01x26 - Monkees Chow Mein

[bunniefuu]

- It's you!
- Huh?

Oh, yeah, it's me alright, huh.

Well, when did you get out?

About twenty minutes ago.
I thought it was gonna

be such a groovy day,
I'd take a little drive-

No, no, no!
Don't come any closer.

Uh, what's the matter?
Did I say something wrong?

No, no, just don't touch me.

Hey, what's the matter with you?

- Look, I'm sorry!
- Hey!

I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

Alright. I believe you.

I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
Honest, I'm sorry! I'm really sorry!

Here we come
Walkin' down the street

We get the funniest looks from
Ev'ry one we meet

Hey, hey, we're the Monkees
And people say we monkey around

But we're too busy singing
To put anybody down

We're just tryin' to be friendly
Come and watch us sing and play

We're the young generation
And we've got something to say

Hey, hey, we're the Monkees
You never know where we'll be found

So you better get ready,

We may be comin' to your town

Micky, you gotta go in
there and report this.

Look. What are you gonna do,
promote violence on the street?

He didn't mean any harm. What violence?
He's just a typical psychopathic k*ller.

- Yeah, I'm sure. Micky.
- Come on.

Look, will you please get in here?

Hello, sir. I, uh.

It's you. It's him!
Watch out!

Here we go again. Look,
I've just come in to report a beating.

Did you k*ll him?

I didn't do the beating!

Oh, believe me, I'm sorry.

No, it's okay. I don't think
I can take any more apologies.

Wh-wh-would you, hold it!
Both of you, please.

This is Micky Dolenz of The Monkees.
Thank you.

You mean you're not Baby Face?

Baby-? Well, my mother used to
call me goo-goo eyes. Ah.

Now, then, let's get down to cases.

Take a look at that face.

Yuck! Uh. Ugly!
Oh, that guy is ugly!

You know who that is?

Well, whoever he is, he's a sneaky,
vicious, mean type looking person.

Vicious, sneaky, ooh.

Why, that, that's me. Heh. That honest
looking, handsome faced guy is me, aheh.

Well, that's a very flattering picture.

That happens to be Baby Face Morales,
the most vicious k*ller in America.

You're kidding.

We got him, but we didn't get his mob,
and we didn't recover the loot.

What-where do, where do I come in?

We want you to get the hoods
and come back with the goods.

Oh, you want me to get the
hoods and the goods.

No, no, no.

Get the goods on the hoods.

We want you to get the goods
and the hoods.

Oh, I see. They want, they want me
to get the goods and the hoods-

No, no, no, no, no, no. He said,
"Get the goods with the hoods".

You first take the foot and the goods.

The goods and the hoods on the rood.

Enough!

All I want you to do is
impersonate Baby Face.

Now, we'll send out an announcement
that he escaped from prison.

Enough!

What, what, impersonating a gangster?
I can't do that.

Well, gangsters are just like
ordinary people... with Tommy g*ns.

Don't do it.
You've got to get k*lled.

Right.

Okay, but be careful. Baby Face
got a lot of enemies on the outside,

and a guy with a face like
yours could get hurt.

Don't be silly. Heh. I'm not
gonna get hurt; I'm too careful.

When do we start?

Now, before you contact
Baby Face's g*ng,

you've got to learn
all his mannerisms.

Who can teach me that?

Hey, haven't I seen you
somewhere before?

Hey, wait, I know; you look like me.
Sneaky and vicious.

I'm, uh, your cousin Micky
from Sandusky, Ohio.

I've been kinda out of touch
with the family. Sit down.

You know, I've, I've
followed your exploits,

Baby Face, and I, and I've
tried to model myself after you,

like the way you walk, for instance.

Hey, cool it. That's
not the way I walk.

My walk is, uh,
more like this.

Got it?

Okay, let me try, Baby Face.

Uh, it's pretty good.

You know, uh, I'd, uh, I'd also
like to learn how you talk.

Can't, uh, can't expect
no miracles, heh.

What kind of expressions
do you use if you're,

if you're being rough to somebody?

Oh, if I get a sort of guy I don't like, I,
uh, first, I, uh, grab him by the shirt,

then I look him in the eye,
and I say, uh, "So's your old man".

So's your old man.

Get lost!

Get lost.

Hey, you're pretty good.

Hey, you're pretty good.

Okay, okay.

Okay, okay.

Shut up, you got it already!

Um, I-I'll try to be exactly like you,
Baby Face,

now, and you tell me if I do anything wrong.

Okay, big man.
Now you're asking for it.

Here's what happens when
somebody double-crosses Baby Face.

Oh. I'm sorry, Baby Face.
Guess I kinda got carried away.

No, cousin. Now you're gonna
get carried away.

G-guard! Help! Wait, no!

I'm your cousin, Micky
from-Guard! Guard, help!

Now first, you'll go to the Purple
Pelican where you contact

one of Baby Face's friends, and
he'll take you to the g*ng's hideout.

Well, how will I recognize his friends?

Don't worry, they'll probably recognize you.
Now it'll be one of these people.

Now this is Tony Ferano,
alias Big Tony,

alias Tony the Rock, alias Tony the
Slasher, alias Kissing Clyde.

Kissing Clyde?

In Detroit, he committed
extortion, ill*gal entry,

and headed up the
numbers racket there.

Then he quit the police department
and joined up with Baby Face.

He sounds like a tough customer.

Now, this is Mugsy Ruckyzer
alias Mugsy Ruck,

Mugsy Reynolds, Mugsy Raymond,
and Sherry Fingerhead.

Sherry Fingerhead?

In Detroit, he was tried
on charges of arson,

as*ault with a deadly weapon,
and second degree m*rder.

Phew.
Was he ever convicted?

Contempt of court. Well, good luck,
Dolenz, and good hunting.

Baby Face, aren't you gonna give
your Ruby a great big kiss?

Not your ring.
I mean me.

Cool it, baby; my porcelain crowns.

Baby Face,
kiss me like you used to.

Mm! Well, I guess that's
the, uh, old Baby Face.

Ruby, I trust you. I trust you more than
anybody else in this whole rotten town.

What's the matter, Baby Face?

Can I trust you?

Sure.

I'm hot, Ruby. I gotta round up
the boys and pick up the ice.

Gee, I don't know, Baby Face.
Tony is top dog now,

and he may not want to
give you your split.

He'll give me my split. I got a
little book with names and dates in it.

It's in a locker down at the bus depot.
Here's the key.

Put it in a safe place.

I said a safe place, Ruby.

Where do I find Tony and the boys?

They're right behind you.

Came for my cut, Tony.

It's no good, Baby Face;
you're a has been.

No, Tony, I was a has been.
Now I'm an am is!

Take him!

Girl, you look
mighty good to me

And I know that
you've got to be

The kind of girl
I could love

You've got the
sweetest pair of eyes

And your kiss
would be paradise

The kind of girl
I could love

You do something
to my soul

That no one's ever done.

If you're looking for true love

Then let me be the one

Girl, deep in my soul I'm sure

And my heart has
no doubt that you're

The kind of girl I could love.

Girl, you look
mighty good to me

And I know that
you've got to be

The kind of girl
I could love

The kind of girl
I could love

The kind of girl
I could love

The kind of girl
I could love

Alright. You guys had enough?

You're the boss, Baby Face.

Alright, I'll meet you in
the back room. Get going.

When did you get out, Baby Face?

Busted out yesterday.
It was a clean break.

Didn't they spot you with
their search lights?

Nah, I fixed it so their
search lights was useless.

How did you do that?

Busted out in the daytime.

You know, Baby Face, there been
some changes since you've been away.

Change 'em back.

Don't worry;
I got plenty more.

We pick up the Dewitt
diamonds tomorrow night.

Right.

- Split 'em up.
- Right.

Then we go undercover.

Right.

I said, "Right".

You didn't say it fast enough, Tony.

It's all set. We make the
pick up tomorrow night.

Right.

Tony says, "Right".
Now I'm gonna go, uh,

get a few specialists to help us,

and we'll meet here tomorrow
night before the pickup.

Why don't we meet at the place?

Yeah, sure. The place.

You do remember the place we
stashed the ice, don't you, Baby Face?

Sure, I remember the place.

Heh. Know that place as well
as I know my own, uh, name.

Baby Face!

Yeah, Baby Face.
That's it! Ha ha!

Baby Face, right. That's my name.
And we meet here. Got it?

Got it?

There's something fishy going on here;

I think we better tail him.

Right.

Tony says, "Right".

Okay, it's all set then, captain;
you'll have those

two specialists there tomorrow
night at midnight to meet me. Okay.

Hey, man, what do you need police
specialists for? We'll go with you.

Yeah.

Hey, I can't take a chance
you guys getting hurt, you know.

I got myself into this,
I'm gonna get myself out, I hope.

I'm gonna go think about it.
Boy, that Tony is really a k*ller.

He's a dirty, sadistic rat, and he's
full of hate and malice and-hi, Tony.

I decided since you're hot,
we better pick up the stuff tonight.

Uh, I, uh, decided we were gonna
pick up the stuff tomorrow night,

and, uh, I, uh, what I say goes
'cause I'm the boss,

and there ain't anything you can
say or do that's gonna change that.

We pick it up tonight.

I'll get my coat.

You two the specialists?

Absolutely.

Eh, he doesn't answer. I just
wish there was some way of telling

that poor devil that the real
Baby Face just escaped from prison.

Baby Face, you're back.

Yeah, I busted out.

I know; you told me.

Huh?

Cool it, baby;
my porcelain crowns.

That's my old Baby Face.

Say, shouldn't you be out with
Tony picking up the diamonds?

Tony's picking up the diamonds?

Uh-huh.

But I thought-

Uh, cool it, Vince, baby, cool it.

There it is, the fireplace.

Yeah, yeah.
The fireplace.

Hey, that was sure brilliant,

hiding the loot in the same
room we stole it from, huh?

They'd never think of
looking for it here.

Ha! Really.
Now which stone was it?

Well, uh, all the stones
look alike to me.

Been in prison for a long time,
you, uh, forget kinda things.

Think, Baby Face, think.

I always think.

There is no need to worry;
Baby Face thinks of everything.

That's why he bought us
two specialists with him.

I did? I di-I did. Heh.
Specialists, yeah. I was thinking.

Furthermore, uh, we're gonna
take these few charges

here and set 'em around the
fireplace and then... boom!

Really go, and be a lot of
rubble and diamonds in a rubble,

and you don't have to
worry about stones.

Oh. Let's get out of here.

Oh, let's move on.

Wire, have a wire here.

Wire.

Bang-o!

Here I go, pulling it up
at the top there, buddy.

Wing it around here and
drop the, put the charges,

and we'll just blow
everything up. A hiccup.

Okay. I'm gonna
stand outside here.

This is for you, Dale.

Have us a little fun time here.
Set this up. Gotta be careful.

Don't want it to go off. We'll pick them
diamonds right out of the rubble.

I think we did rather
well for ourselves.

Baby Face, these experts
of yours stink.

Here, Vince, better take that
fireplace apart stone by stone.

Excuse me.

Uh, oh. Micky, you can-Hi!

Hi, I saw the lights on here,
and, uh, you, uh, you know,

the, uh, Dewitt's are abroad, and
there isn't supposed to be anybody here.

Yeah, oh, I know that.
I know that.

You know, every time I see a house with,
uh, with lights on,s and there's,

uh, not supposed to be anybody here,
it means one thing to me.

Yes, yes, mm-hm?

Got these tickets here for
the policeman's ball;

they're three bucks a piece
and twenty for the batch.

Yeah, I want a whole batch.

Oh, great. Hey,
I'm glad I got you in.

Thanks a lot.

Come on,
we don't have much time.

I got it! Here it is!

Get it out!

Yeah, there it is, Tony.

Baby Face!

Yeah, Tony.

Baby Face?

Hey, would you mind
keeping the door shut?

There's a draft in here. You! Uh.

You, uh, dirty, sneaky,
rotten lousy, vicious face.

Wait a minute. There's only one
Baby Face; the other guy's an impostor.

You guessed it, Tony.
There's your impostor.

He's a dirty, rotten liar.
I'm the real Baby Face;

I can prove it to you.
Just, uh,

ask me about some of the
jobs we pulled together.

Who drove the getaway car
on the Siemens Bank job?

Steve Blauner.

Steve Blauner.

What was the one thing Steve did wrong
when he drove away the getaway car?

Hit a cop.

Hey, that was in the papers!

He's got you there, Micky.

- Oh!
- Micky!

Well, you got the situation under control.
Okay, get these jokers outta here.

The Avengers..

Well, boys, you did a great job;
you recovered all the

loot for what was probably the
greatest jewel robbery in history.

Gosharooney!

And it's my pleasure to give you a
share of the jewels as your reward.

Wow!

I always wanted a necklace, man.
Look at that.

W-what am I gonna do with an earring?

So when the patrolman reported
in and said there were

people in the Dewitt house,
we thought we'd better take a look.

Oh, well, I'm glad you did.

Yeah, we got the whole g*ng,
and we got the loot.

Good.

There's only one loose end.

What?

Look, can't you recognize me?

I'm Micky Dolenz. He's nothing
but a dirty, lousy, rotten-

You stay there or I'll
punch you in the mouth.

You punch me in the mouth,
and I'll kick you in the head.

I'm the real Micky Dolenz.

I'm Micky Dolenz. Really, look,
he's not Micky Dolenz! He's not the-

Mary, Mary, where
you goin' to?

Mary, Mary, can I go too?

This one thing I will vow ya

I'd rather die than
to live without ya

Mary, Mary, where
you goin' to?

Mary, Mary, tell me truly

What did I do to
ake you leave me?

Whatever it was
I didn't mean to

You know I never
would try and hurt ya

Mary, Mary, where
you goin' to?

What more, Mary, can I do

To prove that my love
is truly yours?

I've done more now than
a clear-thinkin' man would do

Mary, Mary, it's not over

Where you go, I will follow

Till I win your love again

And walk beside you,
but until then

Mary, Mary,
where you goin' to?

Mary, Mary, where
you goin' to?

Mary, where you goin' to?

Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary,
Mary, where you goin' to?

- Hey, Davy.
- What?

You, uh, were gone altogether
from this episode.

You weren't in it.
Where were ya?

"Alias Micky Dolenz"?

Yeah.

Uh, I went to England. To, I-went to
England to my sister's wedding actually,

and, I, um, I missed it;
I was two days too soon.

You miss England a lot?

Uh, yeah, I do. I miss England,
but we're gonna, you know, I,

I was only home two months ago.

I'm going home again
for a couple of days.

So if I can keep doing that-

Peter!

That was Peter. That's, uh-You know,
I don't get homesick.

I've been traveling for six and a half
years now, since I was fourteen.

Hey, Davy, tell me more about the pressure
that builds up at the end of a day.

Well, everybody's tired,
and they get irritable,

you know, and everybody
starts getting mad,

and, you know, everybody
wants to go home, man.

It's a drag, sitting
here talking to you.

Okay, babe.
Good night, Davy!