for this here, Barbara Lee.

For what?

You're driving this guy bananas.

He just threw a meteor
through my window.

- Here you are, fellas.
- Hair of the dog.

What is it?

- Don't ask. Just drink it.
- Did you put in

- the sauerkraut juice?
- Certainly.

- Ah.
- I'll pass.

Harry, you expecting
Billie soon?

Any minute.

- Oh!
- Ah!

Oh.

Hi, I didn't expect
to see you here this morning.

- How are you feeling?
- Ugh...

like someone's playing
racquetball between my ears.

Say, are you going
to drink that?

- Oh, it's all yours.
- Thank you.

- Could we talk, please?
- Sure.

Uh, quietly.

Okay. Come on.

- You know what, Harry...
- that's nearly perfect.

All it needs is a dash
of soy sauce

and a little fresh cream.

Look, Billie, I, uh...

I'm just so embarrassed
about last night. I...

I don't know. When you
when you missed our date, I...

I had something to drink.

I mean, you, you know
I don't drink.

Anyway...

all I really want to say is...

I'm sorry.

I'm truly sorry.

And I, I just wish

we didn't keep
having these arguments.

So do I.

Well... hungry customers
are waiting.

See you later.

- Um, Billie...
- Hmm.

Don't you now have something
that you wanna say to me?

Stick to beer next time.

Billie, don't you have something
to say to me?

Like what?

Well, for starters,
where the hell were you

till 3:00 in the morning?

And don't I have a right
to know?

Now that you mention it, no.

Well, all, all right.

I mean, if you don't wanna tell
me where you were, fine.

But at least you owe me
an apology for standing me up.

- I left you a note.
- The gas company leaves a note.

Could you guys hold it down?

I was nice enough to apologize.

Now, you should do the same.

I can't believe how immature
you're being about this.

I'm just being myself.

- You're not going to apologize?
- Why should I apologize?

It's your turn!

What is this, a game?

- You apologize, I apologize.
- I'm sick of these games.

- If I wanna go out, I'll go out.
- It's my choice.

Oh, peachy. It's your choice.

Well, everything's been
your choice these days.

Well, well, here he is.

The Romeo
that comes visiting Julius

with a rock in his hand.

Do you have to shout?

Don't listen to me! -

And you, I just found out
its gonna cost you 112 dollars

to get my busted window fixed.

I'll pay for your damn window.

Look, look. Running away
from everything.

Running away, all the time

out the door, just like a baby.

I can't take it.

I'm going over to McFeany's.

All they got there are drums.

And you, I warned you over
and over again

about running around
with a Jewish guy.

It could never work out
for the two of youse.

- That's not the issue here.
- What are you talking about?

Certainly, that's the issue.

Trying to make believe
there that the two of youse

has been getting along lately,
huh?

You ain't been getting along,
have you? Huh? Huh?

- No.
- No. Well, case closed.

- Am I right, Harry?
- You're always right, Arch.

He's not right.

People can disagree
about many other things

besides religion.

Let me put it to you this way.

Take any two... Ha... Harry,

give me two things
that don't mix.

- Oil and water.
- Take oil and water...

Leave me alone!

You know, Harry,
we're surrounded by babies here.

- Steamed broccoli.
- Ah, that's good.

No salt.

What do you mean "No salt"?

Don't you know that salt
is very good for you?

Don't give me the face.

Jeez, that goes back
to prehistorical times.

Didn't you ever read your Bible?

If you'd done that,
you'd know that salt

is one of the most
valuable things in the world.

- Did you ever hear of Lot?
- In the Bible. Lot?

Lot didn't have no more use
for his wife, you know?

So the Lord said to him,

"What would you rather
have instead?"

Lot says,
"Lord, I could use some salt."

So, the Lord turned Mrs. Lot,

who was kind of a big woman,
into a ton of salt.

Lot looked up at
the Lord and he says,

"Lord, thanks a lot."

And that's where they got
that expression there.

So, give me some salt, a lot.

No.

There's enough already
in the food.

- Ah.
- And you're not having any more.

- And no potatoes.
- We're having rice.

Wait a minute, wait. Please,
huh. Rice again? Look at me.

Are my eyes getting slanty
or something?

Stop giving me
the un-American vegetables, huh?

First, it's no salt,
no potatoes,

next thing you know,
it's gonna be no beer.

Light beer.

- Oh! Here we go.
- Light beer.

Everything you ever hated
in beer and more.

- Can we make some room?
- Yeah, yeah, put it right here

and I'll carve it for you.

Okay. Oh, look at this. Gosh,
ain't this beautiful lamb, huh?

Anytime I ever see lamb on
a big plate like this, you know,

I think of the little fellas
prancing around

in the springtime through
the meadows.

I mean, you know,
they're happy then,

'cause they don't realize
that they're going to

wind up under the knives,
swimming in their own juices.

So, which would you like,
girls, huh?

Huh, the burnt or the pink?

I think I'd like cornflakes.

Me, too.

Ah, come on, come on.
What's the matter with you, huh?

Honey, what, are you upset
about Rabinowitz there?

What do you mean?

This ain't for you to know.

What's going on?

I really don't feel like talking
about it right now.

Wait a minute, she's got a right
to know here.

This one here busted up
with Gary.

Archie, you don't know
what the hell

- you're talking about.
- Language! Language!

- Cut it out!
- You're upsetting her!

Why should I be upsetting her?

I'm only telling the truth, huh.
The truth is the best thing.

And the truth is that,

that whole Rabinowitz family
has been worried

about this thing
for a long time.

Yes. Old Abe told me
about it himself.

You wanna know something?

They got a nice Jewish girl
all picked out for him.

They're gonna let her know
about it in the Spring.

Now, Billie, what you ought
to do about Gary...

Why don't you just stay out
of my business?

This is just between Gary
and me.

Don't raise your voice
to me, Barbara Lee!

Yelling ain't nice!

Well, you don't be giving me
the looks, huh.

Just sit there like
a nice little lady there

with a pleasant expression
on your mug,

and wait for me to serve you
the lamb

which gave up its legs so
that you could have nutrients.

Why don't you have some salt,
Archie?

Oh.

I'll get it.

You tell whoever it is get lost.

Tell them you ain't gonna
open the door for them.

I'm opening the door
for you now.

- Oh. Hi, Gary.
- Hi, Steph.

Do you wanna speak to Billie?

Yeah.

Come on in.

Thanks.

Oh, well, well, Gary, it's nice
to see you there.

Listen, I... I'd ask you
to sit down and join us,

but you wouldn't like this
at all. It's a leg of pig.

You got a minute?

Sure.

Billie, Billie, please,
don't be driving him crazy, huh?

Be nice to him.

Since when are you so worried
about being nice to Gary?

Since lately...

happens to be a very nice guy

- and is very close to me.
- Sit down.

Billie, what's going on here?

Heh, I mean... it seems like
we're arguing all the time.

Th... the whole relationship
is falling apart.

And we've got to do something
about it.

You're right.

Good, good.

It's good that we're both
on the same track with this.

Now, all we really have to do
is just, you know, talk out

what's been bothering both
of us.

I mean, we'll just,
just lay our cards out

on the table
and then we'll work it out.

Lay our cards on the table.

Right.

Okay.

I don't think we should see
each other anymore.

I've been thinking
about this a lot

and I've been very confused.

You must have noticed that.

Sure, I noticed it. I mean, I,
I just hoped that it wasn't me.

It isn't you, it's me.

I'm just not ready
to settle down.

You are. You're older.

And...

you want things from me
that I, I can't give you.

Well, I, uh...

I can't say that I didn't see
it coming. I...

I guess I just didn't want
to face it.

I mean, to be honest,
the whole thing hasn't exactly

been perfect for me, either.

I guess I, I just hoped that,
you know,

give it a little time, and,
and uh...

it would work out.

So did I.

Well...

that's that, then.

We've had so much fun.

And, and you've taught me things
and helped me so much.

But you're not in love with me.

Gary, you're the sweetest man.

Uh-oh, uh-oh, oh...

stay here.

I know just how to fix this.

Oh, honey.

Listen, Billie...

I know it's, uh...-

it's, hard to know what to say
because, I mean,

I... I know what
you're going through.

It's... it's very tough to...-

it's very tough to break up,
huh.

Very tough to break up, yeah.-

But listen, uh, you know,
you're a young girl,

and, and look at it this way,
there'll...

there'll be many more
break ups ahead of you.

And, uh, you'll get through all
of them, and then

and someday, some guy
will wander in, you know, and...

you'll like him a lot, and...

and you wouldn't dream
of breaking up with him,

and then you'll know that
that's, uh,

probably the right guy,
you know?

- You're right.
- Yeah, sure.

Ain't I always right, huh? -

And you're laughing, huh?

Oh, oh. That's better, yes.

I'm glad to see you smile again.

It's gonna be okay,
it's gonna be okay.

Um...

uh, the kid is out
there waiting. Uh,

listen, you know what
I was thinking, Billie?

What?

After tasting the lamb,
I just as soon have

a bowl
of cornflakes myself there.