02x19 - Raj and the Older Woman

[bunniefuu]

I'm never gonna
pass this course.

Why do we need the new math?

Doesn't the old math
still work?

Yeah, rerun, but the, uh,
new math's quicker.

All right, say you wanna
multiply 6 by 2.

Ok.

The 2 you divide in half,
that's 1 twice.

Right.

Each 1, you multiply by 6.
That's 6 and 6.

Uh-huh.

Add 6 and 6, and that's 12.
And there's your answer.

What?

12. 12, Rerun.
12 Is the answer.

What was the question?

Hey, what's happening!

[Dwayne]
whoa!

Raj, you can't play basketball
dressed like a preacher.

Yeah, man, what are you
all dressed up for?

Uh, I was absent from school
when they took pictures
for the yearbook.

Oh, well, hurry up
and change.

The game starts
in 20 minutes.

I can't. I have to go
to the photography studio.

My mama will k*ll me
if I don't get
this picture taken.

You know, raj,
that suit makes you look
a lot older.

Ah, thank you, dwayne.

Yeah, but the, uh,
tie gives it away.

It's fine, it's fine.
Give me a nice smile now.

There we go.
Beautiful, that's what
we're looking for.

Great, great.
There we go.

Come on, jeannie.

Beautiful.

All right, jeannie,
that's great.
You can get dressed now.

Oh, thanks.

But you don't have to.

But I think I will.

Otherwise, I might look
a little strange going home
on the bus.

[Laughs]

Right, right.
I--i just meant

You're beautiful
just the way you are.

Oh, thank you.

Hi, I'm jeannie wilson.

Roger thomas.

Are you here
for the beer commercial?

Beer commercial?
Mmm-hmm.

Oh, oh, yeah, right.

"It's the light brew,
with the foamy texture

For the macho man
with a sincere taste."

Good.
I knew you were an actor,

The moment
I laid eyes on you.

You did? You did?

Yeah, i-i've done
a few roles.

Oh, really?
Which ones?

Ah, did you see star wars?

Yeah.
I was him.

Ah, come on.

Yeah, yeah.
I--i was one of the robots.

Which one?

The cute one.

You know,
the one that went, um...

[Mimicking robot chattering]

How long have you
been acting?

Ah, well, let's see,
I'm 21 now.

Ah, 4 years, uh,

Ever since I graduated
high school with honors.

Of course.

How old are you?
I'm 19.

19?
Mmm-hmm.

That was a great age
for me.

I was gonna star
in one flew
over the cuckoo's nest.

Really?

Yeah, but they decided
to go white.

You see, at 19,
I was black.

[Laughing]

[Clearing throat]

Uh, so only 19, huh?

Yeah, but I can play
older parts.

Here's a picture
to give you an idea.

Oh, great. It gives me
lots of ideas.

Ok, now,
I'm ready for you now.

What did you say
your name was again?

Thomas, mr. Roger thomas.

And you're here
for the high--

The high. Hi, hi, hi.

[Jeannie]
bye.

Bye, bye, bye.

[Knocking on door]

What happened, dee?
You smashed your hand?

Back off, fool.
You're messing up
my nail polish.

Nail polish.
Hey, hey, hey!

Where's raj?

Upstairs.

Hey, raj, hurry up,
we're gonna be late
for the movies.

Uh, sorry, fellas,

I have a date
in a half hour. Can't go.

With who?

An older woman.

How old is she?

Uh, around 20.

I met her
at the photography studio.

And take a look.

What a great picture.

Look at that bikini.

It's not the bikini
I'm lookin' at.

It's the hotdog stand
in the background.

Hey, raj, man,
how'd you pull this off?

Oh, charm, good looks,
and a great personality.

Bring some of that
hot air over here.

It'll help me
dry my nails.

Hey, I got a great idea.

Why don't you bring her
to the movies with us?

Movie?

That would be very boring
for a woman of the world.

I am taking her to dinner
at the eiffel tower.

Paris? Raj, you'll miss
your biology test, monday.

It's a restaurant
in beverly hills.

Very fancy.

But do you have
the money for that?

Well, I got most of it.

But, uh, I still need
a little bit more.

Tsk, what am I going to do?

I'll help you out,
brother raj.

You want to take her
to a reasonable
french restaurant?

Take her to
jacques-in-the-box.

Well, all right,
here raj, I got $2, man,

If you promise
to pay me back.

I promise.

Raj, I got $1.50,

But you got to promise
to tell us everything
that happens.

Everything.

I'll tell you everything.
Look, you guys go.
I gotta get out of here, too.

All right, later on, raj.

Later, pipsqueak.

Hi, mrs. Thomas.
Oh, hi.

Oh, bye, mr. Thomas.

Hi, mama.

Hi, baby.
Hi, mama.

Raj.

Hey.

Don't you look nice?

Thank you, mama.

Why are you all dressed up
in your sunday outfit?

Is there a church social
or something tonight?

Possibly, raj.

Is there, raj?

Well, I mean...

Why else would I be dressed up
in my sunday outfit?

Young lady, what
have you got on
the tip of your fingers?

My nails.

Dee.

Nail polish.

Face it, mama,
I'm not getting any younger.

Now that's the trouble
with this generation.

Everybody's growing up
too fast.

Let me fix this
for you, raj.

But not my roger.

Have a nice time
at the church tonight,
darlin'.

Thank you, mama.
All right.

[Laughing]

Raj.

Yes.

Your tie is out.

Oh, thank you, dee.

You don't understand.
Your tie is out.

And then?

And then we ordered
hamburger for me,
uh, leg of lamb for her.

Wow! And then?

Ah, then we ordered
chocolate souffle for dessert.

And then?

The waiter brought our food.

The waiter
brought their food.

And then?

We ate dinner.

They ate dinner.

What happened
after dinner, raj?

Ah, she went
to the ladies' room.

Oh, the ladies room,
that's heavy.

A-and then what happened?

Uh, I walked her home.

Hey, I don't wanna
hear that stuff,

Tell me more
about the leg of lamb.

Rerun.

What happened after
you walked her home?

Uh, she went inside.

Yeah?

That's it.

That's it?

You mean to tell me
you spent $20
to walk a girl home?

You didn't even get
to kiss her good night?

Older women don't go
for that kid stuff.

I'm playin' it cool.
See, she'll be
at the photographer's

This afternoon,
and I'll just drop by.

We'll go with you.

Yeah, I want to see her
in her bikini.

No, you won't.

You guys aren't going.

She doesn't know I'm 17.
You'll blow it for me.

Say I'm your son.

Me, too.
We won't tell.

I know.
Because you won't be there.

Well, I'll see
you later, kids.

[Laughing]

[Johnson]
beautiful, jeannie,
there you go, great.

[Camera clicking]
beautiful, fine.
Very good.

[Coughing]

Mr. Johnson.

Who are you?

Darryl wayburn.
I'm here to pose
for my picture.

What picture?

High school yearbook,
mr. Johnson.

Oh, yeah, yeah.
You kids drive me crazy.

I mean, you were supposed to
be here 2 days ago.

I'm sorry, mr. Johnson,
but I had a cold.

[Sniffing]
but I'm over it now.
Excuse me.

Yeah, why don't you
just give me 5 minutes, ok?

Ok, ok.

Ok, now let's get back
to work, jeannie. Here we go.

Uh, excuse me.
Eh, mr. Johnson, uh,

I--i bought a tie.
Should I put it on?

Well, the dressing room's
right back there,
mirrors and everything.

I'll just put this tie on.

I'll be right back,
all right?

[Door closing]

Ok, where were we?
Here we go.

Hello! Hello!

[Tittering]

Uh, I just dropped by
for my, uh, pictures.

Did they come out good?

I'm a photographer,
not a plastic surgeon.

Ok, I'll get them for you.

Hi, roger.
I had a nice time
last night.

Yeah, so did i.

Um, would you like
to go out again?

What time?

[Sighs]

Let's see.
I'm starring in a play.

It starts at 7:00.
How about 7:30?

Now here are
your pictures.

Uh, thank you, johnson.

Jeannie, why don't you,
uh, put on that outfit

While i, uh,
get reloaded, ok?

Ok. Bye, roger.

Ok, bye.

Bye.

ciao.

Was that roger I just heard?
Roger thomas?

Yeah. You know him?

Yeah. He lives around
the corner from me.

We go to the same school.

Oh, acting school?

No. High school.

No, you have
the wrong roger thomas.

Didn't you see him
in star wars?

Yeah, he sat right next to me
in the balcony.

Balcony?

Raj, can I give you
some advice, free of charge?

No.

Suit yourself,
only trying to help.

I don't need your help.

If you don't need my help,
you don't need my help.

Right on.

What's the free advice?

The free advice was free
when I offered it to you.

You turned it down.

Now the free advice
is a quarter.

Oh, yeah?
Then just skip it.

Shh.

All right.

All right, what?

Here's a--
here's a quarter.

Quarter?

You walked out on me
when I was going to let you
steal my free advice

For a quarter.

Now my free advice
is 5o cents.

Phew.

Here's another quarter.
Now what is the advice?

Sit down.

[Sighing]

Women like men
who are intelligent,
bright, and strong.

So never, I mean,
never let her know
you were stupid enough

To pay 50 cents
for free advice.

[Knocking on door]

Raj!

[Raj]
yeah!

Get the door. I'm busy.

Dee.

Look, you--you know
I'm in a hurry.

Then move it.

Hi, roger.

Oh.

Aren't you going
to invite me in?

Oh, sure.
Come on in.

Thank you.

Hi, my name's dee.

My brother's not
the politest person on earth.

Uh, yeah, dee,
meet jeannie.

Hi, dee.

Yeah, dee's my sister.

Hey, make yourself
at home, dee.

She visits me
at my bachelor pad
from time to time.

Yeah, to collect
my allowance.

Well, as you can see,
I need to get dressed, ahem.

I must have dozed off
in my jacuzzi.

Well, I'll be right back.

My clothes are all laid out
on my water bed.

You can sit down.

Oh, thank you.

So, you're
miss beautiful model.

Well,
I wouldn't say beautiful.

Raj did.

He's sweet. He said
some wonderful things
about you, too.

He did?

Yes, he did.

That's a switch.

So, tell me,
what's it like being old?

Old? I wouldn't say
I was old, either.

Raj did.

That's because to him,
I am old.

Oh. Then you know
he's still in high school.

Yes. I found out by accident.
That's why I'm here,

To break our date
for tonight.

Poor raj. Be kind.

I'll try.

I'll get lost.
Tell raj I'm at a friend's.

Ok.

Did he really
say nice things about me?

Yes. He said that
you were very smart,

And that you had
your head on straight.

He didn't say anything
about my mouth?

[Chuckles]
no.

Look, jeannie,
if you put raj down
just because he's younger,

He's going to feel terrible.

Yeah, any advice?

Listen, jeannie,

Raj will buy anything.
He's a pushover.

Just push him over easy.

I will. And dee, thanks.

Bye.
Bye.

♪ Every little breeze

♪ Seems to whisper jeannie

You look beautiful.

Thank you, roger.

[Sighing]

Where's dee?

Oh, she went over
to a friend's.

♪ Every little breeze

Roger, I'd really
like to talk to you.

Ah, and I'd like
to talk to you.

Shall we talk
on the couch?

Where else?

[Chuckling]

[Sighing]

Now what do you want
to talk about?

I'd like to talk
about us.

Ah, my favorite couple.

Let me get close,
so I can hear.

Every word.

Well, what I wanted
to say, dear, was--

Hey, hey, hey!
What's happenin'!

Excuse me.

[Jeannie]
uh-huh.

What are you guys
doing here?

She's not bad, raj.

I know. Would you leave?

Roger, aren't you going
to introduce me?

See, raj. I'm dwayne,
one of his nephews.

And I'm little rerun.

Hi, fellas.
Roger and I were just
about to have a tete-a-tete.

Tete-a-tete?
Did you hear that, rerun?

They're going
to have a tete-a-tete.

All right.
Hey, I'll just have
a little taste of tete.

And then we'll be off.

Will you please
get out of here?

All right.
We're goin'.

Wow, right
in your own house.

Bye, dwayne.
Bye.

Bye, little rerun.

[Rerun]
see you later.

Yes, much.
Bye.

Ah, kids today.

[Tittering]

Oh, now.

Where were we?

We were right here.

I'm so glad you're finally
making your move.

Just call me bekins.

[Laughs]

Don't you think
it's time we stopped
all this kid stuff?

Sure.

Are you ready?

Uh-huh.

I hope you know
what you're doing.

I'll figure it out.

Good. Because when I fall
in love, it's forever.

Forever?

That's right.
I'll belong only to you.

I'll quit working.

[Stuttering]

Wait a minute. Why?
You're young, you're healthy.

You've got your whole future
ahead of you.

But why should I work?
Your acting career's
going beautifully.

Besides, who'll take care
of the kids?

What kids?

Well, after I move in here,
we might as well start--

Move in here?

Yeah. After I move in here,

We might as well
start raising a family.

I figure I'll have a baby
every year.

A baby?
But what will my mama think?

Your mother?

Uh, well, she visits me
from time to time.

That's nice.
But enough of that.

[Groaning]

Maybe I've got something
to tell you.

I got something to tell you.

See, look, there is something
you should know about me.

Look, I'm--i'm going to be
very honest with you.

I want you to be strong,
because what I'm going to say
might hurt you.

What is it, raj?

My acting career
is not going as well
as you think it is.

I mean, I did star wars,
but after that nothing.

Nothing?

Nothing, you see, jeannie,
an actor's life is a hard one.

There's no business
like show business.

You're riding high in april,
you're shot down in may.

And as the final curtain--

Oh, roger, roger.

Does that mean goodbye?

I'm afraid so, jeannie.

As the french say,
hasta la vista.

Ok.

Bye, roger. And thanks
for letting me down easy.

Hi, raj.

I just saw miss beautiful.

Yeah, well, she had to
go home early,

You know, she's a model,
you know.

Oh, yeah?
What did you talk about?

Oh, you know, just things.
But it got kind of dull.

I don't think I'm gonna
see her anymore.

Why is that?

After I talked to her
for a while,

I just realized
I didn't like her that much.

I can believe that.

You can?

Yeah, she wasn't your type.

Yeah, she wasn't,
was she?

You were too good for her.

Yeah, I was too good for her.

That's nice of you, dee.

Thanks.

Thanks?

I'm not in
the thanks business, bub.

This one's on me.

And then?

What more can I say?

I mean, she did
a little of this

And I did
a little of that.

A little of what?

See, I don't know
what "this" is

And I don't know what
"that" is,

And I may not even know
what "this and that" is
when you tell me.

But it may not matter
because you only did
"a little of it," anyway.

But I want to hear it
word for word.
What is "this" and "that"?

How old are you?

16.

Tsk, well, you're too young
to know about "that."

But I will tell you
what "this" is.

"This" is baloney.

'Cause nothing happened.
We broke up.

No kiddin'.

No kidding.

Well, don't feel bad.

I've spent the past 3 years
with an older woman.

And believe me,
it was no thrill.

What older woman
did you spend
3 years with, rerun?

My senior homeroom teacher.