03x16 - Food Poisoning

[bunniefuu]

Hey, hey, hey.

What's happenin', rerun?

Hey, hey, hey.

What's the matter
with you, man?

Your "hey, hey"
sounds bad.

It's not me dwayne.
It's this half a burger.

Well, what's wrong with this
half a burger, man?

Not that half, dwayne.

The half that's in here.

Man, it feels like
I swallowed an oil slick.

You mean, you're not gonna
finish this hamburger.

Ooh, no way.

Hey, shirley,
come here a sec.

You got to see a miracle.

What miracle?

Rerun's first leftover.

Lord, have mercy.
That is a miracle.

Oh, yeah.

[Groaning]

Hey, I'm in pain.

You're in pain.
Come on.

The man with
the steel-belted stomach.

[Scoffing]

Hey, rerun, stop it.

Hey!

What's happening?

What's wrong with him?

I think there's a horse
on that bun.

What did he do,
eat your share?

[Laughing]

I'm not kiddin', raj.

I think I've been poisoned.

Oh, man, I never seen him
get sick from eating.

Only once.
When the twinkie truck
turned over.

[Laughing]

[Groaning]

Oh, rerun,
you probably just got
a little indigestion.

Wait, wait. Raj.
When you're dealing
with rerun's stomach,

You are in the big time.

There is no such thing
as "little" indigestion.

Hey, why don't you
get your stomach x-rayed?

No telling what
they might find in there.

[Guffawing]

Hey, raj, raj,

They might find
all that stuff

They thought was lost
in the bermuda triangle.

Ok, guys, wait a minute,
wait a minute, wait.

See, rerun,
wait a minute.

I better call
your sister donna,

'Cause, you know,
after all, she's a nurse

And maybe she'll know
what you can do.

It won't do
any good, shirley.

She's not at home.

She's working
at the hospital.

[Shirley]
oh?

I think I better
go over there

[Raj]
hmm?

Oh, he is sick.

[Shirley]
this looks serious.

Don't worry.
You'll be all right.

I'll get him
to the emergency room.

Don't worry, man,
you're gonna be all right.

Hey, look here,
your hamburger,

Tearing it up
on the house.

Here.

Hey, look here.
Y-you're a smart guy.
You want half of a hamburger?

[woman on p.a. System]
doctor hanson.

Dwayne, I thought rerun
was indestructible.

Yeah, it's hard to believe
our old pal, rerun.

He's so young.

Yeah, but you know,
he'll be all right, dwayne.

I mean, this is
the best hospital
in the city.

I know they'll do
everything they can.

We just have to
keep our spirits up,
that's all.

We haven't even talked
to the doctor yet.

Yeah, you're right.
We don't even
know the worst yet.

[Man groaning]

[Groaning]

Oh, raj, man,
did you hear that guy?

We must be in
the "serious" ward, man.

Don't worry, dwayne,

Everything's gonna
be all right now.

His sister's in there
with him.

So we just remain calm
and just wait.

Oh, hi, fellas.

How is he?
Is he gonna be all right?

I think so.
The doctor's with him now.

He has to examine him,
give him a few tests.

How many hamburgers
did he eat anyway?

Just a half.

Half?

I can't imagine my brother
eating half of anything.

Unless, of course,
it was pittsburgh.

Well, does he have
a food allergy?

No. 'Cause if he did,
he would've keeled over
a long time ago.

No, see,
freddie can eat anything.

He came to dinner
at our house last thursday

You know what ike said?
[Raj]
what?

Neither rain, nor sleet,
nor stormy day,

Will keep freddie
from puttin' it away.

[Laughing]

You know, donna,
I'm sure he'll be
all right, though.

Yeah, yeah. He's got
a real good doctor

And I guess we'll hear
something real soon.

How are you today,
mr. Flynn?

[Moans]

Good, good.
Glad to hear it.

And, uh,
you're looking better.

Getting a little color back

[Moaning]

...in your toes.

Oh, I'd say you'll be
out of here in no time.

In the meantime now,
you just stay quiet. Hmm?

[Moaning]

Well, mr. Stubbs,
I'm doctor homby.

This is mr. Flynn.

How many hamburgers
did he eat?

Well, I can see,
we didn't lose
our sense of humor.

Come on, doc,
give it to me straight.

What's wrong with me?

Well, we won't know
until all the tests are in,

But I'd say, according
to my preliminary diagnosis,

Uh, food poisoning.

Uh-huh?

Now, mr. Flynn,
don't get excited.

Of course it wasn't
the hospital food.

Mr. Stubbs,
the nurse'll be in
to show you shortly.

I'll be checking
with you later.

Thanks, doc.

All right. Get some rest.
See you tomorrow.

Oh, doctor,
how is rerun?

Mr. Stubbs.

Oh, he'll be fine.
Just a little gastroenteritis.

Enteritis?

That sounds like
that greek woman

That owns all those
oil tankers.

Look, fellas,
I'll see you later.

And don't worry,
he'll be fine.

[Raj]
ok, donna.

Excuse me, doc?
Hmm?

Is he really
gonna be all right?

Of course.
He just has food poisoning.

Well, when can he go home?

I'd say friday.
He's on i.v.

He won't be able
to eat anything
for a couple of days.

Rerun not eat anything
for a couple of days?

What're you gonna do,
sew his lips shut?

Well, can we go in
and see him now?

Of course.
But don't stay too long.
He's still weak.

Ok.
All right, thanks, doc.

[woman on pa system]
telephone please,
doctor klein.

Hey, pal.

Hey.

How you feel?

Awful.

Well, check it out.
We brought your clothes up
from the emergency room.

Thanks, dwayne.

I'll just hang 'em up
for you, man.

Hey, dwayne,
you just hung my pants

On my dinner.

Yeah, dwayne.
See, this is how
they feed him.

See, this bottle

Leads straight
to his arm.

They feed his arm?

Does his mouth
know about that?

Dwayne, dwayne, dwayne.

[Moaning]

[Continues moaning]

[Exclaims]

What happened to him?

He was trying
to catch a bus.

It looks like he caught it
right in the face.

Well, well, well,
mr. Flynn.

It's nice to see you
lookin' so cheerful today.

[Moaning]

And with the news
I have for you, why,

You're gonna look
even more cheerful.

I am?
Oh, my goodness.

[Chuckling]

Yes, I've drawn up
the papers for you

And our,
our million-dollar lawsuit
against the bus company.

What 'd you say to that?
Oh, good.

Yeah, I knew you'd be happy.

It's right in here.
Yes, siree.

And with any luck,
we'll have that bus company
on its knees.

And the worst that
we can possibly get,

Why, is a settlement
out of court

For $100,000.
Isn't that wonderful?

[Flynn exclaiming]

Yeah, I knew you'd be happy.

Now you just relax there
and think about
all that money.

In the meantime,

It's a pleasure
doing business with you.
Congratulations.

I wish we could
shake on it,

But you don't
have anything to shake with.

Bye.

Come on, mr. Stubbs,
hope you're feeling better.

Thank you.

By the way,
uh, what is your problem?

My--my stomach.

Well, I can see that.
But what are you in here for?

Food poisoning.

Food poisoning?

Well, young man,

This just may be
your lucky day.

Lucky?
That's right.

My card:

Stan sloan,
attorney at law.

Yeah, you know,
food poisoning
is usually

Due to gross negligence.

It's an open and shut case.
You'll collect
an awful lot of money.

I will?

He will?
He will.

He will.

Excuse me.
Let me open my office here.

[Clears throat]

All right, now,

What kind of food
was it?

Hamburger.

Hamburger. Oh, perfect.

[Laughing]

And where was it purchased?

Rob's place.

Rob's place.

Is rob's place
a restaurant?

Barely.

Say no more.

Restaurants are
my tastiest targets.

Hey, guys,
i-i-i'm beginning
to feel rotten.

And this kinda talk
isn't making me
feel any better.

Mmm, you'll probably
collect $100,000.

That kind of talk
is making me feel better.

$100,000?

Mmm-hmm.

Oh, yes. Or more.

Why, we'll sue this rob
for every nickel he's got.

Hey, wait a minute.

He can't sue rob.
Rob is his friend.

No, I can't sue rob.

Why not?

Rob isn't gonna
have to pay.

The insurance company'll
cough up the money.

You mean, I'll get $100,000

And rob won't have
to pay a cent?

That's right.

Call the court to order!

Hi, shirley.

Hi, dee.

Man, this place is dead.

Yeah, they heard about
rerun's food poisoning.

Oh, yeah?

Well, I wanna order
a hamburger anyway, to go.

Uh, did you hear the lady?

She says, "I want
to order a hamburger."

Ok. To go to my teacher.

He's failing me in algebra.

Hey, hey, rob.

Hey, rob.
Hi, dee.

What's happenin', shirley?

Oh, nothing big's
happening, guys.

Well, where is everybody?

Out there,
stayin' alive.

They scared
to come in here.

They should be.
They have normal stomachs.

And that burger flattened
the incredible bulk.

Yeah, and it doesn't help
that they heard the rumor

That rerun's suing rob. So...

Yeah, when he
wins that money,

Rerun's gonna be
walking on easy street.

If I don't get
some customers,

I'm gonna be begging
on easy street.

Oh, come on, rob,

I know you have
some customers.

Yeah, but the few
that come in don't buy
anything to eat.

They just drink
or play music. That's all.

Well, everything
will die down

Once the insurance company
pays rerun,

And people
will start coming back.

No, they won't.

You see,
if rerun sues and wins,

The insurance company
cancels my policy.

And without any insurance,
this place closes.

Closes?
[Rob]
yeah.

Oh, man.

Still no problem.

Once rerun finds that out,
I am sure he won't sue.

Raj, it's $100,000.

So, rob, have you ever
thought about going into
another business?

Another business?
You crazy?

All this food poisoning talk
is ridiculous.

He's right. Rob has
the best hamburgers in town.

Right on!

They are the juiciest.

The juiciest.

The tastiest!
The tastiest.

The best burger meat
anywhere.

That's right.
The best anywhere.

Shirley, get me
a peanut butter
and jelly sandwich.

Hey, make that
2 peanut butter
and jelly sandwiches.

Now, I'm warning you, ike.

When we get inside there
I don't want you
to say one word

About that insurance money,
you understand?

Hey, baby, don't worry.

I'm just worried about
my poor little brother-in-law

Sure you are.

[woman on pa system]
dr. Hanson...

Look who's here
to see you, freddie.

Hi, ike.

Hello, ol' money bags.

How you feelin' today,
freddie?

Not good, sis,
not good.

Well, you're in
the best possible hands.

You'll be
feeling better soon.

Hey, you know,
it sure was nice of you

To come visit me, ike.

Well, I'm concerned
about you.

Are you sure they're doing
everything possible for you?

I--i think so.

You think I should
get another opinion?

No.

If you got a good lawyer,
stick with him.

I guess he's good.

It was his idea
for me to sue.

Oh, sweet sue!
My favorite melody.

Talk to me.

Ike, is that all
you can think about?
Money?

Don't you realize
freddie is sick?

Look, freddie,

The only thing
that's important

Is that you're getting
the best medical care here.

Say, jack.

[Groaning]

Say, didn't we meet
at the king tut exhibit?

That's mr. Flynn.

No, no,
don't get up.

Say, you know
this attorney,
mr. Sloan?

[Moaning]

Hey, is he any good?

[Moaning]

That good?

Hey, freddie,
did you hear that, man?

We're gonna be
on easy street.

I think I'm gonna buy me
some new clothes.

We'll be shopping
at the finest stores in town.

Hey, we should be
giving some thought

To what we will be driving.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

I'm the one in pain.

I'm the one
who's been sufferin'.

Where are you
getting this "we"?

Hey, freddie baby,
look it,

If I could share
your pain and suffering,
I would.

I'd love to share your pain.

Would it help
if I kicked you?

Look, ike,
I told you before,

Back off and forget about
that insurance money.

And I don't think
you should be thinkin'
about that either.

Now you need some rest.

I will, sis.

Ok. Look,
I've got to get back up
to the third floor.

You get some rest now.

And don't you stay
in here too long.

Hey, baby,
I won't.

Uh, I'm just gonna sit by
my brother-in-law's bedside,

You know, and, uh...

Right.

Yeah.

Is there anything you want?

Anything you need?

No, thanks, ike.
But I appreciate it.

Oh, don't mention it.

But while we're
on the subject,

There is something
that I need.

[Sighing]

When we gonna be
getting' that money?

I don't know. Why?

Well, I made
a small investment

And it didn't turn out
quite like I expected it to.

So I thought
I may be able to make
a small capital loan

To cover my losses.

Oh, yeah?
Well, what'd you invest in?

4 Kings.

But the guy across from me
invested in 4 aces.

Poker?

Were you gambling again?

Uh-huh.

Right on, brother.

Now there's a man
who knows about
the facts of life.

You see, 4 kings could hardly
be considered gambling.

A low risk investment, yes.

Say, brother,
can I interest you
in a small diversion?

Just to pass the time.

Gin? Poker?
Cool kings on a stool?

Ike, ike, ike,
you can't do that.

Yes, I can.
I'll hold his hand for him.

Hey, ike.

[Ike]
hey, fellas,
what's happening?

Rerun.

I don't wanna talk
about the money
in front of the guys.

It's all in the family,
we wanna keep it that way.

We don't want nobody
to know about
the insurance money,

You get it? Ok.

See you guys later.

Ok.
Oh, yeah, ike.
Later, man.

What's happenin',
little man?

Rerun,

You're not thinking
about collecting money

At rob's expense,
are you?

No, not at rob's expense.

At the insurance company's
expense.

But, rerun,
if the insurance company
pays you,

They cancel rob and then
he's out of business.

Rerun, think of rob.
He's your friend.

Money can't buy everything.

And man cannot live
by bread alone.

Yeah. Lions can't live
on meat alone.

Uh, horses can't live
on hay alone.

Elephants can't live
on peanuts alone.

Cats cannot live
on mice alone.

Termites can't live
on houses alone!

Dogs--

Dwayne, dwayne.

Huh?

Oh, man, you're giving me
a worse stomachache.

And worse than that,

You're giving me
an upset conscience.

Well, how's it goin',
shirley?

Oh, slow, man.
Real slow.

Nobody's ordering anything.

Wait. What about
those people over there?
They're eating.

Yeah, but they brought
their own lunches.

[Raj]
you mean they didn't
order anything?

Oh, yeah, sure.
Mustard and ketchup

To go on
their baloney sandwiches.

Hey, why don't you
just throw them out, shirley?

Are you kidding?
They're the best customers
we've got.

They've already
spent 50 cents
in the juke box.

You mean no one
has ordered a hamburger?

No. Oh, yeah,
o-one guy.

But he was
the health inspector.

Yeah, he put
one of the hamburgers
in a plastic bag

And throwed it
in the back of his truck

And took it downtown
to the lab.

He probably gave it
to a little white mouse

To see if it k*lled him.

Poor little guy.

No, that's enough.
I don't have to
take that from you.

Now look,
this has gone far enough.

Now look,

There's nothing wrong
with rob's food.

Put me a burger
on the grill
and make it rare.

Comin' up.

All right, now look.
May I have your attention,
please?

Now look,
we've been coming
to rob's for years.

That's right! Years!

And in all those years,
we have eaten

A lot of hamburgers.

Yeah! Lots!

Thousands and thousands
of hamburgers

Have been thrown
on that grill,

Flipped on to a bun

And placed in your
very own mouths.

Placed in!

Mouths that now
refuse to eat!

You call yourselves
loyal friends,

Faithful patrons.

And yet,
in a time of need,

You fail to support
the establishment

That has faithfully
fed you all these years.

That's right.
Faithfully and fair!

And why?

Why?

[Man]
why?

Why, raj?

[Whispering]
get down, dwayne.

Huh?

Get down.
Oh.

I'll tell you why.

Because of one
small incident.

One tiny little bellyache.

And who was the villain?

Fear.

There's nothing
to be afraid of, my friends.

Believe me.

Shirley, give me that burger.

Yeah, give him
the burger, shirley.

Now watch this.
Dwayne, eat this.

Are you kid...

Go ahead and eat it, dwayne.

Rerun didn't have
food poisoning.

He had appendicitis.

Appendicitis?

That's right.

And they're operating on him
right now.

Now didn't I tell you
that our hamburgers
were safe?

What did I tell you?
What you want?

Give me 2.

How you feeling,
fredrick?

Ok.

Sorry for the delay
in diagnosing
your appendicitis,

But we weren't
definitely sure
till we got

The lab reports back.

That's ok, doc.

Nobody's perfect.

That's true,
but your operation
was completely successful,

And I did a cute
little stitch on you.
You're gonna love it.

Thanks, doc.

Ok. No disco dancing
for a few days, hmm?

[Moaning]

No. No, mr. Flynn.

No disco dancing
for you, either.

Jello was enough
excitement for you
in one day.

Hello, doc.

Oh, mr. Stubbs,
mr. Stubbs,

Mr. Stubbs,
how fortunate we are,

They operated on you.

What a break.

What do you mean,
what a break?

5 Hours ago they cut me open.

4 Hours ago they sewed me up.

And for that hour
in between,

There were rubber gloves
reaching inside my body.

And you say
"what a break."

Sounds horrible,
but great.

Great for who?

Great for you, pal.

I figure it's worth
about $5,000 a stitch.

Stitches mean riches.

I bet you got a fortune
under that bandage.

[Chuckling]

Just remember, my friend,
in my business,

Pain is profit.

I mean,
simple food poisoning
is one thing,

But major surgery
on top of it,

That's a whole new ballgame.

Wait a minute.
There's no more suing.

What? What do you mean?

I never had food poisoning.

It was my appendix.

They had to take it out.

So say goodbye
to my food poisoning suit.

But say hello
to your malpractice suit.

What?

Wrong diagnosis,
delay of operation,

Endangerment of life.

[Chuckling]
we'll sue the doctor,
the hospital,

And since it's city owned,
we'll sue the city.

On top of that,
we'll sue he surgeon.

The surgeon?
Mmm-hmmm.

What did he do wrong?

I don't know yet,
but maybe we'll get lucky.
Pray for complications.

Pray for complications?

Mmm-hmmm.

This is my body
you're talking about.

But you don't care
because you don't care
about humans.

Of course I care
about humans.

Are you kidding?

There's big money in humans.

Come here. Come here,
come here, come here.

I'm not suing
the doctor or anybody.

And you should get out
of the lawyer business.

You make the good lawyers
look bad.

Don't be so naive, son.
Why don't you wise up.

You ought to take
some advice from me.

Advice?

Oh, I got a piece of advice
for you.

The pacific ocean
is that way.

Keep walking until
your briefcase floats.

Hey, rerun,
look what I brought you.

You know,
rob cooked it
especially for you.

Look, it's got
extra pickles and,
and a little mustard there

And ketchup and stuff.

Huh? Yum, yum, yum.

Oh, it's beautiful, shirley.

But I'm sorry,
I can't eat this.

U-unless you can
squeeze it into my bottle.

Yeah, well, I'll just
put it over here
with your flowers.

Yeah, it'll make
the room look good.

Yeah.

[Flynn moaning]

What did he say, rerun?

Hey, for the first time
I finally understood him.

He said he's hungry.

Yeah, well, he's talking
your language, huh?

[Rerun]
oh yeah.

Baby, you look a mess.
Look at you!

Here. Well,
inhale this. Do that.

[Inhaling]

Oh.

Look, baby,
I'm gonna poke a little bit
in that hole right there.

[Moaning]

Now, you spit on me,
I'll slap your head.