01x01 - Episode 1

[bunniefuu]

Alright, in Westerns,

cowboys just push open the door
and get a whiskey.

You never see 'em get a beer.

Bloody posers. What have they
got against beer, eh?

No fridges, mate.
They didn't have 'em back then.

Hey. Hey! Hey, hey!

Hey! Don't touch the bike! Oi!
Sorry, mate.

What... are you deaf? I said
don't touch the f*ck' bike.

I'm just dryin' it.

We don't give a rat's arse
what you're doin', mate.

Just piss off, will ya?

I'm just dryin' the beer off
I spilt on your bike.

Dickhead.
Oi! Whoa!

What did you say?

What did you say?

Dickhead.

Oh, look at him, crumpled over
like a three-year-old.

You navy poofters
never could fight.

You want a beer?

So, what happened?

With the navy?

Got sick of the rules.

Everyone needs rules, pal.
Yeah? What are yours?

Hit first, talk later?
No.

If you insult us,
then we'll defend ourselves.

You're not the only one
who's pulled on a uniform, laddie.

The Royal Engineers
in the British Army,

and the rule I learnt...
was loyalty.

Bugger your country.

It's about your mates.

'Cause when you know
he'd die for you,

you've got to be ready
to die for him.

And that's my rule.

It makes me feel like
I'm worth somethin'.

You follow that?

What's your name?

Tony.

And where's home?

Secretive b*stard, aren't ya?

Bet you're an Aries.

A what?
Star sign.

When's your birthday?

Dunno.

You don't know your birthday?

And you're on your own, are you?

Is this yours?

Uh... no.

I bet YOU own this big one, right?

Maybe. Why?

Give me a ride, I'll give you a root.
Cheryl!

It is mine.
No, it's not!

It is mine! It is mine!

No, no, please.
Please, let it be mine!

So, where are you going?

Nowhere special.

Come with us, lad.

Come on.

Whoo!

Whoo! Whoo!

Wet undies comp!

Whoo!

Yeah!

Whoo!

It looks like you'll fit right in.

Does this happen every week?
Almost.

It's not a bad life, huh?

How do I join?

You want to join,
that needs a unanimous vote

of the full membership.

You've got to prove you can fit in
before that happens.

How do I do that?

Well, first things first.

You gotta get a bike.

You can see Foggy for that.

He's a great bloke, the Fogg.

He'll give you what you need.

Yeah, I've got a mate
in the RTA, right?

He'll fix you up with a licence

and a false name
and a false address, right?

You open up a bank account
in that name

and you go out and get yourself
a Harley on finance.

And when they sue you for...
you can't make the payments,

who cares?

Who's gonna find you?

So, now you're a nominee.

That means you can come to
club meetings but you can't vote.

Here we go.
You can party with us.

But you've got to do
whatever a full member asks.

We're going to be
the biggest club in Sydney.

And then, one day,
the biggest club in the country.

So, I've got to be very choosy
about who I let in.

There you go!

Listen up.
We need to have absolute trust.

The club needs us,
we all have to be here.

No questions, no excuses.

'Cause the more people hear about
what a great club we've got...

Are you listenin' to me?!

The more people know that
we've got a great club,

the more enemies we'll have,

and that'll mean training
and discipline.

So, no club of mine's gonna be
unprepared for a fight.

So, this Tony Spencer.

His probationary period
ends this week.

What do we reckon?
Yep, he's good.

- He's OK.
- He is a sh*t fighter.

Fair go.

Come on. You ever seen him
throw a punch?

Don't worry about that.
He'll hold his own.

So what? I mean, we get in a blue,
he'll be bloody useless.

That's all I'm saying.
Give him a break, Fogg.

He hasn't hit on anyone's old lady.

He keeps the beer fridge
stacked and cold.

He likes to ride motorcycles.
What more does a nom have to do?

Well, it's your club, I suppose.

You're right.
It's my club and I like him.

But it needs a unanimous vote.

Put your hand up.

Tony Spencer.
Thank you.

With the power
that I've given myself,

as founder and president,

I hereby induct...

No-one's given him a nickname yet.

Well, then, what... what's
his favourite cartoon character?

Oh, Minnie Mouse.
Not yours.

Snodgrass.
Snodgrass.

What sort of dingbat name is that?
It's too late.

I hereby induct
'Snoddy' Snodgrass Spencer

into full membership of
the greatest club in the world...

..the Comanchero Outlaw
Motorcycle Club.

Hey! Hey-hey!

Hey!

Snoddy Spencer.

One-percenter!

On my command. You ready, line one?

Attack! Let's go!

Every single one of you
joined this club

'cause there's no better feeling
than standing side by side

and feeling the strength
that comes from that.

Get into it! Come on, Davo, hit it!

My right! Go through!
All the way through!

Let's go. On my command. You wait.

Line two, attack! Let's go!

Let's go! All the way! Hit it!

Hit it! Let's go! Attack!

That's it, Snoddy! Use your elbow!

Line two, attack! Let's go!
Hit it! Come on!

Line one, attack!
Line two, wait for my command!

Attack! Let's go!

All the way through!
Both sides, attack!

Foggo, for f*ck's sake,
what is that?!

OK, knee it!

Harder! Hit the f*ck' thing,
like this!

This line here...
I want to see you, Davo,

do somethin'
quite f*ck' special today.

'Cause at the moment, you wouldn't
dent rice f*ck' custard.

Go! Go!

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But who's the enemy?

I mean, what exactly
are we gettin' ready for?

You're not up for a blue?
I'll fight anyone if I have to.

But I joined a bloody
motorcycle club, so...

Hey, hey, hey! Hey!

Hey!
Hey! Foggy, Davo!

Hey!

Yes, we're a motorcycle club
but what does that mean?

It means freedom, yeah?

That's what makes us special.
And everyone knows we're special.

But let me tell you somethin'... when
you've got what someone else wants,

sooner or later,
they're gonna try and take it.

Hey! Is this boring you,
is it, Davo?

The price of having something
special is you've got to protect it.

Does everyone follow that?

One of our newest noms.
This is Junior.

Get us a colder one.
I think those are it, mate.

Is that all the beer we got?

Yeah. I mean, I think so.

Tch-tch-tch!
What kind of nob are ya? Hmm?

Oh. Yeah, righto. Five minutes.
Go with him.

I bought 'em bloody
twice as much as usual, you know?

I thought it'd be enough.

Don't worry, mate.
They always run out of beer.

What's this?

It's a, uh... it's a better deal
than the pub, mate.

Hey! Stockin' up again, mate.

Where's the other bloke,
the one who owns that thing?

Workin'.
Some of you work?

Only if we have to.

Who are you?
Oh, that's, uh, Snoddy.

And what do you do?

Help around the clubhouse.

Thanks for doing a deal with us.

So, Junior's doing alright
for himself.

We're just mates.

Well, if you don't have a boyfriend,
that's pretty good news.

And if I do?
I can wait.

Right.

Well, just so you know,
I don't have a boyfriend.

I do have a son.

OK.

Second thoughts?
Nuh.

You got a son, I got a club.

That's a way to make a girl
feel special.

Well, look on the good side... if you
or your son ever need anything,

the club will be there for you.

Help with what?
You name it.

What... anything?
Pretty much.

Can I call ya?

Might have to see
what Junior says about ya.

Well, he's a nom.
He'll say what I tell him to.

Junior?
Oh, yeah. No, top bloke.

Couldn't do better.
You gonna pay for those?

Put it on the tab.
You know where we live.

Right.

Yes, please.

You know what it's time for.

Quickly.

No! No! No!

See you, Joely.

Bye.

See ya. Have a nice day.

Gladiators just folded.

Good.

Weren't getting enough members.

It was just the Campbell brothers
and a few sh*t-kickers in the end.

Oh, the Campbells.

If you were a Scot,
you'd know all about the Campbells.

f*ck' treacherous b*stards.

What... all of 'em?

You know what Glencoe is? If you're
a Scot, you don't forget Glencoe.

These guys did a secret deal
with the English.

They said they wanted to join
the MacDonald clan.

So, they let them in.

And then the Campbells
m*rder*d everyone...

women, children, the lot of 'em.

When was that?



Right.

So, we're probably talking about
different Campbells, then, yeah?

February 13, 1692, Snow.

Well, the Campbells out here
in Australia, Jock,

are some of the toughest fighters
in Sydney.

Especially Caesar.

And who'd we hear that from...
Caesar himself?

Jock, I'm thinking of
the club, alright?

Never... trust a Campbell.

OK?
You really want to pass this up?

Listen, they go somewhere, someone
will throw the door open for 'em

and I am telling you,
Caesar is tough as a hippo's arse.

You want 'em fighting with us
or against us?

You know, I had a dog
called Caesar once.

He had a head like
a blind joiner's thumb.

Caesar Campbell?

Snoddy Spencer, Comanchero.
That's Junior.

Drink?

Lemon squash.

So, you're with the Gladiators?

Two lagers
and a, uh, lemon squash, mate.

Not anymore.
Yeah, I heard.

You want a new club?

The Angels have asked.
I'm still thinkin'.

What about us?
Don't know much about you.

Well, you should come to
the clubhouse, meet the prez.

Jock Ross.

Yeah, he's an individual,
I'll give him that.

So, why'd you join?

We've got a good bunch of blokes,

and we're growin'.

Jock... he's got big ambitions.

So I've heard.

So, what do you say, Caes?

Jock? Caesar Campbell.

Didn't promise anything.
Just thought you might like a chat.

Are you looking for something else?

Might be.

Well, we're recruiting
at the moment.

Nah. I'm not gonna go through
that nominee bullshit.

That's fair enough.
You were a prez.

So, what else do you do?

I run a fencing business.

Beautifying the boundaries
of the western suburbs.

Well, you gotta know
your boundaries.

What about you?

I'm on a disability pension.

No sh*t? Whose name
did you steal for that?

I could tell ya
but I'd have to k*ll ya.

Oh, I'd like to see that.

There's no drugs in my club, Caesar.

There's respect for the old ladies.

Anyone disagrees with that
and they're f*ck' liars.

So, what you say?

What about me brothers?

They're welcome to apply.

They'd have to follow the rules,
come through as noms,

get put to a vote.

You'd be the only exception.

I'll talk to 'em about it.

- I swear allegiance...
- I swear allegiance...

..to the Supreme Commander...

..to the Supreme
Commander...

..of the Comanchero
Motorcycle Club...

..of the
Comanchero Motorcycle Club...

..Jock Ross.
..Jock Ross.

Hey!

Joel, come and get your tea.

God, you're a spunk.

Is that my one compliment
for the year, is it?

No. I'll say it every day,
if you like.

No... Joel?

Come on, Joely. Tea time.

Made your favourite.
sh*t!

Hey!

You right?
He's fine.

He was just ducking under.

Just ducking under,
weren't you, buddy?

Hey, he's fine.

He's a kid. He was just playin'.

Yeah, well, it's not funny.

It might not be funny, but he's
just a kid, he's just playing.

Come on, baby.

It's alright.

Come on. Let's go get some spag bol.

Hey, can I ask you somethin'?

Mm-hm.

The whole... the whole bath thing...

Oh, well...

..you know, me and baths are...

When I was little,
Mum cut her wrists in the bath.

It's one of me earliest memories.

And then I got put in a home

and, uh, some of the older kids
heard about it...

..so they thought
it'd be pretty funny

to make me think
I was gonna die like she had.

So, they held me under...

..till I blacked out.

So, me and baths don't mix too well.

In fact, water in general
is a bit iffy.

That's why the navy thing...

you know, face your fears
and all that sh*t.

OK.

So, you sail straight in
and me and Chop and Bull,

we gotta go through being noms
and suckin' up to everyone?

I know, mate. I know. It's just
gotta be for a little while.

They want us in there. They need us.
We're the Campbells.

Strong club?
Yeah, it's strong.

It's got a good rep.

And all us brothers
will be in the same club again.

Bull's gonna crack the shits.

Yeah, well, Bull will do
what he's told.

Dream on.

Hey! Oi!

What, mate?

What are you doin'?
This is a Commo pub.

Jesus Christ. Who says?
Just a bit of respect, hey, mate?

If you've got an invite,
that's fine.

But if not, you can piss off.
It's a pub. I just want a beer.

You can't just
plonk yourself down and say,

"This is mine. Piss off.
I own this."

Hey! Oi!

This is your last chance, dickhead.

Or f*ck' what, Barge-arse?!

f*ck off.

Tea rag on his head, that guy.

You see his... thing?

You pack of bloody assholes.

Huh?

Who's the f*ck'
tough guy now, prick?

Only one of youse
is a Commo, anyway, right?

Yeah. That'd be Caesar.

Campbells.

Why don't you put
the pop g*n down, w*nk*r?

Yeah, mate. You'd
f*ck' love that, wouldn't ya?

Smell that?

That is the smell of sh*t
runnin' down your pants.

It's runnin' down
someone's leg, mate.

Now, you take your brothers,
you piss off

and you don't come back here again

or I'll blow
your f*ck' brains out.

Got it?

You got one shot left

before I rip
your f*ck' throat out.

Make it count, arsehole.

Aaagh!

No-one shoots at
a Comanchero, OK? Ever!

So, Caesar, you pick
four or five guys

and you two, you do
forward reconnaissance.

You find out where they go.

Alright? We'll do a stage one
when they're weak.

Alright? We go Wednesday.

Can't go Wednesday.
'Dallas' is on Wednesday.

That's right.
What... the TV show?

You're not watchin' this?

JR's about to screw his old man
out of a fortune.

I am not missin' 'Dallas'.
So, we're gonna go Tuesday, OK?

And it's gotta be quick, alright?

Bang! You just hit 'em.

Pricks.

Everyone's got their role, OK?

Yeah? What's Snoddy's?

He's my special envoy.

Arse-licker, basically.
What's up?

Your mate here still thinks

that Snoddy's gonna doggo
when we get in a blue.

If you ask me,
he's not a real one-percenter.

How many times do you need to be
told? Everyone's got their roles.

You're my vice-president, right?

Snowy, here, fixes the bikes.

And Caesar Campbell
knocks people unconscious.

And that is why I'm gonna make him
my sergeant-at-arms.

And Snoddy?

Snoddy's about to risk a bashing
to set up stage three. Alright?

Unless you want to volunteer.

Do you want to do that?

Hey, Muscles.

Who the f*ck are you?

Mate, you pulled a g*n on
some of our brothers

and we've gotta
protect ourselves, you know?

You hit one of us, we all bleed.

Still, all square now, yeah?

Jock thought we should meet up,

when youse are better,

have a beer and put it behind us.

Somewhere neutral...
we'll provide the keg.

What do you say?

Well, that depends on what sort of
a... meeting you're talking about.

Mate, just to calm things down.

We can't go on like this forever.

So, what do you reckon...
in a couple of weeks?

Rest up, fellas.

f*ck.

Hey, make a wish.

Do I have to tell you?
Nah.

Then I do every day.
What do you mean?

I've been wishing
since the day I met you.

About what?

I can't tell ya.

Come on.
Easy!

What? Don't get all wimpy.

Are you a Commo or a Loner?

What do you know about the Loners?

Nothin'.

Has Junior been talkin'?
No.

Look, he's practically my brother.

What's said in the club
stays in the club.

Oh, "the club, the club."
It's like... like bloody church.

What did he say?
Nothin'.

He said someone pulled a g*n
and that it was bullshit anyway.

How many bikies does it take
to change a light bulb?

I dunno.

How many?

No-one knows.

It's all a bloody secret.

Stop...

Don't.

Don't...

Stop it!

You little sh*t.

Jock Ross.

Aye.

Funny place for a party.

It is.

Line one!

f*ck' prick!

Line two!

Enough!

So, I've got your colours, pal.
You're finished.

But I've got a proposition for you.

If you want to join the greatest
motorcycle club in Australia

and swear allegiance to me...

..you can keep your members
and your clubhouse,

and you'll be a feeder club for us,

with all the rights and privileges
of the Comancheros,

operating under our rules.

Aaagh!

So, what do you say about that?

Whatever you reckon, mate.

I f*ck' accept.

I should think so.

Let's go!

No hard feelings, mate.

If you can't beat 'em,
join 'em, mate.

OK, listen up.

Induction ceremony's
at nine o'clock.

So, what's gonna happen, you'll
line up here, I'll swear you in...

forward, to your left,
march past the assembled members

and back here at attention.

Then it's back to the party
and beer.

You got all that?

Yeah, righto, mate.

Marchin' round? Who is this dipshit?

Shut up, mate,
or I'll close your other eye.

Snoddy?

How you feelin'?
Good.

You made a lot of friends
out there today.

I didn't think it'd be over so quick.

You think it's over, pal?

It's never over.

Is that what the army
tells you, is it?

And history.

There's always an enemy, lad.

Only, sometimes, you can't see them.

In fact, sometimes,
you can never see them.

But you trust me, right?
They're out there.