10x18 - Joey Fatone

[bunniefuu]

[ huffs, laughter ]

[ laughter, screaming ]

Let's just get this started.

Are you [bleep] kidding me?!

Who's a good boy?!

[ laughter ]

[ cymbals crash ]

[ thud, clattering ]

[ laughter ]

Narrator: With special guest
joey fatone!

Is there a joey fart-tone?

[ laughter ]

All: Hey!
You know him, you love him.

He's the official bonus joker.
The one and only

Joey fatone is here with us
for the entire episode.

Joe, for one
of our favorite people,

We're playing one of
our favorite challenges...

Today we are receptionists in
a waiting room.

And we've got to do and say
what the other guys tell us.

If you refuse to lose.
I always wanted to say that!

♪♪

All right, boys, here we go.

We're working
as receptionists again.

Wow.

Fatone's doing
an interesting episode because

He's eligible to lose.

That's the big thing.

That's what comes with it.
And I know...

Yeah well, you know.
You don't think
we're gunning for you.

Of course you're gunning for me.

Hello.
How are you, sir?

You can grab a seat.
Sure.

I want to surprise him.
Can we cut the lights?

Oh. Oh.

Sal: The lights are on
a voice activator.

They only turn back on
with a loud yell or yelp.

So, you know, the lights in here

Are sound activated.

You just make a loud noise.
It'll come back on, like a...

[ both yipping ]

There.
Gotcha.

That table is set.
We'll wait for that.

All right. I don't know.
Look at him go.

"my stupid wife
never came home last night."

My, uh...

My stupid wife melissa
never came home last night.

Yeah.

"she's got a crew
she calls the brats."

She's got a crew of girls

That she calls the brats.

"the last time
she came home with,

Like, $600 worth of
legs bucks."

The last time the brats
went out, she came home,

$600 worth of legs bucks.

"well, there's a strip club down
the highway."

There's a, you know,
down the highway.

There's a strip club, legs.

We got like 20 grand of
legs bucks in the safe now.

"I don't know
why she keeps coming home

With all these legs bucks."
I don't know why she

Keeps going and how
she gets all the money.

Something's up here, man.

I can't connect the dots.

- "covered in sparkles."
- she's covered in sparkles

When she comes home.

Does she...

Murr, your mind is blown.

If she goes there
all the time, you know.

[ laughter ]

Murr, you're having
a computer meltdown.

- No...
- you can't believe it?

- Hold on.
- Lights! Lights!

Let's just hope
that's not the case.

[ both yipping ]

[ laughter ]

H-hold on.

Are you saying that you think
my wife might be dancing?

The second they cut the lights,
scream, "yip!"

That's just my thought.
I mean, I could be wrong.

Yip!

[ laughter ]

Murr, walk out of the room.
Excuse yourself for a second.

Could you excuse me
for a second?

I'm a little rattled.

Yeah, yeah.

I... I...

♪♪

Yip, yip.

He's going, "yip, yip"!
Keeping the lights on!

He's keeping the lights on!
Hit the lights.

Yip! Yip!

[ laughter ]

Turn 'em on.

[ laughter ]

Watch him!

Again.

Yip! Yip!

[ laughter, ding ]

Murr: All right, q.
Let's keep the game going.

What's your name?
Jones.

Okay, great.
This is a fabulous block,

You know,
architecturally speaking.

Oh, the concrete back of the
boats across the street, crazy.

Alright, q, you're going to take
this sexual harassment

Training online.

They're bothering me
because I have this

Sexual harassment training.
Sure. No, that's all right.

Murr:
Just hit play there, buddy.

All right, here we go.

[loud] sexual harassment
in the workplace.

[ laughter ]

Welcome back, we'll continue
when you are ready

To proceed with your training.

Q, you never
get the questions right.

True or false: Harassment based
on sexual orientation

Is prohibited by federal law.

[ buzzer ]
incorrect. Moving on.

True or false: Workplace
harassment only affects

Female employees.
False.

[ buzzer ]
incorrect.

Fatone: She's helping him!

True or false: Workplace
harassment is limited to

Instances of physical contact.

False.
[ buzzer ]

Incorrect.

Your harassment training
is incomplete.

Who can I touch?

Yourself when you go home?

[ laughter ]

Q, we got a little surprise,
let's send in

The first employee.

Oh, hey, jess.

That's the sign in sheet.

But I didn't really start it
until joan came in.

You're a real piece
of sh*t, brian.

[ sighs ]

[ laughter ]

Hey, bud.
Hey!

Just want to remind you
that everybody here hates you

And we hope you get
in a car accident

On the way home tonight.
Okay.

All right.
I think that's undeserved.

Good talk.
Yeah.

Oh, my goodness.
This is a crazy place.

[ laughter ]

Go in there.
Send joey in, send joey in.

Joey fatone.

[ laughter ]

Send joey in, send joey in.

"hey, how's that d*ck?"

How's that d*ck?

It's better.
Thanks, joey fatone.

[ laughter ]

You know that band nsync?
Yeah.

Joey fatone.
No.

That's him.
No.

Yeah, that's what
he's up to these days.

Asking you how your d*ck is?

[ laughter ]

♪♪

You're taking me down!

You're take... I can't...
my legs down!

Is this like, am I going to be
on television,

Are the cameras
going to come out soon?

Yeah.

[ ding, laughter ]

- Hi.
- All right.

Oh, hi.
Have you ever done
a focus group?

No.

Murr: "a girl like you
in a place like this?

They're going to have
a field day with you."

A lady like you
in a place like this?

Ooh, they're going to have
a field day with you.

Oh, okay.

You're going to
have fun, though.

Sal, I'll speak in a barely
audible way to her.

I'm a, yeah,
I'm a big fan of art.

I collect art a lot of times.
Yeah.

Q: There he goes.

They might even have
something for you

To do now with art.

I don't even know.
They don't always know...

[ mumbling softly ]
oh.

[ laughter ]

If you're a person
that likes art, that's what

They're going to tell you.
You might have to do it on that.

But I can't tell
if you do it or not.

If you are going to do it,

When you know what,
it can be on the side.

That's why basically they want
to know where are you from?

Yeah.

She doesn't know
what the hell you're saying.

Fatone: Oh, sal, you're getting
a phone call...

Yeah, it's your daughter?

Ooh, my daughter!
Okay, hold on one second.

Hello?
Fatone:
Yeah, she got into an accident.

You're going to have to talk her
through a hit and run.

What? You hit somebody?

Was it...
you're telling me...

Are you okay?
You're... he's not okay.

Q: Uh-oh!
And you hit him.

And you... you
don't have a scratch on you,

But he's [bleep] up bad.

[ laughter ]

Are you sure it was your fault?
Tell me right now.

- Murr: Here's the turn.
- Okay. Get out of there now.

Now, before anyone sees you.
Go two towns over.

Call me from a payphone, okay?

When you get home later,
don't forget to feed the dogs.

Okay? All right.

Is everything all right?

Yeah.

[ laughter ]
okay.

Hey, sal, I think tracy at your
cinnabon there.

You know, there was a...
I had a cinnabon up here.

I don't know where
the cinnabon could be.

That's strange.

Murr:
"there's only one possibility."

The... the cinnabon...

You didn't...
you didn't eat it?

[ laughs ]
no?

No.

Interesting. I dunno.

You may have to go smell
her breath

Just to see
if she ate the cinnabon.

Oh...

[ laughter ]

So, what you're saying, tracy,

Is if I... if I came over there
and smelled your breath,

There would be
no cinnamon on it.

No.
I'm innocent.

Q: Find an excuse to casually
walk over there

And smell her breath.

Just a deep whiff
as you walk by.

I understand.

Ooh!

You're coming over here to
smell my breath?

[ laughter ]

[ sniffing ]

[ ding, laughter ]

Sal: All right, buddy.
Here we go, now...

Q: Quick question for you, what
is your favorite bit

On "impractical jokers"
when you watch it?

Probably when you, like,
the cranjis.

Yeah!
I'm so glad you said that!

Your turn is now going to be
a rousing game

Of cranjis mcbasketball.

You're not
even allowed to smirk.

- Oh, [bleep].
- Stone faced.

Every time you smirk
is a thumbs down.

All right, joey, we've sent in
a list of fake names

That you have to call out
one by one.

Don't look ahead now.

If I call your name
just head around the corner.

They'll be over there
in a minute.

All right, joey,
what do you got?

Is there a choke norris?

"choke norris."
choke...?

No, it's choke.

They have a bunch of different
groups that have been coming in,

So I don't know
which group is what.

Q: Come on, joey.

Ulverius odsenends?

"ulverius odsenends"!

Ulverius, first name, ulverius.

Is that greek?

Q: He did not laugh.

Good job, joey.

Dejaun wittabrades?

[ laughter ]

Is it a mister? Mister?
Mr. Wittabrades?

I'll get the next one.

Crustaceous greg?

[ laughter ]

That's what they're telling me.

The first name greg,
the last name...

The last name is greg.
His first name's crustaceous.

Q: First laugh.
There it is.

That's a smirk!

[ laughter ]

That's a smirk!

Mark it down.

[ sighs ]
yeah. Lay it on us.

"lay it on us"!

That's a smirk.

Stretch puntacana.

[ laughter ]

I think "stretch puntacana"
is my favorite name ever.

No puntacana?

Joey fartone?
Is there a joey fartone?

Last name
don't ring a bell anyway?

Wasn't that, like,
the nsync guy?

Joey fartone from n-stink?

[ laughter ]

[ buzzer ]
I don't think he could recover.

No, no.

Narrator:
It's no laughing matter.

Joey fatone is first up
on the loser board.

Today we're working as waiters

At one of my favorite
restaurants,

Churrascaria plataforma.

And we've just received a phone
call from one of our guests.

We'll have to approach
a table of diners

And get them to accept a call

Based solely on
a very specific description.

The catch is the description
of the person

Will be given to us
by the other guys.

If you can't get somebody
to accept

That phone call, you lose.

Oh, and by the way, this is
a joker versus joey challenge.

What?!

♪♪

- Murr: All right, joseph.
- Q: Joey.

Yes, sir.

Murr: You see the lady
sitting at the back there?

Okay.
You guys doing all right?

Enjoying your meal?
- We're good. Thank you.

All right. There was actually
a phone call for you.

"he said it's the lady slamming
meat down her throat

With no regard
for societal decency."

It was a phone call, and they...

All right. There was actually
a phone call for you.

"they said it's the lady
slamming meat down her throat

With no regard for
societal decency."

It was a phone call.
They were to give me

A description.
I was trying to figure it out.

Do you mind catching
that real quick?

Do you mind? Yeah?
Of course.

No, you got to say it,
she can't just get up!

"let me make sure it's you."

I'm trying to remember what
the description was,

What they said.

It was the lady slimming meat
down her throat

With no regards
to societal decency

Is what they were telling me.

[ laughter ]

Do you mind real quick?
Yeah, sure.

Oh, my god. He got her to go.

Hello?

I think you're the most
beautiful woman in the room,

And I just thought somebody
should tell you that today.

Thank you so much.

So then what the [bleep]
was fatone saying?!

Like, in her mind!

It's just my witty charm

And my personality that
makes them want to come over

And answer the phone.

[ dinging ]
q: Yeah. Yeah.

All right.

Are you drinking?!
Am I drinking?

I can't lose the episode.
The math is in.

This is the last turn

In the last bit of the season
for "impractical jokers."

A toast, q,
a toast to season ten.

To season ten, to season ten.

Season ten.
We're all drinking.

And, uh... and that's it.
And, fatone?

Yeah?

I'll see you
at the punishment, b*tch!

[ buzzer ]

Narrator: Q phoned it in,
but joey fatone

Is still tonight's big loser.

Hey! For the first time

In the history
of "impractical jokers,"

Someone else has lost,
and it is joey fatone.

Joey, are you ready
for the total jokers experience?

Do I even have a choice?
You have no choice at all.

Here's what's happening...
today you're recording

The pilot episode for a brand
new tv series

Called
"joey fatone's dance par-taaay."

And we hired 50 dancers
to be on the floor with you.

So what is the catch?

Well, while you're hosting
"joey fatone's dance par-taaay,"

You're going to be enduring
an assortment

Of past punishments
that we've done.

Assortment?
Like a gauntlet.

We won't make you do anything

We haven't already
done ourselves.

Yeah, this is why I'm a little
bit worried.

Murr: Look at this!

Oh, my god. It's a full
blown dance par-taaay!

Fatone: I hear music.
People got moves.

The vibe out there is fierce!

♪♪

Q: Hey, fatone, how you feeling?
You ready, bud?

Joey, don't worry, buddy.
We printed out cue cards for you

So you'll know what to say.
All right.

Let's bring in joey fatone.
Let's walk, joey.

All right.
- Get in there, joey.

Go out there, king.

Joey! Joey!

Buddy, can I get you
sitting down over here?

Yeah.
Here he is.

Joey fatone is in position.
You might recognize

Joey fatone's outfit, it's from
his doll from 30 years ago.

Here we go.

Hey, what's up?!

Welcome to
"joey fatone's dance par-taaay"!

[ cheering and applause ]

It's real! It's real!

It's the best, fantastic dancers
in the galaxy

We got here
and we are about to set it off!

Let's drop that beat.
Dj busch!

"dj busch"?!

He's a crew member on our show.

He ain't no dj.

[ laughter ]

All right, joey fatone!
The first punishment

Is one of our classics.

There's a punishment where they
forced me to get novocain shot

Into my gums and lips.
Braised beef is brilliant.

So could you kindly come back
here for just a quick minute?

All right, joey!
Here you go.

Hi. How are you?

I'm good.

I still have one.

When you're ready.
I'm ready.

He's ready. He's ready.

Everyone out there's going
what the hell happened to him?

He had a stroke
in between songs.

Same spot?
Yeah, we got to...

The 'cain is coursing
through the gums as we speak.

[ air horn ]

There you go.
Get back out to the par-taaay.

Dr. Caitlin is there.

[ laughter ]
it hurts.

Joey, we're going to throw up
some cue cards for you.

Just read off
the cue card for me.

All right, bud?

All right, guys, we're going to

Throw the camera here.

Here we go, buddy.

Smile, joey, you're having fun?

Smile doesn't look right.

All right. Here we go.
Here we go. Three, two, one.

[slurring] hey, keep your eyes
glued to the screen,

Cause we got more
"dance par-taaay"

After these messages!

[ cheering and applause ]

Oh, my god!
One more time! One more time!

There was fuzz on the lens!
There was fuzz on the lens!

One more. One more.

Three, two, one.

Hey, keep your eyes
glued to the screen

Because we got
one dance par-taaay

After these messages!

Dj busch!
Dj busch!

We gotta give it up
to nicholas busch!

[ cheering and applause ]

[ laughter ]

Great. Joey, can we
pull you back out?

Here we go.
Let's dance, dance, dance!

All right, joey,
come on to the back there.

You're ready
for your next punishment.

I had to do a punishment

Where I was a waiter
at dallas barbecue,

And they spun me around
as many times as they could

And sent me out onto the floor.

I almost k*lled myself.
So, god bless you.

Fatone: You're trying to get...
I'm sliding.

Geez, that's quick!

- Sal: Go, go, go, go.
- Murr: Go, joey, go!

[ laughter ]

Where... where am...
where do I go?!

[ cheering and applause ]

[ laughter ]

Three, two, one. Action!

Welcome back, home slices!

[slurring]
Our par-taaay people,

On the dance floor.

Now, hit me with that fat beat!

[ laughter ]

"home slices"!
"home slices"!

Hit it again, joey!

[slurring]
welcome back, home slices!

It's time to meet our
par-taaay people

On the dance floor!

Now, hit me with that fat beat!

[ laughter ]

Crew: One more. One more.
Here we go.

Welcome back, home slices!

It's time to meet our
par-taaay people

On the dance floor!

Now, hit me with that fat beat!

[ air horn ]

Oh, my god almighty.

All right, we're done
with that one, fatone.

I had a punishment
where these guys made me

Sing a musical based on my life

In front of my entire firehouse.

♪ It's tough ♪

♪ when you don't have
the stuff ♪

So now your time
has come to sing a song.

You don't know the words yet,

But they're on the cue cards
over their.

His newest single.
I guess it's your newest single.

So just work your magic, pal.

All right.
I got a new single

That's bound at the top
of the billboard charts.

It's called "breaking my bed,
breaking my heart."

His mouth is numb,
and the lyrics are terrible.

Yes.

Murr: [laughing]
oh, no!

[ laughter ]

"b-bab-by!"

[ laughter ]

[ laughter ]

Yeah, joey!

How did that become good?

I don't know, joey fatone.

All right, joe.

This is what's happening
next, buddy.

We're going to talk to camera
for a bit

And then you're going
to piss your pants.

I can't believe
we're doing this to you.

Sal: This is what's
happening next, buddy.

You're going to piss your pants.

No, I had to piss mine.
And it was real.

And it was terrible.
Oh!

Crew:
Can we get joey another water?

Sal: We're going to have you
do a couple of throws to camera.

And when you're ready, you're
going to just let it fly, baby.

I... I can't believe we're doing
this to you.

Oh, my god!
All right, y'all!

- Sal: He's doing it already!
- Q: He's peeing!

[ laughter ]
hit him with the lights!

[ laughter ]

Oh, god!
Joe, you made it!

Joe.

We got a hold one second
but that was awesome.

Joe, you're k*lling it.

Sal: Joe, joe, your face.

Your face is miserable.

I've never seen this look
on your face before, joe.

Crew:
Everything okay, joey?

[ laughter ]

People have noticed
that you've wet yourself.

[ laughter ]

All right, guys, we're going
to throw the camera here.

Joey's going to
throw the camera.

Everybody be dancing again.

[ air horn, music ]

Next cue card ready to go.

Alright, fatone.
You're almost done.

Just read that cue card for your
final punishment.

All right, joey.
Three, two, one.

This has been
"joey fatone's dance par-taaay"!

And fun fact I always get
a tattoo

Of the name of the show...

[ laughter ]

The name of the show
I worked on.

So, come on out
and give me some ink.

[ cheering and applause ]

Yes!
Yeah, baby!

That's right, buddy.

It wouldn't be
"impractical jokers"

Unless you got a tattoo.

How big is this thing?!

Here's the thing, joe.

You cannot look at it
until it's done

And we peel that bandage off.
Okay?

[ needle buzzing ]

♪ now I'm feeling
like braised beef ♪

Oh! Fatone is here!

Now it is time
for the big tattoo reveal.

Oh, I can't wait.
Are we ready?

♪♪

Look at that!

It is
"joey fatone's dance par-taaay"!

Well...!

You might want to take
a closer look at that.

sh*t.
I can't read it.

I'll read it for you.
Please do.

"joey fartone's
dance par-taaay."

Whatever. You know what?
It's all part of you guys.

I love it. I love you guys.
I love this show.

So anything...
oh.

Let's get it over here.

♪ Baby, baby, baby ♪

Thank you guys.

Can I get a round of applause
for joey fartone?

[ cheering and applause ]