01x14 - Dance, Monkee, Dance

[bunniefuu]

Hello?

Good morning. Hm hm! This is
your opportunity of a lifetime.

Yeah, you got a chance to win
a free lesson at America's

foremost dance emporium,
Renaldo's Dance Au Go Go.

Huh! Hey, how does
that grab you, sir?

That sounds like the
opportunity of a lifetime.

Oh, listen, you can win a
free dance lesson valued at

twelve dollars and ninety-eight
cents, and all you have

to do is answer one little question.
Are you ready?

Yeah.

Oh! Who was the eighth president
of the United States of America?

I'm afraid I don't know that.

Oh. Well, listen, uh,
the boss isn't around,

so I'll tell you what I do.
You seem like a nice Joe.

I'll give you a little
hint, alright?

Ha ha ha!

His name is President Van...

Johnson! Van Johnson! Van Johnson!
President Van Johnson!

No.

Van Heflin!

No, no, no!

Which is wrong? Van or Heflin?

Van is right, but
that's his last name.

Oh, Van is his last name.
Van... moving van! Moving van!

Oh, no!

Pickup truck!

Oh, please! Listen, I'll tell
you what I'll do.

I'll let you know his first name.
It's Martin.

Martin. Uh, Martin... Dean Martin!

Martin Van...

Martin Van Buren!
Martin Van Buren!

Right, right! Oh!

Oh!

Ee! Congratulations! You just won a free
dance lesson at Renaldo's Dance Au Go Go.

Now look, hon, all I
need is your name, alright?

Could you give me a hint?

Oh, honey, don't you
even know your name?

Oh, yes, it's Peter. A-ha! I'll be right
down for my free lesson. Goodbye.

Here we come, walkin'
down the street

We get the funniest looks
from every one we meet

Hey, hey, we're the Monkees,
and people say we monkey around

But we're too busy singing
to put anybody down

We're just tryin' to be friendly,
come and watch us sing and play

We're the young generation,
and we've got something to say

Hey, hey, we're the Monkees,
you never know where we'll be found

So you better get ready,
we may be comin' to your town

One, two, three, four.
Oh, you got a lot of style,

Mr. Tork. Never knew anyone who
could get so far in just one lesson.

I'm pushy.

Good morning, Mr. Tork.
My name is Renaldo.

Oh!

How did he do, Miss Buntwell?

Oh, simply wonderful. Another
few lessons, he'll be a real tiger.

Really?

Just sign here.

Uh, well, it was kind of fun,
and I do like Miss Buntwell.

Rrr-ruff! Ha ha ha.

You just made a decision that'll
change your entire life.

Now, we'll see you
tomorrow, tiger, a-ha.

Rrr.

Ha ha ha ha.
Sucker.

Oh, he seemed nice.

They're all nice, as long as they
sign that lifetime contract.

That kid'll be dancing
'til he's eighty.

One, two, three, four.
One, two...

What are you, what are you,
what are you doing?

I've enrolled in Renaldo's
dance course. One, two...

No, well, you didn't sign
anything I hope, no.

Just an informal agreement.

Well, let me see it. It says here,
"The party, at first part,"

which is you, "now
enrolls in series B."

See, I told you;
it's only the B series.

Whoa. For a minute, I thought
it might have been the A course.

Yeah.

Well, what's a B course?

It's the lifetime contract.

- Lifetime?
- What?

Yeah, and it's with
an option for renewal.

Two, three.
Did I do something wrong?

Ah, I'm afraid you did, old buddy.

Oh, well, we'll just
tear up the contract.

You can't tear up this contract;
it's a legal document.

Ah, come on. No court in the
world would convict me.

Order in the court, order in
the court, order in the court.

Alright, you may
examine the witness.

Yes, sir. Examine the witness.

Right away, sir. Examine,
examine, examine.

That's quite enough.

Is this your signature?

Yes, sir.

A-ha! Then you did
sign the contract.

What do I know?
I'm just a kid.

Are you in the habit
of breaking contracts?

I object, Your Honor. Ooh!

Don't do that.

Do you or do you not
recognize this man?

Is that a trick question?

I object, Your Honor!

Don't object so much;
you'll live longer.

Ha ha ha ha! Your witness.
Ha ha ha ha!

Now then. Ooh! What'd you do
that for? I didn't say anything.

Well, that's in case you do.

Now, Mr. Tork, tell the court,
in my own words,

the unhappiness this
contract has caused you.

Well, I-oh!

- You hit my defendant.
- Quiet in the court.

- Ooh!
- Quiet in the court.

I'm sorry, gentlemen. I find the defendant
guilty, guilty, guilty, guilty. Guilty!

Guilty? Guilty? Guilty?

Oh, you're so guilty, guilty, guilty.

You know, we can't let Peter
dance his way to the poorhouse.

Got it, Pete. I'll get
you out of this yet.

Mick...

I must talk to him now.

Hello, I'm George Michael Dolenz,
Peter Tork's solicitor.

Oh, yes. Shows a lot of
promise, lot of promise.

Well, my client is an eccentric
playboy, you see,

and he has a strange affliction
called ballpointitis.

Ah, ha ha.

It's a need to sign
long-term contracts.

Well, this one is binding.

Oh. Well, loopholes.

There aren't any.

This is out-outrageous. Fine.
You mean to tell me

that if I took this contract,
and I signed it here-

And there.

and there, that I would be forced
to take your dance class for life?

Right, councilor. Welcome to Renaldo's
Dance Au Go Go.

Ha ha ha.

One, two, three... ouch! Oh, Micky,
it's not one, two, four, three.

I'm sorry, man. I got this hang up
with my feet. I don't know.

Well, I see now you can't
send a boy to do a man's boj,

uh, uh, job, uh, badge. Uh,
you can't boj a boy to send a job...

One, two. You're doing better,
Micky, but let me lead.

Alright. I got this hang up
with my hands too. One.

One.

Two, three, four, sit and kiss.

Now, you want to sign here?

Rrr. And down there. Rrr-ruff!

Oh, that's my tiger.

One, two, three, four, sit and kiss.

Oh, but the music has stopped?

Well, who needs music?

One, two... nuh, uh, one,
two, three, four, uh.

Yeah, not only did I sign a lifetime
contract, man, I enrolled for graduate work.

Mike, don't be depressed.

Yeah, I guess you're right. You know,
my three is getting better. Three.

Now, if we're going to get
out of Renaldo's grip,

we've got to have
somebody on the inside.

Three.

Hold it. I like the
way you move, kid.

Welcome to the staff of
Renaldo's Dance Au Go Go.

Oh. Thank you. Uh, I really
appreciate the faith you have in me,

sir, but I've never
taught dancing before.

Are all your instructors experienced?

Oh, they're all professional
teachers with at least,

uh, four years experience, heh.

I don't care if you don't
know how to walk.

In this business, the three
most important words are...

Just sign here.

That seems like a lot of money.

Now, now, now, money
isn't everything.

Money is everything.
Remember that.

When do I start?

Your first lesson's in the ballroom
in a half hour. I'll join you then.

Yes, sir.

Bye-bye now.

Buh-bye.

Hey, I got the job.

Fantastic, I'm sure.

Pardon me, miss. I believe
I'm this month's lucky winner.

Could I have your name please?

Martin Van Buren.

Well, this is the place.

Hey, that little guy
looks just like Davy.

It is Davy.

My first pupils. Come right in.
Come right in, gentlemen.

Ha ha ha. Gentlemen, this is
Mr. Jones, our prized teacher.

Been with us three years.
Well, I leave you in his

capable hands, or should
I say feet. A ha ha ha!

A ha ha ha.
You made it, Davy.

Congratulations.

Shh. Cool it; he might come back.
I've got to teach you guys to dance.

Um, now listen, gentlemen.
This is one of the newer dances.

Um, it goes something like this.
A one, a two, a three, a four.

A one, a two, a three, a four.

A one, a two, a three, four.
One, two, three, four.

Two, three. One, two, three, oh,
three, uh, uh, four, I mean fi-

One, two, three, four.

Girl, I know the grass is
greener just around the bend,

Got to say goodbye,
but don't you fear,

Though the road is dark and I
might fail to find the end,

I won't disappear.

I'll be back up on my feet,
I'll be back up on my feet,

Chase the morning sun to
find my one and only you,

I'll be back up on my feet,
I'll be back up on my feet,

Looking high and I'm looking low,

When I find my boots
I know I got to go.

I'll be back up on my feet,

Maybe I will be a star,
or maybe just a clown,

Girl, I'll never know until I try,

Maybe I will meet a girl
who'll try to keep me down,

But you don't have to cry.

I'll be back up on my feet,
I'll be back up on my feet,

Chase the morning sun to
find my one and only you,

I'll be back up on my feet,
I'll be back up on my feet,

Looking high and
I'm looking low,

When I find my boots
I know I got to go.

I'll be back up on my feet,

Maybe I will meet a girl
who'll try to keep me down,

But you don't have to cry.

I'll be back up on my feet,
I'll be back up on my feet,

Chase the morning sun to
find my one and only you,

I'll be back up on my feet,
I'll be back up on my feet,

Looking high and
I'm looking low,

When I find my boots
I know I got to go.

When I find my boots
I know I got to go.

When I find my boots
I know I got to go.

- Boy, that was really great.
- Yeah, that was a lot of fun.

- We gonna do this every day?
- Do it all the time?

Are we gonna do this every lesson?

You must be joking; you know how much it
costs for those sets and costumes?

Yeah, that would... w-could I
help you out with a five star?

Boy, I got to tell you.
This dancing school thing

has really turned into
a drag, a stone drag.

How long can we keep this up?

Wait!

What? What is it?

A brilliant idea.

Well?

That's what we need:
a brilliant idea.

Where are we going to get that?

I've got it.

Got to talk to the writers.

Hi, fellas. Listen, uh, we
need an idea for the show, you know.

Got to be something fast and
groovy and hip and everything, you know.

Can you do it?

[mumbling] Yeah, this'll do.
Thanks, fellas. Bye.

Man, this is terrible; those
guys are really overpaid.

Just relax, fellas.
I've got a fantastic idea.

Listen to this: "Find love and adventure
at Renaldo's Dance Au Go Go."

Now, tomorrow, the place is
going to be loaded with suckers.

- All day.
- Huh?

All-day suckers.

Little joke, about that big.

No. Anyway, this is
what we're gonna do.

Uh-uh. No, I'm sorry;
Martin Van Buren is wrong.

Ah, there's quite a crowd of new
applicants assembled in the ballroom.

Renaldo will be along soon.
Give 'em a pep talk and sign 'em up.

Uh, Miss Buntwell, where you going?

Well, I was going to go in there and
stay with them to keep 'em from cooling off.

Oh, but you can't. You see, uh,
Mr. Nesmith here has got, uh,

something very important to tell you.

- Huh?
- Tell her.

Oh, yeah, it's very important.

Well, what about the new applicants?

Oh, uh, don't worry. I'll
look after them. Don't worry.

Oh.

Just keep her here, man.

Well, alright. What is it?

Miss Buntwell. You were
right about dancing.

It's, it's changed my whole life,
and, and I can tell you now,

my heart wants you,
and my soul wants you.

What do you hear from your liver?

Not a whole lot, heh heh.

Good morning, ladies. Good morning.
Good morning. How are you?

Isn't he cute?

Hello, and welcome to
Renaldo's Dance Au Go Go.

Ahh!

The only dance school in town where
we're patient with your mistakes.

Sorry. I'm sorry. I'll be good.
I'll really try.

You don't learn that step by tomorrow,
lady, and you'll regret it.

Now look, kiddo, I don't
know what your hang-up is.

I gotta get in there
with those new applicants.

Oh, how can you talk about
applicants, Miss Buntwell,

when my heart is burning?

You don't realize it,
but I can't sleep at night,

I can't eat, I can't drink.

Why not?

'Cause I don't have no money.

Oh.

Remember, Renaldo's is
the only dance school

in town where you learn
all the latest steps. Ooh!

[grunting] Boonga, boonga, uh.

Good dance, uh. Ah!

Miss Buntwell, Miss Buntwell,
Miss Buntwell,

Miss Buntwell. I can't fight it,
I can't fight it.

It's i-it's like chemistry.

I failed chemistry.

I can't fight it, I can't fight it.
It's like biology?

I passed biology.

Oh, that's good.

And another thing. All you ladies
will find it a pleasure

to dance with our instructors,
'cause they're all perfect gentlemen.

Ah! Mister, mister!

Give me a kiss, give me a little kiss,
baby, you know I, come on, baby.

Get away, get away, get away!
Oh, get away! Get away!

Oh, he's terrible! He's terrible!
Get away, he's terrible.

Oh, mister! Help! Oh, get away!
Help, help, help!

Horrible, horrible.

Oh, but, Miss Buntwell.
You don't understand.

Without you, my life is a vast,
it's a vast desert. I can't-

Good morning. What's, what's going
on here? Why aren't you with the,

with the, with the new applicants?

Ha ha ha. Get down from
there. Get, get down.

Oh!

Right this way, ladies. Right this way out.
Yes, no crowding please.

Right this way. Right this way.

Hold it, hold it, ladies. A-ha.

Get the Dancing Smoothies ready;
it's an emergency.

Good morning, ladies.
Looking wonderful group.

We'll have a nice day for
dancing, aren't we?

And we are going to enjoy
ourselves thoroughly.

What's going on, Jones?

Oh, well, you-I was just giving
the ladies a pep talk, you know.

I bet you were. You can get
out now; I'll take over.

Good morning, ladies. I am Renaldo.
I hope you enjoyed Davy's little joke.

Now we shall demonstrate how the Renaldo

dance studio is devoted
to your fun and pleasure.

In a moment, our Dancing Smoothies,
all former students,

will show you how easy it is to
widen your world with dancing.

But first, let me say...

Smoothies? Now listen,
get ready, fellas.

When I give the signal, you come on
strong and dance with the ladies.

Have no fear; the Smoothies are here.

Well, look, just wait for
my signal, alright?

[mumbling] Rhubarb, rhubarb.
Saba soben.

Gosharooney. Gee, they're real
dancing teachers, honest-to-goodness ones.

Ooh, hey, are you-hey, are you guys
really the Dancing Smoothies?

That's right. We know every
dance in the book.

Do you know the magoomba?

No, how does that go?

Well, first you raise your left arm
and then you raise your right arm. Okay.

This is a stick-up.

And now, ladies, the moment
you've been waiting for:

your free introductory dance lesson
with Renaldo's Dancing Smoothies.

I thought love was only
true in fairytales

Meant for someone
else but not for me

Love was out to get me

That's the way it seemed

Disappointment haunted
all my dreams

Then I saw her face,
now I'm a believer

Not a trace of
doubt in my mind

I'm in love, I'm a believer

I couldn't leave her if I tried

I thought love was more
or less a givin' thing

Seems the more I
gave the less I got

What's the use in trying?
All you get is pain

When I needed
sunshine I got rain

Then I saw her face,
now I'm a believer

Not a trace of
doubt in my mind

I'm in love,
I'm a believer

I couldn't leave her if I tried

Love was out to get me

That's the way it seemed

Disappointment haunted
all my dreams

Then I saw her face,
now I'm a believer

Not a trace of
doubt in my mind

I'm in love,
I'm a believer

I couldn't leave her if I tried

Yes I saw her face,
now I'm a believer

Not a trace of
doubt in my mind

Said I'm a believer,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

I'm a believer

- I'm a believer
- I'm a believer

Come in.
Oh no. No, no!

One, two, cha-cha-cha.

I don't need you.
I got all the friends I need.

I don't need any new friends. Fellas,
stop, stop it. Out, fellas!

Hi, Mr. Renaldo. Hi, Mr. Renaldo.
Showed up for our first lesson.

Your dance lesson? You drove away
all my new pupils. Now get out!

Ah, but we got contracts.
Contacts, oh.

Forget the contracts.
See? I'm tearing 'em up.

Ah! Wait a minute, Renaldo.
These contracts are legal,

and we're going to keep you to them.

Yeah. We're going to
show up for every lesson,

every day of the week.
Uh, unless, of course...

Unless, of course, what?

Well, unless, of course,
you tear up all those other

lifetime contracts you got.

Okay, okay, okay.

Oh!

Cha-cha-cha! Da da da.

Tearing up con-look at that. Oh.

Hold it, hold it, hold it.
Hey, hey, wait a minute,

wait a, wait a. Hey, really, really,
wait a minute. Is that all?

That's all. Okay, let's go.

Bye. Cha-cha-cha!

What do you want?

Could you show me how to do
the box step again?