04x05 - Elevating the Game

[bunniefuu]

Narrator: Coming up...

Come back to me!

Narrator: What's got q

foaming at the mouth?

Come back to me!

Narrator: Why is sal rolling

out the white carpet?

Nailed it.

Narrator: And which joker

will have no way out of

tonight's punishment?

Prepare for something

amazing.

Hey, mustache, what's up?

I want my mommy!

I will never forgive you!

Larry!

Today, we are working the

counter at

lucky's famous burgers.

While serving up that

delicious grub, we'll have to do

and say what the other guys tell

us.

If you refuse to do anything,

you know what's gonna happen!

Milkshake.

Mooooooo!

Let's go, boys.

Just close your eyes, bud.

We'll tell you what to do.

"I like your red hoody."

Like that red hoody.

Thank you.

"How do you trim your beard

lines so perfect?"

How do you get your beard,

like, so finely trimmed, like...

Compared to mine, mine's, like,

scraggily, you know?

"You know, the shoelace on

your hoody there?

Even them out."

You know the thing, like, the

shoelace in your hoody right

there?

The...

Yeah?

You got to even those out.

Cash or credit?

Credit.

Now, sal, grab around like

you're trying to find the card.

Keep moving your hands.

Keep moving your hands.

Um...

Sal, be super-super-cool.

Oh, yeah.

One normal cheeseburger.

Do you guys put a sauce on it?

Yeah, we can do any sauce you

like.

That's the whole point.

What kind of cheese would you

like, miss?

Cheddar.

Yeah, that's right.

All right, well, I see you've

got that whole swag thing going

on.

Yeah!

"Sorry if I seem a little out

of it today."

Sorry if I seem a little out

of it today.

That's okay.

"I just found out my

girlfriend had sex with my

boyfriend."

Yeah, I'm a little out of it.

I just found out my... my

girlfriend had sex with my

boyfriend.

What?

What's your name?

Lindsey.

Lindsey.

I'm sal.

Nice to meet you.

Get her name again.

How about your name?

My name?

Lindsey.

Oh. I'm sal.

I just said that.

One more time, sal.

How about that name, though?

Lindsey.

"All right, one last thing...

Let me get that number."

Get them digits, or you lose.

Uh...

What?

Let me get that number.

No.

No.

Not gonna happen.

It's all about me and you,

Michelle.

Lindsey.

Hey, I'm sal.

Q, take a paper bag and make

a puppet.

There you go.

That's perfect, that's perfect.

That's your puppet that does

nothing but berate you.

"Did you get that, stupid?"

I didn't get that.

Q, get in a fight with the

bag.

All right, that's enough.

I've had about enough of you.

I've had about enough of you!

Oh, I'm not taking any more from

you!

Drown! Drown!

Drown!

Drown.

"I'm so sorry.

What have I done?"

What have I done?

What have I done?

Now try to revive him.

Come back to me!

Come back.

Come back to me!

You've never given up on

anything in your life, so fight!

"Wait! Is he... is he

breathing?!"

Oh, my god.

"You couldn't even k*ll me, you

moron!"

Hey, man. How are you?

How are you, man?

Good.

Mm-hmm.

Be bummed out for a second.

You had to Bury your father

yesterday.

Oh, goodness.

No, I had to Bury my father

yesterday.

"No, he knew too much."

He wouldn't stop talking.

He just knew too much.

Loose lips sink dads.

Take your phone out real

quick.

You got an alert.

Beyoncé has laryngitis.

Oh, come on with it.

Beyoncé's got laryngitis.

You know, the singer?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, she got laryngitis.

When you think you're having a

bad day, it just goes from bad

to worse.

Whoa. Your phone went off

again.

Whoa.

Oh, goodness.

"Ooh, the test results are

positive."

Test results are positive.

Um... i got chlamydia.

Probably shouldn't be handling

this without gloves.

Yes!

Yes!

See this guy?

Just go, "no. No! No!"

Out.

No, no.

"No!"

Come on. No.

Come on. No.

Let's go.

Joe...

You just kicked him out!

Milkshake?

This guy... look at this.

It looks like an action movie.

"Hey, cool guy, why don't you

take those shades off?"

That's not happening.

Not happening.

You have a great day!

That was it?

That's all it took?

Yeah! I'm not saying that

Really?

Murr, the guy with the

sunglasses knows the owner and

texted him that you should be

fired.

No.

So, here's the text that

came in.

"Dude at the counter is a loose

Cannon.

He'd last about a day."

He looks like he wants to

k*ll me.

Murr, we're gonna give you a

second chance at a win.

Grab something and go sit down

next to him.

"So, I just got fired.

Customer complaint.

Know anything about it?"

I just got fired.

My boss said it was a customer

complaint.

You know anything about it?

The owner showed me the text.

Yeah.

And, uh, he said today's my last

day.

"Do you want to help me call

my wife and tell her I lost

another job?"

Can you call... can you call

my wife and tell her I got

fired?

Like, two weeks.

Why? Are you hiring, or...?

"Could you text him?

Can you text him?

Can you text him and tell him to

give me a second chance?"

Can you send him a text to

give me a second chance?

I'll leave it up to you.

I'll leave it up to you.

I'm gonna go back and get my

stuff.

All right.

Let's see what happens!

Let's see what happens!

Oh, is he going for his phone?

He's going for his phone.

He faked to go in his pocket!

Murr, get in the back there.

Make a bindle.

A what? Oh.

Oh, like a...

This is great.

All right, buddy, sling that

over your shoulder.

Now as dejected as possible,

just walk out.

Head down.

Narrator: Sal got his buns

kicked, so he's first up on the

loser board.

Today, we're at lot-less,

taking turns embarrassing each

other in front of strangers.

One of us will do something

ridiculous to an unsuspecting

customer, and the other guy has

to take the blame for it.

If you don't take the blame

for what the oth guys did, you

lose.

Ow!

He did it.

I did it.

Dude.

Sorry.

All right, guys, here you go.

Joe, whatever you do, sal takes

the blame for.

And, sal, whatever you do, Joe

takes the blame for.

This is beautiful.

Oh, what's he got planned?

I took that out so you could

hear me.

They're putting these on sale

now.

Okay.

Buy two, get one half, this

whole section.

Thank you.

You had the headphone in.

You got it, bud.

Enjoy your shopping.

Man...

Joe, you covered that so

quickly.

That was impressive.

You were right in there.

What's he got up his sleeve?

Oh!

You stupid

what?

Nailed it!

That's weird.

Gotcha.

Oh-h*-h*!

Ah, just a fun little game I

play with the toilet tissue.

All right, then.

Nicely done, Joe.

Hold this.

Oh-h*-h*!

Here we go.

Surprise. I gotcha.

Joe, your turn.

Just wait right here one

second.

"I want to bite..."

Oh, wow.

Wow.

Oh, sal, you're dead.

This note is from this

gentleman over there.

Hi. I asked him to pass that.

Thank you very much.

"I want to..."

Are you kidding me?

Nicely done, fellas.

Two thumbs up.

All right, boys.

Q, you're up first, bud.

That was me.

That was me.

Could you hold this, bud?

What's he gonna do with those

pistachios?

Wow. Murray putting

pistachios in the hood.

I'm sorry.

You can put them right back in

there.

What happens is, it's winter,

and I like to store nuts for the

winter.

And I just... and I just saw

your hood, and I thought it'd be

a good place to store some

things for the winter, but now I

realize that that was a bad

choice.

The old squirrel defense.

All right, so just get out

your phone.

Okay.

Turn it on camera.

Now what?

Oh, my god.

Wow.

I just... you're just so

pretty.

You're just so pretty.

So that's your explanation?!

"You're so pretty"?!

Murr, nothing like, "I like your

hat.

I want to buy it for my sister"?

You went with the creepiest

possible thing?

It's the first thing that

came to mind.

Murray's back in.

Um...

What's Murray doing?

Bag?

Can't do it!

You have to take the blame for

what I do.

I know. But that's... that's

outside the bounds of what's...

He did it! He did it!

He did it! He did it!

He did it.

Yeah.

He thinks it's funny, that

stuff.

Both: Aaaah!

Murr wins it.

Narrator: Q couldn't take the

blame, so instead, he takes the

loss.

Ah, what a beautiful day in

the park to mess with strangers.

As we're chatting with

strangers, the other guys are

gonna give us a crazy-sounding

made-up word that we need to

define on the spot.

The goal is to get the person

to admit that they've heard of

this word, and if you can't, you

lose.

Narrator: It's Joe and sal in

a joker versus joker challenge.

All right, Joe... herpdert.

What?

Herpdert.

You ever hear of a herpdert?

That is when the... when the...

When the... when the marriage of

two people from two different

cultures, they get together but

they have an outdoor ceremony.

But the pastor is Jewish.

That's a herpdert.

Yeah.

Really? You don't think so?

That's too specific?

That's completely wrong.

Yeah, herpdert.

Herpturd.

Herpturd!

No, it's not gonna be in

urban dictionary.

There's nothing urban about

this.

You got to look at the torah.

So you've never heard of it?

Now you have.

Oh, god.

Okay, sal, your word is

fruisé.

Fruisé... it's got the thing

on the end.

Oh, like an accent.

I was dealing with a real

fruisé in the attic this past

week.

You know, like, a fruisé?

It's like a when you think you

see a ghost, but it's really...

It's really your Ecuadorian

friend in a hat.

Never? Never heard of it?

Maybe.

Ah. That's not a yes.

So you think you might have

or...?

Mnh-mnh.

No!

What a shock?

Thought you were a little

cuckoo.

Narrator: The only word sal

needs to know now is

"punishment."

Today, we're here for sal's

punishment, and if notice,

there's no sal.

Yeah, that's because he's on

his way here to what he thinks

is a challenge, and he'll be

getting onto this floor using

that elevator.

The thing is, there is no

challenge, and that is our

elevator.

We control where it goes, who

gets on, when it gets stuck.

Oh! I hope it doesn't get

stuck!

Guys, it's getting stuck!

Here we go, here we go.

He doesn't know that he's

getting punished.

This is next-level

we're taking over...

Real life.

Yeah.

Oh, my god!

This is so exciting!

There's our friends.

Look at sal... not a care in the

world...

Until... right now.

Oh.

This is great!

This is sal's worst

nightmare.

He's in a confined box with a

sick person.

You should, uh, cover your

mouth when you cough.

What's he doing?

He's trying to manually open

it!

You want to go work on it?

Yeah, hold on, guys.

Go work on getting him out.

Here comes our fire

department.

The fire department's on the

scene.

Hello!

Thank you!

Sal hates cats!

You're gonna take the cat

out?

Now he's stuck in the

elevator with a sick dude and a

hairless cat!

I don't think you should have

him out.

You know what?

Dude, can you turn around

when you cough?

Do you need us to do anything

from in here?!

Holy

Is she going to the bathroom?

Please tell me that cat's

going to the bathroom!

The cat is pissing!

All right.

Can you give us just a little

information?

Oh, my god.

An hour?

What?

Can you give us any information

besides you're with the fire

department and it'll be two

hours?

"You wouldn't understand."

Oh, my god!

I can't believe he just said

that!

Holy

I feel like I'm going crazy.

He's... he's starting to

realize...

He's starting to realize.

He's getting onto it, maybe.

You son of a b*tch.

Ha ha! He knows.

Let's go make some noise.

Yeah, let's go.

Yeah!

You did it!

You did it!

You too!

Happy birthday!