Starring Jerry As Himself (2023)

[bunniefuu]

(dramatic music)

(gentle music)

(audience laughing)

(audience laughing)

(paper ripping)

(choir singing)

Gimme my money man.

(gentle music)

My name is Jerry.

I came to America in the 70's.

I worked as an engineer

for 40 years.

I supported my family by working

hard and saving money.

But.

One year after I retired.

I received a phone call.

Is my hair okay?

I've got a pumpkin face.

Can you do...

(gentle music)

Duh nuh duh. You suck!

Well you can tell by the way

I use my walk.

I'm a woman's man.

No time to talk.

What the hell?

Jesse Hsu?

Do you want to have

babies with him?

Do you want to end up with him?

Is it better?

Is it better?

Is it better?

(car door thudding)

(engine rumbling)

(door knocking)

Who is it?

What?

It's not locked.

Come in!

Oh Jon!

How are you doing?

How was the flight?

- It's a good flight.

- All right!

So this is the place.

(gentle music)

Yeah.

Yeah.

Good to go.

Well this looks nice.

(upbeat music)

Oh my god!

I'm the big bao.

I feel good, you need to

give me massage today.

So bright and white.

- Really?

- Shoes off or what?

Yes, especially him.

- Yes Mom.

- Dirty looking shoes.

Look here, that's my theme.

Everything is creamy white.

75 inch TV.

Show off.

Okay next one.

Is my powder bathroom

just I did.

- 6:30 already.

- Yeah we gotta go soon.

It's nice. I mean...

It's a lot of space

for like a home office.

Sit in the chair. Try my chair.

Lay?

- Yeah. Down.

- Lay.

Lay.

Oh. Well that's nice.

Yeah so, so comfortable.

Yeah, okay.

- What do you think?

- Bright.

See this chandelier,

it's like rings.

It's like bom bom bom bom bom.

It looks like diamond rings.

Yeah I never thought about it.

Josh are you coming?

Come on, come on!

Quick! Quick!

Wait let me see your room.

Well you're, you're a bachelor.

- Bachelor pad.

- Bachelor.

- Yeah.

- Bachelor style.

Easy. Done.

Good to see you.

- Are you still healthy?

- Yeah healthy.

- Do you still take walk?

- Moving around, yeah!

I'm gonna show you.

Because you never see

this house.

C'mon, let's see guest bedroom.

- And my master.

- Ugh.

This is downstairs,

that's garage.

- Beautiful.

- Garage.

- Go in.

- Okay.

Wanna help me pick which

outfit more brighter?

It's not, it's just Chinese

restaurant, not formal.

- Oh my god.

- Anything works.

I like something look more

different than I always

wear black.

- You look good right now.

- That looks fine.

You sure?

Do you know why Dad

called us for this meeting?

What's going on?

I really don't care. Really.

I don't want.

I don't care.

Anyway, so.

- That means you guys

don't like this?

- That looks great.

Okay I have scarf maybe

I can just put on that.

I'm gonna change and uh, okay.

Dad, did you want to tell us?

Dad, do you have cancer?

No no no no no.

(tense music)

(phone ringing)

More, more, more.

Okay. The nurses will come

get you for your MRI.

And my office will be in

touch with your results.

Okay? Take care Jerry.

Okay, bye.

(phone ringing)

(tense music)

(phone beeping)

(gentle music)

(phone ringing)

Hi Dad, hows it going?

I'm okay how are you?

Good, hey what's up?

I want to talk to you

about something.

Uh now's not a good time,

it's really crazy.

Okay, some other time.

Yeah sorry, I'll call you back.

(gentle music)

Dad, wake up.

Let's go to the bed.

Thanks for dinner.

Okay, anytime.

That's daddy for.

I gotta head home too.

(phone ringing)

(phone chiming)

(door knocking)

(tense music)

(camera shutter clicking)

(camera shutter clicking)

(phone vibrating)

(Kathy sighing)

(diners chatting softly)

(indicator clicking)

(diners chatting softly)

(phone ringing)

(gentle music)

(door knocking)

Hey.

(Joshua grunting)

(door knocking)

Open.

(door creaking)

- Hey.

- Hey.

Alright, here's uh.

Stock market was really

bad today.

Okay.

Bad?

How bad?

- Bad?

- It was really red,

did you sell anything?

No.

When price go down, don't sell.

It was down a lot.

You like, never sell.

Buy low, sell high.

You know, Mom said that you're

taking a lot of business calls.

Yeah, people call me

for my advice.

But what are they bothering you

for, you're already retired.

Same. Paying rent.

Wedding cost?

What are you talking about.

You know what,

I have to go okay.

I'll see you here next week?

Bye bye.

(gentle music)

(phone ringing)

(phone chiming)

Hi, how can I help you today?

Oh yeah,

I want to transfer money.

Alright well I can help

you right over here.

Okay.

Just no reason to wait

in line right?

I'm Matt by the way.

My name is Jerry.

Nice to meet you Jerry.

Okay, so.

How much money are we

transferring today?

$25,000.

$25,000, that's quite a,

quite a bit of money.

May I ask uh.

Why. What the transfer is for?

Investment. Business investment.

What kind of investment?

It's uh. Real estate.

Real estate investment.

Well congratulations.

Do you have the account number

and the address of where

you'd like it sent to?

Yes I have it right here.

Thank you sir.

California.

Knows how to party.

Have you ever been to

California?

No, not yet.

And you're sending money out

to California for real estate.

I love the weather,

hate the traffic.

You a beach or

a mountains fella?

(both chuckling)

Alright.

Okay.

So, the transfer is complete.

And now the funds will be

available to the recipient

within one business day.

I have a receipt for you,

one to sign.

And one for our records.

Actually, hold on.

I have an interesting

offer for you.

What kind of offer?

I don't tell just everybody

about this but...

(dramatic music)

(alarm wailing)

(camera shutter clicking)

(phone whooshing)

Okay. Good.

(upbeat music)

Thinking about it.

It's in a nicer neighborhood,

so it's more expensive.

- It's about double

the other property.

- Double?

That means uh.

Yeah, if you can swing it. If

that's okay.

You sure you're fine with that?

- Sure, yeah.

- You got it?

Yeah okay, yeah.

(gentle music)

(phone vibrating)

(car beeping)

(tense music)

(traffic rumbling)

(gentle music)

(Jerry slurping)

(phone vibrating)

Who is that?

I don't know, it's probably Mom.

Has he been acting weird lately?

I don't know.

Everything okay?

(dramatic music)

(camera shutter clicking)

(phone whooshing)

(phone chiming)

(gentle music)

(doorbell ringing)

(doorbell ringing)

(gentle music)

And your transfer of

$75,000 is complete.

Here you go.

Can I ask you a personal

question?

Yup.

Are you retired?

Yes, I retired about a year ago.

Congratulations.

Do you live alone?

Yes I live alone.

Why you ask this question?

We just like to know

our customers better.

In order to better serve

their needs.

Do you have any kids?

I have three.

That's a lot of kids.

And do they visit you often?

Why are you asking this?

Well it's just, customer safety

is our number one priority.

Especially for those

living alone.

You can never be too careful.

Okay.

(traffic rumbling)

Four, five, six.

One, two, three, four,

five, six.

Now, there.

You can feel the slight rise.

And push.

One, two, three, four, and

five, six. You got it.

Ha.

Ha.

That's it. So good.

Stay back in the arms.

There's the position.

Walk. Quick, quick, slow.

Walk around. Ha.

(phone ringing)

Hold on, wait for me girl.

Give me your hips.

That's nice.

That's it, walk.

And, pop.

Yeah?

Okay, I need to take this call.

Hello?

Yeah, what's going on?

Oh, I never sold any of my

stock yet. What's going on?

This apartment just came on

the market it's an amazing find.

You rarely find these places

in this neighborhood.

And the kitchen here is amazing.

It's probably a 12 by 12

size kitchen.

You've got gas appliances.

So if you like to cook,

this is perfect.

So it's really a nice find.

In this neighborhood you usually

see electric throughout

the unit.

- How do I get a screenshot?

- Dad we're at an open house.

Screenshot.

What do you think?

How you get the screenshot?

Oh my gosh.

No problem.

You just press these two

buttons, I told you this before.

Where'd it goes?

It's in the photos album,

right there okay.

Okay, thank you.

Are there LED lights too

what is that?

Yeah it's under cabinet

lighting.

So which is really nice.

We do have two offers

already in.

Are you interested in

placing an offer?

We're still interested,

you know what.

We're going to talk to

the loan officers.

We're good on that right Dad?

Pre-approval?

- Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- No problem.

So we do need proof of funds

by tomorrow morning.

Because tomorrow at two o'clock

we have highest and best offers.

It's the deadline.

Hello? Hello, hello.

Hey. Pick up, come on.

Pick up.

At the tone, please record

your message.

Voicemail.

Hey Jerry. Please. Call me back.

It's emergency.

Please, right away.

(gentle music)

(Jerry sighing)

(phone line trilling)

Dad it's Josh, who's Xiao Zhang?

Is that like your new girlfriend

or something?

Dad is there something going on

that you're not telling me

about?

Is that like a TV show

or something?

Yeah that's cool, um.

I gotta go are you going

to stop by tonight?

(dramatic music)

Welcome back Mr. Liu,

I see you are here to make.

Another wire transfer.

How much will we be

transferring today?

$250,000.

$250,000.

Yes.

That is a significant

amount of money.

I might have to speak with

our branch manager.

What is the purpose

of the transfer?

That's none of your business.

Well it's my responsibility to

safeguard our customer's money.

I know what you are doing.

What, what is that?

You're part of this.

You're a criminal.

You take people's

hard earned money.

You're taking my money.

I, I don't know what you're

talking about.

You're not getting away

with this.

See that's where you're wrong.

I have been getting away

with it, for months.

I've been running millions

of dollars through your account.

And when my boss

Cheng Hua is done,

I'm going to take all

your money too.

And there's not a thing

that you can do about it.

I don't think so.

(sirens wailing)

Matt Johnson, you're under

arrest for international

money laundering.

Jerry this is all your fault!

I would have gotten away with it

if it wasn't for you Jerry!

You've ruined everything!

I'll get you Jerry!

Jerry.

Jerry.

Jerry.

Oh yeah, yeah.

Mr. Liu I just wanted to let you

know that the transfer of...

$250,000 is complete.

I'm sorry to see you go.

Would you like me to

close out the account?

Uh.

Leave... Leave it open.

Leave it open.

(gentle music)

(phone line trilling)

(phone line trilling)

(Zhang sighing)

(tense music)

Okay.

Alright ready Dad?

I have to make a phone

call first, important.

Dad we have to go.

Why he not answer my phone?

Nobody answer the phone.

Dad who are you calling?

We have to get the application

to the loan officer, you heard-

This is important to me okay. I

need to make a phone call first.

- To who? To Mom? She's not-

- You can go first.

I'm going to lose the condo

and I really like that place

remember.

Okay I told you go first!

You go first okay?

Okay, make your call.

(tense music)

(gentle music)

That's what happened.

- What?

- Wait, wait so.

- What did you say?

- So how much did you lose?

- Is this true?

- Everything?

- Are you serious?

- What?!

Wait how the f*ck could a bank

account just send your money.

Oh my god how stupid you are!

We need to file a police report

right now.

Wait wait wait we have to

file a report?

Savings. Everything.

What about the down payment

for my apartment?

I don't believe it.

I can't take it.

- Mom, Mom, wait.

- Oh my god.

- This is too much.

- We have to talk.

- I mean this is crazy.

- I know, I know, we have to

talk to him.

Dad. How could you

have fallen for this?

Oh my god.

So stupid.

Really stupid.

I can't believe this f*cking

happened under your watch.

You're right here.

You're seeing him everyday about

this f*cking open house.

You're always busy with

your kids and family.

Yeah kids! They're f*ck kids,

I got to take care of them.

Well how often do you visit Dad?

It's not up to me,

it's not all my fault.

I mean I can't be traveling

with the kids all the time.

Joshua.

Why you come here?

What are you doing here?

It's 3 o'clock.

Uh, just checking if

you're okay.

I'm okay, I'm okay.

You just woke me up.

- You're good?

- I'm good, I'm fine okay.

Thank you for coming.

I go sleep.

Every time I think about it,

I just feel like so sad.

There's so many millionaires.

So many people so bad.

Why is this such an innocent

man, and work like a dog.

Well what do we do tomorrow?

Tomorrow, same thing.

I can go drive, deliver food.

Make some extra money.

(door knocking)

- Hi.

- Thank you.

Alright thank you,

enjoy your dinner.

If you're doing good,

give me five star review.

We need the stars.

- Got it.

- Thank you.

So I got the police report

back last night.

Where did the money go?

Well after you wired it

to California.

The police tracked it into

a crypto account.

That they opened under

your name in Hong Kong.

So that means all the money

is gone?

I cannot get it back?

Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's gone.

Just happens I so easily believe

people, that's why.

I always believe people.

Dad how did you keep it a

secret from us for so long?

(Jerry sighing)

(water rushing)

(video playing softly)

(phone ringing)

As you can see from the MRI

we did a few weeks ago

I've indicated some evidence of

intracerebral microhemorrhages.

Here. Here. And here. Okay?

It could indicate Cerebral

Amyloid Angiopathy.

What does that mean?

Right. This, it's kind of.

It's microbleeding in the brain.

Right? It's caused from the

same protein found in

Alzheimer's Dementia which

could lead to memory loss.

Confusion. Interference

with daily tasks.

Jerry have you been

experiencing any of those?

No, I'm not even 70 years old.

That's not possible.

Well, the scans do show.

How do I know you

are a real doctor?

I am. I am a real doctor,

you can check my.

Yeah. Um.

You are an actor.

Are you an actor?

Am I an actor?

I am.

Not an actor.

(gentle music)

- I saw those.

- Oh yeah.

- That freaked me out.

- What's up with that?

Like do you think he knew

he had Alzheimer's?

I dunno but one of us

has to watch over him.

He hates burdening us, he

doesn't want to bother us.

I see him stewing.

He's mad.

He's pissed at himself.

So we have to take his

mind off of this thing.

And he's been saving

his whole life.

You guys know this.

He never takes any vacation.

Never goes out.

Never spends like a penny.

And he's just. I get it.

He's trying to like save up.

And leave like a legacy.

But he's got nothing

to pass on to us.

No purpose.

Anything big you want to do?

Anything you wanna?

While you're,

while you're young.

Where's Josh? He needs to help.

I think he's upstairs

taking a crap.

Whoa whoa whoa, this is

our homecoming routine!

Oh my gosh, I remember this.

- And slide.

- Oh that slide though.

We have one unlabelled. Dad,

do you know what this one is?

Oh yeah, that's a Christmas...

Script I wrote.

Is that... Dad, is that you

or Joshua?

- I'm so young.

- The hair!

I don't remember this at all.

Wait you wrote, directed,

and acted?

See I also play a role there.

Jerry!

Look at this! Did you enjoy it?

Of course, I like to do

these kind of things.

Oh my gosh.

Dude everyone loves this

performance.

Why'd you stop?

I have to work and make money.

For you three kids.

You don't know that?

I only have time during

Christmas season.

Well you're retired now you

have a lot of time.

Do you wanna start writing

again? Maybe do a project

with the family?

We could do it together.

(upbeat music)

(crew laughing)

But I cannot shout loud.

Yeah you can, go for it, ready?

Today is a couple big scenes

with the police officers.

I can do it!

You can do it.

I can do it no problem.

What do you think about

everything so far?

Lot of fun.

I think,

he probably even want more.

He told me. I love it.

He never say that, to me.

I love this.

I'm a real doctor,

I can assure you.

Jerry how does it feel

to be done.

Yeah good.

But we repeat too many times.

I'm getting bored.

Jerry Liu.

That's uh...

That's very...

Very moving.

(Kathy laughing)

(upbeat music)