01x02 - The Birthday Present

[bunniefuu]

[People chattering]

Hey, what's
happening, bobby?

Hey, what it is?

Hey, shirley.
Yeah?

You seen raj?

Not yet.

♪ [Music playing]

Come on, fella,
watch it!

What's happening,
fatstuff?

If I'm fat, child,
you're superfat.

It's a bird,
it's a plane,

It's superfat, yeah.

Dwayne, thanks for all
your help in geometry.

I passed!

Oh, come on.
Why you got to do that?

How...

How do you do?

You're new at school,
aren't you?

Yeah, that's right.

[Whispering]
c'mon, c'mon,
scoot over...

I see you haven't had
the pleasure of meeting me.

The name is
freddy stubbs.

My close friends
call me rerun.

But you can
call me yours.

And you can call me a doctor,
because you make me sick.

She loves me!

Hey, dwayne?
Yeah.

Where did he get a name
like rerun anyway?

0H, 'cause every summer
he got to go back to school

To repeat what
he did all winter.

Hey, everybody.
What's happening?

Hey, dwayne, rerun.

Hey, what's
happening, raj?

Where you
been?

Window shopping.

Tomorrow is my
mother's birthday.

No kidding, what are
you gonna buy her?

I don't know, but I want
to get her something
really great.

Like what?

Well, did you see mahogany,
with diana ross?

[Both]
oh, yeah.

Man, did you see all the stuff
she wore in that picture?

Those earrings and bracelets
and long fur coats.

Oh yeah, man, that'd
be a great idea
for a present.

Sure is!

A ticket to mahogany.

How could you be
so stupid, dwayne?

He wants to get her
one of those fancy things
diana ross had.

Right. I want to get her
something really special.

You know, like, a movie star
might have.

Get her a maid.

She don't need a maid.
She is a maid.

Please.

She is a supervisor
of domestic maintenance

In private residences.

Sounds like
a maid to me.

How much money you got
to buy her a present?

$2.

[Rerun]
$2?

Raj, you can't get
anything good for $2.

Yes, you can!

For $2, you can get her
a really great frisbee.

Oh, does she have
one already?

Look, maybe if
we go down to
boorman's department store,

We'll find
something nice there, huh?

Yeah, maybe.

Ok, what you big
spenders want?

D'you have a cheeseburger
with a lot of onions?

Yeah.

Good...

[Sniffs]

For a while,
I thought that was you.

[Bell ringing]

I don't think
they have anything

In this store
for $2.

Well, let's just
look around.

Ok.

[Man]
excuse me.

Find anything?

No, man.

What you doin'?

Oh, just looking around.

Just looking around?
Can I help you?

Certainly.
Go look over there.

Wait a minute.
I didn't do nothing.

Let me go, man.

There's a party at my uncle's
for her tomorrow night.

She gonna look
good in this!

Uh, all right.
D'you like the blouse?

Uh, how much
is it?

$8.

$8?

$8. Do you want it?

Uh, I just don't
like to rush into
these things.

Oh, well then, uh,
take your time.

Oh, thank you.

[Laughing]

Excuse me
a minute.

I have to talk to my
financial advisers.

What am I gonna do?

Listen, raj. I got
this dollar. You can
have it if you want.

Come on, dwayne,
he needs $6.

That dollar isn't
going to help him any.

I could use
it though.

Thanks, dwayne,
but rerun is right.
It's not enough.

There's only one way
I'm going to get
that other $6.

How's that?

I'm gonna have to
get down on my knees

And pray for a miracle.

Come on, miracle!

I need a 6 now.
Gimme two 3s,

A 5 and a 1,
or a 2 and a 4.

Come on, man.
We all can add.
Just throw the dice.

Throw them?
Throw them?

You don't throw
miracle workers.

You gently glide them
across the floor

So that they may
roll into a 6.

This is for mama's blouse!

Aw!

[All]
all right, man, yeah!
Right on!

A 3 and a 3,
a miracle for me.

[Boy]
hey, man, I don't
believe it.

Ooh!

Ooh!

You're playing dice.
I see that.

We know what
we're doin'.

And we don't need
no howard cosell

With peanut butter in her
mouth to describe the game.

Now, get out the door.

I'm telling mama
you're playing dice.

Good, you go do that,

'Cause mama's working
across town.

Yeah, I'll do that, too.

[Laughing]

♪ [Humming]

Oh, hi, mama.

Oh, hello, baby.

Mmm.

How come
you're home already?

Oh, ms. Clements forgot
it was her bridge club
this afternoon.

And she sure didn't
need me there.

How come your room
is such a mess?

How do you know?

How do I know that
pigs like mud?

Go clean it.

Ok.

Oh, should I tell roger
to come downstairs

And stop playing
dice and say hello?

Is he upstairs
playing dice again?

Oh, my!
Did I say that?

Oh, no.

I heard it
from walter cronkite.

How much money
you got now, raj?

$6, And when
I roll this 7,

The blouse is mine.

Go on, roll your 7, so
we can get out of here.

All right, here it is.
This is for mama's blouse.

Hello, 7!

Hello, mrs. Thomas.

Uh, uh, uh, wait a second,
mama. Wait a minute.

Oh! There they are!
I found my cufflinks myself.

So, now I don't have to pay
you guys' reward money

'Cause I found
them myself.

Is all that
money yours?

Yes, ma'am.
You wanna borrow some?

What you need,
a quarter? Here you go.

Give me all of that
dice money right now, roger.

All of it?

All of it!

But mama...

And I wouldn't say
"but" if I were you.

It might give me
an idea, dear.

I-i-i'll just hold this
for you right here
in my pocket.

I need that
money, mama.

What on earth for?

Uh, what for?
Rerun was
talkin' about--

He needs it for, uh...

He needs it for, uh, uh...

Dwayne can explain
better than all of us.

Oh, mrs. Thomas.

Oh, wow. We need
the money for, uh,

He needs
the money for, uh....

Oh, oh, there's these
needy kids in pennsylvania.

That's it.

I want all of you
out of here right now.

Ok, mama. Bye.

Uh-uh,

Not you, las vegas.

You're staying in
this weekend.

The whole weekend?
Oh, i--i can't, mama.

I gotta--i gotta
buy something
for... For school.

I've got to buy
something for school.

Well, school is
not until monday,

And I'll give your
money back on monday,

If you behave yourself.

Now, I'm goin' shopping,
and I don't want you to step

One foot out of this house
until I come back.

Now, you hear?

Hmm.

Needy kids
in pennsylvania.

[Bell ringing]

Ah, ah!

I would like to
buy this blouse.

What size?

What size? Well, I never...

Well, is she a small,
a medium, a large?

Keep goin'.

Ok, all right, here--here
you go. Here's an extra-large.

Oh.
Wait, let me see this.

How's this?

Oh, yeah. That
looks good.

You got another one
for my mama?

No, that's the last one
we have left,

But I think
she looks good in it.

It's not my--
it's not my color.

Ok, we'll take it.
Would you please
wrap it as a gift?

All right, that's $8.48.

$8.48?

It says $8.

[Rerun]
right.

That's without the tax.
With the tax, it's $8.48.

But I don't want
the tax.

You can keep the tax
and just sell me the blouse.

I--i--i don't care
what you want.

Do you have $8.48?

No, sir, because we didn't
think it would be $8.48.

We thought it
would be $8.

Then why don't you borrow
the 48 cents
from your friends?

Then where would
I get the other $8?

All right, uh,

Let me ask you
a simple question, ok?

Do you have any money?

Money?

[Guffawing]

Who needs money?
We are living
in the credit era.

So, I would like to

Open up an account
and charge this.

All right, you guys.
You've had a lot of fun.

So, why don't you take
a walk, ok?

How about letting
me work for you?

I-i'll start now and
I'll work until it's paid off.

We'll work
all weekend.

We'll--we'll clean up
the windows and the floors.

I told you to take a walk,
I've got things to do.

Oh, ok, here's
what I'll do.

I'll take the blouse
and I'll leave you an i.o.u.

That's perfectly legal.

Just write i.o.u.

$8

And 48 cents.

Love,

Roger

Roger thomas.

Here's my address
and my phone number.

That should do it.

That's acceptable to me.

Wrap it.

All right, you guys.
If that's how you
want to play,

Stay right here
and don't move, all right?

Thank you.

[All chattering]

Look, I wasn't really
stealing it.

I was just trying to see
how it looked in the light.

Come on, brother.

No?

Ok, at least let them go.
They didn't take it. I did.

And I left you my i.o.u.

Please?

No, raj, we're all
in this together.

That's right. If one
of us is guilty,
we're all guilty,

And if we're all guilty,
we all should be punished.

Everybody stay
right here,

I'm goin' to
get the police.

There he is.

Listen, we didn't
do anything,

And you better let us go home,
or else we're gonna be
in trouble.

You are in trouble.

And so are you, because you
haven't read us our rights,

Or let us make
our phone call...

Or brought us
our meal.

How about
that i.o.u.?

That was legal.

It had my name, my address,
and my phone number.

I know. I used it
to call your mother.

Oh, no, man. No.

Man, what d'you
do that for? God.

[Policeman]
I caught millie
shoplifting again.

I wasn't going
to keep it, bert.

I was going to try it on
when I got home

And if I didn't like it,
I was going to bring it back.

Now, c'mon, millie.
Any other story

But that old "I was gonna
try it on at home" routine.

But, I was!

Well, what'd she take
this time?

A toaster.

Millie. When you
gonna stop?

Well, you know, I don't mean
to keep none of them things
I take,

You know that,
don't you?

Yeah.

What they catch you with,
young feller?

A blouse.

He was only going
to try it on.

Millie, go home.

And please, please,
stay out of the store.

But you all
have such
nice selection.

C'mon, millie,
let's go.

Wait a minute.

How come you're letting her go
and you're keeping us?

Because she's a lady
and we're just teenagers.

I bet if I had my blouse on,
you'd let me go.

Why don't you sit down?

Go ahead. Go ahead and
violate my civil rights.

Go on, hit me,
sucker, hit me.

Gladly!

Mama, I didn't
steal anything.

Shush your mouth!

I'm innocent. You believe me,
don't you?

I don't want to hear
a word out of you.
Come on!

Now, what was it
that he stole?

A blouse.

A blouse?

Yes, I guess it
was a blouse.

So, you got yourself a new
girlfriend now, who makes you
steal things, right?

Listen, mister,

Nobody in my family
was ever a thief...

Yes, ma'am.

And ain't nobody in my family
gonna be a thief.

I'll pay for
the blouse.

How much is it?

No, no. Just--just forget it.
Just take your son
and his friends home.

But next time--

Next time, I'm gonna
have to call the police.

Well, thank you.

Thank you very much.

You're welcome.

Come on here, dillinger!

Now, and what are you 2
waiting for,
a private invitation? C'mon!

Come on, capone.

Hi, baby.

I don't see why you
can't find something better
to do with your time

Instead of gettin'
in trouble all the time.

We didn't
do nothing.

Seriously,
mrs. Thomas.

You didn't
do nothing?

So, they call me downtown
for nothing, huh?

We just went to the store
with raj to buy that blouse.

He was goin' to pay for it
monday when you gave him
his money back.

Well, I'm going to get
to the bottom
of this right now.

Ooh, you're going
to get it, raj.

Why don't you
shut your face?

Now, don't you talk to
your sister like that.

Yeah, don't talk
to me like that.

Why don't you shut
your face!

Now, who were you buying
that blouse for anyway?

A--a girl.

That's right.

Just some--
just some girl.

A girl, huh?

What girl?

Uh, uh, just--just
some girl.

So you just don't intend
to tell me the truth, hmm?

Ok, give me that belt.

Mama!

You can
have mine.

Give me that belt.

Oh, mama, you haven't used
this belt on me in years.

You know, you're right.

And I think it's about time
you 2 got reacquainted.

Stealing some blouse
for some girl.

Well, that girl is
gonna be topless,

And you're going
to be bottomless.

Now get your butt upstairs.

[Muttering]

And you 2, go home
to your mamas.

Yes, ma'am.
Yes, ma'am.

Dwayne,
come here.

We're goin' to buy
his mama that blouse.

And where are we
goin' to get the $8?

That dice money
is still in that pocket.

Uh-uh.

Uh-huh!

Uh-uh, it's stealing.

It's not stealing,
it's raj's money.

He was goin' to buy her
that blouse with it.

We're just saving
him the trip.

Uh-uh. It's in
his mama's pocket.

She was gonna give him
the money back on monday.

We're just saving
her a weekend.

Uh-uh.

Look, is roger
your friend?

Yeah.

Am I your friend?

Yeah.

Do we let you hang
around with us, and
keep you from getting hurt?

Yeah.

Well then,
go on and take that money.

Uh-uh.

I know, we'll both
take his money.

Your mama really
laid it on you, didn't she?

If you hit me one more time,
I'm gonna really
lay it on you.

Aw, man, come on.
Forget about that.

Look what we got, man,
look, what we got.

What's that?

It's that blouse you
wanted to get your momma.

Oh, man!

It's not hot, is it?

It's not hot.
We paid for it.

[Dwayne]
that's right.

Paid for it?
Where'd you get the money?

Huh?

Where did you get the money!

Oh, rerun borrowed it
from his brothers.

Since when did they
become so generous?

Those are the 2
meanest cats I know.

I told them it was
for your mother.

Uh-huh.

You know, there are
certain words
that get to them.

Like, mother, apple pie,
probation officer.

I thought I heard
you 2 criminals in here.

Happy birthday, mama.

[Gasps]

What is this, anyway?

It's your birthday
present, mama.

Come 0n,
open your present.

Come on
and sit right there.

Come on over here,
open your present.

Open it.

Lemme see.

Uh-uh.

What's the matter,
you don't like it, mama?

Oh, I love it.

You're gonna wear it
to the party.

I didn't know they
had parties in prison.

It's not stolen,
mrs. Thomas.

It's paid for.

And here's
the sales slip.

Hey, don't show
her how much--

Gimme that.

$8.48. Paid.

Happy birthday, mama!

[All]
♪ happy birthday to you

♪ Happy birthday to you

♪ Happy birthday, dear mama

♪ Happy birthday to you

Oh!

Oh, isn't that wonderful.

[Gasps]
oh...

What can I say?

I was that girl
all the time.

And you bought this
for me.

Yep.

Oh!

Where d'you get
the money?

Rerun borrowed it
from his brothers,

And I promised
to pay him on monday.

Is that right, rerun?

You got it.

That's right.

Well, no sense
waiting till monday.

I've got the money in
my pocket downstairs

And can give it
to you right now.

Uh-uh.

Come on.

Mrs. Thomas,
you don't need to
give us that money.

It's your birthday,
mrs. Thomas.

That's not right.

You can't pay for your
own birthday present.

Oh, oh, that's sweet,

But I can't
let you do that.

I'm gonna give you your
brothers' money back
right now.

Come on.

I'm sure glad you like
the blouse, mama.

You are gonna wear it
to the party, aren't you?

Oh, I sure am.

I just wish you didn't know
how much it cost, though.

Oh, that's
all right, honey.

But you're not supposed to
know how much
a birthday present costs.

Ah, don't worry
about it.

[Mama]
and where are you
2 guys goin'?

Come on, here.

Mrs. Thomas, my brothers
don't need that money back.

It'll teach
them a lesson.

A lesson? What lesson?

Never trust
a fat brother.

[Raj]
what's the matter
with you, rerun?

Take the money.

I think he's taken
your advice already, roger.

Good day, gentlemen.

You mean, we can go?

Uh-huh.

Goodbye, mrs. Thomas.

Happy birthday,
mrs. Thomas. Goodbye.

See y'all tomorrow.

So, they took the money
out of your pocket,
didn't they?

Yes, they did.

[Laughing]

But you know,

I'm not mad at 'em.

No?

Uh-uh.

And you know
something else?

I don't know why
I can't stay mad at you.

Because I'm really
a wonderful person.

Come here, darling.

Oh!

Mama.

Yeah, baby?

I can't breathe.

[Chattering]

Hey, raj. You
want something?

No, babe, I'm broke.

Come on
and sit down.

Hey, you guys are the
best 2 friends a man ever had.

Your mama really liked
that blouse, uh?

Oh, man, she loved it.

I can't tell you how grateful
I am to you guys
for getting it for me.

I mean, I could never
make it up to you.

Uh, raj.

Do you know where
we got the money?

Oh yeah, but it's cool--
hey, look,

You did it
for my mama

And I'll owe you my friendship
for the rest of my life.

You don't owe us
your friendship for
the rest of your life.

That's right. You just
owe us the 48 cents
we paid for the tax.

Owe you? Buddy?

After you ripped
my mama off for $8?

Came into my house to steal?

I mean, I'm really
ashamed of you.

Really. I'm really
ashamed of you.

Bye-bye.