[ Kid static's "moonlight"
plays ]
]] ♪ You taste like moonlight
♪ lose my state of mind
♪ I ain't lying
♪ Lose my state of mind
♪ I ain't lying
♪ like a lion lying down now
♪ I ain't lying
♪ like a lion lying down now
♪ now, calm down, child
♪ Like a lion lying down now
♪ now, calm down, child
♪ it's just this thing got me
♪ Now, calm down, child
♪ it's just this thing got me
wild now ♪
♪ It's just this thing got me
wild now ♪
♪ you taste like moonlight
Wild now ♪
♪ you taste like moonlight
♪ lose my state of mind
♪ You taste like moonlight
♪ lose my state of mind
♪ I ain't lying
♪ Lose my state of mind
♪ I ain't lying
♪ like a lion lying down now
♪ I ain't lying
♪ like a lion lying down now
♪ now, calm down, child
♪ Like a lion lying down now
♪ now, calm down, child
♪ it's just this thing got me
♪ Now, calm down, child
♪ it's just this thing got me
wild now ♪
♪ It's just this thing got me
wild now ♪
]] [ moans ]
Wild now ♪
]] [ moans ]
]] [ breathing heavily ]
]] [ Moans ]
]] [ breathing heavily ]
]] stop!
]] [ Breathing heavily ]
]] stop!
Come on! Stop!
]] Stop!
Come on! Stop!
]] Geez, nicole!
Come on! Stop!
]] Geez, nicole!
What gives?
]] Geez, nicole!
What gives?
I thought you liked what I was
What gives?
I thought you liked what I was
doing this time.
I thought you liked what I was
doing this time.
Didn't it feel good?
Doing this time.
Didn't it feel good?
]] Sure it did, george.
Didn't it feel good?
]] Sure it did, george.
]] So, think how good it will
]] Sure it did, george.
]] So, think how good it will
feel when we don't stop.
]] So, think how good it will
feel when we don't stop.
[ Smack! ]
Feel when we don't stop.
[ Smack! ]
]] What did I say?
[ Smack! ]
]] What did I say?
]] Ow! I'm sorry!
]] What did I say?
]] Ow! I'm sorry!
]] Going all the way is
]] Ow! I'm sorry!
]] Going all the way is
something we're just not ready
]] Going all the way is
something we're just not ready
for.
Something we're just not ready
for.
]] Well, I feel ready.
For.
]] Well, I feel ready.
[ Smack! ]
]] Well, I feel ready.
[ Smack! ]
Pay attention!
[ Smack! ]
Pay attention!
]] Ow! I'm listening!
Pay attention!
]] Ow! I'm listening!
]] George, sex is a sacred act.
]] Ow! I'm listening!
]] George, sex is a sacred act.
All right, now, two people may
]] George, sex is a sacred act.
All right, now, two people may
love each other and have all
All right, now, two people may
love each other and have all
sorts of other feelings, but it
Love each other and have all
sorts of other feelings, but it
just isn't right if those two
Sorts of other feelings, but it
just isn't right if those two
people aren't joined in the holy
Just isn't right if those two
people aren't joined in the holy
sacrament of marriage.
People aren't joined in the holy
sacrament of marriage.
I mean, sex without that
Sacrament of marriage.
I mean, sex without that
sanctified bond may lead the
I mean, sex without that
sanctified bond may lead the
fornicators to be punished by
Sanctified bond may lead the
fornicators to be punished by
having Ret*rded b*stard babies
Fornicators to be punished by
having Ret*rded b*stard babies
or burning in the eternal fires
Having Ret*rded b*stard babies
or burning in the eternal fires
of damnation!
Or burning in the eternal fires
of damnation!
You don't want that, do you,
Of damnation!
You don't want that, do you,
george?
You don't want that, do you,
george?
]] No.
George?
]] No.
]] [ Exhales sharply ]
]] No.
]] [ Exhales sharply ]
[ sighs ]
]] [ Exhales sharply ]
[ sighs ]
you should really be thanking
[ Sighs ]
you should really be thanking
me.
You should really be thanking
me.
I mean, my willpower is the only
Me.
I mean, my willpower is the only
thing standing between us and
I mean, my willpower is the only
thing standing between us and
the gates of hell.
Thing standing between us and
the gates of hell.
Remember -- the only truly safe
The gates of hell.
Remember -- the only truly safe
sex is no sex.
Remember -- the only truly safe
sex is no sex.
[ Chuckles ]
Sex is no sex.
[ Chuckles ]
]] [ gasps ]
[ Chuckles ]
]] [ gasps ]
]] [ chokes ]
]] [ Gasps ]
]] [ chokes ]
]] [ screaming ]
]] ♪ Well, I feel so good
]] ♪ I feel so good
]] ♪ and I don't know why
]] ♪ I feel so good
]] ♪ and I don't know why
]] ♪ and I don't know why
]] ♪ And I don't know why
]] ♪ and I don't know why
]] ♪ well, I don't feel nothing
]] ♪ And I don't know why
]] ♪ well, I don't feel nothing
'cause I'm dead inside ♪
]] ♪ Well, I don't feel nothing
'cause I'm dead inside ♪
♪ and I'm up to my eyes in
'Cause I'm dead inside ♪
♪ and I'm up to my eyes in
dirt ♪
♪ And I'm up to my eyes in
dirt ♪
♪ well, I feel so strange
Dirt ♪
♪ well, I feel so strange
]] ♪ I don't feel so good
♪ Well, I feel so strange
]] ♪ I don't feel so good
]] ♪ and I don't know why
]] ♪ I don't feel so good
]] ♪ and I don't know why
]] ♪ and I don't know why
]] ♪ And I don't know why
]] ♪ and I don't know why
]] ♪ well, I don't feel nothing
]] ♪ And I don't know why
]] ♪ well, I don't feel nothing
'cause I'm dead inside ♪
]] ♪ Well, I don't feel nothing
'cause I'm dead inside ♪
♪ and I'm up to my eyes in
'Cause I'm dead inside ♪
♪ and I'm up to my eyes in
dirt ♪
[ School bell rings ]
]] damn it.
I just need a couple more
]] Damn it.
I just need a couple more
minutes to finish this story
I just need a couple more
minutes to finish this story
outline.
Minutes to finish this story
outline.
]] I know.
Outline.
]] I know.
I was just getting to the best
]] I know.
I was just getting to the best
part.
I was just getting to the best
part.
]] Ugh. Yuck.
Part.
]] Ugh. Yuck.
How can you read this
]] Ugh. Yuck.
How can you read this
sentimental tripe?
How can you read this
sentimental tripe?
]] What? It's romantic.
Sentimental tripe?
]] What? It's romantic.
]] Kath, I keep telling you.
]] What? It's romantic.
]] Kath, I keep telling you.
Romance is just another
]] Kath, I keep telling you.
Romance is just another
patriarchal social construct
Romance is just another
patriarchal social construct
designed to keep women
Patriarchal social construct
designed to keep women
submissive and teaching us, yet
Designed to keep women
submissive and teaching us, yet
again, that our sexuality is our
Submissive and teaching us, yet
again, that our sexuality is our
most marketable commodity.
Again, that our sexuality is our
most marketable commodity.
]] Okay, gloria steinem.
Most marketable commodity.
]] Okay, gloria steinem.
]] And here to illustrate my
]] Okay, gloria steinem.
]] And here to illustrate my
point...
]] And here to illustrate my
point...
]] Look, y'all.
Point...
]] Look, y'all.
It's los lesbos de san griento.
]] Look, y'all.
It's los lesbos de san griento.
[ Laughter ]
It's los lesbos de san griento.
[ Laughter ]
and I think we know which one's
[ Laughter ]
and I think we know which one's
the butch.
And I think we know which one's
the butch.
]] Oh, I'm sorry.
The butch.
]] Oh, I'm sorry.
I thought bi-curious
]] Oh, I'm sorry.
I thought bi-curious
girl-on-girl action was still
I thought bi-curious
girl-on-girl action was still
trendy this week.
Girl-on-girl action was still
trendy this week.
]] I don't want to be rude, but
Trendy this week.
]] I don't want to be rude, but
not if you're fugly, honey.
]] I don't want to be rude, but
not if you're fugly, honey.
[ Laughter ]
Not if you're fugly, honey.
[ Laughter ]
]] yeah.
[ Laughter ]
]] yeah.
It's not like you're a
]] Yeah.
It's not like you're a
tila tequila and sasha grey.
It's not like you're a
tila tequila and sasha grey.
]] Wow, I guess I'd be crushed
Tila tequila and sasha grey.
]] Wow, I guess I'd be crushed
by that if all my role models
]] Wow, I guess I'd be crushed
by that if all my role models
were brainless porn stars.
By that if all my role models
were brainless porn stars.
]] Which reminds me, I saw her
Were brainless porn stars.
]] Which reminds me, I saw her
in the gym the other day.
]] Which reminds me, I saw her
in the gym the other day.
Full bush.
In the gym the other day.
Full bush.
]] Ugh.
Full bush.
]] Ugh.
]] Better watch those rug burns.
]] Ugh.
]] Better watch those rug burns.
]] Yeah, saw you, too.
]] Better watch those rug burns.
]] Yeah, saw you, too.
Somewhere hitler's missing his
]] Yeah, saw you, too.
Somewhere hitler's missing his
mustache.
Somewhere hitler's missing his
mustache.
]] Ew.
Mustache.
]] Ew.
Who?
]] Ew.
Who?
]] Let's roll, chicas.
Who?
]] Let's roll, chicas.
It smells like fish taco tuesday
]] Let's roll, chicas.
It smells like fish taco tuesday
over here.
It smells like fish taco tuesday
over here.
[ Laughter ]
Over here.
[ Laughter ]
]] ugh.
[ Laughter ]
]] ugh.
Prime examples of what I was
]] Ugh.
Prime examples of what I was
just talking about.
Prime examples of what I was
just talking about.
Kath.
Just talking about.
Kath.
]] Hmm?
Kath.
]] Hmm?
]] Come on.
]] Hmm?
]] Come on.
They're just a bunch of wannabe
]] Come on.
They're just a bunch of wannabe
hiltons from hicktown.
They're just a bunch of wannabe
hiltons from hicktown.
What do you care what they
Hiltons from hicktown.
What do you care what they
think?
What do you care what they
think?
]] I know, but...
Think?
]] I know, but...
Okay, maybe your article
]] I know, but...
Okay, maybe your article
exposing the seedy underbelly of
Okay, maybe your article
exposing the seedy underbelly of
the prom committee wasn't the
Exposing the seedy underbelly of
the prom committee wasn't the
smartest choice for a social
The prom committee wasn't the
smartest choice for a social
standing at this school.
Smartest choice for a social
standing at this school.
]] What?
Standing at this school.
]] What?
I changed the names to protect
]] What?
I changed the names to protect
the guilty.
I changed the names to protect
the guilty.
Speaking of my high journalistic
The guilty.
Speaking of my high journalistic
standards, what do you think of
Speaking of my high journalistic
standards, what do you think of
this story?
Standards, what do you think of
this story?
"What is san griento security
This story?
"What is san griento security
really protecting us from?"
"What is san griento security
really protecting us from?"
It'd be, like, an investigation
Really protecting us from?"
It'd be, like, an investigation
on why this community felt the
It'd be, like, an investigation
on why this community felt the
need to privatize its police
On why this community felt the
need to privatize its police
force.
Need to privatize its police
force.
]] You already wrote about sgs
Force.
]] You already wrote about sgs
and racial profiling last year.
]] You already wrote about sgs
and racial profiling last year.
]] No, but this is a totally
And racial profiling last year.
]] No, but this is a totally
different angle.
]] No, but this is a totally
different angle.
]] Leah.
Different angle.
]] Leah.
]] [ Sighs ]
]] Leah.
]] [ Sighs ]
oh, you're right.
]] [ Sighs ]
oh, you're right.
It's too similar.
Oh, you're right.
It's too similar.
Ugh, damn it.
It's too similar.
Ugh, damn it.
]] Hey, you'll think of a great
Ugh, damn it.
]] Hey, you'll think of a great
story.
]] Hey, you'll think of a great
story.
You always do.
Story.
You always do.
]] Yeah, but I don't need a
You always do.
]] Yeah, but I don't need a
story.
]] Yeah, but I don't need a
story.
i need the story if I've got any
story.
i need the story if I've got any
shot at a journalism
i need the story if I've got any
shot at a journalism
scholarship.
Shot at a journalism
scholarship.
]] Hey, you never know.
Scholarship.
]] Hey, you never know.
Griento-gate might be just right
]] Hey, you never know.
Griento-gate might be just right
around the corner waiting to
Griento-gate might be just right
around the corner waiting to
make you the next rachel maddow.
Around the corner waiting to
make you the next rachel maddow.
]] Hmm.
Make you the next rachel maddow.
]] Hmm.
I like the sound of that.
]] Hmm.
I like the sound of that.
]] [ Chuckles ]
I like the sound of that.
]] [ Chuckles ]
what did she mean by rug burn?
]] [ Chuckles ]
what did she mean by rug burn?
]] Put it out of your mind.
What did she mean by rug burn?
]] Put it out of your mind.
Heads up, comrade.
]] Hi.
]] Hi.
]] [ Speaks spanish ]
]] Hi.
]] [ Speaks spanish ]
]] I'm good.
]] [ Speaks spanish ]
]] I'm good.
How are you?
]] I'm good.
How are you?
]] I'm good.
How are you?
]] I'm good.
Leah --
]] I'm good.
Leah --
bye.
Leah --
bye.
Love is in the air.
Bye.
Love is in the air.
]] What? Who?
Love is in the air.
]] What? Who?
Oh, please.
]] What? Who?
Oh, please.
]] Dude, paul jimenez has had it
Oh, please.
]] Dude, paul jimenez has had it
bad for you since jump street,
]] Dude, paul jimenez has had it
bad for you since jump street,
and you still won't toss him a
Bad for you since jump street,
and you still won't toss him a
crumb of your affection.
And you still won't toss him a
crumb of your affection.
]] Well, according to the
Crumb of your affection.
]] Well, according to the
hiltons, I may be in the market
]] Well, according to the
hiltons, I may be in the market
for a beard.
Hiltons, I may be in the market
for a beard.
]] Oh! Ba-dum!
For a beard.
]] Oh! Ba-dum!
]] Both: ching!
]] Oh! Ba-dum!
]] Both: ching!
]] All right, I'll see you
]] Both: ching!
]] All right, I'll see you
later, old buddy, old pal.
]] All right, I'll see you
later, old buddy, old pal.
[ School bell rings ]
Later, old buddy, old pal.
[ School bell rings ]
[ laughter ]
[ School bell rings ]
[ laughter ]
]] right?
[ Laughter ]
]] right?
[ Indistinct conversation ]
]] Right?
[ Indistinct conversation ]
]] I mean, I shouldn't be
[ Indistinct conversation ]
]] I mean, I shouldn't be
surprised, 'cause she wears that
]] I mean, I shouldn't be
surprised, 'cause she wears that
every single day.
Surprised, 'cause she wears that
every single day.
It's ridic-- [ laughs ]
Every single day.
It's ridic-- [ laughs ]
]] [ laughing ] it's so stupid.
It's ridic-- [ laughs ]
]] [ laughing ] it's so stupid.
]] Ashley, I would never say
]] [ Laughing ] it's so stupid.
]] Ashley, I would never say
you're lying, but for reals.
]] Ashley, I would never say
you're lying, but for reals.
Have you not gone all the way
You're lying, but for reals.
Have you not gone all the way
with carson yet?
Have you not gone all the way
with carson yet?
]] Hello?
With carson yet?
]] Hello?
We've been talking about doing
]] Hello?
We've been talking about doing
this as a team since we were in
We've been talking about doing
this as a team since we were in
fifth grade.
This as a team since we were in
fifth grade.
I'm not gonna punk out on you
Fifth grade.
I'm not gonna punk out on you
b*tches now.
I'm not gonna punk out on you
b*tches now.
]] That is, like, so cool.
b*tches now.
]] That is, like, so cool.
It's, like, "true life -- I'm
]] That is, like, so cool.
It's, like, "true life -- I'm
losing it with my friends."
It's, like, "true life -- I'm
losing it with my friends."
[ Cellphone chimes ]
Losing it with my friends."
[ Cellphone chimes ]
]] travis won't stop blowing up
[ Cellphone chimes ]
]] travis won't stop blowing up
my cell.
]] Travis won't stop blowing up
my cell.
]] It's on for saturday, ladies,
My cell.
]] It's on for saturday, ladies,
so get those afro snatches
]] It's on for saturday, ladies,
so get those afro snatches
brazilian'd.
So get those afro snatches
brazilian'd.
Oh, brit, you still have our
Brazilian'd.
Oh, brit, you still have our
safe house covered?
Oh, brit, you still have our
safe house covered?
]] My mom's still in rehab.
Safe house covered?
]] My mom's still in rehab.
We know drama.
]] My mom's still in rehab.
We know drama.
[ Cellphone chimes ]
We know drama.
[ Cellphone chimes ]
]] ooh! [ Giggles ]
[ Cellphone chimes ]
]] ooh! [ Giggles ]
]] okay, chicas, let's go tell
]] Ooh! [ Giggles ]
]] okay, chicas, let's go tell
the boys.
]] Okay, chicas, let's go tell
the boys.
]] [ Squeals ]
The boys.
]] [ Squeals ]
]] all: love you long time.
]] [ Squeals ]
]] all: love you long time.
[ Indistinct conversation ]
]] Gross!
They really said all that?
]] Yeah.
They really said all that?
]] Yeah.
So...what do you think?
]] Yeah.
So...what do you think?
"Losing it -- a group sport for
So...what do you think?
"Losing it -- a group sport for
today's teens."
"Losing it -- a group sport for
today's teens."
Is that not just the story I've
Today's teens."
Is that not just the story I've
been looking for?
Is that not just the story I've
been looking for?
]] Wait, leah.
Been looking for?
]] Wait, leah.
You're not gonna smear them in
]] Wait, leah.
You're not gonna smear them in
the school paper again?
You're not gonna smear them in
the school paper again?
]] forget the paper.
The school paper again?
]] forget the paper.
this is tied to larger social
]] forget the paper.
this is tied to larger social
issues.
this is tied to larger social
issues.
i mean, I could blog it, try to
issues.
i mean, I could blog it, try to
get it linked to huff po or
i mean, I could blog it, try to
get it linked to huff po or
daily kos.
get it linked to huff po or
daily kos.
]] sweet jesus.
daily kos.
]] sweet jesus.
you're like the julian assange
]] sweet jesus.
you're like the julian assange
of sghs.
you're like the julian assange
of sghs.
]] oh, come on.
of sghs.
]] oh, come on.
like this is any major
]] oh, come on.
like this is any major
revelation?
like this is any major
revelation?
those sluts have been giving
revelation?
those sluts have been giving
hand jobs since the eighth
those sluts have been giving
hand jobs since the eighth
grade.
hand jobs since the eighth
grade.
breaking the safety seal on
grade.
breaking the safety seal on
their overly waxed punanis --
breaking the safety seal on
their overly waxed punanis --
barely a technicality at this
their overly waxed punanis --
barely a technicality at this
point.
barely a technicality at this
point.
and besides, I'll just use
point.
and besides, I'll just use
pseudonyms again.
and besides, I'll just use
pseudonyms again.
]] ohh.
pseudonyms again.
]] ohh.
you won't be happy until you
]] ohh.
you won't be happy until you
completely ruin my life, will
you won't be happy until you
completely ruin my life, will
you?
completely ruin my life, will
you?
]] don't be so dramatic.
you?
]] don't be so dramatic.
look, in a couple months, we'll
]] don't be so dramatic.
look, in a couple months, we'll
finally be out of tea-bagger
look, in a couple months, we'll
finally be out of tea-bagger
heaven, and I promise you, you
finally be out of tea-bagger
heaven, and I promise you, you
won't even remember the
heaven, and I promise you, you
won't even remember the
kardashians' names, let alone
won't even remember the
kardashians' names, let alone
all the crap we took from them.
kardashians' names, let alone
all the crap we took from them.
]] leah.
all the crap we took from them.
]] leah.
]] come on, kath.
]] leah.
]] come on, kath.
all we need's each other, right?
]] come on, kath.
all we need's each other, right?
]] [ sighs ]
all we need's each other, right?
]] [ sighs ]
]] right.
]] [ sighs ]
]] right.
]] yeah!
]] right.
]] yeah!
[ crickets chirping ]
[ indistinct conversations ]
]] please, everyone, may i
have -- sweetie, the wine.
]] please, everyone, may i
have -- sweetie, the wine.
may I have your attention for a
have -- sweetie, the wine.
may I have your attention for a
few moments?
may I have your attention for a
few moments?
you have all entrusted concerned
few moments?
you have all entrusted concerned
citizens of san griento with
you have all entrusted concerned
citizens of san griento with
upholding the traditional values
citizens of san griento with
upholding the traditional values
that make our community such a
upholding the traditional values
that make our community such a
wonderful place to live and
that make our community such a
wonderful place to live and
raise our children.
wonderful place to live and
raise our children.
but as you also know, those
raise our children.
but as you also know, those
things we hold dear are under
but as you also know, those
things we hold dear are under
constant attack from socialists
things we hold dear are under
constant attack from socialists
and the liberal h*m*
constant attack from socialists
and the liberal h*m*
agenda.
and the liberal h*m*
agenda.
[ crowd murmuring ]
agenda.
[ crowd murmuring ]
therefore, I have proposed an
[ crowd murmuring ]
therefore, I have proposed an
overhauled abstinence-education
therefore, I have proposed an
overhauled abstinence-education
program for our young people in
overhauled abstinence-education
program for our young people in
the high school.
program for our young people in
the high school.
[ applause ]
the high school.
[ applause ]
co-authored by our fellow board
[ applause ]
co-authored by our fellow board
members judy lopez and
co-authored by our fellow board
members judy lopez and
jan beauright, this program will
members judy lopez and
jan beauright, this program will
be privately funded and not
jan beauright, this program will
be privately funded and not
subject to the whims of big
be privately funded and not
subject to the whims of big
government.
subject to the whims of big
government.
i am pleased to report that i
government.
i am pleased to report that i
have found the perfect person to
i am pleased to report that i
have found the perfect person to
lead this new venture.
have found the perfect person to
lead this new venture.
she recently fled the immoral
lead this new venture.
she recently fled the immoral
climate of her homeland in
she recently fled the immoral
climate of her homeland in
europe, realizing that only in
climate of her homeland in
europe, realizing that only in
real america could she continue
europe, realizing that only in
real america could she continue
her tireless work for the
real america could she continue
her tireless work for the
abstinence cause.
her tireless work for the
abstinence cause.
please won't you all give a
abstinence cause.
please won't you all give a
gracious welcome to liz batho.
please won't you all give a
gracious welcome to liz batho.
[ applause ]
]] [ european accent ] thank
you, jillian, and thank you all
for such a warm and generous
you, jillian, and thank you all
for such a warm and generous
welcome to your lovely, little
for such a warm and generous
welcome to your lovely, little
town.
welcome to your lovely, little
town.
the women of today are growing
town.
the women of today are growing
up in a world filled with
the women of today are growing
up in a world filled with
temptation.
up in a world filled with
temptation.
before the full blush is on the
temptation.
before the full blush is on the
bloom, they are ready to toss
before the full blush is on the
bloom, they are ready to toss
their bouquets to the first
bloom, they are ready to toss
their bouquets to the first
young man who compliments their
their bouquets to the first
young man who compliments their
rosy cheeks or their blossoming
young man who compliments their
rosy cheeks or their blossoming
lips.
rosy cheeks or their blossoming
lips.
]] excuse me.
lips.
]] excuse me.
are you saying our daughters are
]] excuse me.
are you saying our daughters are
sluts?
are you saying our daughters are
sluts?
]] no, no.
sluts?
]] no, no.
but without the right guidance,
]] no, no.
but without the right guidance,
they may become sluts.
but without the right guidance,
they may become sluts.
without the proper support
they may become sluts.
without the proper support
system, our children are often
without the proper support
system, our children are often
led astray by their burgeoning
system, our children are often
led astray by their burgeoning
feelings --
led astray by their burgeoning
feelings --
]] and the over-sexed
feelings --
]] and the over-sexed
"lamestream" media.
]] and the over-sexed
"lamestream" media.
]] yes, of course.
"lamestream" media.
]] yes, of course.
i wish to inspire our young
]] yes, of course.
i wish to inspire our young
women to tend to their own
i wish to inspire our young
women to tend to their own
gardens and remain pure until
women to tend to their own
gardens and remain pure until
that time when they are truly
gardens and remain pure until
that time when they are truly
ready for fertilization and the
that time when they are truly
ready for fertilization and the
glory that awaits them in their
ready for fertilization and the
glory that awaits them in their
marriage bed.
glory that awaits them in their
marriage bed.
[ applause ]
marriage bed.
[ applause ]
[ indistinct conversations ]
[ clang! ]
]] castidad, how could you be so
clumsy?
]] castidad, how could you be so
clumsy?
]] lo siento, señora.
clumsy?
]] lo siento, señora.
]] lo siento, lo sientoplease.
]] lo siento, señora.
]] lo siento, lo sientoplease.
]] esta bien, mija.
]] lo siento, lo sientoplease.
]] esta bien, mija.
]] sorry.
]] esta bien, mija.
]] sorry.
it's so hard to find mexicans
]] sorry.
it's so hard to find mexicans
who can do a job correctly.
it's so hard to find mexicans
who can do a job correctly.
no offense, judy.
who can do a job correctly.
no offense, judy.
]] yeah. None taken, love.
no offense, judy.
]] yeah. None taken, love.
]] isn't that just disgusting?
]] yeah. None taken, love.
]] isn't that just disgusting?
he divorces elly last year after
]] isn't that just disgusting?
he divorces elly last year after
25 years of faithful service to
he divorces elly last year after
25 years of faithful service to
marry that gold-digging, little
25 years of faithful service to
marry that gold-digging, little
home-wrecker.
marry that gold-digging, little
home-wrecker.
]] it's happening to so many of
home-wrecker.
]] it's happening to so many of
us now.
]] it's happening to so many of
us now.
and the tramps just keep getting
us now.
and the tramps just keep getting
younger.
and the tramps just keep getting
younger.
]] how the hell are we supposed
younger.
]] how the hell are we supposed
to compete against that at our
]] how the hell are we supposed
to compete against that at our
age?
to compete against that at our
age?
i mean, look at us.
age?
i mean, look at us.
]] honestly, how do you do it?
i mean, look at us.
]] honestly, how do you do it?
]] what do you mean?
]] honestly, how do you do it?
]] what do you mean?
]] you know, how do you stay so
]] what do you mean?
]] you know, how do you stay so
young and hot?
]] you know, how do you stay so
young and hot?
]] hot.
young and hot?
]] hot.
]] exactly how old do you think
]] hot.
]] exactly how old do you think
i am?
]] exactly how old do you think
i am?
]] oh, come on.
i am?
]] oh, come on.
we're all friends here.
]] oh, come on.
we're all friends here.
your skin -- it's just amazing.
we're all friends here.
your skin -- it's just amazing.
what's your secret?
your skin -- it's just amazing.
what's your secret?
]] well, in europe, I did have a
what's your secret?
]] well, in europe, I did have a
very particular beauty regimen.
]] well, in europe, I did have a
very particular beauty regimen.
but the products are rather
very particular beauty regimen.
but the products are rather
difficult to obtain here.
but the products are rather
difficult to obtain here.
]] g*dd*mn fda.
difficult to obtain here.
]] g*dd*mn fda.
because with enough money, we
]] g*dd*mn fda.
because with enough money, we
can go around them, 'cause i
because with enough money, we
can go around them, 'cause i
know people.
can go around them, 'cause i
know people.
trust me.
know people.
trust me.
]] absolutely. Absolutely.
trust me.
]] absolutely. Absolutely.
]] is it injectable, or is it a
]] absolutely. Absolutely.
]] is it injectable, or is it a
peel, or -- I mean...
]] is it injectable, or is it a
peel, or -- I mean...
]] tell us!
peel, or -- I mean...
]] tell us!
]] ladies, ladies, please.
]] tell us!
]] ladies, ladies, please.
i'm more than happy to share my
]] ladies, ladies, please.
i'm more than happy to share my
secrets with you.
i'm more than happy to share my
secrets with you.
perhaps we can gather somewhere
secrets with you.
perhaps we can gather somewhere
a little more private one night
perhaps we can gather somewhere
a little more private one night
later in the week?
a little more private one night
later in the week?
just us girls?
later in the week?
just us girls?
]] oh, that sounds fabulous.
just us girls?
]] oh, that sounds fabulous.
]] [ laughs ]
]] oh, that sounds fabulous.
]] [ laughs ]
]] amazing.
]] [ laughs ]
]] amazing.
[ glasses clink ]
]] ♪ yesterday's so far away
♪ I don't know what's true with
you ♪
♪ I don't know what's true with
you ♪
[ conversing in spanish]
you ♪
[ conversing in spanish]
[ door opens ]
[ conversing in spanish]
[ door opens ]
]] hi. Hey.
[ Singing in spanish ]
[ Gasps ]
[ Indistinct conversations ]
]] what's all this about?
]] I don't know.
]] What's all this about?
]] I don't know.
]] Ashley, we would, like, never
]] I don't know.
]] Ashley, we would, like, never
question you, but we just don't
]] Ashley, we would, like, never
question you, but we just don't
get why you didn't call us this
Question you, but we just don't
get why you didn't call us this
morning to coordinate the new
Get why you didn't call us this
morning to coordinate the new
look.
Morning to coordinate the new
look.
]] Do you see vogue in español
Look.
]] Do you see vogue in español
here documenting your fashion
]] Do you see vogue in español
here documenting your fashion
choices?
here documenting your fashion
choices?
just trust me.
choices?
just trust me.
]] girls.
just trust me.
]] girls.
]] I'll be filling you all in
]] girls.
]] I'll be filling you all in
soon enough.
]] I'll be filling you all in
soon enough.
]] girls, please, let's come to
soon enough.
]] girls, please, let's come to
order.
]] girls, please, let's come to
order.
we have a speaker here today
order.
we have a speaker here today
arranged by jillian thorne,
we have a speaker here today
arranged by jillian thorne,
president of the pta and the
arranged by jillian thorne,
president of the pta and the
ccsg.
president of the pta and the
ccsg.
she would like to speak to you
ccsg.
she would like to speak to you
about a very important issue.
she would like to speak to you
about a very important issue.
so, please let's give our full
about a very important issue.
so, please let's give our full
ladylike attention and a warm
so, please let's give our full
ladylike attention and a warm
san griento high school welcome
ladylike attention and a warm
san griento high school welcome
to ms. Liz batho.
san griento high school welcome
to ms. Liz batho.
[ applause ]
to ms. Liz batho.
[ applause ]
]] thank you.
[ applause ]
]] thank you.
]] [ chuckles ]
]] thank you.
]] [ chuckles ]
]] good morning, ladies.
]] [ chuckles ]
]] good morning, ladies.
as I look out at this room, it
]] good morning, ladies.
as I look out at this room, it
fills my heart with joy to see
as I look out at this room, it
fills my heart with joy to see
so many beautiful young women,
fills my heart with joy to see
so many beautiful young women,
your lives filled with promise.
so many beautiful young women,
your lives filled with promise.
you're like rows of precious
your lives filled with promise.
you're like rows of precious
pink rosebuds that have not yet
you're like rows of precious
pink rosebuds that have not yet
opened to reveal a lush swelling
pink rosebuds that have not yet
opened to reveal a lush swelling
of potential that lies inside of
opened to reveal a lush swelling
of potential that lies inside of
you.
of potential that lies inside of
you.
now, I know you are all
you.
now, I know you are all
extremely intelligent, and I'm
now, I know you are all
extremely intelligent, and I'm
sure you know how to make smart
extremely intelligent, and I'm
sure you know how to make smart
choices.
sure you know how to make smart
choices.
but we are all tempted at times
choices.
but we are all tempted at times
to do things that we know are
but we are all tempted at times
to do things that we know are
not right because of peer
to do things that we know are
not right because of peer
pressure or because we think it
not right because of peer
pressure or because we think it
will make us more popular.
pressure or because we think it
will make us more popular.
one of the greatest temptations
will make us more popular.
one of the greatest temptations
for girls your age is...sex.
one of the greatest temptations
for girls your age is...sex.
[ girls giggling ]
for girls your age is...sex.
[ girls giggling ]
]] [ scoffing ] oh, sh*t.
[ girls giggling ]
]] [ scoffing ] oh, sh*t.
here we go.
]] [ scoffing ] oh, sh*t.
here we go.
]] shh!
here we go.
]] shh!
]] now, please understand, I do
]] shh!
]] now, please understand, I do
not have any hang-ups about sex.
]] now, please understand, I do
not have any hang-ups about sex.
sex is a wonderful, pleasurable
not have any hang-ups about sex.
sex is a wonderful, pleasurable
part of life that I wish for all
sex is a wonderful, pleasurable
part of life that I wish for all
of you to fully enjoy...someday.
part of life that I wish for all
of you to fully enjoy...someday.
i wish to start a new chapter of
of you to fully enjoy...someday.
i wish to start a new chapter of
my organization at your school,
i wish to start a new chapter of
my organization at your school,
which empowers young women to
my organization at your school,
which empowers young women to
respect themselves and their
which empowers young women to
respect themselves and their
bodies.
respect themselves and their
bodies.
this elite sisterhood is called
bodies.
this elite sisterhood is called
the virginity action group.
this elite sisterhood is called
the virginity action group.
today I want to select a few of
the virginity action group.
today I want to select a few of
you seniors who have
today I want to select a few of
you seniors who have
consistently made good choices
you seniors who have
consistently made good choices
to serve as chastity leaders in
consistently made good choices
to serve as chastity leaders in
training.
to serve as chastity leaders in
training.
and you will wear a special ring
training.
and you will wear a special ring
that will signify your
and you will wear a special ring
that will signify your
leadership role.
that will signify your
leadership role.
]] what kind of right-wing
leadership role.
]] what kind of right-wing
nutjob cult is this?
]] what kind of right-wing
nutjob cult is this?
]] shh! Quiet!
nutjob cult is this?
]] shh! Quiet!
]] the only thing I ask is that
]] shh! Quiet!
]] the only thing I ask is that
you sign this pledge...
]] the only thing I ask is that
you sign this pledge...
stating that you will not lose
you sign this pledge...
stating that you will not lose
your virginity while a student
stating that you will not lose
your virginity while a student
at this school.
your virginity while a student
at this school.
]] see?
at this school.
]] see?
i knew there was a catch.
]] see?
i knew there was a catch.
]] so, if you've already lost
i knew there was a catch.
]] so, if you've already lost
your virginity, I'm afraid you
]] so, if you've already lost
your virginity, I'm afraid you
cannot be a chastity leader in
your virginity, I'm afraid you
cannot be a chastity leader in
training.
cannot be a chastity leader in
training.
hmm.
training.
hmm.
right now, I need girls to lead
hmm.
right now, I need girls to lead
us whose virtue is still intact.
right now, I need girls to lead
us whose virtue is still intact.
so, who will join me?
us whose virtue is still intact.
so, who will join me?
]] yeah, which is worse to
so, who will join me?
]] yeah, which is worse to
admit?
]] yeah, which is worse to
admit?
being a virgin or being a sl*t?
[ scoffs ] can you --
what the hell are you doing?
]] what? We're virgins!
what the hell are you doing?
]] what? We're virgins!
i've never even kissed a boy.
]] what? We're virgins!
i've never even kissed a boy.
]] I don't care.
i've never even kissed a boy.
]] I don't care.
keep your hand down.
]] I don't care.
keep your hand down.
this whole thing is a neocon
keep your hand down.
this whole thing is a neocon
freak show.
this whole thing is a neocon
freak show.
]] ash, we never question what
freak show.
]] ash, we never question what
you're doing, but what are you
]] ash, we never question what
you're doing, but what are you
doing?
you're doing, but what are you
doing?
]] I'm volunteering. We all are.
doing?
]] I'm volunteering. We all are.
]] f*ck that.
]] I'm volunteering. We all are.
]] f*ck that.
what about our pact?
]] f*ck that.
what about our pact?
]] get your hands up now.
what about our pact?
]] get your hands up now.
told you we'll convo later.
]] get your hands up now.
told you we'll convo later.
]] ah, yes.
told you we'll convo later.
]] ah, yes.
you pretty girls at the front.
]] ah, yes.
you pretty girls at the front.
you already look like natural
you pretty girls at the front.
you already look like natural
leaders.
you already look like natural
leaders.
please, come forward.
leaders.
please, come forward.
]] what?!
please, come forward.
]] what?!
]] leah, quiet!
]] what?!
]] leah, quiet!
]] are you absolutely sure
]] leah, quiet!
]] are you absolutely sure
they're all virgins?
]] are you absolutely sure
they're all virgins?
]] that's just the style these
they're all virgins?
]] that's just the style these
kids wear.
]] that's just the style these
kids wear.
believe me.
kids wear.
believe me.
my daughter's their leader.
believe me.
my daughter's their leader.
she knows everything about them,
my daughter's their leader.
she knows everything about them,
and they'll do anything she
she knows everything about them,
and they'll do anything she
tells them to do.
and they'll do anything she
tells them to do.
]] wonderful.
tells them to do.
]] wonderful.
i look forward to getting to
]] wonderful.
i look forward to getting to
know all of you.
i look forward to getting to
know all of you.
please take a ring.
know all of you.
please take a ring.
that's right. Yes.
please take a ring.
that's right. Yes.
put it on that finger, like a
that's right. Yes.
put it on that finger, like a
wedding ring.
put it on that finger, like a
wedding ring.
it signifies a solemn vow.
wedding ring.
it signifies a solemn vow.
now, if you would please sign
it signifies a solemn vow.
now, if you would please sign
the dossier stating that your
now, if you would please sign
the dossier stating that your
intent is to stay chaste and
the dossier stating that your
intent is to stay chaste and
pure...
intent is to stay chaste and
pure...
]] but they can't!
pure...
]] but they can't!
what about my story?
]] but they can't!
what about my story?
]] sign!
what about my story?
]] sign!
[ pen scratching ]
]] sign!
[ pen scratching ]
]] congratulations.
[ pen scratching ]
]] congratulations.
you four are the inaugural
]] congratulations.
you four are the inaugural
chastity leaders for the
you four are the inaugural
chastity leaders for the
san griento virginity action
chastity leaders for the
san griento virginity action
group.
san griento virginity action
group.
as I said, I invite you other
group.
as I said, I invite you other
girls to attend our meetings and
as I said, I invite you other
girls to attend our meetings and
to learn by their example.
girls to attend our meetings and
to learn by their example.
all are welcome.
to learn by their example.
all are welcome.
[ applause ]
]] learn by their example?
who the hell are they kidding?
and now I'm back to square one
who the hell are they kidding?
and now I'm back to square one
with my story.
and now I'm back to square one
with my story.
]] oh, don't worry.
with my story.
]] oh, don't worry.
you'll think of something great.
]] oh, don't worry.
you'll think of something great.
you always do.
]] and what about you two?
will I be seeing you at our
first meeting?
will I be seeing you at our
first meeting?
]] i-i-i'd like that.
first meeting?
]] i-i-i'd like that.
]] we'll think about it.
]] i-i-i'd like that.
]] we'll think about it.
]] hmm.
]] we'll think about it.
]] hmm.
i do hope so.
]] hmm.
i do hope so.
]] I don't get you sometimes.
i do hope so.
]] I don't get you sometimes.
why do you have to be so
]] I don't get you sometimes.
why do you have to be so
negative and pissy about
why do you have to be so
negative and pissy about
everything?
negative and pissy about
everything?
]] I'm not negative and pissy
everything?
]] I'm not negative and pissy
about everything.
]] I'm not negative and pissy
about everything.
just about things that are
about everything.
just about things that are
utterly stupid or decidedly
just about things that are
utterly stupid or decidedly
creepy, like clown art or
utterly stupid or decidedly
creepy, like clown art or
lingerie models with wings or
creepy, like clown art or
lingerie models with wings or
reading because oprah said to.
lingerie models with wings or
reading because oprah said to.
]] oh, okay, okay, okay.
reading because oprah said to.
]] oh, okay, okay, okay.
and that's another thing.
]] oh, okay, okay, okay.
and that's another thing.
look, leah, just because we're
and that's another thing.
look, leah, just because we're
friends and you think something
look, leah, just because we're
friends and you think something
is stupid that -- well, that
friends and you think something
is stupid that -- well, that
doesn't always mean I do.
is stupid that -- well, that
doesn't always mean I do.
]] wait, you want to join that
doesn't always mean I do.
]] wait, you want to join that
reactionary club of theirs?
]] wait, you want to join that
reactionary club of theirs?
]] i-i don't know.
reactionary club of theirs?
]] i-i don't know.
maybe I'd -- I'd like to go and
]] i-i don't know.
maybe I'd -- I'd like to go and
see for myself.
maybe I'd -- I'd like to go and
see for myself.
]] really?
see for myself.
]] really?
you didn't think there was
]] really?
you didn't think there was
something spooky about that
you didn't think there was
something spooky about that
woman?
something spooky about that
woman?
]] no. She's foreign.
woman?
]] no. She's foreign.
people are -- people are very
]] no. She's foreign.
people are -- people are very
different in other countries.
people are -- people are very
different in other countries.
they're -- they're more elegant
different in other countries.
they're -- they're more elegant
and cultured and stuff.
they're -- they're more elegant
and cultured and stuff.
]] yeah, I don't know.
and cultured and stuff.
]] yeah, I don't know.
it wasn't that.
]] yeah, I don't know.
it wasn't that.
i just felt like the way she
it wasn't that.
i just felt like the way she
looked at us was kind of
i just felt like the way she
looked at us was kind of
lascivious.
looked at us was kind of
lascivious.
]] she did?
lascivious.
]] she did?
i mean, uh...
]] she did?
i mean, uh...
who cares?
i mean, uh...
who cares?
look, leah, see, this is exactly
who cares?
look, leah, see, this is exactly
what I'm talking about.
look, leah, see, this is exactly
what I'm talking about.
you -- you don't even know this
what I'm talking about.
you -- you don't even know this
woman, and you're already
you -- you don't even know this
woman, and you're already
setting judgment on her.
woman, and you're already
setting judgment on her.
look, you don't even give people
setting judgment on her.
look, you don't even give people
a chance most of the time.
look, you don't even give people
a chance most of the time.
]] all right, you're not wrong
a chance most of the time.
]] all right, you're not wrong
about that.
]] all right, you're not wrong
about that.
i guess -- [ sighs ]
about that.
i guess -- [ sighs ]
you know me.
i guess -- [ sighs ]
you know me.
i trust my instincts, and my
you know me.
i trust my instincts, and my
instincts are telling me that
i trust my instincts, and my
instincts are telling me that
this whole thing is bad news.
instincts are telling me that
this whole thing is bad news.
let's -- katharine, I worry
this whole thing is bad news.
let's -- katharine, I worry
about you because you're my best
let's -- katharine, I worry
about you because you're my best
friend.
about you because you're my best
friend.
you're the nicest person in the
friend.
you're the nicest person in the
whole world, so I feel like -- i
you're the nicest person in the
whole world, so I feel like -- i
don't know -- sometimes maybe
whole world, so I feel like -- i
don't know -- sometimes maybe
you trust people a little too
don't know -- sometimes maybe
you trust people a little too
easily.
you trust people a little too
easily.
]] leah, I'm not some little
easily.
]] leah, I'm not some little
girl you have to protect all the
]] leah, I'm not some little
girl you have to protect all the
time.
girl you have to protect all the
time.
]] you know what? You're right.
time.
]] you know what? You're right.
i'm sorry.
]] you know what? You're right.
i'm sorry.
let's just forget all about it,
i'm sorry.
let's just forget all about it,
okay?
let's just forget all about it,
okay?
[ shivers ]
okay?
[ shivers ]
it's freezing in here, isn't it?
[ shivers ]
it's freezing in here, isn't it?
]] hadn't really noticed.
it's freezing in here, isn't it?
]] hadn't really noticed.
[ sighs ]
]] hadn't really noticed.
[ sighs ]
]] ♪ do, do-do-do-do
[ sighs ]
]] ♪ do, do-do-do-do
♪ do-do, do-do-do-do
]] ♪ do, do-do-do-do
♪ do-do, do-do-do-do
♪ do-do, do-do-do-do
♪ do-do, do-do-do-do
♪ do-do, do-do-do-do
♪ do-do
♪ do-do, do-do-do-do
♪ do-do
]] what the hell, ashley?
♪ do-do
]] what the hell, ashley?
first you was giving it up on
]] what the hell, ashley?
first you was giving it up on
saturday.
first you was giving it up on
saturday.
now you c*ck-blocking with some
saturday.
now you c*ck-blocking with some
virginity club?
now you c*ck-blocking with some
virginity club?
what's up with that?
virginity club?
what's up with that?
]] baby, don't get it twisted.
what's up with that?
]] baby, don't get it twisted.
this is our chance to really do
]] baby, don't get it twisted.
this is our chance to really do
something for the school.
this is our chance to really do
something for the school.
]] b*tch, please, stop fronting
something for the school.
]] b*tch, please, stop fronting
like you care about the school.
]] b*tch, please, stop fronting
like you care about the school.
]] maybe I do, f*ck!
like you care about the school.
]] maybe I do, f*ck!
you better come correct, or
]] maybe I do, f*ck!
you better come correct, or
you'll be getting busy with
you better come correct, or
you'll be getting busy with
señor mano for a year before you
you'll be getting busy with
señor mano for a year before you
tap this sweet a*s.
señor mano for a year before you
tap this sweet a*s.
]] dang! That's cold, man.
tap this sweet a*s.
]] dang! That's cold, man.
come on, now.
]] dang! That's cold, man.
come on, now.
]] damn, girl.
come on, now.
]] damn, girl.
how you gonna put a brother on
]] damn, girl.
how you gonna put a brother on
blast like that in front of my
how you gonna put a brother on
blast like that in front of my
boys, huh?
blast like that in front of my
boys, huh?
you know I don't mean no
boys, huh?
you know I don't mean no
"disrespesee."
you know I don't mean no
"disrespesee."
but I'm fitting to lose my mind
"disrespesee."
but I'm fitting to lose my mind
right now 'cause we should be
but I'm fitting to lose my mind
right now 'cause we should be
body to body.
right now 'cause we should be
body to body.
you know what I'm saying?
body to body.
you know what I'm saying?
]] please.
you know what I'm saying?
]] please.
has mama ever left you hanging?
]] please.
has mama ever left you hanging?
just got to chill for a minute.
has mama ever left you hanging?
just got to chill for a minute.
i'll still be your backseat
just got to chill for a minute.
i'll still be your backseat
driver.
i'll still be your backseat
driver.
]] yeah!
driver.
]] yeah!
]] okay. Yeah!
]] yeah!
]] okay. Yeah!
]] I got that a*s on lock,
]] okay. Yeah!
]] I got that a*s on lock,
y'all.
]] I got that a*s on lock,
y'all.
all right, shorty.
y'all.
all right, shorty.
i'll run up on your later, all
all right, shorty.
i'll run up on your later, all
right?
i'll run up on your later, all
right?
]] ♪ the one that got away
right?
]] ♪ the one that got away
♪ sex sl*ves
]] ♪ the one that got away
♪ sex sl*ves
♪ the rave at every party
♪ sex sl*ves
♪ the rave at every party
♪ epitome of beauty
♪ the rave at every party
♪ epitome of beauty
♪ down with phoebe
♪ epitome of beauty
♪ down with phoebe
♪ for the love, it makes you
♪ down with phoebe
♪ for the love, it makes you
lost ♪
♪ for the love, it makes you
lost ♪
♪ your identity, holy trinity
lost ♪
♪ your identity, holy trinity
]] hey. Let's roll.
♪ your identity, holy trinity
]] hey. Let's roll.
]] ♪ do tell
]] hey. Let's roll.
]] ♪ do tell
♪ tumble down the wishing well
]] ♪ do tell
♪ tumble down the wishing well
♪ well, well
♪ tumble down the wishing well
♪ well, well
]] ice loves coco.
♪ well, well
]] ice loves coco.
]] I love you, too, baby.
]] ice loves coco.
]] I love you, too, baby.
catch 'em.
]] I love you, too, baby.
catch 'em.
]] bye, papi!
catch 'em.
]] bye, papi!
]] mi amor, mama!
]] bye, papi!
]] mi amor, mama!
ay-yi-yi-yi-yi!
]] mi amor, mama!
ay-yi-yi-yi-yi!
]] ashley, I would never
ay-yi-yi-yi-yi!
]] ashley, I would never
question you, but you got to
]] ashley, I would never
question you, but you got to
explain why we're doing this.
question you, but you got to
explain why we're doing this.
]] we're not doing this.
explain why we're doing this.
]] we're not doing this.
]] right?
]] we're not doing this.
]] right?
]] I know it seems totally
]] right?
]] I know it seems totally
whack, but check it.
]] I know it seems totally
whack, but check it.
my mom's, like, best friends
whack, but check it.
my mom's, like, best friends
with liz now, and apparently she
my mom's, like, best friends
with liz now, and apparently she
is hooked up.
with liz now, and apparently she
is hooked up.
]] who her baby daddy?
is hooked up.
]] who her baby daddy?
]] not knocked up, dumb sh*t.
]] who her baby daddy?
]] not knocked up, dumb sh*t.
She's, like, connected.
]] not knocked up, dumb sh*t.
She's, like, connected.
Like, if we play along with
She's, like, connected.
Like, if we play along with
this, we could be starring in
Like, if we play along with
this, we could be starring in
our own reality show about
This, we could be starring in
our own reality show about
v.a.g. For mtv.
Our own reality show about
v.a.g. For mtv.
]] [ Squeals ]
V.a.g. For mtv.
]] [ Squeals ]
]] for reals?
]] [ Squeals ]
]] for reals?
]] Like our very own
]] For reals?
]] Like our very own
"jersey shore"!
]] Like our very own
"jersey shore"!
Oh, my god. Okay.
"Jersey shore"!
Oh, my god. Okay.
So, ashley's totally
Oh, my god. Okay.
So, ashley's totally
sammi "sweetheart," you're
So, ashley's totally
sammi "sweetheart," you're
jwoww, you're snooki, and I'm
Sammi "sweetheart," you're
jwoww, you're snooki, and I'm
the blast, yo.
Jwoww, you're snooki, and I'm
the blast, yo.
]] Why the f*ck am I snooki?
The blast, yo.
]] Why the f*ck am I snooki?
]] Listening ears, b*tches.
]] Why the f*ck am I snooki?
]] Listening ears, b*tches.
Y'all need to make sure your
]] Listening ears, b*tches.
Y'all need to make sure your
look is on point.
Y'all need to make sure your
look is on point.
Think "slow down baby"
Look is on point.
Think "slow down baby"
christina, not "dirrty" xtina.
Think "slow down baby"
christina, not "dirrty" xtina.
As for the rest, just follow my
Christina, not "dirrty" xtina.
As for the rest, just follow my
lead, as usual.
As for the rest, just follow my
lead, as usual.
They want sweet, little virgins?
Lead, as usual.
They want sweet, little virgins?
Then that's how we roll.
They want sweet, little virgins?
Then that's how we roll.
Now, just keep your mouth and
Then that's how we roll.
Now, just keep your mouth and
legs shut until we're on the red
Now, just keep your mouth and
legs shut until we're on the red
carpet drinking that buzz.
Legs shut until we're on the red
carpet drinking that buzz.
]] Yeah!
Carpet drinking that buzz.
]] Yeah!
]] Genius, ash.
]] Yeah!
]] Genius, ash.
I totally never doubted you.
]] Genius, ash.
I totally never doubted you.
]] What do you want?
I totally never doubted you.
]] What do you want?
A f*cking alma award?
]] What do you want?
A f*cking alma award?
[ Scoffs ] let's go.
]] What you doing here, girlie?
]] Uh...nothing.
Just looking for my long-form
]] Uh...nothing.
Just looking for my long-form
birth certificate.
Just looking for my long-form
birth certificate.
You seen it?
Birth certificate.
You seen it?
Right. Got to go.
[ Thunder rumbles ]
]] and, no, I didn't forget you.
Oh, yes. Yes.
]] And, no, I didn't forget you.
Oh, yes. Yes.
[ Cats meowing ]
Oh, yes. Yes.
[ Cats meowing ]
oh, you're so beautiful.
[ Cats meowing ]
oh, you're so beautiful.
Now, now, mrs. Danvers, you stop
Oh, you're so beautiful.
Now, now, mrs. Danvers, you stop
terrorizing mrs. De winter.
Now, now, mrs. Danvers, you stop
terrorizing mrs. De winter.
Honestly, can't we all just get
Terrorizing mrs. De winter.
Honestly, can't we all just get
along?
Honestly, can't we all just get
along?
[ Chuckles ]
Along?
[ Chuckles ]
oh!
[ Chuckles ]
oh!
Mwah, mwah!
Oh!
Mwah, mwah!
[ Doorbell rings ]
Mwah, mwah!
[ Doorbell rings ]
what --
[ Doorbell rings ]
what --
[ thunder rumbling ]
Oh. Hello.
I didn't expect to see you
tonight.
I didn't expect to see you
tonight.
I'm so embarrassed.
Tonight.
I'm so embarrassed.
I would have tidied up a bit had
I'm so embarrassed.
I would have tidied up a bit had
I known.
I would have tidied up a bit had
I known.
Girls, behave yourselves.
I known.
Girls, behave yourselves.
Don't mind them.
Girls, behave yourselves.
Don't mind them.
[ Chuckles ]
Don't mind them.
[ Chuckles ]
just, um, make yourself
[ Chuckles ]
just, um, make yourself
comfortable.
Just, um, make yourself
comfortable.
Would you like something to
Comfortable.
Would you like something to
drink?
Would you like something to
drink?
Coffee? Tea? Me?
Drink?
Coffee? Tea? Me?
[ Laughs ]
Coffee? Tea? Me?
[ Laughs ]
all right, then.
[ Laughs ]
all right, then.
Down to business.
All right, then.
Down to business.
[ Sighs ]
Down to business.
[ Sighs ]
there's this paperwork from the
[ Sighs ]
there's this paperwork from the
school board.
There's this paperwork from the
school board.
Um...
I knew...
Somehow...
From the minute I saw you, I
Somehow...
From the minute I saw you, I
knew there was something between
From the minute I saw you, I
knew there was something between
us.
Knew there was something between
us.
This is what I've been hoping
Us.
This is what I've been hoping
and waiting for all these years.
This is what I've been hoping
and waiting for all these years.
Take me.
And waiting for all these years.
Take me.
[ Moaning ] take me.
Take me.
[ Moaning ] take me.
Oh!
[ Moaning ] take me.
Oh!
Oh, what are you doing?
Oh!
Oh, what are you doing?
[ Chuckles ]
Oh, what are you doing?
[ Chuckles ]
no! Oh!
[ Chuckles ]
no! Oh!
No! Oh! God!
No! Oh!
No! Oh! God!
[ Screams ]
No! Oh! God!
[ Screams ]
[ cat screeches ]
[ Screams ]
[ cat screeches ]
[ cat meows ]
[ Cat screeches ]
[ cat meows ]
[ choking ]
[ Thunder crashes ]
]] at least stripper chic seems
to be over.
]] At least stripper chic seems
to be over.
Goodbye, hiltons. Hello, palins?
To be over.
Goodbye, hiltons. Hello, palins?
Told you that club was part of
Goodbye, hiltons. Hello, palins?
Told you that club was part of
some jesus-freak conspiracy.
Told you that club was part of
some jesus-freak conspiracy.
]] Heads up, comrade.
Some jesus-freak conspiracy.
]] Heads up, comrade.
Sorry about that!
]] Heads up, comrade.
Sorry about that!
[ Chuckles ]
Sorry about that!
[ Chuckles ]
yeah.
[ Chuckles ]
yeah.
Nice t-shirt.
Yeah.
Nice t-shirt.
]] Oh, uh, thanks.
Nice t-shirt.
]] Oh, uh, thanks.
]] You know, it's really funny.
]] Oh, uh, thanks.
]] You know, it's really funny.
Leah is really into
]] You know, it's really funny.
Leah is really into
revolutionary politics, too.
Leah is really into
revolutionary politics, too.
]] Wow. Cool.
Revolutionary politics, too.
]] Wow. Cool.
]] Mm-hmm.
]] Wow. Cool.
]] Mm-hmm.
You know, I bet you two would
]] Mm-hmm.
You know, I bet you two would
have a lot to talk about.
You know, I bet you two would
have a lot to talk about.
]] Yeah, unfortunately, I'm more
Have a lot to talk about.
]] Yeah, unfortunately, I'm more
of a simone de beauvoir girl
]] Yeah, unfortunately, I'm more
of a simone de beauvoir girl
myself, so...
Of a simone de beauvoir girl
myself, so...
]] "The word love has by no
Myself, so...
]] "The word love has by no
means the same sense for both
]] "The word love has by no
means the same sense for both
sexes, and this is just one
Means the same sense for both
sexes, and this is just one
cause for the serious
Sexes, and this is just one
cause for the serious
misunderstandings that divide
Cause for the serious
misunderstandings that divide
them."
Misunderstandings that divide
them."
]] You've read "the second sex"?
Them."
]] You've read "the second sex"?
]] Yeah, it's incredible.
]] You've read "the second sex"?
]] Yeah, it's incredible.
And her protofeminist doctrine
]] Yeah, it's incredible.
And her protofeminist doctrine
was so ahead of its time, you
And her protofeminist doctrine
was so ahead of its time, you
know?
Was so ahead of its time, you
know?
And her, um, existential
Know?
And her, um, existential
writing, like the --
And her, um, existential
writing, like the --
"the ethics of ambiguity."
Writing, like the --
"the ethics of ambiguity."
We're just slapped in the face
"The ethics of ambiguity."
We're just slapped in the face
with the absurdity of our own
We're just slapped in the face
with the absurdity of our own
existence.
With the absurdity of our own
existence.
I mean, that book, like,
Existence.
I mean, that book, like,
literally changed my life.
I mean, that book, like,
literally changed my life.
]] Huh.
Literally changed my life.
]] Huh.
Maybe we should discuss that
]] Huh.
Maybe we should discuss that
sometime.
Maybe we should discuss that
sometime.
]] [ Giggles ] bye!
Sometime.
]] [ Giggles ] bye!
See?
]] [ Giggles ] bye!
See?
He's cool and smart, and he's
See?
He's cool and smart, and he's
kind of cute, don't you think?
He's cool and smart, and he's
kind of cute, don't you think?
]] I see what you're doing, and
Kind of cute, don't you think?
]] I see what you're doing, and
I'm not falling for it.
]] I see what you're doing, and
I'm not falling for it.
]] What? I'm -- I'm just giving
I'm not falling for it.
]] What? I'm -- I'm just giving
things a little push.
]] What? I'm -- I'm just giving
things a little push.
]] Kath, I need a push like a
Things a little push.
]] Kath, I need a push like a
fish needs a prius.
]] Kath, I need a push like a
fish needs a prius.
]] Ba-dum!
Fish needs a prius.
]] Ba-dum!
]] Ching!
]] Ba-dum!
]] Ching!
]] Uh, listen, I think I forgot
]] Ching!
]] Uh, listen, I think I forgot
something in the library, so I
]] Uh, listen, I think I forgot
something in the library, so I
got to go, okay?
Something in the library, so I
got to go, okay?
]] Yeah, I got to go back to the
Got to go, okay?
]] Yeah, I got to go back to the
journalism room.
]] Yeah, I got to go back to the
journalism room.
Later, old buddy, old pal.
Journalism room.
Later, old buddy, old pal.
]] Bye.
Later, old buddy, old pal.
]] Bye.
]] Okay, chicas, let's come to
]] Bye.
]] Okay, chicas, let's come to
order so we can get started.
]] Okay, chicas, let's come to
order so we can get started.
Liz, you have the floor.
Order so we can get started.
Liz, you have the floor.
]] Thank you, ashley, and our
Liz, you have the floor.
]] Thank you, ashley, and our
other chastity leaders.
]] Thank you, ashley, and our
other chastity leaders.
And welcome, all of you.
Other chastity leaders.
And welcome, all of you.
It's wonderful to have so many
And welcome, all of you.
It's wonderful to have so many
of you here today making a
It's wonderful to have so many
of you here today making a
commitment to your virtue.
Of you here today making a
commitment to your virtue.
You can be completely open to
Commitment to your virtue.
You can be completely open to
talk about any topic you wish to
You can be completely open to
talk about any topic you wish to
discuss during our meetings.
Talk about any topic you wish to
discuss during our meetings.
Whatever is said in this room
Discuss during our meetings.
Whatever is said in this room
stays in this room.
Whatever is said in this room
stays in this room.
]] Cool.
Stays in this room.
]] Cool.
It's just like vegas.
]] Cool.
It's just like vegas.
]] Oh, hello.
It's just like vegas.
]] Oh, hello.
I remember you from the
]] Oh, hello.
I remember you from the
auditorium, yes?
I remember you from the
auditorium, yes?
Yes, of course.
Auditorium, yes?
Yes, of course.
I'm delighted you could join us.
Yes, of course.
I'm delighted you could join us.
Please. Sit.
I'm delighted you could join us.
Please. Sit.
[ Clears throat ]
Please. Sit.
[ Clears throat ]
]] [ chuckles ]
[ Clears throat ]
]] [ chuckles ]
]] now we may begin in earnest.
]] [ Chuckles ]
]] now we may begin in earnest.
Who would like to start?
]] Now we may begin in earnest.
Who would like to start?
No one has a question or a story
Who would like to start?
No one has a question or a story
they'd like to share?
No one has a question or a story
they'd like to share?
Some temptation they may have
They'd like to share?
Some temptation they may have
faced recently?
Some temptation they may have
faced recently?
Oh, very well.
Faced recently?
Oh, very well.
If you're all going to be shy, I
Oh, very well.
If you're all going to be shy, I
shall begin.
If you're all going to be shy, I
shall begin.
This story takes place in france
Shall begin.
This story takes place in france
when I was about your age.
This story takes place in france
when I was about your age.
At a dance, I ran into a young
When I was about your age.
At a dance, I ran into a young
man whom I'd met on holiday the
At a dance, I ran into a young
man whom I'd met on holiday the
summer before.
Man whom I'd met on holiday the
summer before.
He was devastatingly handsome,
Summer before.
He was devastatingly handsome,
very mature for a boy of 20, and
He was devastatingly handsome,
very mature for a boy of 20, and
he had, let's just say, a way
Very mature for a boy of 20, and
he had, let's just say, a way
with words that made him very
He had, let's just say, a way
with words that made him very
difficult to resist.
With words that made him very
difficult to resist.
[ Classical music playing ]
[ Applause ]
and that, my dears, is how I
managed to resist his advances
And that, my dears, is how I
managed to resist his advances
that magical night.
Managed to resist his advances
that magical night.
But had I been older and had we
That magical night.
But had I been older and had we
been betrothed, it could have
But had I been older and had we
been betrothed, it could have
been the perfect night for
Been betrothed, it could have
been the perfect night for
making love under the parisian
Been the perfect night for
making love under the parisian
moon.
Making love under the parisian
moon.
But as it was, we were too young
Moon.
But as it was, we were too young
to make that sort of lifelong
But as it was, we were too young
to make that sort of lifelong
commitment.
To make that sort of lifelong
commitment.
]] Right.
Commitment.
]] Right.
He could have totally used her
]] Right.
He could have totally used her
and been like, "see ya," the
He could have totally used her
and been like, "see ya," the
next morning.
And been like, "see ya," the
next morning.
Then she would have felt like a
Next morning.
Then she would have felt like a
total skeetch.
Then she would have felt like a
total skeetch.
]] Precisely.
Total skeetch.
]] Precisely.
Thank you, ashley, for
]] Precisely.
Thank you, ashley, for
rephrasing that so we could all
Thank you, ashley, for
rephrasing that so we could all
understand.
Rephrasing that so we could all
understand.
Anybody else?
Understand.
Anybody else?
]] Um, I have a question.
Anybody else?
]] Um, I have a question.
]] Yes. Kelly, go ahead.
]] Um, I have a question.
]] Yes. Kelly, go ahead.
]] Okay, so, what if you do love
]] Yes. Kelly, go ahead.
]] Okay, so, what if you do love
him and he loves you, too, and
]] Okay, so, what if you do love
him and he loves you, too, and
you both want to do it, like,
Him and he loves you, too, and
you both want to do it, like,
really bad?
You both want to do it, like,
really bad?
You're trying to wait, but he
Really bad?
You're trying to wait, but he
says that it hurts him, and he
You're trying to wait, but he
says that it hurts him, and he
says that waiting any longer
Says that it hurts him, and he
says that waiting any longer
could do permanent damage...
Says that waiting any longer
could do permanent damage...
Down there?
Could do permanent damage...
Down there?
And if that would have happened,
Down there?
And if that would have happened,
it would be totally all your
And if that would have happened,
it would be totally all your
fault, especially when you both
It would be totally all your
fault, especially when you both
want to do it, like, so bad.
Fault, especially when you both
want to do it, like, so bad.
]] Uh, I think what kelly, one
Want to do it, like, so bad.
]] Uh, I think what kelly, one
of our chastity leaders, is
]] Uh, I think what kelly, one
of our chastity leaders, is
saying is, what if one of the
Of our chastity leaders, is
saying is, what if one of the
other girls is thinking that but
Saying is, what if one of the
other girls is thinking that but
is too shy to ask, you know?
Other girls is thinking that but
is too shy to ask, you know?
Role-playing.
Is too shy to ask, you know?
Role-playing.
Right, kelly?
Role-playing.
Right, kelly?
]] Yeah, that was totally what I
Right, kelly?
]] Yeah, that was totally what I
was doing.
]] Yeah, that was totally what I
was doing.
Like a hippo-theoretical
Was doing.
Like a hippo-theoretical
situation.
Like a hippo-theoretical
situation.
]] Thank you, kelly.
Situation.
]] Thank you, kelly.
And in that spirit, perhaps one
]] Thank you, kelly.
And in that spirit, perhaps one
of your peers would like to
And in that spirit, perhaps one
of your peers would like to
answer.
Of your peers would like to
answer.
Yes, noemi.
Answer.
Yes, noemi.
]] I would never put anyone else
Yes, noemi.
]] I would never put anyone else
down for their choice, but I
]] I would never put anyone else
down for their choice, but I
think if I ever felt that
Down for their choice, but I
think if I ever felt that
tempted, I would just get down
Think if I ever felt that
tempted, I would just get down
on my knees and pray to god --
Tempted, I would just get down
on my knees and pray to god --
]] [ deep voice ] no!
On my knees and pray to god --
]] [ deep voice ] no!
[ Thunder crashes ]
]] [ Deep voice ] no!
[ Thunder crashes ]
you must never mention his name
[ Thunder crashes ]
you must never mention his name
in here.
You must never mention his name
in here.
[ Normal voice ] hmm.
In here.
[ Normal voice ] hmm.
You see, my dear, um, we could
[ Normal voice ] hmm.
You see, my dear, um, we could
get into a lot of trouble for
You see, my dear, um, we could
get into a lot of trouble for
having that sort of talk in a
Get into a lot of trouble for
having that sort of talk in a
public school, yes?
Having that sort of talk in a
public school, yes?
Well, I think that's enough for
Public school, yes?
Well, I think that's enough for
today.
Well, I think that's enough for
today.
See you all next time.
Today.
See you all next time.
]] Coffee?
See you all next time.
]] Coffee?
]] Yeah, let's do it.
]] Coffee?
]] Yeah, let's do it.
]] Totes dragging.
]] Yeah, let's do it.
]] Totes dragging.
]] I know.
]] Totes dragging.
]] I know.
]] You there.
]] I know.
]] You there.
]] Me?
]] You there.
]] Me?
]] Yes. You.
]] Me?
]] Yes. You.
What was your name again?
]] Yes. You.
What was your name again?
]] K-katharine.
What was your name again?
]] K-katharine.
]] Ah. Katharine.
]] K-katharine.
]] Ah. Katharine.
So many brave and beautiful
]] Ah. Katharine.
So many brave and beautiful
queens have shared that name,
So many brave and beautiful
queens have shared that name,
you know.
Queens have shared that name,
you know.
Hmm.
You know.
Hmm.
I see you like flowers.
Hmm.
I see you like flowers.
]] Uh-huh.
I see you like flowers.
]] Uh-huh.
]] You must be quite the
]] Uh-huh.
]] You must be quite the
naturalist, my dear.
]] You must be quite the
naturalist, my dear.
It's a wonderful thing for a
Naturalist, my dear.
It's a wonderful thing for a
young woman to respect wildlife
It's a wonderful thing for a
young woman to respect wildlife
in all its glory.
Young woman to respect wildlife
in all its glory.
Tell me, katharine, queen of the
In all its glory.
Tell me, katharine, queen of the
daisies, have you kept your
Tell me, katharine, queen of the
daisies, have you kept your
virtue intact?
Daisies, have you kept your
virtue intact?
]] Yes.
Virtue intact?
]] Yes.
]] Hmm. Good.
]] Yes.
]] Hmm. Good.
When the time is right, your
]] Hmm. Good.
When the time is right, your
blossom will be plucked by
When the time is right, your
blossom will be plucked by
someone who sees your true
Blossom will be plucked by
someone who sees your true
beauty.
Someone who sees your true
beauty.
Until then, I trust I will see
Beauty.
Until then, I trust I will see
you at our next meeting.
Until then, I trust I will see
you at our next meeting.
Hmm.
]] [ Exhales sharply ]
]] Oh, hello.
You're katharine's little
friend, yes?
You're katharine's little
friend, yes?
What was your name again?
Friend, yes?
What was your name again?
]] Leah.
What was your name again?
]] Leah.
]] Ah, yes. Leah.
]] Leah.
]] Ah, yes. Leah.
Why did you not join us for our
]] Ah, yes. Leah.
Why did you not join us for our
meeting?
Why did you not join us for our
meeting?
]] Uh, I don't need a club to
Meeting?
]] Uh, I don't need a club to
teach me how to respect myself.
]] Uh, I don't need a club to
teach me how to respect myself.
]] Aren't you tough as nails.
Teach me how to respect myself.
]] Aren't you tough as nails.
Well, good for you.
]] Aren't you tough as nails.
Well, good for you.
We could all use more headstrong
Well, good for you.
We could all use more headstrong
young women like yourself.
We could all use more headstrong
young women like yourself.
]] [ Scoffs ]
Young women like yourself.
]] [ Scoffs ]
never been much of a joiner, I
]] [ Scoffs ]
never been much of a joiner, I
guess.
Never been much of a joiner, I
guess.
Not really the sorority type, if
Guess.
Not really the sorority type, if
you know what I mean.
Not really the sorority type, if
you know what I mean.
]] Well, sisterhood can be very
You know what I mean.
]] Well, sisterhood can be very
powerful, my dear.
]] Well, sisterhood can be very
powerful, my dear.
Don't knock it till you've tried
Powerful, my dear.
Don't knock it till you've tried
it.
Don't knock it till you've tried
it.
]] [ Scoffs ]
It.
]] [ Scoffs ]
]] don't you like me, leah?
]] [ Scoffs ]
]] don't you like me, leah?
I'm not used to people not
]] Don't you like me, leah?
I'm not used to people not
liking me.
I'm not used to people not
liking me.
]] I don't know you well enough
Liking me.
]] I don't know you well enough
to feel anything one way or the
]] I don't know you well enough
to feel anything one way or the
other.
To feel anything one way or the
other.
]] Are you sure?
Other.
]] Are you sure?
'Cause you look very familiar to
]] Are you sure?
'Cause you look very familiar to
me.
'Cause you look very familiar to
me.
Something about the eyes, but I
Me.
Something about the eyes, but I
can't...
Something about the eyes, but I
can't...
Katharine.
Can't...
Katharine.
I was just telling your dear
Katharine.
I was just telling your dear
friend leah how she really ought
I was just telling your dear
friend leah how she really ought
to join us for our next meeting.
Friend leah how she really ought
to join us for our next meeting.
Perhaps you can change her mind,
To join us for our next meeting.
Perhaps you can change her mind,
hmm?
Perhaps you can change her mind,
hmm?
]] You little sneak!
Hmm?
]] You little sneak!
]] What?!
]] You little sneak!
]] What?!
]] You totally went to that
]] What?!
]] You totally went to that
meeting.
]] You totally went to that
meeting.
]] So? What?!
Meeting.
]] So? What?!
]] You know what.
]] So? What?!
]] You know what.
What happened? Was it stupid?
]] You know what.
What happened? Was it stupid?
Details, please.
What happened? Was it stupid?
Details, please.
]] No, it wasn't stupid.
Details, please.
]] No, it wasn't stupid.
Look, I'm not gonna sit here and
]] No, it wasn't stupid.
Look, I'm not gonna sit here and
tell you if you're just gonna
Look, I'm not gonna sit here and
tell you if you're just gonna
make fun of it.
Tell you if you're just gonna
make fun of it.
Plus anything we say in there is
Make fun of it.
Plus anything we say in there is
supposed to be confidential.
Plus anything we say in there is
supposed to be confidential.
]] [ Scoffs ]
Supposed to be confidential.
]] [ Scoffs ]
confidential from me?
]] [ Scoffs ]
confidential from me?
]] From everyone.
Confidential from me?
]] From everyone.
Leah, come on. I promised.
]] From everyone.
Leah, come on. I promised.
]] Well, what is it?
Leah, come on. I promised.
]] Well, what is it?
Like, a.a. For recovering
]] Well, what is it?
Like, a.a. For recovering
hussies led by a slightly better
Like, a.a. For recovering
hussies led by a slightly better
dressed dr. Laura?
Hussies led by a slightly better
dressed dr. Laura?
]] You know what?
Dressed dr. Laura?
]] You know what?
She's really cool.
]] You know what?
She's really cool.
I mean, you definitely misjudge
She's really cool.
I mean, you definitely misjudge
her based on some weird first
I mean, you definitely misjudge
her based on some weird first
impression.
Her based on some weird first
impression.
I mean, she's very elegant and
Impression.
I mean, she's very elegant and
smart and interesting.
I mean, she's very elegant and
smart and interesting.
]] Hmm.
Smart and interesting.
]] Hmm.
So, is she gonna be your new
]] Hmm.
So, is she gonna be your new
best friend you tell all your
So, is she gonna be your new
best friend you tell all your
secrets to now?
Best friend you tell all your
secrets to now?
]] Leah, come on.
Secrets to now?
]] Leah, come on.
]] Well, if you're so in love
]] Leah, come on.
]] Well, if you're so in love
with her --
]] Well, if you're so in love
with her --
]] I didn't say that!
With her --
]] I didn't say that!
]] Uh...
]] I didn't say that!
]] Uh...
Sorry.
]] Uh...
Sorry.
Didn't mean to act like such a
Sorry.
Didn't mean to act like such a
b*tch.
Didn't mean to act like such a
b*tch.
]] It -- it's okay.
b*tch.
]] It -- it's okay.
I mean, even best friends
]] It -- it's okay.
I mean, even best friends
disagree sometimes, right?
I mean, even best friends
disagree sometimes, right?
]] Right.
Um, I've got to go back to the
journalism room to finish up a
layout, so I'll see you
Journalism room to finish up a
layout, so I'll see you
tomorrow?
Layout, so I'll see you
tomorrow?
]] Okay.
Tomorrow?
]] Okay.
You got it, old buddy, old pal.
]] Good evening.
I bid you welcome to my humble
home.
I bid you welcome to my humble
home.
So, who would like to try some
Home.
So, who would like to try some
of my delicious beauty products?
So, who would like to try some
of my delicious beauty products?
]] Whoa, whoa! Me, me, me!
Of my delicious beauty products?
]] Whoa, whoa! Me, me, me!
]] [ Chuckles ]
]] Whoa, whoa! Me, me, me!
]] [ Chuckles ]
now, I must warn you, this
]] [ Chuckles ]
now, I must warn you, this
treatment I'm about to share
Now, I must warn you, this
treatment I'm about to share
with you is not exactly legal in
Treatment I'm about to share
with you is not exactly legal in
this country.
With you is not exactly legal in
this country.
I could get into trouble for
This country.
I could get into trouble for
procuring it, so I must be able
I could get into trouble for
procuring it, so I must be able
to count on your absolute
Procuring it, so I must be able
to count on your absolute
discretion that you will never
To count on your absolute
discretion that you will never
tell another living soul about
Discretion that you will never
tell another living soul about
this.
Tell another living soul about
this.
]] We swear.
This.
]] We swear.
It stays within this group.
]] We swear.
It stays within this group.
]] Yeah.
It stays within this group.
]] Yeah.
]] Good.
]] Yeah.
]] Good.
Now, take out your mirrors and
]] Good.
Now, take out your mirrors and
prepare to be amazed.
Now, take out your mirrors and
prepare to be amazed.
[ Fingers snap ]
Prepare to be amazed.
[ Fingers snap ]
now, please do not be put off by
[ Fingers snap ]
now, please do not be put off by
the look or smell of it.
Now, please do not be put off by
the look or smell of it.
It can be a little strange at
The look or smell of it.
It can be a little strange at
first.
It can be a little strange at
first.
Just take a little on your
First.
Just take a little on your
finger.
Just take a little on your
finger.
Dab it on your most hated
Finger.
Dab it on your most hated
wrinkle, gently massaging it in.
Dab it on your most hated
wrinkle, gently massaging it in.
]] Ooh, it does smell a little
Wrinkle, gently massaging it in.
]] Ooh, it does smell a little
funky.
]] Ooh, it does smell a little
funky.
]] It looks a little bit like
Funky.
]] It looks a little bit like
blood.
]] It looks a little bit like
blood.
]] Yes.
Blood.
]] Yes.
Rub it into those foul lines and
]] Yes.
Rub it into those foul lines and
watch them disappear.
Rub it into those foul lines and
watch them disappear.
]] Oh. Oh.
Watch them disappear.
]] Oh. Oh.
]] Oh!
]] Oh. Oh.
]] Oh!
]] Oh.
]] Oh!
]] Oh.
]] [ Sighing ]
]] Oh.
]] [ Sighing ]
]] it's working.
]] [ Sighing ]
]] it's working.
Oh, my god.
]] It's working.
Oh, my god.
It's already working!
Oh, my god.
It's already working!
]] I've never seen anything like
It's already working!
]] I've never seen anything like
this before.
]] I've never seen anything like
this before.
This is better than juvéderm.
This before.
This is better than juvéderm.
]] Way better!
This is better than juvéderm.
]] Way better!
]] And the ingredients are all
]] Way better!
]] And the ingredients are all
natural.
]] And the ingredients are all
natural.
]] This is incredible!
Natural.
]] This is incredible!
]] Will this work on my a*s,
]] This is incredible!
]] Will this work on my a*s,
too?
]] Will this work on my a*s,
too?
]] We have to get more of this.
Too?
]] We have to get more of this.
Liz, please, I don't care if
]] We have to get more of this.
Liz, please, I don't care if
it's ill*gal.
Liz, please, I don't care if
it's ill*gal.
How can we help you?
It's ill*gal.
How can we help you?
]] Oh, believe me, my darlings,
How can we help you?
]] Oh, believe me, my darlings,
you already have.
]] Oh, believe me, my darlings,
you already have.
Hmm.
You already have.
Hmm.
[ All gasping ]
Hmm.
[ All gasping ]
[ thunder crashes ]
[ All gasping ]
[ thunder crashes ]
]] hey, kath!
[ Thunder crashes ]
]] hey, kath!
Uh, are you going to v.a.g.
]] Hey, kath!
Uh, are you going to v.a.g.
Today?
Uh, are you going to v.a.g.
Today?
]] Yeah. Why?
Today?
]] Yeah. Why?
]] I just figured I could come
]] Yeah. Why?
]] I just figured I could come
with you.
]] I just figured I could come
with you.
I mean, you're right.
With you.
I mean, you're right.
I don't know anything about it,
I mean, you're right.
I don't know anything about it,
and so I don't have a right to
I don't know anything about it,
and so I don't have a right to
judge it until I see for myself.
And so I don't have a right to
judge it until I see for myself.
]] This must be a scene from
Judge it until I see for myself.
]] This must be a scene from
"invasion of the body
]] This must be a scene from
"invasion of the body
snatchers."
"Invasion of the body
snatchers."
What planet are you from, and
Snatchers."
What planet are you from, and
where are you keeping my friend
What planet are you from, and
where are you keeping my friend
leah?
Where are you keeping my friend
leah?
]] Oh, come on.
Leah?
]] Oh, come on.
I'm just trying to be less
]] Oh, come on.
I'm just trying to be less
"negative and pissy" or
I'm just trying to be less
"negative and pissy" or
whatever.
"Negative and pissy" or
whatever.
]] Mm-hmm. Sure you are.
Whatever.
]] Mm-hmm. Sure you are.
Okay. So, what's the angle?
]] Mm-hmm. Sure you are.
Okay. So, what's the angle?
Another exposé about how this
Okay. So, what's the angle?
Another exposé about how this
club is a direct result of the
Another exposé about how this
club is a direct result of the
bush doctrine that still
Club is a direct result of the
bush doctrine that still
continues to haunt us or a
Bush doctrine that still
continues to haunt us or a
manifesto about how women with a
Continues to haunt us or a
manifesto about how women with a
"y" are still enslaved by a
Manifesto about how women with a
"y" are still enslaved by a
madonna wh*re complex?
"Y" are still enslaved by a
madonna wh*re complex?
]] Wow, I couldn't have put it
Madonna wh*re complex?
]] Wow, I couldn't have put it
better myself.
]] Wow, I couldn't have put it
better myself.
]] Mm-hmm.
Better myself.
]] Mm-hmm.
]] Oh, katharine, please just
]] Mm-hmm.
]] Oh, katharine, please just
let me come with you.
]] Oh, katharine, please just
let me come with you.
Honestly, I really just want to
Let me come with you.
Honestly, I really just want to
see it for myself before I pass
Honestly, I really just want to
see it for myself before I pass
judgment -- for once.
See it for myself before I pass
judgment -- for once.
]] [ Sighs ] okay.
Judgment -- for once.
]] [ Sighs ] okay.
But you have to promise not to
]] [ Sighs ] okay.
But you have to promise not to
cause any trouble.
But you have to promise not to
cause any trouble.
And please don't be a smartass
Cause any trouble.
And please don't be a smartass
if you hate it.
And please don't be a smartass
if you hate it.
]] Promise I'll be good.
If you hate it.
]] Promise I'll be good.
]] Okay.
]] Promise I'll be good.
]] Okay.
Oh, no.
]] Okay.
Oh, no.
]] sh*t.
Oh, no.
]] sh*t.
]] Guess you're just gonna have
]] sh*t.
]] Guess you're just gonna have
to check out the club another
]] Guess you're just gonna have
to check out the club another
time.
To check out the club another
time.
But, hey, listen, um, I have to
Time.
But, hey, listen, um, I have to
go, so I'll just -- I'll just
But, hey, listen, um, I have to
go, so I'll just -- I'll just
see you tomorrow.
Go, so I'll just -- I'll just
see you tomorrow.
]] Katharine, wh--
See you tomorrow.
]] Katharine, wh--
where are you going?
[ Thunder rumbles ]
]] wow.
[ Breathes deeply ]
]] What you looking for, girlie?
]] [ Screams ]
]] [ european accent ] don't you
]] [ Screams ]
]] [ european accent ] don't you
have anything better to do than
]] [ European accent ] don't you
have anything better to do than
scaring people?
Have anything better to do than
scaring people?
Get back to work!
Scaring people?
Get back to work!
I'm sorry he frightened you.
Get back to work!
I'm sorry he frightened you.
Oh, did you bring this lovely
I'm sorry he frightened you.
Oh, did you bring this lovely
basket for the -- liz?
Oh, did you bring this lovely
basket for the -- liz?
]] Oh, I heard she was sick.
Basket for the -- liz?
]] Oh, I heard she was sick.
But i-i don't want to be any
]] Oh, I heard she was sick.
But i-i don't want to be any
bother.
But i-i don't want to be any
bother.
]] Oh, no. No trouble at all.
Bother.
]] Oh, no. No trouble at all.
Your name is katharine, yes?
]] Oh, no. No trouble at all.
Your name is katharine, yes?
]] [ Stammers ]
Your name is katharine, yes?
]] [ Stammers ]
how did you know that?
]] [ Stammers ]
how did you know that?
]] She mentioned you.
How did you know that?
]] She mentioned you.
She said we might expect you.
]] She mentioned you.
She said we might expect you.
Come in.
I'll go put these in some water.
Wait here.
[ Door closes ]
]] Katharine, queen of the
daisies.
What a nice surprise.
Daisies.
What a nice surprise.
My niece told me you were here.
What a nice surprise.
My niece told me you were here.
Thank you for the lovely gift
My niece told me you were here.
Thank you for the lovely gift
basket.
Thank you for the lovely gift
basket.
It was very thoughtful of you.
Basket.
It was very thoughtful of you.
I noticed you admiring my
It was very thoughtful of you.
I noticed you admiring my
portrait.
I noticed you admiring my
portrait.
It's quite a good likeness,
Portrait.
It's quite a good likeness,
isn't it?
It's quite a good likeness,
isn't it?
It was painted in italy many
Isn't it?
It was painted in italy many
years ago.
It was painted in italy many
years ago.
]] [ Chuckles ]
Years ago.
]] [ Chuckles ]
it can't be so long ago.
]] [ Chuckles ]
it can't be so long ago.
You're -- you're just as
It can't be so long ago.
You're -- you're just as
beautiful now.
You're -- you're just as
beautiful now.
]] You're too kind, my child.
Beautiful now.
]] You're too kind, my child.
Why do you do this face
]] You're too kind, my child.
Why do you do this face
painting, my dear?
Why do you do this face
painting, my dear?
Is it to hide the acne you
Painting, my dear?
Is it to hide the acne you
suffer from?
Is it to hide the acne you
suffer from?
Oh, my sweet girl.
Suffer from?
Oh, my sweet girl.
There's nothing to be ashamed
Oh, my sweet girl.
There's nothing to be ashamed
of.
There's nothing to be ashamed
of.
It's very natural at your age,
Of.
It's very natural at your age,
when a girl transitions to
It's very natural at your age,
when a girl transitions to
womanhood.
When a girl transitions to
womanhood.
Why don't you let me give you a
Womanhood.
Why don't you let me give you a
little makeover, yes?
Why don't you let me give you a
little makeover, yes?
I've just the thing to clear
Little makeover, yes?
I've just the thing to clear
that up.
I've just the thing to clear
that up.
]] Really?
That up.
]] Really?
]] Mm-hmm.
]] Really?
]] Mm-hmm.
But you have to promise me it
]] Mm-hmm.
But you have to promise me it
will be just between us.
But you have to promise me it
will be just between us.
I can't have every girl at your
Will be just between us.
I can't have every girl at your
school running over here for a
I can't have every girl at your
school running over here for a
facial, now, can i?
School running over here for a
facial, now, can i?
]] I-i won't tell anyone.
Facial, now, can i?
]] I-i won't tell anyone.
I promise.
]] I-i won't tell anyone.
I promise.
]] Not even your best friend?
I promise.
]] Not even your best friend?
What's her name?
]] Not even your best friend?
What's her name?
]] Leah?
What's her name?
]] Leah?
]] Yes. Not even leah.
]] Leah?
]] Yes. Not even leah.
]] Oh, but we can trust her.
]] Yes. Not even leah.
]] Oh, but we can trust her.
]] It is so important to me that
]] Oh, but we can trust her.
]] It is so important to me that
this be our little secret.
]] It is so important to me that
this be our little secret.
]] I-i-i-i promise.
This be our little secret.
]] I-i-i-i promise.
]] Good.
]] I-i-i-i promise.
]] Good.
Then hold still.
There, there. All better.
See?
]] [ Gasps ]
See?
]] [ Gasps ]
[ gasps ]
]] Thank you for coming to check
on me today.
Please don't be a stranger.
On me today.
Please don't be a stranger.
You're welcome here anytime.
Please don't be a stranger.
You're welcome here anytime.
Ilona will see you out.
]] baffled police are searchig
for leads tonight in three
missing-person cases.
for leads tonight in three
missing-person cases.
just days after the
missing-person cases.
just days after the
disappearance of our lady of
just days after the
disappearance of our lady of
the weeping virgin student
disappearance of our lady of
the weeping virgin student
nicole bento from a local
the weeping virgin student
nicole bento from a local
lovers' lane spot, 19-year-old
nicole bento from a local
lovers' lane spot, 19-year-old
castidad hernandez was reported
lovers' lane spot, 19-year-old
castidad hernandez was reported
missing yesterday by her
castidad hernandez was reported
missing yesterday by her
employer after she did not show
missing yesterday by her
employer after she did not show
up to clean the woman's house.
employer after she did not show
up to clean the woman's house.
and finally, longtime
up to clean the woman's house.
and finally, longtime
san griento high school
and finally, longtime
san griento high school
principal prudence loveheart is
san griento high school
principal prudence loveheart is
also missing at this hour.
principal prudence loveheart is
also missing at this hour.
]] what?!
also missing at this hour.
]] what?!
]] city officials say that
]] what?!
]] city officials say that
miss loveheart's disappearance
]] city officials say that
miss loveheart's disappearance
may be the result of a citation
miss loveheart's disappearance
may be the result of a citation
she received last month from
may be the result of a citation
she received last month from
the health department after
she received last month from
the health department after
neighbors complained that there
the health department after
neighbors complained that there
were at least 30 cats living in
neighbors complained that there
were at least 30 cats living in
her home.
were at least 30 cats living in
her home.
authorities are investigating
her home.
authorities are investigating
but do not believe that the
authorities are investigating
but do not believe that the
three missing-person cases are
but do not believe that the
three missing-person cases are
related.
three missing-person cases are
related.
and now let's turn to
related.
and now let's turn to
jimmy nimbus in our weather
and now let's turn to
jimmy nimbus in our weather
center to see if jimmy has any
jimmy nimbus in our weather
center to see if jimmy has any
sunshine lined up for us this
center to see if jimmy has any
sunshine lined up for us this
weekend.
sunshine lined up for us this
weekend.
]] thank you, cheryl.
weekend.
]] thank you, cheryl.
well, it has been unusually
]] thank you, cheryl.
well, it has been unusually
chilly for this time of year.
well, it has been unusually
chilly for this time of year.
is it gonna warm back up?
chilly for this time of year.
is it gonna warm back up?
sit tight in your igloo, and
is it gonna warm back up?
sit tight in your igloo, and
we'll find out --
sit tight in your igloo, and
we'll find out --
]] maybe I should just get a job
we'll find out --
]] maybe I should just get a job
as a g*dd*mn weather girl.
]] maybe I should just get a job
as a g*dd*mn weather girl.
[ sighs ]
as a g*dd*mn weather girl.
[ sighs ]
[ keys clacking ]
you again?
[ keys clacking ]
no sh*t.
[ keys clacking ]
"elizabeth, a.k.a. Erzsébet,
báthory, born 1560 into one of
"elizabeth, a.k.a. Erzsébet,
báthory, born 1560 into one of
hungary's most powerful nobel
báthory, born 1560 into one of
hungary's most powerful nobel
families.
hungary's most powerful nobel
families.
she is believed to be one of the
families.
she is believed to be one of the
worst serial K*llers in
she is believed to be one of the
worst serial K*llers in
history."
worst serial K*llers in
history."
[ keys clacking ]
[ thunder rumbles ]
"if historical accounts are
accurate, she m*rder*d more than
"if historical accounts are
accurate, she m*rder*d more than
600 young women, believing that
accurate, she m*rder*d more than
600 young women, believing that
if she bathed in the blood of
600 young women, believing that
if she bathed in the blood of
virgins, she would stay young
if she bathed in the blood of
virgins, she would stay young
and beautiful forever."
[ girls screaming ]
]] [ choking ]
[ girls screaming ]
[ girls screaming ]
]] [ shrieking ]
]] [ gasps ]
jesus.
]] [ gasps ]
jesus.
[ breathing heavily ]
jesus.
[ breathing heavily ]
"she adhered to strict rules of
[ breathing heavily ]
"she adhered to strict rules of
witchcraft and demanded a
"she adhered to strict rules of
witchcraft and demanded a
ceremonial sacrifice of five
witchcraft and demanded a
ceremonial sacrifice of five
virgins at each equinox --
ceremonial sacrifice of five
virgins at each equinox --
alban eiler on or around
virgins at each equinox --
alban eiler on or around
march 21st and alban elved on or
alban eiler on or around
march 21st and alban elved on or
around september 21st.
march 21st and alban elved on or
around september 21st.
september 21st?
sh*t.
katharine.
[ thunder rumbles ]
[ thunder crashes ]
]] leah, what's going on?
it's almost 1:00 in the morning.
]] I have to talk to you.
it's almost 1:00 in the morning.
]] I have to talk to you.
]] [ sighs ]
]] I have to talk to you.
]] [ sighs ]
can it wait?
]] [ sighs ]
can it wait?
leah, if my grandparents wake
can it wait?
leah, if my grandparents wake
up, we're both in big trouble.
leah, if my grandparents wake
up, we're both in big trouble.
you know they already think
up, we're both in big trouble.
you know they already think
you're kind of weird.
you know they already think
you're kind of weird.
]] believe me.
you're kind of weird.
]] believe me.
it's life or death.
]] believe me.
it's life or death.
]] [ sighs ] all right.
it's life or death.
]] [ sighs ] all right.
[ thunder crashes ]
]] wow. Your skin looks great.
what did you do?
]] oh, uh, it's just a thing,
what did you do?
]] oh, uh, it's just a thing,
you know, from that -- that one
]] oh, uh, it's just a thing,
you know, from that -- that one
infomercial.
you know, from that -- that one
infomercial.
i'll tell you about it later.
infomercial.
i'll tell you about it later.
so, what's so important?
i'll tell you about it later.
so, what's so important?
]] here. Check it out.
so, what's so important?
]] here. Check it out.
]] what is this?
]] here. Check it out.
]] what is this?
]] just read it.
]] what is this?
]] just read it.
i did some researching tonight
]] just read it.
i did some researching tonight
on that creepy woman you think
i did some researching tonight
on that creepy woman you think
is so cool.
on that creepy woman you think
is so cool.
]] you did what?!
is so cool.
]] you did what?!
]] shh, shh, shh!
]] you did what?!
]] shh, shh, shh!
]] leah, why would you do that?
]] shh, shh, shh!
]] leah, why would you do that?
]] just read it first,
]] leah, why would you do that?
]] just read it first,
katharine.
]] just read it first,
katharine.
i promise it'll explain
katharine.
i promise it'll explain
everything.
]] I don't understand any of
this, about some real-life
vampire woman in the 1600s?
this, about some real-life
vampire woman in the 1600s?
]] yeah, I know, but look, their
vampire woman in the 1600s?
]] yeah, I know, but look, their
names are practically the same.
]] yeah, I know, but look, their
names are practically the same.
]] [ scoffs ]
names are practically the same.
]] [ scoffs ]
"practically" being the key word
]] [ scoffs ]
"practically" being the key word
here.
"practically" being the key word
here.
so what?
here.
so what?
]] so, don't you think it's a
so what?
]] so, don't you think it's a
weird coincidence that this
]] so, don't you think it's a
weird coincidence that this
countess used to slaughter
weird coincidence that this
countess used to slaughter
teenage virgins and now there's
countess used to slaughter
teenage virgins and now there's
a woman with practically the
teenage virgins and now there's
a woman with practically the
same name teaching abstinence to
a woman with practically the
same name teaching abstinence to
girls here?
same name teaching abstinence to
girls here?
i mean, even if they're not the
girls here?
i mean, even if they're not the
same person -- just, like, a
i mean, even if they're not the
same person -- just, like, a
distant ancestor or a copycat or
same person -- just, like, a
distant ancestor or a copycat or
something --
distant ancestor or a copycat or
something --
]] what are you implying, leah?
something --
]] what are you implying, leah?
it's late, so please just get to
]] what are you implying, leah?
it's late, so please just get to
the point.
it's late, so please just get to
the point.
]] I'm just saying, what if liz
the point.
]] I'm just saying, what if liz
or whoever she is is cultivating
]] I'm just saying, what if liz
or whoever she is is cultivating
her own crop of virgins here in
or whoever she is is cultivating
her own crop of virgins here in
san griento for some kind of
her own crop of virgins here in
san griento for some kind of
similar satanic sacrifice?
san griento for some kind of
similar satanic sacrifice?
]] [ laughs ]
similar satanic sacrifice?
]] [ laughs ]
you akidding me, right?
]] [ laughs ]
you akidding me, right?
I mean, you've -- you've had
you akidding me, right?
I mean, you've -- you've had
some paranoid conspiracy
I mean, you've -- you've had
some paranoid conspiracy
theories before, but this --
Some paranoid conspiracy
theories before, but this --
this is really a stretch.
Theories before, but this --
this is really a stretch.
]] No, kath.
This is really a stretch.
]] No, kath.
I'm not kidding.
]] No, kath.
I'm not kidding.
I'm really worried.
I'm not kidding.
I'm really worried.
Ever since the first day she
I'm really worried.
Ever since the first day she
came to school, I felt like
Ever since the first day she
came to school, I felt like
something was off.
Came to school, I felt like
something was off.
And until I can prove this one
Something was off.
And until I can prove this one
way or another...
And until I can prove this one
way or another...
I want you to stay far away from
Way or another...
I want you to stay far away from
her.
I want you to stay far away from
her.
]] You know what i think, leah?
Her.
]] You know what i think, leah?
I think it's pathetic how you
]] You know what i think, leah?
I think it's pathetic how you
feel like you have to control me
I think it's pathetic how you
feel like you have to control me
and to sit in judgment of
Feel like you have to control me
and to sit in judgment of
everyone else.
And to sit in judgment of
everyone else.
[ Scoffs ]
Everyone else.
[ Scoffs ]
no wonder no one likes you.
[ Scoffs ]
no wonder no one likes you.
You know, I've tried to stick by
No wonder no one likes you.
You know, I've tried to stick by
you all these years, but -- but
You know, I've tried to stick by
you all these years, but -- but
now I see that I've been wasting
You all these years, but -- but
now I see that I've been wasting
my time.
Now I see that I've been wasting
my time.
]] Kath, what the hell.
My time.
]] Kath, what the hell.
Tell me there's a "ba-dum ching"
]] Kath, what the hell.
Tell me there's a "ba-dum ching"
coming.
Tell me there's a "ba-dum ching"
coming.
]] Good luck with your
Coming.
]] Good luck with your
front-page story.
]] Good luck with your
front-page story.
It sounds like you've got it all
Front-page story.
It sounds like you've got it all
figured out.
It sounds like you've got it all
figured out.
Hope they let you out of the
Figured out.
Hope they let you out of the
loony bin to collect your
Hope they let you out of the
loony bin to collect your
pulitzer.
]] ♪ I don't need a girl
]] bye, chicas!
]] Put the drink down.
]] Bye, chicas!
]] Put the drink down.
]] Seriously, you guys are just
]] Put the drink down.
]] Seriously, you guys are just
like khloe and lamar.
]] Seriously, you guys are just
like khloe and lamar.
]] Why the f*ck am I khloe?
Like khloe and lamar.
]] Why the f*ck am I khloe?
]] [ Sighs ]
]] Why the f*ck am I khloe?
]] [ Sighs ]
]] kelly.
]] [ Sighs ]
]] kelly.
]] What?
]] Kelly.
]] What?
]] Don't f*ck up.
]] What?
]] Don't f*ck up.
]] I won't.
]] Don't f*ck up.
]] I won't.
He's just gonna help me clean up
]] I won't.
He's just gonna help me clean up
and then he's outie.
He's just gonna help me clean up
and then he's outie.
]] Kelly, for reals.
And then he's outie.
]] Kelly, for reals.
V.a.g. -- Stay sucker free.
]] Kelly, for reals.
V.a.g. -- Stay sucker free.
]] Totes.
V.a.g. -- Stay sucker free.
]] Totes.
Have a little trust, b*tches.
]] Totes.
Have a little trust, b*tches.
]] ♪ I want to lay you on your
Have a little trust, b*tches.
]] ♪ I want to lay you on your
back with your legs spread ♪
]] ♪ I want to lay you on your
back with your legs spread ♪
♪ want to get you soaking wet
Back with your legs spread ♪
♪ want to get you soaking wet
♪ soak the bedspread
♪ Want to get you soaking wet
♪ soak the bedspread
♪ doesn't matter where you are
♪ Soak the bedspread
♪ doesn't matter where you are
♪ I can act sweet
♪ Doesn't matter where you are
♪ I can act sweet
♪ but when nobody's around, do
♪ I can act sweet
♪ but when nobody's around, do
the backseat ♪
♪ But when nobody's around, do
the backseat ♪
]] oh, yeah, baby girl.
The backseat ♪
]] oh, yeah, baby girl.
You know I love you so much.
]] Oh, yeah, baby girl.
You know I love you so much.
]] I know, travis.
You know I love you so much.
]] I know, travis.
I love you, too.
]] I know, travis.
I love you, too.
]] Boo, I want to get with you
I love you, too.
]] Boo, I want to get with you
so bad, it hurts.
]] Boo, I want to get with you
so bad, it hurts.
]] I know, baby. Here.
So bad, it hurts.
]] I know, baby. Here.
[ Zipper opens ]
]] I know, baby. Here.
[ Zipper opens ]
]] no.
[ Zipper opens ]
]] no.
No.
]] No.
No.
You know how I want to love you,
No.
You know how I want to love you,
girl.
You know how I want to love you,
girl.
The right way.
Girl.
The right way.
]] I know, but I can't.
The right way.
]] I know, but I can't.
]] Baby, I'm s-t-ruggling here.
]] I know, but I can't.
]] Baby, I'm s-t-ruggling here.
Come on.
]] Baby, I'm s-t-ruggling here.
Come on.
]] Ashley will k*ll me.
Come on.
]] Ashley will k*ll me.
]] Come on.
]] Ashley will k*ll me.
]] Come on.
How's she gonna know?
]] Come on.
How's she gonna know?
You gonna keep it on the d.l.
How's she gonna know?
You gonna keep it on the d.l.
]] What if they, like, look down
You gonna keep it on the d.l.
]] What if they, like, look down
there and check to see if, like,
]] What if they, like, look down
there and check to see if, like,
I'm really still there?
There and check to see if, like,
I'm really still there?
]] That's abso-ludicrous.
I'm really still there?
]] That's abso-ludicrous.
This is san griento, baby, not
]] That's abso-ludicrous.
This is san griento, baby, not
san guantanamo.
This is san griento, baby, not
san guantanamo.
You're doing permanent damage to
San guantanamo.
You're doing permanent damage to
me here.
You're doing permanent damage to
me here.
]] I don't know.
Me here.
]] I don't know.
They said in v.a.g. That's not
]] I don't know.
They said in v.a.g. That's not
really possible, but...
They said in v.a.g. That's not
really possible, but...
Oh!
Really possible, but...
Oh!
Oh, god.
Oh!
Oh, god.
Oh, god.
Oh, god.
Oh, god.
Oh, god.
Oh, god.
Oh, god.
Oh, god!
Oh, god.
Oh, god!
[ Thunder rumbles ]
]] ♪ I don't want to see you
]] hello, leah.
I see you're reading a
]] Hello, leah.
I see you're reading a
fascinating story about one of
I see you're reading a
fascinating story about one of
my countrywomen.
Fascinating story about one of
my countrywomen.
It's a terrifying tale, isn't
My countrywomen.
It's a terrifying tale, isn't
it?
It's a terrifying tale, isn't
it?
]] Yeah, you could say that.
It?
]] Yeah, you could say that.
It's a funny coincidence, the
]] Yeah, you could say that.
It's a funny coincidence, the
two of you both being in the
It's a funny coincidence, the
two of you both being in the
virgin business.
Two of you both being in the
virgin business.
]] Oh, yes.
Virgin business.
]] Oh, yes.
Well, after so much pain was
]] Oh, yes.
Well, after so much pain was
caused in my homeland, v.a.g.
Well, after so much pain was
caused in my homeland, v.a.g.
Was just my way of giving back
Caused in my homeland, v.a.g.
Was just my way of giving back
to the community.
Was just my way of giving back
to the community.
]] Oh, what a lovely thought,
To the community.
]] Oh, what a lovely thought,
especially with the high holiday
]] Oh, what a lovely thought,
especially with the high holiday
of alban elved nearly upon us.
Especially with the high holiday
of alban elved nearly upon us.
]] You really should be careful,
Of alban elved nearly upon us.
]] You really should be careful,
my dear.
]] You really should be careful,
my dear.
A girl who never wants to join
My dear.
A girl who never wants to join
in with the group can find
A girl who never wants to join
in with the group can find
herself on the outside of things
In with the group can find
herself on the outside of things
very quickly.
Herself on the outside of things
very quickly.
]] Thanks for the advice.
Very quickly.
]] Thanks for the advice.
I'm not particularly concerned
]] Thanks for the advice.
I'm not particularly concerned
about that.
I'm not particularly concerned
about that.
You may have all the stupid
About that.
You may have all the stupid
birthers in this town fooled,
You may have all the stupid
birthers in this town fooled,
but not me.
Birthers in this town fooled,
but not me.
]] Really?
But not me.
]] Really?
And how is your plan to expose
]] Really?
And how is your plan to expose
me working out for you so far?
]] Kath.
Uh...
Katharine, can I -- can I talk
Uh...
Katharine, can I -- can I talk
to you for a second?
Katharine, can I -- can I talk
to you for a second?
]] I'm a little busy right now.
To you for a second?
]] I'm a little busy right now.
]] I'm really sorry if I upset
]] I'm a little busy right now.
]] I'm really sorry if I upset
you.
]] I'm really sorry if I upset
you.
Why don't you just come over to
You.
Why don't you just come over to
my house tonight?
Why don't you just come over to
my house tonight?
We'll have an old-school slumber
My house tonight?
We'll have an old-school slumber
party, you know, watch colbert,
We'll have an old-school slumber
party, you know, watch colbert,
make brownies?
Party, you know, watch colbert,
make brownies?
]] I'm sorry, but I have plans
Make brownies?
]] I'm sorry, but I have plans
tonight.
]] I'm sorry, but I have plans
tonight.
]] Katharine, please, I really
Tonight.
]] Katharine, please, I really
need to talk to you.
]] Katharine, please, I really
need to talk to you.
]] Look, I don't really think
Need to talk to you.
]] Look, I don't really think
there's anything to talk about.
]] Look, I don't really think
there's anything to talk about.
I just feel like we're changing
There's anything to talk about.
I just feel like we're changing
and we're growing apart and,
I just feel like we're changing
and we're growing apart and,
well, right now I need to be
And we're growing apart and,
well, right now I need to be
around energy that's more
Well, right now I need to be
around energy that's more
positive and uplifting, like
Around energy that's more
positive and uplifting, like
v.a.g., And less negative and
Positive and uplifting, like
v.a.g., And less negative and
pissy like you.
V.a.g., And less negative and
pissy like you.
I'm sorry, but that's just how I
Pissy like you.
I'm sorry, but that's just how I
feel.
I'm sorry, but that's just how I
feel.
And I would really appreciate if
Feel.
And I would really appreciate if
you would respect my need for
And I would really appreciate if
you would respect my need for
space right now.
You would respect my need for
space right now.
]] You can't go with them
Space right now.
]] You can't go with them
tonight.
]] You can't go with them
tonight.
]] She said she doesn't want to
Tonight.
]] She said she doesn't want to
talk to you, you heathen wh*re!
]] She said she doesn't want to
talk to you, you heathen wh*re!
]] What?!
Talk to you, you heathen wh*re!
]] What?!
I'm not a wh*re, you bimbo!
]] What?!
I'm not a wh*re, you bimbo!
]] Oh, no?
I'm not a wh*re, you bimbo!
]] Oh, no?
Then why haven't you been coming
]] Oh, no?
Then why haven't you been coming
to v.a.g. To learn to respect
Then why haven't you been coming
to v.a.g. To learn to respect
your body as a temple of purity?
To v.a.g. To learn to respect
your body as a temple of purity?
We can only assume that any girl
Your body as a temple of purity?
We can only assume that any girl
at this school who did not sign
We can only assume that any girl
at this school who did not sign
the v.a.g. Pledge is a wh*re.
At this school who did not sign
the v.a.g. Pledge is a wh*re.
It's not the kind of person the
The v.a.g. Pledge is a wh*re.
It's not the kind of person the
rest of us want to be
It's not the kind of person the
rest of us want to be
associated with.
Rest of us want to be
associated with.
]] All right, listen to me!
Associated with.
]] All right, listen to me!
Liz batho is not who she says
]] All right, listen to me!
Liz batho is not who she says
she is, and everyone in v.a.g.
Liz batho is not who she says
she is, and everyone in v.a.g.
Is in a lot of danger!
She is, and everyone in v.a.g.
Is in a lot of danger!
[ Laughter ]
Is in a lot of danger!
[ Laughter ]
]] wow.
[ Laughter ]
]] wow.
]] Wow.
]] Wow.
]] Wow.
]] Katharine was right.
]] Wow.
]] Katharine was right.
Anything for your stupid blog.
]] Katharine was right.
Anything for your stupid blog.
I'm sure your five readers would
Anything for your stupid blog.
I'm sure your five readers would
love to get the full scoop, but
I'm sure your five readers would
love to get the full scoop, but
some of us have an actual life
Love to get the full scoop, but
some of us have an actual life
to lead.
Some of us have an actual life
to lead.
]] Mm-hmm.
To lead.
]] Mm-hmm.
Stop the snitchin'.
]] Mm-hmm.
Stop the snitchin'.
[ School bell rings ]
]] That was really messed up.
]] Yeah.
[ Scoffs ]
]] Yeah.
[ Scoffs ]
]] I don't know what's going on
[ Scoffs ]
]] I don't know what's going on
around here, but it's pretty
]] I don't know what's going on
around here, but it's pretty
creepy, more so than usual.
Around here, but it's pretty
creepy, more so than usual.
It's like some sort of
Creepy, more so than usual.
It's like some sort of
super-b*tch imperialist coup.
It's like some sort of
super-b*tch imperialist coup.
]] [ Chuckles ]
Super-b*tch imperialist coup.
]] [ Chuckles ]
]] what they said about you...
]] [ Chuckles ]
]] what they said about you...
You know that's bullshit, right?
]] What they said about you...
You know that's bullshit, right?
I think you're pretty much the
You know that's bullshit, right?
I think you're pretty much the
coolest person in this school,
I think you're pretty much the
coolest person in this school,
in this whole crappy, little
Coolest person in this school,
in this whole crappy, little
town, and the only one with the
In this whole crappy, little
town, and the only one with the
ba*ls to stand up to people
Town, and the only one with the
ba*ls to stand up to people
here.
ba*ls to stand up to people
here.
I, um...
Here.
I, um...
I just want you to know that.
I, um...
I just want you to know that.
]] [ Chuckles ]
I just want you to know that.
]] [ Chuckles ]
a fat lot of good it's done me.
Thank you, paul.
I really appreciate that.
And, uh, you know, you're not so
I really appreciate that.
And, uh, you know, you're not so
bad yourself, comrade.
And, uh, you know, you're not so
bad yourself, comrade.
Viva la revolución.
Bad yourself, comrade.
Viva la revolución.
]] Occupy san griento!
Viva la revolución.
]] Occupy san griento!
]] ♪ We want to live under the
]] Occupy san griento!
]] ♪ We want to live under the
bright lights and tear it up ♪
]] ♪ We want to live under the
bright lights and tear it up ♪
♪ we could lose it a like a
Bright lights and tear it up ♪
♪ we could lose it a like a
limb ♪
♪ We could lose it a like a
limb ♪
♪ could you give it up?
Limb ♪
♪ could you give it up?
♪ And all our hands are
♪ Could you give it up?
♪ And all our hands are
muskets ♪
♪ And all our hands are
muskets ♪
]] pick you up tonight for liz's
Muskets ♪
]] pick you up tonight for liz's
purity jam?
]] Pick you up tonight for liz's
purity jam?
]] Hell to the yeah.
Purity jam?
]] Hell to the yeah.
That gonna be cray, yo.
]] Hell to the yeah.
That gonna be cray, yo.
]] Right?
That gonna be cray, yo.
]] Right?
]] ♪ We're summertime in the
]] Right?
]] ♪ We're summertime in the
fall ♪
]] And so, katharine and the
hilt-- the other girls are
basically being lined up for a
Hilt-- the other girls are
basically being lined up for a
death panel if we don't do
Basically being lined up for a
death panel if we don't do
something.
Death panel if we don't do
something.
]] This is journalism.
Something.
]] This is journalism.
Creative writing is
]] This is journalism.
Creative writing is
mrs. Bradshaw down the hall.
Creative writing is
mrs. Bradshaw down the hall.
]] Mr. Rowland, please, this is
Mrs. Bradshaw down the hall.
]] Mr. Rowland, please, this is
very serious.
]] Mr. Rowland, please, this is
very serious.
]] Leah, you've caused enough
Very serious.
]] Leah, you've caused enough
trouble for this paper to last
]] Leah, you've caused enough
trouble for this paper to last
me a lifetime.
Trouble for this paper to last
me a lifetime.
]] But I --
Me a lifetime.
]] But I --
]] now, what I want you to do is
]] But I --
]] now, what I want you to do is
to get out of here and write
]] Now, what I want you to do is
to get out of here and write
something that I can actually
To get out of here and write
something that I can actually
print.
Something that I can actually
print.
]] This is something!
Print.
]] This is something!
]] Now get out of here, or I'm
]] This is something!
]] Now get out of here, or I'm
gonna cut you from the staff.
]] Now get out of here, or I'm
gonna cut you from the staff.
]] Mr. Rowland --
Gonna cut you from the staff.
]] Mr. Rowland --
]] out!
]] Mr. Rowland --
]] out!
]] I think that's suspicious
]] Out!
]] I think that's suspicious
enough to warrant an
]] I think that's suspicious
enough to warrant an
investigation.
Enough to warrant an
investigation.
I mean, don't you?
Investigation.
I mean, don't you?
]] Benny, I think this one's a
I mean, don't you?
]] Benny, I think this one's a
little, uh...
]] Benny, I think this one's a
little, uh...
You know what I'm saying?
Little, uh...
You know what I'm saying?
]] Nah, louie.
You know what I'm saying?
]] Nah, louie.
She ain't crazy.
]] Nah, louie.
She ain't crazy.
This is the gal that wrote that
She ain't crazy.
This is the gal that wrote that
cute, little piece for the
This is the gal that wrote that
cute, little piece for the
high-school paper last year that
Cute, little piece for the
high-school paper last year that
called us racists.
High-school paper last year that
called us racists.
]] Oh, yeah!
Called us racists.
]] Oh, yeah!
"D.w.l."
]] Oh, yeah!
"D.w.l."
Driving while latino.
"D.w.l."
Driving while latino.
]] What?
Driving while latino.
]] What?
Are you here to make us look
]] What?
Are you here to make us look
like a couple of doofuses again?
Are you here to make us look
like a couple of doofuses again?
Well, it ain't gonna happen.
Like a couple of doofuses again?
Well, it ain't gonna happen.
]] Sir, I did my best to make
Well, it ain't gonna happen.
]] Sir, I did my best to make
that piece fair and balanced.
]] Sir, I did my best to make
that piece fair and balanced.
]] Sorry, missy.
That piece fair and balanced.
]] Sorry, missy.
We ain't falling for it this
]] Sorry, missy.
We ain't falling for it this
time.
We ain't falling for it this
time.
]] Benny, louie, please, this is
Time.
]] Benny, louie, please, this is
an opportunity to assist your
]] Benny, louie, please, this is
an opportunity to assist your
fellow citizen!
An opportunity to assist your
fellow citizen!
Wait -- come on!
Fellow citizen!
Wait -- come on!
You're letting the t*rrorists
Wait -- come on!
You're letting the t*rrorists
win!
You're letting the t*rrorists
win!
]] Hello?
Win!
]] Hello?
]] Hi, mom?
]] Hello?
]] Hi, mom?
[ Sighs ]
]] Hi, mom?
[ Sighs ]
didn't you get my messages?
[ Sighs ]
didn't you get my messages?
Why didn't you call me back?
Didn't you get my messages?
Why didn't you call me back?
]] Honey, I'm at work.
Why didn't you call me back?
]] Honey, I'm at work.
I'm holding down two jobs,
]] Honey, I'm at work.
I'm holding down two jobs,
remember, to make sure you get
I'm holding down two jobs,
remember, to make sure you get
to go to college next year while
Remember, to make sure you get
to go to college next year while
you run around causing nothing
To go to college next year while
you run around causing nothing
but problems for us in this
You run around causing nothing
but problems for us in this
town?
But problems for us in this
town?
]] Mom, I'm sorry, but this
Town?
]] Mom, I'm sorry, but this
situation is very real and it's
]] Mom, I'm sorry, but this
situation is very real and it's
very bad, and I need your help.
Situation is very real and it's
very bad, and I need your help.
]] Leah, I have to get back on
Very bad, and I need your help.
]] Leah, I have to get back on
the floor.
]] Leah, I have to get back on
the floor.
We'll talk about this when I get
The floor.
We'll talk about this when I get
home.
We'll talk about this when I get
home.
]] Mom, no, wait --
Home.
]] Mom, no, wait --
sh*t!
]] Mom, no, wait --
sh*t!
Oh! What now?
sh*t!
Oh! What now?
Heads up, comrade.
Oh! What now?
Heads up, comrade.
[ Dialing ]
Heads up, comrade.
[ Dialing ]
]] ♪ you start a panic ♪
[ Dialing ]
]] ♪ you start a panic ♪
[ cellphone rings ]
]] ♪ you start a panic ♪
[ cellphone rings ]
♪ the machines, they keep us in
[ Cellphone rings ]
♪ the machines, they keep us in
time ♪
♪ the machines, they keep us in
time ♪
♪ and don't forget ♪
time ♪
♪ and don't forget ♪
]] hello?
♪ and don't forget ♪
]] hello?
]] Hi, paul?
]] Hello?
]] Hi, paul?
]] That's my name.
]] Hi, paul?
]] That's my name.
Don't wear it out.
]] That's my name.
Don't wear it out.
]] Hey, uh, this is leah.
Don't wear it out.
]] Hey, uh, this is leah.
You know, locker above yours,
]] Hey, uh, this is leah.
You know, locker above yours,
simone de beauvoir, heathen
You know, locker above yours,
simone de beauvoir, heathen
wh*re.
Simone de beauvoir, heathen
wh*re.
]] Hey. Yeah.
wh*re.
]] Hey. Yeah.
Hey, what's, uh...
]] Hey. Yeah.
Hey, what's, uh...
What's going on?
Hey, what's, uh...
What's going on?
]] What are you doing right now?
What's going on?
]] What are you doing right now?
]] Um, you know, I'm just
]] What are you doing right now?
]] Um, you know, I'm just
chilling in my crib.
]] Um, you know, I'm just
chilling in my crib.
]] Oh, great.
Chilling in my crib.
]] Oh, great.
Remember how I said we should
]] Oh, great.
Remember how I said we should
discuss radical politics and
Remember how I said we should
discuss radical politics and
philosophy sometime?
Discuss radical politics and
philosophy sometime?
]] Yeah, absolutely.
Philosophy sometime?
]] Yeah, absolutely.
]] Well...
]] Yeah, absolutely.
]] Well...
What about tonight?
]] Well...
What about tonight?
]] Tonight? Um...yeah.
What about tonight?
]] Tonight? Um...yeah.
Okay, cool.
]] Tonight? Um...yeah.
Okay, cool.
Yeah, tonight's -- tonight's
Okay, cool.
Yeah, tonight's -- tonight's
good.
Yeah, tonight's -- tonight's
good.
Um...where -- where -- where do
Good.
Um...where -- where -- where do
you want to meet?
Um...where -- where -- where do
you want to meet?
]] Are your parents home?
You want to meet?
]] Are your parents home?
]] No, I'm at my dad's place,
]] Are your parents home?
]] No, I'm at my dad's place,
and he's working the night
]] No, I'm at my dad's place,
and he's working the night
shift.
And he's working the night
shift.
]] Perfect.
Shift.
]] Perfect.
I'll be right over.
]] Perfect.
I'll be right over.
]] You're coming over here?
I'll be right over.
]] You're coming over here?
Like, now?
]] You're coming over here?
Like, now?
]] Paul, I'm not coming by to be
Like, now?
]] Paul, I'm not coming by to be
impressed by your housekeeping
]] Paul, I'm not coming by to be
impressed by your housekeeping
skills.
Impressed by your housekeeping
skills.
Just be ready to let me in in 10
Skills.
Just be ready to let me in in 10
minutes.
[ Doorbell rings ]
]] Hi.
]] [ Clears throat ]
[ sighs ]
]] [ Clears throat ]
[ sighs ]
]] come on in.
[ Sighs ]
]] come on in.
Uh, I got all my books out.
]] Come on in.
Uh, I got all my books out.
My collection's pretty
Uh, I got all my books out.
My collection's pretty
extensive, if a little heavy on
My collection's pretty
extensive, if a little heavy on
the camus.
Extensive, if a little heavy on
the camus.
Presidential reading list and
The camus.
Presidential reading list and
all.
Presidential reading list and
all.
]] Paul, are we alone?
All.
]] Paul, are we alone?
]] Uh, yeah?
]] Paul, are we alone?
]] Uh, yeah?
]] I want to discuss de beauvoir
]] Uh, yeah?
]] I want to discuss de beauvoir
now.
]] I want to discuss de beauvoir
now.
]] okay.
now.
]] okay.
]] paul, do you believe that
]] okay.
]] paul, do you believe that
one's life has value so long as
]] paul, do you believe that
one's life has value so long as
one attributes value to the love
one's life has value so long as
one attributes value to the love
of others?
one attributes value to the love
of others?
]] uh, yeah.
of others?
]] uh, yeah.
]] good, good. That's very good.
]] uh, yeah.
]] good, good. That's very good.
do you believe that women can
]] good, good. That's very good.
do you believe that women can
free themselves, both through
do you believe that women can
free themselves, both through
individual action as well as...
free themselves, both through
individual action as well as...
collective decisions?
individual action as well as...
collective decisions?
]] yeah. Yes. Absolutely.
collective decisions?
]] yeah. Yes. Absolutely.
]] do you believe that one is
]] yeah. Yes. Absolutely.
]] do you believe that one is
not born but rather becomes a
]] do you believe that one is
not born but rather becomes a
woman?
not born but rather becomes a
woman?
]] well, yes, but don't forget
woman?
]] well, yes, but don't forget
that de beauvoir said that even
]] well, yes, but don't forget
that de beauvoir said that even
the most sympathetic of men can
that de beauvoir said that even
the most sympathetic of men can
never fully comprehend a woman's
the most sympathetic of men can
never fully comprehend a woman's
situation.
never fully comprehend a woman's
situation.
]] shh, shh.
situation.
]] shh, shh.
paul, we'll get to that.
]] shh, shh.
paul, we'll get to that.
right now, I need you to do me a
paul, we'll get to that.
right now, I need you to do me a
favor.
right now, I need you to do me a
favor.
]] yes.
favor.
]] yes.
]] I need you to help me become
]] yes.
]] I need you to help me become
a woman.
]] I need you to help me become
a woman.
right now.
[ thunder rumbles ]
]] there you are.
has everything been prepared as
i asked?
has everything been prepared as
i asked?
]] yes, countess.
i asked?
]] yes, countess.
]] good.
]] yes, countess.
]] good.
then where is that fool?
]] good.
then where is that fool?
you ridiculous man, nobody's
then where is that fool?
you ridiculous man, nobody's
going to hurt you...
you ridiculous man, nobody's
going to hurt you...
if you follow my instructions.
going to hurt you...
if you follow my instructions.
Remember, when the girls arrive,
if you follow my instructions.
Remember, when the girls arrive,
we are not to be disturbed for
Remember, when the girls arrive,
we are not to be disturbed for
any reason.
We are not to be disturbed for
any reason.
If someone tries to enter the
Any reason.
If someone tries to enter the
property, you are to stop them
If someone tries to enter the
property, you are to stop them
by any means necessary.
Property, you are to stop them
by any means necessary.
Do you understand?
By any means necessary.
Do you understand?
Go away and do as you're told.
Do you understand?
Go away and do as you're told.
Now, ilona, let us make
Go away and do as you're told.
Now, ilona, let us make
ourselves ready for the arrival
Now, ilona, let us make
ourselves ready for the arrival
of our guests of honor.
Ourselves ready for the arrival
of our guests of honor.
Aww.
Of our guests of honor.
Aww.
Why that sullen face?
Aww.
Why that sullen face?
Tonight my glory will be
Why that sullen face?
Tonight my glory will be
restored and we will soon be
Tonight my glory will be
restored and we will soon be
able to go home.
Restored and we will soon be
able to go home.
]] [ Sighs ]
Able to go home.
]] [ Sighs ]
and if I do everything you ask,
]] [ Sighs ]
and if I do everything you ask,
you will release me so that I
And if I do everything you ask,
you will release me so that I
may return to my family?
You will release me so that I
may return to my family?
]] If you do everything I ask
May return to my family?
]] If you do everything I ask
correctly, perhaps.
]] If you do everything I ask
correctly, perhaps.
]] But you promised!
Correctly, perhaps.
]] But you promised!
[ Gasps ]
]] The dark lord must be
appeased with our unholy
sacrifice tonight, or it will
Appeased with our unholy
sacrifice tonight, or it will
all be over for you and your
Sacrifice tonight, or it will
all be over for you and your
precious family.
All be over for you and your
precious family.
I will see to that personally.
Now go and make ready before I
change my mind completely.
]] [ Sighs ]
Change my mind completely.
]] [ Sighs ]
yes, mistress.
]] ♪ Hold my breath
♪ till the silence falls
♪ bleed to death
♪ Till the silence falls
♪ bleed to death
]] [ gasps ]
♪ Bleed to death
]] [ gasps ]
]] ♪ I don't feel a thing
]] [ Gasps ]
]] ♪ I don't feel a thing
♪ is there anyone out there
]] ♪ I don't feel a thing
♪ is there anyone out there
♪ that loves me as I am?
♪ Is there anyone out there
♪ that loves me as I am?
]] Wait. Where are you going?
♪ That loves me as I am?
]] Wait. Where are you going?
Are you leaving?
]] Wait. Where are you going?
Are you leaving?
]] I'm sorry, paul.
Are you leaving?
]] I'm sorry, paul.
I have to go.
]] I'm sorry, paul.
I have to go.
]] But we didn't even get to
I have to go.
]] But we didn't even get to
second-wave feminism.
]] But we didn't even get to
second-wave feminism.
]] I know.
Second-wave feminism.
]] I know.
Um, I can't tonight.
]] I know.
Um, I can't tonight.
I have to go right now.
Um, I can't tonight.
I have to go right now.
]] Okay, uh, something's up.
I have to go right now.
]] Okay, uh, something's up.
Is it, uh, something that I did
]] Okay, uh, something's up.
Is it, uh, something that I did
or -- or didn't do when we, you
Is it, uh, something that I did
or -- or didn't do when we, you
know?
Or -- or didn't do when we, you
know?
]] Oh, no.
Know?
]] Oh, no.
No, you were great, actually.
]] Oh, no.
No, you were great, actually.
]] Really? Cool.
No, you were great, actually.
]] Really? Cool.
]] Yeah, I just don't have time
]] Really? Cool.
]] Yeah, I just don't have time
to, you know, bask in the
]] Yeah, I just don't have time
to, you know, bask in the
afterglow right now, is all.
To, you know, bask in the
afterglow right now, is all.
]] I'm gonna be totally honest
Afterglow right now, is all.
]] I'm gonna be totally honest
here.
]] I'm gonna be totally honest
here.
Um...that was my first time.
Here.
Um...that was my first time.
And I'm -- I'm pretty sure that
Um...that was my first time.
And I'm -- I'm pretty sure that
that was your first time, too,
And I'm -- I'm pretty sure that
that was your first time, too,
which is totally cool because it
That was your first time, too,
which is totally cool because it
was really special.
Which is totally cool because it
was really special.
I don't mean, like, Ret*rded.
Was really special.
I don't mean, like, Ret*rded.
I mean --
I don't mean, like, Ret*rded.
I mean --
]] no, it was special and
I mean --
]] no, it was special and
magical and all that for me,
]] No, it was special and
magical and all that for me,
too.
Magical and all that for me,
too.
Please, paul, I'll call you
Too.
Please, paul, I'll call you
tomorrow.
Please, paul, I'll call you
tomorrow.
I just have a situation that
Tomorrow.
I just have a situation that
demands my full attention at the
I just have a situation that
demands my full attention at the
moment, so --
Demands my full attention at the
moment, so --
]] whatever's going on, you
Moment, so --
]] whatever's going on, you
clearly need someone to trust.
]] Whatever's going on, you
clearly need someone to trust.
And i-i hope you know that I'm
Clearly need someone to trust.
And i-i hope you know that I'm
that guy.
And i-i hope you know that I'm
that guy.
]] [ Sighs ] thank you, but i...
That guy.
]] [ Sighs ] thank you, but i...
I think I have to handle this
]] [ Sighs ] thank you, but i...
I think I have to handle this
alone.
I think I have to handle this
alone.
]] No, you don't.
Alone.
]] No, you don't.
Look, I'm totally down with this
]] No, you don't.
Look, I'm totally down with this
strong-woman thing, but no
Look, I'm totally down with this
strong-woman thing, but no
person can handle everything on
Strong-woman thing, but no
person can handle everything on
her own.
Person can handle everything on
her own.
Not hillary, not buffy, not even
Her own.
Not hillary, not buffy, not even
you, so please just...
Not hillary, not buffy, not even
you, so please just...
Talk to me.
You, so please just...
Talk to me.
]] [ Sighs ]
Talk to me.
]] [ Sighs ]
you're gonna think I'm crazy.
]] [ Sighs ]
you're gonna think I'm crazy.
[ Chuckles ]
You're gonna think I'm crazy.
[ Chuckles ]
everyone thinks I'm crazy.
[ Chuckles ]
everyone thinks I'm crazy.
]] I already think that you're
Everyone thinks I'm crazy.
]] I already think that you're
crazy, but I also think that
]] I already think that you're
crazy, but I also think that
you're...
Crazy, but I also think that
you're...
Amazing.
You're...
Amazing.
At least I can listen, and maybe
Amazing.
At least I can listen, and maybe
I can even help.
At least I can listen, and maybe
I can even help.
]] Okay.
I can even help.
]] Okay.
But get dressed.
]] Okay.
But get dressed.
I need you to drive me
But get dressed.
I need you to drive me
somewhere, and we don't have
I need you to drive me
somewhere, and we don't have
much time.
Somewhere, and we don't have
much time.
[ Thunder rumbles ]
]] So, what's the plan to bring
down the mary kay lady from
hell?
Down the mary kay lady from
hell?
]] Priority number one is just
Hell?
]] Priority number one is just
to get katharine the hell out of
]] Priority number one is just
to get katharine the hell out of
there.
To get katharine the hell out of
there.
And if bad sh*t's going down,
There.
And if bad sh*t's going down,
you should probably call 911,
And if bad sh*t's going down,
you should probably call 911,
'cause I'm sure they've got my
You should probably call 911,
'cause I'm sure they've got my
number on some list of people to
'Cause I'm sure they've got my
number on some list of people to
let die.
Number on some list of people to
let die.
]] Yeah, but what's the plan
Let die.
]] Yeah, but what's the plan
more specifically, like, if
]] Yeah, but what's the plan
more specifically, like, if
she's this evil countess with
More specifically, like, if
she's this evil countess with
superpowers and we alone have to
She's this evil countess with
superpowers and we alone have to
stop her?
Superpowers and we alone have to
stop her?
]] Just, you know...
Stop her?
]] Just, you know...
Don't retreat, reload.
]] Just, you know...
Don't retreat, reload.
]] Reload what?
Don't retreat, reload.
]] Reload what?
]] Our courage and these two
]] Reload what?
]] Our courage and these two
steak knives I took from your
]] Our courage and these two
steak knives I took from your
kitchen.
Steak knives I took from your
kitchen.
]] [ Laughing ] you don't have a
Kitchen.
]] [ Laughing ] you don't have a
plan, do you?
]] [ Laughing ] you don't have a
plan, do you?
]] All right, I don't have notes
Plan, do you?
]] All right, I don't have notes
written on the back of my hand
]] All right, I don't have notes
written on the back of my hand
for this one, but listen, she's
Written on the back of my hand
for this one, but listen, she's
got to get blood from all five
For this one, but listen, she's
got to get blood from all five
virgins on alban elved, or the
Got to get blood from all five
virgins on alban elved, or the
gig is up, right?
Virgins on alban elved, or the
gig is up, right?
So I figure between the two of
Gig is up, right?
So I figure between the two of
us, we can either sneak
So I figure between the two of
us, we can either sneak
katharine out of there by
Us, we can either sneak
katharine out of there by
midnight or overpower one blood
Katharine out of there by
midnight or overpower one blood
countess while we take her by
Midnight or overpower one blood
countess while we take her by
force.
Countess while we take her by
force.
]] No, no, you're right.
Force.
]] No, no, you're right.
We'll improvise.
]] No, no, you're right.
We'll improvise.
Let's do this thing!
We'll improvise.
Let's do this thing!
]] Paul, are you sure you want
Let's do this thing!
]] Paul, are you sure you want
to do this with me?
]] Paul, are you sure you want
to do this with me?
Because...
To do this with me?
Because...
If I'm wrong and we get caught,
Because...
If I'm wrong and we get caught,
I could just be getting you into
If I'm wrong and we get caught,
I could just be getting you into
a lot of trouble.
I could just be getting you into
a lot of trouble.
]] Leah, it's trespassing, not
A lot of trouble.
]] Leah, it's trespassing, not
grand theft auto.
]] Leah, it's trespassing, not
grand theft auto.
And I'm a minor with no prior
Grand theft auto.
And I'm a minor with no prior
record who's the president of
And I'm a minor with no prior
record who's the president of
the young philosophers club.
Record who's the president of
the young philosophers club.
I don't think I'll get in that
The young philosophers club.
I don't think I'll get in that
much trouble.
I don't think I'll get in that
much trouble.
]] Maybe not, but you'll be a
Much trouble.
]] Maybe not, but you'll be a
pariah at school for the rest of
]] Maybe not, but you'll be a
pariah at school for the rest of
the year.
Pariah at school for the rest of
the year.
]] Did I mention the young
The year.
]] Did I mention the young
philosophers club?
]] Did I mention the young
philosophers club?
]] [ Chuckles ]
Philosophers club?
]] [ Chuckles ]
]] yeah.
]] [ Chuckles ]
]] yeah.
We make "glee" look like the
]] Yeah.
We make "glee" look like the
homecoming court.
We make "glee" look like the
homecoming court.
And besides...
Homecoming court.
And besides...
I don't think you're wrong.
And besides...
I don't think you're wrong.
]] Well, it could be very
I don't think you're wrong.
]] Well, it could be very
dangerous.
]] Well, it could be very
dangerous.
]] Well, then I can't let you go
Dangerous.
]] Well, then I can't let you go
alone.
]] Well, then I can't let you go
alone.
]] Fine.
Alone.
]] Fine.
But we stay together unless
]] Fine.
But we stay together unless
absolutely necessary, got it?
But we stay together unless
absolutely necessary, got it?
]] Got it.
]] Damn. This is fully v.i.p.,
b*tches.
]] We're like the girls next
b*tches.
]] We're like the girls next
door partying at the mansion,
]] We're like the girls next
door partying at the mansion,
yo!
Door partying at the mansion,
yo!
]] And now, my dears, I have one
Yo!
]] And now, my dears, I have one
more surprise for you before I
]] And now, my dears, I have one
more surprise for you before I
give you your special gifts.
More surprise for you before I
give you your special gifts.
Your mothers are here to join us
Give you your special gifts.
Your mothers are here to join us
for our celebration.
Your mothers are here to join us
for our celebration.
I've been giving them little spa
For our celebration.
I've been giving them little spa
treatments this past week, and I
I've been giving them little spa
treatments this past week, and I
think you will be quite
Treatments this past week, and I
think you will be quite
surprised at their
Think you will be quite
surprised at their
transformation.
Surprised at their
transformation.
Britney, I'm so sorry your
Transformation.
Britney, I'm so sorry your
mother couldn't be here to join
Britney, I'm so sorry your
mother couldn't be here to join
us.
Mother couldn't be here to join
us.
]] Still on her alco-holiday?
Us.
]] Still on her alco-holiday?
]] It's so chaotic.
]] Still on her alco-holiday?
]] It's so chaotic.
Can you handle my truth?
]] It's so chaotic.
Can you handle my truth?
]] Ladies?
]] Whoa.
]] Mommy?
]] Hello, darling.
]] Mommy?
]] Hello, darling.
]] sh*t, mom.
]] Hello, darling.
]] sh*t, mom.
You look...amaze-ba*ls.
]] sh*t, mom.
You look...amaze-ba*ls.
]] Yes, dear.
You look...amaze-ba*ls.
]] Yes, dear.
Tonight is only the beginning.
]] Yes, dear.
Tonight is only the beginning.
[ Thunder rumbles ]
[ Gate creaks ]
]] Okay.
She's in there with the
bachmanns and the
She's in there with the
bachmanns and the
"bad girls club," but I don't
Bachmanns and the
"bad girls club," but I don't
see katharine.
"Bad girls club," but I don't
see katharine.
You keep an eye on them.
See katharine.
You keep an eye on them.
I'm gonna go around to the back
You keep an eye on them.
I'm gonna go around to the back
door and see if it's open.
I'm gonna go around to the back
door and see if it's open.
]] Wait.
Door and see if it's open.
]] Wait.
You said we weren't gonna split
]] Wait.
You said we weren't gonna split
up.
You said we weren't gonna split
up.
]] I know, but you can see
Up.
]] I know, but you can see
everyone from here.
]] I know, but you can see
everyone from here.
I'll text you if I find a way
Everyone from here.
I'll text you if I find a way
in.
I'll text you if I find a way
in.
]] Okay. Be careful.
In.
]] Okay. Be careful.
]] You, too.
]] Hello, girlie.
]] No. No.
[ Muffled screaming ]
]] Holy sh*t!
]] Oh, my god!
]] [ Gasps ]
]] Oh, my god!
]] [ Gasps ]
look at this one.
]] [ Gasps ]
look at this one.
Look at this one.
Look at this one.
Look at this one.
]] Oh, my god. Okay.
Look at this one.
]] Oh, my god. Okay.
]] Ashley, check it. Check it.
]] Oh, my god. Okay.
]] Ashley, check it. Check it.
[ Indistinct conversation ]
[ Metal scraping ]
[ Clatter ]
]] [ muffled ] no! No! No!
]] Leah!
Leah, where are you?
]] [ Muffled ] paul, look out!
Paul!
]] [ Muffled ] paul, look out!
Paul!
[ Muffled shouting ]
[ Thudding ]
]] [ Sniffing ]
]] [ Screams ]
]] Hi.
I remember you from the other
day.
I remember you from the other
day.
Can you -- can you please talk
Day.
Can you -- can you please talk
to me?
Can you -- can you please talk
to me?
What's going on?
To me?
What's going on?
Please?
What's going on?
Please?
]] You'll find out soon enough,
Please?
]] You'll find out soon enough,
and you'll wish you hadn't
]] You'll find out soon enough,
and you'll wish you hadn't
asked.
And you'll wish you hadn't
asked.
It's more horrible than anything
Asked.
It's more horrible than anything
you've ever imagined.
It's more horrible than anything
you've ever imagined.
]] Liz is going to be very
You've ever imagined.
]] Liz is going to be very
displeased when she sees me tied
]] Liz is going to be very
displeased when she sees me tied
up like this.
Displeased when she sees me tied
up like this.
I'm a guest of honor here.
Up like this.
I'm a guest of honor here.
]] You're not a guest.
I'm a guest of honor here.
]] You're not a guest.
You're a prisoner.
]] You're not a guest.
You're a prisoner.
Just like I am.
You're a prisoner.
Just like I am.
Just like what everyone who
Just like I am.
Just like what everyone who
enters this house becomes.
Just like what everyone who
enters this house becomes.
]] [ Voice breaking ] no!
Enters this house becomes.
]] [ Voice breaking ] no!
She loves me!
]] [ Voice breaking ] no!
She loves me!
She told me so!
She loves me!
She told me so!
]] Don't you see?
She told me so!
]] Don't you see?
She doesn't love anyone but
]] Don't you see?
She doesn't love anyone but
herself.
She doesn't love anyone but
herself.
[ Thunder rumbles ]
Herself.
[ Thunder rumbles ]
I'm sorry.
[ Thunder rumbles ]
I'm sorry.
I cannot help you.
I'm sorry.
I cannot help you.
]] No, no, no! Please don't go!
I cannot help you.
]] No, no, no! Please don't go!
Please, please don't!
]] No, no, no! Please don't go!
Please, please don't!
Talk to me! Please!
Please, please don't!
Talk to me! Please!
No.
Talk to me! Please!
No.
]] Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew.
No.
]] Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew.
[ Groans ]
Yes.
[ Door rattling ]
]] [ Muffled ] god damn!
Get your f*cking hands off me.
Ohh!
]] Ohh!
]] [ Groans ]
[ grunts ]
]] [ Groans ]
[ grunts ]
]] nice job there.
[ Grunts ]
]] nice job there.
But you got to stop using sex as
]] Nice job there.
But you got to stop using sex as
a weapon.
But you got to stop using sex as
a weapon.
]] I know.
A weapon.
]] I know.
We still got to find katharine.
]] I know.
We still got to find katharine.
We're running out of time.
We still got to find katharine.
We're running out of time.
]] What happened to your shoe?
We're running out of time.
]] What happened to your shoe?
]] Don't ask.
]] What happened to your shoe?
]] Don't ask.
]] This is all legit, right?
]] Don't ask.
]] This is all legit, right?
'Cause I want to keep both.
]] This is all legit, right?
'Cause I want to keep both.
I mean, I'm the leader and done
'Cause I want to keep both.
I mean, I'm the leader and done
most of the work keeping these
I mean, I'm the leader and done
most of the work keeping these
other b*tches in line.
Most of the work keeping these
other b*tches in line.
]] Now, ashley, my dear, one
Other b*tches in line.
]] Now, ashley, my dear, one
mustn't be too greedy.
]] Now, ashley, my dear, one
mustn't be too greedy.
Why don't you go try those on in
Mustn't be too greedy.
Why don't you go try those on in
the bathroom where the light is
Why don't you go try those on in
the bathroom where the light is
better?
The bathroom where the light is
better?
Jillian, go help her, will you?
Better?
Jillian, go help her, will you?
]] Fine.
Jillian, go help her, will you?
]] Fine.
Come on, mom. Let's go.
]] Fine.
Come on, mom. Let's go.
]] Mm-hmm.
Come on, mom. Let's go.
]] Mm-hmm.
Don't try to cop in my swag.
]] Mm-hmm.
Don't try to cop in my swag.
]] Right? [ Chuckles ]
Don't try to cop in my swag.
]] Right? [ Chuckles ]
]] oh, an elegant choice.
]] Right? [ Chuckles ]
]] oh, an elegant choice.
But let me give you just one
]] Oh, an elegant choice.
But let me give you just one
more to try before you make your
But let me give you just one
more to try before you make your
final decision.
More to try before you make your
final decision.
]] Oh, I don't know.
Final decision.
]] Oh, I don't know.
I think this one might be a
]] Oh, I don't know.
I think this one might be a
little too "headbangers ball"
I think this one might be a
little too "headbangers ball"
for me.
Little too "headbangers ball"
for me.
]] Hmm. Funny.
For me.
]] Hmm. Funny.
I've dreamed about you wearing
]] Hmm. Funny.
I've dreamed about you wearing
this one since the day we met.
I've dreamed about you wearing
this one since the day we met.
]] [ Choking ]
[ Both screaming ]
]] check it, chicas.
This sh*t is luxury, okay?
]] Check it, chicas.
This sh*t is luxury, okay?
Um, what's going on?
This sh*t is luxury, okay?
Um, what's going on?
Did that dumb b*tch pass out on
Um, what's going on?
Did that dumb b*tch pass out on
one glass of champagne again?
[ Thunder rumbles ]
]] paul, over here.
]] Here goes nothing.
]] I want to see liz!
I need to talk to --
]] mom, how could you do this to
I need to talk to --
]] mom, how could you do this to
me?
]] Mom, how could you do this to
me?
This is so f*cking ghetto!
Me?
This is so f*cking ghetto!
]] Sorry, dear, but this is the
This is so f*cking ghetto!
]] Sorry, dear, but this is the
only way.
]] Sorry, dear, but this is the
only way.
Look at how young and beautiful
Only way.
Look at how young and beautiful
I am.
Look at how young and beautiful
I am.
No man will ever leave me again.
I am.
No man will ever leave me again.
]] We need your virgin blood.
No man will ever leave me again.
]] We need your virgin blood.
]] So that's why you had me lead
]] We need your virgin blood.
]] So that's why you had me lead
that stupid club?
]] So that's why you had me lead
that stupid club?
I'm gonna die a virgin because
That stupid club?
I'm gonna die a virgin because
of your bullshit midlife crisis!
I'm gonna die a virgin because
of your bullshit midlife crisis!
God, I'm so over this!
Of your bullshit midlife crisis!
God, I'm so over this!
]] Wait.
God, I'm so over this!
]] Wait.
I didn't wait.
]] Wait.
I didn't wait.
I'm not a virgin.
I didn't wait.
I'm not a virgin.
Mom, ash, I'm not a virgin!
I'm not a virgin.
Mom, ash, I'm not a virgin!
I hooked up with travis last
Mom, ash, I'm not a virgin!
I hooked up with travis last
night!
I hooked up with travis last
night!
]] Shut up, you liar.
Night!
]] Shut up, you liar.
]] I'm not lying!
]] Shut up, you liar.
]] I'm not lying!
I totally f*cked up like you
]] I'm not lying!
I totally f*cked up like you
said I would, and travis said no
I totally f*cked up like you
said I would, and travis said no
one would know the difference.
Said I would, and travis said no
one would know the difference.
We both had full-on triple-x
One would know the difference.
We both had full-on triple-x
sex!
We both had full-on triple-x
sex!
[ Chuckles ]
Sex!
[ Chuckles ]
]] I didn't authorize that!
[ Chuckles ]
]] I didn't authorize that!
]] Ash, I am not saying it's
]] I didn't authorize that!
]] Ash, I am not saying it's
wrong to be pissed off, but
]] Ash, I am not saying it's
wrong to be pissed off, but
maybe right now we should try
Wrong to be pissed off, but
maybe right now we should try
and bond together and find a way
Maybe right now we should try
and bond together and find a way
out of here.
And bond together and find a way
out of here.
]] Shut up, noemi.
Out of here.
]] Shut up, noemi.
Got enough of that mariachi
]] Shut up, noemi.
Got enough of that mariachi
kumbaya sh*t to last me a
Got enough of that mariachi
kumbaya sh*t to last me a
lifetime at your cheesy-a*s
Kumbaya sh*t to last me a
lifetime at your cheesy-a*s
quinceañera.
Lifetime at your cheesy-a*s
quinceañera.
]] Excuse me?
Quinceañera.
]] Excuse me?
]] You heard me, you stupid
]] Excuse me?
]] You heard me, you stupid
b*aner!
]] You heard me, you stupid
b*aner!
]] Um, some of us were actually
b*aner!
]] Um, some of us were actually
born in this country and don't
]] Um, some of us were actually
born in this country and don't
have a "made in china" stamped
Born in this country and don't
have a "made in china" stamped
on our a*s!
Have a "made in china" stamped
on our a*s!
]] I'm korean!
On our a*s!
]] I'm korean!
]] [ Korean accent ] oh, so
]] I'm korean!
]] [ Korean accent ] oh, so
sorry!
]] [ Korean accent ] oh, so
sorry!
All look same!
Sorry!
All look same!
]] Well, at least no one's ever
All look same!
]] Well, at least no one's ever
asked me for my papers in this
]] Well, at least no one's ever
asked me for my papers in this
town!
Asked me for my papers in this
town!
I'd rather be mistaken for a
Town!
I'd rather be mistaken for a
tourist than someone driving
I'd rather be mistaken for a
tourist than someone driving
across the border to clean
Tourist than someone driving
across the border to clean
toilets!
Across the border to clean
toilets!
]] [ Normal voice ] I am gonna
Toilets!
]] [ Normal voice ] I am gonna
cut you, you f*cking alien!
]] [ Normal voice ] I am gonna
cut you, you f*cking alien!
]] Silence!
Cut you, you f*cking alien!
]] Silence!
]] [ Gasps ]
]] Silence!
]] [ Gasps ]
]] [ choking ]
]] [ Gasps ]
]] [ choking ]
]] [ gasping ]
]] [ Choking ]
]] [ gasping ]
]] let's find out the truth with
]] [ Gasping ]
]] let's find out the truth with
this one.
]] Let's find out the truth with
this one.
[ Sizzling ]
This one.
[ Sizzling ]
you stupid little harlot!
[ Sizzling ]
you stupid little harlot!
No matter.
You stupid little harlot!
No matter.
Ilona, bring me that one.
No matter.
Ilona, bring me that one.
]] No!
Ilona, bring me that one.
]] No!
You said you loved me!
]] No!
You said you loved me!
]] It's time to complete the
You said you loved me!
]] It's time to complete the
sacrifice.
]] It's time to complete the
sacrifice.
]] I can't believe you didn't
Sacrifice.
]] I can't believe you didn't
follow the pact, skeetch.
]] I can't believe you didn't
follow the pact, skeetch.
You are so dead!
Follow the pact, skeetch.
You are so dead!
[ Choking ]
[ Thunder crashes ]
]] [ Coughs ]
]] [ sniffs ]
[ Trickling ]
[ coughs ]
[ gasps ]
[ Coughs ]
[ gasps ]
[ gasps ]
Oh, my god.
[ Clatter ]
]] idiot gardener.
[ Clatter ]
]] idiot gardener.
]] Yeah.
]] Idiot gardener.
]] Yeah.
They heard that.
]] Yeah.
They heard that.
]] Never mind.
They heard that.
]] Never mind.
Our fifth and final virgin has
]] Never mind.
Our fifth and final virgin has
arrived.
Our fifth and final virgin has
arrived.
You three.
Arrived.
You three.
Get her and bring her to me.
You three.
Get her and bring her to me.
Hurry!
Get her and bring her to me.
Hurry!
Time is running out!
]] S-so...i guess I'm no use to
you, so I can -- I can go,
right?
You, so I can -- I can go,
right?
]] Sorry, deary.
Right?
]] Sorry, deary.
[ Body thuds ]
]] Sorry, deary.
[ Body thuds ]
I don't like leaving loose ends.
]] Judy, you go that way.
Jan, come with me.
]] Excellent.
I always took you for a warrior
princess.
I always took you for a warrior
princess.
Let me take care of the real
Princess.
Let me take care of the real
housewives of san griento.
Let me take care of the real
housewives of san griento.
You get upstairs and find
Housewives of san griento.
You get upstairs and find
katharine.
You get upstairs and find
katharine.
Xena, don't argue.
Katharine.
Xena, don't argue.
Take spirit and go.
[ Whistles ]
all right, you botox b*tches.
Let's dance!
All right, you botox b*tches.
Let's dance!
[ Demonic snarling ]
Let's dance!
[ Demonic snarling ]
oh, sh*t.
[ Demonic snarling ]
oh, sh*t.
]] Please don't let her k*ll me.
Oh, sh*t.
]] Please don't let her k*ll me.
]] It's no use.
]] Please don't let her k*ll me.
]] It's no use.
You do not know the strength of
]] It's no use.
You do not know the strength of
her power.
You do not know the strength of
her power.
Accept your fate.
Her power.
Accept your fate.
You cannot get away.
Accept your fate.
You cannot get away.
]] And now it is time to
You cannot get away.
]] And now it is time to
complete these black rites as
]] And now it is time to
complete these black rites as
the midnight hour draws near.
Complete these black rites as
the midnight hour draws near.
I make this unholy sacrifice of
The midnight hour draws near.
I make this unholy sacrifice of
alban elved to the
I make this unholy sacrifice of
alban elved to the
prince of darkness.
Alban elved to the
prince of darkness.
Dark lord, restore my youth and
Prince of darkness.
Dark lord, restore my youth and
my beauty, and I will continue
Dark lord, restore my youth and
my beauty, and I will continue
to serve only you forever.
]] Not so fast, you Eurotr*sh
hell wh*re.
]] Leah!
Hell wh*re.
]] Leah!
]] Leah.
]] Leah!
]] Leah.
You little brat.
]] Leah.
You little brat.
I knew you'd make an appearance
You little brat.
I knew you'd make an appearance
here tonight, just as your
I knew you'd make an appearance
here tonight, just as your
ancestor did on this night so
Here tonight, just as your
ancestor did on this night so
many moons ago.
Ancestor did on this night so
many moons ago.
]] Aah!
Many moons ago.
]] Aah!
What does that mean?
]] Aah!
What does that mean?
]] I knew I recognized your
What does that mean?
]] I knew I recognized your
bloodline the moment I saw you,
]] I knew I recognized your
bloodline the moment I saw you,
cousin.
Bloodline the moment I saw you,
cousin.
]] Cousin?
Cousin.
]] Cousin?
]] Yes.
]] Cousin?
]] Yes.
Your friend leah is a direct
]] Yes.
Your friend leah is a direct
descendant of
Your friend leah is a direct
descendant of
emperor matthias ii, who
Descendant of
emperor matthias ii, who
condemned me to death by walling
Emperor matthias ii, who
condemned me to death by walling
me inside my bedchamber.
Condemned me to death by walling
me inside my bedchamber.
But my power was strong, and a
Me inside my bedchamber.
But my power was strong, and a
fortnight after they buried me
But my power was strong, and a
fortnight after they buried me
in the cold earth, my devoted
Fortnight after they buried me
in the cold earth, my devoted
coven brought me back.
In the cold earth, my devoted
coven brought me back.
They hid me for many years until
Coven brought me back.
They hid me for many years until
I could reclaim the castle and
They hid me for many years until
I could reclaim the castle and
continue this unholy ritual that
I could reclaim the castle and
continue this unholy ritual that
has given me eternal life.
Continue this unholy ritual that
has given me eternal life.
]] Ah!
Has given me eternal life.
]] Ah!
]] No!
]] Ah!
]] No!
]] And now I shall take
]] No!
]] And now I shall take
especially sweet revenge by
]] And now I shall take
especially sweet revenge by
bathing in the blood of my
Especially sweet revenge by
bathing in the blood of my
enemy's
Bathing in the blood of my
enemy's
great-great-granddaughter.
Enemy's
great-great-granddaughter.
]] Leah!
Great-great-granddaughter.
]] Leah!
]] Go for it, b*tch.
]] Leah!
]] Go for it, b*tch.
You know, I thought you might
]] Go for it, b*tch.
You know, I thought you might
try that tonight, so I made it a
You know, I thought you might
try that tonight, so I made it a
point to lose my precious
Try that tonight, so I made it a
point to lose my precious
virginity before stopping by.
Point to lose my precious
virginity before stopping by.
]] You did?
Virginity before stopping by.
]] You did?
Was it with paul?
]] You did?
Was it with paul?
]] You bet it was.
Was it with paul?
]] You bet it was.
]] Oh, wow. Good for you.
]] You bet it was.
]] Oh, wow. Good for you.
]] Silence!
]] Oh, wow. Good for you.
]] Silence!
No matter.
]] Silence!
No matter.
I have other ways of torturing
No matter.
I have other ways of torturing
you.
]] Paul!
]] [ Hisses ]
]] leah!
]] [ Hisses ]
]] leah!
]] [ Choking ]
[ Body thuds ]
]] before you suffer a slow and
painful death of my choosing,
]] Before you suffer a slow and
painful death of my choosing,
you can watch as I bathe in the
Painful death of my choosing,
you can watch as I bathe in the
blood of your sweet little
You can watch as I bathe in the
blood of your sweet little
friend here.
Blood of your sweet little
friend here.
]] Not a chance.
What's the point k*lling her?
By my count, you're still a
virgin short, and your time's
By my count, you're still a
virgin short, and your time's
up, countess.
Virgin short, and your time's
up, countess.
]] Oh, no, my dear.
Up, countess.
]] Oh, no, my dear.
I always carry a spare with me
]] Oh, no, my dear.
I always carry a spare with me
just in case.
I always carry a spare with me
just in case.
]] [ Gasps ]
Just in case.
]] [ Gasps ]
]] no, you promised me I could
]] [ Gasps ]
]] no, you promised me I could
finally go home!
]] No, you promised me I could
finally go home!
]] Aww.
Finally go home!
]] Aww.
My poor, sweet girl.
]] Aww.
My poor, sweet girl.
[ Demonic voice ] don't you know
My poor, sweet girl.
[ Demonic voice ] don't you know
by now that my promises are made
[ Demonic voice ] don't you know
by now that my promises are made
to be broken?
]] [ Gasps ]
No!
]] Aah!
]] Save her, please!
]] Die now then if you must.
But die knowing that I have
]] Die now then if you must.
But die knowing that I have
triumphed once again.
But die knowing that I have
triumphed once again.
]] You can save all of us
Triumphed once again.
]] You can save all of us
and yourself.
]] You can save all of us
and yourself.
I know you can!
Leah!
]] [ Shrieks ]
[ both screaming ]
]] [ Sighs ]
[ gasps, screams ]
]] [ gasps ]
[ Gasps, screams ]
]] [ gasps ]
[ screaming ]
]] Paul?
Paul?
Paul?
Paul?
Paul?
[ Exhales deeply ]
Paul?
[ Exhales deeply ]
are you okay?
[ Exhales deeply ]
are you okay?
]] Yeah.
Are you okay?
]] Yeah.
I think so. You?
]] Yeah.
I think so. You?
]] [ Chuckles ]
I think so. You?
]] [ Chuckles ]
yeah.
]] Looks like you took names and
kicked a*s.
Knew you would.
Kicked a*s.
Knew you would.
]] Come here.
]] You are the great one.
You are the savior of us all.
]] What? No.
You are the savior of us all.
]] What? No.
Oh, my god. Get up.
]] What? No.
Oh, my god. Get up.
I never could have done that
Oh, my god. Get up.
I never could have done that
without your help.
I never could have done that
without your help.
]] Yeah, ilona.
Without your help.
]] Yeah, ilona.
You're the great one.
]] Yeah, ilona.
You're the great one.
]] I'm so sorry I didn't help
You're the great one.
]] I'm so sorry I didn't help
you before.
]] I'm so sorry I didn't help
you before.
I hope you and god will forgive
You before.
I hope you and god will forgive
me.
I hope you and god will forgive
me.
]] It's okay.
Me.
]] It's okay.
I understand.
]] It's okay.
I understand.
You were scared.
I understand.
You were scared.
]] Both of you must travel to my
You were scared.
]] Both of you must travel to my
village, where so many were
]] Both of you must travel to my
village, where so many were
taken by that devil woman.
Village, where so many were
taken by that devil woman.
You'll be treated like queens
Taken by that devil woman.
You'll be treated like queens
there and celebrated for
You'll be treated like queens
there and celebrated for
centuries.
There and celebrated for
centuries.
]] Why don't we just get out of
Centuries.
]] Why don't we just get out of
here?
]] Why don't we just get out of
here?
We can plan our summer vacation
Here?
We can plan our summer vacation
later.
We can plan our summer vacation
later.
]] Yeah. Good idea.
Later.
]] Yeah. Good idea.
Come with us.
]] Yeah. Good idea.
Come with us.
]] I would love to.
Come with us.
]] I would love to.
]] [ Chuckles ]
]] ♪ Ah, oh
♪ ah, oh
♪ ah, oh
♪ Ah, oh
♪ ah, oh
♪ ah, oh
♪ Ah, oh
♪ ah, oh
♪ remember the girl who moved to
♪ Ah, oh
♪ remember the girl who moved to
california ♪
♪ Remember the girl who moved to
california ♪
♪ weren't sad to see her leave
California ♪
♪ weren't sad to see her leave
♪ her claim to fame was the boys
♪ Weren't sad to see her leave
♪ her claim to fame was the boys
that she, ah ♪
♪ Her claim to fame was the boys
that she, ah ♪
♪ she was c*ck than you can
That she, ah ♪
♪ she was c*ck than you can
believe ♪
♪ She was c*ck than you can
believe ♪
]] hey, leah.
Believe ♪
]] hey, leah.
So, about that rain check for
]] Hey, leah.
So, about that rain check for
existential feminism...
So, about that rain check for
existential feminism...
]] Tonight at 7:00 work for you?
Existential feminism...
]] Tonight at 7:00 work for you?
Maybe we can touch on some of
]] Tonight at 7:00 work for you?
Maybe we can touch on some of
those themes we explored last
Maybe we can touch on some of
those themes we explored last
time.
Those themes we explored last
time.
]] [ Chuckles ]
Time.
]] [ Chuckles ]
and here I thought you were just
]] [ Chuckles ]
and here I thought you were just
using my fine, young a*s to save
And here I thought you were just
using my fine, young a*s to save
yours.
Using my fine, young a*s to save
yours.
]] Oh. It's a date, then.
]] Smooth, my man.
Very smooth.
]] Yeah.
Very smooth.
]] Yeah.
]] Hey, old buddy, old pal.
]] Yeah.
]] Hey, old buddy, old pal.
]] Hey!
]] Hey, old buddy, old pal.
]] Hey!
I'll talk to you guys later,
]] Hey!
I'll talk to you guys later,
okay?
I'll talk to you guys later,
okay?
So, guess what.
Okay?
So, guess what.
]] What?
So, guess what.
]] What?
]] I checked out the euro passes
]] What?
]] I checked out the euro passes
on the internet last night, and
]] I checked out the euro passes
on the internet last night, and
I found a ton of cheap hostels.
On the internet last night, and
I found a ton of cheap hostels.
]] Excellent.
I found a ton of cheap hostels.
]] Excellent.
This summer is going to be
]] Excellent.
This summer is going to be
totally sweet.
This summer is going to be
totally sweet.
And, hey, listen, if it's too
Totally sweet.
And, hey, listen, if it's too
freaky for you to go visit her
And, hey, listen, if it's too
freaky for you to go visit her
castle, you can totally stay in
Freaky for you to go visit her
castle, you can totally stay in
budapest while I make the
Castle, you can totally stay in
budapest while I make the
trip -- if you want.
Budapest while I make the
trip -- if you want.
]] Now, no. I want to go.
Trip -- if you want.
]] Now, no. I want to go.
And besides, after everything I
]] Now, no. I want to go.
And besides, after everything I
put you through, I'm never gonna
And besides, after everything I
put you through, I'm never gonna
let you down again, okay?
Put you through, I'm never gonna
let you down again, okay?
]] Kath, you don't have to
Let you down again, okay?
]] Kath, you don't have to
apologize.
]] Kath, you don't have to
apologize.
]] I know. I know.
Apologize.
]] I know. I know.
But look, I just want you to
]] I know. I know.
But look, I just want you to
know that everything that's
But look, I just want you to
know that everything that's
happened has made me stronger,
Know that everything that's
happened has made me stronger,
and you don't have to protect me
Happened has made me stronger,
and you don't have to protect me
anymore.
And you don't have to protect me
anymore.
From now on, we stand tough
Anymore.
From now on, we stand tough
together.
From now on, we stand tough
together.
Deal?
Together.
Deal?
]] Deal.
Deal?
]] Deal.
]] And, um, besides, you know,
]] Deal.
]] And, um, besides, you know,
we're gonna be the guests of
]] And, um, besides, you know,
we're gonna be the guests of
honor at ilona's village, and I
We're gonna be the guests of
honor at ilona's village, and I
don't want to miss that.
Honor at ilona's village, and I
don't want to miss that.
]] You still maxing out your
Don't want to miss that.
]] You still maxing out your
monthly minutes with that chick
]] You still maxing out your
monthly minutes with that chick
or what?
Monthly minutes with that chick
or what?
]] Yeah.
Or what?
]] Yeah.
I guess I am la lesbo de
]] Yeah.
I guess I am la lesbo de
san griento after all.
I guess I am la lesbo de
san griento after all.
]] Yeah, the one thing the
San griento after all.
]] Yeah, the one thing the
hiltons got right.
]] Yeah, the one thing the
hiltons got right.
]] Yeah, well, that and you're
Hiltons got right.
]] Yeah, well, that and you're
still way more butch than me.
]] Yeah, well, that and you're
still way more butch than me.
]] Oh! Whatever!
Still way more butch than me.
]] Oh! Whatever!
Just lucky I found a new bottom
]] Oh! Whatever!
Just lucky I found a new bottom
to push around.
Just lucky I found a new bottom
to push around.
]] I know.
To push around.
]] I know.
I mean, who knew some people
]] I know.
I mean, who knew some people
actually liked negative and
I mean, who knew some people
actually liked negative and
pissy?
Actually liked negative and
pissy?
]] Heathen wh*re is the new
Pissy?
]] Heathen wh*re is the new
black, baby.
]] Heathen wh*re is the new
black, baby.
]] Oh, ba-dum!
Black, baby.
]] Oh, ba-dum!
]] Both: ching!
]] Oh, ba-dum!
]] Both: ching!
[ Both laugh ]
[ Up-tempo music plays ]
]] [ singing in spanish ]
♪ I dream for you
♪ and drink for you
♪ and I'm so happy
♪ And drink for you
♪ and I'm so happy
♪ please, it's not true
♪ And I'm so happy
♪ please, it's not true
[ singing in spanish ]
♪ I dream for you
♪ and drink for you
♪ and I'm so happy
♪ And drink for you
♪ and I'm so happy
♪ please, it's not true
♪ And I'm so happy
♪ please, it's not true
♪ please, it's not true
♪ Please, it's not true
♪ please, it's not true
♪ please, it's not tru-u-u-u-e
[ Singing in spanish ]
Welcome to our World! Where we serve you cookies to ensure you get the best viewing experience on our site.
Did you know that you can remove censorship board-wide, use our advanced search functions, be notified when new content is posted, join our memberships, set episodes to show in any order you want & more if you are logged into your account?
Register or sign in here: ucp.php?mode=register
Did you know that you can remove censorship board-wide, use our advanced search functions, be notified when new content is posted, join our memberships, set episodes to show in any order you want & more if you are logged into your account?
Register or sign in here: ucp.php?mode=register
Chastity Bites (2013)
Moderators: Maskath3, sidolanters, GabrielAlejo2341, Maskath3, GabrielAlejo2341, sidolanters