02x13 - Black and White Blues

[bunniefuu]

I'm telling you,
notre dame is gonna
beat u.s.c. Today.

How can you say that?

They got
more speed than u.s.c.

Have you ever seen
the tailback on notre dame?

Oh, yeah.
That's my favorite movie.

No, shirley, that's
"the hunchback of notre dame."

Yeah, quasimodo!

Hey, wait a minute.

All right, everybody,
get your raffle tickets.

Church raffle tickets.
Go away.

You don't want them?
Raffle tickets?

Just helping
out orphans.

Hey, shirley, shirley.

Uh-huh? Yeah?

This is your last chance
to win a color t.v. Set.

Now, come on,
buy a raffle ticket.

Uh, no thanks, raj,
I don't gamble.

That's not true.
Sometimes you eat here.

Oh, shirley, come on,

All the money goes to
the mid-city orphanage.

It's only a quarter.
And you'll have
the satisfaction

Of knowing you have made
some unwanted child happy.

I do that.

Every time I bring
rerun something to eat.

How about you, dwayne?
You haven't bought
any raffle tickets.

No, I'm broke.
You got $20.

$20!

Oh, $20.
You could buy 80 tickets.

I could also buy
a wilson j-5 official
n.f.l. Football.

Which is what I'm gonna buy.

A football?

[Both laughing]

You're gonna spend
your hard-earned money
to buy a football?

Well, what's wrong
with that?

Yeah, what's wrong
with that?

Dwayne, picture this.

A t.v. Special.

Starring lola falana...
Oh, yeah?

Diana ross...
Yeah.

And pam grier.
Oh, wow, when, what channel?

It doesn't matter
what channel, because
your little sister

Wants to watch
the bionic duck.

Raj, I don't have
a little sister.

Oh, your sister, your mother,
what difference does it make?

Just use your imagination.

Now, you wanna watch
that special, right?

Right.
All right, dwayne,

You've got 2 choices:

You can either go to your room
and look at your football,

Or you can watch those
gorgeous, luscious foxes

In living color,
on your own
personal t.v. Set.

Now, dwayne,
what's it gonna be?

Say anything you want, raj.
I'm not gonna buy a ticket.

Ok.

I just hope
the orphans understand.

But I'm sure they will.

You have to be tough
to be an orphan.

Learning to live
without luxuries like

Clothing, shelter, food.

But, uh, if it
doesn't bother them,
why should it bother you?

You don't wanna buy
a ticket, just say you
don't wanna buy a ticket.

It's perfectly
all right with me.

I don't want to buy a ticket.

Don't you ever
speak to me again.

Dwayne is smart. I've got
that t.v. Set won already.

Why, are all those
raffle tickets?

That's right.

That still doesn't mean
you're gonna win.

Dwayne, I bought 38 tickets.
I've got to win the t.v. Set

Or at least
one of the other prizes.

Here we are, rerun.

Ok, now that
will be $1.75.

All I have is
$1.50.

Can you put the other
quarter on the cuff?

I'm gonna put this
on your lip.

You know we don't
extend credit.

Then you'll have to
send something back.

No, not that!

You're gonna have
to come up with
a quarter, jumbo.

I don't have a quarter.

Then I'll take
one of these.

You can't take my ticket.

Then I'll take your food.

Here's my ticket.

Nice doing
business with you.

Oh, rerun,
forget the food.

Come on,
we're gonna miss the game.

Ok. Hey, shirley.

[Shirley]
yeah?

Put this in a doggie bag.

Now where am I gonna get
a doggie bag?

Any bag you carry
is a doggie bag.

[All laughing]

You, uh,
you hear some of that?

Oh, no.
Huh?

Now, dee, before
you go to that party,

Be sure you finish
the vacuuming.

Yes, mom.

And don't forget to
straighten up your room.

Ok, mama.
Ok, darling, see you later.

Oh! Hi, raj.
Hi, ma.

Hi, mrs. Thomas.
Hi, mrs. Thomas.

Look, if you boys
are gonna be here,

I don't want you
messin' up my house.

And stay out of
the kitchen, rerun.

And keep your feet off
my furniture.

[Sighing]

Well, I'll be back about 4:00.

And remember what I said.

Yes, mama.

[people cheering]

Look, raj.
The pre-game show is on.

Oh, wow. That means
we missed the coach's corner

And the locker room show.

Well, at least we'll
still see pigskin preview,

And behind the bench,

And the finals of
the howard cosell
look-alike contest.

All right, they're
interviewing a pom-pom girl.

Hey, dee!

Dee, what are you doing?
You're messing up
the reception.

She knows what she's doing.
Turn that off.

Dee, turn that thing off.

What are you doing?
We're watching
a football game.

So watch it.
It won't bother me.

Turn that thing off.

Dee, can't you
do it later?

Mama said, I have to
do my work

Before I can go to
sissy perdue's party.

So back off.

I'll do it for you
after the game.

Just go to the party.

Let me get this straight.
You wanna watch t.v. So bad

That you're willing to do
my vacuuming for me?

Yeah, yeah, anything.
Just go.

I couldn't let you do that.

Why not?

Because when
I'm through here

I have to go upstairs
and clean my room.

And if I'm gonna do that
I might as well do this too.

Dee, turn that--
turn that thing--

Raj, will you go clean
her room so we can watch
the rest of the game?

Ok, I'll clean your room,
I'll clean it.

Just go to the party.
Thanks, raj.

What are you doin'?

It's not polite to be
the first one at a party.

Will you just go.

I'll go,
but it's bad form.

All right,
what's happening?

They're interviewing
the players.

Yeah, but the picture's
so bad

I can't even tell which is
notre dame and which is s.c.

S.c. Is in the dark grey

And notre dame
is in the light grey.

It's an old set.
It's the best I can do.

Bring it to the left, raj.
To the left, yeah.

Now, bring it back
to the right, raj.

[Dwayne]
more. All right, up, up. Yeah.

Now, down,
down, down.

More, down, down.

All right, hold it.

Now lift up
your right foot, raj.

Right there,
right there. Hah.

I wish we could
see it in color.

Yeah, isn't there
anybody we know
with a color t.v.?

Hey, I got a great idea.

What about the color t.v.
Down at the church?

Hey, we can't do that.
That's for the church raffle.

But I'll win it for sure.
It's practically mine.

It's only a matter of time.

Um, I don't know, rerun.

Raj, you're the chairman
of the committee.

It's your duty to
check out the grand prize
and make sure it works.

[Laughing]
yeah, it would
be terrible to

Give away a defective
t.v. Set, wouldn't it?

It sure would.

You guys go ahead.
I'd rather stay here

And watch the game
on raj's crummy t.v.

What are you worried about?

Gettin' in trouble.
I always get in trouble.

Dwayne, all we're gonna do
is go to church

And watch a little t.v.

We can't watch
a football game
in the church.

Yes, we can. As long as
we root for notre dame.

Ok, bring it in.

I'll set up
the table over here.

We must be crazy.

3 Black guys
walking down the street
carrying a t.v.

We're lucky
we're not in jail.

You didn't want to
watch it in church, dwayne.

How were we gonna watch it
with poor mr. Watson
in the room with us?

The funeral was at 3:00,

He would've been
buried by halftime.

You bring it over here.

Oh, rerun,
look you broke it.

Don't worry about it.
Don't worry about it.

The way they pack
these things today,

You can drop them off
a building,
they won't break.

Grab the cord and plug it in
over there, rerun.

What's that t.v. Doin' here?

I didn't have
anything to do with it,
it was all their idea.

They brought it here
from the church.

I don't even like football,
you know what I mean--

Uh, why aren't you
at the party?

Sissy perdue's parents
got into a fight,

It was the dumbest thing
in the world.

Who ever heard of
two adults fighting
because a rabbit died?

Oh, I see.

That explains why I'm home.

Now, what's that brand-new
color t.v. Set doing here?

I can explain that.

Well?

None of your business.

I just asked, so I know
what to tell the police.

Huh? Wait, wait,
wait a minute.

It's--it's not stolen.
We borrowed it
from the church.

You stole from the church?

No! Borrowed.
We borrowed it
from the church.

We're just gonna
test the set,

Then we're gonna
take it right back.

Um, it's my duty as chairman
of the raffle committee

To check out the grand prize.

Let's check it out.
Yeah.

[commentator on t.v.]
here in south bend.
hah, what a game.

a perfect saturday
for football.

temps in the low 50's,
slight wind from my right.

with the score tied,
we're ready for
this fourth down play.

[screeching]

Hey, we lost the picture.

And the sound.

Oh, well, when we dropped it
we broke it.

You broke
a brand-new color t.v. Set

That belongs to the church?

We--we didn't mean it.
It was an accident. Honest.

Don't tell me. Tell god.

Your end
hit the ground first!

I told you not to
drop the t.v. Set!
You should've--

Hey, wait a minute,
wait a minute.

This is no time to panic.

This is as good
a time as any.

Now come on,
just come over here

And let's discuss
this thing calmly, please.

What about the game?

God's punishing us
and you're worried
about a football game?

Don't get uptight just b
ecause you broke a t.v. Set.

[Both chattering]

Wait a minute! Wait a minute,
we're all in this.

Now, I'm sure if we put
our heads together,

I bet we can
figure out something.

How much you wanna bet?

Could you
please stay out of this?

I'm not in this. I'm clean.

All right, look.
Maybe we should

Just take the television
back to the church,

And just tell rev. Bailey
that we borrowed it

And brought it home
then accidentally broke it.

Honesty is
the best policy.

What's the second best policy?

Why don't we just
have the set fixed?

It--it can't cost much.
It was only a little bump.

Great idea, rerun.

I wish I could help out,

But I spent all my money
on raffle tickets.

Maybe we could
borrow the money.

This is where I leave.

Oh, wait a minute, dee.
Haven't I always been
a good brother?

And helped you
in your times of need?

Will a simple
yes or no do?
Yes.

No.

Well, she's the only person
I know with cash on hand.

Yeah, I can't think
of anybody else.

Uh-uh! If you're thinking
about my $20, forget it,

'Cause I was against
this thing from the start.

Let's just
take the set back

And not tell anyone
what we did.

Mmm-hmm,
that's dishonest.

What are you bucking for?
Eagle scout?

Hey, why confess
before we have to?

Dwayne's right.

With all those
raffle tickets I bought,
I might win.

It could happen, raj.

Ok, ok. If we win it,
then we're in the clear.

But if we don't,
we have to
pay for the damages.

But then, that way,
they'll know we broke it.

No, they won't.

We'll just, uh, say the money
is part of the prize.

Sort of like a
service warranty.

Right. No one will
ever know.

So can we count
on the $20?

Please, dwayne.
Uh, uh, we'll pay you back.

Yeah.

All right.
But what if somebody

Sees us sneaking the set
back into the church?

Hey, don't worry.

We'll time it so
when we bring it in,
everybody's looking down.

Great, raj.
In the middle of prayers.

No, in the middle of bingo.

Roger, would you
come here a minute?

Yes, mama?

What is wrong
with your sister?

Yesterday I gave her
some things to do
around the house.

And do you know, she
didn't do them?

Oh no, mama, it's my fault.
I told her I would
do 'em for her,

But I got so caught up
in the game, I forgot.

Ok, I'll let it
slide this time.

Well, after all, it was
the biggest game of the year.

Too bad you guys couldn't
watch it in color.

Color! Why would we
wanna do that?

Believe me, mama,
we were glued to this
old black and white set.

We never even
left the house.

All right, all right, ok.

What you getting
so excited about?

Oh! Oh, mrs. Thomas,
what are you doing here?

I live here!

He's just nervous about
the raffle, mrs. Thomas.

Yeah, that's it, I'm just
nervous about the uh--

Raffle.
Right, the raffle.

Well, what's that?

That's his lucky
rabbit's foot.

And he's got
his lucky 4-leaf clover
in his wallet.

Yeah, and rerun gave me
a pair of horseshoes.

You shouldn't
walk around barefoot, rerun.

You must really
want to win that
t.v. Set bad, dwayne.

How many raffle tickets
did you buy?

None.

None?

You're gonna
have to be real lucky.

Hey, isn't the drawing
this afternoon?

Why do you ask?

'Cause I'd like
to buy me a ticket.

This could be
my lucky day.

Uh, no, mama.
This isn't your lucky day.

You'd just be wasting
your money, mrs. Thomas.

I think I can afford
a quarter to help
the orphanage, rerun.

No, you don't have to
help the orphans.

They have
everything they need.

Come on. Let's go.

Uh, roger,

I hope it isn't serious.

What, mama?

The thing you've
done wrong

That I'm gonna find out
about sooner or later.

[Tittering]

Um, well.

Bye, mom.
Bye, roger.

Well, young lady,
since you're here,

You might as well
do the vacuuming.

All right.
Ok.

Here you go.
Turn it around.

[Sputtering]

The vacuum cleaner
is broken, mama.

Too bad.
See you later.

Uh, hold it young lady,
hold on. It's not broken.

It's just the outlet.
It's been giving me
a lot of trouble lately.

[Vacuum cleaner starts]

[Vacuum cleaner stops]

[Sighs]

I think it's a short.

Wait a minute.

You mean if you were to
plug something else
into that outlet,

Like a clock radio,
a toaster,

Or even a brand-new
color t.v. Set,
it wouldn't work?

Probably not.

I think have to
get the darn thing fixed.

You mean nothing
works from that outlet?

Well, sometimes it does and
sometimes it just doesn't.

You know what?
Since we can't
do any cleaning,

I think I'll go down
to the church and help raj.

Ah, he's in some kind
of trouble, isn't he?

Don't worry,
I can handle it, mama.

I wonder, is there
something I can do?

My room.

Dee, come back here, dee.

I wish he would hurry up
and draw for that
television set already.

Oh, just relax, dwayne.
There's just one more
prize to go.

And for you language buffs,

A delightful 3-record set
of spanish lessons.

And the winning number is:

7-8-3-5.

7-8-3-5.

I--i got it.
I won the spanish lessons.

muchos gracias.

That is my lucky day.

It sure is, frederick.

Uh, you can save yourself
a lot of trouble

And give me
the t.v. Set now.

Oh, frederick, now, now.

[Rerun]
hey, I won a spanish set.

Raj, I got to talk to you.

Not now.

And now for the moment
that we've
all been waiting for.

We're about to draw
for the color t.v. Set.

Raj, listen to me.

Be quiet, dee. He's drawing
for the t.v. Set.

But I've got something
very important to tell you.

It's a good thing
I got here in time.

Shh, he's drawing the ticket.

And the winning number...

Is number:

8-5-3-4.

8-5-3-4?

Anyone?

I got it, I got it!

[Laughing]

I won again.
This day is my lucky day.

Give me the set.

Congratulations,
frederick.

Thanks.
Gimme the set.

Uh, frederick,

Uh, may I see
your ticket, please?

Oh, you wanna
see my ticket?

Sure.

Uh, frederick,

The winning number
is 8-5-3-4.

Your ticket number
is 2-2-1-7.

Oh, I must have
read it wrong.

Does this mean you
won't give me the set?

Sorry, frederick.

8-5-3-4 Anyone?

Since it's not necessary
to be present to win,

We will look up
the winning number
in our receipt book.

Now what did you
do that for?

He's a reverend.
I thought he'd trust me.

Did they give, uh,
give away the t.v.?

Yeah, but
we didn't win it.

Well, who did?

The lucky fool
who has 8-5-3-4.

Yeah? Let's see
what I got. 8-5-3-4.

Whoa! 8-5-- Read it
and weep. Look at that.

That's my--that's
my ticket. Give it back.

It's mine now,
I'm the lucky fool.

I don't believe it.
Why that ticket?

What rotten luck.

Oh, well. Where's
the $20, dwayne?

Right here.

What's the $20 for?

Well, you know
we broke the set,

We're gonna give the money
to shirley and say
it's part of the prize.

So she can use it
to get it fixed. That's
the way it's gonna be.

That's not
the way it has to be.

Just be quiet, dee.

Maybe you'll listen to me.

I can get you
out of this mess.

Look, dee, there's nothing
you could say right now
that I would want to hear.

Now we did something
wrong and we admit it.

But, raj--
no buts.

Now, you're the last person
I want to hear from right now,

So, once and for all,
keep your mouth shut. Ok?

Ok.

Roger, a fine job
on the raffle.

Come and congratulate
our winner.

[Sighing]

Congratulations, shirley.
Thank you, raj.

[All]
congratulations.
Thanks, guys.

Don't forget to give
the winner her $20.

I beg your pardon?

There's $20 that goes
with the set in case
something goes wrong.

Isn't there, raj?

Yes.

Well, then give her
the envelope.

Thanks a lot.
Look, rev.

What a lovely surprise.

Speaking of surprises.
Let's turn on the set.

I'm sure everyone would
like to see if it works.

That's a good idea.

I thought it was.

Boy, are you lucky
we're in church.

Let us pray.

What a lovely picture.

It's a miracle.

I'd also like to
have a new stereo
and an "a" in history.

[Muttering]

And 2 pieces
with everything.

And 2 pieces
with everything.

To go.
To go.

Amen.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Dwayne, will you please
hold that flashlight steady?

I'm trying, raj,
but my hand is shaking.

You know
I don't like the dark.

Well, at least
bring the light closer.

Uh-uh.

Why not?

I dont like
electricity either.

Will you just hand me
the wire cutters?

Ok, where are they?

Look in the toolbox
and you'll find them.

Ow!

Great, you found them.

Thank you.

Are you almost finished?

Yeah. If this lamp goes on,
that means the outlets fixed.

Hit the main fuse.

Uh-uh!

Now what

This whole house could go
and I could get electrocuted.

Will you just
turn on the lights?

Dwayne.

See, raj, I knew it. You
dont know the first thing
about electricity.

The whole house
is pitch black.

Dwayne, will you try
opening your eyes?

Oh, congratulations, raj.

Can I ask you a question?
Is there anything
youre not afraid of?

Yeah, rice.

Rice? How come you
not afraid of rice?

You mean I should be?

Never mind.

We got to get over
to shirley
watch that movie in color.

Oh yeah, she said
she wouldn't seat anybody
after the first 5 minutes.

Wheres rerun? Were late.

Oh, he
spanish records he won.

He

Well, you talked to him.
What did he say?

He said, uh,


el sol aqui en la playa.

That means


[Knocking]

♪ ole!

What are you doing?

Im getting ready
for the bull.

So are we.

Rerun, did you learn
any spanish at all?

Yeah, buenos dias
is good morning.

buenos noches
is good night.

All you can say is
good morning and good night.

What are you going to do
the rest of the day?

I learned enough
spanish to get by.

Oh, yeah?
What else can you say?

tacos, burritos,
enchiladas, taquitos,

♪ ole! Ole!

[together]
♪ ole! Ole! Ole!