04x03 - Uncool and the g*ng

[bunniefuu]

Coming up, why is Joe being

such an a*s?

Why is q having a briefs

encounter with this guy?

Oh!

And which joker is cruisin'

for a bruisin' in tonight's

punishment?

Prepare for something

amazing.

Hey, mustache, what's up?

I want my mommy!

I will never forgive you!

Larry!

Today, we're pairing up at a

convention center, teaching a

team-building workshop.

However, the entire workshop

has been prepared by the other

team, so we won't know what to

do until we get out there.

At the end of the workshop,

we'll ask the attendees if they

learned anything of value.

Whichever team gets the

fewest hands raised loses.

And, remember, there is no

"murr" in "team."

What?

There's never a "murr" in

"team."

My whole life.

Welcome, guys.

You guys are all co-workers,

correct?

You guys have probably heard of

these trust- and team-building

exercises.

Have you ever been to one?

Anyone ever attend one before?

You have.

Now I'm gonna show you how

much we trust each other.

So, I'm gonna show you how

much we trust each other.

Sal, slap Joe.

I trust him.

Okay, guys, grab the beach

ball in the corner.

Okay, this is a good one.

We've got to get the ball

from our head to our toes

without using our hands.

So, now, this is an obstacle

between the two of us.

Okay, working on the problem.

We're working on the problem.

Guys, have an office fight

right now.

Did you not put the toner in

the copier?

I put the toner in the

copier.

Oh, yeah?

That's my job, and I never

missed it.

If you refer to the log, you'll

see that, 3:30 on Friday, I put

toner in the...

Joe, slap him.

If I knew that there was a

log...

Slap him! Slap him!

Trust.

I told you that there was...

oh, my god!

You got a mean hook.

You got a real mean

hook.

Not for... on me.

Now we're gonna show you a

physical trust exercise.

We call this "trust donkey."

We're gonna do a physical

trust exercise.

Oh, sal, get down on all

fours.

So, I'm gonna get down on all

fours here.

Okay.

I am the trust donkey.

Now, Joe, climb on top of sal

upside down.

I am gonna be a donkey on top

of a donkey.

And I'm gonna just...

Start braying like donkeys.

Sal, try to walk.

What I'm worried about is my

physical safety, at this point.

Whew!

You got much further than I

thought you were gonna.

Joe, there's a full bottle of

water.

And, sal, grab a blindfold.

Okay, so, I'm gonna put this

blindfold on Joe.

Now I'm going to give Joe

this bottle of water and i'm

going to lay on the ground.

And I'm going to lay on the

ground.

With my mouth open.

And I'm going to communicate to

Joe where to hold that bottle to

pour it into my mouth perfectly.

Turn to your right.

Okay, stop.

Wait!

Did I get it?

Let me coach you.

Okay.

So, Joe, gently turn the

bottle slightly.

Slightly.

Ah! He got it!

Oh, my god!

He got it!

Nailed it.

Now, did we learn here?

All right.

So, did anyone feel like they

learned anything today?

Zero!

Zero!

Yes!

Okay.

Hi, everybody.

Welcome, welcome.

My name's James Murray.

Hi. I'm Brian Quinn.

How are you?

We're here with

manresa consulting.

We'll get started right after

this fart clears.

So, we'll get started with

the seminar after this fart

clears.

Q is talking to

the plant!

I'm sorry.

We just got off to an

interesting start.

Yeah, I was just...

You okay?

Yeah, I'm great. I'm great.

We're going to do a number

of physical exercises today

that are trust-building,

team-building kind of exercises.

The first one we're going to

do...

Is called "go plank

yourself."

is called "go plank

yourself."

Everybody stand up, please.

And we're gonna lay in a row,

please.

Plank and reverse plank

across this way.

Okay.

Now, when we get to you, you

talk about which city you would

love to live in and why.

Now, you tell us what city

you'd like to live in and why.

Now you. We'll start with you.

In wantagh.

Where? I'm sorry.

Wantagh.

Tampa?

Wantagh.

Wantagh.

Where did you say?

I can't... I can't understand

the city.

I can't understand what you're

saying 'cause your face is

muffled by the carpet.

Wantagh.

Look at q!

Q is moving. Where's q going?

All right. Everybody up.

Good job, good job.

Where's Brian?

Where's Brian?

There he is.

While you're talking, in the

middle of a sentence, just say

"trust fall" and fall and let q

catch you.

I was down the hallway,

flirting with a waitress while

you guys were all here laying

down on the carpet.

That's right.

And I can't be trusted.

No, he can't. Or can he?

Trust fall!

Right?

Huh?

I can yell "trust fall," and

he will be there for me, no

matter what.

Murr, yell "trust fall" and

fall.

Trust fall!

See? He catches me every time.

All right.

So, we're almost done, and I

just wanted to wrap it up by

playing a quick game of tongue

chicken.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

We're gonna play one last

game.

So, we're gonna play a quick

team-building game, tongue

chicken.

That's where you stick your

tongue out and he sticks his

tongue out and then you walk

towards each other and...

Tongue chicken.

The tongues touch.

I'll tell you already I'm not

doing it.

You're gonna do it.

I'm not doing it.

You're doing it 'cause you're

my partner.

Trust fall.

Trust fall!

Saved at the buzzer, q.

Whew!

All right, well...

So I think you could see the

importance of trust.

How many of you think you've

learned something of value

today?

Eh, four.

Four.

Four.

All right, all right. Four.

Four!

Nice, nice.

Joe and sal's trust went

bust, so they're first up on the

loser-board.

We're at coney island, posing

as caricature artists.

Except the pictures that

we're "drawing" have been

created by the other guys.

And we won't know what the

drawings are until we flip them

over.

At the end, you got to ask

for a tip.

If you can't get a tip, you

lose.

Sexy sunglasses. And we're out.

What's your name?

Derek. Sal.

Pleasure to meet you, bud.

Pleasure.

If you want, I can make you

look a little less tired and a

lot more Asian.

If you want, I could make you

look a little less tired and a

lot more Asian.

This is my first day here in

a while, too.

This is my first day here in

a while, too.

Actually, it's my first day

anywhere in a while.

It's actually my first day

anywhere in a while.

Just got out of the clink.

Just got out of the clink.

I got busted stealing

hello kitty handbags.

I got busted stealing

hello kitty handbags.

$54 million industry.

Yeah.

What I did was... I sold it

to little girls.

Then I mugged them.

This is unbelievable, but I

would sell it to little girls,

and then I would...

I would just take it right back.

All right, bud, flip to the

caricature.

Here we go.

All right, buddy.

Here you go.

It's a Buddha doing heroin,

so...

Sal, that was Buddha as a

diabetic.

Yeah, he's giving himself

Insulin.

He's giving himself Insulin,

you idiot.

What's wrong with you?

This is actually Buddha

giving himself Insulin because

he's... yeah, he went heavy on

the teriyaks.

I thought it was Buddha sh**ting

hard "h."'

it's Buddha giving himself

hard "I."

Nice to meet you, bud.

Again, you know, like I said,

it's free, and that's only if

you feel it.

Oh!

A penny?

It's a win.

This will only take a couple

minutes.

Let me see you smile.

You know what?

Wait, wait, wait. You know what?

Make a face like your pet just

died and you have to eat it to

survive.

Make a face like your pet

just died and you have to eat it

to survive.

All right.

Make a face like you just

woke up...

Make a face like you just

woke up...

and you realize you're on

horseback.

And you realize you're on

horseback.

What the

what...

You brought your niece to

work.

You brought your niece to

work.

You put her on a roller

coaster 10 times.

You put her on a roller

coaster 10 times.

And you haven't seen her in

two hours.

And you haven't seen her in

two hours.

Now you have to call your

sister.

Now you have to call your

sister and tell her the niece is

gone in coney island.

Here we go.

Let's see what we got.

Oh!

Aah!

When I look at you, I see

just an out-of-control woman who

can't drive.

So, again, that's free.

You don't have to tip, of

course, but you're more than

welcome to, if you like.

But that's from me to you.

Is he gonna get a tip?

She's digging through.

Oh, oh, wow.

That's so kind of you.

Thank you so much.

Vinny.

Vinny. Joe.

Good to meet you, man.

Nice to meet you, too.

Joe, keep having mini

orgasms.

How's your day going, vin?

How long does that train ride

take?

Three hours? That's a long time.

Oh, god.

82 miles? Ugh!

Do you play any sports or

anything?

No?

I just threw my leg out trying

to do a joke.

I really hurt myself.

All right, so, let's get your

cheekbones.

People call me a monster

'cause I paint nude caricatures

of myself and leave them at

hotels.

Oh, geez.

Well, a lot of people call me a

monster because I paint nude

pictures of myself and I leave

them in hotel rooms.

The papers call me a monster.

"Nude monster."

"Nude monster."

Well, the papers called me a

monster.

"Nude monster leaves

self-portraits across

New York City hotels."

And that's how you get known.

You know, I put my name on the

map, and now I'm doing

caricatures here on the

boardwalk.

All right, Joe.

Here we go.

And there you go.

Okay.

What do you say?

Right? It's good.

No. It's too much?

No tip?

No tip?

He doesn't want it, and no tip.

Have a good day, bud.

Free caricatures.

Is this a funny bit?

He goes to draw somebody's

caricature, they sit down, and

he just takes his pants off and

drops his pants around... oh, my

god!

Oh, my god!

I'm sorry.

Murray just spit in sal's

mouth.

I'm sorry.

He was talking close to sal.

It went in sal's mouth.

I'm sorry.

I was still drinking a snapple.

I am so sorry.

Look at him!

Look at him!

It shot out.

Well, I'm assuming sal's on

his way to a hospital

immediately, right?

It's so disgusting.

I feel like we had sex.

What's your name?

My name is David.

David.

For no reason, just take your

pants off.

Yeah, it's kind of hot out

here.

I might need you to back up

so I can fit it all in.

Brutal.

Uh, okay, I might need you to

back up to fit you all in.

A little more.

That's good.

See if you can get him to

drop his pants, too.

What underwear are you

wearing?

Boxers? Do you want to pull them

down, cool off a little bit?

Get 'em down, sit.

Go ahead. Wow.

Oh!

Just two dudes sitting here

with our pants down.

All right, bud. Here we go.

Slam-dunking some

eh, all right.

It's... there it is.

There's you.

See, I made the choice to

have you slam-dunking some poop

into a toilet.

Yeah, that's a 2-pointer, if you

know what I mean.

You can take that.

And these are completely free...

Okay.

Of course.

But if you wanted to tip, we do

work for tips today.

You know what?

I left my wallet in my other

pants.

You left your wallet in your

other pants.

Yeah! Boom!

All right then.

Thank you very much.

Q, you can pull your pants

back up.

Q and Joe drew a blank, which

means Joe is tonight's big

loser.

Joe's all dressed up for his

punishment, and the reason

you're dressed that way is...

You're gonna be conducting an

exposé-style interview.

Who's across from me?

Oh, oh, don't you worry about

that, my friend.

That's what I am worried

about, my friend.

All you got to do is go in

there and ask these questions

that we've written for you.

That way?

Go give 'em hell, bud.

Hell.

Motorcycle club.

Wait till he sees what is

about to happen to him.

All right.

Here we go.

Uh... we're gonna get an

interview started here.

I'm just gonna ask you a couple

questions.

What does a motorcycle sound

like?

If I was to ask you, "what

would a motorcycle sound like?",

what would it sound like?

Vroom, vroom!

Can you guys make that sound

as a club?

As a club, could you guys

make that sound?

Are you serious?

Oh, my god!

No.

It's okay if didn't want to...

The questions get worse and

worse and worse.

If you guys had to say it,

what would you say is the...

What's the silliest thing you've

ever done as a g*ng?

A g*ng?

We're not a g*ng, bro.

We're a club.

Oh!

I apologize if I offended you

guys.

You know, I'm just asking the

questions.

It's an exposé, so, you know,

they just tell me what to ask.

Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Look at his face!

Um, all right.

Next question.

Um, if... if... if you had to

pick... if you had to pick,

what's your favorite crime?

What's my favorite crime?

as*ault.

as*ault.

as*ault.

as*ault and battery.

as*ault and battery.

But we know nothing about

that, 'cause we're not a g*ng.

It's an exposé.

I don't know whether I love

this or I'm scared.

I don't know.

Oh, my god. I'm sweating.

Uh...

Okay.

Now, what's your favorite

Katy Perry song?

The one when she's with

another girl committing l*sbian.

Mine's "alien."

Huh?

Okay. Uh...

Well, this is just insane.

Wow. This is... we're in the

downhill portion, I believe.

If anybody could just tell me...

Okay, who do you think... who's

got the lamest tattoo?

Oh, my god.

These are... it's an exposé,

so...

"It's an

exposé."

What's the biggest reason

your biker friend calls you

"the tattler?"

What?

The what?

Ask the guy in the white

bandana, Joe.

In the white bandana, what's

the biggest reason your biker

friends call you the tattler?

What the did you just

say to me?

It sounds like he's calling

you a rat.

That's what it sounds like to

me.

I ain't no rat.

You guys get that?

He's no rat.

Don't ever call me a tattler

again.

It's an exposé, so...

He is fuming.

Uh... all right, so...

What emotional void in your life

does this g*ng fill?

This is not a g*ng again!

Sorry.

Again, this is not a g*ng.

Ooh! Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Uh... and this is the final

question.

Dude, this better be a good

question.

Um...

"You gimme dat wedgie?"

Ooh!

You're getting help?

Ooh!

Oh, his ba*ls!

Oh, my god!

Damn!

Sorry, fellas.

It's just an exposé.

Uh, I'm gonna go find my ba*ls.

Thanks, fellas.

Good luck. Good luck.