07x05 - Indecent Proposal

[bunniefuu]

Narrator: Coming up...
Is Joe leading a double life?

- Where are you from?
- Mother Russia.

- Why is murr doing skin-deep?
- Are you Chinese?

Narrator: And which losing joker
will be dancing dirty

in tonight's
indecent punishment?

Sal: Prepare for
something amazing.

Q: Hey, mustache, what's up?

Murr: I want my mommy!

Sal: I will never forgive you!

Joe: Larry!

Sal: Girlfriend,
your jealousy is showing.

Today, we're playing a game
called "that ain't me."

Each of us will have
to exit this building

multiple times
through the lobby,

every time interacting with
the same, exact receptionist.

The catch is that, every time
we leave the building

and interact
with the receptionist,

we'll be dressed in a totally
different look and persona.

The goal is to interact
with the receptionist

as many times as possible
without them calling out,

"you're the same exact
person from before."

The winner is the guy
who dupes the receptionist

the most without getting caught.

That's right. Yeah.
I owe him 5 bucks.

I didn't think he'd be able
to get through that.

What is your first
and last name?
Sal.

- There's sal vulcano.
- Oh, right.

Murr: The receptionist thinks
she's checking people out

after a focus group.
And there you go.

So, the next time we see sal,
he will not be sal.

No.
He'll be
a persona he created

not to get called
out by this woman.
Murr: Yeah.

- Okay.
- And the game is on.

Sal's first costume.

How are you?
Good. How you doing?

Good. What's your first
and last name.

Friends call me "rage."

Q: Rage?
But I'm Bob...
Bob Phillips.

And where are you from?

Secaucus.

Murr: Look at the hair.
He looks like weird al.

And how was your
experience today?

Right on.

There you are.
Appreciate it.

Thank you.
Rage from secaucus.

Wow.
Wow.

Rage from secaucus gets through.

Ladies and gentlemen.
Whoa!
Wait a minute.

Wait a minute, boys.
Her radar is up.

You may not get
past this one, bud.

- Next character.
- Yeah, all right, bro.

- Whatever. Yeah.
- He looks just like him.

- Is that a spray tan?
- Hold on a sec.

Uh, I think you
were already here.

Murr, q and Joe:
Oh! Oh!

- Oh, you got busted!
- You got got!

Nah, dawg.
That ain't me.

No, my name's Vinnie. My friends
call me "balsamic Vinnie."

Yeah, you were also
sal and...
Vinnie.

- Oh, you idiot!
- She called you out.

That's the game.
You're done.

I had so many more outfits.

- Here comes q.
- Hey, man. How you doing?

Murr: He's got an eyepatch.

I'm Brian Quinn.
How you doing?

- Pretty good.
- Yeah? Good, good.

- Nice to see you.
- All right.

I think that calls more
attention to his face, no?

I agree.

- All right, brother.
- All right, hey, man.

Here you go.
Have a good day.
Thank you. Take care.

- That's technically a costume.
- I've seen him in an eyepatch.

I don't know why these guys
are so thrown off by it.

This is q's first turn.

What's up, brother?
What's going on, man?

- Those pants!
- What's your name?

Ralph furley.

- Ralph furley?
- From "three's company"?

- He's Mr. Furley!
- What group were you with?

Group "d," I think.

I forget man.
I blazed a little, you know?

Here you go, buddy.
Have a good one.

- He's got it.
- Furley.

How is he not sniffing you out?

- The guy's got the same voice.
- Sounds like jealousy.

- Well done, Mr. Furley.
- Thanks, baby.

Sal: All right,
now is the real test.

Joe: Number two.

- How you doing?
- Okay. How you doing?

Sal: He's missing an arm.

- What's your name?
- Jack.

Murr: This is genius.
You know why?

He doesn't want to stare.

And how about the... the group?

It was interesting.

- Here you go.
- Yeah, okay. Have a good one.

Thank you.

Sal: Now what?
You see the arm behind you.

Look up! Look up!

- Wow!
- Well done, q.

- Oh, q!
- God damn it. I don't...

You better give me another shot.

- I made so many outfits up.
- Well done.

Joe: I mean, this guy...
He came playing chess.

Here we go.
Q with outfit number three.

Hey, they said I had
to check out with you?

- It's Marty mcfly.
- He's laughing. He knows.

- What's up, man?
- Marty... Mcfly... Jr.

- Come on, dude.
- Where are you from, Marty?

- Hill valley.
- Hill valley.

Sal: I mean, that's it.
Come on.

- All right, Marty.
- All right. Thank you.

- Oh! Oh, he got away with it.
- Very good, q. Very good.

I'm walkin' here!
I'm walkin'!

I feel this is unfair.

It's not unfair.
He's doing a good job.

Excellent jacket.

Howdy, partner.
I got to, uh...

How's it going, Marty Ralph?

Marty Ralph?

- Oh! Oh! Oh, yes!
- He got him!

He got me.

Hi. How are you?

They told me to come here
for an exit thing.

All right, man, have a good one.
All right, thanks.

You, too, bud.

- Okay. Here comes murr.
- Yo, dawg.

Ohh.

Just finished my seminar, man.

- He's Ali g?
- You had the seminar?

I think I fill something out?
Yeah.

What's your first and last name?

Name's Sheldon wahlbaums.

My friends call me "jiggy."

What is the ethnic background?

White. White!
Okay.
But I think I'm hispanic.

Joe: He's not gonna
call him out?

Thanks, yo.
Thanks, man. Yeah.

- Wow.
- Look at him.

Sal: Look at the confusion.

Murr's got one.

- Oh, boy.
- My name is Stanley merkel.

I'm checking out.

Tell me... where are you from?

This guy does not
recognize him anymore.

- No.
- He doesn't recognize him.

And how would you describe
the experience here today?

It was...
Enlightening.

Have a good one.

- You, too, sir.
- Thank you.

Somehow, that's not
his creepiest costume.

The first time we saw murr,
he was creepiest.

That's odd
that he went creepy twice.

2 for 2.

Whoa! Sorry.

Uh, skip Malone,
checking out.
Skip Malone?

- Skip Malone.
- Is he wearing a cup?

He's definitely
stuffed his shorts.

How would you describe
the experience here today?

- Guy still doesn't know.
- Guy still doesn't care.

Radical. Radical.

Thanks, bro.

All right, you're welcome.
Have a good one.
Yo. Hang tight.

All right, man.

- This is gonna be a problem now.
- This is a big issue.

- This is an issue. Okay?
- 'Cause that's number three.

If skip Malone doesn't
make an eyebrow raise,

I don't know what to do.
- Yeah, this is a problem now.

I think just...
I ran out of costumes.

I didn't think I'd make it
past the second one.

I have no more costumes.

Well, he's gonna have to
pull something from nothing.

Failure to prepare
is preparing to fail.

This is grab bag.

All right. This is
a grab-bag outfit.

Q: It's grab-bag Murray.

I don't want to see this.

- C-Checking out.
- Call him out.

What is your first
and last name?

- Jenn convertibles?
- Jenn convertibles?

And where are you from?

- Come on, guy.
- I-I don't know!

It's me! It's me!

I'm the same guy from before!

Sheldon!
Just the same guy.

Murray cracked under pressure.

So now you have
a personality disorder.

I'm checking out.

Q: Joey is in.
There he is.

All righty.
Thank you so much.
Appreciate it.

Sal: Joe's first costume.

Hello.

What is your first
and last name?

It's Boris Von sputnik.

Q: It's so obviously
a fake mustache.

And where are you from?
Mother Russia.

- Mother Russia?
- Mother Russia?

Mother Russia!

And how would you describe
your experience here today?

Uh, the room was
a bit "stouffy."

- "Stouffy"?!
- You're wearing a fur coat!

- Well done. She had no clue.
- Did you enjoy it?

Murr: Next character.

- Ohh!
- He's back!

Murr: Next character.

Ohh! He's back!

What is your first
and last name?

It's, uh, Joe Ann.

- Oh, Joe Ann.
- Wow!

How would you describe
your experience here today?

It was great.
Yeah?
I learned about some cool apps.

There was, like, a female,
which was a women's-only e-mail.

Q: You look really weird.

- I am freaked out.
- Thank you very much.

- Have a great day.
- Thanks.

Come on. She's not even
blinking. Why was my person...

Because you went out as sal
twice and called yourself "vin."

Girlfriend, your
jealousy is showing.

All right.

Sal: What? What is this?
What is happening?

What is your first
and last name?

- Cole Von Cole.
- What?

- C-o-l-e v-o-n c-o-l-e.
- Come on!

How would you describe
your experience here today?

Atrocious.

I have much more...

I have

much more, much more important
things to do with my time.

Come on! Call him out!

I was promised snacks, as well.

- Were you?
- Come on!

I canceled a tee time
with Owen Wilson.

-Well, enjoy your day
-good day to you.

Yeah, just right here, it's...

- Oh.
- Oh, come on!

Come on, man.

Oh!

I dropped my glasses.

Do you want me
to get them for you?

Oh, come on!
She's coming out!
She's coming out!

Now he's just making fun of you.

Come on.

C-o-l-e v-o-n c-o-l-e.

She didn't know that
that character was fake.

- I was promised a meal.
- This is ridiculous now.

You look like a
Christmas tree ornament.

The moderator was atrocious!

I can't take this anymore.

Let me go again, and that's it.

- Go get dressed.
- All right. Okay. All right.

- Can I go?
- Go!

All right, all right, all right.

Q: All right, sal's mercy rule.
We're giving him one more shot.

Were you just part of the group?

Yeah.
So we're all in agreement
that he lost...

We don't have to sit
here and watch him?

We don't have to.

I was so hoping you
guys would say that.

I'm sorry.
Well, somebody needed to say it.

- All right, bye. Okay.
- Thank you. Appreciate it.

Mm-hmm.

See you, b*tches.
Did they just all leave?

- They're out?
- I want to say something.

I crossed over there.
I noticed they weren't there.

Now I get dressed
in the fat suit.

They didn't give me
even a fighting chance.

And I'll tell you
another thing...

I don't need them here
to keep playing the game.

And guess what's gonna happen...
I'm gonna win,

and they're all
gonna lose right now,

'cause I'm gonna be here
till 9:00 P.M.!

Over here. Hello.
First name?

- Bill, please.
- There you go. Have a great day.

Thank you very much.

Mm-hmm.

- We didn't leave.
- -You...

And that's how you pay chess!

And that's how you play chess!

Whoo! Whoo!

She didn't call me out,
but you just made me lose.

She didn't even... you assholes.

- Where'd you go?
- This is

I'm never playing you...

Q: "I'm gonna win
the whole thing!"

- I'm gonna...
- "I'll be here till 9:30!"

- "No one's leaving till 9:00!"
- The crew really loved you, bud.

You know, it's days like this.

Narrator:
Sal didn't dress for success,

so he's first up
on the loser board.

Sal: Today, we are at
culture Espresso,

asking fellow
coffee-shop patrons

to help us with a very important
e-mail that we're writing.

The catch is,
the ridiculous e-mail's

been written by the other guys,

and the first time we read it is
when we open the computer.

The goal is to get the stranger

to agree that your e-mail
is ready to send as is.

If they don't agree
that that e-mail

is ready to send, you lose.

Narrator: It's sal and murr
in a joker vs. Joker challenge.

- Murr's up.
- Can I ask you a question?

Sure.
You know when
you write an e-mail,

you're like, "sh**t. I don't
know if I should hit 'send'

or should wait
a second, sleep on it?"

Yeah.
I need, like,
an objective opinion.

- Okay.
- Here's what it is.

"Troy, question...
Are you Chinese?"

"I've wondered
for some time now,

and I didn't know how
to broach the subject.

Whenever I'm around you,
I sense a vibe,

and I just want to know."

It's a vibe.

"If you're not, don't sweat it.
You're still awesome."

"And I'm sorry
I brought it up."

I don't want to insult him,
you know?
Yeah, yeah.

"I'll see you
at Kristin's next week.

Hope there's enough
sour cream this time.

Lol."
yeah.

Here's the thing, though... I've
known him for like a decade.

It's an odd question.

If you've
known someone for a decade,

you'd think you'd kind of know.

Yeah, but it's almost...
At this point,

I should know if he's
Chinese or not, right?

- Yeah.
- This guy's just jumping in.

This guy's just chiming
in, jumping in.

He eavesdrops.

I don't know.

"What... am I supposed to know
if Troy chen is Chinese?"

I'm supposed to know
that Troy chen is Chinese?

I don't know.

Oh, "Troy" is a giveaway.

- He's got to be Chinese?
- Of course.

"I'll be, like, over his house
once in a while,

take my shoes off."
Oh, my god. Oh, my god.

Oh, my god. Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.

Where's Terry?
Where's Terry?

Back to the e-mail,
do you think it's ready to send?

Should I just hit "send"?

Ah! Ah!

This is Troy chen coming in.

Q: Troy chen.

Troy!
What's up, Troy?

What's up, buddy?

How's it going?
Good to see you, man.

Quick question...
are you Chinese?
Yeah.

Oh. All right.

Joe:
All right, so sal's in.

Sal, go.

Oh, my. This is...

- This is tough.
- Got to kick-start this horse.

Joey.
Joey, where you going?

Joe's gone rogue.

Oh, hey, dude.
How's it going?

I haven't seen you.
I haven't seen you. Good.

I'm all right. I'm headed out
to the... back to the office.

Did you send that e-mail?
I don't...

Just send it.
Don't be in your own head.

Just send it. Get somebody's
opinion if you have to.

How about those two ladies?

Well, ladies...

I'm... I have an e-mail
I've been waiting to send.

I'm wondering if I can get
an opinion before I send.

Okay.

So, it says, "Gail,
it's really cool

if you want to get
into animal husbandry.

It's..."

Sal: I'm wondering if I can get
an opinion before I send.

Okay.

"It's really cool if you want
to get into animal husbandry.

It's..."
oh, oh, oh.

"It's not just jerking
off horses, though."

"Anyways, we also jerk off...

More than horses...
Bulls, sometimes."

I promise, when you
start sixth grade,

I'll sign you up
for the workshop.

Love, dad."

It's a family business,

and bring your daughter
to work day backfired on me.

I just don't know
if I should send it.

If not... I mean, we've already
had a frank discussion.

If you're comfortable with it,
I think it's okay.

- Oh! Oh, my god!
- Thank you so much. "Send."

- Thank you. Thank you.
- Good work, buddy.

Narrator: Sal's got a message
in his inbox.

He's tonight's big loser.

Hey! Hey! All right.
Sal is our big loser.

As per usge. Here we go.
What do we got? Here we go.

Hey, you ever see the movie
"indecent proposal"?

That's where Robert redford pays
a lot of money in order for...

- To sleep with the girlfriend.
- That is correct.

Have you ever seen
"dirty dancing"?

Yes, that's a Patrick
Swayze-Jennifer grey vehicle.

Very popular.

Today, you're gonna be
a dance instructor.

No. And during the class,
you're gonna go around

and just make indecent proposals
to the couples,

and we'll see
if we got any takers.

Wait. What if someone
takes me up on it?

Well, good luck.
You go from loser to winner.

Instructor:
Today, we're going to learn
a little bit of salsa,

and I'm going to
introduce to you sal,

who's my teaching assistant.

- Indecent assistant.
- Pleasure to see you guys.

This will be a fun,
fun little class today.

All right.

So, what we're gonna do
is we're gonna start.

Okay, sal, so, the punishment's
over after you have indecently

proposed to every
couple in there.

March, march, march.

March, march, march.

March, march, march.

March, march, march.
And shoulders up.

We're having fun, right?
Feel the music.

Q: Yeah, great.

"Hey, by the way, anybody want
to bang me for money?"

Practice it on your own.

You don't have to...
- All right, they're pairing up.

All right, sal.
Time to get askin', baby.

I can't even do this.

This is a tell of sal when
he's nervous... his eyes shift.

- Yes. He's shifting.
- Yeah. Shifting.

Murr:
You got to do them all, bud.

You have to do them all,
sal, so start somewhere.

Go.

Right now.

- Here we go, bud.
- Oh, my god.

Sal's gonna hit that guy up.
Sal's gonna hit that guy up!

I understand. I understand.

Well, look, don't be
too hard on yourself.

- You know what I mean?
- "Speaking of hard..."

Speaking of hard, i, uh...

- Here it comes.
- God. I...

Joe:
All sal can think right now is,

"I have to ask these people
to make love to me for money."

I understand. I understand.

Well, look, don't be
too hard on yourself.

- You know what I mean?
- "Speaking of hard..."

Speaking of hard, i, uh...

Speaking of the humping
and leading

with the hips and all that...

Excuse me if i'm
being forward, um...

God. No disrespect at all.
No dis...

But if you're so inclined,
I will tell you guys,

I have a passion for passion.

- "And the money to back it up."
- And, uh...

Joe: Here it comes.

And I have the money
to back it up.

- Now, what I want to say... yes.
- Oh, my god! With...

With the utmost respect, I am
very attracted to one of you.

Oh, my. And I just want
to let you know that,

if you were open to it, uh,

I would be interested in
maybe spending some time

with you guys in a more
passionate capacity.

Oh, god!

Just swirl that around
in your head.

Yes.

Oh, okay. And...
Well, now that...

So, that still stands then, huh?

Oh! All right, continue.

- Oh, my god! Oh, my god!
- That was tense.

Sal, I'm right there with you,
pal, except I'm back here, safe.

How you guys doing over here?

Murr: Here we go.

Yeah.
Oh, there's all levels.

"Speaking of taking
the next step..."

So, if you've had
5 classes or 10 classes,

but you still feel like
you're a beginner...

- He's got a group now.
- You should be here.

Sal, you get 2 for 1 right here.

Yeah, also, I'm just...
Just put this out...

Put this out there
for you is that I...

I am independently wealthy, and
I like to swing.

You guys are all
attractive people.

I don't know if you're in
relationships or just friends.

Oh, my god. But I would
love to, uh, you know,

proffer some type
of arrangement.

- Oh, this is brutal.
- Oh, my god!

This is...
But initial... initial thoughts?

And we'll check in
to our left over here.

What are your
thoughts initially?

- Oh, same.
- Yeah.

Okay.

And you're gonna want to do one,
two, step, one, two, step,

and just lead with
your hands, okay, guys?

Thank you.

Joe: Now on to the next one.

- Oh, this is gonna be good.
- That's a tough one.

- Oh, my god.
- This is gonna be good.

Ohh. That's good.
That's good.

I love to see a couple
try new things.

"Not sure if you caught wind
about what's going on here."

Hey, with the utmost respect,
I was... I just want to say...

And I hope you take this
as a compliment...

You guys are a very nice couple.

I'm independently wealthy
and like meeting new people.

And, uh, I'm open to a number,
if you guys request it, to...

To be open to a rel...

An opened relationship
of any kind.

But...

Yeah. No...
No snap judgments. Yeah.

Just letting you know that,
if there's a number,

I would meet it,
and the offer's on the table,

and, uh, good-looking couple.

Oh, thank you. Thanks a lot.
Okay, thank you.

God.
Look at her face.

Oh, my god.
I can't take this anymore.

Sal, did we tell you
about that briefcase yet?

Yeah, sal, by the door.

There's a briefcase full of
money for you to offer people.

Show everybody that money, bud.

Just... just letting you know...

Oh, this is brutal.

Just remember...
I know you leave tomorrow,

and I know you'll be alone,
so I'm just telling you...

There's a lot more
where that came from, okay?

All right, class is over.

So, no takers? I think
that's about wrapped up.

Uh, we're gonna wrap up shortly.
Again, I spoke to most of you,

but this is on the table,
if we have any takers.

- No takers. No takers.
- Wow.

Happy salsa.

Look at this!

♪♪

Sal just had an
indecent punishment,

and now you get
a behind-the-scenes look

of how it was all choreographed

and bonus footage
from tonight's episode.

- I haven't...
- How do you feel, buddy?

I can't really talk right now.

Okay, 5, 6, 7, 8.

You ever done this?

Have I ever paid a man
to have sex with me?

- Yes.
- Yes.

I mean, who hasn't?

- Yeah, and speaking of which...
- I'll get it to you.

- All right.
- He's about to go in.

He's a little nervous,
as you can tell.

- All right, bud.
- Great job, guys.

I should mention I also...

I am independently wealthy
and very promiscuous.

Uh, I have a large sum
of cash here.

If you guys ever want
to party, let me know.

Just enjoy the class.
Enjoy the class.

That was worse than bingo.

- Oh, my god. Bingo!
- Oh, no.

Because it's more
personal, right?

- Ohh.
- It's so personal.

I think I lost
my car-park thing.

If somebody finds it
on the street, they can walk up,

give them my car ticket,
and drive away with my car.

Joe: It's actually better
that you lost it.

Think of it this way...

Like, where are you
gonna park tomorrow?

Nowhere. Don't have a car.

- I love your attitude.
- I'm telling you.

I mean, there's only
one way to look at it,

and that's sunny side up.

Also, you don't have to put
a blinker on ever again.

That's my favorite
part of the car.

Even a broken watch is right
two times a day, buddy.

Yeah, but none of that
applies to this current...

No? Well, sometimes,
the sun comes up,

and when it goes down,
you have to decide...

Are you gonna go to bed,
or is it party time?

Yeah, but I've lost
my parking ticket.

Right, but the parking ticket...

Is that the party,
or is that the sunset?

That's what you need
to ask yourself.

No, it's a parking ticket.

Right, but where did you park,
is the question.