01x08 - Shirley's Date

[bunniefuu]

Mmm, mmm, mmm!

Mmm!

Hey, shirley,
you seen raj?

No. Rerun, what
are you doing here?

I thought you always
watched the cartoons
on saturday morning.

I do, but raj told us
to meet him here.

Oh.

I wonder
what raj wants.

Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey!

Hey, hey, hey!
Hey, hey, hey!

What's happening?

What--what gives, man?
Why d'you want
us to meet you here?

Yeah, man,
what's up, raj?
You wanted to see us?

Shirley! Shirley!


With extra cherries,

Extra cream,
and please keep the change.

Well, all right!
Well, thank you, sir.

As my friend jimmy carter
would say, "peanuts, my dear,
peanuts."

So, what's up, raj?

I sold my first story.

I am a professional
writer, now.

All right,
get down, raj!

$35.

Who d'you sell
the story to?

A magazine.

Great! time? Newsweek?

No, this magazine's
for younger people.

playboy? Penthouse?

No.

little miss muffet.

Right, little miss muffet!
i used to read that
when I was 9.

I still do.

So, what kind of story
did you write, raj?

Oh, it's called,

"Mister beaver
builds a dam

And saves the town
of gumdrop falls."

Wow!

What's it about?

I'll let you read it
tonight at my big party.

Big party?

Yeah, my mama thought
it would be a great idea

To get my closest friends
together and celebrate
this milestone in my life.

Shirley, we have
a celebrity
at our table.

Oh, yeah,
I know, jaws.

He means raj.

Yeah, raj just sold his
first story to a magazine.

Hey, that's great, raj.

Congratulations!

Mmm, I'm so proud of you.

Thank you, shirley.

Hey, my mama's throwing
a party for me tonight,
I want you to come.

Hey, I'd be
glad to, raj.
All right.

Raj, you couldn't have sold
that story at a better time.

Why's that, dwayne?

We'll, I've been sitting
next to this girl
in study hall for 2 months,

And this party's
a great excuse for me
to ask her out.

What's her name dwayne?

It's a great excuse for me
to ask her that, too.

Are you bringing
a date, raj?

Yeah, gloria.

Who are you gonna
come with, rerun?

Rerun with a date?
She'll have to be
a double date.

For your information,
I already have a date
for tonight.

Really? Is it animal,
vegetable or mineral?

Her name is
priscilla endicott.

Priscilla endicott!

Oh, get down, rerun!

How'd you get a date
with her, man?

Oh, I promised to do some
homework for her.

What homework?

Paint her room.

So, anyway, it's all set.
The party's at my house
at 8:00.

Yeah, yeah.

Hey, shirley, who are
you gonna come with?

Oh, I just remembered.
I don't think I can make it.

Is it because
you can't get a date?

No, it's not!

Huh! I can get a date
any time I want to.

Yeah, sure,
I didn't mean anything.

Then, if you didn't mean
anything, don't say anything.

Did I say anything wrong?
Did i, dwayne?

I don't know.

Thanks, dwayne.

You know what? We probably
really made her feel bad

Because she knows
she can't get a date.

So, what's wrong with her
coming by herself.

[Dwayne]
that's her! That's her!

[Rerun]
who? Who?

You know, the girl
in my study hall.
You know, what's-her-name.

It's perfect. Call her over
and ask her out tonight.

Ask her? In front
of you guys?

Yeah, just ask her.

What if she says no?

You'll get over it.

Raj, what if
she says yes?

Will you--will you
just go over there
and ask her.

Oh, man, I really wish
shirley could come
to the party tonight.

Gee, we got
to find her a date.

Hey, there's marvin.
Maybe he'll take shirley.

Hey, it's worth a try.

Hey, marvin!

Marvin.

What's happening?

Not much. What's happening
with you, guys?

Well, I'm throwing
this big party tonight,

And I'd like
for you to come.

All right!
All right.

Uh, there is, um,
one thing, though.

Sure! Anything! Name it.

If you want to come,
you gotta bring shirley.

Marvin!
Come here, marvin.

It's gonna--it's gonna be
a great party, man.

sh**t, I went out with his
ugly sister last week!

Hey. Well, how did it go?

Great! I pick her up
at 7:30.

Fantastic! Oh, by the way,
what's her name?

Huh?

Where does she live?

Huh?

Surely you got
the phone number.

Uh-uh!

There's gotta be--
there's gotta be somebody

Who would take shirley
to my party.

Oh! There's your brother
dewey.

Hey, rerun, let's go!

I'll be right there.

He just got back
in town this morning.

Parole?

I'm surprised at you, raj.

You're just like
everybody else.

Always suspicious of him.

It happens, he was out
of town on business.

Hey, rerun, you were
supposed to meet me at noon.

What time is it now?

10 After, man.

Come on.

Hey, shirley.

Now, come on, aren't you
coming to my party tonight?

You know, I mean,
everybody won't have a date.

I'm just particular.

You know, I don't go out
with just any guy
who's after my body.

Well, look, if you change
your mind, don't forget,
it's tonight at 8:00. Ok?

Yeah, thanks, raj.

Now, let's see. That should be




Now, that should do it.

Don't forget rerun.

That's 7 bags of potato chips,
5 gallons of ice cream,

6 Cans of punch
and 2 cakes.

Hi, mama.
How're you doing, dee?

Oh, how's my famous writer?

Just fine, mama.

Oh, roger...

Oh, this is the proudest
moment of my life.

Oh, you were born
with a special gift.

My baby.

Mama.

Yeah, baby.

My arms are
getting numb.

I'm sorry, honey.

It's all right.

I don't see what's so big
about roger's dumb story.

I read it and it
put me to sleep.

Honey, it's supposed
to put you to sleep.

It's a bedtime story.

But I read it at 3:00
in the afternoon.

Then why did you
read it?

Because you wrote it.

[Mama]
oh, that's nice.

Wow, thank you, dee.

Well, I'd do anything
for a brother...

And a quarter.

Oh, honey, she's just
teasing you.

Now,

Did you ask any other friends
to come to the party, tonight.

Yeah, I asked shirley,

But she won't come
because she can't get a date.

Well, can't you find
a date for her?

Impossible!

All the guys I know,
know her.

Shirley might come?

She might.

[Exhales]

Boy, who on earth do I know
would take shirley out?

The only way you could get
somebody to take shirley out
is to pay him.

Dee, you're no help at all.

[Muttering]
get somebody to pay him...

That's not a bad idea, dee.

I think I will pay somebody
to take her out.

Ooh, mama's isn't
gonna like that.

Ooh, mama better not
find out about this.

[Door closing]

Well, if shirley's coming,

It'll have to be 20 bags
of potato chips,

60 Gallons of ice cream...

Well, mrs. Robinson,
thank you.

I'm so proud you were pleased
with your escort.

I must say, the young man

Found you
quite delightful, too.

He wasn't the least
bit uncomfortable
with the age difference.

Yes, he found them
in the car.

Now, will you be coming
to pick them up,

Or shall we send
your dentures to you?

Fine. They'll be
in the morning mail.

Watch your fingers!

'Bye.

Young man, may I help you?

Uh, yes. I want
a handsome escort.

I beg your pardon.

Oh, no, no, no!
Not for me.

It's for a friend of mine.
Her name is shirley wilson.

Oh, well, that's a horse
of a different color.

Oh, no, she's black, too!

All right, so,
what do you want me to do?

Well, uh, take this
friend of mine
to roger's party tonight.

Oh, yeah! Which friend?

Shirley. It's just
a little favor.

The waitress?

All right,
so, it's a big favor.

All right,
what's in it for me?

I'll tell my friends
what a great guy you are.

Who cares?

I'll tell the family
what a great brother you are.

So what?

I'll tell the cops
I haven't seen you.

You got it, man.

Uh, so, what's the problem?

Well, the usual practice
is for the young lady to call

Or to come here in person.

Yeah, I know, but see,
I want this to be a surprise.

A surprise?

Yeah, I want the escort
to go down to the soda shop,

And pretend he's fallen
madly in love with shirley,

And bring her
to my party tonight.

Well, if it's all right
with the escort,
it's all right with me.

Good.

Now, can you afford
to pay our fee?

Are you kidding?

Have you ever read
"mr. Beaver builds a dam

And saves the town
of gumdrop falls?"

No.

I'm waiting for the movie.

Well, I happen
to be the author,

And I can assure you
I can afford the fee.
How much is it?

$35.

$35?

That's right.

But, come on,
can't you make it $15?

I mean, look, after all,
this is a party

With free food
and free drinks for this guy.

No. I'm afraid not.

You see, I'm sending you
allan evans,

And he's one of our cutest.

[Sighs]

Well, what do you give
for one of your ugliest?

$35.

Tsk,

Oh, well,

What can you do?

Thanks, shirley.

Something wrong
with your hamburger, dwayne?

Oh, no, it's fine,
I'm just not very hungry.

Sure seems like a waste.

I know. Too bad we can't give
some of this leftover food
to the underprivileged.

Consider it done.

See you, shirley.

[Whispering]
...shirley?

Yes?

Well, hello there.

Is anyone sitting here?

No, I don't think so.

Well, thank you.

I'll just move these
dirty dishes out
of the way, here.

Yes.

What are you
looking at?

I'm sorry.
I was just kind of
looking at your face.

It's so--it's so
different.

Excuse me,
what I mean is...

My name is allan evans

And, uh, your name is...?

Shirley.

Yeah, shirley, of course,
it's so devastating,

So divine,
so fantabulous.

You see, shirley,
I'm new in town and, um,

Well, I was just kind of
looking for a little company
this evening.

Pool parlor, 2 blocks up.

I'm sorry,
I meant female company.

Massage parlor,
3 blocks up.

You don't seem
to understand, shirley.

Why, I think that
you're the greatest gal

That I've seen
in a long, long time.

Funeral parlor,
4 blocks up.

Shirley, really,
this is no joke.

It isn't?

It certainly isn't.

Why, you know, I'd like
to take you out. Uh, shirl?

I can call you "shirl,"
can't i?

Why not?

Listen, shirl,
what sign are you?

I'm a leo.

Uh, don't tell me,
you're a taurus.

What makes you
think so?

All that bull.

No, shirl, unfortunately
I'm a sagittarius.

Well, sagittarius
is the hunter.

Yes.

And leo is the lion.
Mmm.

And will the hunter
try and capture this lion?

In his den.

Oh, lord!

Oh!

I'm sorry!
I'm sorry!

Oh, I'm--

That's quite all right, shirl.
That's quite all right.

I'll just run right over
to the men's room
and clean it right out.

Don't go away, shirl.

Don't you go away.

I'm not moving, al.

Oh!

[Whistles]

Hello there, foxy mama.

Hey, this is your lucky day.

Dynamite dewey's
going to take you out.

Huh?

Mmm-hmm, let's sit down
and get to know each other.

Uh, this table's taken.
Let's sit over there
at that table.

[Cook]
shirley, pick up!

Don't move!

[Groans]

Oh.

Now, where were we?

Oh, right. Uh, looky-here,

There's a righteous party
going down tonight,

And I want you
to go with me.

A party?

Tonight?

You got it.

Ok, shirl,
I'm all ready.
Can we continue?

Uh, excuse me one minute,

"Dynamite."

You called, al.

Yes, yes, let's see.
Where were we?
Oh, yes, of course.

We was talking about
taking you out this evening.

Listen, there's this
great party that I'd love
to take you to--

Shirl, hurry up and take
that dude's order
so we can rap.

Coming.

Excuse me, shirl.
Is this gentleman here
bothering you?

Take your hands
off my girl.

I'm sorry, sir.
Your girl?

Your girl?

That's right,
now back off!

Now, wait a minute,
fellas.

Look, I know
I'm beautiful,

But there's enough
of me to go around.

Yo, maybe we ought
to settle this outside.

Yes, maybe we should
and quickly,

Because I have a party
to go to tonight.

Excuse me a second.

Listen, sucker,
I'm getting $35

To take the broad out.

Hey, man...

Take your hand off
my back.

What?

Hey, look, my brother
asked me to take--

We'll be right
with you, shirl.

I don't care
about your deal, man--

Now, just hold it,
hold it.

I'm not going
to any party with
either one of you tonight.

You mean to tell me, I wasted
my whole afternoon?

Hey, but wait a second.
I thought you were gonna--

But don't be
strangers,

Who knows...

Another time,
another place.

Like tomorrow, allan?

Or monday, dewey?

Tuesday, allan,

Wednesday, dewey,

And on the 7th day,
this child's gotta rest.

Mmm!
Mmm-hmm!

♪ [Music playing]

[All chattering]

[Panting]

Yeah, you're
a good dancer, gloria.

Hmm, thank you, raj.

I'm really at my best
when I'm with somebody
who can really do it.

How do you like
raj's dancing?

Oh, it's great for
the carpet,

His feet never
touch it.

[Clears throat]

Mrs. Thomas, do you think,
I can help you?

Oh, yes, honey.
Thank you.

So I'm not fred astaire.

You're not even
fred flintstone.

What's happening?

Rerun!

Everybody,
this is priscilla.

Aren't you pretty.

Thank you.

I think you better grab
a bite to eat
before it's all gone.

Oh, there'll be
plenty of food.
Shirley's not coming.

Shirley's not coming?

Oh, I guess not, mama.

It's her own fault, too.

My brother dewey did me
a favor and asked her out,

And she turned him down.

What?

Rerun, that's
a nice thing you did.

Well, it didn't do
any good.

No.

At least it didn't
cost you anything.

Enough, dee.

What do you mean?

Raj paid someone
to take shirley out.

What?
What?

Well, mama,
I felt sorry for her.

So, I went to this
escort service,

And I got a guy
to ask her out.

But I guess
she turned him down, too,

And it cost me
my whole $35 check.

Ooh, you spent
your whole check?

Now, you're gonna get it!
Give it to him, mama.

Oh, be quiet, dee.

Roger,

Oh, I'm really proud
of you.

It was my idea, mama.

What's happening?

Ooh, well...

Hello, dwayne.

Hello, mrs. Thomas.
You know shirley, my date?

I sure do.

Shirley,
you look lovely.

You certainly do.

Thank you.

Hey, shirl,
let's check out the buffet.

Ok, and the food, too.

Oh, no, thank you.

Hey, what happened to
your big date with maxine?

Oh, well, you see,
she, uh, well...

She-- did she break
the date with you?

Yeah. Yeah, she broke it
this afternoon.

Luckily, shirley was free,

Or else I wouldn't have had
anybody to come with.

Now, why would
she do that?

I don't care, maxine was
too pretty, anyway.

I never expected her
to say yes in the first place.

[Knocking on door]

entrez!

M-m-m-ma-ma-maxine!

Sick, huh?

Nobody breaks
a date with me.

You're all wet.

So, you broke
the date with her,

So you can bring
shirley here tonight.

Yeah.

Here, dwayne, I think
you might need this.

Thank you, mrs. Thomas.

You know, you 3 are about
the nicest young men
in the world.

This is true.

[Laughing]

Hey, dwayne,
you're my date,

Aren't you gonna
dance with me?

Sure, shirley.

Excuse me. I'm gonna
dance with my date.

You know, roger,

I want you to know, this is
the proudest day of my life.

Oh, thank you, mama.
I'm really proud of you, too.

And that was
a great party you gave.

All the kids loved it.

Yeah, but none of
them wore these dumb hats.

Hey, what do you mean
dumb hats?

Hey,

How do I look?

Just fantastic!

Fantastic?
That's right.

You mean fan-tacky.

With this hat on
top of my body,

I look like
mount everest.

Wait a minute.

How about me?

You look like a pencil.

Oh, wait a minute.

What, mama?

Ah, let's not waste
all the hats and decorations.

♪ Da-da-daa

What's that?

A piece of ancient history,

Called the "lindy."

♪ [Music playing]

May I have this dance,
mr. Thomas?

Certainly, mrs. Thomas.