Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare (1987)

[bunniefuu]

[synth music]

[rooster crow]

[cows moo]

[pan sizzles]

[humming]

[razor buzzes]

[ominous music]

Second floor brigade,

breakfast is almost ready.

Okay, Mom.

Don't scramble the eggs without me.

[razor buzzes]

Don't scramble the eggs with out me?

Cal, you are ridiculous this morning.

[screams]

Daryl? Daryl?

Oh my god, Daryl.

[creepy growling]

Mommy.

Daddy.

[screams]

[menacing music]

[menacing music continues]

[rock music]

♫ Eyes staring from the wall

♫ I look away

[New Wave music]

♫ She is very poised

♫ Self-Dramatization

♫ Fact or fiction?

♫ Lies, living

♫ Living

[New Wave song continues]

[spooky chanting]

[spooky chanting continues]

Okay people, here's your new home

for the next five weeks.

It's a g*dd*mn farm.

Hey, no one's lived here for ten years?

Relax, would I pick a loser?

Now, we have all the comforts of home here

and none of the hassles.

The gas and electricity
has been turned on for us

but there's no telephone and no t.v.

Ah no.

You guys never let me get to the but...

But in yon barn-like structure,

we have constructed a


Let me guess,

to record roosters in the morning.

Nothing to break our concentration

and plenty of rooms so everyone
can get a little privacy.

Hey, really mate,

what are we supposed to do here?

Rehearse, lame brain.

The city softened your ears and your arms.

In our last gig,

he didn't even play the
same song we were playing.

So now that we're here to
rehearse our new album...

Or lose our advance.

Or lose our advance,

we got a month to come up with ten minutes

of new, good material

and we're not going anywhere until we do.

Frigging great,

but why Canada?

Because Toronto is
where it's happening, man.

The music, the film industry, the arts.

The only way to get you guys to rehearse

is to lock you in a place

where you have no distractions,

nothing to do but play.

Back to nature, huh?

No hot tubs or Dynasty.

It's kind of like a vacation,

I like it.

You would.

Come on you two, don't start.

Rod, let's go find a clean room.

Okay, listen.

Dinner will be ready at six.

We'll have a quickie band meeting

and then we start our first rehearsal

so that gives us about two hours

to get settled in.

And by the way,

I'm doing all the cooking.

Great, just great.

First of all, we have to
take in our own baggage

because you're too cheap
to get us a roadie.

And now, we have to eat your cooking.

Stiggy baby, why couldn't
you become a coke dealer

or something sensible?

Hey Carl, come here.

I just want you people to meet the man

who made this all possible.

Carl, come over here.

Yay, Carl.

Let's hear it for him.

Hi g*ng, how are you?

You'll have to excuse me,

I'm just going to talk to
Carl for a minute, okay?

Carl, listen,

we really appreciate
everything you've done for us

but I need the keys to the house.

Yeah, I got the keys here.

You know, I wanted to tell you,

you know the barn over there?

This one?

Yeah, the big barn there.

You know, that recording company

R-C-S?

A.

A, right.

They came here with Alice Blooper.

Cooper.

Yeah, and they built a
recording studio up there...

Keys.

A 24 track recording studio.

I'd like to have them.

Yeah, I have the keys here.

Can I...

I wanted to tell you something though.

This is not the first band
that's been here, you know?

Oh really?

No, we had Bob Stewart here.

Rod.

The key, did he have his own key?

Eh?

Key, oh never mind.

Also, there's a room up there,

in that house there and
there's a piano bed in there.

So it's what, it's like a real piano

or it's a bed shaped like a real piano?

Oh yeah.

And it has the keys and everything?

No, it doesn't have any keys.

Neither do I, Carl.

I need the keys.

Oh, why didn't you ask?

Sorry, I guess I wasn't thinking.

Thanks for your help.

You'll see.

So, what do you think?

Isn't this great?

So Randy and I are in the master bedroom

and there's a smaller bedroom

for Roger and Mary.

What about Stiggy and I?

Rod and I are actually married.

Get a load of the child bride

There's a guest bedroom,

you and Stig are in there.

We'll put Max in the
office on the second floor

because we moved a cot in there.

And Dee Dee, we'll put
you on the first floor

because there's a fold-out bed in the den.

And I'm on the couch in the living room.

Where else?

Okay, you guys get settled in.

I'm going to lock up the van.

I'll see you guys later.

Guest room, how long are
we going to be in this dump?

Until your boyfriend learns

which hand plays which drum.

No sweat, sweet-knees.

Great.

[wind whistles]

[ominous music]

I'm okay, honey,

I'm just locking up the van.

I'll be up in a minute, okay?

[melodic chanting]

[muted rock music]

Is that it for the bird?

All but the last rites, mate.

Well you outdid yourself tonight, Phil.

I'd like to propose a
toast to Roger and Mary

who started off Triton's biggest year yet

by tying the knot.

Yeah.

Cheers.

Mazel Tov.

Thank you.

Stiggy has a toast.

I do?

Come on, you idiot,

what do you have to be thankful for?

I'd like to propose a toast to Phil

who came up with this wonderful
dinner for us tonight.

So how do you like your rooms?

It's just wonderful John, really great.

There's no place we'd rather spend

our Honeymoon than with the band.

Thanks, guys.

Mary, I feel like I'm
welcoming you into my family.

My room is fine.

A little empty

but fine.

Okay, it's time to say much about music

that we've all forgotten.

Rod, Max, Stig,

let's tune our weapons.

Well girls, it looks like we have

the dish duty again.

I'm afraid I don't do dishes,

I'm not a housewife.

Who does she -

- Look, only a bad cook
doesn't clean up after dinner,

okay girls?

Let's go cut some grease, huh?

Ajax, boom boom.

[laughter]

Let's rock and roll.

[rock music]

Hey Dee Dee,

we're almost ready.

I'll be right there.

Sorry, guys,

I can't help you finish.

Hey, what's a few dirty
dishes amongst friends, huh?

You know what?

Let's go lend the g*ng some
moral support, shall we?

Come on, let's go.

[melodic chanting]

[guitar riff]

[rock music]

♫ Was a sound moving through the ages

♫ Was a sound strutting all the pages

♫ Rock

♫ Talking 'bout rock

♫ What's the power that can be the hooray

♫ Running out, making people happy

♫ Rock

♫ Talking 'bout rock

♫ And it started in the USA

♫ Ah yeah

♫ Crimson walls are shaking

♫ The Russian girls are
dancing to a brand new beat

♫ Yeah

♫ We live

♫ We live to rock

♫ We live

♫ We live to rock

♫ This kind of music

♫ Won't ever stop

♫ We live

♫ We live to rock

♫ We live

♫ We live to rock

♫ We live

♫ We live to rock

♫ They keep on rocking around the clock

♫ We live

♫ We live to rock

♫ I love this music

♫ Love to see the crowd

♫ Shaking in the aisles

♫ Screaming out loud

♫ Rock

♫ Talking 'bout rock

♫ Can you hear the CIA

♫ Cannot stop it because it's here to stay

♫ Rock

♫ It's all rock

♫ Talking 'bout rock

♫ We live

♫ We live to rock

♫ We live

♫ We live to rock

[muffled distorted music]

♫ We live

♫ We live to rock

♫ We live

♫ We live to rock

♫ Our kind of music won't ever stop

♫ We live

♫ We live to rock

♫ We live

♫ We live to rock

♫ We live

♫ We live to rock

♫ Until the sights lock on us

♫ We live

♫ We live to rock

[gurgling noises]

♫ We live to rock

♫ We live to rock

♫ We live to rock

♫ We live to rock

♫ We live to rock

Aw man, Stiggs.

Smooth move there, Wonder Wallaby.

It wasn't my fault.

Hey, relax guys,

Stig, we'll get you another one.

It's not my fault.

You get me so excited

when you're so forceful, lover.

Hey Phil, you got
those extra drum sticks?

Sure, I got a whole box in the basement,

I know I'm dealing with Mad Max.

Have no fear, Wonder Manager

will save the day.

Wonder Manager?

Yeah, it's a wonder he's our manager.

[laughter]

[ominous music]

Ah Phillip, think,

where did you put those things?

Hi Phil.

Lou Anne, you scared me.

I'm sorry.

Shouldn't you be upstairs?

Upstairs, everyone up there
only thinks about music,

they're not like you.

You appreciate the finer things in life.

You know what appeals to a woman.

I do?

You know what makes a woman hot.

You should go upstairs,

Stig is going to be wondering
what happened to you.

Why?

What's going to happen to me?

Lou Anne, I couldn't.

You don't really expect
me to believe that, do you?

Um... I...

How about those Mets, huh?

[growling]

[screams]

That was Phil.

Come on.

Phil, Phil.

Spread out everyone.

Phil.

Hey Phil, you alright?

Phil.

And he's not over by the stairs either.

Where could he be?

I don't know.

Phil's irresponsible

but not this much so.

We've had our excitement for the night,

he's probably pulling our frigging legs

like the time he booked
us all into the same

hotel room in Boston.

He probably didn't even come down here.

Let's check upstairs.

They've got a point, honey.

Let's go check upstairs.

Well it sounded like the
scream came from down here.

You're right, let's go upstairs.

Any luck?

Sniveling git is not
out at the bloody house.

That's an understatement.

We've been all over, nothing.

I even looked in the attic,

Phil can't be in this barn.

Well, I think we found him.

The van's gone.

Gone?

This is marvelous,

here we are running around
like a bunch of lunatics

and Phil's run off to
town to get plastered.

He stranded us, the loser.

Well, that's the last we'll
see of him until morning.

Come on, let's call it a night.

No mystery, Phil went into town.

Yeah, why?

The drumsticks, he
probably forgot to pack them

and went into town to get some.

Come on in the house, big fella.

You go on ahead, Randy.

I'll be up in a minute.

Don't be too long, honey.

Your singing has brought
out the beast in me, Rawr.

[mysterious music]

[crickets chirping]

John,

you know, we are on sort of a vacation.

Doesn't it feel romantic?

What's that, hon?

John Triton, you haven't
heard a word I've said.

What's on your mind?

I don't know,

maybe it's Phil.

It's not like him to run off like that.

Not like the same Phil that got lost

in the Vatican when we were in Italy

and ended up in the bathroom

of the Pope's private chamber?

Yeah, you're right.

He's probably lost somewhere in town.

So, about what's on my mind.

What's that, hon?

I'll tell you later.

[guitar strumming]

Hello.

Hi, come on in.

I was just about ready to crash.

What's wrong?

I couldn't sleep downstairs alone

with Phil disappearing like that and all.

Oh, that's tough.

What can I do to help?

Well, I thought maybe we
could just sit and talk awhile.

I hate to admit it but
I'm really wiped out, Deeds.

I probably wouldn't be good company.

Well, if you want me to leave.

No, no.

It's okay.

Is it alright if I just mostly listen?

Max, you're the best.

Hello Mr. Ebert.

Hello Mrs. Ebert.

So, how do you like married life so far?

I love being married to you

and to Dee Dee and to Phil

and to Stig and to Lou Anne.

I know, I know,

I'm sorry.

I know how important this is to you.

Would you rather have honeymooned

someplace exciting, romantic

like Hawaii or some place?

No, it really doesn't matter.

The view would be the same.

[evil laughter]

[heavy rock music]

Ohhh

Ohhh.

As usual, babe,

the best.

Yeah, Stiggy baby,

it's dynamite.

Well, I'll be right back,

I'm just going to go shake the monkey, eh.

Drain the dragon.

We live, we live to rock.

I'll be back.

The one minute wonder.

[sinister music]

And that's when I knew,

music was going to be my life.

I feel like I'm opening up my soul

to the audience

and to you.

Max, I think...

Max,

Max.

Hope that chair's comfortable.

[mysterious music]

[high-pitched laughter]

What a lucky girl she is.

Your clothes, give them to me

now.

Frigging A, mate.

[snarling]

[gurgling]

[muted rock music]

Stiggy baby, what's wrong?

What do you want?

Let me guess.

[Lou Anne] Ah, excellent.

Stiggy Dynamite, go for it.

[Lou Anne moaning]

Oh boy, Stig must be
in rare form tonight.

[laughter]

[loud moans]

[crickets chirping]

Cindy, are you sure this is the place?

What am I, a ret*rd?

My money is on the ret*rd.

Shut up.

I told you, my mom works
in the real estate office

and they've been trying to sell this dump

for the past ten years.

They're here.

Wow, Triton's here in our own town.

Great.

Far out.

Far out, Christ.

Let's go wake them up.

Come on, let's go.

[ominous music]

Hey, I've got a great idea.

Let's check them out in the morning.

Wait a minute, I thought
you said this was far out.

Go ahead, Norma,

knock.

Good evening, girls.

Uh, hi.

We're the Messasoga members
of the Triton fanclub,

I'm Cindy Connelly, president of the club.

We heard that the band was staying here.

So resourceful of you very
attractive young ladies,

why don't you come in?

[dark music]

Uh, we are in the
right house, aren't we?

Absolutelement, babes.

The band is just upstairs,

all that cocaine and stuff.

Sex and drugs really knocks you out.

Now, I'm Phil,

I'm the band's manager and procurer.

It's 2 AM, the band will
be down in about 20 minutes

so let's whip out those breasts, girls.

What?

I thought you girls
were here for the jobs.

Jobs?

The road groupies,

we have four openings for road groupies.

You travel with the band

and you grind the cocaine,

scream and faint in the audience

and you keep the costumes pressed.

Now I don't have all night

so let's whip out those
bazooms, huh babes?

Don't.

Why are you here?

I'm sorry Mr.

Phil.

I'm sorry Mr. Phil,

this isn't what we expected.

What did you expect?

You expect me to believe
that you four little

high school girls are wandering around

in the middle of the night, huh?

You want to play with grown ups,

you got to play grown up rules.

I have positions to fill
in this organization

and the four of you are going
to fill it quite nicely.

We have to get home.

Quite nicely, indeed.

We have classes tomorrow.

Now let's go down to the basement.

I have something to show you.

[evil laughter]

[birds chirping]

I'm sure Phil's not dead or anything

or he would have called.

It reminds me of the time

we were partying with Bic and Bianca

and Phil spilled the vodka martini

all over the guy from RCA Ariola.

Definitely a case of
shaken, not stirred.

[laughs]

I'm afraid I've married an octopus.

I'll finish those up, RandY.

Well, shouldn't you be out...

Okay, hurry up you two.

We're going to be ready
to play in a minute.

Rod, I thought you said

you were going to help me, not yourself.

I'm sorry,

whenever I see you doing
something so domestic

my b*ner can't help itself.

Well grab a towel from the cupboard

and give me a hand drying.

[rock music]

You know, now that we're married

I'll hire someone to do this.

Yeah, probably me.

[growling]

Hey, where's my towel boy?

That's no help.

[music stops]

Hey Max, where's Rod?

I think he's in the house.

Want me to get him?

No, I'll go get him.

Rod's inside with Mary,

why don't you let him sit this one out?

Let's rock one for the newlyweds.

Come on.

♫ Energy takes me where I want to be

♫ And you're where I want to be

♫ Girl, you give me

♫ Energy takes me where I want to be

♫ And you're where I want to be

♫ Girl, you give me

♫ I live by one simple rule

♫ I don't let nothing get by

♫ I sometimes act like a fool

♫ But it has kept me alive

♫ I set my goals and I pace myself

♫ I plan out all of my moves

♫ But when I'm starting to fall apart

♫ Well baby, I, I turn to you

♫ You give me energy

♫ Energy

♫ Whoa yeah, you do

♫ You give me energy

♫ Energy

♫ You make me stronger everyday

♫ When I have been on my feet

♫ My eyes are heavy and red

♫ You give me something to eat

♫ Ooh, and then you take me to bed

♫ My body's aching

♫ My head's spinning

♫ I feel so small in this room

♫ But when I'm starting to just give in

♫ Baby, I, I turn to you

♫ You give me energy

♫ Energy

♫ Oh yeah, you do

♫ You give me Energy

♫ Energy

♫ You make me stronger everyday

[guitar solo]

Lou Anne, Stig's never been better.

You're telling me, whoo.

♫ Energy takes me where I want to be

♫ And you're where I want to be

♫ Girl, you give me

♫ Energy takes me where I want to be

♫ And you're where I want to be

♫ Girl, you give me

♫ Energy takes me where I want to be

♫ And you're where I want to be

♫ Girl, you give me

♫ You give me energy

♫ You make me stronger everyday

Stig, great work, man.

Yeah, see I told you

this vacation would do us some good, huh?

Yeah, I feel like a changed man.

Dee, would you walk with me?

Hot playing loverboy,

why don't you come and show me

some of those new moves of yours?

Sure, Lou Anne.

Let's take a walk in the woods.

There's a little cozy
lake I'd like to show you.

Private, I hope.

Very.

Why don't we go back to your office

and take care of some
long, overdue business?

Dee, I...

Dee, did I ever tell you
how much I respect you?

I think we're on more than
a half hour break, darling.

Yeah, I see what you mean.

Well, it is a sort of a trip

and they are studio ready

so hey, let them enjoy themselves.

Roger, Mary, Max, and Dee Dee

and Stig and Lou Anne,

doesn't this give you any ideas, huh?

Yeah, I got to start
working on that new love song.

[80s rock music]

♫ Distant clouds rise above the sun

♫ Your shadow walks before me

♫ I know you're the one

♫ Oh yeah

♫ Oh yeah

♫ The planets stand in line

♫ Behind a distant star

♫ Behind your evilness,

♫ I know who you are

♫ Oh yeah

♫ Oh yeah

♫ Promise me your thunder

♫ Lightning strikes
when the lights go down

♫ You know I got your number

♫ I'll take your soul when you come around

♫ To the spell you're under

How did you find out
about this place, Stiggy?

Actually I only heard about it

but we're far enough away from the house

to do what we have to do.

You want to do it right here

on the grass with all the twigs

and mud and things?

Sure baby, you'll love it.

It'll be an original,

the first.

Well after last night,

I guess I shouldn't argue with you.

Come on, take your things off.

Ready.

So am I.

[screams]

[screaming]

That's Lou.

Huh?

I heard Lou Anne screaming, listen.

Sounds like Stig is giving
her what she deserves.

How about me?

Am I giving you what you deserve?

Oh yes, baby.

Yes.

[seductive music]

[rock music]

Hey Randy, did you
unpack my scratch paper?

I left it in the briefcase, hon.

Honey, wouldn't you like to take a shower

and relax before you start working?

I'd love to, Rand.

I just have to work on that
new song before rehearsal.

You talked me into it.

[water running]

Worth the wait?

Oh baby.

You don't know how crazy it made me

seeing all those guys at the concerts

falling all over you.

Well I remember a few
thousand teenage girls

who wanted a piece of you.

Maxie boy, Maxie boy.

Why did I have to wait so long?

Hey.

Hey what?

There was just this
little kid at the door.

A kid?

I don't see a kid.

He was there a second ago,

a little boy, he just ran off.

What's he doing in here?

Maybe he lives near here.

Maybe he's lost.

Come on, let's go look for him.

Alright.

[playful music]

Come on, little guy.

Hey, he's heading for the barn.

Come on, let's go.

He went in there.

Hey little fella,

come on out.

Yeah, come on out.

We're not going to hurt you,

we just want to meet you

and get the hell out of this basement.

I see him.

Where?

I saw something moving back there.

Hey, come on out, little guy.

See, we're not going to bite you.

[spooky chanting]

[growling]

[screaming]

[demonic shouting]

Coming to this house is the best idea

you've ever had, honey.

Enough is enough, already.

I mean we are supposed

to try to get something
accomplished up here.

How are we supposed to
rehearse our new album and tour

when everybody's running off

trying to scratch a seven year itch?

Honey, I'm getting worried too.

I think we would have heard something

from somebody by now.

I don't know,

maybe Phil came back with the van

when we were in the shower

and took everybody else back to town.

I mean, like,

that's the only answer.

I guess you're right.

How else could the equipment
have gotten put away?

Can you do the dishes, hon?

I'm going to go upstairs

and move the things I was
soaking out of the bathtub.

Yeah, sure.

Then I'm going to go to the barn

and work on that new love song.

Well, you should have
some added inspiration

after that shower, hmm.

Thanks, babe.

[rock music]

My coke, gotta have my coke.

[mysterious music]

[strange sounds]

Oh, you scared me.

What are you doing here, little boy?

Hmmm.

[sinister music]

[demonic squealing]

[demonic hissing]

[demonic squealing]

[spooky chanting]

That's enough, John.

What are you talking about, Randy?

We have to stop pretending.

The guys won't be coming back,

they're dead.

Dead?

You're crazy.

They're dead and the van is gone

and we have no way out of here.

That's not true.

The van's back,

it's right out in front.

It can't be.

Look, Phil and everybody
is around here somewhere.

Don't worry, for crying out loud.

You haven't been listening to me.

I told you they were dead

and so am I.

[demonic laughter]

Nice effect, Randy.

I like that look.

I have trifled with you long enough.

Prepare to die.

Rise, rise my precious.

Join me in the world of the living.

We must destroy this human interloper.

Rise and destroy him

like the slimy humans who
have invaded our home.

Rise and join me.

[coughing]

You're wasting my time, bub.

This is incredible.

It is almost no fun to k*ll one so stupid

as to not know who it is that slays him.

You are in my domain

and I will k*ll you

as I have k*lled your pitiful friends.

Ah, you've k*lled no one, bub.

What?

Boys less familiar
would call you Beelzebub,

or if you prefer Abbadon,

or as the Hindus called you Shaitan,

or as you were known to answer to Aremin,

Bilial, Apolleon, Asmodeus.

You see,

I do know you.

But your woman, the others,

your van, your groupies,

what of them?

Never here, bub.

Merely shadows I created to
entertain your little friends,

juicy little souls to bring
you out into the open,

just characters I do from horror movies.

Horror movies?

Yes,

that's where I saw that
nerdy bass player before.

Yes, from the one with the
guy with the hockey mask.

I've been here all alone.

Can't you see that now?

I knew if I pissed you off long enough,

you'd make a personal appearance.

I am the Intercessor.

[creatures squealing]

It's you, it's you.

[demonic growling]

I am Triton, the Archangel.

You've overstepped your line again, bub.

It is the Creator's highest law

that keeps you in your dark place.

Yet, you and your brethren still insist

on coming into this world

to try and steal a place
in the world of the living.

When will you ever learn?

So you wish to battle with me again?

This is the last time you
interfere with my plans.

Today, you will be the loser.

I am bound by this law

to strike you from this place.

This is my job.

This is your end in this place.

We will see.

[laughs]

[rock music]

♫ Riding down the highway

♫ Going a hundred and ten

♫ Passing all the byways

♫ Speeding around the bend

♫ Don't care about nothing

♫ Because luck is on my side

♫ We're riding with the wind

♫ Drive against the night

♫ Take life as it comes

♫ I live from day to day

♫ I wake at night, sleep with the Sun

♫ Just to have my way

♫ We accept the challenge

♫ To fight

♫ And never lose

♫ We accept the challenge

♫ Against all forces they choose to use

♫ No use

♫ Feel so powerful

♫ As I hold the wheel

♫ Nothing can stop us

♫ Life is so unreal

♫ Take life as it comes

♫ I live from day to day

♫ Wake at night, sleep with the sun

♫ Just to have my way

♫ We accept the challenge

♫ We'll fight and never lose

♫ We accept the challenge

♫ Against all forces they choose to use

♫ Let 'em use

♫ We accept the challenge

♫ We'll fight and never lose

♫ We accept the challenge

♫ Against all forces they choose to use

♫ We accept the challenge

♫ We'll fight and never lose

♫ We accept the challenge

[groaning]

You win this time,

this place is yours.

[fire crackles]

I'll see you again, old Scratch.

[ominous music]

Vengeance is mine

sayeth the Lord.

You have not died in vain.

I, his messenger,

have avenged your deaths.

[sinister music]

[screaming]

[closing rock music]