02x09 - Bill Gets Married

[bunniefuu]

Ok, dwayne,
you had a soda.
That's 25 cents.

And raj, you had
a large orange, french fries,
and a hamburger.

That's 95 cents.
Thank you.

Here's $1,
and you can
keep the nickel.

Oh, raj gave me
a nickel,

Oh, not 4 pennies,
but a nickel.

Raj gave the kid
a nickel.

A whole nickel!
Here, shirley, shirley,

Here's-- here's some more,
here's a dime.

Thank you so much.

Dwayne, uh, uh,
no, ok, rerun,

Now you had a sundae,
some french fries,
and a pie a la mode.

A hot dog, chili,

A side order of onion rings.

Malt.

All right, this is gonna take
some time to figure this out.

Hi, raj.

Hi, dee. Oh, hi, lee.

Hi, dee.
Where you been?

Think about it, rerun.

Mouse ears,
mickey mouse doll,
and a disneyland banner.

Now where do you think
we've been?

Disneyland?

You got it, sherlock.

Uh, lee, you know rerun
and dwayne already.

Yeah, hi, fellas.

And this is
shirley wilson.

Hello, shirley.

Shirley,
that's lee henderson.

Oh, hi.

Oh, I have to do this
on the addin' machine, rerun.

You're up to triple figures.

Lee, would you care
to sit down?

Oh, gee,
no thank you, raj.
We really gotta get goin'.

I got a lot to do
before dinner.

She's a little anxious
about the dinner
she's cooking for you tonight.

Yeah, that's right.

Well, I'm trying
to make everything
you might like.

A nice juicy roast,
candied yams,

Apple pie,
and a chocolate layer cake.

Oh, that sounds great, lee.

Well, nothing's too good
for bill's children.

[All laughing]

She is
a wonderful woman, dad.

Oh, you're so right, son.

Now, listen, dee,
uh, you go on home with roger.

We'll see you later,
all right?

Ok, thanks for taking me
to disneyland.

And we sure had fun,
didn't we?

Yeah.

Eatin' all those hot dogs
and goin' on all those rides.

Yeah.

And I'd say
it was just about
a perfect day. Huh?

Just about.

[Clears throat]

Yeah, well, uh,
we got to run.

We'll see you
at 7:30.

Don't be late.

Don't worry.
We wont be.

All right.
See you later.

See you, son.
Ok, see you.

Bye.

Well, you must have had
some good time, huh?

Are you kidding?

I had more fun
getting my measle shots.

What about all the fun?

The only fun thing was gettin'
on the flying dumbo ride.

Lee got sick.

That must have
been embarrassin'.

Daddy thought
it was cute.

Well, daddy's in love.

People think
everything is cute
when they're in love.

Daddy's not in love.

He's not?

Who could love anyone
who wears high heels
to disneyland?

She's got a point.

Oh, hi, everybody.
Hi, mama.

Hi, mabel.

Well, kids,
how was dinner?

Uh, dinner--
dinner was fine.

We had a good time,
didn't we, dee?

Sure. If you like
standing in line
in a pizza joint.

Lee, I thought
you were cooking at home.

Uh, I was until
I burned the roast.

[Sighing]
well, that's all right.
We put out the fire, though.

Well, that's good.

Hey, um, uh, well,
what do you think, roger?

About what, mama?

You didn't tell them?

Well, no, I didn't think
that the pizza parlor

Was quite the right place
to tell 'em.

Tell us what?

Bill.

All right, all right,
sit down, roger.

Well, now, uh...

[Clears throat]

I have a very important
announcement to make,

And it concerns
the whole family.

Now as you know,

Uh, lee and I have
been seein' each other
for a long time.

And we've had our ups
and downs,

But all in all, it seems

That we're able to tolerate
each other's bad habits,
uh, pretty well.

And one of yours
is dragging out a story.

There they go,
laughing and joking again.

What a fun couple.

Yes, well, um,
what I'm trying to say is

Lee and I are getting married
saturday morning.

Married?

[Bill]
yeah.

To each other?

Well, that was the idea.

Oh, wow,
that's fantastic, lee.

Oh, thank you, roger.

Wow, congratulations,
daddy.

Thank you, son.

Hey, hey, hey.
I want you
to be my best man.

Really?
Yeah.

I think it's wonderful.

Well, all right.
I'll get some paper
and I'll start makin' lists.

Uh, wait, wait.
Lists of what?

Uh, uh, lists.
We--we got to have lists.

That's fantastic,
lee, daddy.

[Bill laughing]

♪ [Raj singing
here comes the bride]

And, dee, we'd love you
to be our flower girl.

Oh, I'd love to,

But I can't make it
on saturday. I have plans.

What kind of plans?

I watch cartoons.

Not this saturday,
you won't.

Uh, lee?
What would you think

If we put some flowers
along the railing here,

So that when you came
down the staircase
in your bridal gown--

Uh, roger,
uh, your dad and I

Aren't planning
on getting married here.

You're not?

No, roger. We're going
to get married at city hall.

City hall?
You can't get married
at city hall.

Why not?

Because that's too cold.

I mean, this is your house.

Well, it's not your house,
it's our house,

But we're your children
and you should be
in your children's house.

And it's
also mama's house,

And that was very dumb
of me and I'll see you
in city hall at 10:40.

No, roger,
what you say makes
a lot of sense.

It does?

You could have fooled me.

I think they should
get married here.

Not only are you
both your father's children,

But you are going to be
lee's stepchildren.

Like hansel and gretel.

What do you say, baby?

Well, I think
what mabel says
makes sense.

And I also think that mabel
is a wonderful woman.

Oh, thank you.
And so are you.

Why, thank you.

No, thank you.

No, thank you.

Oh, you're welcome.

Now, the book says
the key to a successful
informal wedding

Is to make each guest
feel at home.

This is where you,
the ushers, come in.

You should introduce
yourselves to the guest
as you seat them

And engage in light banter
as you proceed down the aisle.

Raj, what is light banter?

Uh, you know, small talk,
like, "hi, nice weather
we're having."

"Hi, nice weather
we're having."

But what if it rains?

Then just forget
the light banter

And take them
to their seats, ok?

Now, come down here.

The guests
will enter from here,

You will greet them here,

And the light banter
will begin here.

Except for you, rerun.

Then you take them
by the arm

And proceed
down the aisle.

Oh.

Dee, would you move this stuff
out of the way?

No.

No? Hey, we have
to practice ushering
for the wedding.

It's very important.

I don't see
why everybody's making
such a big deal

Out of this stupid wedding.

What I'm doing
is important, too.

And what are you doing?

I'm making a pair
of camping shorts
for snoopy.

[Knocking on door]

Hey, hold it, hold it.
I'll get it.

Dee, get all that
junk up from there.

Boys, get those chairs
out of the middle
of the floor.

Hey, come on in.
Thank you.

Hi, mabel.

Hi, lee.

Mabel,
this is rev. Burk.

Rev. Burk, this is
my ex-wife, mabel, uh, thomas.

How do you do?

And these are my 2 children,
roger and dee.

How do you do,
rev. Burk?

Well, bill,
you didn't tell me

You were going to get married
in your ex-wife's house.

Now, I think that's just

Strange.

Uh, rev. Burk,
these are my friends,
rerun and dwayne.

They're going to be
the ushers.

Hi, nice weather
we're havin'.

Yes, it is.

Shall we get on
with the rehearsal?

Yes, let's get down
to business.

Now, when
the ceremony starts,

I'll be standing here
behind the altar.

Uh, excuse me,
rev. Burk, sir.

Oh, robert, is that it?

No, sir, roger.
Roger thomas.
Roger. Yeah.

I'm the best man.

Uh-huh. Well, did you have
a question, roger?

Yes. Well, before we move on
to the wedding party,

I'd like to discuss
your entrance.

My entrance?

Yes. See I'm goin'
to have a bank of flowers

Along the banister here,

And I thought it would
be kind of dramatic

If you could
sweep down the stairs.

I don't sweep, roger, I walk.

And I love it. I love it.

Walking is so good
for the heart. It uses feet.

[Chuckling]

Now, the, uh,
since we're gonna have
white flowers,

I was hoping maybe
you could wear a red robe.

Roger, I am a member
of the clergy,
not the scarlet pimpernel.

Oh, yes, sir. Quite true.

No disrespect
intended, sir,

But where will you make
your entrance from?

Well, I'll wait
in that room there

And when the ceremony starts,
I'll enter through the door.

Ah, the door. Good idea.

Walking through the door.
Short and to the point.

He's gonna be walkin'
through the door, mama.

Huh, and bill,
you will follow me out.

Then your bride
and her father--

Uh, excuse me one minute,
rev. Burk, sir.

What is it, roger?

Couldn't daddy and lee
come in together?

I was reading this article
on second weddings and--

Roger, they can come in
any way they want.

Let's just say they arrive
at the altar somehow.

I'd like to get on
with the ceremony.

Oh, great. Because I've got
tons of ideas about that.

Roger.

But, uh, you go ahead
and take a crack at it.

That way you'll
feel more involved, ok?

Ok.

The flower girl

And the best man
should take their places.

Right. Right. Excuse me.
Let me get over here.

Now, the ceremony
is really very simple.

There's no need going over it
point by point.

I'll just say,

"Dearly beloved,
we are gathered here today,"
etc, etc,

"If anyone
has any objection

"To this man and this woman
being married,

Let them speak now,"
etc, etc, etc.

Well, I'm speakin' now.

I object.

I don't want them
to get married
and I'm leaving now.

Dee!

Etc, etc.

Dee!

Etc.

Uh, she's got herself
locked in her room,
and I can't get her out.

I even tried to bribe her,
but she said
she wasn't allowed

To take money
from strangers.

Well, isn't anyone
gonna do something?

She ruined
my wedding rehearsal.

Well, maybe I was
a little soft on her.
I'll get her out.

Hey, bill, if I were you,
I wouldn't go up
and yell at her.

Hey, I know
how to handle my own kid.

Just a minute.
She's going to be
my stepdaughter.

Well, "going to be"
is a lot different
than "is."

Is that right?

That's right.

Like "going to be married"
is a lot different

Than "is married."

A-a-and what's that
supposed to mean?

Well, that is
supposed to mean--

Ah, hold it,
hold it, you two.

I don't mind your
getting married here,
but you can't fight here.

That's right, no fighting.
This is a wedding rehearsal,

Not a marriage rehearsal.

Yeah, yeah, you're--
you're right, roger.

I'm sorry, lee.

I guess this has been
a nervous time for everybody.
Huh?

Yeah. I know it.
I'm sorry too.

Hey, look, everything's
gonna be all right.
I'll handle it.

Why don't you two
go run along now?
I'll see you tomorrow.

Ok, mabel. Thanks.
So long, mabel.

See you, lee, daddy.

Bye.

Ok, sweetheart.

Now, mama, what are we
going to do about dee?

I'll handle it.

Good.

Mama, what are
you doing?

I'm handling it.

How?

By waiting until morning.

When she gets hungry enough,
she'll come out.

That's dee up there,
not rerun.

Well, she's a little upset
right now. We have to be
patient with her.

After all, it's not every day
a little girl's father
gets married, you know.

Well, is it ok if I see
if I can talk to her?

Well, you can try.

[Sighing]

Dee, open the door now.
You've been in there
long enough.

I haven't been up here
that long.

I still recognize
your voice.

[Raj]
come on, let me in.

I can't. I'm up here
with snoopy

And he doesn't
want to be disturbed.

Dee, if you open the door,

I'll buy snoopy
that pup tent
he's been wanting.

And his camping gear?

And his camping gear.

And a few dollars
to put into his pocket

Just in case
something comes up?

You got it.

[Dee]
not me, snoopy.

Snoopy's got it.

Say, "I love you, snoopy."

Say what?

[Dee]
say it.

[Muttering]
I love you, snoopy.

He didn't hear you.

I love you, snoopy.

How was rehearsal?

Crummy.

Good.

Dee, why are you
messing up
daddy's wedding?

Because I think
he's making
a big mistake.

What big mistake?

Her name is lee.

[Sighing]

Look, dee,

There's--there's
nothing wrong with lee.

I think she's
a very nice person.

I mean, so what
if she can't cook?

But you don't know her
like I do.

If daddy marries lee,
he can never get on
the flying dumbo ride again.

He'll adjust.

Dee, I know it's hard
for you

To accept the fact
that daddy will have
a different wife.

I mean it's even
a little hard
for me to accept that.

Then, let's don't accept it.

Let's both lock
ourselves in here.

[Raj sighs]

Dee.

Aren't you
forgetting something?

Food?

No. Daddy.
Lee makes him very happy.

It'll pass.

Oh, now come on, dee.

But if daddy marries lee,
he can't marry mama.

But there's no way
that mama and daddy

Would have gotten
married again anyway.
Now you know that.

But, I always hoped
that one evening

When daddy dropped
you and me off
from a weekend,

Mama would say,

"Why don't you stay
for dinner, bill?
We're having ham."

And daddy would say,

"Thank you, mabel.
You look
awful pretty tonight.

Is that a new dress
you're wearing?"

And mama would say,

"This old thing?"

And daddy would say,

"Well, you look different.

I mean, I see you
in a whole new light."

Then a lot of stuff
would happen

That you think
I'm too young to know about.

Then all of a sudden,
they'd be married again.

That's a beautiful story, dee.

Except for one thing.

What?

They made each other miserable
when they were married.

So what's a little misery?

It's better than being alone.

Mama isn't alone.
She's got us.

I mean, besides,
mama likes bein' on her own.

She has no one
to answer to.

She does as she pleases.

She makes her own money
and she never felt better.

How do you know?

She told me.

That may be
what she told you.

But I know
that every woman
needs a man.

And what makes you think
mama doesn't have
a boyfriend or 2?

Mama has
a boyfriend or 2?

That's right.

Mama may be single.
But she's not
out of the game.

Well, where are they?
Get 'em over here.
Let's take a look.

Let's get one parent
married at a time.

Come here.

Let's see.
1, 2, 3, 4...

Well, just about everybody
is here.

How many people
are here, raj?

Uh, let's see.
1, 2, 3...

[Knocking on door]

Let me get it.

No, I'll get it.
I'm the usher.

Hello.

Nice weather
we're having.

Where do I sit, fool?

Are you on the bride's side
or the groom's side?

Why? Are they
fightin' already?

Thank you.

So how are we doin' here?
All right? Hit it.

♪ [organ music playing]

[Rev. Burk]
"dearly beloved,

"We are gathered here today
to join in holy matrimony

This man
and this woman."

[Bawling]

"If any person
shall have objection

"As why these two
should not be united,

Let him speak now
or forever hold his peace."

Now, repeat after me.

I, lenora,

I, lenora,

Take thee, william,

Take thee, william,

[Rev. Burk]
as my lawful
wedded husband.

As my lawful
wedded husband.

[Inaudible]

To love
and to cherish.

To love
and to cherish.

[Bawling]

To cherish.

That's big stuff,
ain't it?

Until death do us part.

Until death
do us part.

[Rev. Burk]
i, william,

I, william,

Take thee, lenora,

[Bill]
take thee, lenora,

As my lawful
wedded wife.

As my lawful
wedded wife.

To love
and to cherish.

To love and to cherish.

Until death
do us part.

Until death do us part.

[Inaudible]

[Rev. Burk]
the ring, please.

The ring, please.

The ring, please.

The ring?

It's in your pocket.

Here you go,
here you go, rev.

[Rev. Burk]
with this ring,

With this ring,

I thee wed

I thee wed

As a token
of my undying love.

As a token
of my undying love.

Oh, undying. Oh!

That's heavy, ain't it,
mrs. Thomas?

This is true.

Oh, my goodness.

I now pronounce you
husband and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

Daddy!

[Whooping]

All right, you didn't--
you didn't forget a thing,
did you, son?

Oh, congratulations, lee.
You're a beautiful bride.

Oh, thank you,
mabel.

And thank you
for the beautiful wedding.

Ah, don't mention it.

Dee.

Oh, you look
absolutely beautiful.

Thank you. You, too.

Thank you.

Dee, I'd like us
to always be friends
and even more than friends.

Let's leave it
at friends.

Fair enough.

Just make daddy happy.

I promise I'll try.
And if I get into any trouble,

Then maybe
you can help me out.

Ok. Then we can work
on being more than friends.

Oh, terrific.

Now tell me,

Is everything all right
with you now
about the wedding?

Yeah.

And you're goin' to spend
lots of time with lee
and me, huh?

Yeah.

We are gonna make
lots of trips to disneyland.

Maybe.

[Laughing]

Daddy, you'll wrinkle
my dress.

That's all right, baby.
The wedding's over now.

This wedding is over...

But who knows?

One of these days
I might have
to suit up again.

[Laughing]

Oh, stop!