04x10 - Joke & Dagger

[bunniefuu]

Narrator: Coming up, why is

sal having an art attack?

Oh... my... god!!

Narrator: What's got Joe

dissing her kissing?

You come across as the type

of person who kisses with their

eyes wide open.

Narrator: And which joker is

in "wheel" trouble in tonight's

punishment?

Prepare for something

amazing.

Hey, mustache, what's up?

I want my mommy!

I will never forgive you!

Larry!

Today we'll be joining fellow

art aficionados at the grand

opening of a trendy

New York City art gallery.

As we're waxing poetic about

the art, we've got to do and say

what the other guys tell us.

If you refuse to do or say

anything while being all fancy,

you lose.

You know what they say... art

is in the beholder of the eye.

They say that.

You guys ever been to an art

show... like, an art gallery?

I've been to many, many, many

art-gallery openings, exhibits,

all that stuff.

What are you talking about?

Yeah! Yeah, yeah.

You call me the next art show

you go to.

I'm supposed to go to one in

like two weeks.

I'll meet you there.

I want to go now, too.

I only have a plus-one.

For real, I only have a

plus-one.

Can I be your plus-one?

He's coming.

I don't want to go.

He doesn't want to go.

Can I be your plus-one?

If I go.

Joe, marvel at how they hung

that painting.

Wow.

I-I can't believe how they hung

that painting.

No, I've never seen anything

like the way they've hung it.

What, did they put that up

against drywall?

Y-You're baffled!

What is this hanging

technology?

That's amazing.

I've never seen anything hung

like that.

Joe, can you knock the

painting off the wall?

Joe, just start emitting

sounds... just, like, noises.

There you go.

Keep going. Keep going.

Joe, you're like a dinosaur

being hatched.

[ Squawks,

[ imitates expl*si*n ]

The whole place is looking at

you like you're a jackass!

You see this guy?

He's hogging all the good spots.

This guy right here is a real

art hog.

What a jerk.

Q, politely tell people to

move 'cause they're hogging up

all the good viewing spots.

Excuse me.

You guys are, um... you guys are

hogging all the good viewing

spots.

Is it too mu... yeah, I just want

to view.

I'll definitely get out of

here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm just... I'm trying to view.

You guys are taking up all the

good viewing spots.

I don't know.

I'm only able to see now because

you guys were really hogging up

the spots.

Oh, no, no. It's quite fine.

It's quite fine.

"You'd be surprised how often

people are inconsiderate."

You'd... you'd... you'd be

surprised how often people are

just... inconsiderate art hogs.

Yes. Yes.

Ohh!

Ohh!

Spoken like a real art hog.

Well, I'm gonna go check out

some other art.

It was very nice meeting you

guys.

Q, go up to people and just

real quietly ask to borrow $5.

It's so inappropriate in this

setting.

Excuse me.

Um... do you, um...

here it comes.

Here it comes.

Do you, um...

Do you have $5?

$5. Do you have $5?

No, I just... you don't have

5 bucks on you?

All: Awww!

Do it!

Okay. Yeah.

If it's 5 bucks...

I'll take your credit card.

Yeah, definitely.

Oh, my god. This is great.

Both: Oh, my god!

Oh, my god!

He met the nicest guy in the

world!

Are you sure?

I'm gonna go right up there,

scan it, quick 500 bucks.

I'll be right back.

I don't even know what to

say!

Look at him.

He's drunk on chardonnay.

He's making bad decisions.

All right.

So, sal's ready to go.

We made a couple finishing

touches before he went.

Yeah, a little, you know,

change to his look.

We wanted him to look more like

an artist.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

You ready to go, buddy?

You look like fat

criss angel!

You're such a deep artist.

Let everyone know how deep you

are.

Oh, my

god.

The painting of this beach...

For me, it's like the beach, and

then there's, like, the land,

the sand, and the sky, and it's

the three elements of the

universe coming together.

Whoa.

Okay. That's a little deep.

I can see that.

Come on down.

We'll wipe your face off.

Sal, just keep telling people

that you can buy any painting in

this place.

Open your wallet.

Show your money.

Be arrogant about it.

[ Vivaldi's "four seasons"

[ plays ]

Keep fanning yourself with

the money.

Any piece I want.

All of them that I can

afford, which is all of them.

It's so weird, though, how

when you talk about art, your

voice changes really funny.

Oh, yeah? Like what?

Like this!

This is such good art!

Go discuss art

to people with that voice.

So... much... orange!

Specks of white all about!!

Dark, light, dark!

Really something else!

More.

There's more to say, bud.

Keep going on and on.

You ever go to the

guggenheim?

Oh... my... god!!!

Start just naming artists

randomly.

Monet! Manet!

Yeah.

Yeah.

Michelangelo!

Yeah.

Sistine chapel!!

Whoo!

Sick art!

How are you?

I like this one a lot, actually.

Murr, say,

"oops, I just farted," and then

catch it and throw it.

Ay, ay, ay!

Oops. I just farted.

Hold on.

Oh. Ay, ay.

You missed it.

She just threw it, too!

I mean, he throws an

imaginary fart.

Her reaction is, "let me grab

the fart and throw it back"?

Oh, my gosh.

I love this jacket.

Murr, is that Greg from

nursery school?

We've met.

No.

Yes!

Nursery school... Greg!

I mean, it's uncanny.

You have a doppelganger.

"Yeah. Greg was in to all

that art garbage, too."

Yeah.

Nursery school?

Greg... Greg was in to all

that art garbage, too.

"You still fingerpainting?"

You still fingerpaint?

I'll see you over at the bar.

Murr, shadow this guy.

This guy... he's analyzing art.

He's zoned in.

How long before he notices that

Murray's copying him?

Sal, go shadow him.

Go stand behind him and start

doing it.

Two people... two people

tailing this guy.

Here we go. Here we go.

Whoever gets caught first

loses!

Oh, it's amazing! It's amazing!

Oh, is that right?

I saw that.

Every time you went to your

phone, he went to his phone.

Every time you'd look right or

left, he did it.

Every time I went to my

phone, he went to his phone.

No. I feel like you were told

to do it, you were trying your

best, but, in the end, you

couldn't do it.

Sal wins! Sal wins!

Ohh!

Narrator: Murr painted

himself into a corner, so he's

"Van goghing" to the loser

board.

Today we're at fairway

market, and we've got to

approach strangers and say to

them, "you are the type of

person that..."

And the "type of person" they

are will be given to us by the

other guys.

If you can't get the person

to agree that they're "that type

of person," you lose.

I guess I'm the type of

person without a line.

Over/under that his tooth falls

out.

Got it.

That was a piece of beef.

Did you eat beef today?

No.

I had chicken.

You just... you just located

and extracted an old piece of

beef...

It's been k*lling me for like

two days.

From your mouth?

Yeah. It's been stuck.

I tried. I couldn't get it.

You guys get a lot of meat,

huh?

You guys... you guys... you look

like the type of guys...

Who should have a nickname

like "beaves" or "tickles."

who should have the

nickname...

"Beaves" and "tickles."

Absolutely.

Ohhh!

Yeah!

Excuse me.

Is this the only way that pork

tenderloin comes... just like

this?

Oh, that's it?

Thank you so much.

You're very friendly. Thank you.

You know what?

You look like the type of person

who...

who would throw a bar mitzvah

for a gentile.

Who would throw a bar mitzvah

for a gentile.

You've done it?!

You've actually done it?!

My mind is blown!

She is exactly that type of

person!

She's actually done it.

You can't get more accurate.

She didn't even agree that she

should be.

Both: She is!

Well, you know how to read

'em, bud.

Problems with your knee?

Achilles?

Achilles is a tough one.

Yeah.

Yeah. You look like the kind

of guy that, um...

breathes through his mouth

during a bath.

That... that... that...

That... that breathes through

his mouth during a bath.

What do you mean?

You know, there's a type of

people that, you know, when they

take a bath, they just relax and

they breathe through their nose

and calm down.

You look like, uh, you know, a

mouth breather when you bathe.

Would you agree that you're that

type of person?

No.

Oh, here. Here we go.

Sir. Sir, sir, sir, sir, sir.

You're the type of guy...

Who has three n*pples but

only uses one.

Look at his face!

Totally in awe.

Ma'am...

You're the type of girl...

Who has three n*pples but

only uses one.

Sir, I got to tell you, you're

the type of guy...

'scuse me! 'Scuse me!

Who has three n*pples but only

uses one.

Look at the look on his face!

He has no idea!

Come on, guys.

All right.

You got one more shot, buddy.

Fine.

Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine.

Ma'am, I got to tell you, you

are the type of woman...

Who has a regular amount of

n*pples.

Bye-bye!

Here we go.

Man.

The pork baby ribs versus the

big spare rib... you got

thoughts on that?

I mean, I always like coming

here 'cause of the selections.

Me, too.

Yeah.

That's why you can't beat it.

Yep.

You know, you... you come

across as the type of person...

Who kisses with their eyes

wide open.

Who kisses with their eyes

wide open.

You, like, got that confidence.

That's great.

So, you're that type of person?

I was right?

Yeah?

Oh-h*!

Well, you enjoy your day.

I'm gonna go with these ribs.

They do the creamed spinach

right in the thing now...

Peter luger.

Oh. Look at that.

They do it right in there.

You're very nice.

You seem like the type of gal

that, uh...

Got married for the baby.

Oh, my god!

Go... uh...

Got the bananas on sale.

Ha!

Just looking over here, this

looks good.

You know, you're the type of guy

that, uh...

That eats grapes right out of

the bag before he pays for them.

Y...

you know, you look like the

type of guy that eats grapes out

of the bag before you pay for

them.

He has to agree.

I mean, does he?

He's doing it.

Right? Wouldn't you agree?

All: Ahhh!

Are you getting ground lamb?

I am.

I was gonna get it, and I

was, like, a little iffy.

I didn't know...

Okay.

So, I will trust you, then.

How do you prepare it?

I don't. You're right.

I don't know you, but you seem

like the type of person that...

Gets their panties in a bunch

when they can't get their hard

candies.

You seem like the type of lady

who... gets her panties in a

bunch if she doesn't get her

hard candies.

You know what I mean?

Most people don't.

It's my own little...

I don't know.

I have my own language, I think.

Okay. Thank you.

Both: So...

So, would you agree with me,

though... you think you're that

type of a person?

Oh, that was great.

Narrator: Murr's the type of

person who loses, so it's time

for his punishment.

Aaaaaaaaah!

We are here at coney island

for murr's punishment!

You're our loser, pal, but all

you got to do today is just

watch and enjoy the show.

That's right.

Go in there, be part of the

audience, and when they ask for

a volunteer... That's you!

What's the show?

Just go in and watch.

What's the show?

Oh, it's a great show.

You're gonna love it.

We are at the world-famous

coney island freak show.

It's been here for years and

years.

It's an institution.

Enjoy the show, bud.

Ladies and gentlemen, boys

and girls, welcome to the

coney island circus sideshow.

Oh, boy!

Ohh!

You think you could do that,

murr?

Oh, my god. Oh, my god.

Oh, my god!

Oh, my god!

Oh, my lord!

Oh, my god.

Oh, my god.

What is she doing?!

Holy!

Bravo!

Bravo!

Wow!

One more surprise.

The most difficult thing for a

knife thrower is breaking

balloons, so I've set up this

special stunt tonight that i'm

about to try for the very first

time.

It's the wheel of doom...

Oh, my god.

And for that, I need a

volunteer.

Ohh!

That's you, buddy!

Some brave soul?

That's you, buddy!

It's a punishment!

You get up and you do it!

I can't do this.

What's the thing about

punishments?

You can't say no.

Yeah, you can't refuse a

punishment.

We said if you refuse a

punishment...

You're off the show.

This guy right here.

Come on up.

What... what do I got to do?

We're gonna have a little

stunt go on right back here...

Okay.

And it's known as the

wheel of doom.

Yeah, I've heard of the wheel

of doom.

May I see the wheel, please?

Wheel...

Together: Of... Doom!

It's a real wheel of doom!

Step back up on that...

On that platform.

Oh, my god.

Together: Yes!

It's a wheel of doom!

Ohh. Oh, my god.

Now what? This is...

What, are you kidding me?

This is... no way!

I won't do it, man!

No way! This is insane!

Get on it!

You get on it!

Both: No, you get on it!

This is not sturdy at all.

Holy

what are you doing here?

What murr doesn't actually

know is that no knives are gonna

be thrown at him.

See, we've rigged those balloons

to explode on their own.

Holy

oh, my god!

Whoa! I'm gonna die!

Ohh! Ohh! Oh, my god!

Holy

Oh, my god!

Oh, my god!

Aah! It's burning!

Holy

holy

oh, get me off!

Oh

Holy

you get the away

from me!

Oh, my god!

Murr, murr.

There were no knives, you idiot!

They were just popping

balloons!

You didn't throw a single

knife at me?!

Oh

Oh, my god.

That was amazing!

Get over here. Get over here.

I love ya!