05x18 - Hitting the Wrong Note

[bunniefuu]

Narrator:
Coming up, why are strange
things afoot for Joe?

Well, that went badly.

What's got q
pitching a lame game?

"Superman:
Just the Clark Kent stuff."

And which losing joker
will have to face the music

in tonight's punishment?

Sal:
Prepare for something amazing.

Q: Hey, mustache, what's up?

Murr:
I want my mommy!

Sal:
I will never forgive you!

Joe: Larry!

Murr: Today we have to sidle up
to strangers in the park

and say,
"well, that went badly."

The thing is
our ridiculous get-up

has been put together
by the other guys.

And to try to explain
what exactly went badly,

we'll have to get
the stranger to admit

they've also had a bad day
like this.

Joe: If they don't agree that
they've had that bad of a day,

you lose.

Joe:
All right, well, mama said

there'd be days like this,
buddy.

You guys
are really putting your all

into these things
these days, huh?

This is a good one.
I'm very happy with this one.

Here you go.
Here you go.

All the benches
in all the world.

Well, that went badly.

What happened?

- Ohh!
- Ohh!

Go ahead.
Now tell him.

I-i-i-i was at
the children's party,

and... and I said,
"hocus pocus,"

when I should have said,
"hocus focus."

You know what
you should never do,

is you should never do
a dove trick by a ceiling fan.

They don't teach you that
in magic school.

Silver lining, though...
The bird did disappear.

Huh.

Hocus pocus... I'm out of a job.

You've had days like this,
right?

- Ohh!
- Ohh!

Good guy.
I'll see you later.

Abra cadabra!

- Whoa!
- Whoa!

The way the "a" cuffs
your breasts is really odd.

What does the "a" stand for,
guys?

"A human piece of"

this date's about to get ruined.

Oh, yeah!

Well, that went badly.

Q: How in love
are these two?

Murr, look at them and go,
"yeah."

Yeah.

That's what I'm talking about.

That didn't go badly.
This is going badly.

Oh, you want to know
what happened?

Yeah.
I'll tell you.

Here's what happened.
It's a crazy story.

Q:
Oh, let me hear this.

I was seeing this girl.

Unbeknownst to me,

she was dating a guy
from "stomp."

"Stomp"?

He beat the hell out of me.

He grabbed the garbage can.

He grabbed a...
He grabbed somebody's shoe.

You know, they're used to using
all those things.

Thank god I was wearing
my lucky helmet.

This is my unlucky helmet.

He... he...
He stomped right through it.

Almost messed up my "a" tattoo.

He almost messed up
my "a" tattoo.

Have you guys ever had
a day like this?

You have?

- Ohh, man!
- Come on!

Boy falls in love with girl.

Girl's dating
the guy from "stomp."

Guy from "stomp" stomps the guy
who's in love with girl.

Classic love story.

Murr:
That sounds like the clip-clop
of a certain Joe gatto.

I think when you hear
the ghost of Christmas past

with the chains...

Well, that went badly.

She's just not
going to address this.

Phew.

I'm having a bad day.

I could clue you in on what
went wrong if you'd like.

You want to know
what went wrong?

No, you don't.

Have a good day.

My man.
That went badly.

Let's talk about it.
Have a seat.

It's a hell of a story.

He knows about it.

Right, man? Yeah.

Oh, you don't know?

I could tell you about it.

He goes, "no, no."
He waves him off.

My girl was going on a date
with this guy

who showed up with a Scarlet "a"
and an army helmet.

Are you the "stomp" guy that
beat the out of Murray?

I used to be in "stomp."

That's... hence the shoes.

So I just really went at him
and tried to do my best.

Guy had a mean right hook,
though.

You've had a day like this,
right?

No. No, no, no, no.

Guys, we might have outdone
ourselves on this.

The weirdness factor.

Everyone here is staring at us.

- Let's sit down.
- Let's sit down.

We told the guy any time
sal moves the handcuffs

that he has to moan.

All right, all right, all right.

Phew!

That went badly.

Another fine mess
he's gotten me into.

We have this act.

I don't know
if you recognize him.

He says...

Anyway...

It's... I don't even know
what to say.

I can't even explain to you...

I don't even...

What... what are you...?

Joe: We locked him up.
He's got no idea what to say.

What... what...

All right! All right!

I mean, you've had days
like this, right?

All: No!

Wait!

Well, that went badly
for sal and Joe,

so they're first up
on the loser board.

Today we're competing
head-to-head

as video-game developers
showing off our new concepts.

Of course, we have no idea
what the video games are

because they've been
created by the other guys.

At the end, we'll ask the group

to vote for which video game
is best.

Whoever gets the least amount
of votes loses.

- Hi, guys, how are you?
- Hello. Hi. Hello.

Joe: Have a seat.
How's it going?

What we do here is present
our ideas to video games,

and then it'll say

who's going to
the next phase of development.

All right, let's see the ideas.

So this is just
one of my ideas that I got.

I'm very proud of this one.

It's..."Superman:
Just the Clark Kent stuff."

Sal:
You're only Clark Kent.

Let's be honest.

There have been a
bunch of Superman games
already, you know?

We never have really nailed
the character.

Yeah, yeah.
You're, like...

Q: He's at the daily planet,
right?

Lunch break with Lois Lane.

You got to clean your house,
but not at super speed.

You got to get to Kansas...

It's a connecting flight...
To visit ma and pa Kent.

This is
the most boring game ever.

All right, well,
I'll get into mine, I guess.

Okay, so, here's mine.
Mine's a little different.

Look at the face.

"m*rder your family."

So, here... it really is just...

You want to...
Sometimes you're like,

"ohh, I could k*ll them,"
you know.

We think of video-game violence.

We flip it on its ear here

and give the kids the power
to m*rder their own families.

It's like you have
to build contraptions

and you have to track them.

We put it in a fun world

where you could actually
just vent and no one gets hurt.

Woman: Get a therapist
if you need it.

- There's other ways.
- Oh, there's a level

where Clark goes to
a therapist in this.

Really?
Yes!

So he needs one?
Yeah, sure,

'cause he's got
all the power of a god

and he's got to
keep it contained,

so he goes to a therapist.

Wow, q. Nice.

So, is like the last level,

like, you get to become
Superman?

'Cause that's really
what everybody wants.

No, no, last level...

You got to figure out
how to do the spit curl.

So at the end of the game,

it's like

there's also a huge
share-ability content here,

where you could actually
download the videos

of the way you m*rder*d
your families in a fun way,

and then you can
e-mail it to people.

I mean, I
need, like, excitement,

but not Charles manson.

I say take this idea
before the pta or something

and see what the parents say.

They wouldn't let us in.

Bingo.

Murr:

Anyways, take the vote, guys.

If you think that
"m*rder your family"

is the better game
between the two,

please raise your hand.

Yeah, so, who would pick

"Superman:
Just the Clark Kent stuff"?

Show of hands?

One, two, three. Yep.

Well, thank you so much.
Thank you. Thank you.

Murr:
Nicely done, "q.":

What we do... sal and I
are video-game designers.

So, we're going to show you
two of our ideas today.

So, this is a video game

I've been developing
for six years now.

"Robot dragon
n*zi sympathizer."

Okay, so, let me explain

because I know what you're
thinking right away...

"amazing."

His name is Chet.

Chet?

Sal: And he goes
from planet to planet

to bring populations together.

And then, of course,
he's also a n*zi sympathizer.

All: Yeah.

Oh, is that what
jumped out at you?

Not that he's a robot dragon?

What the game does is
it teaches empathy,

and it teaches tolerance,
basically.

Look at the levels
of understanding

between the three faces.

"Is this guy
kidding me?"

The most confused person
is Murray.

Don't get too c*ck, Murray.

Yours ain't that great, either.

So, the idea that
I've been working on is this.

- It's "suck off the chimp"!
- Hey, kids!

The chimp's name is suck off.

Okay, so,
it's suck off, the chimp.

"n*zi sympathizer" 's
not looking too bad right now.

You're the chimp in the game.

You play suck off, okay?

You've got a straw in your hand,
and you've got to run around

and suck off as many things...
Drinks... as you can.

Are there a lot of fountain-soda
machines in the jungle?

In this game, there are, yeah.

The prototype of Chet

started during world w*r ii
in Germany.

The intelligence
that he's built with

is skewed toward,
you know, to Germany.

So he's a n*zi sympathizer,
but he's not a n*zi.

He doesn't condone it,
but, you know, he doesn't...

It's not his place to say.

The chimp is actually...

He originally was freed
from a Russian lab,

and his Russian name was suckov,
like Chekhov, right?

But it isn't "suckov."

It's "suck off," right?

Okay, but you don't speak
Russian, but...

We tested my game with Nazis,
and they hated it.

And that's good.

Initial feedback...
I can answer questions.

I mean,
it reminded me of "risk."

Okay, yeah,
sure, sure, sure, sure.

What the

what is she talking about?

Chet is a good dude
who is tolerant of people.

That's the whole point.

Suck off will suck off anything.

You can suck off anything
in this game.

Who doesn't want to suck off
anything you want?

In any level of game,
everything is suck-able.

Everything can be sucked off
in this game.

Everything in this game...

Everything
can be sucked off in this game.

Joe: He's going.

You're telling me you don't
want to suck off something...

Anything you want.
Stop saying "suck off"!

You can suck off anything
you want in this game.

Let's take a vote.

Oh, my god.

Murr:
By a show of hands,

how many of you think that

the "robot dragon
n*zi sympathizer"

should be brought to market?

Now, how many of you think,
by a show of hands,

that "suck off the chimp" should
be made into a video game?

Guys!
That is three people

who want to suck off the chimp.

This guy is teaching tolerance.

He's teaching a lesson.

This guy's sucking off
anything that moves!

Narrator:
Sal and Joe got the low scores,

so they're, once more,
on the loser board.

Today we're at Langdon florist

playing a game we like to call
"stump the joker."

While helping customers,

we're gonna be going
head-to-head.

One of us will be
trying to stump the other

by making up ridiculous facts
about his life.

If you can't go with the flow
and back up the story,

you lose.

Guy, who sent me a flower?!

You... you... you...
You got that flower yourself.

Joe:
You bought it yourself.
I saw you pick it up.

Side note... it's a
joker vs. Joker challenge!

All: Hey!

Sal: On three, you say out loud
who you're betting on here.

One, two, three.

Murray.
Gatto.

Ohh!
Ohh!

Let's go, buddy boy!

I'm betting on you.

Why did I pick Murray?

All right, so, Murray's got to
trip up Joe on the details.

Joe: Hey, bud, welcome.
How are you?

Looking for anything
in particular today
or just chilling?

Oh, nice.
Like a mom piece?

"A mom piece"...

That's actually your
online handle, isn't it?

Yeah. Mom piece.

Mom piece.
Mom piece.

You know, that goes back to
when I was...

Heavy moms.
You were dating heavy moms.

Yeah. Heavy into dating
heavy moms.

You dated like three in a row...

Three heavy moms.
Yep, three heavy moms.

What were their names?

Theresa, Annabelle,
and crustacea.

Crustacea!

They lived in three
different cities, too.

It was...
three different cities.
Yeah.

Tampa, Orlando, and boca raton.

They were all down
in Florida.
All down south.

Yeah, I can name cities
and names all day.

Sal: Murray, you got to
get Joe here, man.

How'd you get
in the business again?

My parents
were floral arrangers.

Your dad is Michael dukakis,
right?

Dukakis?

Yeah.
Yeah.

Michael dukakis.
Mike dukakis.

Ran for president.
I call him dad-kakis.

And your mom is
Olympia dukakis, right?

My mom is Olivia dukakis.

Olympia.
Olivia.

Olympia.
No, that's what
they put in the papers.

It was a typo that carried over.

It was Olivia dukakis.

Your mother's name
was a typo for years?

Years. Years. Yeah.

They embraced it.
They went with it.

It's political, James.
You wouldn't understand.

I call her mom-kakis.

Murr, you're
running out of time, buddy.

Joe commutes every day
from Virginia.

Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
You're in where?

Yeah, I'm in upper Amsterdam.

Upper Amsterdam, Virginia?
What's the address?

47 upper Amsterdam Avenue,
upper Amsterdam.

You live in a house or condo?

It's a condo.
How many bedrooms?

Two-bedroom condo.
Oh, yeah?
Two bedrooms?

You've been. You've been.

Who was your contractor?
My contractor?

You know, frank armadillo.

You had that special thing
done on the roof.

What was it?
I put shingles on it.

What kind of pool
did you put in the backyard?

I put an above-the-ground
pool... six foot.

What was the model of the pool?

The pl6-2000.
Oh, yeah, that...

What magazine had
that big article on it?

I read about that
in "home & garden," yeah.

Nice, big article
about pl6-2000.

What's your favorite TV show?
"Impractical jokers."

Sal: "Impractical jokers"!

Q: Joey crumbled!

You got him!

He got him!

Man, he couldn't do it.
He couldn't hang.

Wow!

Whoa!

Narrator:
Joe couldn't roll with it,
so he's tonight's big loser.

So, Joe is our loser today.

And, buddy, there's an event
going on in the park.

It's a beautiful day
for an event.

Sit in the audience.

When they call your name,

you'll know what to do.
Got it.

Don't get c*ck.
Don't get c*ck.

Sal:
So, our Columbus park,

which is a heavily populated
mandarin community...

And today is an annual
spring festival they're having.

We've hijacked part of it

to put on
a fake memorial service

for a fake musician prodigy.

Wait a second.
Does Joe speak mandarin?

No.
Not at all.

Oh, it's gonna be a tough day

'cause everything here
is spoken in mandarin.

That's right.

Sal:

All the audience
speaks mandarin.

They think this is totally real.

This isn't English.

Keep listening, bud.

Woman:

Joe gatto...
That's me.

Does that mean "stand up"?

Thank you, guys.

Why don't you go up there?
Go up there.

Head on up, Joe.

Okay, yes, of course.

All right, bud,
you just do what you think

is being asked of you.

That's me, Joe gatto.

Sal: And there is
our fake dead prodigy.

Murr: This is so awkward.

Joe gatto. Yes.

Say some words?

You got to figure out
what you have to do up there.

Thank you.

Thank you, yes.

He obviously thinks we
introduced him as a musician.

Yes, of course.

Without a doubt,
he's thinking right now

that he was introduced
as someone

who was supposed to know
how to play horns.

Meanwhile, he has no idea

the whole time
he's disgracing everyone here.

All right, I just got to play
till I get the right one.

Done the best.

He's got a slide whistle.

Crowd's not feeling it.

Q: Look at how
she's going after him.

I'm not catching what
you're throwing down, sister.

Sal: Go tuba. Go tuba.

What?!

Get into it, guys.

I'm not sure what I have to do.

Oh this.

I don't know the tuba.

Joe, lean over the front

and look at the photos
that are hanging.

Woman:

That's Tommy chen.

It's memorial service
for that boy.

Those are his instruments that
were supposed to go to a museum

and never be touched again.

Oh, god.

She's been
forbidding you to play them

because you've been
dishonoring this boy's family

and their whole community
the whole time.

Oh, my god.

Joe:
All right, I'm gonna go now.

Woman:

Guys, the whole park
is staring at me

like they're gonna k*ll me.

Let's get the hell out of here.