03x08 - Raj Moves Out

[bunniefuu]

Could I ask you
a question, jean?

Certainly, roger.

Well, I'd like to--

But not now.

Studying requires
absolute concentration.

[Muttering]
ok.
Absolute concentration.

Sorry, jean. I'll turn
the pages more quietly.

That's very considerate
of you, roger.

Much better, roger.

What's happening?

I'm sorry.

Jean, this is my roommate,
rerun.

Rerun, meet jean.

Hi, jean.
Hi, rerun.

"Hi, jean," that's funny.

Keep it clean with hygiene?

Rerun, we-we're trying
to study.

So, could you keep it quiet?

Oh, oh, sure, roger.
You 2 go ahead and study.

Yeah,
I'm just gonna relax a little.

But you won't even know
I'm here.

[Whispering]

♪[music blaring]

[Music stops]

Hey!

Look, jean
is the smartest girl...

Jean is the smartest fox
in this whole college.

And she asked me
to study with her, rerun.

Now, please don't blow this.

Ok, I'm sorry.
I'll fix it.

Don't fix--

I'm sorry
that I disturbed you,
"hi, jean."

I'm sure I'll try
to contain myself, ok?

[Whispering]
thank you.

[Raj]
I'm sorry.

[Jean]
it's ok.

[Object thudding]

[Whispering]
I'm sorry.

[Water rushing]

[Exclaiming]

[Sighing]

[Jean and raj whispering]

[Chopping loudly]

Rerun!

There's just no sense
in trying to
go further, roger.

I'm going home.

Wait a-- wait a minute, jean.
I mean, maybe we can study
at your house.

No. That's not possible.
My roommate is right
in the middle of moving out.

Oh, I'm sorry, jean.

Oh, no problem.

Oh, by the way,

Tomorrow night
I'm having some friends

Over for a little dinner.
Would you join us?

Oh, I'd love to,

But tomorrow night
I'm having dinner
with a friend myself.

Well, bring him along.

Thanks a lot!
We'd love to come.

What time?

Oh, make it around 8:00-ish.

8:00-Ish?
We'll be there-ish.

Bye.

I hope you liked
the dinner, raj.

Oh, the dinner
was great, jean.

Rerun, won't you try
the sweet and sour shrimp?

There's still a few left.

Thank you.

Uh, but, I'll just eat
the sweet ones.
I hate sour shrimp.

Just kidding, just kidding.

[Clearing throat]

You know,
I think of all the places
in the world to visit.

I'd like to go to italy.
I've read so much about it.

Ah, yes, italy.
The canals of venice.

The statues of florence.

The churches of rome.

The pizzas of pepperoni.

[Clearing throat]

Uh--uh. Uh, aren't you
on an exchange program
here, bina?

Oh yes, I am. I'm working
on my doctor's thesis.

Why doesn't your doctor
do his own thesis?

Here. Eat.

[Suchart clearing throat]

You--you know,
roy would've loved
this dinner.

Oh? Who's roy?

An old boyfriend.

Past history.

[Rerun slurping]

[Exclaiming]

Oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't realize
it was so late.
Bina and I must leave.

I have an 8:00 class.

Oh, yes.
But thank you so much
for the lovely dinner.

You're welcome.
And, of course, I understand.

As we say in my land,

"May the food
always remain on your table."

And as we say in my land,
"may you attack a big mac."

[Chuckling]

Rerun, why don't
you go, too?

You know?
Maybe you can get a lift
with bina and suchart.

Come on, get up,
get up, go.

I mean, there's nothing to do
but the dishes.

I can do that
with jean. So, go.

Oh--oh, ok, raj.

The dishes, right?
I got it.

Excuse me.
Uh, can I get a lift?

So they can do the dishes.

Certainly.

And may all your journeys
be pleasant ones.

And may your gas tank
be overflowing...

'Cause I live
20 miles from here.

[Door closing]

I found your friend
rather unique, roger.

Well, you don't know him
like I do, jean.

He's my best friend
in the whole world.

Hey, raj,
that's your old world.

This is a whole new scene.

Do you see
what I'm offering you?

Well, I'm not sure.
You wanna show me?

Sit down, roger.

Now, this may be
a little sudden.

I know I've only known you
for a week.

Well, you know
my roommate moved out,

And well, I hate living alone.

Oh, why don't you get a pet?

Look, roger,

[Sighing]

What I'm trying to say is

I want you
to move in with me.

Oh, yeah.

Excuse me, roger.

Now, I will be right back
as soon as I clear the table,
ok?

Oh, just take your time, baby.
We got all night.

[Exclaiming]

I don't know why
rerun is so mad.

Hey, rerun.

Don't "hey, rerun" me,
ex-roommate.

Oh, will you stop it?

Look, I can't find
that pair of socks
my mother made for me.

Do you know
where they are?

Yes.

Well, since you know
where they are,

Do you mind
getting them for me?

Ok.

Never mind, never mind.
I'll just drop by later
and pick up my socks.

Drop by later?

After 10 years of friendship,

He walks out on me and says,

"I'll drop by later
for my socks."

Can you believe
this fool, dwayne?

Sure, rerun,
they're nice socks.

Shut up, dwayne.

Rerun, just because
I'm movin' in with jean,

There's no reason
we can't still be
best friends,

Now is there?

Yeah, I think
there's a very good reason.

Best friends
just don't walk out
on each other.

I'm not walking out.
I'm walking in.

Into a whole new world
of elegance and culture
and refinement.

Yeah, and there's
a pretty girl there, too.

Let's face it, raj.
The only reason
why you're moving in there

Is that
she's prettier than me.

Rerun, if you're worried
about the rent,
I told you I'd pay my share

Until you found
another roommate.

Hey, that seems fair.

It's not a question of money.
It's a question of friendship.

Yeah, it's a question
of friendship.

Uh, a man has to try
to improve himself.

Yeah, now you
can't blame him for that.

But true friendship
comes first.

Yeah, right.
Improvement does come 2nd.

A true friend would understand

That each man
has his own needs,

Each man is an island.

He's an island, rerun.

You don't just throw
10 years of friendship
out the window.

Now, 10 years is
a long time, island...

I'm not throwin' it away!

He's not throwin' it away,
mountain.

I think
you're acting selfish.

Yeah, selfish.

And I think
you're being pig-headed!

Yeah, pig-headed.

Well, who you calling
pig-headed, fool?

Yeah.

And who you callin'
fool, fool?

Yeah, yeah.

[Raj and rerun]
shut up, dwayne.

[Raj]
I guess that's it.

Now I really gotta get going.

Hey don't worry, rerun,
you'll find another roommate.

Yeah, I can find
another roommate.

But where am I gonna find
another best friend?

I'll be your best friend--

Shut up, dwayne.

Right on.

[Doorbell ringing]

Just a minute.

Coming.

Yes?

Hi. I'm roger thomas'
sister, dee.

Well, come in.

And what can I do for you?

Raj's ex-roommate
isn't speaking to him,

So he paid me $2
to deliver this stuff
that raj left.

Say, where's this new roommate
of roger's named gene?

I'd like to meet the guy.

I'm jean.

Oh...

Oh...

Now, would you mind
picking up every one of those

Unmentionables

And taking them
and yourself out of here?

Your brother
won't be moving in.

He won't?

No, I've changed my mind.

I've decided
I want to live alone.

I don't want
any roommate at all.

Hey, baby,
I'm almost ready.

Oh, roy.

Who's that?
The tidy bowl man?

My clothes
come from the cleaners?

Uh, yes.

Tip the kid a quarter.

Oh...

All right,
I'm gonna be honest
with you.

Really? Do you know how?

Look, roy is
my original roommate

And he decided
to move back in.

In other words, raj's out.

In other words,
raj was never in.

You were just using him to get
your old boyfriend back.

Why, how do you know
so much about life
at your age?

I know everything about life.
I watch soap operas.

[Doorbell ringing]

Excuse me.

Oh, it's roger,
and I haven't told him yet.

Better let me handle this.

Hi, raj. Bye, raj.

Bye.

Dee, what are you doing here?

Well, I have
2 kinds of news.

Uh, bad news and good news?

No.

Bad news and worse news.

Oh, come on, rerun,
cheer up.

Hey, man, let's go play
some basketball.

No thanks, dwayne.
I'd feel really silly
playing without raj.

You really miss him, huh?

No, I miss the basketball.
He took it with him.

Hey, rerun, man,

Why don't you let me
move in here with you?

No way!

[Knocking on door]

I'll get it.

Raj, man, what are you
doin' back here?

I am home, dwayne.

I'm back home
where I belong.

Back among my real friends.

My true friends.

And my dearest friends.

And who are you?

That's a funny one, rerun.

Yeah, here I am.

Home at last.

Well, you're too late, raj.

I already decided
to rent your part of the room
out to dwayne.

Huh?

Dwayne?

Dwayne's movin' in here?

Yeah, sure.

Yeah. Why not?

But I haven't even been gone
an hour yet.

I mean, you still have
my socks on.

Things happen fast
in the '70s, raj.

Dwayne is my new roommate.
Right, dwayne, old buddy?

Yeah, all right.
And I get the bed
by the window?

Sure, anything you want.

Well, it looks like
you're out of luck, raj.

Hey, don't suppose
maybe I could, uh, stay here
for a few days

And sleep on the couch
or the floor, you see,

I'm kind of stuck
for a place to stay, rerun.

Why don't you stay
at jean's place?

I can't.

Why not?

Because the room
isn't ready yet.

Why not?

Because
jean's old roommate...

[Mumbling]

What?

Because jean's old roommate
is living in it!

She came back, huh?

Huh?

Oh, yeah.

Hey, raj, is she pretty?

I mean, is she my type?

Oh, I hope not.

Well that's too bad, raj,
but you can't stay here.

I know dwayne wouldn't like
some guy sleepin' on the floor
of his apartment.

Oh, rerun. I don't mind.

Shut up, dwayne.

You got a point.

What am I gonna do?

Well, you can go back
to your mama's.

I can't. You know
shirley has my old room.

Well, raj, ok,
keep in touch,

And let me know
where you're at, ok?

Let me know
where you're stayin'.

Well, let's see, I guess
I better get goin', huh?

Where are you goin'?

To my place.

I mean, if I'm gonna be
moving in here,
I gotta ask my parents,

Pack my clothes
and pack my goldfish.

Dwayne, you're not
movin' in here.

Why not?
Was it the goldfish?

Man, you'll love him.
He can swim.

Dwayne, dwayne, dwayne,
let me explain.

I just wanted raj to think
I had a roommate.

Oh.

Does that mean
I don't get the bed
by the window?

Dwayne, dwayne, dwayne.

♪[Shirley humming]

Ow!

Oh. Hi, raj.

Hi, shirley.

What are you doin' here?

You know what I'm doing here.

And is mama here
and does she know
what I'm doing here?

No, mama's not here,

And she knows
jean's old roommate
moved back in.

And that's all she knows,
and it'll be 50 cents
to keep it that way.

Uh, what's he paying you
not to tell your mother?

That'll be another
50 cents, raj.

What for?

For not answering
shirley's question.

Now, suppose I give
you a dollar to tell me.

I think I finally hit
pay dirt.

I see $1,
can I see $2?

How would you like
to see stars?

Sorry, shirley,
blood is thicker than money.

How come
you're not at your apartment
with rerun?

Oh, I don't have
an apartment anymore.

Rerun rented my half
out to dwayne.

Dwayne?

Well, does that mean that
you're moving back in here?

If I can.

Well now you know
I'm payin' rent
for a room now,

So if you got any intentions
of moving back in there

You can forget that, buddy.

Here.

Oh, well, maybe I could sleep
here on the couch

Until I can find a place
to live.

But in the meantime,

Shirley?

Hmm?

What about dinner?

What about it?

Well, what are we having?

Well, how about turkey?

Hey, that's great.

Good. Set the oven
for 450 and get in.

How come everybody
is being so nasty to me?

Raj, do you know
what happened this afternoon

On search for
a brighter destiny?

Dee, how would I know
what happened on search--

Martha got jealous

And told william
that francine
was seeing robert.

Francine?

Why, I thought
robert was, uh, still seein'
this josephine?

No. He hasn't seen josephine
since she lost the baby.

Girl, did she lose the baby?

Now, when did this happen?

After mary's visit.

Well, did anybody
tell franklin?

Yeah. 4 People did.

4 People?
Was the boy listenin'
when they did?

No, he's goin' deaf.

Hold it, hold it!
Hold it!

What does all of this
have to do with me?

Jealousy, raj.

That's it. Jealousy.

What are you talking about?

Jean used you
to make roy jealous

And rerun used dwayne
to make you jealous.

Of course!

There's no way
dwayne could afford
to rent that apartment.

And you know dwayne
has to borrow money
just to buy baseball cards.

That's right.

You know, you're pretty smart
for a pain in the neck kid.

Hey, and thanks
for stickin' up for me
at jean's, too.

You're welcome. And raj.

Hmm?

Next time you decide
to move in with girls,
do me a favor.

What?

Make it me and mama.

Thanks, dee.

Hello?

[Knocking on door]
hi, dee, is raj...

Oh, hold on one second.

Come in.

[Stuttering]
yeah, dwayne,

Just by coincidence
raj just walked in.

Yeah, I'll get the key
from him.

Ok, see you later,
old roomie, old buddy,
old pal,

Roomie.

Yeah, that's my main man.
My roomie, my pal.

That's old buddy, roomie, pal,
main-man dwayne, huh?

Yeah.

You never left me your key.

Yeah, I know.

What do you want here,
anyhow?

I just came to move back in.

And let you know
that I'm aware

That you
were only sayin' that dwayne
was movin' in here

To make me jealous.

And it worked.

And I don't blame you
one bit for being hurt.

And I am sorry.

Let me ask you one question.

What?

Whose turn is it to cook?

Hello, mr. Pizza?

Yeah, this is rerun again.

Uh, I like to order
2 large pizzas

With everything on them.

All right.

Hey, what are you
gonna have, raj?

[Door opening]

Hey, rerun,
what's happening?

Uh, dinner is
what's happening, roger-san.

Roger-san?

Oh, yes.

I've prepared
my famous sweet and sour
shrimp dinner.

Please bow and be seated.

[Laughing]

You're kidding.

Bow, chump.

You're not kidding.

Mmm.

Boy, that smells delicious.

Oh, yes.

And I even have chopsticks.

I have learned
how to use them.

Rerun, I'm really
proud of you, man.

And this is real class.

Uh, what's this thing?

Uh, this ancient
chinese appliance.

Observe.

[Pencil sharpener whirring]