01x19 - What's Wrong with Raj?

[bunniefuu]

Hi!

Roger,
not you again.

I knew you'd be
glad to see me.

Roger, I've been
telling you for a week,

There's nothing
more I can do without
taking more tests.

Oh, no. No tests.

Why?
They're painless.

I know, but I haven't
had a chance to
study for 'em yet.

Roger, this is
a free clinic

And there are
other people waiting.

But how about my
high blood pressure
and my hypertension?

I just told you,

We can't do any more
without taking more tests.

Ok.

You can start with
my pulse, here.

I took your pulse.

How about this hand?

Roger, really,
this has gone far enough.

Far enough?

Holding a wrist
is your idea of far enough?

Miss clark,
can I ask you
a question?

Sure, go ahead.

How old are you?

22.

I thought so.

I'm 16.

I know.

B-but do you know that
I'm not your typical
16-year-old kid?

Well, uh...

Really! Hey, I've got
a lot of maturity

Packed into this


Well, roger, as long
as you're packed,

Why don't you
take a trip?

[Knocking at door]

Come in.

Mrs. Thomas, hi.
Hi, dee.

Is raj here?

No, he's not in
from school yet.

Mrs. Thomas, can I ask
you a question?

Sure.

What's wrong with raj?

Nothing. What makes you
think there's something
wrong with him?

Oh, I don't know.

He's just not the same.

He's moody,
and you cant talk to him,

And after school
he just splits.

That's right.

How do you know?

Um, how do I know what?

What dwayne
just said.

Oh! Because
I heard him say it.

See, I was sitting
here only moments ago

When the young lad
was speakin'.

And when I was gonna
say my answer,

[Knocking]
I couldn't say it--
I'll get it.

What's happenin',
everybody?

[Dwayne]
what's happening,
rerun?

Is raj here?

No.

Mrs. Thomas,
can I ask you a question?

Of course.

What's wrong with raj?

I don't know that there's
anything wrong with him.

Just because you
and dwayne haven't seen
him for 1 or 2 days

Don't mean that
something's wrong
with him.

Hey, rabbit!

Gene, come here
a minute.

Yes, mrs. Thomas?

Have you noticed
anything wrong with raj?

Uh-uh.

Well,
come to think of it,

This morning, I did see him
putting chocolate syrup
on his eggs.

What's wrong with that?

You know, mrs. Thomas,

I think that son of yours
is in love.

Hmm-mmm.

[Door closes]

I think
the rabbit's right.

You do, huh?

Yeah, who would
know more about love
than a rabbit?

Yeah.

Well, look how
raj is actin'.

He's walkin' around
in a daze,

He hasn't been to
the soda shop in a week,

He's not tellin' us
where he's going.

He must
have a girlfriend.

Why wouldn't
he tell us if he had
a girlfriend, rerun?

I don't know.

Maybe there's something
weird about her.

Like, she's ugly.

Ooh!

Ok. Let's not
jump to conclusions.

When roger comes home,
we'll ask him.

Now, you fellows feel
like something to eat?

I have a fresh pie
in the kitchen.

I'll just have
a little piece.

Good, I'll just
have the rest of it.

Mama.

Oh, what honey?

I may know
what's wrong with raj.

Well, speak up.

Roger has been goin' to
the free clinic after school

Every day this week.

Free clinic?
How do you know?

I can't tell you, mama.

What do you mean,
you can't tell me?

Look, mama,
before you yell at me,

You should know
that the constitution
of the united states

Says I have
freedom not to speak,

As well as
freedom to speak.

And the constitution
of the united states

Also says that I have
the freedom to bear arms.

And if you don't tell me
what I want to
know about roger,

I'm going to bear my arms
right down to my bare hands,

And bare your behind.

You're right,

The constitution
has a lot of faults.

But all I can tell you, mama,

Is that he's probably
at the free clinic

Right this very moment.

How long have you
known this?

All week.

I didn't want to
worry you.

It could be nothin'.

Hey, fellas,
come in here.

[Both]
yes, mrs. Thomas.

Did roger tell you
anything about goin'
to a free clinic?

Not to me.

You know what,
mrs. Thomas?

Raj said that some lady
from the free clinic

Came to his health class
last week

To talk about
hypertension

And high blood pressure
among blacks,

And said
if anybody thinks that
he or she has the symptoms,

They should come
down to the clinic.

That's about when raj started
disappearing after school.

Exactly!

I think.

You think roger
will still be at
that clinic right now?

He's there.

If you'd like to
go down there, mrs. Thomas,
I got my car out front.

Thank you, gene.
Let's go.

Can I come?

No, you stay here
and clean up the mess
in the kitchen.

The mess is in
the living room!

What I'm trying
to say is,

I may be only 16 in age,

But I'm 23 years
in experience.

That's nice.

You see, my mom
and dad got divorced

When I was,
uh, young.

I've been the man
of the house ever since.

Bold, brave...

Able to make
snap judgments,

Wise beyond my years,

Yet patient with
a young sister

Who has needed the hand
of a male figure...

Quite often
across her mouth.

Roger!

Look, julie,
I don't know
how to say this,

So I've written
it down as a poem.

See, roger, I'm busy.

No, no, listen, it'll
only take a second.

Listen to this.

It's called
"twilight affair."

"I'm just 16,
and what's worse,

I've got a crush
on a very old nurse."

Very old?

No,
i-i'll explain it.

Oh, I'm sure.

"But to me,
she has youth,

"So let's
face the truth,

To be 22 is no curse."

Roger.

Yeah?

I think
they've come for you.

You know,
dee was right,
mrs. Thomas.

That boy is sick!

Come on,
mr. Twilight affair.

ciao!

[Mama]
gene!

Gene!

[Roger]
the only possible way--

Shh!

The only possible way

Dee could have known
I go to the clinic

Was if she had looked
in my dresser drawer
at my diary.

You keep a diary?

Well, it's more like a journal
of little events in my life.

I mean, it's for
future use when I write
my first screenplay.

I see.

But how would you
know whether she looked
at it or not?

Oh, come over here, mom.
I'll show you something.

You can see where dee
pried the lock open.

Oh, she wouldn't
pry open the lock.

See these marks?

She pried open the lock!

Ah! Here it is.

Proof positive.

Peanut butter.

That's right!

Either dee or jimmy carter
has been reading my journal.

All right,
roger, you're right.

Snooping is bad enough,

But prying open
someone's drawer
is terrible.

I'm gonna
straighten out that
little busybody, right now.

Are you gonna
spank her?

You can bet
your life on that.

Oh, please,
don't do that.

And why not?

Because if you do that,
she'll cry,

But you'll feel awful,
then you'll cry,

Then I'll come
downstairs and say,

"Please stop crying,
everybody."

Then you'll shout at me
and say it's all my fault.

This is true.

And besides,
I've got a better idea.

Wait a minute.

You're not planning on
playing a trick on her,
are you?

Yes, I am.

Good.

Mama.

Raj?

All right!

Well, after she reads this,
she will be hooked.

If she reads it.

"If she reads it"?

Mama, you know dee,
she'll read it!

You know,
you're right again, raj.

Mama, this whole story
could make a great
little movie.

Yeah,
I'd like to read it, too.

Yeah, I'll have to get
a whole new journal
to write it in.

The treat's on me.

I'll get you a new one
the first thing tomorrow.

Thank you, mama.

Ah! But remember
to put the new one

Someplace where
your sister won't find it.

Hey, don't worry.

[Dee]
mama!

Oh, up here, dee.

[Whispers]
get in the bed.

I thought
I heard you two up here.

How come nobody
said hello to me

When you came home?

I had to get roger
right to bed.

You're really sick, raj?

Ah, i--i gotta
a little headache,

And an occasional
lapse of memory.

Did mama tell you
I was the one

Who said you were
at the clinic?

I don't remember.

And how did you
know about that?

Gee, I don't remember, either.

I must be catching it
from raj.

I'll get outta here.

Well, I gave her a chance
to tell the truth.

[Laughing]

This is
gonna be fun.

Wait here.

[Whispering]
come on, come on.

She's definitely here.
Those are her
school books over there.

She's not in the kitchen,
so she's got to be upstairs.

She actually
broke into your drawer

And read your diary?

That's right.

But who ever heard
of an 11-year-old
picking locks?

Are you kiddin'?

When my brother
dewey was 11,

He was driving
a getaway car.

Was there anything
in that journal about me?

There's something
in there about all of us,

And everything
we've ever done.

Everything?

What're you worried about?

See,
dee knows too much.

That's why you
guys have to help me
teach her a lesson.

And can I
count on you?

Definitely.
Right on.

Good. Now, remember,
I got memory lapses,

I'm seeing things,

And I feel very weak.

Maybe we should come back
when you're feeling better.

Rerun, that's what I
wrote down in the journal.

Oh, right!

Are you sure
she's gonna read it?

Positive,
just give her
a little time.

[Laughing]

Oh, no!

Oh, wow!

"I've got memory lapses,

"I'm seeing things,

And I feel very weak."

Oh, boy!
Raj is really sick.

I always wanted his room,
but not this way.

Dee's been up there
long enough.
You guys ready?

Ready!

The door.

[Door banging]

Anybody home?

[Dee]
raj, is that you?

[Raj groaning]

[Dee]
ok, I'll be right down.

Hi, raj.

Hi.

You all right?

Oh, yeah. Why?

Oh, no reason.

It's just that
rerun and dwayne

Don't usually
carry you home.

He's been
acting funny, dee.

Is there anything
wrong with him that
you know about?

Well, i...

Is there?

How would I know?

Are you all right now,
raj?

Oh, yeah,
I'm fine.

You can
take me home now.

This is your home!

Of course!

I recognize
the wallpaper.

I think we'd better
get raj upstairs.

Oh, no, no, no.
I can make it by myself.

Raj!

Oh, yes, mama.

We'll take care
of him, dee.

We'll take care
of him.

'Bye, roger.

Poor raj.

Hello, daddy.

This is dee.

Listen,
raj is very sick.

No, I don't know
what it is.

No, mama doesn't know.

Well, I can't tell her
because I don't want
her to worry.

Huh?

I don't care if you worry.

Well, can you
come over and help raj?

But don't tell mama
I called you,

Because she gets
mad at me when I tell you

Things I don't tell her.

Yeah, well,
I read it in his diary.

It says he has some big word,
hyper-something,

Which means
he has memory lapses,

A weakness,

And lately
he's been seeing things.

Can you help raj?

Ok. 'Bye.

You think
dee fell for it?

Are you kiddin'?

Did you see
the look on her face

When my knees
buckled?

Raj, you've got
to write this down.

Yeah, man.
This is going to make
a great story someday.

There's no time
like the present.

What's that?

Well, since dee
found my old journal,

I've started
keeping a new one.

She doesn't even
know about this one.

What time is it?

Uh, 3:35.

3:35, Thursday.

The plan is working.

All right.

Right on.

Dee thinks
I'm definitely sick,

And is very worried
about me.

[All cackling]

I never thought
she'd be this easy to fool.

All right, come on.

Let's go down there
and get started on her again.

[Roger]
anybody home?

Raj, I thought you were
gonna take a rest.

I did. How much sleep
can a person take?

8 Hours is plenty.

8 Hours?

Would you like to
go for a walk, raj?

Yeah, some fresh
air'd do you good.

Ah, fresh air.

That's what I like best
about living here...

In the yukon.

Raj, maybe you
shouldn't go.

You--you know,
I am kind of tired.

Um, what's your name?

Dee.
Dee.

And I am...

Raj.
Raj, sure.

Do you feel
better now?

Oh, yeah. I'm fine.
Thanks a lot, guys.

Yo, we got
to get going.

Ok.
Don't go.
Stay here.

No. We gotta go.
Come on, rerun.

Yeah,
so long, raj.

They said
"so long" to you.

You're raj.

Right.

Well...

Dee.

Dee, I think I'll go
get some milk...

Ok.

For our cat.

What cat?
We don't have a cat.

We don't?

Then what happened
to our cat?

We never had a cat.

Then what's that
in the bathtub
playing with the pony?

Oh, brother.

You know,

I'm getting a little tired,
I think I'll just turn in.

Say "hi" to
the pony for me.

Ok. You're a
nice little boy.

Yeah, hi, dee.

Yeah, where's roger?

I think he's upstairs
taking a bath with the pony.

What?

Hey, roger!

[Roger]
mama?

Roger, come on
down here, boy.

You won't tell
him how I found out?

Don't worry.

Roger!

Comin'.

Dee, go upstairs.
Let me talk to roger
alone for a minute.

All right, daddy,
but just a minute.

[Loudly]
I'm going upstairs now.

You, raj, are gonna
stay down here
and talk to daddy.

Me, dee,
is going upstairs.

Right.

Oh, by the way,
would you mind
making my bed?

I was too weak
to do it.

Ok.

Thank you.

What's up, daddy?

Roger, your sister seems
to think you're
not feeling well.

Oh!

Ah, looking for
your pony, roger?

I just wanted to
make sure that dee
couldn't hear me.

Uh-huh.

What is dee
gonna hear, roger?

Well...

Hello, mabel.

Shh. Come on, mama.

Bill, what's--
what's going on here?

Don't ask me.

My plan seems to be
working perfectly,

Only poor daddy
got caught
in the middle.

Dee called him
up after she
read my journal.

I see.

Yeah, I see, too.

You do?

Mmm-hmm.

I can see I got a completely
crazy family here.

Poor raj.

Boy, i--i don't believe
this whole family.

I mean,
and you, mabel,

Especially you
of all people,

Playing this kind
of a practical joke
on your own daughter.

Our daughter
needed a lesson.

Now, I'm gonna call her
down here and straighten
out this mess.

Sit down over there.

Dee!

[Dee]
yes, mama.

Come on down
here, honey.

Boy, that girl had me
worried half to death.

Oh, thank you for
your concern, daddy.

"Oh, thank you for
your concern, daddy."

Boy, you better not
never do this again.

[Roger]
yes, sir.

Dee, we have something
to tell you, honey.

No, mama, I have something
to tell you and raj,

Because I feel bad,

Because he's so sick
and I was so bad.

He ain't sick.

Yes, he is, daddy.

He has ponies
in the bathtub.

And memory lapses
and weakness.

Raj, I broke into
your drawer
and I'm sorry.

I read
your journal

And that's how I knew
he was going to the
clinic, mama.

And I was bad
and I was wrong,

And, raj,
please get better.

[Sniffling]

Oh, it's all right, baby.
It's all right.

We knew you did it.
Don't cry, honey.

I can't help it.
I love raj so much.

And he's so sick. Take me!

Now, you see?

You see what you did?

Dee, I'm not sick.
I'm not sick at all.

Yes, you are.
You just forgot.

No, baby. He just
pretended to be sick.

He's really fine.

You're just saying
that to make
me feel good.

I'm rotten and evil.

[Daddy]
uh-huh.

See what playing
a practical joke can do?

You got my little
girl all upset.
Come here, baby.

Roger, run upstairs
and get your new journal,

So you can prove
that this whole thing
was a terrible joke.

Ok, mama.
I will get it.

You'll see,
sweetheart.

He's--he's ok.

And he'll prove
in his journal
that we tricked you

Into believing
that he was sick.

No, he won't.

Yes, he will.

[Roger]
mama, it's not here.

It's gotta be there.

Not necessarily.

What's that?

That's the journal
roger's lookin' for.

You knew it all the time,
didn't you?

Yep! Good, wasn't i?

Now, you see?

You see what playing
a practical joke can do?

Mmm, mabel?

You even got your
own daughter playing
practical jokes, too.

Roger is up there,
trying to find a book

That's down here,
and everybody's all upset.

I sure hope you learned
something from this.

[Roger]
it's not here!

Well, keep on
looking for it, roger.

You'll find it.

Bill!

Just a little
practical joke, mabel.

Lemme see it.

So dee stuck it
to you again, huh?

Yeah, she found this
dumb book and
really fooled us all.

But it'll make
a great ending
to a movie someday.

She always gets
away with m*rder.

Not this time.

She was grounded
for a week

For breaking
into my drawer.

Hey, listen.

Why didn't you tell
us in the first place

You were going down there
to see that nurse?

Because...

Well, she was too ugly.

And I know how
you guys would
laugh at me

If I wasn't with
one of my usual foxes.

So, why did you do it?

A little charity case.

If I didn't do it,
who would?

That poor girl probably
never had a date
in her whole life.

I thought I'd try to bring
a little sunshine

Into her dreary social life.

Hey, y'all.

[Dwayne]
hey, rabbit.

Hey, hey, hey.

Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey.

Hey, raj,
remember julie,
don't you?

Oh, yeah.

Hi.

Come on, baby.
Let's go into the kitchen
and defrost the fridge.