02x20 - Diplomatic Immunity

[bunniefuu]

♪ [Music playing]

[People chattering]

Hey, raj,
what's happenin'?

Nothin'.

What?

I don't believe it.
I just can't believe it.

I waited an hour
and she never showed up.

Cheer up, raj.

Everyone gets stood up
once in a while.

You're young, handsome,
and intelligent.

There's lots of more fish
in the sea.

Oh, thanks, rerun,
that makes me feel
a little bit better.

On the other hand,
you're broke,

Skinny,

And you wear glasses.

You better go fishin'.

Ok, guys,
what's it gonna be?

Make that
a regular hamburger
and a vanilla shake.

Smart move!
What about you, rerun?

Well, im on a diet.

I havent had a single thing
to eat all day.

Hey, thats terrific!
Have you lost anything?

Yeah. Consciousness.

Yeah, I know
what you mean, rerun.

I-i'll be right back
with your burger, raj.

Thanks, shirley.

Well, uh, you wanna listen
to the lakers game tonight?

No, let's walk down
to the roller rink
and meet some girls.

Oh, come on, rerun,
you don't even know
how to skate.

I can do the same thing
I did last time.

Rerun, puttin' vaseline
on your sneakers
is not skatin'.

Whee!

Hey, hi, hi.

Hey! What's happenin'?

I'll tell you
what's happenin'.

We're the luckiest guys
in the world!

I have 3 tickets
to tonight's lakers game.

Oh, really!
You're kiddin!

I'm not kiddin'.
Look.

5Th row.

Oh, wow.
How did you get these?

Somebody gave them
to my dad.

Hey, we better get started.
It starts at 8:00.

Yeah, there's only
one small problem.

We need a ride
out to the forum.

Oh, well, can't
your father take us?

No, mom and dad,
they went out to dinner.

Tsk, we gotta have a car.
We'll never make it
by bus in time.

It's true.

Hey, here you go, raj.

Hey, shirley.
Hey, dwayne.

Oh, shirley, you have
any idea of how we might
get hold of a car?

Oh, sure.

Run through the airport
and say you're o.j. Simpson.

Raj, what are we
goin' to do now?

Rerun, is there any chance
your brother-in-law
would give us a ride?

Ike?

Yeah, he'd give me a ride

In an ambulance.

He's not even home.

He's still on vacation
with my sister.

Did they drive
on that vacation?

No. They flew to mexico.

They flew to mexico!

[Laughing]

Did you hear that?
They flew to mexico.

[Laughing]

What's so funny?

Yeah, raj,
what?

Well, I'm just laughin'
at how they flew to mexico,

And they took
all the keys with them

So nobody could get
in and out of the garage

To start up the car.

I--i start the car...

A-and--and drive it
to the forum

To see the lakers.

Great idea, rerun.

Hey, and if there's time
tomorrow, I'll even
get a license.

Come on, dwayne.

Raj, rerun said
he didn't have a license.

Oh, he's just kiddin'!

I'm going to ride
in the back seat anyway
just to be safe.

Dwayne, you have no choice.

When rerun drives,
no one else can fit
in the front seat.

[All whooping]

Hey, hi, hi.
Hey, mama.

Hey, ma.

We're home.

You missed a great game,
mrs. Thomas.

Mrs. Thomas, you had to see
lou hudson handlin'
that basket ball.

Ooh, he was bad,
right.

He was doin' like this
and the dude came runnin',
and he went ha, ha, ha.

Made his way,
went between his legs
and stopped here

And he was goin' all like this
and he takes the shot,
takes another

Went around him,

And slam--slam-dunk!

We won.

Wonderful! Wonderful!

Now go in the kitchen
and have yourself
a victory twinkie.

All right.

I better not.

Great, rerun,
you're stickin'
to your diet.

That has nothin'
to do with it.

I just want to get
ike's car back in the garage,

In case he comes back early
from his vacation.

Rerun, you better
get that car back
in a hurry.

Bye.

Later, rerun.

[Sighs]

[Door closes]
he's too much.

And how's his drivin'?
Oh, pretty good, mama.

He's very cautious,
mrs. Thomas.

He waited for the light
to turn green
before he drove off the curb.

He's just kiddin', mama.
He's a good driver.

[Car crashing]

Rerun! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Rerun!
Hey!

[Mama]
rerun, are you all right?

I'm all right.
I--i wasn't even in the car.

What do you mean?

I forgot my keys.

I was on my way back
to the house when someone
hit the car and took off.

Oh, wow, hit and run!
That's pretty bad stuff, man.

No, what's bad
is hit and hit again,

And hit again and again.

And that's what ike
is gonna do to me
as soon as he sees that car.

Well, maybe he won't see it.

Maybe he won't see it?

The whole left rear
is pushed in.

How could he not see?

Well, when ike
gets into the car,
you can go out ahead of him

And--and just lean
on the spot.

How'd you like me
to lean against you?

Rerun. Did you get
the license number?

No, mrs. Thomas.

They were gone
by the time I turned around.

He was gone.

Huh?

He, not "they" was gone.

I was lookin' out the window
and I saw the whole thing.

What did you see, dee?

I saw the man
that hit rerun's stolen car.

It's not stolen.

You took it
without permission
so it's a stolen car.

Well, never mind all that.
Just tell us what you saw.

Well, let me
put it this way.

If I had movies
of this whole accident,

Wouldn't you be willin'
to pay me $1 for them?

You took movies.

No. That's why
I'm only goin' to charge you
a quarter for the story

Without the pictures.

Dee!

A man driving a rolls royce
hit rerun's car.

A rolls royce?
Are you kiddin'?

Would I lie with a mother
in the room?

Well, dee, did you get to see
the license plate?

Well, dee?

Mama, I can make big money
off this thing.

Will you just tell us
the license number.

Consul corps 8995.

What does that mean?

Wait a minute.

I remember something
from last semester's
government class.

Where's my civics book?

Oh, here it is.

Let's see, let's see.
Consul--

Look under "k".

Consul corps.

All right. Oh, here.
It means they are
from a foreign country

It is found on the cars
of foreign officials such as
ambassadors and consuls.

That would explain the flag.

What flag?

There was a flag
on the bumper of that car.

Oh, what did
the flag look like?

Mama, I could split the money
with you and you could take
the whole day off.

The flag, dee.

It was green with
white squiggly lines on it

And it had a big camel
on the bottom.

Oh, a camel?

Ah, and squiggly lines.
That sounds
like arabic symbols.

Squiggly lines.

Ah, here it is.

Green, white,
with squiggly lines
and a camel.

Wow!

Rerun, you got hit
by the consul

From the arabian republic
of arango.

That's it, that's it!

Get me moshe dayan.
This is w*r!

Dwayne, come on.

Don't be so scared.

Oh, you still want me
to do the talkin'?

Yeah, you do the talkin',
I'll do the walkin'.

Dwayne, come on,
you're not scared,
are you?

Look, raj,
I read about these guys.
Man, they've got swords.

If you do somethin' wrong
they chop off your fingers
and your toes, man.

Dwayne, the arabs
just dress different
from us, that's all.

They're very civilized.
All we want is our money.

Yeah, then they'll raise
the price of oil again

And president carter
will blame it on us.

Dwayne, who would you
rather talk to
about the car,

The arabs or ike?

Now, get in.

Yes?

Uh, good morning
and an ali baba
on your shiekness.

Can I help you?

Uh, yes. Uh, we'd like
to see the consul.

Do you have an appointment?
Is he expecting you?

No. But last night
I wasn't expectin' him either.

Well, let me see.

What is it, hassan?

These young gentlemen
wish to see your father, amid.

Well, I'm sorry,
but my father is very busy,

And cannot see anyone
for several weeks.

And don't harass us anymore.

I'm sorry, goodbye, goodbye.

[All clamoring]

Turkey.

Could you believe that,
they slammed the door
in our faces?

Sure, we are just lucky
they didn't slam the door
on our fingers.

What are we
goin' to do now, raj?

Rerun, you can still
call the police. At least
you'll get the car fixed.

Well, ok. But you guys
gotta skip school on tuesday.

Why?

Because ike
comes home monday.

Tuesday you'll be
at my funeral.

I should have never
taken that car.

You guys back already?

What happened?

They slammed the door
on our faces.

You know, raj,

I really thought
we were goin' to get in
until that kid showed up.

[Raj]
oh, yeah!

You mean the kid
who was about 16
and wearin' glasses?

Yeah, how did you know?

He's the one that was drivin'
the rolls royce last night.

Ah-ha!

No wonder that kid
threw us out so fast.

We're goin' to call them up,
and demand our money
or we go to the police.

Let me find
this number here.

Try 5552626.

Thank you, dee.

I think I heard
the other guy call the kid
amid, or somethin'.

Right. It was amid.
Yeah.

Hello, may I speak
to amid, please?

We will get this thing settled
once and for all.

Yes, hello, amid,
my name is roger thomas.

And I'm one of the 3 guys
who came by this morning.

Now, amid,
we know that you're the one
who ran into rerun's car.

He's also the one
who just hung up on me.

He hung up on me.

Man, that's not right.

No, it's not right.
I have an idea.

What is it, dee?

Listen,

There's one thing I've learnt
in my 12 years as a pre-teen.

And that is, every kid,
all over the world,
is the same.

And my guess is that kid
took the car without
his father's permission.

Does that ring
a bell, ding-a-ling?

All right, go on dee.

So if his father is an ok guy,
he'll pay you
for what his kid did.

So let's just go back
over to the consulate
and try to talk to him.

I don't want to go back
to that place.

Come on, dwayne.

Yeah.

Yeah, all right.

Dwayne, there's nothin'--
there's nothin'
to be afraid of.

[Doorbell ringing]

Excuse me.

Yes?

Hello, my name
is dee thomas

And this is my brother
and his friends.

Yes, we have met before.
How do you do?
My name is hassan.

Hello, mr. Hassan. We'd like
to see the consul, please.

Oh, I'm sorry,
I've been instructed
to advise you

That the consul
will not be available
for several weeks.

That's ok. We'll wait.

[Rerun]
yeah, we'll wait.
We'll wait.

[Whooping]

Young lady, you simply
can't walk in here.

This is private property!

We regard this
as our soil.

Well, we regard this
as our air.

So, let's make a deal.
You use our air
and we'll use your soil.

That's called foreign trade.

Young lady,
you're being very difficult.

Look, mr. Hassan,
we came here

Because we wanted to avoid
an international incident.

[Chuckling]
international incident?

[Raj]
that's right.

That's right. An arab kid
drivin' an english car

Ran into a japanese car
on an american block.

What is
all this about?

It's about $200
to fix the car.

I don't understand.

I was told that you boys
were harassing
the consul's son

On his way home from school.

Oh, no, sir.
No, no.

No, sir. He hit our car
and didn't even
bother stopping.

Oh.

This is
a serious matter.

Yes.

I shall notify
the consul at once.

Please sit down
and please accept
my humble apologies.

Please make yourselves
comfortable.
I did not mean to be rude.

Our home
is your home.

Thanks, and your home
is my home.

Just sit down.

Oh, mr. Hassan,
I really love
your place here.

And I especially
love that vase.
It's beautiful.

You like this vase?

Mmm-hmm.

Then it is yours,
my friend.

Oh, no, no, no, no.
I don't-- don't--

In my country,
when a guest admires
an object,

It is given to him
as a gift.

Well, uh.

Not to accept
would be insulting.

I understand.
Thank you.

It is nothing.

I shall tell the consul
that you wish to see him.

Now what am I gonna do
with this thing?

Next time you want
to say somethin',
stick it in your mouth.

You care to try?

Certainly!

No, thank you.

Excuse me.

Would you be so kind
to excuse me.

I hope you don't mind.

[Sighing]

Good afternoon.

Good afternoon.

Smashing day, isn't it?

Pardon?

I said,
"smashing day, isn't it?"

I wouldn't know.
I'm not into violence.

[Laughing]

No, smashing means,
"wonderful," you see.

Oh, I get it.
You're british, right?

Yes, that's right.
And you and your friends
are americans.

Uh-huh.

That's right.

You here to see
the consul, too?

Yes, yes, I am.

What about?

Dee!

Well, he started
with his "smashing" stuff.

Each year the british
and the consul for
the republic of arango

Get together
and host a charity ball.

And we have to decide
on this year's theme.

Theme?

Yes. You know,
masquerade party,
uh, las vegas night.

Trouble is, we've--
we've done them all.

We've run out of ideas.

[Guffawing]

I've got one.
How about hospital night?

Hospital night?

Yeah, instead of throwing
a party for yourselves,

You could go down there
to general hospital and
throw one for the patients.

They probably could use one.

Bloody good idea, what?

I didn't say anything.

[Guffawing]

Bloody good idea.

Pardon?

I said "bloody good idea"
and smashing and bloody good.

Do you want to sit
next to this guy?

No, I'm happy with the vase.

The consul will see you
in a moment.
Please follow me.

Oh, well, it's been
awfully nice
talkin' to you both.

And, uh, cheerio!

Yeah, and a cap'n crunch
to you, too.

He'll join you in a moment.
Please sit down.

I'll grab a chair.

Oh, no, no,
no chair.

Make yourselves
comfortable
arabian style.

Yeah, please.

[Hassan]
oh!

This young man
needs a little assistance.

There we are.
It's about a...

Counter balance. Yes. Yes.

Thank you
very much.

Please feel free
to partake of
our humble refreshments.

Refreshments?

Yes. We have some dates
and some goat's milk,

Or would you like

A little pigeon brain?

You don't like pigeon brain?

He's already got one.

Uh, that'll be fine,
thank you.

Yes?

Oh, may I present
the consul of
the republic of arango.

Oh.

Are these the children
who have been
bothering my son?

Excuse me,
your excellency.

You were at the meeting
and I could not brief you.

They tell
a different story.

A different story?

Yes.

Then perhaps
you may explain it.
Please, go ahead.

Can we sit down
before my brother
gets a hernia?

You may sit.

There.

Thank you.

Now, how do you
know my son?

Well, last night about 10:30

Your son was driving
a rolls royce

And hit rerun's car.

Rerun?

Yeah, that's me,
your consolation.

I'm afraid it's true,
your excellency.

I checked the car
while they were waiting
and the fender is damaged.

Amid, come here, please.

Yes, father.

Oh.
Amid.

These young people tell me
that you were involved
in an accident last night.

Yes, father.

You told me
you were going to bed.

Yes, father. I'm sorry.

This is the 2nd time
this month
you've lied to me.

Last time,
you took the car
and missed school.

Ooh, amid,
you're gonna get in trouble.

I will not
stand for it.

You will receive
the maximum punishment.

No, amid!
Don't cut off his fingers!
He's just a kid!

Why do you defy me,
my son?

I hate my school!

It's a school
for foreign children.

I am in america!

I want to see america
and I want to know americans!

If john wayne
could only hear this.

I never knew this.

Hey, listen, amid,
if it's ok with your father,

Maybe sometime you could
come down to the soda shop
and meet our friends.

You mean it?

[Both]
yeah.
Yeah, sure.

Oh, father, is it possible?

Perhaps.

But as a punishment,
you will be confined
to your room for one week

And you must pay
for the repairs of the car
out of your allowance.

Yes, the estimate is $191.

Ok.

$20, $40, $50,

$150, 170, $190, And $1.

That's your allowance?

Oh, no,
not all of it.

Amid, meet
your new american friend.

Give me 5-- hundred.

Well, then it's all settled.

And now, I do have
other things to attend to.

Please, excuse me. Goodbye.

Bye.

Do you think that maybe
we could go to
a--a baseball game?

Do you know anything
about baseball?

No, no, not at all.

Oh, you'll love it.
There's this huge stadium.

And you go in
and eat all you want.

Excuse me, sir.

I want to apologize.

We
we came barging in here.

We really didn't
mean to be pushy.

I understand.

Peace be with you.
as salaam alaikum.

Solomon?

Whos solomon? My name
pay attention to a person.

Peace.

[In british accent]
smashing!

Ooh, that really
is beautiful, raj.

Mmm-hmm, you see,
all these things tell a story.

That's what I love
about arabian art.

See, there's the sun,

See, it probably
means, uh...

There's a sun.

Good, raj.

No, look, see. There's a boy
runnin' across the desert.

And there's a girl
runnin' away from him.

Here's somethin', raj.
It's in arabic words, too.

Maybe you can
figure them out.

Oh, what does it say?
They might be the secret code
to the whole thing.

I mean, this thing
could be worth millions.

Mmm-hmm.

"Mah dee eenj apahn."

Mah dee eenj apahn.

Mah dee eenj.

Mah dee eenj.

[Laughing]

Mah dee eenj.

"Mah dee eenj apahn"?

Made in japan.