04x26 - Doomed

[bunniefuu]

Coming up, why is sal going

a cappella?

♪ 'cause I'm the tailor

is murr doomed to repeat

himself?

Bud. Hey, bud.

Bud. Bud.

And which joker will take a

pounding in tonight's

punishment?

Aaaah!

Prepare for something

amazing.

Hey, mustache. What's up?

I want my mommy!

I will never forgive you!

Larry!

Today, we're working

as tailors at

beyond bespoke tailor shop.

While doing our thing, we'll

have to do and say what the

other guys tell us.

If you refuse to do or say

what you are told, you will

lose.

Sal.

Hide behind that mirror.

Okay, ready, sal? Ready?

Not yet. And...

Throw your arms out.

Hey! I'm the tailor.

You scared the out of

him!

Put your arm through his legs

to shake his hand.

How you doing? I'm sal.

Nice to meet you.

Hi, sal.

Sal, say, "I hate your

quads."

Oh, I-I hate your quads.

I hate your quads.

Yeah. I hate them.

They're great quads. Yeah.

"My quads? Wah-wah."

My quads. Wah-wah.

"Your quads? Va-va-voom!"

Your quads?

Va-va-voom!

Pleasure to meet you, bud.

How's everything?

Sal, lighten the mood a

little bit by singing softly in

his ear while you take his

measurements.

♪ Quadray likes it snug

♪ snug like a bug in a rug

♪ 'cause I'm the tailor

♪ 'cause I'm the tailor

"you must like banquets,

'cause there's a lot of ball

room here."

You...

You, uh...

You must like banquets, 'cause

there's a lot of ball room in

here.

Here we go, here we go.

Sir, how are you?

James. Nice to meet you.

Murr, I don't care how you do

it.

You find a way to spank this guy

professionally.

God. The problem... the

problem with the...

These pants are pretty snug,

okay?

You don't see it up here, but

where you really see it...

You're really gonna see it, you

know... right there.

A nice spank.

All right, you did it, buddy.

Okay, so, I'm gonna do



"Ah. I just remembered."

I just remembered.

"I forgot to call back my

filthy-hot mother."

I forgot to call back my

filthy-hot mother.

She's gonna be pissed.

What about the buttons?

It feels good here?

Does it feel too tight?

No. It feels good.

Murr, stick your head through

his legs and talk up to him.

Uh... let me see.

Watch. Spread 'em a little bit.

Let me take a look.

Is this for an event coming up

or...

Talk about anything but

tailoring now.

But, basically, on the

West Side highway the other day,

so nice, man.

So nice.

I started looking at property in

Brooklyn.

You know, expensive as hell, but

that park slope is lovely.

Okay. It looks good, bud.

It looks great on you.

"I'll tell you one thing."

I'll tell you one thing.

As soon as I get home, i'm

blogging about these ankles.

I'll tell you one thing.

As soon as I get home, i'm

blogging about your ankles.

Don't move. Stand there, murr.

Good job, murr.

How you feel today, buddy?

Tired.

I drank too much last night.

I mean, other than that, it

seems like you have your stuff

together.

Q, help the first customer

out like that.

Oh, god.

"I had two four lokos."

I had two four lokos.

That's like eight lokos.

I'm the tailor.

Uh-oh.

I'll be right with you.

Q, you can't read the

measuring tape.

Man, where is the 7 on this

thing?

God, where is the number 7?

I appreciate...

It is basically my first day

doing it.

I might be good at comedy.

Shirt's too big.

Yeah, it's a little loose.

"Have you ever thought of

buying a shirt that fits you?"

Have you ever just thought

of, like, just, like, buying

shirts that are a little bit

more...

Yeah.

That fit you?

Yeah.

"So, what are you gonna do?

Tuck this in and wear it out or

something?"

So, what are you gonna do?

Tuck this in and wear it out or

something like that?

Yeah.

"What? Are you wearing a

suit, like, for clothing,

right?"

So, you're gonna wear this

for, like, clothing.

All right.

"And you're gonna wear this

with pants then."

Okay. But you're definitely

gonna wear this... With... with

pants then.

"You know, shorts are shorter

than pants."

Shorts are shorter than

pants.

"That's why they call them

shorts."

That's why they call them

shorts.

"Yeah, you got to short...

Everything's got to get

shortened."

Everything's got to get

shortened.

"So, we got to make this a

belly shirt then, basically."

Yeah, q, grab the bottom and

pull it up like a belly shirt.

Okay, tell me when to stop.

Tell me when you like the

length.

Too high, right?

Yeah.

What size do you normally

wear?

I usually am like a 40 or a



Joe, the measuring tape

you like where it sits on the

waist?

Joe, the measuring tape

doesn't seem long enough, does

it, bud?

Behind the couch, there's

another measuring tape that

might be better.

Let me... let me get...

What is that?

And if I just get you to turn

sideways there.

And then just... and come back.

There you go.

Put your arms straight out.

Yeah, let's just get that.

Put your arms down and just

turn.

All the way. Yep, keep going.

There you go. That's great.

So I can see it in the reverse

in the mirror.

Oh, I got you.

Got it. Yeah.

Mother

got it.

Yeah. No, they got to get that.

Hey, man. Joe.

Frank, good to see you, bud.

Keep trying to fit him for a

sword holster.

All right.

Where'd you want the sword to

sit?

Did you want it to sit on the

hip side or did you want it,

like, an over-the-back sheath?

So you want to do it hip side.

Yes.

And it is a broadsword or is

it, like, a cavalry sword?

Like, or is it...

For the sword sheath.

Does the guy not understand

the words that Joe's saying?

And then about how far do you

want it to come down, the sword?

So, you're looking at a 24-inch

sheath.

Okay.

What is going on?!

What's going on is... he's

being fitted for a sword

holster.

Okay. Do you want the sword

on the left or on the right

side?

So you want a right... oh,

you're a... so you're a lefty.

So when you unsheathe the

sword... you're gonna come out

the right side.

Okay. Great.

So, it's a physical sword that

you'll have on your hip that

you're gonna pull out, yeah.

How would your stance be when

you take out the sword?

And then... Right.

Okay. Yeah.

Oh, my god!

What is going on?!

Unbelievable.

The guys all threaded the

needle, so no one's on the loser

board.

Today, we are on the streets,

trying to borrow people's phones

so we can make a call.

But we don't know who we're

calling, why we're calling, or

where our phone is.

Those details will be given

to us by the other guys.

If you can't some wack-a-doo

to give you their phone, you

lose.

Excuse me, sir.

Do you know if there's pay

phones in this area?

"I got to call my boy,

blarf."

I got to call my boy, blarf.

"I ate his hat."

I ate his hat.

I ate his hat.

You ate his hat.

Yeah, yeah.

I normally have my own phone.

My phone is...

"My phone is crammed in a fat

fold."

crammed in a fat fold, and

I can't get to it right now.

Okay, yeah.

Thank you so much, sir.

Thank you so much.

Wow!

Blarf? I, uh...

I ate your hat.

No, I know.

This is not my phone.

A gentleman let me borrow his

phone.

Yeah. No, I crammed it...

I crammed it...

I crammed my phone into a fat

fold.

Thanks.

I got to get out of here.

I'm gonna get out a

fedora later.

Hey, guys.

Question for you because you

look like fun people.

Oh, yeah.

"I got to call my gumad."

I got to call my gumad and I

got to let them know...

"My pants are sore."

that my pants are sore."

Your pants are sore?

Yes.

Do you know what a gumad is?

Gumad is, like, when you have a

wife, but then you have another

lady.

Don't judge me, but I have one.

Okay.

I have two.

Whoa!

But only one of them cares

that my pants are sore.

Okay.

Thank you so much.

Oh-h*-h*!

Wow!

Hey, gumad.

No, I'm with three nice girls

with red noses.

No, no.

They're not my... she thinks

you're my three other gumads.

Oh, no, no, no, no!

All right, clowns.

Don't call me "mustache."

Here we go.

Fall into this laundry cart

right now.

Fall into the laundry cart right

now.

Now.

What the are you guys

doing?

Oh, my god.

I can't get out.

Could you pull me?

Oh, my god.

You didn't see me stand... watch

where you're going!

Is that a phone or a walkman?

Phone.

A phone.

I was wondering... I have to

call...

"My mom's make-out buddy."

my mom's make-out buddy.

I don't call it a boyfriend, you

know, 'cause of my mom.

"I'm calling for a little

phone hanky-panky."

I'm trying to get a little

phone hanky-panky.

"I left my phone in my wife's

boyfriend's place."

I usually use my phone, but I

left my phone at my wife's

boyfriend's place.

So it's a whole thing.

I got to just borrow it real

quick.

Look at this!

He's got it.

And now my favorite part is...

Joe has to talk some

hanky-panky.

Hey. It's Joe.

What are you wearing?

"Touch it."

Touch it.

"Touch it again."

Just touch it.

Are you touching it?

No, I can't.

I'm out in public.

All right, I'll touch it.

I appreciate it, bro.

Have a good day, man.

This is Murray's loaf of

bread.

Just for him every time.

This is just for him.

He only does this one loaf of

bread for him.

Oh! Oh!

Ohhhh!

So, Murray always orders a

loaf of bread just for him.

I disapprove of what you did,

but I still find it funny.

All right, here we go.

Excuse me, hon.

I left my cellphone... can I

borrow your phone for one sec to

make a phone call?

Is... is... is... is... is...

Is... can I just... you see, my

phone... my phone is just... I

got to call... it's gonna be so

funny.

It's gonna be so funny when I

tell you.

I just have to bother you for

one second.

I got to... it's gonna... I'll

tell you... here's who I have to

call.

Stop harassing this woman,

Murray.

Aah!

Bud. Bud. Bud.

Bud. Bud. Bud. Bud.

Hey, bud. Bud.

Bud. Bud. Bud.

Hey, bud.

Nobody's stopping for me.

You have to establish, like,

a common ground.

Oh, okay.

Like, make a connection with

them.

Something we have in common.

Yes.

Got it, got it.

I got to get some white people

stat.

Excuse me. Buddy. You're white.

Can I borrow your cellphone?

No?

Excuse me. Ma'am?

Do you have a cell... I lost my

cellphone.

I got to make a quick phone

call.

"I got to call

chan Francisco."

I got to call chan Francisco.

You don't have a phone?

Darn it. Gosh.

I got to call some... ugh.

Have a great day, okay?

Can I borrow your hat?

Can I borrow the hat?

No, no.

No, no.

That is the sweetest woman in

the world.

Looking for a friendly face.

Q, I got to tell you... I

like the summer-scarf look.

You put the American-flag thing

on the shirt now.

Looks nice.

Thank you, buddy.

Thank you.

Don't talk with a mouthful of

bread.

All right, don't.

I'm just looking out for you.

Just enjoying some bread,

man.

Say, you guys, I have to

call...

"Yeah, I got to call the hit

off."

Um... yeah, I got to call that

hit off.

"I left my phone at



And I left... I left my phone

at 69 boink street.

Do you guys have a phone I could

borrow to call...

you're not gonna run away

with my phone.

I am not gonna run away with

your phone.

How about this? How about this?

You hold my cellphone and my

watch.

I borrow your cellphone.

Wait. Why can't you use your

cellphone?

I'm calling a hit off.

You think I want to use my

phone?

Cops will be on me like white on

rice.

Nando!

Don't do it.

What do you mean you did it?

What do you mean you did it?

No, this isn't my number.

My phone's over at



Have them trace this number.

All right, we're all set.

Alibi's rock-solid.

Thank you, guys, so much.

You guys want to go get some

froyo?

Emergency call for loser

James Murray.

It's time for your punishment.

Well, murr's our loser, and,

buddy, your punishment starts

three months from today.

That's right. That's right.

Wait.

My punishment is not today.

No, it's not today.

It happens in three months

from now?

Yes.

Say, murr, you're a hairy

fella, right?

How often do you shave that

chest?

Every week.

Let's get a look at this.

Come on.

What are you

doing?

Give me the cups.

Wait, wait, wait.

What are you...

Your punishment is...

Continue shaving every week,

except you're not allowed to

shave anything inside these

circles for three months.

Are you serious?

Here we go!

The day that Murray's chest has

been waiting for is here.

All right, here we go.

You're not gonna need that.

Oh, I can't wait to see this.

Bam!

Oh, god!

Oh, my god!

It looks so disgusting.

I liked that shirt.

We'll take that.

I feel like this is wrong.

What do I do now?

What do I do?

Basically, you're just gonna

have to walk around where we

tell you and show off the goods.

Let's do it.

I feel like you're gonna get

arrested.

You guys from around here?

Yeah.

"I'm out here working on my

tan."

I'm out working on my tan.

So, we got a little surprise

for Murray today.

It's not exactly what he thinks

it is.

How would you describe it?

Amazing.

We've been having him shave

his chest for months, thinking

his punishment has to do with

that, and we are about to change

the game.

Oh...

What the...

♪

What the is this?

It's a Murray flash mob!

Yes!

Hey, don't touch my n*pples.

Here we go, sal!

Go get him, sal!

Come on. Let's go!

Whoo!

I didn't even know who these

people are.

I've never seen these people.

You ready?!

Let's go!

♪

Whoo! Skydiving time, baby.

Skydiving, baby.

Listen to the scream.

It was harder than you think.

He's defending himself with

n*pples... with hairy n*pples.

Oh. Oh.

All: Ohhh!

It's getting serious out

here.

What's happening?

What is happening?

What's this, Murray?

Oh, my god.

Remember what you did to my

sister?

What the

why are they following me?

I'm not going on this thing,

whatever the this is.

Oh, my god. Holy

this has nothing to do with

my n*pples.

We just wanted to ruin your

summer.

I haven't had sex since may.

Is that a fire pit?

What the is going on?

Is that a fire pit?

Hey, murr, what's your

favorite "Indiana Jones" movie?

"Temple of doom."

And who's the villain in

"temple of doom"?

What's your problem, jerk?

All: Ohhh!

Look at that sexy fella.

That's my blankie.

That's me and my blankie.

Oh, my god. I'm scared.

Oh just got real!

That's probably not good.

All: Ohhh!

It better not be my

blankie in there.

That's not even funny.

I still sleep with it.

We know.

All: Ohhh!

You better not have snuck

into my apartment and... I swear

to god.

This might be crossing the

line.

No, no, no, no, no!

No, no, no, no.

This.

This.

The blankie!

Don't burn it.

Don't burn it, a*s

no! Don't burn it.

I still sleep with that!

That's my blanket.

All: Suck it!

This whole thing was just to

burn my blanket?

That's what we're doing?

This whole thing?

You know we love you, right?

Wasn't your blankie.

It wasn't your blankie!

Good.

Oh, my god!

You burned his blanket!

What's wrong with you?!

Oh, my god!

Oh, my god!

Joe, that was his blanket!

Oh, my god.