04x06 - The Blunder Years

[bunniefuu]

Narrator: Coming up...

Sal in hot water?

What's got Joe and murr so in

synch?

Boomerangs... you throw it,

and then you catch it back,

yeah.

Narrator: And why will murr

be forced to cop a squat in

front of his celebrity crush?

Prepare for something

amazing.

Hey, mustache, what's up?

I want my mommy!

I will never forgive you!

Larry!

Today, we're playing a game

called "did I deserve that?"

While working the counter,

the other guys will send in a

"customer" to angrily confront

us.

What did we do wrong?

We're gonna find out.

And no matter how bad it is,

we've got to defend it.

If you can't get the

onlookers to agree that you

didn't deserve it, you lose.

You deserved it.

How's it going?

Good.

You guys don't have the fresh

chocolate syrup?

No, no.

Yeah. This is good, though.

Let's send in the angry

customer.

And did you need anything

else or no?

No, that's it, and the

receipt, please.

That was it.

You're a total douchebag.

Look at her face!

"I kept putting mosquitos in

his house."

I kept putting mosquitos in

his house.

He always leaves his window

open, so I was teaching him a

lesson.

And there was no... there was no

screen on it, so I put mosquitos

in so maybe he'd get the idea to

get a screen.

I put like thousands of

mosquitos in his house, and I

thought he'd get the hint.

I mean, do you think I deserved

that?

No.

No, she clearly does.

So, just the chocolate sauce?

Yeah.

Hello. How are you?

I'll take an aleve.

You need an aleve?

I need an aleve.

Sure.

Send in the actor.

We've got the Tylenol, we've got

advil, motrin...

Uh, let me see what else we

might have.

Ah!

You son of a b*tch!

Oh, my god!

Whoa!

What was that?

I eBay'd her prosthetic

ankle.

I eBay'd her prosthetic

ankle.

She's a friend of mine.

She's got a prosthetic ankle,

but she's got a spare one.

So I put it up on eBay, and I

tried to sell it.

I think the issue was, I just

thought it was just an extra

prosthetic ankle that she had in

a drawer.

It was her left ankle... her

left prosthetic ankle.

I thought she only had a right

prosthetic ankle.

I didn't realize that she needed

them both.

Oh, well.

You don't have aleve, then?

But did I deserve that?

No.

She could've just told you.

Oh!

$100 cash if you run your

fingers through his chest hair.

This is not the bit.

100 bucks cash?

Cash.

I would do that.

This is...

you got the...

I have a hairy chest, too.

I got... I trim mine, though.

You let yours grow out.

Look at that.

It grows out.

Yeah.

Oh, my god.

Oh!

Yeah.

Grows out.

Mine doesn't. I shave mine.

You see?

Yours, you go right in.

Anyways, thanks so much.

See, I'm about to get $100.

I just got 100 bucks, cash.

I actually feel a little

nauseous about what I just saw.

I'm still surprised every day

with this show.

Hi. How are you?

Good. Thank you.

Did you get everything you were

looking for today?

Okay, great.

Here you go.

Okay, great.

And this, too.

Whoo!

Oh, my god.

I mean, I know why he did it.

"Three words."

Three words.

"Sweatpants, b*ner, and

Thanksgiving, not in that

order."

Sweatpants...

Sweatpants, b*ner, Thanksgiving,

not in that order.

He... I went over to his

house for Thanksgiving.

He's my neighbor.

I didn't know it was a formal

event, so I wore sweatpants.

Everyone else was in khakis and

dresses.

He was clearly upset about it,

and the whole night, he was

uncomfortable with me wearing

sweatpants, sweatpants,

sweatpants.

And then the b*ner, too.

So...

I mean, I didn't... did I

deserve that?

You have no idea. Okay.

No, no, no!

Yes!

Yes!

You deserve it!

How you doing?

How's everything, bud?

Good? All right.

Here we go.

Send in the angry customer.

Get you some napkins.

Whoa!

Don't ever do that again.

"I texted all his friends he

hates Mexico."

You know what it is?

I stole his cellphone, and I

texted all of his friends that

he hates Mexico.

No one really thinks he hates

Mexico.

Like three people answered and

were like, "what?"

Other than that...

"Wait. How do you spell

Mexico?"

How do you spell Mexico?

"M-e-x..."

"i-c-a-n-s."

M-e-x-i-c-a-n-s.

Oh, I said "Mexicans."

O-o-o-o-o-oh.

But I didn't deserve that,

right?

Oh!

He didn't deserve it.

I didn't deserve that.

Nobody deserves that.

Mexicos, Mexicans, what have

you.

That and that.

That and that.

Okay. $3.49...

Here we go.

Go ahead. Send him in.

You know what?

I'm actually just working on,

like, my first, uh...

Wait. Where'd he go?!

Oh, my god!

He threw it at the wrong guy!

You! I knew it was the guy

with the mustache!

I can't believe this!

He stormed in!

You threw it at the wrong

guy!

You threw the water at the wrong

guy!

I realize that.

What do you want me to do about

it?

Look at him, look at him!

He's soaking wet!

What does this mean for my

turn?

I think it means you win.

You clearly didn't deserve

it.

Narrator: Murr's all wet with

nowhere to go but the loser

board.

Today, we're teaming up at

the elegant bridal productions

wedding expo.

While helping couples plan

for their big day, we'll have to

do and say whatever the other

guys tell us.

And if you refuse, i'm

leaving you, and I'm taking the

dog, too!

Here you go, buddy.

Here is to many more

successful years at

wedlock and key.

Yes, sir.

Q, when you were engaged a

long time ago...

Yeah.

Did you go through this

whole thing of wedding planners,

looking at flowers... Caterers?

Every part of a wedding is a

scam.

Every part.

That's what I'm saying.

Oh, hey.

What's going on, brides?

How are you doing?

Yeah, I'm going through a tough

time right now.

Hi. Hello.

Hi. How's everything?

We do. We do everything.

Whisper in q's ear and start

giggling.

So, what we like to do is

work with you from the ground

up.

Q, reverse it... whisper in

sal's ear and giggle.

But we wouldn't have, like, a

stock photo of different...

one more giggle, guys.

That's what I'm saying.

We like to find out what you

like, and then...

Thank you.

Bye. Thank you.

Guys, just say "no, thanks."

Uh, no, thanks.

Huh?

No, thanks.

Oh, wow.

Look at them!

Oh, my god.

That's so awkward.

Look at his skin crawling!

Oh, my god!

Oh, wow.

Hello, guys.

How are you today?

We go from "a" to "z."

Guys, make sure they

understand that you don't

provide sour cream at the

weddings.

We can do floral

arrangements, deejays, bands, we

help with catering.

We do not provide sour cream.

That's something we're adamant

about.

But, uh...

I don't think she understood

about the sour cream.

We help plan honeymoons,

theme weddings, engagement

parties, everything.

We have to stress...

Yeah, there's...

No sour cream.

"We like to have fun here."

We like to have fun here.

"For instance, we call it the

bridal farty."

For instance...

We call it, in all our

literature...

The bridal farty.

Wow.

Are your dates close

together?

You guys are both brides,

huh?

Oh.

No, that's... that's good.

That's it?

Yeah.

Thanks.

Murr, I don't want to throw

you off, but I don't think that

suit's gonna age well.

I think in 10 years, you're

gonna look back and be like,

"why did I wear this?"

I wanted a little pizzazz.

You look like a white

Steve Harvey.

Show me pizzazz!

Hi, guys. How are you?

How are you?

Hi.

Guys, your arms must move

identical to each other, no

matter what you do.

When is your wedding?

Oh, 10/10.

That's great.

That's great.

Yeah, that's a good date.

In case you're interested, we

also do a lot of exotic things.

Destination weddings.

You know, if you want to travel,

fly somewhere...

We actually just did a

wedding where we did some exotic

animals, and we brought in a

herd of zebra.

And they came in.

Yeah, it was great.

Okay, it was great.

Sometimes we can do archery.

And they sh**t, you know?

Sometimes they have

boomerangs.

Boomerangs... you throw it,

and then you catch it back.

Yeah.

So, anything you need.

Give us a call.

Give us a call if you want to

call us.

How are you, sir?

Good. How are you?

Keep contradicting each

other.

We have actually a new photo

booth that has seven stalls, so

you could go from each one, and

it's themed with props.

Also, we have no photo booths

at all.

Yes.

No.

Oh, sure.

We definitely do video, yeah.

Also, we don't do any video

whatsoever.

Yeah, so wedlock and key...

We do a full service, from soup

to nuts, really.

Guys, after everything she

says, say, "I don't follow."

Help in the venue,

cupcakes...

Both: I don't follow.

What's your name?

Diane.

Diane. You're the mother of

the bride?

I am.

Both: I don't follow.

Joe, you've just realized

you've had sex with her.

Good to see you again, Diane.

Have we had sex?

Fiancés, couple?

Yes.

Great, great.

Murr, you just realized

you've had sex with her.

Oh.

When do you guys have a date

set, or no?

October 2015.

That's excellent.

What was your name again?

Where you from?

Woodbridge?

He's not gonna pull this off,

right?

We actually met.

He's not gonna do it.

He's not gonna do it.

We actually, believe it or

not...

We met at the mall.

We met at the mall.

Years ago.

Narrator: Murr couldn't make

this bride blush, so he's

tonight's big loser.

So, today, we're here at the

midtown amateur bodybuilding

qualifier for murr's punishment.

You're gonna have to go out

there and pose down and compete

in a bodybuilding competition in

front of hundreds of strangers.

I'm in a blazer!

Oh, you won't be for long, my

friend.

And please note that you do not

look like them.

Oh, my god!

We got to oil you up.

Rub it in, baby.

Rub it in.

Wow!

Guys, let's get that ferret

nice and shiny.

What is this?!

Bronzer, bro.

Oh, my god.

Oh, you're gonna look good,

bro.

You are glistening.

James, we're ready for you.

All right, murr, good luck.

God bless america.

But out there!

I said butt out there!

Here we go.

Okay.

All right. So Murray's on his

way to take part in a

bodybuilding competition.

All: W-e-e-ell...

Murray's gonna walk through

the door, but there ain't no

bodybuilding competition!

Behind the door is gonna be a

celebrity that is Murray's

childhood crush.

Here we go, here we go.

Give me one second.

This is one of the best.

This is one of the best we've

ever done.

Oh

It's Danica mckellar...

Winnie Cooper, from

"the wonder years"!

You have to interview

winnie Cooper, your childhood

crush!

Oh, my god!

I think this is your seat.

If Murray had one person over

the years that he's said he had

a crush on...

Hi, Danica.

It was her.

It was winnie Cooper.

It was winnie Cooper.

Oh.

Look at her face!

I... how did...

It's... so good for you to be

here today.

Thank you.

Look at his n*pples!

Your n*pples are so hard!

Danica, uh, y-you've recently

been making the rounds to

promote the 25th...

He can't even read!

You've recently... recently

been making the rounds to

promote the 25th anniversary of

"wonder years"... my favorite

show growing up.

How has that been?

It's been... it's been great.

I mean, seeing the cast has been

really nice, and, um...

You know, it just came out on

DVD, so for the first time, we

actually have the original theme

song.

Look at him!

He hears, "wah wah wah wah wah

wah."

I'm sorry.

Should I stop?

No, I-I-I...

No, you're doing great.

I'm not following the

conversation much, but...

Get your head in the game,

interviewer.

In my opinion, you and

Alyssa Milano were the hottest

kids.

Do you ever talk to her?

Uh, sometimes, actually.

"The hottest kids," you

animal?

Truth or dare... I'll go

first.

Truth, I used to kiss a poster

of you when I was younger, with

tongue.

That's true! That's true!

He told us that!

He told us that!

That's absolutely a truth!

Seriously?

I had a poster of you in my

room, and, uh, I used to French

it.

I didn't realize I would ever

tell you that.

That's pretty gross.

All right. Next.

Okay.

You're a three-time

New York times best-selling

author in mathematics.

Yes.

Finish this equation...

Me plus you equals...

Really awkward.

Uh... you made the word "nerd"

a cool thing.

Do you think I can do the same

for the word "balding"?

I...

No!

I think you're dripping.

She said you're dripping!

Did you shave, or...?

What's with all the dirty

pics of you on my fridge?

Uh... that's a good question.

But I think that's one for you

to answer.

What's with all the dirty pics

of me on your fridge?

Oh!

I'm a big fan.

You were america's sweetheart.

I'm america's douchebag.

What would america call our

baby?

A mistake.

Is this... oh.

Is this the proper way to do a

squat?

Like that?

It's pretty good.

Keep doing it!

Keep doing it.

Winnie Cooper.

Murr, now flex, flex.

Hold it, hold it, hold it!

Look at her face!

Hold it, hold it!

Oh!

Murr, your a*s cheeks!

Oh, come on.

Th-that's cool.

You don't have to do any more.

That's... that's been...

That has been a dream come true

to meet you in person.

I wish I could say the same.

And there you go!

Thank you so much.

I... I don't...

Yeah, it's cool.

Gentlemen!

We've done it!

Wow!

Childhood dreams do come

true.

Oh, my god.

Can I laugh now?

Yes.

Oh, my god.