05x01 - Welcome to My Mind

[bunniefuu]

{\an8}This season, on The Kardashians...

Hi, everybody!

At the end of the day,
beyond all the glitz and the glam,

we are just one, big, regular family.

that hoe.

Listen, you little brat.

off.

♪ I bring drama-ma-ma-ma ♪

♪ With my girls in the back ♪

♪ Girls in the back, drama ♪

I've gotten the partner.
I've gotten the manufacturer.

- I've gotten the funding together.
- You're a [bleep] doer, b*tch.

Well, I'm saying watch,
for years, she's wanted to do this.

Yeah. For years, I wanted
to [bleep] grow to be 5'8".

Oh.

You don't realize that you sometimes
have a stick up your a*s?

Sisters can be vicious and brutal.

You are going through a lot right now
and you're taking it out on me.

And I could, in a way,
handle it, but only for so long.

Like, live your [bleep] life.

Get out!

Yeah, [bleep] lazy-a*s b*tch.

Trust me.
This is nothing.

I had my scan.

They found a cyst
and, like, a little tumor.

Why is it okay? It's 2024.

Like, to talk about
someone's looks so much?

Yeah.

Your personal life being
in the media can make anything

10 times more stressful
than what it already is.

Like, I've never cried about this before,
but I guess it does affect me.

It would affect anyone.

I will get involved
when I [bleep] wanna get involved

because nobody will tell
me not to get involved

when it comes to one of my kids.

Why are you crying?

Just don't think I can do it.

She's not
gonna change her mind.

You enable her.

Growing up in the public eye,

it's much more magnified
and it's much more emotional and scary

when you're doing it
in front of the whole world.

- Woo!
- Cheers.

Oh, Mom!
I don't have clothes on!

Woo! I did it!

It is so [bleep] nice out here.

Cheers!

What if you have your baby on Halloween?

- Who wouldn't want Halloween?
- You're a better girl than I.

We knew that.

She's ready to pop.

What if your water broke, like, right now?

Well, let's not say that

'cause I need to, like, have sex.

I need a martini.

Woo!

Hi, Gypsy.
- Hi!

Welcome back to Season Five,
mother-[bleep].

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Ha ♪

It's wild.
I love being pregnant.

I thought you did.
I did.

You did, right?
Yeah, I did.

I feel like I still get,
like, phantom kicks.

{\an8}I feel like it's empowering.

{\an8}It is, and to give birth and then
to, like, feed from your breasts?

{\an8}- Yeah.
- Like, just milk spurting out everywhere.

{\an8}You know Melissa Kolker has a trick?

- No, I can't do it anymore!
- Oh, really?!

I could get a good squirt
across the room and then...

Like, a long squirt,
more than I could squirt

when I had tons of milk.

It's really good for you.
So, like, I would take, like,

a shot of it if I didn't feel well.

I only do plant-based milk, sorry.

Do you drink regular milk?
I do.

You would.

I would see that.
I can see that.

How are you feeling?

I feel great.

I feel the oxytocin
and all the good pregnancy

hormones.

I have, like, "pinch me" moments
all day long where I'm like,

"Wait, we're, like, really having a baby."

{\an8}Hi, baby.

Goin' on stage. I love you.

{\an8}I love you and I hope
you have the best show.

- Do you want me to say your prayer?
- Sure.

Dear Lord Jesus, I pray that you
keep a wall of fire around Travis.

May he have the best show and protect
him from the fire and the riser

and keep his head clear
and his fingers safe

and that he has the best show.
In Jesus's name. Amen.

Thank you, God. Amen.
I love you, babe.

- I'll call you after my show.
- I love you. Have the best show.

Mwah.

How many weeks are you?

Thirty-one and a half.
Amazing.

Kourt, do you want to
talk about what happened?

Not really.
She's like, "No."

Um,

- I...
- So, Travis left when?

Uh, two days ago.

The scare that happened.
Talk us through a little bit of that.

We had planned a scan at home,

so that all the kids could see the baby,

and Travis was leaving...
about to leave for tour.

The doctor who will come
to the house to do the scan

is a high-risk doctor who's

really detailed and thorough
at looking for everything.

And something caught his eye
where he wanted me to see,

um, a couple specialists

and I had to go in for fetal surgery

where, like, they do surgery on the baby,

which was terrifying.

You knew the night before
that you were gonna have it

in the morning.
That's, like, so stressful.

So stressful. Yeah.
And you were, like,

- by yourself?
- Yeah, I was like, "Who can take me?"

'Cause they were like,
"You can't eat or drink

and someone has to drive you."

And then my mom took me
and then that's when Travis flew home.

The thing that was awful
was his Wi-Fi was broken on the plane.

Oh, my God.
- So, the whole time,

he couldn't get updated.

And you were already in the hospital
or you had the procedure?

He took off and then I think
I had it, like, a couple hours later,

and I was sending him updates
and my mom was sending

him updates.
And it was going green?

Yeah, and he couldn't get, um, anything

and he kept checking the whole...
every two hours on the plane.

Like, "Can you reset the Wi-Fi?"

And they were like, "It broke
on the last... like two flights ago."

By the time he got home,
I had already had my surgery

'cause it was, like,
they had to do it right away.

So, my mom took me to the surgery

and then, Travis,
as soon as he landed,

came straight to the hospital

and then took over
and slept at the hospital with me.

He loves you so much.

Yeah.
- It's really, like...

I said to him after, I was like,
"You're really my husband."

Aww.

But he was, like...

Didn't it feel good
to have that partnership,

- though?
- Yeah, totally.

Do they know how quickly
it manifested itself?

Because don't you get the scans often?
It was, it was quick.

Yeah, it was quick.
So, you caught it early then.

The timing of it was miraculous.
Oh, wow.

Like, that, like, saved everything.

I just feel so grateful that,

ya know, how everything played out

and for the doctors that really
helped to make the best decisions

that really saved our baby.

Dr. Rad was like,
"That was a trauma

"and, like, I want you guys
to be able to, like, take a second

and know that that was really traumatic."

There's some superpower that I have that,

in emergency situations,
I get really calm

and then right when
we left I was like, "Okay."

I could take a deep breath,
I could cry, I could get it out.

I probably cried more than
you cried, [chuckles] um...

I just know your whole
journey to get here,

you just have such great faith
in-in a higher power that

you knew that this was...

- that you were gonna get pregnant.
- Mm-hmm.

Like, when everyone was telling you,
"No, it can't happen. It can't happen."

The whole thing.

Literally, I feel like
I'm having a hot flash.

Oh, my gosh.
It's giving me anxiety.

So many people, like,
they were s-so grateful that

I posted something about it because

{\an8}they said so many people don't feel
comfortable even telling their friends

or their family members

because they're, like,
did they do something wrong,

or different things.

But my doctor's like,
"There's nothing that you did wrong.

"It's not age-related.

It's, like, just a super rare
thing that happened."

But then I was like,
after this happened, I was like,

"God's got this.
We're good.

"This is a miracle
and we're just

gonna be super positive."

Your whole journey has just been...
it's a beautiful journey,

but it's really, you know,
it's been intense

- and you're at the finish line.
- Yeah.

- And you feel good.
- I feel good.

But I also felt good, so I'm, like...
Yeah.

...if I don't feel movement
for, like, five minutes,

I'm, like, shaking him up.

Because of the emergency
fetal surgery that I had to have,

I'm now, like, mostly on bedrest

because there's...
a hole in the amniotic sac

from where they had
to go in to the surgery.

So, I'm not allowed to drive,

I'm not allowed to stand
for more than 20 minutes.

I'm really not leaving
the house, in other words.

Did you guys get
my baby shower invite?

Yes.
I haven't seen it.

- She never sent it to me.
- Oh, it's so cute.

- It's so cute.
- Is it supposed to be a surprise, though?

I don't know. I don't know.
- Like, the theme and everything?

Yeah, I'm definitely not blowing that.

I mean, I gave ideas
of, like, just vintage Disney...

Yeah.
- ...but I don't know what...

Okay, so you know
it's, like, Disney theme?

Yeah.
- Okay.

My mom was asking me
about the food and I was like,

"What? There's no mention of pretzels?"
Ya know, Mickey Mouse pretzels?

And there's no Disneyland churros?

We have to have those.
Those are iconic.

How amazing would that be?
She agreed.

And then, beyond that,
I was like, "You know what? Enjoy."

I know how much she loves to do it

and I think it's really one
of my lessons in life this year

is to not plan, like,
overly plan and control.

Okay, who wants to move that tray?
'Cause I'm not allowed to move anything.

♪ Bring it on, ring the alarm ♪

♪ Don't stop now, just be the champion ♪

♪ You want a Maserati? ♪

♪ You better work, b*tch ♪

Last year, I made a commitment
to myself that I was gonna slow down.

Wow.

- Take some time off.
- ♪ No time to quit now ♪

I was [bleep] lying to myself
'cause I've never been busier

and it's just...
it's just who I am.

Being busy and working
is my happy place.

♪ You better work, b*tch ♪

I'm in New York.
I'm here for just 24 hours

and I've got Paris coming up.

♪ Live in a big mansion? ♪

♪ Party in France? ♪

♪ You better work, b*tch ♪

♪ You better work, b*tch ♪

♪ You better work, b*tch ♪

Has Kim Kardashian slowed down?

No.

♪ Now get to work, b*tch ♪

I'm running a business,
back and forth from meetings

and I'm in law school
and on top of that,

I'm a mom of four
and it is the most important job.

♪ Now get to work, b*tch ♪

I have a new agent.

I sound so Hollywood,
but I'm not in that world yet.

I have to prove myself.

♪ Break it down ♪

How are you going to do it all?

I don't know.
I'm like, "I don't know."

Love. Wow.

Help me.
- ♪ You better work, b*tch ♪

S.O.S.

♪ Ooh! ♪

♪ [echoes] Yeah ♪

Hello?

Season Five,
which means, by the way,

if you add in the 20 seasons
we did previously

and these five seasons,
that's 25 seasons.

So, I think somebody should
give me a 25th anniversary gift.

How 'bout that?
Aren't you glad you brought that up?

Yello!
- There you are.

Wow, somebody's lost a lotta weight.

- Wearin' my new glasses, I see.
- Look at the glasses you bought me!

- Hi.
- Oh, is that what you were tellin'

- me about?
- Hi.

- Yeah, but I got you some.
- You look great!

Scott looks great.

And I know that he has
really struggled the last year or so.

You're really livin' large these days.

I've gained a lotta weight here
'cause of my back.

This is probably
the unhealthiest I've seen him.

And I felt like he was
not in the best place

and it made me really sad.

Wow, you're really being healthy.

- Lemme show you this trick.
- Lemme throw it.

- Lemme throw it.
- To me?

Scott.

I get nervous
throwin' ba*ls in your face.

I'm used to someone with better aim.

- Alright, you ready? Hello!
- Scott.

Listen, I'm not
a [bleep] basketball player.

Well, yeah, that's what I'm used to.

- So, are you... C-Can you not?
- Obviously. What are they like?

- sh**ting hoops?
- Like, throwing ba*ls in my mouth.

Season Five, we are back,
almost like we never left.

It might feel that way to some.
Me.

- Can you do a better job?
- Alright, hold on.

Everything is really great right now.

I think I'm still shedding my 30s.

I just wanna be
with my kids, enjoy my home.

Ha-ha. Yes!

Just dumb, regular-shmegular sh*t.

How's Mason?

He's great.
He's been really unbelievable.

And, like, we're closer than ever.

And he's extremely excited

about his new car that you
promised him in three years.

- So, he looks...
- Thirty-six months.

- He'll be 14 in, like, two months.
- Yeah.

Khloé, you used to drive
when you were his same age.

But you lied to me and said that
I had a government license.

- What?!
- So, you're the one who told me that

- I was allowed to take the kids to school.
- Why... Wait, what?!

You drove the kids to school

- without a license?!
- At 14!

And she said you had
a government license?

So, I couldn't drive and...
- This is insane.

...I was a great driver.

A government-issued license
in the state of California

is something I think I made up.

A government-issued license is...

bullshit.

It was a little bit
different back then.

Don't judge me...
until you've walked in my shoes.

We're all going to jail.

She would've had
all of her kids taken away

- if this story came out when we were...
- Totally. Yeah.

Oh, my God. Right.
- This one, I used to... She used to...

With my "government license"
before I could drive,

we would all go out
to, like, The Standard,

that hotel.
Yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
By the Mondrian.

- Mom got shitfaced.
- Really?

And she was like...
She... And it was only her and I.

I'm driving on the freeway, I'm 15,

I'm not, like, qual... like,

this is a lot for me.
Right.

And then she's just ha...
head hangin' out, whatever.

Like, that's not what you're

- supposed to do.
- No warning!

All of a sudden, bleh.
And we're on the freeway.

- Oh, and it hits the car?
- It shoots back... No, into me!

It comes back into the car?!

And I start crying.
I go, "Please! Mom, Mom!"

- And, and she kept throwing up.
- You are a role model.

No, listen, she was throwing up,

and I w... I had this,
let me tell you, I know the coat.

Kim and her ex-husband,
the first one, bought me this coat.

It was the most expensive
thing I ever owned.

- It was shearling.
- To this day?

It was just...
I remember white shearling.

It was navy suede on the outside.
That's what I was wearing.

And you can't get acidic throwup
out of suede. Okay?

I take her home,
we pull in, Mom is such a legend.

You know when you go
on the house phone, you all call?

- And she goes, "Bruce!"
- She all calls.

-"Clean it up!"
-"Bruce, I need you to know I threw up

and if we don't clean it now,
the paint's gonna peel!"

He hosed my jacket down too
and R.I.P. to the jacket.

Have you not seen that bullshit
she's doin' right now?

Say whatever you want.

There is this new documentary
about our family

and apparently,
whoever, has been calling

people that have either
once been in our lives

or are in our lives
to do the documentary

and no one really has agreed
to do it, except for Caitlyn.

What was it like working with your wife?

Anyway, here we go.

Ugh.

Kris wanted to be more than
just a housewife.

Well, sh**t me, I wanted
to be more than just a housewife.

Okay, so...

k*ll me.

Caitlyn is completely free
to do whatever she wants.

I do find it strange that she
would agree to do a documentary

that I would imagine isn't trying
to paint us in the most beautiful light.

I just know she wouldn't
like that about her.

I got so many text messages saying like,

"Doesn't that hurt your feelings,

that, like, this is what, you know,
your stepdad says about you?"

And it honestly doesn't.

I had such a great stepdad who raised me.

So, like, none of those
things that are said,

even if twisted or whatever
are gonna make me think differently

of, like, the, the life I had.

People have pointed fingers
at her over the years

as if she was the one
that instigated being mean

or being unkind
or being this or being that

- or not understanding.
- No, she... People didn't, Caitlyn did.

Caitlyn always made you look like that.
Yeah, yeah.

That's what I'm tryin' to say,
but even more so now than ever.

Even a few years ago,
when she asked for, like, help

with the YouTube channel
and she still gave a helping hand.

She still tried to help.

She still went out
of her way and now this?

This was my dad for 24 years.
Like, it hurts me too.

- I could totally understand that.
- And I was very close to Bruce.

Right.
Bruce and I...

I used to lay in bed with him
and watch [bleep] Unsolved Mysteries

and all this sh*t all the time.

- He was an unsolved mystery.
- Ugh! [bleep].

Okay, what are we talkin' about?

Um, I have to go pack for Paris.

So, what are you...
- Are you coming?

What is Paris?
Paris Fashion Week.

Oh, my God,
I forgot about that.

Are you gonna come?
I don't know.

Oh, come on.

It's so chill.
Scott's gonna stay there

and take care of the kids,
do the carpool.

So much work.
You gotta get fitted.

Different outfit for every day.

- Different situations.
- No, I'm going for 12 hours.

- For what?
- I don't know, 'cause I'm with Kim.

There's a couple things
that are holding me back

from wanting to go to Paris.

School has just started
and the school routine is a routine

and especially, when Kim told me
we're in Paris for 12 hours,

that didn't really seal the deal for me.

Kim can fly by the seat
of her pants, but it's not me.

Like, I'm not gonna change who I am.

I was like, "You know what,
I actually don't care to do this.

I would rather be with my kids."

- I have to go pack. I'm a very busy girl.
- You don't pack yourself.

Well, I organize and I...

So, you throw it out there
and you say...

♪ Now I'm fresh and clean ♪

♪ I'm smellin' like a flower ♪

♪ And my dress is mean ♪

♪ I feel I got the power ♪

♪ Have self-esteem,
I'm beamin', dreamin' ♪

♪ Of the time I'm gonna have a night ♪

♪ Where's the party at? ♪

♪ I'm gonna take flight ♪

Hello?

Oh.
Hi, it's me!

Todd Kraines.

- Hi!
- Hey!

Tristan has just been signed
back to the Cleveland Cavaliers.

How are ya?
Good, how are you?

Good.

He is about to go to Cleveland
in the next couple days

and the bird's leaving the nest.

Go fly, little bird, go fly.
Don't come back anytime soon.

How's your day goin'?
Good. Packing.

I feel like the past
couple years have been,

I don't know if traumatic
is too big of a word.

It's not.

But I feel like... Okay.
I feel like the past couple years

or maybe the past decade
has really been a very

heavy time in my life.

And I don't necessarily get
a lot of time to just, like, heal.

I thought you weren't
packing a lotta stuff.

Even when you say
you're not packin' a lot,

- you still bring a lot.
- Oh yeah.

Right?

And so,
I am just taking time for me,

and I'm not doing anything special.

I'm not doing anything different,

but I just wanna be
in the moment more.

I wanna put my energy
into things that make me happy.

How are you feeling about leaving?

I guess it's bittersweet, it's a lot.

Going to Cleveland
and-and-and not having Amari there

with me is definitely
gonna be tough.

Well, he's better here
'cause this is where his doctors are

and it's better for him
to be around family and the kids.

That's gonna be the...
probably the challenging part,

not havin' that team,
that-that team at home

to lean on when things get tough.

I don't know if you remember
when you first came back here,

- that was a transition for you...
- Mm-hmm.

...not having your basketball routine

and then you're like...
"I'm doing this routine?"

Not like it's bad,
but you just had to, like,

get reprogrammed into doing that

and then it's basically
what you're gonna be doing now.

Like, it's just a reprogramming and...

it's a short time period
in the grand scheme of things.

Mm-hmm.
Daddy gotta go work.

The move in
and all of these changes,

it was still just
so overwhelming for me.

Oh, they put the blinds up! Okay, awesome.

And so, now, like, even just
when he moved into his house

and I had my home back,
I was like, [sigh of relief].

This is little Tutu's room.

It's so cute.

Now that he's going to Cleveland,
I can imagine I'll just feel a relief.

See the picture I have right here?

I don't care who it is.
I need a... I need space.

I mean, we can just combine both houses
and just live one, big, happy family.

- No.
- Just make a big trail, like a,

like a big tunnel, you know?

- Like a overpass...
- Mm-hmm.

...from here to-to-to your house.

That's normal.
- Yeah.

- Like...
- I know, we were a great dynamic duo,

you know, like,
peanut butter and jelly?

You know I'm always gonna
come with these: fire and ice...

salt and pepper...

Batman and Robin.

Like, come on, let's just...
You know where I stand.

Are you just naming,
like, random two things?

Yeah.

Sometimes I hate
how much I have to think

and be on guard
to not do anything that might

ever give a glimmer that there's hope.

M'kay.

Thank you.

Okay, thank you.
You gotta let go.

Don't walk so close to me.

I believe it was season 2,

that you said once they get in,
they never leave.

Yep. They really don't.

They just don't leave,
even when you ask them to.

They just keep stayin'.

Well...

alright.

It's never gonna end.

Bye.

- Your dress is amazing.
- Okay, I'm excited to see.

And I would love you to try it...

Of course.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Season 5.

Season Five.
Welcome back.

How's it goin'?
- It's goin' great.

Talk a little bit about that.

You feel like you're managing
anxiety better in your life?

I wanna say something.

I feel like I am, obviously,
the most boring sister,

but, like, [laughing] genuinely,
like, I watched the show back

and I'm just like,
"I talk about the same thing

over and over again."

I'm always talkin'
'bout my baby horse,

my [bleep] horses,
and then, like, uh, my anxiety.

The type of anxiety that I suffer from.

Lot of anxiety in settings like this.

That's my horse right here,
the mixed colored one.

I'm having a baby... horse.

"Boring" is a really negative word,
that's for sure, 'cause I'm not boring,

and ask any one
of my best friends.

I am a good time, 'kay?

- It's gonna be fun. I'm excited!
- Yeah.

I am in Paris for Fashion Week.

Oh my God, it's done.

I'm excited, perfect.
It's supposed to be

super long.

I am walking the Victoria Beckham Show.

We have a L'Oréal fashion show.

You like?

And tonight, I have dinner with Kylie,

which I'm excited about.

I really love alone time with Kylie.

I think we're both pretty busy,

so when we get to have
these one-on-one moments,

it's always really special.

I know, you really did your thing, guys.

Right?
I mean, only the best for you.

Thank you.

This [bleep] wh*re
just made me wait for an hour.

Just have to take
a selfie really quick.

No, no, seriously,

I look really good right now.

Hot.

Anyway, what, what were you saying?

Hi, Season Five.
It feels good to be back.

I haven't sat in this chair in a while.

What are you laughing at?

She just made me wait for an hour

in her hotel room
for her to do a photo sh**t.

Whatever!

- And now we are finally on our way.
- It's Fashion Week!

Well, you could've done
your photo sh**t after dinner!

- But Kendall...
- And, and had some consideration

- for my time.
- Oh, oh, that's gonna be really hard.

Did you try this? This is so yum.

- Are they hearts?
- Are they hearts?

Yeah.
- So cute.

Oh, my God! So cute.

How's everything with everything?

My drama is that I went
to the Dolce & Gabbana show.

They wanted me to, like, walk out

- right before the show.
- Mm-hmm.

I was having the best time.

I was, like, taking pictures,
I was just chatting with everyone.

Hi!

Then, as I walked out, Kendall,

and I saw everyone sitting,

- then I realized, "Oh, sh*t."
- Everyone's gonna say, yeah.

"Everyone sitting here
for the last hour is gonna think

- that they were waiting for me."
- Yeah, yeah.

The show started, it's fine.

And then, then, of course,
all these reporters that are there

start going on TikTok and like,

"Well, then, like, you know,
this is how the Dolce show went

"and Kylie held the show up
for 47 minutes.

We're all waiting there for Kylie."

And I'm like... [gasps].

Bonding with Kendall is the best.

I'm just so grateful to have
a sister so close in age to me.

I mean, she's, like, really old.

We accept each other for who we are.
Opposites attract.

That is true.
And we're just a good team.

Kendall.

Can I get one that says "Kris"?

Absolutely.

This is so cute.
I can't take it.

Thank you, guys.

Alright.

I am so excited for Kourtney to see
what we've done for her baby shower.

Hi!

Kourtney's favorite thing is Disney

and we've been going to Disneyland
since Kourtney was born,

so this is a very special place
in Kourtney's heart.

I'm gonna get those hats done.

- Okay. Okay.
- I'll be right back.

So, I thought I'd bring Disneyland to her

for her baby shower
and do it in my backyard.

A little Chrome Hearts
stroller never hurt anybody.

Listen, I'll have a baby shower today.

I'm having a-a ball, by the way.

And we have our family tradition
of the baby bookcase.

So, we just filled that up with books.

This is so cute.

Oh, Kourtney just FaceTimed me.

[over phone] Hey, Mom.
- Hi, sweetheart.

You're not gonna believe this,

but I tested positive for Covid.

Oh no!

Unbelievable.

Can you please ask Mindy to come in?

Can she come in here right away?

It's important.

Wait, stand over there...

- because...
- Yeah?

...Kourtney isn't able
to come to the shower.

{\an8}- Seriously?
- Yeah, she's not coming.

{\an8}Is she sick?

She has Covid.

The morning of my baby shower,

I woke up and tested positive for Covid,

right when I was
about to start getting ready.

I want to cry.

- I mean, it's just...
- I know.

...you've done such a beautiful job,

and it's just hitting me that...
I'm like, "Are you [bleep] kidding?"

You always have the best attitude.
I didn't know who else to tell.

I wanna hug you,
but I was with her too.

I'm just gonna keep my distance.
Right.

I'm gonna get tested.
And Travis has it too?

Or no?
Travis has Covid.

I'm, I'm kinda-
I'm, like... I'm shaking.

I'm so... I just want
Kourtney to be okay.

She's a high-risk pregnancy.
This is really crazy.

I was just wanting to make her happy.
So... dang!

I don't know why I'm emotional,

but I just want her to be okay
and I'm a little worried.

[over phone] Travis is gonna
pick me up 'cause I can't drive.

Right.

I didn't know what to do
and my mom was like,

"Well, you have to come
see the baby shower.

Like, you have to see
what's going on over here."

So I did.

So, we were just gonna
both come see it be...

hopefully, before people come,
we're gonna come now.

- Okay.
- I don't know if you want us

to get outside of the car
and come see it and wear masks?

Yeah. Get out of the car
and then wear a mask

- and come to the front door.
- Okay.

The first part of Travis's
European tour is over

and he flies home
and we test him for Covid.

He wants to test.
He's negative.

Okay, I'll see you in 10 minutes.

- Okay, I'll see you soon, bye.
- O-Okay, bye.

We make out for six hours

and then, I feel that he is hot.

Like, his head feels very warm.

But not because of making out.

Not-Not a making out
type of warm, like, a really warm.

And then he tests positive for Covid.

The shower starts in 20 minutes, right?
I know. Uh-huh.

So, I think it's crazy to call 50 guests

or a hundred people and go, "Don't come."

I think they'll have fun...
With all this beautiful food

and everything going on here
that you guys have worked

for two days putting it together.

I think everybody comes by, has breakfast.

Yes.
- Some things you just

don't have any control of.

And the most important thing today
is Kourtney's health

and making sure her and the baby are okay.

Is that them?!
Okay, we're ready!

Okay. Start singing.
Here they come. They're right there.

♪ Hello, hello, hello ♪

Oh, my gosh.

♪ Hello, my baby ♪

♪ Hello, my honey ♪

♪ Hello, my ragtime, ragtime gal ♪

We really didn't know what to do.

If we should separate or what.

- Aww.
- ♪ Baby, my heart's on fire ♪

I stayed in the guest room
and we FaceTimed all night.

But I think that first six hours of just
making out was like, "I got Covid."

Aw, look at the "Baby Barker".
It's like Disneyland.

♪ Tell me, I'm... ♪

So cute.
- Thank you. Congratulations.

Thank you!

Looks so good. Thank you.

This is so cute.
They have, like, the little Mickey things.

Babe, the most important part right here.

The churros?
The churro station.

I told my mom she had to have that.

It was Disney-themed.

Oh, my God, look at the cake.

So cute.
The pretzels are so cute!

I needed pretzels and churros
and I got them both.

I need a pretzel.

Definitely indulges in that.

Mom, this is crazy!

I feel like we just need to do it again.

Okay.

Hi mom.

{\an8}Hi, is this the cutest?
Yeah.

Hi, Penelope.
Hello.

Did you see the cake, babe?

Oh, I didn't.
Oh, my gosh.

{\an8}This is the cutest ever, Mom.

{\an8}I'm not allowed to get near you.

{\an8}Oh, my gosh!

This is the longest
that I haven't been to Disneyland...

and so my mom, basically,
brought Disneyland to me.

{\an8}It's, like, couldn't be a more perfect
shower for me and Travis.

Let's just sit here
and then we'll tell everyone

not to sit here after us.

This is the cutest
thing I've ever seen.

Can those guys come
to my house later and just sing to me?

'Cause I love those little men.

We'll send them over.
Yeah.

This baby shower that my mom
put together is so adorable.

{\an8}It's so Kourtney.
It is perfect.

One on each lap.

My mom thought about every little thing.

Everything in Kourtney's eyes
that she would want and love.

How cute is this Wishing Tree?

And I believe that love is in the details.

Hi!

Hi, how are you?
- Happy Sunday!

Yes, very exciting.

She's like, "Yes."

They're over there in their cage.

I'm not even hungry,
but I needed to have this.

I think you can stay right here, babe,

and have people come in
and... you just, like...

You're almost like a Disney character,
you just sit here and wave.

Oh, my gosh!

We gotta do them all over again.

How cute is this?

It's the cutest thing I've ever seen.
How cute is it?

I was, like, should we redo it
at my house in, like, two weeks?

Yes.
And just have Mindy

- bring everything there?
- Yeah, just keep everything ready to go.

They have Mickey pretzels with cheese.

That was my one request.
You look cute.

I did my own glam.
Wait, really?

Oh.
- Well, I made glam leave

'cause I tested right when they got there.

We're outside.
You're far.

Yeah.
- You're fine.

Now that we're here at the shower,

everyone is telling us to stay,
and there's two chairs and a table

that are so perfect,
that are far away from everyone

where I feel like we're
the king and queen of Covid.

I'm gonna feed you cheese.

Mm-mm, don't you dare.

Never.

Everyone felt comfortable
because we're outside

and everyone wants us
to enjoy our baby shower.

I got it this morning.

{\an8}Wow, I really almost came over there.

We can do
peak and pit from the far away.

Yeah, we can do peak and pit,
should we get a megaphone?

No.
I love you.

Thank you for coming.
Of course. Love you.

Thank you for coming.
- Bye, you guys.

- Thank you for coming. Bye, Pierce.
- Congratulations.

Hey!

Is that the distance we get?

I told her she can't say hi to you.

We get to sit here.
I said, thank God Travis came.

Imagine if I was here by myself?

Can we have a sign like at the zoo

when it tells you what
kind of animal it is?

Covid?
-"Has Covid."

You can come a little closer.

- We're good.
- You look cute.

Thank you.
So do you.

This is, like, perfect
for you guys, in your castle.

Ah! sh*t!

My God!

We're gonna have a toast, everyone!

- Hi, guys!
- Hi!

We all wanna congratulate
Kourtney and Travis

for their beautiful, beautiful angel

that's gonna be here
in a couple weeks now.

It could be tomorrow.
It could be in two weeks.

- Let's hope for five.
- Five weeks.

Okay, five-week countdown.

We are just so happy to be here
and to see that your love flourish

and that what your love created.

Real genuine love
and a little angel that's coming soon.

Number 13 for the family.

- Mom has been crying all day.
- Wow! Lucky number 13.

- That's right.
- 'Kay, your turn.

Oh! You guys, we're just praying
for a healthy and happy delivery.

We cannot wait to meet Baby Rocky.

Oh... announced the name.

I don't think you were
supposed to say... Baby...

That was just... That's...

What I meant was, what I meant was
it's gonna be a very rocky day...

Come on, Mom.
We've been hiding names and bumps

and pregnancies and marriages
and everything for years.

And at grandchild 13,
are you, like, losing it at this point?

Like, how do you let it slip?
How do you say the name?

I would just say, um,
just to add to that,

if his name is Rocky...

{\an8}it's so fitting because he's such
a fighter and so are you guys.

And we love you.
And he's a rock star.

Yes.
- Here, here!

Long live Kourtney and Travis and baby!

Cheers!

Mm. He's moving,
right at that time.

Well, note to self,
won't tell you any kids names

anytime movin' forward.

This is so perfect.
Thank you, Mom.

It's so thoughtful.

- Thank you!
- Okay, you guys.

And can you imagine if
you didn't see all of this, babe?

Yeah. No, we had to see it.
This is so cool.

Is this exhausting?

It is exhausting.
I'm, like, outta breath.

Yeah.

Are you?

You're not growing a baby.
No.

I wish I could do this for you.
Mm.

I think it all turned out, after all,
at the happiest place on earth.

So, you know,
there's always a happy ending.

There might be
a lotta drama, as usual,

but at the end of the day,
there's always a happy ending.

And it's always about family.

- ♪ Who run the world? ♪
- ♪ Girls ♪

♪ Body like a goddess,
heaven sent, I'm woman ♪

♪ Queen, you know what I mean? ♪

♪ Watch out world, I'm comin' ♪

♪ Make life, break lives ♪

♪ Guess who's back in the house... ♪

♪ Cream of the crop ♪

♪ You do not know her,
so please watch your mouth ♪

♪ We're takin' over,
I'm queen, better bow ♪

♪ I'm here and I'm now... ♪

I hope I fall asleep.

- Are you tired?
- Not yet.

You can just hang out with me.

- We can gossip.
- I know, but I have to sleep

'cause I have to work as soon as we land.
Yeah. Just kidding.

My mom,
Corey and I are going to Paris.

I mean, it's Fashion Week.

There is just so much going on
that I'm so excited about.

Thank you.

Ooh. Thank you for doing that.
Thank you, thank you.

Here, take that, take that.

- Here you go, babe.
- Thank you.

Alright, guys.
Here's to an amazing trip to Paris

- with a little...
- Twenty-four hours in Paris.

Do you wanna know
where I'm going?

So, I go to New York, six hours...

to Paris for 15 hours,

to Atlantic City, to Milan.

My plane's gonna go home,
pick up my kids...

When people are like,
"Why do you work so much?"

Like, "Okay, yeah, that's my vice,

but what else do you
want me to be doing?"

So, I'm actually gonna have
them drop me off in Milan.

Do you want me
to be doing drugs?

Like, if I'm addicted
to working and being busy,

I don't think that's the worst thing.

Then I have to go to Washington, D.C.

How about,
"Let me do what I wanna do.

You do you, I'll do me."

So, that is how many places
in about four days?

- A lotta places.
- Well, here's to your sanity.

- Five days.
- That's impressive.

Here's to safety,
and, uh, uh, good energy.

- And a-a positive mind.
- Good energy...

- Here's to Paris, guys, to Paris.
- Paris.

Um, you wanted this bed?

No, I don't,
I don't care where I go.

You guys wanted
that second bed.

- Sure.
- The double bed.

Yeah, that was supposed to be
for Khloé, right?

Oh. I was like,
"Who wanted this one?"

Khloé is unbearable these days.

Khloé's not coming,
and honestly, she's just not feeling it.

When you're not feeling it,

there's nothing that could force you
to come and have a good time.

Like, you will just be miserable.
I'm not in the mood to deal.

Kourtney is at the very end
of her pregnancy.

I feel like someone has to be here,
even for all the kids.

Like, God forbid
there's a natural disaster.

I just feel like somebody
has to be here.

I know I'm an overthinker.
I know I'm insane.

Welcome to my mind.

She needs to get out and live her life.

All arrows are pointing towards misery.

She feels guilty for leaving
and she just should be home.

Au revoir!

Ha!

Thirty-minute countdown.

Hey!

Hey! Wait, is this Kylie?
No, Kim.

- Oh!
- Hi!

I saw Ariel and I was like,
"Wait, what?"

- Hey!
- Wait, are you walking in

- the Victoria Show?
- Yeah.

- Sorry. Hi.
- Hi, babe. How you doin'?

- You alright?
- Good. How are you?

Isn't it starting soon-ish?


I love that you're walking

in all the shows right now.

When do you leave? In the morning?
Tomorrow at 6:00 a.m.

Um, and then you go home?

I'm actually gonna go
to New York for a day.

Kim is only here for 12 hours.

And I don't know why.
Like, God bless her soul.

I have so much respect for the level
of give a [bleep] that she has

and flying around to all these places
and more power to her, for sure.

But I just could never,
like, it's so much.

Why is everyone
so concerned that I work a lot?

Everyone just has a different
idea of what success is

and looks like to them.

And I think you just should be,
like, nonjudgmental of what that is.

It could look like anything.

I worry about her.
I really do.

I think about her often in the sense
of I want her to take a break.

Are you here tomorrow?

- Yeah.
- What are you... Are you...

Do you have stuff tomorrow night...
at, like, 6:00 p.m.?

I don't know.
What, what is... What's happening?

Because Ashleya, Kelsey, me, Hailey,

like, everyone's coming over
and we're gonna watch

The Golden Bachelor
if you wanna watch with us.

Oh, stop it!
Yeah.

What time?
Si... We were gonna

watch it at six.
Wait, you're gonna watch what?

Golden Bachelor tomorrow.

You're leaving, right?
Ugh, I'm dying to see it.

I'm so excited!
You guys are finally

- on my Bachelor bandwagon?
- You know, shut up!

I've been on The Bachelor
with you for years.

- I know.
- You used to make me watch it

when I was little.

That's what I'm gonna
watch on the plane.

It's on Hulu!
You can get it on Hulu.

You just download it.

Do you remember when
we used to come to Paris

- and I used to get you oatmeal and pasta?
- Oh, we're doing this right now?

- Yeah.
- We're d... We're getting sentimental?

Yeah.
- Okay.

And now you have your own room.
You're all grown up.

Oh, my God, Kendall,
have you seen the show...

Is it, like,
Sexual Attraction or something?

Naked Attraction.
Naked Attraction.

- It's insane. It's p*rn*graphy.
- It's insane.

No. What is it?

Is it reality?

No, they, like...
You... They judge them by

their, like, naked bodies and they...
Stop. I love stuff like this.

No, no no, I have to show you a clip.
Here, wait.

Okay.
Come back in here...

Sorry, I'm so popular.
Everybody wants to talk to me.

You're my only friend in here.

Kendall, come here!

Wait, no!
She's mine!

God!
I'm being summoned here.

- I just want you for more than...
- I'll be right back.

What is happening? God.

I feel so desired in this
very moment and I love it.

Um, no, I'm kidding.
I mean, I'm not kidding,

but everybody loves
feeling a little desire.

What about the one
where you find your family?!

I'm more afraid to keep
my mom waiting, for sure.

Kendall, they zoom in.

- Shut... This is on TV?
- Yeah.

Wait, Kendall, come back here!
I have no one to talk to!

- Look at this vag*na on the girl's...
- No!

We're like,
"What the [bleep] is this?"

Kendall, I'm lonely!

That is crazy.
I need to watch this show.

- I'm back.
- Kim and I'll be there tonight...

Yup.
- ...to watch

bringing her family to work day.

Indeed.

Indeed. I do actually
have to leave, though.

{\an8}I won't see you, but you'll see me.

{\an8}Good luck!
Thanks!

- Oh, my God!
- I didn't even get no pictures with you.

Oh, my God, Kim.

- Thank you.
- That is stunning.

{\an8}♪ Ooh, blame it on my attitude ♪

{\an8}♪ Blame it, blame it, blame it
on my attitude ♪

Ooh, we're in a big traffic jam
in the middle of Paris.

{\an8}Does it say how much longer, guys?

We are in this crush of traffic.

We know we're gonna be late.
We feel terrible.

We don't know what else to do.

It's, like, one road in
and one road out,

and it's stopped.

Do you wanna text Victoria
and tell her we're sorry we're late?

No.

{\an8}How far is the walk if we walked it?
Just outta curiosity.

{\an8}I have such anxiety
because I'm never late.

I don't like to be late.
I like to be early.

Yeah, this isn't moving.

We gave ourselves plenty
of time to get there, over an hour.

And here we are in this mess.

And I'm so nervous that
we're not gonna make the show.

And I know how much
this means to Kim

because Victoria and Kim
are good friends.

And Kendall's walking the show.

We're so late.

I haven't seen Kendall walk in so long...

...in person.

You're not gonna miss her so just...
just relax.

Today, I am walking
the Victoria Beckham Show.

I'm really excited to be here.

I'm closing the show,
which is also such an honor.

And I love my look.
I can't wait for everyone to see.

Are they waiting for us?

No but the line is
like crazy to get there.

The car ride took us an hour,

so we're 20 minutes late to the show.

And I'm not late like that.

I'm very respectful of people's time
and I feel really bad that we're late.

I'm just stressed out
'cause I just know what's gonna come.

And for everyone
to then start with this story

that we held up the show,
"Who do they think they are?"

And that Anna was mad.
Hi.

That we don't like each other.

I think, if anything, I feel like
we have to be extra on time, early.

Just not give anyone
a reason to talk sh*t.

Where's Kendall?
Wait a minute, did we miss Kendall?

I'm like,
"Maybe Kendall got stuck in traffic."

What's happening?

Kendall, I don't want you
to take this personally,

but I think I should let you know

that I did not see you walk
because I didn't recognize you.

It's so horrible.

My family, my friends,
they didn't recognize me,

but I kind of love that.

I-I really...
I kind of love it.

That's, like, kind of always my goal,
is, like, being a chameleon, I guess,

in the sense of becoming
a different character, I don't know.

Did she walk out the whole time?

'Cause my mom and I were like
"We missed Kendall."

{\an8}She, she closed.
She was the last one.

{\an8}So, she was the final look.

I feel like you should get
a big pair of glasses.

I should.
I need them.

She is so sweet and kind to everyone.

She's the best.

I came to support Victoria.
I came to support Kendall.

I love seeing my mom.
I do wish Khloé was here.

- I'm gonna go.
- Okay, I'll see you later.

Khloé can be so stuck in a routine.

She's not gonna
meet anyone in carpool.

She's not gonna
meet anyone at drop off.

She's only gonna meet people
when she does adult things.

I think Khloé would be happier if she
wasn't so, like, rigid about a schedule.

Like, I'm not so stuck on things.

{\an8}Next on, The Kardashians...

Woo! Kendall!

{\an8}Malika wants to have another kid.
Why not get it from you?

I can't [bleep] anymore.

What?

Oh, I've always wanted
to bang ya. Let's do it.

Tonight is the premiere
of American Horror Story.

I can officially apply
for a star on the Walk of Fame!

You were really, really good.

They called me like, "You think Kim
would wanna do her own show?"

, what did I get
myself into?

Can I really pull this off?

Well!

Gerry!
- Hello, everyone!

Kendall is a huge Golden Bachelor fan.

- Gerry!
- Hi. How are you?

Nice to meet you!

Your house is a circus
because you have a lot

and you have a lot going on.

I wanna be more strict,
but I have a hard time saying no.

Like, Khloé is so tough.

Have you talked to her about this...

- No, because she's just very judgmental.
- ...'cause she... Oh.

I am a rigid [bleep].

Au revoir.

I can't say that, but au revoir.

Are-vwah?
It's "O."

Au revoir.
Au re... Au revoir.

Hors d'oeuvre. Order... What?

Maybe it's best you don't go to Paris.