01x11 - The Maid Did It

[bunniefuu]

Hey, shirley!

Hey, shirley!
What's happening?

What does it
look like?

Ain't much action
going down
around here today.

What you
wanna eat?

Let me have
a root beer soda.

I'm not hungry.

I'll have a double hamburger
and a banana split.

Rerun, don't you ever
want to get thin?

Oh, he is thin,
shirley.

Yeah,
that's right.

Yeah, you can see

He needs to put on
a little more weight.

He hasn't even
grown his trunk yet.

Shirley, I'm not
going to forget that.

Elephants never do.

Where's raj?

Oh, he just took a job
up the street
at harry's supermarket.

He gonna be
a bag boy.

Well,
he really wants to

Buy that typewriter bad,
doesn't he?

Yeah, he only
needs another $10.

Hey!

Hey, raj.
Hey, man, how come
you not workin'?

[Mumbling]
I've been fired.

What?

I got fired.

Oh, raj.
Man, how're you
gonna get

The rest of the money
for the typewriter?

I guess I'll ask my momma
to loan it to me.

Well, why did
you get fired?

I packed
a hot barbecued chicken

In the same bag with
a quart of vanilla ice cream.

[Shirley]
heavy!

Hey man, that--
that was one mess.

What did harry say?

Nothin'.

He just threw me and
the bag out in the alley.

Where are you goin'?

To harry's for some
chicken-a-la-mode.

Is mama here?

No raj, she's not.

I thought
you were workin'.

Yeah. I got fired.

Ah, that's too bad.

I know how much
that job meant to you.

Here, make
yourself comfortable.

It's just not fair.
You're such a nice kid.

And good-lookin', too.

Ahem.

All right,
what do you need?

I can't do
my arithmetic.

What's the problem?

Well it's stupid.

It's about this
dumb kid named johnny,

Who goes out
and buys 12 apples,

And gives 6 of them
to this stupid girl,

And then,
half of what's left over
to another fool,

And then 2 of
what's left over

To his dumb brother,
and they ask me

How many johnny has left?

Can you believe them?

One, dee.
He has one left.

Thanks, raj.

[Chuckles]

That's ok.

I-- you know,
I'll do anything for you,

'Cause you're my sister

And you're so pretty, too.

All right.
What do you need?

Uh, you got any money?

Me, where would
I get any money?

From me,
you know,

A quarter here
to shut up,

A quarter there
to leave me alone.

Well, I do have a few
quarters here and there.

How much you got?

About $6.

$6!

Can you loan it to me?
I need it for my typewriter.

No way!

How about
some of it?

None of it.

Why not?

"Why not"?

Look at you, raj.

You're always broke,

And you can't
hold down a steady job.

You're just a bad risk.

That's ok. I'll--i'll
just ask mama for it.

Mama ain't gonna
loan you any money.

Are you kiddin'?

I can always count on mama.

Hi mama.
Hi mama.

Oh, mama,
there's somethin'
I need real bad.

But it can wait.

You think you need
something real bad?

No ma'am,
I've got everything
I ever wanted.

I'm a happy kid.

So, you think you need
something real bad, huh?

Raj, mama asked you
a question.

You don't need
nothing real bad.

I'm the one
who needs something
and, I mean, real bad.

What is it, mama?

A job!

Mrs. Turner just fired me.

Go ahead, raj,
ask her for the money.

What money?

Oh, n-nothin', mama.

Why did
mrs. Turner
fire you?

For stealin'.

What did you take,
mama?

What's the matter
with you, dee?

Mama didn't take anything.

Then why did she
say you did, mama?

Why? You wanna know why?

There are rules in the world,
you should know about, dee.

When someone is m*rder*d,
the butler did it.

If something is missin',
the maid did it. That's why.

Oh, m-what-- what did
she say you stole, mama?

Her doggone diamond ring.

Oh, wow.

"Oh, wow" is right.

It's very expensive
and she just out and out
accused me of stealing it.

But you told her
you didn't,

So she called the police,

And you crawled
out the window.

No, you couldn't
crawl out the window.

[Roger]
mmm-hmm, mmm.

I didn't crawl out anywhere.
I walked out the front door.

They're not goin' to send
the police over here
to search the house, are they?

'Cause I didn't
make up my bed.

No, they're not going to
send the police,

And you go upstairs
and make up your bed
right now, young lady.

All right.

Well, what're you
gonna do, mama?

Oh, I think I'm gonna have
to go find me another job

To fill mondays,
wednesdays and fridays.

You'll find something,
I know you will.

I hope so, son.
'Cause we really need
those 3 days work.

I'm sorry for jumpin' at you,
when I first came in.

It's all right.

And what was it
you needed so bad?

Oh, nothin'.

Hey listen mama,
I've got some
money upstairs.

And if you want it,
you can have it.

Oh, thank you, darlin'.

[Sighs]
I don't need it yet.

I still have my tuesdays,
thursdays and saturday jobs.

We'll make out.

Well, if you need it,
just tell me.

I ain't gonna tell you
to do nothing.

If I need it,
I'll just go up and steal it.

Mama!

She's not home yet.

Well, maybe she got
a job right away,

And they asked her to
start this afternoon.

Gee, I don't know dwayne
jobs are pretty hard to find.

I don't feel good.

Oh, dee,
don't get upset.

Everything is gonna be fine
and mama will find a job,
all right?

Yeah, dee,
you shouldn't worry so much
that it makes you sick.

I'm not sick from worrying.
I'm sick from doing
my homework.

What made you sick?

Read this.

"Sally buys 4 bananas
and 6 apples.

"She eats half the bananas,

"And one third of the apples.

What does he have left?"

You didn't.

Yes, I did.

Hello.

Hi, mama, did you
find a job?

No, not yet, honey.

Raj,
I'll see you later,
all right?

Mrs. Thomas,
you'll find something
tomorrow, I'm sure.

Yeah, things
will work out
mrs. Thomas. 'Bye.

[Both]
'bye.

So, uh, what happened
at the employment agency?

Did they have
any jobs available?

Oh, they had
plenty of jobs, all right.

And I almost got one
until they asked me

For a reference from
my last employer.

Mama, what are you
gonna do?

Well, I guess I'll go upstairs
and wait for the earthquake.

What earthquake?

The one that starts the minute
I jump out the window.

[Chattering]

Well, gee, raj.
Why can't your mother

Sue the turners for
calling her a thief?

No, we already called
my daddy about that.

He has a lawyer
with his company and

He says
my mama has no case.

Here you go.

Hey, I didn't
order anything,
shirley.

I know it.
It's on me.

Hey, wait a second.
I'm not broke, you know.

My family's just going
through a minor recession,
that's all.

Easy, raj,
I didn't give it to
you because of that.

I just overpoured one.

Go ahead.

Oh, that is nice,
shirley.

Yeah, shirley,
you got a heart of gold,

And a body like fort knox.

Will you shut up, fool?

Hey, raj.

Hmm?

Uh, did you ever
meet the turners?

Once or twice.

Then why don't you
go over and talk to
mrs. Turner.

That's a great idea.

Yeah,
you could do that.

All I have to do
is convince her that
mama is innocent.

That was
a great idea,
shirley.

Yeah...

Shirley, you're a dream.
Come here...

Hold it!

Go ahead, shirley.

[Doorbell ringing]

Good evening,
mrs. Turner.

I hope
we're not disturbing you.

Oh, no, no.
That's all right, roger.

But as I told you
on the phone,
I don't have much time.

Oh, uh...

Yeah, well,
these are my friends,
rerun and dwayne.

How nice.

Nice to you meet you,
mrs. Turner.

Uh, ahem,

I came to
talk to you about,
you know, what happened.

Roger, I know how you feel,
but I am on my way out and

There's just nothing
more to discuss.

Oh, please.
Just hear me out.

Just gimme a minute
of your time. Ok?

All right.

Well...

Uh, mrs. Turner,
I came to ask for
my mother's job back,

I mean, I know
the evidence looks bad,

But my mama wouldn't
steal your ring.

She wouldn't steal
anything.

Please, just give my poor mama
another chance, will you?

Poor
mrs. Thomas.

Oh, poor
mrs. Thomas.

Poor, poor,
mrs. Thomas.

Poor mama.

Oh!

[Phone ringing]

Excuse me,
I'll be right back.

And I mean
right back.

Boy, I don't think we're gonna
get anywhere with her, raj.

She didn't even
offer us any food!

Gee, I could see
why somebody'd want to
rip this place off!

When I write
my first movie,

I'm going to
get some antiques,
just like these.

If you want antiques
just like these,

My brother dewey can
get you new ones.

As a matter of fact,

He can get you these.

Now, where were we?

Oh, we were at...
Poor mrs. Thomas.

Ah, mrs. Turner,
you know my mama,

And you know
she wouldn't steal anything.

Come on, now.
Won't you just reconsider.

Oh, roger,
I wish I could,

But when I told mr. Turner
that the ring was missing,

He just insisted
that we fire her.

Well, is he here?
Maybe I can talk to him?

Oh, I'm sorry.
He's working
late again, tonight.

What about
tomorrow night?

Oh, no.
Another late night.

You-- you-- you put in
a lot of late nights

When yon own your
own construction business.

Well, I'm sorry, roger,
i-i don't mean to be rude,

But--but I've got to run.

I'm already late
for my yoga class.

I tried yoga once,
but it was too tough.

[Tittering]

You couldn't get
into a lotus position?

He couldn't get
into a volkswagen!

Watch it, dwayne!

[Sighs]

[Roger]
this must be his office.

Turner
construction company.

Let's go in.

Maybe we should
knock first.

Shh.
There's people in there.

Come on, turner,
let's go.
It's up to you.

One.

One for you.
Dealer takes 2.

Who-- who opened?

$25.
Right there.

I see your $25
and up it $50.

All right, I'll call that
and up it $300.

He's playing cards
and he told mrs. Turner
he was working.

How could he lie
to his own wife?

Poor mrs. Turner.

Shh!

I bet $1,000.

All right, I'll call that and
I'll raise you a $1,000.

$1000?
Shh.

Ahh, listen,

That's too rich
for my blood.
I'm out.

I'm out.

All right.
I'll just call you,
turner.

No,
you'll just call me winner.

Full house.
3 Queens, 2 kings.

Ooh, that's good,
yeah.

But not good enough.

[Laughs]

See, I also got a full house.


[All exclaiming]

I don't
believe this.

We better get out of here
before we go to jail.

For what?
We're not in the game!

But we're witnesses
to the accessories

During the heretofores
and whereases.

Look, I'm out of cash.
But I want to keep playing.

I'll tell you what.

This watch is
worth $1500.

Now, suppose
I put that up--

Suppose
you put that watch
back on your arm!

Now, this is a card game,
it ain't no swap meet.

You know, now,
look, I wants my money.

Now, what's wrong with you,
turner, anyway?

Like, tonight you want
to play for a watch.

2 Nights ago, you played
for this diamond ring.

Now, dig, I'm a gambler,
I ain't a jewelry business

Diamond ring!

Did you
hear that?

Yeah,
but we don't know

If it's the same one
your mama stole.

His mother
didn't steal it, rerun!

Well, what I meant was,
it may be
mr. Turner's own ring.

Now, look,
we play for cash.

Now, you don't see me
putting up, no trinkets.

Trinket?
That's a blue-white
diamond.

Well, I'd rather have
some dark green money.

You know
diamonds are
better than money.

Well, I paid more than
a grand for that

When I bought it for my wife
10 years ago.

That's it!
Let's go.

Well, listen.
You guys go ahead,
I'll watch the hallway.

Come on.

Ahem.
Ahem.

Ahem.

Excuse me, gentlemen,
I'm roger thomas.

And
I'm freddy stubbs.

And I'm just
an innocent bystander,

Just a young kid
passing through.

Who are these kids?

I'm roger thomas,
mr. Turner, knows me.

Roger thomas.

Oh, mabel's son.

Yeah, "oh, mabel's son."

All right,
let's take a 5-minute break.
Huh, guys?

Yeah sure.
We'll be back in 5 minutes.

Can I
see that ring?

No, you can't see that ring.

Now,
I don't know why you're
up here in the first place,

But would you please leave?

Excuse me,

But I didn't hear
you talk loud to
the young brother, did i?

Didn't you hear it,
dwayne?

Huh?

That's the ring my mama got
blamed for stealing, isn't it?

Well--

Wait a minute,
is that what
you did turner?

I mean, you told
your wife that his mother
stole this ring,

So she wouldn't know
you lost it gambling?

Turner, you sick.

Now, tell me something.
Is your mother
their maid, son?

She was until she got fired
for stealing that ring.

Fired?

Oh, wait a minute.

Did I just have
the most marvelous idea!

Why don't I give you
a check for that ring.

You give it back to me,

I'll tell my wife I found it.
How do you like that, marty?

Do you take him
for a fool?

He take you
for a fool, marty.

His check ain't
gonna be no good.

Hey, hey,
you know what?

Now, that little bystander
has a point.

Now, you can forget that
check for this ring,

'Cause I'm gonna take
your watch for it,
you know,

And you better tell your wife
that you found this ring,
all right?

You satisfied, son?

[All]
sure!

[Mr. Turner]
all right, then,
does that do it, huh?

That clears
up the missing ring,

But there are a few other
things that we have
to discuss mr. Turner.

For instance,

Defamation of character,

Mental anguish,
loss of income,

Lack of trust and
lack of respect.

And, not to mention,
lack of mayonnaise.

Turner, I think
the kid is saying
you owe his mother something.

I'm not deaf, marty.
I can hear
what the kid is saying.

Hey, are you talking
loud to the big brother?

Well, if you see him,
would you please tell him
to come right home?

Thank you. 'Bye.

Where is that
brother of yours?

I've called everywhere.

He said he'd be
home in a few minutes.

Now it's after 9:00.

He's probably doing
something very important,

Like hanging around
the soda shop doing nothing.

Hanging around the soda shop
when he has homework to do?

Yeah, you think
he'd know better.

Roger.

Hi mama, any calls, yet?

Now, how could
there be any calls

When I've been on
the phone over an hour

Trying to find you.
Where were you, roger?

Well, I had to go see--

Oh, go and
answer the phone, mama.

[Sighs]
oh, I'll take care of you
in a minute.

Hello.

Mr. Turner?

Yes. Fine, thank you.
How are you?

Oh, you found the ring.

Congratulations.

I'm very happy for you.

Now, I think after
3 years' service
as a maid,

You owe me an apology.

Give it to him,
mama.

Thank you.

No,
I'm still looking
for a job.

My old job?

You want to give me
my old job back?

No, thank you,
mr. Turner.

[Whispering]
mama, what are you doing?

You may not be able
to understand this,
mr. Turner,

But I'd rather go hungry...

Than work for you
for $25 a day.

$30 A day
is something else.

Uh-huh.

I'll be there
in the morning.

You should have
held out for 40.

Oh, mabel,
I'm so glad that
you're back with us.

Oh, it's nice to be
back, mrs. Turner.

This whole thing
was a horrible experience,

But at least
something good came from it,

Thanks to roger.

Yes, you're back with us and
I joined gamblers anonymous.

Those meetings
should really help.

Well, it takes a big man
to face up to his problems.

Well,
it was just a hobby.

Next time,
take up needlepoint.

Well, uh,
I'd better go now.

Um, would you
like to pay me now,

Or would you rather wait until
the end of the week?

Oh, mabel, I'm sorry,
I'll pay you now.

I left the money
upstairs on my dresser.

Uh-uh!

I just dusted the dresser,

And I didn't see
anything there
but a racing form.

Racing form?

Daniel!

Well, i- I thought
it was your--

I didn't--

Oh, dear.

Well, the meetings
don't start till tomorrow.

Well,
I better go now.

I don't want to
be missin' my bus.

I didn't take it.

Mama here?

Nope.

That's not funny.

I didn't mean
is she here in this room?

I mean is she--
is she in the house.

Boy, why can't you
answer a question

Simply and nicely?

And why do you always
have to be so nasty?

I'm not
always nasty.

I try very hard to be nice,

And what does it get me?

Did you buy me
a birthday present
last year?

Sure I did!

And since then it's been
one disappointing day
after another.

What are you talking about?
I do a lot for you, dee.

Like what?

I helped you do
your math homework.

I failed the test.

I took you to a movie.

I hated it.

I took you to the library.

They wouldn't let me talk.

Yeah, I guess you're right,
you have had a bad year.

Oh, hi mama.

Oh, roger,
come take this here.

My hand's about to
fall off.

Oh, mama,
it's my typewriter!

You got my typewriter.

Oh mama--
I got my typewriter.

That's what you wanted,
wasn't it?

Yeah, mama,

But you didn't have to
pay for it all by yourself.

I have part of the money
hidden upstairs in my dresser.

Want to bet?

What?

Some hiding place.
Behind the dresser?

Every fool hides
his money there.

Who gave you
permission to touch
my money?

The same person
who gave her permission

To touch her own money.

She put in 4 quarters, too.

Oh, did you, dee?
Did you really?

Yeah I did, really,

But it wasn't a gift,
it was a loan.

Oh, I know.

I know it was a loan.
I'll pay you back, too, ok?

That's for sure,

And at 5 percent
quarterly compounded interest,

It'll be $1.06
a year from now.

Now, how can you
figure all that out,

And not figure out

How many apples
johnny and his brother
had left?

That's because
those fruit-freaks
aren't my problem.

Mama, do you see
how your daughter talks?

Well, you asked her,
didn't you?

Yeah,
but I don't need no...

Lesson on high finance
from a 10-year-old.

Did I say anything wrong,
mama?

Oh no, you didn't, honey.

You're a regular
j. Paul ghetto.