04x02 - Gary's Ex

[bunniefuu]

Gloria:
Oh, Dr. Adams!

- Oh, good, good.
- Dr. Adams, we're here!

Give them a hand, will you?

Hello there, Murphy!

- Murphy was my tortoise.
- I'm Joey.

I have to go to the bathroom.

Yeah, hey,
take the kid
to the cottage.

- Helper: Follow me.
- It's back this way.

- Well...
- Hey.

- Bye, Grandpa.
- Whoa!

- Don't be saying goodbye!
- I ain't going nowheres yet, here.

Dr. Adams,
you haven't met
my father yet.

- Oh, yeah.
- Come on, Daddy.

Oh, here he is over here, huh?

Oh!

Here you go.

You gotta cut that off,

- you know?
- I'm sorry.

This is my father,
Archie Bunker.

- How do you do?
- Dr. Adams.

Very pleased to meet ya.

- Hey, Doc.
- Yes, sir?

You got a beautiful
joint here. I mean,
I'm looking around.

This is some swell spot!

If I didn't know,
I'd think you was
a real doctor.

He is a real doctor, Daddy.

He's just an animal doctor.

Stop that, will you?

Let me ask you something, Doc.

How come you didn't
turn into a dentist?

- Daddy...
- I...

Will you stop hurting me here?

I'm trying to carry on
a normal conversation.

It's just that I heard
from a guy at the bar
the other day, you know,

the most people that
flunk out of the medicine
schools, there,

well, some of them become
vets, but most of them
turn into dentists.

Well, I thought about
dentistry, but there's
something about

people's big mouths
that irritates me.

I get what you mean.

- I'm sorry, Dr.
- Adams, but my father's in a big rush

to get back to the city.

Shake hands, Daddy.

Well, wait a minute,
wait a minute.
Whaddaya...

- A pleasure.
- Well, wait a minute.

What are you doing?

I mean, I just got here,
and you're throwing me
out on the road again.

What is this?
The bum's rush?

What are you hauling
me away for?

Give me a chance
to look around
a little before I leave.

It's just, well, Daddy,
if you don't leave now,
I think I'm gonna cry.

Oh, don't do that.

- Kissy, kiss.
- -Yeah, kissy, kiss, yeah.

Aw, jeez.

Well, honey,
don't feel bad,
now, you know?

If things don't
work out here, see,

and they won't,
you know, just pick
up the phone.

- Yeah.
- Dial New York.

- Ask for Daddy.
- Yeah.

Daddy come right up
and get you and
little Joey,

'cause I wanna tell you
something. There's plenty
of other jobs out there

that you can't handle, neither.

Well, okay, okay.

You better let me go.
You better let me go.

Come on. We'll be
seeing you... Doctor!

Doctor, if that's what
you want to call yourself,

maybe I'll be
seeing you soon, huh?

Take your time.

This truck was made by Japs.

Okay, one more through
the window, huh?

All right, all right.
Look out, now.
I'm backin' up here.

See what I mean?

So long, little girl!

Bye, Daddy, bye!

Oh, Dr. Adams,
I'm really excited
about working here.

- Good.
- And Joey can't wait

to get a puppy.

I'm afraid he'll have to wait.

I can't allow
live-in pets
on the premises.

Oh, why?

Well, otherwise,
everybody in town dumps
their unwanted animals on us,

so that's a rule.

Oh, well, okay.

Now there's no rush for
your son and yourself
to get unpacked.

We won't need you
at the clinic for
20 minutes,

- so take your time.
- Don't be late.

Oh, okay!

She seems like a sweet kid.

- Yeah.
- Was that her father?

Yeah, well,
that's the nice thing
about heredity.

Sometimes, it doesn't work.

Oh!

Joey, honey,

I love playing
hide-and-seek with you,

but now is not the time.

Joey! Where's my Joey?

- Hey!
- Joey!

- You scared me to death.
- You get out of there.

- I'm naked.
- Turn your back.

No, I've never seen you before.

What's wrong, Mom?

Joey, go get
Dr. Adams, quick.

- No, wait, kid.
- Kid, wait! Kid!

Dr. Adams,
Dr. Adams!

I wish you hadn't done that.
I'm not supposed to be here.

- That's what I figured.
- You get out of here!

If you'll turn around,
I'll get my pants on!

Jim, you got your own place.

You're supposed to have been
out of here last night.

I worked late last night.

Get out of the bed.
Get out of the bed!

I'm tryin',
but she won't
turn around.

Who is he,
Dr. Adams?

Jim Wainright.

Dr. Jim Wainright.

He's my assistant,
but don't worry.

We make him wear
clothes in the office.

Does he live here, too?

- Not anymore.
- You can turn around now.

He's as decent
as he's going to get.

Now will you
get out of here,
Jim?

- Out of here!
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And don't forget, Doctor,
you've got to spay
a cat this morning.

- Oh, how could I forget?
- Spaying is my life.

Mom?

Yeah?

Can the little
bedroom upstairs
be mine?

- Oh, sure honey.
- I'll take the big one.

Which big one?

Oh, how many bedrooms are there?

One.

- Oh.
- Well, okay, you can have the bedroom.

Why don't you go upstairs
and unpack your things?

Okay.

Boy, you know,
I feel like
I'm kicking you out.

Oh, no, no, no. I decided
to move out. I couldn't
keep Doc's number one rule.

No pets.

Oh, did you get yourself a dog?

No, Candy's more like a fox.

Oh...

Oh!

Everything was fine until
he found out I was mixing
business with pleasure.

Then Doc yelled at me,
I yelled at Doc, he yelled
at her, and she quit.

Oh, she was working here?

She had your job.

Ugh. Oh, great.

I've got your house
and your girlfriend's job.

Boy, I'm sorry.

Oh, don't be, don't be.

It's time I had
my own place, anyway.

Now I can have
all the pets I want.
A dog, a cat, a bird...

- A fox!
- A fox.

Well, good luck.

- Oh, gee, thanks.
- Boy, I'll need it.

So, you like working
with large animals.

You mean like cows and horses?

- Yeah.
- Never tried.

What about small animals?

- You mean like dogs and cats?
- -Yeah.

Never tried.

Oh, but I love 'em all,
big or small.

They're all so cute.

"Cute."

Yeah.

I should have known when
Doc said he hired a new girl.

I should have known
it would have been somebody
else with no experience.

Just another incompetent.

Well, excuse me for living.

- Oh, don't apologize.
- It won't help.

Well, I wasn't
going to apologize.

- Hey, Mom!
- What?

There's a neat yard right
outside my window where
I can play with my puppy!

I think I'm going
to like it here.

I'm sorry, Joey, we can't
have a pet of our own.

Why not?

It seems to be one
of Dr. Adams' rules.

I don't think I'm going
to like it here.

- Come here, Joey.
- Sit down.

Hey, you know what?

What?

I'll make new curtains.

You don't know how to sew.

Okay, then you'll make
the new curtains, Cinderella,

and I will go to the ball.

Joey, honey, I have
to get ready for work.

If Daddy were here
you wouldn't have to work.

Boy, Joey, you sound
just like your grandpa.

- Well, it's true.
- Grandpa said his friend the Lord doesn't want women to work.

That's why he made Adam
first, so he'd have
a job and a paycheck

all ready by the time
Eve got there.

I hope I got him
out of Queens in time.

Now look, Joe,

your dad lives in California

and we live here in New York,

and I have a new job
and you're going
to have a new school,

and we're gonna be happy
here, even if it kills us.

You understand?

That's my boy.

Go on.

- Oh!
- Casper!

Sorry, he thinks he's a lap dog.

- Oh, that's all right.
- I have a lap.

Oh, a goat.

Oh...

I work here.

- Hi.
- I'm Gloria Stivic.

Terrific. I've been
expecting you.

Sit down there
and take a look at
that appointment book.

As you can see,
Saturday morning
is really the pits.

- There's the phone.
- Don't make any more appointments for today

unless it's an emergency.

And Dr. Adams
never takes calls.

Is there anything
I've forgotten?

Your name.

Oh, I knew there was something.

- I'm Maggie Lawrence.
- I'm here on surgery days.

Oh, good.

I assist in the OR
and I administer
the anesthetic.

Oh, gee, I guess you have
to do that to them, huh?

I tried singin' the
little critters to sleep,
but they prefer gas.

If you want to get started,
take the appointment book
and pull the patients' files.

Oh, and they're alphabetized
by owner, not by animal,

because we have
14 Kings, 12 Queenies,

And three Lady Dis.

Answer the phone.

- Good morning, doctor's office.
- May I help you, please?

I'm sorry, Dr. Adams can't
come to the phone right now,
may I please take a message?

Oh, well, just a moment, please.

- It's a Louise Cotter-Smith.
- She says it's an emergency.

Everything is
an emergency with her.

Tell her you'll take a message.

Oh. Hello, I'd be happy
to take a...

Oh, you heard.

Certainly.

She wants him to call her back.

Come on, Maggie, let's go.

This is for the Phelps dog.
They will call for it later.

Let's see here.

This dog's been
on cortisone too long.

It keeps the dog
from scratching,
Doctor.

It's making him fat, Doctor.

- That dog is 18 years old.
- Now, at that age, you care more for comfort

- than sex appeal.
- Believe me, I know.

What do we got here,
Cotter-Smith?

No. Now which
is Eloise?

- Right here.
- Eloise! Go in.

- Take your mistress inside.
- We'll fix you up.

- Gloria?
- Are you gonna stand there, or are you gonna help me with Eloise?

Oh! I'm gonna
help you with Eloise.

Dr. Adams:
Gloria?

Yes, sir?

Do you know
how to take
a dog's temperature?

No.

Figure it out.

Turn around, Eloise,

we've got a surprise for you.

Oh, hey, what's its name?

Michael.

Michael. Oh, hello.

Doctor's office, just a moment.

- Doctor's... Hello?
- Hello? Hello?

Hurry up, hurry up.

Hurry up.

- Oh, good boy.
- Okay.

Put him in there.

Watch out for his leg.
Oh, oh.

- Oh, good.
- They like each other.

- Ow!
- Oh, sorry.

I want you
to watch this, Gloria.

Gloria:
Where are you going
to give it the shot?

- In the breast.
-Doctor: All right.
There you are.

Yeah.

I hope you don't
mind closing up.

I've got a little something
waiting for me at home.

Oh, go right ahead, Maggie.
I remember Saturday nights.

- Good night, sweetie.
- Joey.

When you're finished,

do you mind turning
Blossom Schneider over?

If it's okay with her.
Who's Blossom Schneider?

- The cat I spayed this morning.
- She's still groggy from the anesthetic.

Fine. I'll take
care of it.

- Thank you.
- Oh, you're welcome.

I'm going out to dinner,
but I'll be back later
to check on her.

Will you remember
to turn out the lights?

- I'll try.
- That's nice.

Good night, kid.

Joey.

Mom?

Yeah?

I'm hungry.

Yeah, me, too.

Hey, did you help Ben
put the groceries away?

He sure did.
I would have got that
swing hooked up today,

but I didn't want
to fall out of
the tree again.

For some reason,
my balance ain't
very good on Saturdays.

I understand, Ben.

Oh, by the way,
I got that kitty cat
turned over for you.

- So long.
- Gloria: Thanks.

- Good night, sonny.
- Both: Joey!

Oh, uh, we're closed.

You're drunk.

These are such funny guys.
Oh, honey, get that,
would you?

Okay.

I'm sorry, but we're closed.

Step aside, boy.

I'm afraid you'll have
to come back tomorrow.

- You obviously don't know who I am, then.
- I'm Louise Cotter-Smith.

- I'm Gloria Bunker-Stivic.
- How can I help you?

These are for Dr. Adams
to dispose of.

Oh, look, Joey!
Puppies. Are they sick?

- No, they're mongrels.
- Their poor mother, my prize English sheepdog,

my beautiful Wallace Simpson,

was ravished
by a raggedy
farm cur.

Aren't they adorable?

They're so tiny!

Yeah, yeah.

Aren't they too little
to be given away?

- Much too little.
- They have to be put away.

Wait a minute.
Are you serious?

I don't wish to discuss it.

But these are just babies.

Young lady, it took me
all day to reach
this decision.

Wallace Simpson
has to stop nursing
those puppies

so she can be in shape for
the Westminster Dog Show.

For a dog show?

Well, you don't have to do it.
Willard knows how important
this is to me. He'll do it.

- He will?
- Of course.

Just tell him
to send me
the bill.

Oh...

- Mom?
- Yeah?

Is Dr. Adams
going to do it?

Are you gonna let him?

Dr. Adams:
Ben, is that you?

No, it's me, Dr. Adams.

- Joey, quick.
- Take these puppies to our house.

What are you gonna do, Mom?

I don't know, honey,
but just run.
And don't jiggle.

- Okay!
- Don't jiggle!

Gloria, have you seen Ben?

Ben? What do you
want with Ben?

I was supposed
to play chess
with him.

Well, whoop-dee-doo.

- Boy, I am really surprised at you, Dr.
- Adams.

Well, it just goes to show you.

You never can tell
about people, can you?

Doc. Doc.

Listen, Doc.
I went in to turn
Blossom Schneider

over again
and the puppies
were gone.

We don't have any puppies.

That's what I said.
We don't have any puppies.
They're gone.

What are you jabbering about?

Mrs. Cotter-Smith's puppies.
I saw her bringing them
in the clinic.

When was this?

Just before Gloria
and the little guy
closed up.

Uh-huh.

They're gone,
and I don't know
where they are.

- I think I do.
- I told her no pets.

Oh, come on, please
drink just a little bit.

I promised Joey that you'd be...

That a girl! That a girl!

That a girl!
Good girl.
Drink it all.

Oh, that's great.

Now, just get
your brothers and sisters
to do the same thing

so they won't
starve to death.-

- Who is it?
- Dr. Adams.

Oh. Just a minute.

Okay, come in.

Dr. Adams, I can't work
for you anymore. I quit.

- There they are.
- It must sound...

I know it must sound crazy,

working for you
for just one day
and quitting,

but there are
certain things that
I cannot tolerate.

Are they okay, Doc?

As good as can
be expected under
the circumstances.

Now I know that you're
in a business, Doctor,

and that some people
do want their animals
put to death,

but I thought you would
only do that to sick
animals and old animals.

- Not to precious babies.
- I can't take it.

Mrs. Cotter-Smith, please.
Dr. Adams calling her.

My husband said
this is a lousy world,

and I told him he was wrong,

and he said, "No, Gloria,
you're wrong and I'm right."

Well, now I found out
that he is right
and I was wrong.

That's the way
my mother would
have said that.

Louise,
what the hell
do you mean,

dumping your
responsibilities
on my doorstep?

And my father said
that there are plenty
of other jobs

I wouldn't be able
to handle, either,

and he's probably
right about that, too.

You want me to what?

But I can't stand by
and watch animals
put to sleep because

of a dog show or because
somebody doesn't like
their looks!

I'm not gonna put
those animals to sleep
because of a dog show

or because somebody
doesn't like the way
they look!

My, my.

I've got five hungry puppies
here, waiting to be fed.

Well, if you don't,
Louise, I'm going to
call the Kennel Club

and tell them that
that fancy dog of yours
sleeps around.

Yes, you do that.

She sending Charlie?

Of course.

Take those guys
back to the clinic
and keep them warm.

Now, you, sit!

How dare you assume
that I would k*ll
those puppies!

- Well, you should have heard the things Mrs.
- Cotter-Smith said.

- I couldn't believe her.
- Why didn't you call me?

Because I believed her?

Now, we've got to get
one thing straight

if you're going to work for me.

I became a veterinarian
not because I wanted
to k*ll animals,

but because I wanted
to cure them.

All animals.

Not just show animals

and pedigreed animals,

but all animals.
Is that understood?

I guess I was wrong
about everything.

No, you were right
about trying to
save those puppies,

but you were wrong about me.

Now, let me tell you about me.

The longer I live with people,

the more I respect
and like animals,

and it's that simple.

Well, they are cuter.

Will the puppies be all right?

Of course.

As soon as they are weaned,
I'll find homes for them.

Dr. Adams, you'll be
very happy to know

that I learned
a valuable lesson
today.

What's that?

That animals
don't like to eat
out of an eye dropper.

That's true.

It's not like
the real thing, is it?

- No.
- Huh?

- Oh, and, Dr. Adams?
- Yeah.

May I take back my resignation?

Sure, I'm still betting on you.

- Thank you.
- All right.

Life is hard,

especially when you
have to start over.

Well, starting over is
not so bad, if you don't
make a habit of it.

Jim: Gloria, may I
see you, please?

Oh, he doesn't like me.

He's mad at me,
he takes it out on you.

For a young man,
he's an old grouch.

Door's open.

I asked you to do
one simple thing
and you mess it up.

- Who?
- Her.

- Oh.
- What?

I found Blossom Schneider
out of her cage,

trying to cuddle up
with the Baxter Doberman.

A dog with a cat?

Gee, I guess if
anything happened,
you'd get a Dober-puss.

No, she was spayed.-

That's not the point.

Gloria forgot to
lock Blossom's cage.

It wasn't Gloria.

- It wasn't me.
- It was Ben.

- It was Ben.
- -You apologize to this young lady.

Oh, I'm sorry.

See? He can
be nice.

May I hold Blossom Schneider?

Sure.

Thank you.

Oh, that a girl.

- Don't forget to put her back.
- -I won't.

She'll put her back
without your telling her.

Come on, I'll beat you
at a game of chess.

Well, you haven't yet.

Well, tonight is the night, kid.

- Oh, Blossom, it's been a tough day.
- Tough on both of us.

Well, maybe a little
tougher on you.

At least I didn't get fixed.