01x06 - Success Story

[bunniefuu]

Why am I the dummy
The dummy should be the dummy.

They're his cards.
Don't antagonize him.

What do you have to say
about that, Mr. Schneider?

It's a shame to
waste youth on children.

Alright. Which one of these
bums gets this telegram?

Oh, oh, fellas, I'd like you
to meet the general.

I ain't no general.

At ease.

What's the matter.
Doesn't he say nothing?

No, that's Mr. Schneider.
He's our advisor.

Which one of you
guys is Davy Jones?

Monkees: I am.

I got a warrant to collect.

Monkees: He is.

I'll take it.

Eh, eh. A buck eighty.

Well, Mr. Schneider will pay for it because
he's the only one with uh... working.

Well, what ya say?

Oh no! My grandfather. He's arriving
from England a six o'clock tonight.

Well, why so down? I heard your
grandfather was a groovy guy?

He is. He's the greatest in the world.
But, why I don't want to see him.

Well, that makes sense.

You don't understand.
I wrote him. I told 'em that...

You told him what?

He wrote me that he's a big star now.
Really quite wealthy.

Of course, you understand I
didn't want him to go to America,

but things seemed to have
worked out very well for him.

Well George, see you
when I get back. Ta, ta.

You didn't tell him that?

What are we gonna do?

What do you mean, what are we gonna do?

It's your problem.

If he finds out I'm not a success,
he's gonna take me back to England.

I'll have to leave the group.

That's what I said.
What are we gonna do?

Schneider, Schneider, give me
the money will ya? A buck eighty.

You think we got troubles.

Schneider!
Come on, can't you hear?

Schneider, a buck eighty,
a buck eighty, a buck eighty.

Here we come
Walkin' down the street

We get the funniest looks from
Everyone we meet

Hey, hey, we're the Monkees
And people say we monkey around

But we're too busy singing
To put anybody down

We're just tryin' to be friendly
Come and watch us sing and play

We're the young generation
And we've got something to say

Hey, hey, we're the Monkees
You never know where we'll be found

So you be get ready
We may be coming to your town

You know, but man, why did
you have to tell him you were rich?

You see, success is
very important to him.

He practically raised me.
He sent me to school and all that.

When he finds out I haven't made it,
it's going to break his heart.

What am I gonna do?

Uh, I don't know.
We can't make you a millionaire.

No, but we can sure
make you look like one.

Young man!

Sir, I've just been examining your car.
Do you drive it often?

Don't drive it. Just polish it.

Oh sir.
Rolls are just like a champion athlete.

You've got to keep it in shape.

My car's in perfect condition.

Oh really.

Well, maybe he was right.
I better get someone to exercise her.

Monkee Car...
at your service.

You make a good spaghetti, huh?

Oh man, you wouldn't believe
the kind of spaghetti I make.

Good, good.
Come on. Come on.

I thought you said you
could make spaghetti?

Well, I didn't say that. I just said
that, uh, you wouldn't believe it.

Come on Schneider, pay up.

He still owes me a buck eighty.

Look, you want to get your money back.

I'll show you how. You be me. I'll be you.

Right, we'll change clothes.

Okay, watch this.

Okay Schneider, up with the dough.

Here you are my good man.

Ice cream!
Get your ice cream right here.

You want vanilla?

You want chocolate?

Pistachio?

How about Tutti Frutti?

Hey, that's all I got, unless you
want the shirt off my back.

Ice cream, ice cream ice cream!
Get your ice cream right here.

Inspection time.

Micky, as my chauffeur, how would you
help a lady into the back seat of a car?

As quick as I can.

Mike, as my personal chef,
what will be your three main dishes?

Well, we'll start off with

vichy swats, and chateau brienne,

...and then we go into chocolate mouse.

You can't cook those dishes.

Yeah, I know. I can't say 'em either.

Peter, as my devoted houseboy,
what will be your main function?

I am born to serve my master
and live only to perform his bidding.

Right. Now get me my comb.

Get it yourself.

Dolenz, prepare the car.

Yes sir.

Well, you look very well, I must say.

You seem to be thriving
out here in the colonies.

Yes, I have been rather fortunate.

- Hey, are you Davy Jones?
- Yes

My public.

- Can I have your autograph?
- Yes you can.

Mr. Jones, I just want to tell you my
family sleeps a little better every night...

...knowing that you are out there singing.
You're a great person.

Thank you

- It's wonderful to have you...
- Thank you.

- Peter's next.
- Okay.

- Peter.
- Go on.

Hold it Mr. Jones.

Smile please.

Thank you.

Notice how people keep asking
that boy for his autograph?

And taking pictures?

He must be a celebrity.

- Mike's coming back in another disguise.
- Okay.

Come on.

Excuse me. I'm one of your biggest fans.
Sign this whoever you are.

- You look great.
- You don't look so bad yourself.

- Fantastic.
- Watch your hands sonny.

What a performance.

Look, I don't want a review.
Just an autograph.

You are too much.

Well Davy, she's not a young lady.

You're no chicken yourself Charlie.

Can I have your, can I have
your autograph, uh, Davy?

Sir, the car's waiting.

Dinner is served.

- Take care of the bags Dolenz.
- Yes sir.

Oh, this looks very nice.

Yes, my staff is rather good.
Would you like to sit down?

Thanks very much.

Oh, that looks very good.

Oh, merci Señor.

Listen...

Just serve it my good man. I'm starved.
That will be all. Thank you very much.

Mm, my, that's delicious.

We could only afford one serving.
Yours is rubber.

But I'll starve!

- Is the fruit rubber?
- No.

It's plastic.

Well, that was a wonderful meal.

I'm so hungry, I could eat a horse.

Well, why didn't you say so?

Well, I must say, it's a pleasure
to see you so affluent...

...with a chef, chauffeur, and houseboy,
and a quiet beach side home.

Well, if money can't buy you peace
and privacy, what good is it?

Hi Davy, I just came over to
borrow some hot dogs. Hi fellas.

Of course, I wouldn't want to much privacy.

Boy, your cupboard is even barer than mine.

Davy...
[ Knock on door ]

Hey Goldilocks, give me my suit.

Who's this?

Uh, he's just some nut trying
to start a nudist colony.

Someone knock sir?
[ Knock on door ]

- Get it.
- Gotta be polite.

I've come about my Rolls.

Uh, the bakery's next door.

I want my Rolls!

I want my Rolls!

The rolls are rubber.

[Indecipherable arguing]

What is going on here?

[ Knock on door ]

Hey you!

Just because you make a bad spaghetti,
doesn't mean you keep a the uniform.

Come on, take off.

I thought you said he
was your private chef?

Uh, well, I stole him from
a fine Italian restaurant.

[Knock on door]

Hey you, I want my jacket back.

Can you give me my jacket please?
I want my jacket.

Hey, come on. Somebody's
gotta sign for this.

Well, it's better than nothing.

Hey you, you gonna sign for this wire?

Somebody's gotta sign for this wire.

He's just an electrician.

I thought you said he was a nudist?

You know anything about my car?

No, he doesn't know anything about anything.

Come on, I'll show you my garage.

What's so special about your garage?

Come here young fella. You might be a minor,

but I'll find your parent
or guardian and sue him.

- Excuse me.
- Later.

We'll find the responsible adult
and drag him into court.

Will you excuse me?

Get away from me old man.

You're gonna be in big trouble.

I'm the boy's guardian.

You're in big trouble.

Quiet!

Now, you'll all be taken care of.

Now, are there any other
bills you haven't paid?

No sir.

Will you be quiet!?

Uh, except maybe that one.

You have grossly
deceived me young man.

I'm going back to England and
I'm taking you with me.

You should have been honest with me.

I thought we knew each other better.

You're right. I'm sorry.

Alright. Well, uh, shouldn't you
better go and get dressed?

I mean the plane leaves in about two hours.

Alright. I'm just going for
a walk on the beach.

Alright.

You wanna know something?

Davy did this whole thing for you.

I mean, he just wanted
you to be proud of him.

He wanted you to think he was a success.

Davy needs a family. He can't
just go on frittering his life away.

Oh man, be honest. It's you.

You're not thinking of Davy at all.

You want him back because you miss him.

You want him back because you need him.

No, that's not true.
I have a duty to guide him.

Sure.

[ Music ]

I wanna be free
Like the bluebirds flying by me

Like the waves out on the blue sea

If your love has to tie me,

don't try me Say good-bye

I wanna be free

Don't say you love me say you like me

But when I need you beside me

Stay close enough to guide me,

confide in me Woah-oh

I wanna hold your hand

Walk along the sand

Laughing in the sun
Always having fun

Doing all those things

Without any strings
To tie me down

I wanna be free,

Like the warm September wind, babe

Say you'll always be my friend, babe

We can make it to the end, babe

Again, babe, I gotta say

I wanna be free

I wanna be free

Well fellas, the cab's waiting.

I have to go.

I hate goodbyes.

Okay, welcome to America Davy.

Goodbye Mike.

Uh, be good.

That's in case he changes
his mind on the plane.

Are you ready Davy?

Right. Sure.

It's gonna be good to see England again.

Goodbye fellas.

Flight number 12 is now boarding.

What's the matter Davy?

Nothing.

I'll meet you on the plane.

Well, he'll be okay.

Sure he will.

He'll probably be better off without us.

Oh look, this is ridiculous.

What time does the plane leave?

Less than an hour.

Well, well, he just may
never make that plane.

Take your bags sir?

Oh, alright.

Hey, just a minute.
Shouldn't they go in there?

You're going the wrong way.
They go in there.

Okay, yeah, yeah, here I go.
Here I go.

- Is this your luggage sir?
- Yes.

Wow, they seem to be
ten pounds underweight.

Oh, is underweight a problem?

Oh, yes, yes, because of starchy food,

potatoes, chocolate
milk, that sort of thing.

Well, you've forgotten this bag.

Now you seem to be ten pounds overweight.

Don't worry, I'll fix that.

Yes, here we are.

We'll take care of that
right away for you sir.

- Now you see...
- But I need all those things.

Oh dear me, of course,
how stupid of me.

Here take those. Not enough
room in here. Some of those.

Now you take those on the plane and
don't let the stewardess see you.

Passengers for London Airport.

Hey, I've got to go.

No, one minute sir.
You haven't selected your seat.

Yes sir. Do you have any preferences?

Say no, no, anywhere.

Well, I'll give you 10A.
That's over the wing.

Fine.

Of course a lot of people would
rather sit inside the plane. Ha, ha, ha.

Well, while I wait,
what gate do I go to?

Well okay, of course sir,
yes, your tickets in there.

It's Gate 12 at four o'clock.
The plane's leaving at Gate 3.

Ah man, that's my mistake sir, it's Gate 4.

Now, they tell me it's Gate 9 at nine.

It's Gate 4 at six o'clock on... 12th.

... That's Gate 7.
[indecipherable babble]

Uh, uh, that answers
my question nicely. Thank you.

Wait. Tickets! Your tickets.
You need them to board.

Don't fly. Don't fly.

Don't fly. Don't fly. If you get too
close to the sun, your wings will melt.

Tickets! Your tickets sir,
your tickets, your tickets!

Hi, a lift to your plane sir?

- Oh yeah.
- Where are you going?

- London, England.
- Aye, we'll take the freeway.

Where have you been?

I thought you missed the plane.

Uh, young men, step over here, will ya?

Oh, uh, I'm not missing the plane Davy.

But you will.

Uh, you lads set the aircraft
industry back a generation.

These disguises didn't work, huh?

Davy, you've got three loyal friends here.

I know I could leave
you safely in their hands.

You're going to have a
long and lonely trip back.

Oh, not necessarily.

That's my grandson. That's his staff.
His quite a star, you know.

Oh, he's doing very well.
Yes, he drives a Rolls.

Can we go now?

Well, I'm sure glad your
grandfather got away okay.

My grandfather? I thought it
was your grandfather.

My grandfather? I thought
it was Davy's grandfather.

He was my grandfather,
and he's a groovy guy.

You know, after doing all those
things to try to impress him,

...the only thing we should
have done was play for him.

[ Music ]

I know that something very strange
Has happened to my brain

I'm either feeling very good
Or else I am insane

The seeds of doubt you've planted
Have started to grow wild

And I feel that I must yield before
The wisdom of a child

And it's love you bring
No that I can't deny

With your wings,
I can learn to fly

Sweet young thing
[Sweet young thing]

People try to talk to me
Their words are ugly sounds

But I resist all their attempts
To try and bring me down

Turned on to the sunset
Like I've never been before

How I listen for your footsteps
And your knock upon the door

And it's love you bring
No that I can't deny

With your wings, I can learn to fly
Sweet young thing

[ Music ]

And it's love you bring
With dreams of bluer skies

And all these things,
when I see it in your eyes

Sweet young thing

Sweet young thing

Alright. Hey Davy, come
and sit down for a second.

What were you doing
running across the stage?

Well, I thought, uh, well, I just,

to tell you the truth,
I went to the bathroom.

Davy?

What?

Wait a minute fellas.

There's a good chance that this
show might be shown in England.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Where? Since when?

I don't know when it'll be shown
there, but, you know, can ya...

Peter: 1973

Well, uh, in my opinion,
my father would love that.

What does he do?

Um, he's a lay about.

He lives off my money. No.

No, I just, uh, I just um...
he doesn't do anything.

He's been very ill, ya know, sick.

A few weeks ago, uh, when we, uh,
just before we started the sh**t,

...you went back home.

Yeah, I went ta...

Well, tell me what that was like,
ya know, seeing your family and all.

Oh man, that was the funniest.
You couldn't believe it.

I went home and my sister and her

boyfriend were waiting
for me at the airport.

Where is this?

In Manchester.

And I came down to the uh,
you know, the ramp from the plane.

And my hair was on my shoulders.

You think it's long now,
it was on my shoulders.

And I could hear my sister
talking, and she says uh,

...'That's him. No that's a girl.
No, that's a girl, you see'.

I have a baby face so
they thought was a girl.

Listen to the Dolenz kid over there.

Anyway...

I'll do my impression of Davy Jones.
Ga-ga, goo-goo.

On the plane, they were saying,
'After you miss'.

Right, and you were kicking 'em.

No, I was saying,
'Thank you very much sir'.

Whew!

Did you see your, your father?

I went home to the house with my sister,
and they went in first.

And I knocked on the door.

And he says, 'Hello?'. I said,
'David, I've come from America'.

He said, 'You're not my son'.

I said, 'What? I come three thousand miles'.
He said, 'Go and get your hair cut'.

I said, 'Come on.
You must be joking'.

So, I went around to get my
hair cut and I had it short,

a little shorter than it is now.

He sent me back again to get it
cut before he let me in the house.

So I fixed him this time.
I bought him a house.

Now he can't turn me away.

Right. Did you put it in
your name or his name?

My name.

Good.

Hey Micky.

That's another little funny
episode in the life of Davy Jones.

Tune in next week ladies and gentlemen
when we're another minute short.