Addiction, The (1995)

[bunniefuu]

I see your vision in the darkness every time I close my eyes

I can feel the heat from your body it won't let me it won't let me sleep at night

I hear you whisper slow nice things

You're my addiction

I can't face the new day baby

until I receive your kiss

sunlight becomes my enemy

don't want my friends to see me like this

I need more and more

you're the sickness then the cure

you're my addiction

yes you are

It's the loneliness that keeps you

coming back again and again

The habit you know that is k*lling you it becomes your only friend

but you make me feel more alive then I've ever been

You're my sanctuary

Baby let me in, you're my addiction

Addiction

You're a shelter from the storm

You're my addiction

When I don't have a friend

You're a face without a name baby

It began in the early morning.

The American soldiers were under orders to

search and destroy enemy positions

They came upon the village at dawn.

What they did in that place later shocked the world.

The adminstration sensitive to world opinion

brought to trial the men responsible

and found them guilty. Justice though blind was served.

The conscience of a outraged society

was temporarily satisfied.

The whole country they were all guilty.

How can you single out one man?

You can't jail a whole country. You know.

They needed a scapegoat.

He was the unlucky one that got caught.

I don't think luck had anything to do with it.

I mean, how did he get over there?

Who put the g*n in his hand?

They say he was guilty of k*lling women and babies.

How many bombs where dropped

that did the exact same thing?

How many homes were destroyed?

Who's in jail for that?

What do you want me to say? The systems not perfect.

You know. People just wanted

to show that their disgust by what was happening.

and justifiably so, I mean..

I'm not saying it wasn't justifiable

I'm only saying that,

if you're going to prosecute w*r crimes

you better make sure that more than one man takes the blame

for everything, that's ridiculous

So where are you going?

I gotta meet my brother. Okay, I'm gonna go this way, see you later.

yeah

Nice night, yes

Look at me

and tell me to go away.

Don't ask tell me!

Please

Please don't hurt me

You think that's gonna stop me?

But please

f*ck' good

Collaborater

You wanna know what's gonna happen?

Just wait and see...

Okay lady, you left a description of the perp

after they sanitized the area.

If you see her again on the street just call 911.

if we happen to pick her up

Your're gonna have to come into the station house

to view a line-up.

Your're lucky she didn't cut your throat!

Oh my God

Aah f*ck

Yeah

One aspect of determinism

is manifested in the fact that the unsaved

don't recognize the sin in their lives.

Their unconscious of it.

They don't suffer pangs of conscience because

they don't recognize evil exists.

This is because their all pre-destined to hell

and therefore never brought to the light of metanoia

or conversion.

Which is a work of grace only in a believers life.

so when considering the salvatory aspect of facing guilt

suffering is a good thing

we should all hope to feel guilty

to feel pain and seek pardon

and ultimately freedom.

Guilt is a sign that God is working out your destiny

and it's a foolish person who refuses to acknowledge this.

Now in the case of the institutions,

if you look on page 36

Katherine, If we look on page 36

Hi Kathy, I'm your attending physician.

How do you feel? Well the test

do not indicate anything to serious and the

wound shows absolutely no infection.

The A*DS virus couldn't manifest itself so

quickly. If you're curious about?

What we really think is going on is that,

you probably have some chronic anemia

which has been exacerbated by

traumatic event. We're just gonna keep

you here for a few days.

build you up with fluids and iron should

be on your way in no time.

Any question?

and if you need help in the mean time, just

ring for the nurse okay.

Hi where have you been?

In the infirmary, I haven't been feeling well.

You're not kidding you don't look so good.

Did they give you something for it?

Medicine is just an extended metaphor for

omnipotence. They gave me antibiotics.

So why aren't you taking them?

What are you looking at? Huh, i didn't

mean to stare.

You all right? Yeah

Did you read the assignment for the

Cassidy seminar? Ya did you go through it?

through it?

They're all liars. Let them rot with

cancer. We'll see what they have to say about free will.

about free will. How can you eat and read

that stuff at the same time? What is with you?

You have to question the sanity of

bothering to a dissertation on these idiots.

Well it was either this or an EDD

it was are only other option.

Have you seen the exhibit? No. You wanna go?

Yeah, I'll meet you after class. Okay.

This is what the German's believed

let there be know mistake about it...did deliberately

and slowly the doctors, authors, lawyers,

musicians, to professional people of every kind.

I know clearly one half the truth that

and that is one half more than they recognize.

The old adage from Santayana

That those who don't learn from history

are doomed to repeat is a lie.

There is no history. Everything we are

is eternally with us.

Our question is therefore. What can save

us from our crazy insistence of

of spreading the blight never widening

circles.

Being nothingness, Being in time ideas

sickness unto death Kirkegaard will to

power Nietzsche for next week I want you

to finish the first 120 pages of Sartre

is Being and Nothingness. Are there any

questions? Okay class dismissed.

I heard you weren't feeling well. Are you

all right now? Yes

Thanks. So you still want to meet at 7:00?

Yes you can bring whatever you've done

so far. Okay maybe we can grab something to eat

eat while we're at it? That's fine

You sure you're up to it? Yeah

It makes no difference what I do. Whether

I draw blood or not. It's the violence of

my will against theirs.

Is there something wrong? You haven't said a

word all night long.

Silence has two aspects one according

Sartre,the other to Max Picard why don't

you guess why I'm quiet. To amuse you?

What is it? Did I say something to upset you?

You're to egotistical professor.

True, but what is it what you are?

Uhm

Look it's getting late, we ought to get work.

Some things are more important than others.

Besides aren't you the one

who excuse speculative philosophy

I've come to terms with my existence. Applying what

I've learned my own being.

Will get to the thesis in good time.

Such sad music, isn't it?

It's making me depressed.

Let's go.

Listen. I think I'd better go home.

It hasn't been the most enjoyable

evening you know. Ssh, come up.

So you want something to drink?

What do you got? Anything you want.

Hold on a minute.

I got something.

Dependency is a marvelous thing. It does

more for the soul than any formulation

doctor or material. Indulge me

Give me your arm.

I'll try to f*ck anything tonight. What's up girlfriend?

Where you going girlfriend?

What's your name?

My name is Black. You know what I'm saying?

You into jungle fever or what?

I'll be seeing you. Alright

I'll be out here alot. You know what I'm saying?

Oh the stench here is worse than at Charnal house.

This is a graveyard. Rosa crumbling

tombstones vicious libelous epitaphs,

and we're all drawn here like flies.

How's it going? Uh, take a look.

Yeah, me too. What's your major?

Anthropology. Hmm do you like it?

What else is there? Man is the measure of all things.

Protagoras. Right?

What do you study?

Adversity's sweet milk, philosophy.

Are you ever afraid to walk these streets?

Yeah always.

What choice do we have? It's that or

go to college in South Dakota. We're not

Goodall. That's a choice.

Not that would make me happy. I like it here.

Do you live in the dorms? Yeah you?

My own apartment. You want to come over? I'm

going straight through till morning. We

can have some coverage. Our we gonna

talk more about Feuerbach? Sure. I'll come over.

What the hell were you thinking?

Why didn't you just tell me to go? Why didn't you

say get lost? Like you really meant it.

I was afraid you'd hurt me. Worse than I've done?

I don't even no what you've done. I don't even no what the hell this is.

Am I gonna get sick now? No.

No worse than you were before.

What is that suppose to mean?

How can you act so glibly?

Look what you've done to me.

How can you do this? Doesn't this affect you at all?

No. It was your decision.

Your friend Feuerbach wrote that: All men

counting stars are equivalent in every

way to God. My indifference is not the

concern here.

It's your astonishment that needs study.

Where were you? I was calling you all last night.

Ah, in the library. Uh

Maybe you should slow down Kat. I don't know if you'd seen what you

look like lately but...

I've never felt better in my whole life.

Now I'm beginning to think maybe

I should be worry about you. Oh man! Oh f*ck!

Kathy, you alright?

Yeah, I just remembered I forgot something upstairs, okay.

So I'll see ya later.

I'll call you or something. I'll wait here for you.

Don't worry about it.

It's gonna take me some time. i'll see you okay? Alright.

Big girl alright!

Shorty what's up?

I want to take you someplace.

Yo I'm out booty call man. wear those hats b*tch! alright!

What the f*ck you doing

Chill shorty! chill shorty! Why don't you tell me to leave you alone? f*ck!

Why don't you tell me to leave you alone?

Why don't you tell me to leave you alone?

f*ck off me b*tch!

Why don't you tell me to leave you alone? Huh?

Huh? Huh? and tell me to go like you mean it.

Aahh! Tell me to go

Who is it?

Delivery

Miss Conklin? Yeah

Thanks

Oh jeez! Come on

I need to talk to you Jean.

You're welcome for the flowers. Come on.

Come on i wanna talk to you. okay, alright. Please let's talk.

I met a guy he's a vet and I spent a couple of night with him.

Since when do you smoke?

You know what he does all day?

He kills cows, he works on slaughterhouse.

in blood up to his ankles. I asked him

how come? He says a career after

4 years at preparation at Princeton

couldn't compete what they taught him in

Southeast Asia. At night he just rides

around in his meat truck he picks up hitchhikers

and take some wherever they want to go.

You're halfway through your

dissertation. You don't go to class

you don't study, you don't conference

I don't know what the hell you're doing?

Every philosopher had a predecessor

without whom his system of philosophy

could have never developed. The same

could be said for all of us but you see

it's all failed. Because our predecessor

doesn't have a name. Predecessor to what?

I don't know what you're talking about?

Gilt doesn't pass with time, Jean. It's

eternal.

Yeah. The appetites insatiable that's

what I've learned the past couple weeks.

You're not gonna try to deny that are you?

At least show me you've learned that to.

Show you what? You want an apology for

ethical relativis or something? No

Prove there's no evil and you can go.

What do you mean I can go? The mayor's at my

house I had to cover them up why do you

think that is? huh what is? What is it in my face

that I don't want to look at?

Kathy starting to scare me now. you know that?

It's these eyes it's the eyes. Eventually

everyone does the same.

Kathy you want my advice? You should get to

the infirmary. You think he'll shuts

down after a couple years? You think what you've

done isn't floating around

somewhere in space? What makes you think

been forgiven for lying to your

mother as a child huh?

or for haven slept with married men and

adultery or paying taxes that turned

Central America into a mud puddle huh

What does...Here come here

I want to take you to the girls room. All right?

Come here I wanna show you something.

Come here

What are you afraid of ? You wanna see something?

Jesus! I'm rotting inside but I'm not

dying. I could go on like this for ever.

Kathy now come on we're all golden

to the dead. Most of us go for plastic

surgery to hide the blemishes. She can't

cover the disease that originates. I don't even who you're talking too?

Kathy you gotta get some help.

Yah know it's to disheartening

especially in a doctoral candidate

yah outta know better.

I ought to know what better? You're

acting like a lunatic.

Sure it's easy to spout people like me

the cancers grown obvious but you're

as terminal as I am. You know that? You're as

addicted as I am. It's the nature of the

organism. Is that what this is about?

yeah that's it

Now look me in the face

Tell me go.

Look sin in the face

and tell it to go. Kathy

Please

That's what it does to you. You look me in the face

and tell me to go. You're hurting me

You kidding me. I'll crush you like God

What do you want from me? Look me in

the face tell me to go like you mean it.

Kathy, please, say it with authority now.

Let go! say it with authority.

Let Go! How you gonna see yourself after tonight

please stop it! please stop it! please let go of me!

Kathy KATHY!

Because if you say that to me then I'll do anything to take it back.

Of course, of course...

...but why you can't enjoy it....

...it's all gone...

...then the proper things...

huh

Why don't you just tell me leave me you alone?

Like you mean it.

Harder

You want to go someplace dark?

Mmm, your breath smells like sh*t. Know that?

You know how long I've been fasting?

40 years. The last time I shot up I had a

dozen to happen one night. They fall like

flies before the hunger, don't they?

You can never get enough. Can yah? But you

learn to control it, you learn like the

Tibetans to survive on a little. Yah Know.

So what you've been doing? What do you

have inside. Any kids? Blood of any children?

First ones the hardest isn't it?

After that they're like all the rest.

Well, here we are.

The entire world's a graveyard

and we the birds of prey picking at the

bones.

I saw, we're the ones who let the dying

know the hour has come. Sit

You think Nietzsche understood something?

Mankind has striven to exist beyond good

and evil from the beginning.

You know what they found? You want tea?

No. Maybe later. How can you drink it?

Alot of people drink tea.

I mean people like us. I'm not like you

you're nothing.

There's something you ought not to forget

you're not a person

you're nothing.

Have you read Naked Lunch? Burrows

perfectly describes what it's like to go

without a fix. Who are you?

My name is Peina. What do you want for me?

No!

What do you want from me? You came after

me you took my hand you tried to force

me somehow isn't that how it went? You

think you understand things. You know

NOTHING! You understand Nothing! I'll show

you what you are.

I'll teach what hunger is.

You thought the first time was difficult.

Relax it's a long time till sunrise.

You can't eat, you can't sleep, you can't

even go out to satisfy the urge during

the day you are sl*ve to what you are

and you're nothing. I defecate when's the

last time you did that?

I'm almost human I eat I sleep I have a

job, I can diet it took a long time.

You think you know what we are. The point is to

blend in. Not to stand out like sore

thumb. It's quality existence.

My habit is controlled by my will. True

my will initially formed by my addiction.

But now strong enough to dictate the

conditions of fulfilling my needs.

Then abstract whatever good is in you

I will use, for my sustenance and for you

you'll feel as though you haven't

eaten in weeks.

Demons suffer in hell.

Oh

yeah

ah oh

ah

Oh

Oh

You can't k*ll what's dead. What?

Eternitys is a long time get used to it.

Please help, help me. What are you worried about

you're not gonna die.

Pain, pain is something else, pain is something

we all know but takes a special person

to see pain. Please help me. Not that

person believe me.

What's gonna happen to me? Read the books Sartre Beckett

Who do you think they're talking about?

You think they're works of fiction?

I felt the wind of the wings of madness

Baudelaire. I'll be back late. What? Be honest

you were not trying to end it all

just now. You were just trying to see if I left

anything you could eat?

Anything for a fix!

Please

Please, please

Come on

Please help me

Please

Oh f*ck

Hey, Lady you alright? You okay? come on let me

get you up sweetie. You all right? Huh

Come on let me get you up, come on, come on

Let me get you, come on St. Francis is

right over here.

I finally understand what all this is

how it was all possible now I see. Good

lord how we must look from out there our

addiction is evil. The propensity for

this evil lies in our weakness before it.

Kierkegaard was right. There is an awful

precipice before us. But he was wrong

about the leap. There's a difference

between jumping and being pushed.

You reach a point where you are forced to

face your own needs. And the fact you

can't terminate the situation settles on

you with full force.

It's not cogito ergo sum

but de dita ergo sum

beco ergo sum

the intrusion of values

Philosophy is propaganda.

There is always an attempt to influence

the object to change it's view of things.

The real question is what is the

philosophers impact on other egos

transcendent or otherwise. Does that lie within

the grammar of your thesis?

If we eliminate the verb we eliminate meaning.

The predicate defines the nouns role in

being. That's why my analysis insisted on

a discernible didacticism in the works

of the philosopher. It belies his

transcendence his independence, and the result.

Essence is revealed through praxis

the philosophers words his ideas

his actions cannot be separated from his value.

His meaning that's what it's all about.

Isn't it? Our impact on other egos.

Dean, Congratulation! Thank you. Doctor all the best.

I'd like to invite you

faculty and friends to a small

get together I'm having after the reception.

Okay I would be honored

and I will be there you can bet on it.

Please be there. I will.

Thank you. Bye

Hi! Okay Okay See you there

There is a dual nature to the addiction.

It satisfies the hunger which evil engenders.

But it also dulls our perception

so we are helped to forget how ill

we really are. We drink to escape the fact

we're alcoholics. Existence is the search for

relief from our habit and

our habit is the only relief we can find.

Good evening sister, how are you doing?

Here the good news God loves you.

God loves you.

Hear the word of God brother, we give free

lunches at our Center every day it's on 35th Street

the address is there. God loves you. Please come inside.

No I can't thank you.

I appreciate the offer, maybe another time.
God bless you.

Hear the word of God the good news God loves you brother

I can't! What?!

Why not?! Uh! f*ck Why Not?!?! No I will not!

I will not submit!

I will not! I will Not SUBMIT! No!

NO! NO!

NO! NO!

No!

I Will Not!

I Will Not!

I will not! I WILL NOT SUBMIT! NOT!

Have you seen Kathy? Not all night. Okay.

Kathy

Get me a women. You make sure I fit into her things. Now.

Hi, Hi Good... Just need some help...great thanks

...it's do to lack of enrollment I believe...

Everybody I would like to thank you all for coming

here tonight to help me celebrate

the completion of my degree. I would

like to acknowledge a sincere debt of gratitude

to the faculty and to the School.

All right!

and I'd like to share a little bit of what I've learned

Through these long hard years

of study.

Ha Ha Ha

somebody call 911

Get some rest you're gonna be all right.

Nobody's gonna let you die.

Pick it up 1,2,3 1,2,3 1,2,3 Pick it up 1,2,3 My Fair Lady

Pick it up 1,2,3, 1,2,3 1,2,3 Pick it up 1,2,3 My Fair Lady HeeHe

hmm-what? The blinds. You want me to open them?

Are you sure?

Seven Circle Huh?

Dante described it perfectly

Bleeding trees waiting for judgement day where

we can all hang ourselves from our own

branches. It's not that easy doctor.

To find rest takes a real genius.

It's all a matter of discernment.

Now R.C. Sproul said we're not sinners

because we sin but we sin because we are

sinners.

In more accessible terms

we're not evil because of the evil we do

but we do evil because we are evil.

Yeah

Now what choices do such people have? It's not

not like we have any options.

Hi doctor how are ya?

Nice to see you haven't seen you lately

how have you been, Good to see you.

Good morning.

How do you feel? Can I get you something?

I want to make a confession.

Are you a Catholic?

I was baptized

What would you like to confess?

God

forgive me.

Oh mighty God have mercy on you

forgive you all your sins through our

Lord Jesus Christ strengthen you in all goodness

and by the power of the Holy Spirit

keep you in eternal life.

The body of Christ.

Amen.

To face what we are in the end.

We stand before the light and our true nature is

revealed. Self revelation is annihilation

of self.