02x21 - Monkees Race Again

[bunniefuu]

Hey, Peter, will you
come give me a shove?

Oh, yeah, Michael, sure, fella.

Hello? It's for you.

Oh. Thank you.

Hello? Yeah.

Um, yeah, yeah.
I understand. I understand.

Alright. Goodbye.

That was, uh, T.N. Crumpets.

Who's he?

Uh, well, he's a friend of my
grandfather's, and he's been winning

all the auto racing trophies there
is to be won in the world.

That's not bad.

He just said that he needs
our help desperately, and-

Why call on us, man?
We haven't won an award in years.

Could we get over
there, do ya think?

Yeah, sure. We'll help him.
Give me the phone.

Start her up.

- What? He-
- Woo!

Here we come
Walkin' down the street

We get the funniest looks from
Ev'ry one we meet

Hey, hey, we're the Monkees
And people say we monkey around

But we're too busy singing
To put anybody down

We're just tryin' to be friendly
Come and watch us sing and play

We're the young generation
And we've got something to say

Hey, hey, we're the Monkees
You never know where we'll be found

So you better get ready,

We may be comin' to your town

The Monkees brought
to you by Kellogg's

K-E double L, O double good,

Kellogg's best to you

Oh, wow!
Look at that car!

Wow, man!

- That's a real live automobile.
- Machine 54

That's alright.

T.N. Crumpets.

You must be Davy Jones.

That's right, yes. Hello,
pleased to meet you, sir.

My grandfather talked
of you many times.

Yes.

Uh, you have some trouble
with the car here?

Yes, well, you see, I fear some absolute
rotter is sabotaging my vehicle.

Yes, but are you having some
trouble with your car?

Oh, yes, yes. I mean, take
a look for yourself.

Sure, I'm with-I'm for that. Yeah.

We'll take a look under the thing.

Yeah, here, let's find out
what's under the-

Ah!

I'll bet that was the
work of saboteurs.

No, my mechanic does that all the time.

Certainly no improvement.

- Alright now. Hm?
- Ja.

- Again.
- Ja, ja.

Try it a second time.

What's the problem now?

- Same old problem.
- What's that?

The car shtinks.

Down, periscope!

Ha ha ha! Ah!

Memories, memories!

Even the periscope can't forget.

What is it, mein Herr?

Those young boys.

What are they up to?

Those are the strangest
techniques I have ever seen.

- Here, look.
- I can't.

- Why not?
- You're shtanding on my foot.

Dummkopf.

Oh, it must be a trick, mein Herr.

Who would be so stupid as to
treat a-a machine this way?

Up, periscope! Ah, ah!
Ooh. Ha ha ha ha.

They may think they have the upper
hand now. We must think of a plan.

'Tis a big problem. Well.

Eeins zwei drei vier.
Eeins zwei drei vier.

Eeins zwei drei vier.
Eeins zwei drei vier. Halt!

- Halt!
- Up!

- Up! Up!
- Down!

- Down!
- Sit!

- Sit!
- Up!

- Up!
- To the right!

- To the right!
- To the left!

- Left!
- Down!

- Down!
- Present arms!

The thing to do is to not let
on like anything's wrong.

- You stay here while I go over there.
- What are you waiting for?

You're standing on my foot!

- Oh.
- Heh heh heh heh. A-ha.

Cough, please. Again.

So, Crumpets, I see you're
having some trouble with your car.

I see you're having some
trouble with your accent.

Not having trouble with the car.
The car's fine.

So, why is your engine all
blown up to smithereens?

Uh-

Because it makes it lighter, you see.

Lighter. Lighter.

It makes it lighter, and it's
easier to race with, you know.

- Goes... faster.
- Watch this.

Oh dear. Oh-

You take this, you blow it up,
and you take 'em off, and you-

Don't take that-

It's, uh, excess, you see.

Oh dear.

Ah, beautiful. Thank you.

Well, how is it, Yankee?

The car's in perfect tune.

- No, it isn't.
- Yes, it is.

- No, it isn't.
- Yes, it is.

- No, it isn't.
- Yes, it is.

- No, it isn't.
- Yes, it is.

No, it isn't.

I'll show you. B-flat.

Enough of your musical wisecracks.

Hm hm! Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

We'll see you at the race
tomorrow, Crumpets. Otto, go!

I can't.

Why not?

You're standing on my foot.

Eeins zwei drei vier.
Eeins zwei drei vier.

Eeins zwei drei vier.
Eeins zwei drei vier.

Well, we really fooled him.

There's only one problem, you know.

How we're gonna get the
engine back together.

I was just gonna say that.
That's the problem.

- That's an excellent-
- Glue?

Okay, try it.

Dear.

Well, it, uh, sure sounds
better, Micky.

Yeah. Oh, darn!

Oh, whacko, chaps.

- Marvelous!
- That's grand.

You know, she's running
better than ever.

- Yeah.
- Yes.

Jolly good show, you know.
Let's all celebrate. Carruthers? The tea.

- What's that?
- It's a drink.

No, I didn't mean that.
Forget it.

Wolfgang, we must take sterner measures.

Yeah, we should hit them and kick them.

No. A fixed car is no use
without anyone to drive it.

We shall kidnap Crumpets
and the musical mechanic.

I say, Peter, would you care
for another spot of tea?

No, thanks. I have several
spots already. A-ha!

Ah ha ha.

Carruthers, spray away.

What's that?

It's for atmosphere.
Genuine London mist spray.

Also comes in roll-on, of course.

Smells like Liverpool to me.

That's terrible. It's more
like Manchester.

That's L.A. smog.

Uh, it sure-eh, bleh,
oh yeah, eh, eh, bleh.

For goodness sake, I can't hear
what you're saying! Take your mask off!

I said, I can't breathe with a mask on.

Dummkopf! Quick!
Some fresh air.

Eeins zwei drei vier.
Eeins zwei drei vier.

Eeins zwei drei vier.
Eeins zwei drei vier.

Over here.

I suppose you're wondering
why we brought you here.

Ah, let's see. How about you're
gonna award me the Blue Max?

- Tell him to shut up.
- Shut up.

I think you will be more willing
to cooperate if you hear my plan.

Okay.

If I win the race tomorrow,
the name Klutzmobile

will be on the lips of every
car buyer in the stadium.

They will tell their friends,
and by tomorrow night,

the name Klutzmobile
will be known throughout

this country, and tomorrow, the world!

Sieg Heil!

I tell you, Baron, this boy's
not a mechanic.

Now that's enough out of you, gabby.

Well, I haven't said anything else.

What do you think this is?
Open end? Gag him.

There's enough gags in
this show already.

Brainwashing, solitary
confinement, starvation:

nothing you can do to me will make
me help you with your plan.

What about physical t*rture?

You've got yourself a mechanic.

Uh.

Oh.

Everything's foggy.
Where am I? Uh!

I'm sorry, gentlemen.
I made the tea the same as usual.

Hey!

We were doped up, is what we-ah!
I just noticed something.

- What?
- What?

Micky and Crumpets.

They're gone!

Well, Yankee, I think you'll be able to
analyze it better if you hear it. Start up.

I seem to have turned on the radio.

Dummkopf, there is no radio.

How about I seem to have turned
on the stereo tape deck?

No, and it isn't a stereo tape deck,
and it isn't a live band either.

This music is driving me crazy.

Wait a minute. I'll change it
to something else. Ah!

Hm. That's not bad.

For radio, it's not bad.
For a car, it shtinks.

Just because it's different,
you can't accept it!

Mein Herr, look, quick!

Look! It's those boys. They're
headed right towards us! Ah!

Before I take the gag off,
do I have your word

as a gentleman that
you will not cry out?

Help, help, help, help, save me,
anybody, help, save me!

Why did you do that?
I trusted you.

When the chips are down, you
can't trust anybody these days.

Hello, is anybody-

Get rid of them.

Ja.

Oh, look! I think this looks
like Micky's tuning fork.

Halt! Und stop. Nobody is
allowed in here unless they are

authorized Klutzmobile personnel.
Do you undershtand?

Oh, yes.

To be in here, you have
got to be a Klutz.

But wait! This is Micky's
tuning fork. It's a B-flat.

Nein, that's-that's my tuning
fork, and that's a A.

It's a B-flat, Pete.
You're right.

Yep.

No, you're all wrong. It is mine

- B-flat.
- It is an A.

No, it can't be. Let me see this.
You're right. It's an A.

- It's a B-flat.
- It's a B-flat.

I'm joking. I'm joking. It says
right here that it's a B-flat.

That's right.

That's the name of the
manufacturer. No.

B-flat. Definitely B-flat.

♪ La ♪

You know, your pitch is lousy,
but you have a pretty good voice;

if we don't find Micky, would
you like to join our group?

Well, I-I never thought much of-achtung!
You have got to leave the premises.

Yeah, but that's-I'm sure
Micky and Crumpetts are here.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

Well, I've had enough of this.
I'm going in there,

man, and I'm gonna see.
Nothing can stop me.

That's-we're with you, baby.

Ha ha. Well, it's amazing how
someone can change their mind. Ha ha.

Now hold it. Hold it.
Before this scene

goes any farther, man.
What is this g*n thing?

Well, now, now, just a minute,

we gotta have the g*n.
After all, it's a prop.

- That's horrible, man.
- Put that away.

It's bad enough that you're with
a uniform and everything.

And all the g*ns on
television and everything.

It's bad enough we have a tuning fork.

There's nothing wrong with a g*n.

I thought I told you to get rid of them.

Ja, but you didn't tell them.

What do you want, boys?

- Nothing!
- Nothing.

We were just leaving.
We walked in here-

- Yeah. We're gonna, uh-
- We were going to the, uh-

- Auf Wiedersehen.
- Bye.

Auf Wiedersehen.

No reason for us to be around here.

We'll leave this place to you Klutzes.
Ha ha ha ha.

Herr Baron, they are suspicious.

What does it matter, as long as
they don't know where the evidence is?

By the way, mein Herr,
where is the evidence?

- Ha ha! Follow me.
- Ja.

- Fall in.
- Ja.

Eeins zwei drei vier.
Eeins zwei drei vier.

Eeins zwei drei vier.
Eeins zwei drei vier.

How clever, baron.
You know, I was just thinking,

maybe we could trade these two to
the Yankees; we'll get Wernher back.

No, not a chance. Yankees
haven't made a good

trade since they won the
pennant in sixty-four.

Wolfgang, we will not
trade them to anyone.

We will keep these hostages as
long as they may be useful to us,

and then, when the race begins,
and we no longer need them...

Ja?

They will be disposed of.

Well, here we are with a car all finished-

This is a car.

And nobody to drive it.

- Hey, now wait a minute.
- What do you mean, wait a min-

- I'm a British subject.
- You?

So, if I'm a British subject,
maybe the racing

commission'll allow me to drive the car.

Well, it's alright with me
except for one thing.

Yeah, what's that?

I don't think he'll be able
to see over the wheel.

Well, uh, how's that?

I think I'm a little high.

Yeah-oh. There.
Okay. I got it.

I'll take out from Aaron to, uh,
to Ted-Ted Braverman, I guess.

Let's try it. Okay?
How's that?

Yeah, that's good.
That's great. That's terrific.

I'll tell you what, fellas. I'm off.

- Okay.
- Okay.

What have you done?
You have ruined my engine!

No, no, no. Nonsense,
I haven't ruined your engine at all.

Anything that I take apart,
I can put back together.

Now do you have any
needle and thread?

Uh, how about some glue?

Have a, uh, some clay?

A band-aid?

Spit on my finger?

Mein Herr! Come quick! Look!

So! The English entry drives again.

What is all that racket?

He has been gagged for so long,
he cannot breathe.

I can't stand that noise.
Take the gag off him.

You'll never get away with this.

The first words out of your mouth,
and they're nasty. Gag him again!

Boy, you sure got a lousy part.

Wolfgang, we must get the
Klutzmobile running again.

I must think of a way.
I must think of a way. I think now.

Curse you, Red Baron!

Wolfgang, their car is running
perfectly! What shall we do?

Herr Baron, I have a wonderful
plan to get their engine.

I will announce on this loudspeaker
und call them up to the reviewing stand,

and then we will steal their engine.

An excellent plan, Wolfgang.
Only, I will do the announcing.

Why you?

Because they will recognize
you immediately from your accent.

Monkees.

Please come to the reviewing
stand immediately.

Ah! Ah! Ah!

That was very strange.
I can't

imagine what in the
world was that all about.

We'll just, uh, get the thing here and-

Yeah, we'll, uh, uh.
Hey, uh, Michael?

- Yeah?
- Something's missing.

Yeah, it's the car.
The car. The ca-

It's gone!

Und now, Herr Baron,
here is the spiegelwinder.

Danke. You know, Wolfgang, we
should've handled the engines earlier.

After all, we are the best
mechanics in the world.

Not to intrude, you blaggard,
but you're putting the engine in backwards.

Gag him!

You flew all the way to
Hollywood for this part?

I'm sorry, boys, but I just can't
let you in the race without a car.

Now just a minute.
I happen to be a very fast runner.

Ha ha ha.

Are you kidding?

Fast! Did you see that?
Man, that guy is fast.

Move. Move. Move.

I'm sorry, boys,
but you've gotta have a car.

A car?
But we've got a car.

Yeah-we do?

The Monkeemobile.

- Oh, right.
- The Monkeemobile!

I could race that!

A-ha ha!
See you later, shotgun.

In ten minutes, the starting
g*n will sound,

and exactly at that moment,
you will sh**t one of them,

and then at the end of the race,
when everyone is cheering,

no one will hear you when
you sh**t the other one.

Think, Wolfgang! In twenty
minutes we will be in our glory!

The Klutzmobile will be the most
famous car in history!

But for now, could you please
give me a little push?

Ladies and gentlemen, cars and drivers
are now on the starting grid.

Okay, now look, during the race,
while the Baron's out on the track,

Peter and I will go back to the garage
and look for Micky and Crumpets.

Okay, listen, what about the
other contestants?

There are no other contestants;
they have all been sabotaged.

Ha ha ha.

Gentlemen, start your engines.

Ten, nine...

No, no, wait. No, ten,
uh-after ten comes eleven.

Nein, nein, nein, nein.

No, not nine, nine. That's ninety-nine.
No, ten, eleven, twelve...

Alright. Alright. Ten, eleven...

- Right.
- Four...

- Four?
- Three...

- Three?
- Two...

Two?

- Okay, I-see?
- You see?

Oh, saved by The Monkees!

??? Achtung!

Just a loud mouth Yankee
I went down to Mexico

I didn't have much time to spend,
about a week or so

There I lightly took advantage
of a girl who loved me so

But I found myself a-thinkin'

when the time had come to go

What am I doin' hangin' 'round?

I should be on that train and gone

I should be ridin' on that
train to San Antone

What am I doin' hangin' 'round?

She took me to the garden
just for a little walk

I didn't know much Spanish and
there was no time for talk

Then she told me that she loved
me not with words but with a kiss

And like a fool I kept on thinkin'

of a train I could not miss

What am I doin' hangin' 'round?

should be on that train and gone

I should be ridin' on that
train to San Antone

What am I doin' hangin' 'round?

What am I doin' hangin' 'round?

I should be on that
train and gone

I should be ridin' on that
train to San Antone

What am I doin' hangin' 'round?

What am I doin' hangin' 'round?

In this generation
In this lovin' time

In this generation
We will make the world shine

We were born to love one another
This is somethin', we all need

We were born to love one another
We must be what we're goin' to be

And what we have to be, is free

Love is understandin'
We gotta be free

Love is understandin'
We gotta be free

We gotta be free

We gotta be free

We gotta be free